Adam4Adam #METOO

Speak Out: Men Can Get Raped Too

Long before the advent of the #MeToo movement, a movement against sexual harassment and sexual abuse, there was Project Unbreakable. 

Project Unbreakable is an online community where survivors of sexual assault send photos of themselves holding up posters that contained phrases said to them by their attackers. Established in 2011 by Grace Brown—a then New York photography student—the project reportedly “aims to use photography to help victims of sexual abuse.” By posting said photos, Brown hopes that the survivors will be able to “take the power back of the words that were once used against them.”

The photography project gives sexual assault survivors, especially the men, an avenue to tell their story no matter how brief it is. Project Unbreakable also reiterates the fact that yes, men can get raped or sexually violated, too.  

If there’s one thing in common among the survivors’ stories is the stigma surrounding male sexual assault: men can’t be victims, men can’t be raped. Their stories are almost always met with disbelief shaming them into silence, preventing them from reporting any form of sexual assault to the proper authorities or even from just sharing their stories with anyone.

Here is a look at sexual assault in the United States by the numbers which clearly shows that yes, men can be victims of rape and sexual violence, too:

  • Approximately 13 percent of lesbian women, 46 percent of bisexual women, and 17 percent heterosexual women have been raped in their lifetime.  *Note: This translates to an estimated 214,000 lesbian women, 1.5 million bisexual women, and 19 million heterosexual women. 
  • 40 percent of gay men, 47 percent of bisexual men, and 21 percent heterosexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape in their lifetime. *Note: This translates into nearly 1.1 million gay men, 903,000 bisexual men, and 21.6 million heterosexual men.    
  • According to the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, 47 percent of transgender people experience sexual assault at some point in their lifetime.
  • 26 percent of gay men, 37 percent of bisexual men, and 29 percent of heterosexual men experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner.

[Source: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey. Read the full report here.]

That being said, if you or anyone you know is a victim of rape or sexual assault, call the 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. Take a look also at the other resources below.

And lastly, if you have a story to tell, we are listening. We believe you!

There are 23 comments

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  1. Father Hennepin

    Tops can often get too rough when they want to dominate their “bottom,” or insert their cocks even though you repeatedly say no way. Foreign men are particularly dangerous, as their culture or customs may make them feel entitled to fuck you. Then there is the sweetly seductive kind who try to gradually inveigle you into doing something you don’t want. The more they want you, the worse it gets. Hooking up is sadly dangerous. And they count on their presumed anonymity as a cover. Porn makes it worse with their “rough sex” and “forced bi” videos, the ones that openly present rape as entertainment, as “angry sex” or “revenge fucks.” These panderers are greedy monsters who care nothing about the negative impact of their work and the victims they create. That’s why kink has to be clearly labeled as fetish oriented, but it rarely is.

  2. Matt

    Let’s be VERY CLEAR that a man raping another male is not gay sex. It is violence.

    I am also a strong believer that young gay males can be forced into prostitution to sustain themselves given how even today we kick boys out of the house for being same-sex oriented.

  3. Kasper

    Technically, anything with a hole and be, either, gently entered or forcible entered…as the definition of rape is forcible penetration.

    Therefore, both men and women have and continue to be raped. Women’s vaginas are made of squamous cells which are denser and more compactly gathered; Men’s anuses are made of cuboidal cells which are less dense and less compactly gathered. Rape for men can lead to a penetration of the sigmoid colon and can lead to sepsis or a colostomy and its subsequent bag.

    I did tend those who were male and raped; it isn’t pleasant and can require a bag after surgery. In any case, rape is against nature and it isn’t about sex but about power: the rapist is incapable of expressing rage in a qualified manner, and so, take his rage out in a ungainly manner.

    Anal sex is ‘buggery’ already beknownst amongst sailors and subject to trial as were the sex scandals of the late 1890s, in the prep schools. Oscar Wilde was subject of a trial as he was involved with a barrister’s son whom he met in a private boarding school…perhaps, Eaton?

    Rape is historically de facto…what has now changed…is males can and do come forward with tales of rape…ask any effeminate male in a prison.

    However, if you are gay, the general consensus is that you asked-for-it. Hence, the unreported cases of male rape.

  4. Dan

    There are men who are sexually assaulted or harassed by women and never report it. Either in a job situation or even within a marriage. I know a few who have been.

  5. Alexander

    A lot of these posters just took the words out of my mouth.
    “You were never out of our sight”
    Oh, I can SO agree. That’s an irresponsible parent, not even listening to the victim.
    “Will you be weird about it?”
    No way, you will never take my freedom to fuck and blow whoever I please.

    I put my ass in therapy at 11, but I got better.

  6. bjjj

    Yes, their is a very fine line between rape and consensual sex. Many times sex can start out exciting, then get way too aggressive when one partner takes the lead and goes way too far hurting and injuring the other. I would find it hard to believe that a woman would rape a man, however I’m sure many women will lead or force a man into sex. But I do think a lot of men on men can get together, especially hookups, and end up getting hurt and forced into situations that someone ends up getting hurt and injured as well. Good enjoyable sex has to be consensual and relaxed. When it goes too far it can become a rape situation. Those men who have very long and well endowed cocks need to realize that forcing it on someone that is not able to take it, can do serious damage to the rectum and or throat as well.

