Speak Out: Feminine Men, a Turn-off?
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Do you find feminine men a turnoff?
Attitude magazine’s recent study discovered that, yes, 71% of their respondents have found themselves “actively turned off by a prospective partner” due to their effeminate behavior. The study, which aimed to “explore the relationship between gay men and masculinity,” further revealed that only 29% of the respondents view effeminate characteristics in men as something positive.
The sample of the study is over 5,000 bisexual, queer, and gay men.
In addition, the readers were asked if they have ever “thought that effeminate gay men give the gay community a bad image or reputation.” A whopping 41% said “Yes.”
Another 41% said “Yes” when they were asked if they have “considered themselves ‘less of a man’ because of their sexuality.”
To read the results of Attitude magazine’s survey in full, click here.
In any case, how true is this study for you, guys? Have you been dumped or have you been rejected in the past by someone because you act “too fem?” On the other hand, would you dump or reject someone because they are “too fem?” If so, what does it mean to be “effeminate” and what specific characteristics or traits do you deem effeminate?
Also, what does it truly mean to be a man in the 21st century anyway? What is your own definition? What are the particular characteristics that make one a “man”? And lastly, does loving another man really make you feel less of a man? Why?
Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
They sure as hell do not “light my fire.” That being said, they are people too, and there are reg-type gay or bi- guys who love them, I’ve had a best-friend who was Feminine, no big deal. There seems to be multiple types of them: muscular, leather-men, hairy ones; the way they carry themselves and speak, yet look damn near like MMA fighters, lol. I just hate it when someone who is as far as his appearance is concerned-seems masculine, then opens his mouth or walks (swishy) tryin’ to get some tootsie-roll, lol, its false advertising isn’t it? All, is not as masculine as it seems or appears. On the flip side, I don’t care for these so-called “alphas” either, such bullshit, that, is nothing more than pure ego, wanting to be bigger than they really are, mass-insecurity and maybe something more serious.
Sounds like you’re a big ole queen yourself, lol..And no, true masculine guys is not based off egos..Either you are or not..Facts my friend
You wish, lol; couldn’t ‘even’ be further from the truth. I don’t consider myself “ultra” masculine, nor am I a queen, like politics: happily in the middle, I use both sides of my brain, actually, as they serve me quite well, thanks.
Being a CD makes this a tough question for me. I personally do not care for the atypical stereotype gay guy that is portrayed in media. With the high lispy voice and weak demeanor. I do feel it portrays the gay community in an inferior role.
Being a cd…when I dress I do act and expect to be treated feminine. But I do not portray the gay guy in women’s clothing persona that would be expected from the straight community. If I am with a partner and not dressed feminine…i do not take on that role of being feminine.
As far as my partners…i prefer them to be the more masculine of us…whichever way I’m dressed.
I see where you are coming from and agree with you.
What a crock. If anything, loving another man makes me more of a man. As for men..i like mine to be masculine. If i wanted feminine i would find a woman. Just my personal preference
I totally agree with Ken
I second that
I disagree with this entirely. It falls under femme-shaming. As someone who is by normal gay-logic considered femme, it’s already hard enough for me to find love because this dicotomy between masc and femme is so engrained in your minds you follow it blindly. You’re conditioned to believing we femme men are only a step above women and that’s not right at all!
I only like fem men myself. Extremely thin or nice and curvy, long natural head be of hair, and smooth everywhere else. I just don’t like another hairy masculine guy. Especially not into muscles.
Same here, give me a fem or transgender, but the manly looking ones.
I meant NOT THE MANLY LOOKING ONES… MY BAD
I only like fem men myself. Extremely thin or nice and curvy, long natural head be of hair, and smooth everywhere else. I just don’t like another hairy masculine guy. Especially not into muscles
For me, effeminate men are not a turn off unless they let their feminine sidedefine who they are. I admit I am a gay male who loves men. Not all effeminate men strive to be women. Hell, I could sleep with someone who is a drag queen when they are not in drag.
Wow. Good subject!!!. I didn’t get it before but I get it now. Being a middle aged african American man, I learned over the years never to discriminate against anybody. Queenie guys can’t help it the way they are. Some are great people like everyone else and some are azzholes like every one else. As far as MY sexual preference they are def not my type as not heavy guys. I am a masculine guy with 4 grown kids. I been married and now separated. I had a very feminine wife. I wanted a man.!!!!!!! So I date men all natural 100% men regardless of race.. They love sports not interior design or hair dressing so that we have something in common to share. They don’t wear anything similar to what a woman wear. No bright colors and no heavy perfume. They don’t shave their body hair but if they trim neatly, that’s fine. They don’t wear skin tight jeans and short shorts, just regular clothes that coincide with their age. They never snap or clap- clap and I find that sis in their voice replusive. They don’t hang around with women giggling and acting like one of the girls. I don’t like gossipy men. So in closing I love all people and respect differences. I perfer real men that act like me and simply that’s my preference. God Bless us all…
What EXACTLY is it that makes YOU a real man? The failed marriage to a woman, or the fact that you have sex with males?
