Sexuality: When Did You Stop Having Anal?
If you go entirely by perception, you’d think that the be-all and end-all of gay sex and dating is anal sex. But just like most things in life, what you think you know isn’t always the truth.
While the terms top, bottom, and vers are pretty well known, another term that has been making the rounds is “side”. It’s gay men who’ve rejected the top and bottom dichotomy, opting out of anal sex but are perfectly fine with everything else, like hand jobs, blow jobs, or rimming.
First coined in 2013 by psychotherapist Joe Kort, Ph. D., in The Huffington Post, the term seems to be making a resurgence, since a lot of gay men are rejecting the stereotypes often hoisted on people who identify either as tops or bottoms. The bottoms get the most abuse — pun intended — often being immediately assumed to be the more effeminate one in the relationship.
Of course, there are also other reasons why people become sides. Health issues, like prostate surgery or hemorrhoids, might make one a side out of necessity. There’s also the fact that it does take a lot of work to have anal sex. Unless you’re into scat, it’s just respectful to make sure that you’ve douched before anal.
There’s also the fact that bottoming can just be plain painful. In our post on bottoming for the first time, reader Royalthings talks about how his partner “was so big” that he “couldn’t take his dick.” Reader Parker recalled that “The first for penetration was painful!” Being a side just seems easier.
We’d like to know if any of you guys identify as sides, and what was it that made you identify that way. Is it any of the reasons above? Or do you have another reason entirely? Do you guys have any hot “side” stories to share? Talk about it with us in the comments section below!