Dating: Have You Ever Been Orbited?
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Well, have you? We are asking because orbiting is the newest dating trend they say and it’s the derivative of ghosting. The term was reportedly coined by Man Repeller writer Anna Iovine but what is orbiting, you ask? Before we go to that part though, let’s define ghosting first.
Say you are in a relationship with someone else, you guys were happy or so you thought, and then one day he just up and disappeared without a word. That is ghosting.
Time passes by but then out of nowhere, he liked one of your selfies on Instagram but that’s just the beginning. He continues this behavior by liking your photos, he even watches your Instagram stories, and he even comments on your posts sometimes. Unfortunately, that’s all there is to it because when you messaged him, he ignored you even though he saw your message. Infuriated, you unfollow him from each and every single one of his social media but alas, he continues to stalk you. That, my dear Adam4Adam readers, is what orbiting is. Still ghosting, yes? Except this time, they say, “the ghost is visible.” According to Ms. Iovine, it’s him “keeping you in their orbit—close enough to see each other; far enough to never talk.”
But why do people do the orbit? Netizens theorize it’s because “they want to keep their options open” or that they are not ready to commit today but maybe they might want to reconnect later. On the other hand, writer Philip Ellis explained that in the case of the LGBT community where it’s small and “everyone seems to know everyone even if it’s just on Instagram,” it could be the guy’s form of “diplomatic measure.” Ellis says it means that should you guys happen to stumble across each other by accident in a very public space like a bar then you can still be civil and say “hi” to one another.
That being said, have you ever been orbited by someone? And what if that someone wanted to rekindle the flame years later, would you? Share with us your thoughts and orbiting stories in the comments section below.
I get orbited all the time because I have a long, thick cock with a big head. So the cock collectors want it up their asses and then poof they are gone then they start to show up again. Some even have multiple accounts with the same face pic.
I have experienced this myself… I met a guy online on AIM then, around my age when I was 15 or 16… we chatted online for years and then moved to texting… We messed around sexually a few times but we were more friends than anything. When I moved to Florida… we remained in contact and he even visited Florida and hung out with me. Then one day, he stopped communicating and I got worried… I expressed me concerns but he brushed it off as if 10 years of friendship wasn’t really a friendship nor we had any history. So I decided to let it go (I could have been more emotional than I was at the time but something told me the mature thing to do was to focus on the future, so I didn’t dwell on it).
More recently, he was stalking me via Social Media thru Instagram, by liking my photos and watching my stories and message me while he was visiting Miami. By then I was already over our friendship and put all ill feelings to rest. He explained why he cut me off along with others including his mother and apologized… but I was numb to him already and told him I couldn’t see us ever being close again because his sudden departure to his Mother let me know that he is capable of doing this again. What we had could never be rekindled or the same trust would take forever to be rebuilt.
I’m glad that this happened to me and have no regrets as I learned a lesson in life and turn my faith to God in handing people or situations like what I just experienced.
I’ve never been orbited by a guy; however, if I were and he wanted to rekindle the relationship at a later date, I wouldn’t trust him not to ghost me in the future. Ghosting and orbiting seem like control mechanisms. I miss the days when men said what they meant and meant what they said.
I think this is what’s happening to me now. I’ve been seeing a guy on-and-off. “Seeing” being a stretch, actually. It’s more like, I ask if they’re free, they respond three days later asking, “How was your weekend?” I call things off, and he fights tooth and nail to keep me in his life. In two months we’ve been on 4 dates, most of which were just walking around outside and talking for a couple of hours, and had 3 breakups. It’s a low orbit, but not low enough to make contact.
I get orbited fairly regularly…on Adam4Adam lol
That’s city gays in a nutshell. They are in a perpetual state of “keeping all of their options open” but never choosing one.
That’s why in NYC and SF there’s only gays in open relationships, or single gays.
