Speak Out: “No Blowjobs,” is it a Deal Breaker for You?
(Photo Credits: MEN – Save 50% Today)
It is clear from our previous article titled, “Speak Out: Do You Swallow?” that some Adam4Adam readers, if not all, love blowjobs whether giving it or receiving. But what if your partner, or hookup, or fuck buddy dislikes giving head (or receiving, for that matter), is it a deal breaker for you or not and why?
We are asking because we read about this concern online often enough to notice that yes, there are some gay men who don’t like blow jobs but it’s just as they say, one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Others love giving blow jobs although they hate receiving it while others love receiving it although they hate reciprocating, which one are you?
That being said we outlined for you below the reasons why others dislike blowjobs.
- One word: teeth. One guy noted that his boyfriend goes soft whenever he goes down on him and when he asked netizens about the probable reason, they said when blowjobs come with teeth then it is off the table because it fucking hurts.
- They simply can’t give head because they suffer from a condition called temporomandibular joint and muscle disorder (TMJD) that “cause pain and dysfunction in the jaw joint and muscles that control jaw movement.” This means they feel “radiating pain in the face, jaw, or neck” and they experience difficulty opening their jaw to name a few.
- Health reasons, they don’t know the guy.
- A top confessed he is not willing to reciprocate oral sex because he finds it “degrading, submissive, and unappealing.” Because of this, he said, all of his relationships ultimately led to breakup.
Which brings us back to the question: when your partner refuses to receive or give you head, would you break up with him? Why or why not? Under what circumstances would you refuse oral sex? Share with us your thoughts and blowjob stories in the comments section below and also, don’t forget to download the new Adam4Adam app from Google Play for Android and from iTunes Store for iOS!
I met up with a 20-year-old last week. He would fuck me and I could suck his cock, but he wouldn’t blow me or let me fuck him. We had a good time — he had a gorgeous ass that he let me touch and let me feel his hole — but I was disappointed that his 20-year-old mouth wouldn’t suck me off. I’m 59, and I find lots of younger hook-ups won’t kiss, won’t suck, and won’t get fucked. Not a judgement, just an observation. marcUPguy
Because he’s young and not interested in you seem like to me.
I would venture that the age difference is the issue for this youngster! Sucking a mans cock is very intimate and he may be feeling ‘wierded out’ by sucking daddy’s wiener?
I will give a blowjob anytime, anywhere, any cock. I once got out of the hospital — four days for pnemonia — and the first place I stopped was a hotel room to give two guys blow jobs. Cum: my favorite beverage.
Wow, gay men are so touchy, I LOVE blowjobs, either giving or receiving! Nothing better then getting my cock sucked or even better taking a nice hard one in my mouth, love looking up at the guys eyes when I go down on him! Gay sex is about the DICK…….no blowjobs, might as well go straight!!!
“A top confessed he is not willing to reciprocate oral sex because he finds it “degrading, submissive, and unappealing.” Because of this, he said, all of his relationships ultimately led to breakup.”
No wonder you get dumped. Get over yourself, Butch.
That’s my kind of top, I love pleasing men and prefer to stroke off after they are satisfied
I want a top to be a Dominant In control Top, I don’t want him to degrade himself, having a top suck dick is unappealing, and degrades his masculinity. . I’m the submissive one to be degraded and to be used and the one to be doing the sucking.
Except that sucking dick is no where near a “degrading” act. It’s narcissism that fuels that nonsense. If a guy’s too good to suck my dick, then he can pound pavement. I’m not desperate to engage in an egotists power games. But if he has a medical condition, like TMJ or another that prevents the jaw movement, then that’s completely understandable. Those dudes need love too and I’m happy to provide.
It is a deal breaker for me. My partner must like giving and receiving oral. I have ended relationships because of it.
Head is not mandatory on a first hookup, but there will be no repeat.
So, actually head IS mandatory.
I love sucking cock anytime i get the chance love the feel and taste of it and getting a load of cum is bliss !
I love to give head and love getting fucked but because of my heart medications, I suffer from ED and can’t take anything for it. Because of this, I don’t like receiving anymore and topping is out of the question. I want to know where to find these guys that are happy to receive without reciprocation. Most of the guys I meet don’t want a “broken” guy.
You sound like a sweet guy. Hugs. And there are TONS of men out there that will sit back and let you blow them.