(Sounds kinda silly, right?)
OK, so I’ll jump right in here! Obviously, each person has their own views on what is attractive or isn’t and for some people “fem” is a big issue. I personally have found other guys physically attractive, until I heard them speak and a “purse fell out.” To me, nothing is more unappealing than guys who act flamboyant, very animated with all their actions including the limp wrist and calling other friends or gay gays “girl,” “girlfriend,” “miss thing,” or any of the other terms I’ve heard. What is it in a lot of gay men that they seem to want to be a black woman? I’ve heard so many guys basically act like a black girl trapped in a gay, white mans body. Another issue is the bottom vs. top thing. Why is it always thought by tons in the gay community that tops are “butch” or the real men or masculine and anyone who bottoms is “nelly” or a sissy or prob is fem? I’ve known guys who acted more like a woman than a real one does and yet they are the first to try and top someone. How many of us saw a rugged, masculine man who ended up being a bottom or even talked in a wispy, high-pitched voice? Do I feel that feminine or overly animated guys make the gay community look bad? In ways sure, because society won’t remember anything but those types or the leather daddies or the drag queens because isn’t that what’s always shown on tv or in the parades-the most over the top people? People wanna lump or associate everything together esp. when it’s seen as a bad thing. I have had friends over the years who were very feminine and that was fine for them, but honestly I always felt self conscious being out in public with them because I didn’t wanna all the extra attention or dirty looks. One time while dating a gay, his family inquired about me ahead of a holiday get together. At the time, their only reference was a television program and they asked him which one I acted like, Will or Jack? We can’t always judge society over their views about us when we also have them in our own community.
If people who like to date only within their own race are accused of being racist by others who can’t recognize the difference between preferences and real racism then what on earth are they going to accuse others of who don’t like to go with effeminate guys ? ?
Yes. It takes a lot to use an unnatural voice and demeanor and it’s just so unattractive. Just be who you are.
I am very turned off sexually and socially by effeminate men and Yes they do give the gay world the ongoing idea all gay men dress up and want to be women which is totally untrue.
While I do consider myself to be masculine, it should be noted those of us that were considered to be fem were the ones to start the Gay Movement. They could not “pass” as straight so were targeted, bashed, harassed, and arrested more often… until they had and said “ENOUGH” and started resisting and fighting back.
Those so-called “sissies” are owed a major debt because without their courage and strength who knows how long it would have taken for us to be able to proclaim Out and Proud, attain Marriage Equality, achieve Workplace Parity?
They should be applauded and lauded, not shamed nor defamed.
Let’s not forget that at the same time that were men who were fem but who did not parade it. They were businessmen or co-workers or brothers or neighbors who never dated women. They who respected nice guys. Everyone knew they were gay but it wasn’t made an issue. They we’re respected for who they were and contributed then just as much to social acceptance of gays as the Loud and Proud.
The question is just a trap altogether. Regardless of how men carry themselves or how other men view them, it shd not affect anyone else. If u like fans or Don t, no one shd care to know ur opinion. Fem shd not have to change m men who Don t like fem men also shd not have to change.
ALL GAY MEN HAVE FEM TRAITs!!!!! We reveal them differently to different ppl at different times. The real issue is thinking our opinions on the subject tuly matter n need a to be stated to anyone. Be whoever u want to be.
Lol, i totally agree with you but even more to the point…you said all gay men have fem traits. How about ALL MEN have fem traits.
Now, lets wait for the arguments from guys who would like to claim THEY are 100% masculine.
(Which is impossible since they suck dick)
Sucking a dick has more to do with your sexuality than ANYTHING to do with your masculinity….
What you says doesn’t make any sense haha
More than anything, guys meet me and think I’m a pretty awesome feminine guy. For some reason, I get a lot of, “You’re the first feminine guy I’ve ever thought about dating”.
As for guys who have something against feminine men; It’s okay. Whatever floats your boat. Personally, I’m an appreciator of masculine (also inbetween) and feminine energies. I appreciate the balance. If I see two masculine guys together, my thoughts are more than likely similar to masculine guys when they see me. It’s fine guys aren’t attracted to men like myself. I don’t notice a lack of attention.
This is one of those situations where you learn to love and appreciate yourself, as opposed to giving attention to the desires of another individual (or group). Be so caught up in yourself, and what you have going on, that their liking, or disliking, never cross your mind.