On this damn site yes a lot. I’m a black guy and of course we don’t get looked at much or at all. I have a nice ass and like meeting new people. The guy claims he’s imnot interested or not his type or pretty much ignores my message, yet he’s on my profile every day. I asked how you doing and yet ignores my message. It’s really annoying because if you’re not interested why do you keep viewing my profile? I don’t even think it’s keeping the options open because it’s either you want to talk or not. Don’t need you to be hovering my profile like a stalker.
This online crap’s gotta go. It’s ruining society in all segment. It leads social media addicts to treats otherrs as objects instead of humans.
The Unabomber was RIGHT.
This is just being ridiculous, hideous and def not man enough that has some actual balls
– not grown-up enough to ever show interest Esp enough to have a conversation
I just had this happen just tonight Guys being such pricks that find out my likes wants boundaries & dislikes it
But because it doesn’t meet with his
so he blocks you ,ghosts/ orbits you
this is just another term for especially the younger generation but just people in society not being decent enough to just say I’m not interested
Or be able to speak of their issues with you
– Be a big boy & have an actual conversation and see if you both can move past it
but this is what happens with people anymore and especially with gay bitches And they’re “Gay f***ing drama”-
Thank goodness I never signed up for any of that non sense due to being attracted to another guy I Might be single for the past ten years but at least I don’t & didn’t have to deal with this bullshit . EVER !
Integrity, consistency goes a long -VERY LONG WAY WITH ME .
Not too many have that I find Esp more so as time goes on
It’s Hookups , group sex orgy sex pilyamourous non binary nonsense but then the famous talk of hooking up – only to flake . But the oh my so favorite
-Insolence , just being plain rude , being self entitled – think you’re the only person who matters
“the very epitome of Millennial attitude”
that HAS swept up & affected across “ the Gays “ as well . Shallowness , beyond superficial and just a waste of time only to bring this Ghosting , orbiting- OR whatever other nonsense term that needs to be labeled which I thought the” gays” don’t want but are great at doing .
Def dont practice what they actually are prevalently doing!!!…. which is actually is cowardice douchebag and no balls behavior amongst so many.
My wish Thru all this
-Is that all these people that do this
I hope you NEVER meet somebody that you actually could be with & happy
I hope you have to go through a course of time that people reject you left and right because you did this fucked up bullshit ghosting orbiting ,shallow GAY BS nonsense OF when you see pictures / or the moment you don’t see or hear what you like -what you feel you have to have -your preconceived notion’s and hideous unacheivable expectations for anybody that ever had chance with ya !!!
I mean it !!
I hope you’re left alone each and everyone of you that has pulled this bullshit
that is my wish for you bastards ALL that wasted someone’s time when they might actually be interested in something more than the majority of the Gay BS … that’s clearing festering more and more …..
I think a lot of us have a philosophy: rather than roaming the country trying to fuck every stranger around, like Circuit Party Deadheads, we’re actually looking to make meaningful adult acquaintances, who form mature adult friendships, and then perhaps move out of the Friend Zone into something else — or, perhaps not.
In the above scenario, it sounds like the “relationship” was only in the other person’s head. And maybe that was part of the problem — one person is casually dating and building a friendship, while the other is creating a relationship out of it. The casual dater is still casual, but now the person in the one-sided relationship is confused. Maybe their communication styles are different. The casual dater might not respond instantly, or might not respond to bits of small talk. He might like a post on social media because it’s a mutual interest, but then the other fellow wants to text salutations, or worse, memes and emojis, and the causal dater doesn’t have any meaningful reply to such counterfeit communication…
Such a difference in personalities and temperaments is going to prohibit a relationship from developing beyond a certain point. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do the mature thing and stay in one another’s orbit. It’s how we form a meaningful community.
All I have to say is this…
It’s a sad day in society in general (Not in just the LBGT Community) when behavior such as this has become acceptable to the point that it has an actual name..
Where did we go wrong?
Are the days of common courtesy & having respect for one another truly a thing of the past?
