Speak Out: Did You Come Out at School?
Photo Credits: Next Door Studios
Last June, we talked about coming out at work but what about at school? Did you come out when you were still at school? How did that go for you?
We asked because Jake Shears, the frontman of the band Scissor Sisters, apparently came out to his parents and at his school when he was 15. He talked about the experience in his video for “It Gets Better” project extensively in October 2010; he called it “probably the worst year” of his life because he was “harassed, followed, and threatened.” He added that “kids wanted to kill him” and that he couldn’t “go from class to class without being accosted.”
Shears said his schoolmates would throw desks and chairs at him and that he would get sent to principal’s office along with said bullies. In spite of all these, he said the teachers “pretended not to see what was going on” while the principal told him the bullying happened because Shears “did not keep his private life private where it belonged.” Watch him speak about it below.
According to stopbullying.gov, both “the LGBT youth and those perceived as LGBT are at an increased risk of being bullied.” Gay bullying statistics said that about 9 out of 10 LGBT teens experienced bullying at school due to their sexual orientation. When this happens, the site encourages the students to “tell a trusted adult, parent, or teacher.” For more information on the issue, click here, here, and here.
Having said that, did you come out when you were at school? Did you get bullied as well because of your sexual orientation? How did your school handle bullying, harassment, and violence against all students? Did your school have policies that promote health and safety among LGBT youth?
Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
Nope. I knew I was gay, but it wasn’t this struggling “OMG I have to come out!” experience. But many others knew, and so I was the recipient of much bullying. I didn’t endure anything as severe as what is described in the article, but it wasn’t any more fun. I got “I’m gay” signs posted to my back in class, I was randomly punched in the back of the ribs in the hallways, things like that. Eventually the offenders were punished for “sexual harassment,” which they found laughable.
In college, a little more force was exerted. My dorm room power was shut off one night, and I had to call the desk to get it turned back on. I found things written on my door in permanent marker. I got harassing phone calls. People would bang on my door late at night and run away. “Rainbow” was shouted in the hallway frequently. I finally complained to my Community Advisor about it, and he did nothing but take a report and go away for the weekend. When he returned, there was physical evidence and proof I could show, so I was given a new dorm room. After that, no more problems.
Let down by the liberal establishment.
Teachers and administrators talk a good game but let this abuse thrive.
I wish. My “Coming Out” was weird for me and to different people. While my mom would ask just about everyday if I liked boys or liked girls. I think the hickey on my neck one night solidified the actual truth of the matter. Around about that time I was just telling her that I was Bi.
In truth…… I never actually told my mom (or even my dad) that I was gay. My mom just kind of knew it all along. My dad – well I don’t know if he knows about me or not. But if what my mom says is true and I’m like my uncle Michael (my dad’s younger brother whom passed away back in the 80’s) then he probably knows or at least has some inclination about me. I’m not a showy, flamboyant gay so I guess that gives me some coverage. I’m, a gamer, into comics (like my dad) and anime (he also likes as well).
I think most of my friends in junior and high school knew. Especially my female friends. Especially 2 (the 2 Laura’s; Laura and LaLa).
The only person I actually came out to was my younger cousin/brother (he’s kind of both literally) when I was like 15 and he was uhm 7 or 8. He was always around me so it was I guess easy to just ask him and tell him. Oh, I think i came out to my older cousin Val (one night when I was drinking over my mom’s place and I kind of kept hitting on my cousin’s drama/dance/college mate – sorry but he way really freaking cute!).
I guess I came out at school. It was never said out loud, but actions speak louder than words. I was at a boarding school, and 20 of us slept in the same dorm room. Initially it was on a dare that I sucked one of the others of. However, within the next year I had sex on a one on one basis with every single one who slept in that dorm. I didn’t feel I was persecuted or bullied as a result of these actions, so I may have been extremely fortunate.
Coming of age in Ft. Lauderdale during the middle 1970s was not a time for being out — especially since I went to a Catholic HS that was and is very conservative. Great education but I am still trying to get over the indoctrination that was forced on us for four years. I was well into my 20s before I accepted who and what I was.
I didn’t come out in high school but I did suck a lot of my buds cocks after games or while chilling at the crib. Very down low.
No, it was a no-no back when I started, but a lot of alpha guys sure wanted my lips around their cocks.
Yes, I came out during high school and was the only gay gay until my senior year. I was picked on but I was mostly accepted otherwise. This was over 17 years ago.
OMG NO!!!!! I wouldn’t be here if I did. I am African American and I went to a school with a 80/20 ratio of more blacks than whites. The black brothers were very ignorant and plain out mean and nasty. The teachers and principal were literally attacked by the students. The suspension rate were high…..
Plus my family and church family would nail me to a cross. My Dad would beat me to death and I sincerely mean that, so fuck no!!!! Lol
I’m not naturally a violent guy but learned how to be. I was not bullied for being gay but just for being me.
By 8th grade I started attacking back… and running. I was fast and would be loud when necessary so the bigger guys (and girls) didn’t want it known they had been bested by me.