No. Unless they wearing make up or acting girly. Otherwise, they the best raw bottoms. They love taking your cum. Fuck all fems thats not flamming. They make your dick feel oh so good. Fill those cunts up
To each their own but not for me.
I don’t particularly care for effeminate guys but i don’t “dump” on them either. Everyone’s tastes are different
For me, it depends.
If I’m with a guy younger than me, I don’t mind at all if he’s feminine. I actually like it.
But with a guy my own age, I’ve actually dumped a guy before because of his gestures because they were too feminine.
I’m a married bi guy and vers in the bedroom. I don’t mind being submissive with a guy, but I’m not going to be feminine when I am.
Also a married bi guy and must say understand and support the gem guys, they are just not for me. They do not send up a flare in my loins period. They do for some men and that is great.
When I find a man I like him to be masculine and I will be as masculine as I am most of the time, well other than having his cock as far inside me as he can put it.
it depends
Honestly, IDGAF. Gender identity has (finally) been so skewed lately, it’s not my place to say I either agree or disagree with anyone’s path. So, just.. Meh.. Everybody’s got a somebody.
If I want fem I fuck pussy. If I want oral service I look for masculine guys.
You really sound dumb but ok
I’m gay because I like MEN. I’m a bottom and want a real man cumming in my hole, not some effeminate boy
Not attracted to fem guys, e.g., men who dress following fashion cues reserved for women, or men who seem unable to “turn off” their effeminate behavior.
I can befriend guys who fall into my latter definition.
In bed, hot, hot, hot, especially if is a macho that turns out that way in privacy.
One of the main reasons our society can’t transcend homophobia is because the gay community itself keeps it alive and well.
Our community has been conditioned to self-hate since day one. The idea that a “fem” guy is “less than” is not an opinion, its an instilled belief.
This entire planet is built on a foundation of mysogeny, aka the idea that women are second class, and that has spilled over into our realm big time. “Fem men” have been branded as a threat by society because they transcend the gender prisons that we’ve all been locked in.
I understand that plenty of us have endured years of trauma and abuse related to our sexuality, hearing male authority figures talk about “fags” and “sissys”. But now WE have picked up the torch and perpetuate that demonization ourselves.
Our community has a lot of healing to do. We can’t be divided amongst ourselves and expect to maintain our rights, bc our enemies on the outside view us ALL through the same lens: a fag is a fag.
You dont have to want to fuck em, youve just gotta recognize that these are your brothers-in-arms.
If you’re gay, and completely disgusted by “gay culture” and “gay behavior”, then thats an issue with your SELF. And I’m not talking about not liking musical theater or will and grace.
I recognize that the media has done a great deal of damage with their stereotypical/cartoonist portrayals of gay men, but that’s not what were discussing.
Examine places like NYC or San Fran. These cities have massive, thriving LGBTQI+ communities, and typically you find that the lines between masc and fem are quite blurry. Not perfect, but healthy.
Preferences and all that are fine, but we need to stop demonizing our own sexuality.
And, for the history buffs, know that if it werent for the “fems”, there would be no stone wall, and most of y’all would probably be sayin mass on Sundays.
Thanks for your comment. I do agree with you. Personally I thought I wasn’t attracted to effimenate guys UNTIL I recognized that they have every right to behave the way they want. THEN, miraculously, I had no objection to get in bed with them and enjoy having sex with a person, and not a behavior.
Wow! All the negative comments about fem men, written by men who like men. It’s so easy to pass judgement. Thank God we are all created individually, everyone brings their unique talents to the world. To answer the question, I like all men. I am the only person who can make me look bad.
Preference is a word
Sexually they are a major turn-off. However, I do like to watch and laugh at them (to myself of course).
I know a lot of other guys don’t really like fem guys but I like fem guys as a matter of fact I prefer them over masculine guys although I’m not opposed to masculine guys I guess its just a preference for me.
I will only date fems and prefer those with very soft features and a soft voice. I’ve never dated a masculine and never will.
Personally, I dont care to have any kind of Sexual experience with a feminine, Trans, crossdresser etc. I once went home with a cute young latino but once we started messing around he started moaning like a lil girl immediately made me lose my erection so I left right away. I just dont get it messing around w/ feminine, trans, crossdresser etc if I wanted a woman I would still be married to one. I LIKE MEN FOR THE FACT THAT THEY ARE MEN NOT WOMEN!
All I have to say to you is THANK YOU! It can’t be any more clear than what you said. If I wanted a woman, why go for a fake male trying to act like one. Get One…..A Real One! A Real Bitch
I think masculine gay men are threatened by men who are considered “fem” because they are afraid that’s how straight people perceive them. Lets face it, we are all concerned about how people “see” us.
And there’s the answer.
I could honestly care less I’ve dated blouses and even a trans man. As long as you are yourself that’s really all I care about.