  7. ABH

    I’m really glad that this post was able to accomplish the very simple (but seemingly impossible) task of centering male survivors…without undermining women who are survivors.

    Unbreakable sounds like a great initiative.

  8. billyg

    Men sure can get raped.. and so can boys and young men. And it fucks most of them up for life…

    I was raped by an Uncle at 15.. He took a lot of time to “groom me”; trips, buying me things, teaching me how to swim, taking me places, getting pets that my parents wouldn’t.. I was very young and idolized this man.. When I was 15 he took me on a long distance trip and that’s when he got me.. The night before I spent the night because we were leaving very early in the morning and bang he was on me… I was petrified, but didn’t know what to do, that trip took me 13 hours away from home with him for a week and it happened every day, sometimes more….On the way home the typical being sworn to secret conversation took place. School started and he started showing up by the time I got home, I started not going home and if I did, getting off one bus stop earlier so I could see in a distance if his car was there. If it was I would go through the woods, sneak in the house and lock the doors. He eventually came out and moved away and a few years later had a heart attack and died, but by then it was too late for me. The stigma, disappointment and questioning if I was gay or not had already been planted in my head. To this day I question if he did things to me before that, I can’t remember, but I do know he started taking me places and buying me things when I was about 7 or 8.

    I lost all my trust in the people I loved and cared for most, including my parents, down deep I blamed them for something they didn’t even know about.

    I tried dating women, but they always just drug on and I always seemed to have an attraction for men even when dating a women.

    I went to a therapist for years, that helped some. I got married and had children, but nothing did or has taken the trust issues away.

    I ended up getting divorced, trying to commit suicide at 55 when I finally told my ex and family the deal; loosing my business and many other relationships, all to trust issues, it all comes down to trust and I trust almost no one…

    I am going to be 64 in April and have finally come to terms that I am gay, which has nothing to do with what happened to me. I guess he was just able to use that “gaydar ” thing on me before mine was working… ( actually mine still doesn’t work too well ) but what did happen, pretty much ruined a real and true relationship for me.. I look on these sites, respond to men, maybe meet one if the guy is not a flake like most are and then make excuses as to why I can’t get together again.. and that; I have to thank all to getting raped as a teenager, it took away all of my early experiences for relationships and development of having a true connection with anyone.

    My heart and empathy go out to anyone, whether male or female who have been raped, it’s a terrible disgraceful thing that the perpetrator has no idea of what they are doing to the victim just to get their “jollies off” … I hate and despise everyone of them and if I had my way the punishment would be standing in front of their victim or victims laying that dick out and watching the victim lop it off with an axe….


  9. Matt (Black)

    I think only gay men that bottom before can be raped successfully. Hard to vision a straight virgin guy getting raped unless it’s by gun point or a gang rape situation while the guy is being physically held down. Having successful anal sex with a virgin bottom takes time and patience from both participants. Lot of lubing and relubing usually take place. When I first got my prostrate exam I was a virgin and when the urologist inserted his finger in my ass I nearly passed out. He warned me first and I braced myself but it still hurt tremendously. Also I think men are hesitant to report rape because of guilt and public humiliation.

    • DR.H

      Think maybe you are confusing rape with sex. The rapist isn’t concerned about the victim and therefore isn’t working up to penetration. Sex is an act of sharing, rape is an act of power over a victim, and therefore the victim horribly destroyed as many have shared above. As you felt pain in a clinical environment, you should therefore understand the horror of non-passive rape

      • Matt (Black)

        Thanks. Never been a victim but I do understand what you’re saying. Can’t begin to imagine what the victims above been through. I think about when I was a young innocent boy.

