Speak Out: PrEP In A Monogamous Relationship?
Whether they deserve it or not, PrEP users have been saddled with a less than sterling reputation.
Because of PrEP allowing bareback sex to be back on the menu, those who use it have been branded irresponsible and slutty. It has come to the point where the term “Truvada whore” is now a common insult. It’s gotten so prevalent that a study in the 2017 issue of AIDS and Behavior revealed that “a belief that PrEP was for the promiscuous was strongly associated with lack of interest in using PrEP.”
While the conversation about PrEP among single people is already fraught with emotion, deciding to take PrEP while in a relationship is even more nerve-wracking. You can shrug off the opinions of strangers, but the feelings of someone closer to you carry a little more weight.
First off, opening a relationship to other people isn’t the only reason one would want to take PrEP while being monogamous. People working in high risk jobs, like doctors, nurses, HIV clinic volunteers, and sex workers can take PrEP. People who’ve spent time in prison or are victims of sexual abuse could also take PrEP.
That said, it’s understandable for one to feel a little worry when PrEP is brought up in a monogamous relationship, precisely because there are people who are looking to open up the relationship to other people. That’s a really big ask from one’s partner.
If your partner brings up the use of PrEP while you are in a monogamous relationship, is it something that you would be open to? Would you at least consider having a discussion about it? Or is it something that immediately turns you off? Share our thoughts and comments with us below.
In a monogamous relationship where one partner is HIV+, PrEP is appropriate. But it seems for many to be nothing more than a license to “live free” when it comes to safe sex. There are countless SDTs it provides no protection against. PrEP is NOT a reason to have unprotected sex.
So what does it mean when I guy lists “on PrEP” in his profile? To me personally, it means he has unprotected sex with random partners. His body. His choice, of course.
But for me, the choice is no thanks.
it could also serve as notice to others that he gets tested regularly (usually continuing scripts for PReP requires testing every three months) and that can serve as reassurance to any of the guy’s potential partners that he’s not one of those asshats who claim negative status based on a years-old negative result.
What an asinine comment. Yes, there are many std’s that aren’t prevented by Truvada. I, as a man on PrEP, recognize that & will do my best to protect myself from hiv & other std’s by continuing the use of condoms.
So please get off your sanctimonious high horse & stop lumping ALL men on PrEP as promiscuous risk takers.
Some of us are smarter than that.
Great for you.
When guys list “on PrEP” on their profiles they frequently also list “Bareback” and/or make no mention of “Safe sex only.”. There is nothing sanctimonious about saying “no thanks” then.
Ok I’ll be frank, the answer is in the word “monogamous” meaning just you and your partner ONLY, I’m bi and 26 years old and if I’m in a relationship with a guy or girl that’s it, no one else, why would either one of us need to use prep, unless one of us is stepping out on the other, if that’s the case I rather be alone than having to worry if my partner I spreading his/her cheeks for someone else cause there is no need for prep in a “monogamous” relationship at all, conversation over.
How many of us have been cheated on by a partner? Further how many of us have been lied to..”I didn’t have sex with him?” Even in a for real monogamous relationship you have every right to protect yourself from the possibility of what might happen. I personally can love someone very much and still have the engrained fear that at some point they may do to me what I consider the most disrespectful act of being physically with someone else. My health will come first period. My health! My choice! PERIOD!
Totally understand what you say J. I was cheated by my ex and even caught an STD, that’s how I learned he was cheating.
You got LUCKY that’s all that happened, Dave. In my day, a cheating b/f was a death sentence…and I knew many who did die because of that issue.
If you are in a 100% monogamous relationship and both have been tested hiv negative then I see no reason to take it. If there is any outside the relationship play, then both guys, or in the case of a polymorphous relationship, all members of the relationship should take Truvada. I take Truvada and don’t give a dam what people think about it.
Monogamy is a heteronormative constraint. Women needed monogamy when they were 100% dependent on men for money. We all know that gay men play. Gay men in relationships play. One of the joys of being a gay man is to be with many other gay men. It’s liberating. Safe sex. Condoms. Prep. Don’t be ridiculous.
O M G. You are so on point on this I couldn’t agree more.
Speak for yourself. There are gay men who absolutely do believe in monogamy.
And they are the ones who do DRAH-MA when they get cheated on. Lather…rinse…repeat. When gay men say “I believe in monogamy” they are just trying to look superior to others–which is a form of bullying and intolerance. It’s also extremely judgmental to act morally superior.
Not all gay men in relationships play. I’ve been in a 4 year relationship and now an 11 year relationship. If I can’t speak for my partner, I definitely speak for myself. We are not all whores.
So, to you, a man who has multiple partners is a whore? How judgmental!
Multiple partners? no. But a man whose sex life consists of frequent and regular one-time-only sex with random stranger partners who he considers nothing more than “throw-away-after use” is, yes, a whore. He can be proud of how hard he has worked to gain that status, judgement, and label. It is not something that is quickly or easy gained.