I appreciate your situation, due to hiv neuropathy since before 1994 and while I was always a bottom, I truly jacked up my oral skills all the way around! It’s always a strange situation when a guy online asks to see my cock…
I’m available
I get it, I have the same problem. This being true, it is often compounded by knowing it is an issue and the guy not understanding what it means. Most guys think “boner’ medication can solve the problem because many guys take it (don’t need it) so they can longer and harder, They misunderstand for those who really have ED medication has a limited success rate regardless of the marketing, commercial, and hearsay. And there are medical conditions as KW and Mike point where medications can’t be taken, medical conditions or medication conflicts which in my experience is mistaken take it as not being interested in receiving blow job or being a top.
There is also an anxiety problem as well. Having attention focused on receiving when the giver wants to try because they are convinced it is the only because “no one is as good as they are”, only makes it worse when you know that’s not gonna help and is going to or does lead to disappointment.
I am an excellent cock sucker (I know everyone says that) and I often have guys to come back for more and more. This is a double edge sword because while I totally love doing it, is as good as I am, rarely does it evolve into getting fucked. And that is disappointing to me.
So, yes it is it a deal breaker? Sometimes it is when a Top or Versatile guy makes it so and I can not deliver. Not so much for hookups and/or expectations are dealt with and with a Top who doesn’t want to give a bj or bottom. One mans selfish Top is this man’s ideal Top. They are nearly hard to find or there is a really long line to get one. It makes it very difficult to be real intimate in an encounter at first when all this is going on.
I keep looking….
Greetings from a random hooker-upper. I love sucking cock, period. That said, when I do random hookups, which I do when I can, I know this will sound somewhat naive on my part, but I’ll only suck guys who don’t pre-cum at all, because I don’t want anyone’s jizz in my mouth. Very rarely have guys told me to go fuck off because of this. The few who have often (rightly) point out that everyone pre-cums at least a bit. But being super cautious, that’s the way I prefer to play it.
There is not a recorded case of HIV being transmitted orally, not one, so what’s the issue. Don’t like the taste? Just swallow quickly, feel the squirt and swallow !! 🙂
Why suck if you don’t swallow.
I have searched for my elusive pre-cum, but in all my years have never produced any that I am aware of (but I shoot lots of cum)
I’ve never produced pre-cum in my life
If it comes to me not getting a blow job im fine with that but i love to suck so if he doesn’t like receiving blow jobs it wouldnt work out.
It is a deal breaker for me too. Love a cock In my mouth and to be sucked!
Other than the teeth issue (which is easily solved by being careful), I simply do NOT understand how someone can not like having his dick sucked!! I love sucking as well, and sometimes will ask a guy if I can blow him and tell him no reciprocation necessary and he still says no. Not me! If some guy wants to suck my dick, I don’t care if he has 3 eyes, webbed feet, and weighs 400 lbs, he gets my dick! that said, I’m a little more picky when it comes to returning the favor.
To used to my hand and I hate when guys goto suck my duck because they all get hung up and do a 360 and become the bottom or place all action on me to cum. When all i want to do is get fucked.
I look for guys who are versatile. If a guy is only a “total top” or “total bottom” or “looking to get my cock sucked. No reciprocation.” or “looking to suck you. No reciprocation.”, I’ll pass..
Good man sex for me always involves a variety of activities. There are no “must haves”. The guys I play with are all good “all around” players. Each has his own bag if tricks and activities he likes, as well as some that are “prefer not to.” A guy who isn’t into giving and/or receiving oral is fine … as long as he has other tools in his toolbox. Funny, I just don’t seem to know any guys who don’t like to suck and be sucked.
I look for guys who are versatile. If a guy is only a “total top” or “total bottom” or “looking to get my cock sucked. No reciprocation.” or “looking to suck you. No reciprocation.”, I’ll pass..
Good man sex for me always involves a variety of activities. There are no “must haves”. The guys I play with are all good “all around” players. Each has his own bag if tricks and activities he likes, as well as some that are “prefer not to.” A guy who isn’t into giving and/or receiving oral is fine … as long as he has other sex tools in his toolbox. Funny, I just don’t seem to know any guys who don’t like to suck and be sucked.
First and foremost I’m a top. Now a lot of guys like their dick sucked but honestly I wouldn’t mind doing it however, I would have to feel comfortable about doing it or it really depends on if the vibe is right. But I really don’t like sucking because most guys would probably go overboard with it. What I mean by that is someone might put their hand on your head, try to cum in your mouth without saying anything, or try to cum on your face. All of that is a HUGE deal breaker which is exactly why I rarely even do it.
Yes. It is a deal breaker. I love sucking cock. Love recieving head. Gotta have it
I love giving blow jobs. I can’t get enough cocks to suck. I love watching and hearing the the person I am sucking make his sounds and dirty talking while I am sucking him. To me that is what being gay is all about. I like being fuck also. Nothing turns me on more than 69 position.