  10. NotMyName

    I was molested at the age of 5, an experience so horrible I literally turned it off in my mind, total repression. It was not until I became sexually active at 14 , that I even had an inkling of something, and that was because she had been molested and tried to control some situations. I am convinced that many more men and women have been abused (then has been reported) as so many act out, and the evidence is clear here in the blogs when guys don’t believe each others’ wild stories. Yet during my teen years, I was regularly propositioned by older, and way older men. At 17 a guy attempted to grope me in a bathroom, He was 15-20 years my senior, a business man at my work establishment, and though we had always been cool, I never thought of him like that, The situation freaked me out so bad, I had to leave work claiming I was sick. I revisited hat moment: why? Why me? Had I given off some kind of gay vibe? We had been cool before; I knew his girlfriend and he knew mine, we had planned to hang out together many times, we were bros and friends. I believe I had a sudden recall of my past experience and panicked. Later while making love with my girlfriend, I would often think of that business man, he was kind, I had found him attractive, so why was I so freaked out? To this day, I can never be sure if I was naturally attracted to men, or if being molested was the situation that had effected my simultaneous interest and contrary disgust. Later that same year, 17, my 40 year old, body builder jock boss, whom I regularly would catch in the office with a woman other than his wife. Came to work totally wasted. I was finishing up paperwork in the office and, as he often did, he’d strip down from workout clothes to just a jock strap and then redress into a suit. He was handsome, and kind, we were what I considered friends. On this particular day, he smelled of liquor, his shirt unbuttoned, untucked, tight slacks, and was telling me what a bitch his wife was and how they hadn’t had sex in over a year. He plopped down on the desk next to me and began telling me how badly he needed a blow job, and while he did he stripped off his pants and began masturbating next to me, I nearly froze, I had often thought of his beautiful body, and I KNEW I wanted to see what he was packing, and yet, mind you even though I consider myself lucky I wasn’t raped, like rape, molestation is a crime of power and abuse, and therefore I was frozen by the fear he would force me to do something to him. Guys here argue all the time that they KNEW, or that they liked the situation, however, I am saying it is STILL abuse, and I wish we would come to an agreement as a society to fix some of this, because for the rest of my college experience I never found a satisfying opportunity to connect with a man, it was always a ‘let’s workout, hangout, drink’ situation that always ended up with him passing out semi-clothed. Nope, never took advantage of the situation, and I once even put a pillow and a blanket on the guy, and as I started to leave realized I had left my books in the bedroom, and as I returned, he had fully moved from his passed out state! I knew then it was a constant game of cat and mouse. Finally, I was lucky enough to meet a guy, he took it slow, informed me of all limits and boundaries, he made me feel safe, and even then I had to drink until nearly wasted to get calm enough to let him perform oral on me. We did that slow dance with me believing as he said that he wanted only me and would wait until I was ready and no longer scared. One night, when he left I followed him, and he ended up at a local book store. I found him inside in a booth, and he was sucking off a line of guys. He later told me it was no big deal because his step father had regular used him as a kid to get sucked off, or suck off his friends. No amount of therapy will ever undo that abuse.

  11. Jay

    Wow this kind of pulled a repressed memory. My ex that I was friends with after the relationship just hopped on top and went for it until he was satisfied. He even said “did I just rape you?” About a year after that he asked about my health status as far as HIV and I told him negative and remain negative today. He told me he was positive and that it might take some time for me to show positive and this was his way of forcing me back in a relationship with him. That didn’t work and he finally said he didn’t want to be friends anymore for a petty reason but the real reason was him trying to trap me and other men in relationships with a virus. I am not a person who is anti positive and have tried relationships with positive men. I do however have a problem with guys like him that are recklessly promiscuous and trying to force themselves into someone’s life this way. I was in my 20s then (almost 40 now) and thought it was hot for him to want me that badly but I found out he was a regional, multi state sexpot. We stopped talking about 2 years ago after his last tantrum.

    • Bkl83

      This needs to become a bigger discussion in the gay community than what it is. My ex tried the same thing. He was 51,and I was 18, and he didn’t care about giving HIV for life just so that he could fulfill his narcissistic personality.

  12. D.

    I was raped when i was 14, by my grandfather. i blocked most of it out, but i can never try hard enough to get the images out of my head. Times were hard and my family were forced to live in a makeshift setup in my grandparents yard, and my grandpa thought since i was close enough to get to, and he knew my parents weren’t home for a couple hours after i got home from school… i would come home and find him naked inside where i was living. long story short, he would touch me, force me onto to his penis, and tell me i was a good boy.. come to find out i was not the only one he did it too, a cousin came forward and said he did the same to her, as well as my sister too… no only was he raping family members, he was doing incest, and performing Child Molestation as well… he never went to jail, but the family confronted him, and part of the family never went near him again…

    • anonimatovato

      I’m wondering if it’s still not to late to report him, he is such a danger to society. He is a sex offender. He’s a criminal.

  13. Bill

    I was just leaving a gay bar late night when this young man approached me.. He started flirting with me… he was very nice looking and I was very receptive to his advances.. He was very blunt, he let me know he wanted to fuck me… I couldn’t believe how lucky I was… I tole him I thought he was just playing with me… He took my hand and placed it on his big bulge… I could feel his big dick rock hard through his jeans… Does that feel like I’m playing with you…. The parking lot was almost empty and I was parked in the very rear…. no one could possible see us…I couldn’t get my pants down fast enough… He bent me over my truck seat… I spread my legs wide and braced my self… I reached by between my legs and grabbed his big dick and guided it to my lubed ass hole…. oh man could he ever fuck good…. I shot my load all over my truck seat… he filled my ass with his hot cum…. I started to get up..but he pushed me back down… We’re not finished yet….my buddies wants some of this ass…. I struggled trying to get up but he held me down .. he spoke very sternly.. you can fight it or you can relax and enjoy it.. but either way we’re all going to fuck you….one of his buddies mounted me… I struggled trying to get up.. but it started to feel pretty good.. I started shoving my ass up to take it… one by one they all fucked me… I shot my 2nd load he had a true horse dick and I went wild when that big dick went in my ass…. when they all had finished they ask me if I was ok… I said yes and they left me laying there over my truck seat naked unable to move

  14. bjjj

    Men most certainly can get raped. Yea, just meet up with someone in private for a hookup, get assaulted, hurt, and a gun pulled on you.

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