A look at the profiles of guys on here and the various phone apps shows that being in a relationship/married (and not of the declared open variety) is no guaranty that your bf/spouse isn’t going to cheat on you – locally or while you or he is travelling. So can fully understand why someone would want to use it. Perhaps it is best if both do to avoid that awkward ‘but you don’t trust me’ conversation
A prep conversation in a monogamous relationship should really be the second conversation had here, as the first should be about the relationship as I’m assuming one of the partners is fucking other people while it was an agreed upon arrangement to be monogamous. Both people should be mature enough to have that conversation as uncomfortable as it may initially seem to be, but feeling emotionally protected and comfortable in your arrangement is important. It’s clear that someone (or both) partners want the relationship to be open and while there is nothing wrong with that, it should be talked about and not glossed over. If an agreement to become an open relationship can be reached, boundaries of what work for the couple can help to identify what will keep it right for both people involved and that can include a discussion about safe sex needs and that can tie into prep.
I don’t see the point to this article. Honestly! PrEP has the same function of a condom. So why even mention a monogamous relationship? That is just beyond me. That’s a whole other issue altogether.
I get on the one hand why it could be upsetting to have this conversation. On the other hand, my two closest friends who are positive both got it from their partners while in a “monogamous” relationship. I am going to have to say that if I am bottoming for anyone, partner or not, I am going to be on prep!
I would probably continue using PrEP in a relationship because I have heard countless friends tell me they became HIV+ in a relationship because their significant other was sneaking around on them. I say, it’s better safe than sorry in this case. It’s very hard to put trust in someone when you know you can protect yourself.
I disagree with PrEP users being whores and sleeping around. Ive been taking PrEP for over a year and haven’t had many sexual partners. I take it because I feel safer if the occasion would come up and/or other safe-sex options fail.
I would still take precautions I don’t trust anyone I don’t care how monogamous that goes both ways. I think it’s a awesome thing that is offered for extra protection of course it isn’t a miracle and dosent protect from other serious STI’s and STD’S.Be safe guys
I agree with Hunter0500 if it’s a hiv+ hiv- couple prep makes sense as far as medical workers etc if it is in a high risk field for potential exposure then I feel a discussion of why it is being brought up is important as far as just because the answer is no give me a good valid reason as to why not a for my safety at that point it becomes a question of trust did I do something to make them feel like they’re is a risk are they doing something I should see as a risk? What is the purpose if we are monogamous
Let’s just be honest…men are pigs. You can’t trust any of them. Period.
YES YES YES !! you are being VERY HONEST my friend
Not every gay man wants to play with other gay men. There are those of us out there who want true monogamous relationships…..so if my partner brought that up to me for any other reason that wasn’t valid, I would assume that meant he wanted to cheat on me. I’ve also known people who have been on it who had extreme bad reactions, side effects, it’s not safe and it’s not going to protect you from other diseases.
If one is pos, yes, use prep. No reason for you to become pos as well. I wouldn’t stop using it in monogamous relationship until you know for sure you are both neg and faithful. I take truvada and still expect a condom to be used.
an what about all the other fun stds prep only helps prevent hiv nothing else lol
ok let’s get real here. I remember the 90’s. I started college in Minneapolis in 1991. People were barebacking then, are barebacking now, were barebacking in the 60’s, 70’s and the 80’s. People will always bareback! STDs will never go away. So.. you are always at choice… you and you alone. condoms prep.. both.. no one. i repeat. no one is forcing a condom on your dick or a pill down your throat.
You’re always at choice
What troubles me most about the initial question is the inclusion of the word “monogamous.” Perhaps the better way to put the question would be something like “is it OK to use PrEP in a relationship that is suppose to be monogamous?” Fact: no matter how much one trusts his partner (or wants to trust him), no matter how much you feel he is dedicated to you and you alone, one can never know exactly what he is doing. In that awareness, one should realize that, monogamy or otherwise, you have your health to look after. In that case, I wouldn’t risk my health for anyone, on any certain or uncertain terms.
I’ve read a couple of very good, though opposing, views on one’s advertising his use of PrEP. Regardless of one’s reasons for using the medication, I do not think it’s any business of anyone….UNLESS…..I want to use the use of said medication as a seemingly more dignified way to alert profile viewers that I am very sexually active (for lack of a better term). If I take PrEP, you’ll not find any mention of it in my profile. That’s because I would be taking it to protect myself, not as a means to some other end. I read where someone thought it indicates more concretely one’s HIV status since, to be on the medication, you must be tested every three months. I suppose there’s validity to that, but bear in mind that I could just slip in “on PrEP” in my profile and it be totally untrue. Furthermore, I will confess that when I read “on PrEP” in one’s profile, I read it initially as a red flag. I’m not saying that is the right response, but it’s what happens in my thinking. It’s my opinion that one can inform a partner of that WHEN and IF your interactions get to that point. It’s just not something that every passer by needs to know.