Speak Out: How Old Is Old in Gay Years?
When you’re a gay man who reaches a certain age, you start to feel a shift in the way other gay guys treat you. You either become invisible to them, or you’re suddenly a fetish, prized as a “daddy” who can take care of a younger guy.
The question is, at what age does this happen for gay guys?
At least one study says that 31 is too old for clubbing. Being seen at a club at 37 is considered “tragic”. But there’s less of a consensus among Adam4Adam readers, whether it’s about age-appropriate clubbing or what “old”really is for gay guys.
On our post about gay clubbing, for instance, reader Cuminme says “25 is tooooo old”. User Binfloyd, on the other hand, believes otherwise.
He writes: “ No age limit. I think if someone in their later years would like to go and it is a social event for them why not? If he gets lucky then more power to him. The older deserve the same opportunity to go clubbing.”
Meanwhile, on our post “Life As An Older Gay Male”, user Latinlust69 expresses his frustration at being 40. He writes: “Frankly I both like and dislike being over 40. The younger hot guys generally don’t want a guy ‘my age’. And neither do many of the hot guys close to my age.”
User Old Fart echoes this, saying “Being past 50 and bsically put out to pasture, I am very frustrated. I live in a smaller rural college town (around 25000 people) and I love to have sex but it very seldom happens. There seems to be a lot going on, but only if you are in the 18-25year old group.
Of course, none of this is to say that older gay guys have no right to enjoy clubbing, a sex life, or whatever it is they want. If you look at Adam4Adam’s users, age isn’t something we discriminate against. What we want to know is at what age do do you notice that other gay guys start treating you differently? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below!
Congratulations on promoting age discrimination, another great prejudice the gay community is known for. As a man in his late 40’s i will not be told i am too old to go to a club if thats what i chose to do. I really wish this blog would stop aiming at our lowest common de nominator and write about something that matters
Every age has it’s dilemma,younger generation have the look but many lack of confidence and resources, older generation have security but not the look.and mature one has no attitude not picky. Good luck finding your happiness
So… you are saying young people are awkward and weak; older people are well-off but unattractive; and anyone who is mature in mind and/or body are desperate. Thank you for reinforcing the negative stereotypes within the gay community that the same gay community rages against when non-gays stereotype them. The hypocrisy is delicious.
actually it is refreshing for a change that people actually confront and state the truth of how thoroughly discriminatory the gay community acts in all manners.
Better than the constant denial that it goes on as a normal matter of business. god forbid someone is discriminatory because of personal tastes and it hurts some poor assholes feelings. this is how political correctness dies, by merely shining a light on it and exposing the cancer for what it is. reality is what it is, deal with or get the fuck off the planet.
I’m 60 and agree that most guys see me as too old for sex. I do have some regulars in their 30’s though who like sex with older guys. It takes time to seek them out. Here’s the answer for older gents who crave sex with hot young guys like I do; escorts. I make no apologies for hiring escorts from time to time. I’ve been with some incredibly hot young studs and porn stars for a nominal fee and it’s well worth it. For those on the older set, give it a try. Most young escorts are friendly, respectful and will give you the best sex of your life.
anyone who doesn’t accept me for who I am doesn’t need to be in my life. in addition, if you’re going for ‘hot’ guys and not looking for substance you’ll never be happy.
I have found that since I DARED to live past 25 I am TOO Old . “men ” my age , at least from what I see , cant get aroused by anything older than their grandson and I have no interest in children.
In the famous words of that great theologian singer Aaliyah… “Age ain’t nuthin but a number” I turn 49 next week and I get “hit on” by all ages from 21-60. I recently started dating a 30 yr old.
Yes, we all will encounter other ppl judging us in regards of our age.
For myself, I do not care nor do I worry about what other’s think is too old. It’s a fram of reference in the individuals mind set. Also, if age is a issue with younger guys, it’s there loss.
Remember, there are plenty of younger guys who are into older/mature men… hince the guy I’m dating .
Have fun and live life to the fullest and continue to respect each other regardless of age, .