Most definitely! It is more irritating than ghosting. Long story short, I met this guy at a pincushion party. For those not familiar with the term, I was bent over and everyone at the party put it in me, AKA pincushion. (Safely of course) So, this one guy kept coming back throughout the night. It seemed as though he had an 8 hour hardon. He was the last one to fuck me when the night was over and he invited me to breakfast. We spent the next 3 weeks together having the most non-stop sex that I have ever experienced! This guy was truly the energizer bunny! Always hard, always ready. Then one day for no reason he just disappeared. He hits my A4a, my Facebook, my twitter etc. I thought we had something great, we shared time. Now I wish he would just totally ghost.
“I met this guy at a pincushion party.”
That’s OF COURSE where you meet Mr. Happy Ever After.
yes i have by a guy on bear411 he lives in Colorado now but still kept it up he use to live in columbus oh and kept saying he was moving back there he has tryed to friend me on facebook too and finally just blocked him
He’s just not that into you …
Well, I can tell you that if you don’t have a lot of experience, especially on a site like this, people aren’t that interested in talking to you. THEY may SAY the want a relationship, but most really want the convenience of a hookup. Since we don’t have any previous time together, not sure it’s ‘orbiting’ per se, however, I find I regularly dance around the same profiles checking me out. Deep down, they seem sexy and interesting, but neither of us make the move. The only person I made the move with lied to me and told me he had a girlfriend, but it turned out it was a wife. Instead of believing we were growing together as friends maybe more, now i have lots of regret (what else did he lie about? Does he even like me?) It is like you are GOOD ENOUGH to be INTERESTING, but not really worth the HASSLE – and it’s cool, I get it … fast food is quick/convenient, it takes a while to nail a steak and somtimes its just too complicated
“they want to keep their options open” . . . now there’s avant-guard for you !
The sooner we all learn NOT to rely on “social media” to socialize, the more-developed we will become as complete, social beings. That doesn’t automatically mean bar-hopping either.
yes I have been…and yes I probably would rekindle the relationship if circumstances were right…you can’t tell your heart not to love
Why the fuck is this important? As a medical mental health professional engaged in the gay community of a large city for longer than most of you have been alive I’m going to be blunt. Who’s the idiot here? Step back and look. Who’s allowing this behavior to exist? What ‘date’ sites are you paying for, where you tolerate this behavior? Every minute you spend putting up with this, letting it occupy your mind is TIME YOU WILL NEVER, EVER RECLAIM. The gay male community has become nothing but a pool of codependent whiners. Guys, take fucking charge of your own lives, because no one else will, and despite what sites like this or your weekend trick might tell you, no they really don’t give a shit about you or your life…
Yes, I keep getting orbited once in a blue moon from this guy I really fell for. We met on a4a in 2011 and it was an incredible first year. He drove a great car, he was in excellent shape and so was I , he was a sweetheart and we had incredible sex over and over and over…He brought me all kinds of gifts he would get from his work legally -clothing, shoes, t-shirts – I gave a bunch of the really nice sweatshirt items to my parents for Christmas and they still are wearing his “gifts” to this day just as I do. He took me out for breakfast practically every Sunday, I would bake for him and feed him and do my faves (yes, we had a blast doing that too together) every weekend. Then one day it all just stopped and to this day I don’t know why. He still contacts me to this day once every year or so…through adam4adam or a text message. I get so excited to hear from him and then nothing in return. I’m afraid I could fall for him again since there is still no one person in my life but the highs I get when he contacts me are always followed by a longer period of low’s and I always question “why does he still bother to want to say anything to me” because it never is followed by an answer or conversation that we used to have. It still hurts a little when I see my parents wearing his clothing (I’m really glad they liked the gifts, but…) or when I put on one of his t-shirts or hoodies and remember the time he gave me those things and to how it ended up. The trust has been shot so I think I would not take him back even if he wanted me back but there’s this one little vulnerable part of me that says “maybe”.
How much of a helpless victim do we need to allow ourselves to be?
“Say you are in a relationship with someone else, you guys were happy or so you thought,” Did the guy here discuss said “relationship”? Were terms understood? Or was he just … hopeful? Looks like “hopeful” trumped COMMUNICATION and definition here.