I would attack when their backs were turned (I was a small slim guy with an average frame but also smart so a lit a kids knew me and were jealous).
Once I got bigger and openly defiant and riciprocated the violence, it stopped. I called out a few former bullies and publicly intimidated them. I made the assholes stop. Once I knew I was gay, it was easy with no apologies to anyone, not even my family.
I told them and didn’t ask for their approval. I’m African American so the stakes and insults could be high.
I wasn’t having it!
Unthinkable in the 50’s and 60’s. Zero support mechanism outside a few big cities and even that was underground until Stonewall. Also would have been disowned by an extremely homophobic, strict Catholic, father who did pay for my college education. Often wonder if the paid-for college was worth the trade-off. Difficult to believe such hatred exists, even today, as exhibited by Roy Moore. His defeat certainly needs comment here.
Didn’t come out in highschool … it was the early 70s. “Gays? What are they?” Thought I was some aberration because I was a guy who wasn’t fired up about females’ tits, asses, and legs, as my peers were.
Didn’t come out in college … it was the late 70s. Gays were recognized. But the only ones you saw were loud, obnoxious, attention-whoring fems. Knew I wasn’t part of that “circus”.
Decades later, I still haven’t come out and don’t ever plan on doing it. Personally, not everyone needs to know I’m a guy who likes men and likes sex with men. The only individuals who need to know are … those who need to know. I don’t announce to everyone I meet that I really like pecan pie at Thanksgiving or I’m a fan of certain TV shows, play.s, or music Everyone does not need to know I like to kiss men, suck cocks, or take cocks up the ass from time to time. I don’t feel I need to draw a line and demand that everyone on the planet step over it.
If someone else does, that’s their choice.
I was in high school back in the 50’s no one came out. It just wasn’t done…Our basketball coach was a fantastic wonderful man…we became good friends. I finally spoke to him in private about being gay.. He said, “I’ve known that all along. If I were you I would keep it to myself. It’s your business and no one else. About a week later I stayed after school to do some chores for coach. I found coach in the gym sowers. Coach took my virginity that day…actually he didn’t take it. I gave it to him willingly. As for as I know, no one knew about coach and I. I never expressed any feeling toward coach in public but in private it was totally different.. Those were the best days of my life
I never came out in school. Everyone basically knew, and no I’m not flamboyant, but they knew. I was bullied a lot, but I survived. In college, nobody cared. Military was a bit different. Since I joined when the “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” was in effect, I could not come out. I was older than the other guys, joined later in life, but by then I was pretty independent and I was more mature than a lot of other guy. I had friends in the military that asked me point blank, and I just told them “who cares.” They would come to me and said other guys would say I was gay, and I just told them if they had a problem with me, they can say it to my face. I was not a muscled menace, but I didn’t take crap. But the funny thing was all the “speculation” stopped when I accidentally “injured” the muscled “bible” boy. LOL I apologized to him for what happened and I thought I was gonna be courtmarshalled for that incident, but I didn’t. But after that, all the questions stopped. My friends were cool. They stood up for me, without me knowing, and I am guessing they told those guys what I told them. Me being bullied gave me a tougher skin and really made me stand up against others that try to bully me now.
I was perceived as “different” long before I even knew I was gay, let alone before I came out about it. Kids bullied me in middle school pretty viciously and so did the teachers. My poor mother had tried everything even homeschooling and that didn’t help matters. I moved to a district in Texas before high school started and for the most part I thought things were going well. It only added new faces to the same problems. As freshmen year went on I was being yelled at and insulted by students, teachers and counselors. It seemed like I could do nothing right by these people, and the principal wanted to hold me back a year, but the guy was an idiot. I think by the time I graduated he had gone to another district out west to go be another school’s problem. I moved back to Ohio just before my sophomore year to the same former school district for three months and then to another district. I came out my Junior year of high school. It was more of an accident than anything on purpose but it didn’t matter. The worst of the bullying was when I was barricaded in a locker room for 20 minutes and when they left the boys had left a kickboxing dummy in front of the door. At the time this was quite heavy to move on my own. When I reported it to the school, the assistant principal and the principal took a statement but it went into a folder and that was all. So I played the ace up my sleeve. As I had been in the Delayed Entry Program for the Army I told my staff sergeant. He was like a father to me and with it having been the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell I didn’t get in any type of trouble. The next day him and two sergeants went in and told off both principals. I in turn got the brunt of their anger and humiliation as well as from a teacher who thought it was exaggerated, as he was being subbed for the day it happened. This had the desired effect though, the kids got suspended and I never had an issue with the principals again. I really could go on and on about different experiences and I’m happy to share more of them. My advice though to stay true to your own virtues and work towards your own success and enjoyment. Others take notice but they might come around. I received a shock earlier this past month when the head of the group of boys responsible for barricading me in the locker room messaged me on grinder. Saying he wanted to be the best I ever had…and I told him he had no chance of doing that. It doesn’t always end this way but in the end the only life we have is for ourselves. It seems easy to say that it gets better and I never believed it until now, but it did for me.