I hope that by the time i am actually “old”, i will have better things to spend my time on than clubbing and sex. Oh wait, i already do and im only 28! Surely nobody’s life is really this sad empty. Join a club, be a mentor! There’s more to being gay
I don’t know about the not clubbing after 30 because you are too old. I was clubbing and doing pretty well meeting guys until I was forty two. I was considered old but hot and never had to be the one to approach a guy; they seemed to line up for me. I stopped clubbing when I met my partner who was 16 years younger than I (and he had come chasing after me). I had a lot of 20-30 year old ass to eat up until then.
After I got single, six years later, I lost interest in the whole scene. I love to dance so I wound up getting into the Rave scene, pereferring the ones outdoors in the woods, which have no age limit for having fun. I did the Rave scene until I was 65 and had a great time. There were plenty of people well over 40 that came to those events. Gay dance life doesn’t have to end at 40.
I would love to find a gay rage scene around here! SOunds like fun, seriously.
i hate this age thing age is only a number whether you are 20 or 120 it is only a number. Now is saying that because I am 69 I get all kinds of nasty remarks and younger guys can be so cruel like they do not care if you have feelings are not. They feel they are young and some even very muscular because they work out but I am telling you no matter how young or muscular you are now things go south at an older age. Yes you should take care of yourself I myself do not smoke only smoked at teen age did not last long. Drugs never ever did them not even pot not even sure how to do it. I do not feel there should ever be a age limit if you want to go out to a bar. If you feel good you dress good I say go for it and F anyone else. But, remember guys your going to be the guy you are name calling or making fun of when you get his age and things go south. My mom always said for you young guys whom think you are so hot and have the hottest bodies that when guys stop sending smiles and trying to say hello that is when you should start to worry. I am 69 do I look it no do I feel it no way at our age remember what you use to do all night now takes you long to do but omg feels so much more amazing and with a meaning.
I believe that age is not the issue,it is the gay life,it’s F’up now.Age is a thing of beauty,I am 47 an loving it,i am not in to the homo life it leaves me feeling empty.I love butt fucking mature man of all races,ages,shapes and sizes.
For me it was around 37, but at 43 I found the most terrific guy and for the last 17 years we have been totally in love !
I have been ” lucky” all my life to look much younger than I really am. It’s been a blessing and a curse at the same time. All that being said, I find myself on a funny side of the argument as to ” how old is to old?” I think you have to ask the question, why do you go clubbing? If you see ” clubs” as meat racks, then you want some young meat hanging around, not some old hags. If you are out on the town for the night and you want to watch the “fun crowd” doing it to the music, let it rip for you and your friends. If a young guy can find an older guy who will give him a hand up, why not. If an older guy gets a chance to help a young guy and both are happy, why not? However, in the world we live in, it is very dangerous for both parties to be just ” hooking up.”
I think gay guys use the same formula to compute gay years as they do to compute erect cock size. 40 = 60, 4″ = 6″, 6″ = 8″, 60 = 80 and so on.
Of course a picky fag is the FIRST one to cry like purity raped when they think THEY are being discriminated against. IMHO.
Omg. I was actually quoted here?!
Funny thing is, I know several guys in their 70s picking up hot young studs at the clubs and having a great time naked.
Sure, let’s make another stereotype for the gay community. This is one of the most ridiculous blogs I’ve seen. What is old in “gay years”?! WTF?! Are we a group to be treated like animals? The only guys that set a limit to one being to old at the club is petty. I can understand if you’re at the club every single night dancing with your shirt off, but you’re never too old to just go and have a cold one. I’m 32 and get hit on but 18 year old guys all the time. I ALWAYS turn them away. I’d much rather be with a mature guy, loser to my age or a bit older.
You guys are ridiculous.
I hope you know this is a question with no answer! Being over 50, I may be too old to ‘go clubbing’ in the way that a 22 year old does, but if you’ve worked hard and can afford it, just have a limo bring you to the VIP entrance and enjoy the goings-on in style!