I want to chip in my 2 cents. I think some guys may refuse give or take bjs, because not all guys have the best hygiene down there or in their mouths. Nothing worse than trying to provide a bj and it smells bad lol! Some guys might be too aggressive give or take, so there’s need to be that talk even for a blow lol!
As for that top saying it’s degrading to blow his partner, what a prick! He might not like giving bj, but he has to right to make it seem like it’s degrading or make him sub if he does it, whatever. But he has no problem getting his d sucked right? He sound rather homophobic. He should be thankful he’s even getting any with that attitude!
Totally agree with the personal hygiene part. I enjoy giving and receiving a nice slow bj if I’m really attracted to the guy. Plus I want to fuck after that. ……
Not giving or receiving oral sex is a definite deal breaker for me. This is why I get to know a guy as well as I can online before I meet with him in person. This allows me to fully discuss what I’m into and what I’m not. Reciprocally, the guy I’m chatting with can do the same as well. I love to both give and receive and it’s important that the guy I’m with does as well. I don’t care how hot a guy is, if he’s not into oral sex it’s not happening.
I use to like blowjobs but most be gagging or trying to jack me off. If the dick is too thick and your can’t get around it then move on. When it comes to dating fems are the best… they worship dick and don’t want you touching them down there.
You sound like my kind of guy, I love sucking and being a bottom and could care less if the guy doesn’t even touch me there, just give me a cock and the cum
I have to agree with MARKUPGUY’s boi-toys or hook-ups, sounds like they’re up on their knowledge about the latest STD”S/STI’s/HIV statistics to me, smart. I have in the past, been with guys that di not dare blow me, either, just as I would not blow them, let alone letting them fuck me, period, I’ve used many condoms with them, however. I think prostate massages or frottage or any kind I good-safe, I just love making-out though, damn! It’s really a fucking jungle of the worst kind out here these days, man, it getting to feel like being in a sci-fi “Out-Break or something.
It is mandatory that a hook-up or date allows me to suck his cock! Doesn’t bother me that he won’t suck mine or not! My peasure is swallowing his load!
If a guy is hot enough to kiss, he’s hot enough to blow, and more than just the frantic bobbing on his shaft. Touches, stroke variations, multiple stimulation gets his whole body wired and actually makes for good bonding. It turns me on before I top him. It relaxes him for bottoming. Or it’s an event of its own.
Sometimes I enjoy giving a dude pleasure because I’m into him. But I was talking with one about it and he said he wouldn’t do me because it meant I was sissy femme to do it. I am just a guy, glad to be a man, and he pretty much lost his freebie. Crazy thing is, I impressed him so much as a person, lately he’s wanting to give me one, no reciprocation.
Bottom line, head is fun, rewarding, exciting, and far from subservient. You have to be sure of yourself to do it.
I think it would be a deal breaker for me.
I love getting sucked and there is no better feeling than feeling a nice big thick soft dick get hard in your mouth. From my experience LOTS of guys have no idea how to give good head, head that makes you want more and more until…………….Comon boys, get it together, learn the tricks of the trade so to speak, what are you afraid of? Pleasure your mate and you’ll be pleasured !!
If you don’t like Dick are you really Gay Or Bi ?
I just cannot get enough cock and cum (my favorite beverage). If I could get paid just for sucking cock all day, I would do it. Wait . . . that makes me sound kind of like a prostitute (which I probably was in a former life). So, okay, I can’t help it: I suck so much cock now because I did so in my former life. thaddeus172000
Gotta be both ways for me i love a hot 69 before i go balls deep in an ass
As a top it is not mandatory for me to receive a blowjob and I do not give them. I dont get off on it. A blowjob does nothing for me.
My ex’s married brother loves to suck my cock. He won’t top me and doesn’t want to get blown. He just rims me and sucks my dick. I’m a bottom and would love for him to fuck me, but I let him suck and rim me. I usually go in his basement around 3am and he does me until the sun comes up and I have to sneak out.
Complete deal breaker ,, I love sucking dick and I do have a CPL of married guys that I only give them head and it works for both of us…of course I also love getting head and they are working on it ,, but with a partner or long term it would be a deal breaker for me if I didn’t also receive good head , for me it is more personal not to mention erotic to service a hot man , worshipping his dick with my tounge lips and mouth.. to be able to provide someone else that you care for in some way that amount of pleasure , can actually make me cum from giving it
I’m a bottom but if a top knows how to suck dick I’m totally down to be sucked. However, I am currently avoiding a top buddy with a sweet 7.5 inch thick cock because he likes to suck me but is all teeth! Horrible blowjob! It’s bad if I’m passing on thick cock. As far as no blowjob being a deal breaker? How can you see a new cock and not want it in your mouth? Want its cum in your mouth or on your face? It’s just the hottest thing I can imagine.