“…you UNFOLLOW him from each and every single one of his social media but alas, he continues to stalk you.” The guy here stopped FOLLOWING, but didn’t UNFRIEND or BLOCK the Orbiter? No wonder the Orbiter was able to keep up on what the guy was doing. He should have gone a step further and let a couple (define that as TWO) their best acquaintances in on what the Orbiter did. For certain in a NON-slanderous way … keeping to the “Facts, Jack”.
“…should you guys happen to stumble across each other by accident in a very public space like a bar then you can still be civil and say “hi”…” Civility? How about looking right through the Orbiter? How about not acknowledging him? How about just walk right by him? That’s civil.
When will many gay guys grow up? Find self-preservation? Find self-esteem? Stop being whimsical? Stop being “hopeful”? Stop putting themselves in emotional harm’s way by their own behavior?
With a guy, when it’s time, define your RELATIONSHIP! Maybe it’s casual.
Use social media to your own protection.
Be civil. And understand what that means.
Lose the panties. Get some briefs. Men are tough. Consider a jock.
Well at least I now know what the experience is called. This happens on all levels of a relationship – from dating to FWBs and the occasional FB. My personal experience is in the FWB/FB category. A straight-curious buddy (married with 4 kids) anonymously contacted me a year ago asking if I screwed around. He works locally and I have a very flexible 6a-6p schedule that would allow him to spontaneously stop by if he was in the mood play. At first we played once per week, then once every 2 weeks, then once a month, etc. where now down to once per qtr. So for the past 3-4 months he’s been seen lurking on social media but never directly through text or phone calls. When confronted about the changing frequency or dynamics he simply states that nothing has changed and that it’s all about timing. Upon reflection, I think the article is correct about the basis for “orbiting” being that guys want to keep their options open, but also key in this is that they/we/I simply enjoy variety especially if the relationship in question is not romantic in nature (dating) but rather a simple sexual connection (FWB/FB). Personally, I just want one guy one the side where we enjoy each other’s sexual company but with a frequency that satisfies both (once per week would be ideal).
I am perfectly willing to accept that I have been ghosted BUT “orbited??? Because they may be the one who first ghosted me but I will show them how a professional, PhD calliber motherf**ker does ghosting!!! If you want to be back in contact you should start with an apology and explaination!!! As for commenting, checking my blog, profile, etc??? I will ignore you like you never existed!!! And sending a message or commenting, which is totally passive aggressive, won’t get you anything from me!!! After all, you are now as much if not more of a ghost to me!!! And if you do something to piss me off so I am compelled to communicate with you??? When I am done with you, you will know that you f**ked with the wrong one!!!
Whoa! Now I know! I’m NOT crazy, well maybe a little, but not a total wack job!
I’m older. 66. Two days ago to be exact, and came down with the flu/bad cold, two days before that. So in my waking moments, staying in bed, being a good patient, i entertained myself strolling around on either a4a, mh, or sd, and at one point stumbled upon the a4ablog. Some of it entertaining, some enlightening, some useful and some…….beaten with a stick, woefully tedious!
A somewhat local guy, my age group, hits on me. We back and forth a couple times. My life is busy. I can’t commit to anything and gets pissed at me and says if im not interested i should block him. WHAT? That was over a year ago. Out of nowhere he appears. All friendly, chatting, I dont remind him of the incident. Now, at this point in my life I’m a pretty upfront, no beat about the bush kinda guy. He’s sharing, asking, it’s going well. Tell him I’m going out of town, back in a week and I’ll get back in touch. Fine. Two days before I’m to leave I totally screw up a once already screwed up knee. Can’t walk, let alone get on and off planes. I cancel my flight. Airline doesn’t charge me a cancellation fee if I supply medical info, which I do. This guy sees me online asks what I am up to! I said I fecked my knee, just got a cortisone shot and had to cancel my trip, but the knee is much better and starting therapy. Likely story he says. You guys are all the same. All talk, no show, and before i can respond, he blocks me! I figure I’m the lucky one! Slight crazed, mad for dick and a firm bod, but def not a wack job!