Sexually, there is always ‘something for everyone’ if you live in a large city. If you’re nice to people, have some charm and personality, you should do just fine. Yes, there are huge numbers of super-cute youngsters that would never be caught dead with a ‘tragic’ older guy, but there are also plenty who enjoy the company of someone with experience, patience and skill who can out-sex guys half his age. I try to give ’em an experience they’ll never forget!
30 is not to old for a guy to go clubbing, I was a gogo boy at many of New York and Miami’s nightclubs at the age of 30 and in Madonnas Sex Book at 31.
I continued to go to bars and clubs until they just weren’t fun anymore somewhere around the age of 45. Currently I’m part owner of a Club in Atlanta and I probably go there once every other month.
In December 2016 I climbed Mt Kilimanjaro and just returned from kite surfing in Mozambique & cage diving with Great White Sharks in Cape Town this past Friday 10 Nov.
I’m not old, I’m definitely not a daddy or fetish and at 54 I still get hit on on a fairly frequent basis. Most of my friends are in their early 30’s, this because most people my age either have no ambition, desire or in some cases physical ability to do the things I like to do.
I’m in a relationship with a degreed physician that is 30 and the only reason it works is due to his being very mature and my failing to ever grow up and act my age.
Old no, at least not me. I’m here to kick lives ass and do, see, explore everything life has to offer.
Anyone want to go to Belize in Feb? We are going to Skydive the Blue Hole and dive with Hammer Head Sharks!!!
Old…. LOL
Didn’t know we were liken to dogs.
Yes, ‘ageism’ is alive and well in this community.
There is so much we could teach each other, become friends, mentor, build back that sense of community that was wiped out in the 80s. Unfortunately, technology has led us to the fast food mentality of sex, served up hot and fresh from your phone or computer. Hide-the-Sausage politics have left us with no unifying ideals and LGBTQ is too broad a term to encompass one vision (and I hear so much disdain for the other letters). Age is such an insignificant issue, and yet we have manipulated even that as a good/bad thing.
Generally speaking, I think it happens as you get into your later 40s. Though in practice, it really depends on how well you keep yourself. Working out becomes harder as you get older; and you’ll have to give up a lot of foods that you ate w/o a second thought when you were younger. But as long as you’re fit & muscular, other guys will keep coming on to you. Maybe not in the same numbers as when you were in your 20s & 30s, but trust: if you have the discipline to remain fit & muscular, you won’t be hard-up.
Grow up Peter Pan..under 50.
I started noticing at around 45, still fit and pretty good shape but I feel like I was being put out to pasture starting about 45 and now being 57 and living in a small town area makes it even worse
im 70y/o. i only go to the bars.
At 52, I’ve been too old for clubbing for a long while. Staying out late ruins the next day, when I can be more productive. Some guys can still handle it, but those that are of a certain age should be clubbing at age appropriate bars. It’s sad and a bit creepy to see a much older man stalking twinks. Some of that is vanity. We don’t want to see ourselves as old. We want to be young, act young, attract young. How many guys fudge their age younger on their online profiles? Some younger men like daddies, and that’s great. But it’s crazy when I see guys my age and older only wanting guys 18 – 40, when they would have more in common with someone closer to their own age.
For me It started in my late 40’s
After turning 54. I get no offers for a quick sex hookup. Just messages beginning with “Hey Daddy” or “Hey Sir”, which tells me they just want to be adopted. I enjoy music and dancing, but have no desire to go to a club.
Oh ok here goes…. it really depend on what state you live…. but the cut off edge for becoming a old head 35-40….you move into the daddy zone or the OG category 40 plus. As far as when too stop clubbing….. when it stop being fun too you
It’s not about age. It’s about fitness and looks. 57 here. In shape. Banging 25 -30 regularly. Genes, luck of the draw being hung and personality seem to be key. Hung helps a lot.
I seem
If you’re over 27, you’re old. All of us should keep the community young, fresh, and vibrant by shunning those over 27.
Unless your rich (fake by using credit card or. legitimately) or with a body that makes Superman look obese, then please stay off all apps and out of public view!