Blow jobs are rather risque and sort of taboo in heterosexual and homosexual life styles. It’s also a high sexual, frisky and bold sex act. It is something not everyone is into, so meeting a overly horny partner is always a possibility, thus they heavily rely on porn and masturbation. I’d say the majority of gay men enjoy giving blow jobs, but if you are in a relationship or dating and it becomes a touchy experience, then I’d reconsider your attraction towards one another. I personally was not sexually attracted to my previous partner, therefore I sacrificed 7 years of limited sex with him because of my faithfulness. I was not turned on enough for me to want to give him blow jobs, as well as fucking as well. Anyway, it is unfortunate if you end up with someone and you can’t get oral action..I thought, am I ever going to be able to suck a dick again?? so many flavors out there, why settle? What makes someone THE ONE for open relationship participants? What makes someone a home base spouse? I feel it realistically leaves a lack of ‘special sparks’ in one’s intimate closeness when open sex is allowed. Could kissing and cuddling really be the only reason those types of guys in a ‘relationship and tied down’ status want to put a label on them.? Having your cake and eating it to must be nice. Sex and blow jobs is 100% mental. It’s a fact that hot people can ALWAYS get away with anything and sex and flesh between the legs seem more tasty when one isn’t the average schmuck.
Giving and receiving genital oral is very important but so is the other “oral sex” kissing. Lack of either is deal breaking for me.
Oh, no sucky sucky? Then no fucky fucky. Sorry.
I’m not crazy receiving deep sucking, I don’t like the teeth and don’t like the guy’s nose smashing against me. It doesn’t please me much. I prefer greasy handjobs anytime! Too bad guys aren’t into handjobs. I like to suck (the nob mostly) but I don’t give head if I don’t know the guy (unless if he’s really hot) I don’t care much about blowjobs
I’m a cocksucker, so yes its a deal breaker. I look for and like to have regulars to suck and swallow.
I am with you Jim !!
Dont care if i get a blow job or not…i just like sucking dick… and if i can do anal at the time i will… i like getting off when some one is giving me a good fuck… nothing like it…!..
KW… get yourself a penis pump… works well for people who take blood pressure medicine… you will get super hard not to mention build your cock back up… get one that will fit you well…
I don’t like “total tops”, guys who eat ass but won’t suck dick. If they don’t sick, I don’t suck. I love sucking dick tho.
I prefer to receive head then give. It’s because I have a not so good gag reflex and I’m mostly scared if I start gagging on a cock that’s too big for my mouth.
As a total top I love getting my cock sucked. Nothing like good head to get your cock throbbing hard before you fuck a hookup. With that being said I never return the favor with a hookup.
When I hookup I feel sucking cock is being somewhat submissive. Sucking any member on A4A is not my thing. However, Once I know the guy and we have built FB situation I will return the favor and often enjoy it.
As weird as it may sound sucking cock is a sign of affection for me when I do it. Even if it just friends.
I hate getting BJs. Most guys don’t know what they’re doing and it ends up hurting so I don’t even allow it anymore. “I give the best head ever!” Yeah, right. You try to deep throat before I’m fully erect which bends my dick and hurts like hell. You’re more interested in swallowing the shaft than working on the head. Pass. If you have to give bad head to hook up, I won’t hook up with you. Thanks anyway. Learn how to suck dick and don’t get mad if some of us don’t want to take the chance in a useless hook up. Easier and less painful to just jack off than to let you mangle my cock with your mouth.
look at all the old guys going on about how they love giving head. lol
I loved giving head even in my late teens when I started and still do today, as for the old guys comment just remember you will be there some day also
I agree with what you told MIKE about his “old guys” comment. Not only will he be there some day, but someday happens way too quickly. You wake up one day and ask yourself where in Hell did the years go? A wise man once told me, “Looking ahead 25 years seems like a LONG time. Looking back 25 years seems like no time at all.”
Oral sex isn’t 0% chance of hiv infection. Statistics sho it may as high as 8% transmission rate. And there are always the chances of other stds. Herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia. Can all be spread through oral sex.
All of those can be more easily spread through anal. You just need to have the confidence to have fun in a lit space so you can look at the dick before you put it in your mouth. Even better, let him know your status and testing history before you start. If he’s mute about reciprocating this, then that’s a red flag and you are fully entitled to say, “this isn’t working for me, I’m leaving. I’m sorry.”