Gay men of the Millennial generation are the most disgusting of all…even worse than their GenY protégés. Agism is rampant, as is sexually-based discrimination that surely existed pre-pandemic, but was moderated by a sense of community and shared purpose. That’s gone along with the legions who died from 1979 to the 2000s. As for going to a club, I was in that biz for years in the big club era…I’ll go to any damned club I chose to check out the business…and those tweeked out little Millenial snotnoses can kiss my ass. Go listen to your Taylor the Swifty crap while booty bumping yourselves while you freeload on everything my generation built for you. Freedom isn’t free; we fought for it and got it. You’ll just piss it all away, as exemplified by the 40% of the GenY and Millennial gays who voted for Fat Frump and his church nutting gay basher, Sixpence. How’s THAT working out for ya, morons?
I seem to have the opposite ‘problem’. I’m 65 and for some reason seem to be very desirable albeit to a very select and limited younger crowd. But somethings better than nothing right? When I go out it’s split about 50/50. It ranges from no interest in me whatsoever to eye contact and convo and more. I see no pattern based on day of week or bar type. But I’m very grateful regardless.
Three of us had this conversation Saturday night. We range 58-68 in age, and was supposed to have a 21 year old join us but he went silent as of Friday night and wouldn’t respond. The guys over 60 thought that was the age where you really get ignored on adam, so they have an online age of younger. I can understand a 20year old not going for someone 60, but guys who are older then 40 and only interested, in that 19-29 age group are frustrating and i find errogant. What do they think are so special about them that they expect this? The 61 year old in our group loves a good twink, but doesn’t limit his playmates by age. My first guy was in his 40s, and i was 19. I am glad he was older and experienced, and was understanding during that time.
I have never limited my partners by age, hell we all like a young one once in awhile, but an older more experienced partner is more fun. Our group Saturday night spent almost two hours in conversation before the over 3 hour sex session, followed by Cards Against Humanity. We have a connection beyond sex which makes the sex even better.
Anyone who limits their partners strictly by age is missing opportunities to meeting some great guys. And those who only want younger, don’t complain when you are “too old”, for them, you have been doing it to others for years.
If a guy no.matter his age feels comfortable at bar, bath or any other function, then don’t condemn him, but congratulate him for being himself. If he doesn’t interest you move on our if there is something that catches your eye strike uo conversion,you will never know whereit could lead.
I’m 59 years old I turned gay at 47 I bet I haven’t had sex 150 times since then I’ve got a great body I’m some what hairy about 10 pounds over weight not the handsomest I’ll door I don’t know how to be gay I’m just me I have been trying to get the hang of things by thought process nobody has helped .I don’t get all the “tribes” if your going to have sex then have sex (leather I can understand) 80 percent of the guys I communicate with want me to be there dream guy or partner (all the dating sites) this is not a perfect world get over it have fucking sex.
There no limit for clubbing and dancing.there is no gay age for me i see men over 60 looking good and sexy.
Lol, in the Gay world 30 is the new 50, and by 50 the date you’re waiting on to show up at the door is the Reaper.
This blog entry makes clubbing sound too much like college: Something for that 18 to 25 ish crowd. If you stay in college much beyond 25, it’s like…look at the old timer. Unless you’re the professor! Can’t say it matters much either way to me: If you like clubbing (and I do, and I’m 48!), then go for it!
I guess if you are over 35 and still trying live a “gay club life” then you should seek some counseling. Life is about moving forward and growing not repeating the same experiences, with the same kinds of people, over and over. Whats wrong with you that at 40 you feel the need to hang out with guys half your age? If you feel the need to surround yourself with guys half your age? The only reason young guys are going to have sex with you is because they are getting something in return; cash, prizes, drugs, maybe a car? Quite frankly I am tired of listening to guys 40 and above complaining about how they are invisible and no young guys will fuck them. It’s amazing what happens when you seek out mature relationships in your own peer group. After 40 I found I had more sex and more friends than I did in my 20s or 30’s. If you want a guy 15 or 20 years younger than you, you will pay for it one way or another. Grow up guys.
25 apparently.
It’s sad to think that the community “has” to put an age limit as the rest of the world does.
The community should embrace the all differences.
I don’t think it’s all that dissimilar from the hetero-world, really. I must have been forty something when I realized this bar-club thing isn’t for me as much as it was once, the center of my gay life, going out to dance party-meet. House gatherings instead, have replaced our need to socialize and hang-out…
“Old” is relative to how much money you are perceived to have.
Exactly. old is the percieved thickness of your wallet and likelyhood you will part with money or resources to the person “attracted” to them. Thats for any adult male when getting the attention of men or women these days. looks and fitness mean jack shit anymore.
It’s also relative to where you are. In Colorado Springs, with all the dumb ass military boys, “old” is around 35.
in my local area, there are a few guys in their late 40s and 50s that seem to like guys who are Under 18 or no older than 24. Being 43 It’s hard to find guys over 40 who would be interested in someone even a few years younger or a few yrs older. they all seem to want guys much much younger than themselves. Yet they complain and bitch and gripe because the little boys don’t want them. Ageism is quite rampant here. Sometimes you will get a 20 something yr old who wants a ” sugar daddy” someone older only for money not because of genuine affection or interests.
Soon as I hit 40 I definitely felt like I was cast out. Even so, I still go to bars and clubs for Happy Hour without feeling too old, as long as I leave before 9pm or so when the crowd changes…
The gay community is a deplorable mess of immaturity, shallowness, and pettiness. We all will get old, our looks will fade, and if what’s left is something the weekly trash pickup wouldn’t touch, the the issue isn’t other people not measuring up.
I’m over 60. I get hit up by guys of all ages. I’m having the best sex of my entire life with a group of guys I’ve gotten to know over the years, with new additions of all ages from time to time.
If a guy has a problem with my age, that’s just it … it’s HIS problem, not mine.
Don’t get me wrong. I get rejected sometimes when I hit guys up and the reasons are all over the board: location, looks, height, weight, ethnicity, etc. Rejection would only be a problem for me if I chose to make it one. I don’t.
The one cool thing about being “old” is learning not to give a shit what people think. I don’t need permission from you or the twink brigade to go and do what I want to, as long as I am comfortable in my own (wrinkled}skin. it sounds to me like many in the gay community have internalized the homophobia most of us grew up with. The survey is a sad example of internalized homophobia because it reinforces the concept of “too old.” I am too old to buy into ageism, and shame on you for promoting it. I wonder how many gay men will no longer go out dancing, clubbing, whatever, because they read this article. Drive us back into the closet when we turn 40?
Seriously…please re-read this blog and comments below. Because it’s amazing to me how STUPID all this sounds! “How old is too old to go clubbing?” Really? With all that is going on in this world, is that even an issue worth anyone’s finite life-minutes to consider discussing? This is important in the gay community, why? Let’s follow this with a panel discussion on the pros and cons of an Appletini. And the responses…please! So many comments about “looking younger” or having still having a “banging body” if over 40y.o. Who are you trying to convince that you still have self-worth? No one should have to apologize for the type of guy he is attracted to, but how you handle the people you are not attracted to is the measure of a man. THAT is at the heart of ageism amoung gays. Show some goddamn respect when you turn someone down for whatever reason! No one deserves to be insulted for just being who they are.
My first trip to the gay club was at 44 years old…my last trip to the gay club was at 44 years old!!!! I went in walked around…found a spot to observe the scene…and when they broke out with Sylvester..You make me feel and every 20 something twinks in the place jumped up and started dancing like Britney on crack and this one was screaming “Guurrl your outfit is so cute” or “Hunny…I got to go fix my mascara”. I made a beeline for the door!!! I could actually feel the estrogen in the room!!! If that’s what you want and like than more power to ya!!! My momma always said that if you stick your hand in a slop jar…you will always pull out nothing but shit!!!! So with that being said…at 45 I a man of substance and prefer to keep company with of other men of substance!!! My partner is 49 and has more sex appeal then anyone in their 20’s!!! Just remember boys…rock hard abs eventually turn to soft saggy flab…just the nature of the beast!!!