I don’t like getting BJs. The sensation is OK, but I don’t have much connection to the man: his eyes, smell, fur, weight. Someone can begin a BJ, and I’m hard. I just get softer and softer as it proceeds.
OTOH, I do like giving head if the guy wants it.
Oh, and I’d like to follow a lifetime journal for @mike as he becomes an “old guy.”
Wow, thought I was unusual, but your post describes me, too.
I don’t mind blowing a man, but I often run into a different but related problem. I don’t want the other guy to reciprocate. Getting head just does NOTHING for me, to the extent that sometimes I don’t even get hard when I guy sucks me. And then (you know gay men) it becomes a challenge: they’re gonna get me off by sucking me if it’s the last thing they do. Honestly, I’d rather by dusting or folding towels or something constructive instead.
Giving head to an appreciative partner is quite enjoyable for me. But getting… meh.
Sucking cock is my absolute favorite sexual activity, and perhaps one of the only ones I can do well even if I don’t have the greatest connection / chemistry with someone (I’m demisexual; chemistry is literally everything in terms of how sexually gratified I can personally expect to be at the end of the night).
If someone I was interested in told me I couldn’t suck their cock, it would be a deal breaker.
I’d like to address each of the four concerns you raised:
1. The fear of teeth scraping is fair. He just needs to experience someone with skill that knows how to do it without the abrasion.
2. TMJ or other jaw dysfunctions are totally fair as well. These guys crave blowjobs too and I’m glad to help out without expectation of reciprocation.
3. Not knowing the guy sounds like an intimacy issue. These guys should have a frank discussion with their partners about taking it slow. And also discuss STD testing history.
4. Claiming giving head is degrading is absolute narcissistic nonsense. I’m not surprised the guy’s relationships don’t work out because I’m 100% sure he’s problematic in other arenas as well.
Chemistry is important and it’s okay if it’s not there. People shouldn’t take it personally if it doesn’t work out because not everyone is going to be attracted or attractive to you.
I like getting bj but I rarely give it; I’d rather rim than suck. I get tired quite easily sucking and before long, I have aches on my jaw and feel as if I have flu with blocked nose. I am upfront about this and think sex should be between agreeable parties who want to respect the other’s potentials. ‘You dont have to do what you dont want to do’, thats my motto. I like to fuck and occasionally rim. And I have never ran out of guys who agrees and are a match. Currently have a fuckbuddy whose only activity between us is him rimming me for hours. And guess what, he’s a top like me. He rims and sucks me for hours and swallows my litres. He would let me suck him and his ass is a no-no. I cant even get a finger near it. But we enjoy and satisfy each other. I’ve known and played with this guy for 11years now.
I do occasionally suck (mainly my bf, although I hv had two bf in the past who do not want to be sucked at all). My current bf doesnt like to be sucked but I rim him good and he doesnt rim me at all cos he doesnt rim. I respect that and we have great sex nonetheless.
I love giving and receiving head, but never with a random hook up, at least not without a rubber on. There is way too much shit out there to catch, and I don’t believe the “I’m clean BS”, not when they tell me they bottom raw… I’ve had hook ups back out of our meeting because I insisted on using a rubber, after clearly stating that I use protection in my profile.
BJs are given if I approve of the size, shape and hygiene of the cock. I have many conditions that I expect to be met, in my own mind, that determines whether I get, or give BJs. I feel the same way about rimming, which I have only done a few times. Besides all of that, a BJ is “foreplay” onto my real interest, which is anal sex, subject to many of the same conditions as BJs. “Obliged” BJs always work out for me if my partner makes it known that they are expecting it. I just can’t always find it interesting.
“A top confessed he is not willing to reciprocate oral sex because he finds it “degrading, submissive, and unappealing.”
This sounds a lot like my ex. He had a certain view of sex that was informed by his previously being married to a woman for over 20 years prior to meeting me. I went quite a few years sucking his dick regularly and bottoming for him and all he did in return was jerk me off and some massaging of my upper body. He was upfront about his desires in the beginning and I enjoyed having sex with him.
You don’t have to have a BJ to be sexually active with a guy, especially if you really love the person your with. Most people think “gay” is just about sex, well it’s a lot more than that. If your intimate with the person you love, hey cuddling, kissing, jerking, anal play, etc is just as effective as getting blown. Being gay though is also about doing things together, going places, traveling, shopping, entertainment, caring about each others up’s and down’s and helping each other when help is needed. Sometimes just being together, being close with each other and good conversation is the best turn on. Yes, sex will follow and who cares if you get blown. It’s also fun just to jerk off as well with each other.