Typical stereotyping by the Millennial nitwits. You just might miss out big time…quite a few somewhat queenly guys turned out to be FEROCIOUS tops for me, some with 8s or more. One of the best fucks I ever got was from a 5’2″ Mexican drag queen with a real 9 inch dick and big hormone tits who could reliably serve up four loads a night and fuck me to the point of exhaustion. But that’s OK, Millennial Morons…continue trying to defend your “fake butchness” to me…beeyotches.
For me I find that a lot of guys will say I don’t like feminine, but behind close doors most prefer to fuck feminine guys. Because as a feminine guy I be having lot of guys in my inbox and when I read their profiles it say no fem but yet they be at me. Also I feel like feminine guys are looked down by more Masculine guys but yet we all cut from the same Cloth, cuz gay is gay no matter if you masculine or feminine. In today’s LIGHT community i find a lot of gay guys to full of bs and joke within their own lives.
I get the same shit. I’m pissed about this.
Right on all counts! Post-pandemic gay guys generally SUCK.
to each is there own fem people are a turn off to me but I believe that is no reason to cut fem people down we can not change who we are and no one should be disrespected for who they are besides I know a lot of people out there that prefer a fem over masculine I am only attracted to masculine but I would never cut anyone down for how they act or for them being there selves nor should anyone else
I think the whole topic is irrelevant & it creates a divide in a community where we need each other’s support.
It’s kinda like the lightskin/darkskin thing in the black community…
Me personally I don’t like hyper masc men. It gives me the vibe that you resent being gay & that’s not my problem.
On the other hand I can respect a feminine man if that’s if that’s his true character, because that takes courage.
I’ve been working on just being myself these days & not worrying about pleasing anyone. The gay world is vapid, do better y’all :/
I agree 🙂
This seems so outdated. Not all masc guys are hot or good in bed. Same for fem guys. I’m masc and a lot of guys are surpised at how ok I am with a more fem guy. I get “oh i didn’t think you like that type of guy.” It doesn’t matter because no one is perfect. Let me get back to the essence of this post though. What I see in a fem guy that’s attractive is his boldness, confidence, they have a bit more intensity in bed. That goes for whether they are on top or bottom. No one has made my toes curl as tight with such ease as a fem top putting it down and stroking me while he’s going deeper. How about how a fem bottom knows all their best angles or spots then sensing you get near the finish and pushing back harder with precision. I’m sorry, I can’t discriminate.
Yes I do believe the effeminate male gives gay men a bad look. It is a LEARNED trait to act that way and it is done to be more like in most cases “the bitchy” female that appears to be tough but yet still a female. It’s not a good look for a male. To take on the soprano like voice which was not apart of your being before your decision to come out and be gay is also a trait that makes you look weak. You had the luxury of being born male and no matter how you look at it, in our society the male is dominate & superior. When a male takes on effeminate traits, i.e. mannerisms, voice, etc. I believe it causes confusion in the mind of those viewing what they believe to be a male. They question why someone would give up their superiority and dominance to portray one that is inferior. Are you saying you are inferior and that’s why you want to act that way? I will get some backlash for this but I believe if you think about what I said……just think and do not bitch me out.
All behavior is learned and what comes easily to some may be difficult to you. We understand, STOP THE HATE. Its extremely bitchy……or some may say FEM.
Your slip is hanging.
To each their own but yes, fem guys are a turn off. But that is a personal preference. I think if gay men weren’t fem then the gay community wouldn’t be so badly looked upon. However, at the same time I think anyone should have the right to be who they feel they are and live in their truth!
I don’t find femininity sexually appealing on a female OR a male. So, to see a guy “queening” out and wondering why everyone doesn’t find it sexy is puzzling. If I wanted fem I would get a female — but that’s not what I want. For example, when I want a steak, I’d be angry if I bit into it and it tasted like fish. If I wanted fish I would order fish, but when I want steak that’s what I should get. It’s also funny how most fem guys NEVER want someone fem but want everyone else to want them. Besides, when did fem and gay become the same thing??? They are not one in the same. Not all gay men are fem, just like not all fem men are gay. However, it seems like gay men are pushed to embrace being fem or else they’re not being authentic or true to themselves. Some of us are just happy being a masculine man who’s attracted to other masculine men!
How about we stop judging each other like the straight ppl continue to do a be proud that we no longer have to hide who we are. I get confused for a women even when I’m wearing a tank top an shorts (I don’t shave my legs) its just how I look. Lets focused on staying United. Ppl like those who commented on this negative are the reason I stopped hanging out in the gay community.
Skimming the comments there’s less froth, venom and homophobia than I expected
I want an effeminate gay man..but they don’t want me. So no pity here.
Apparently whoever runs adam4adam has a big issue with Fem, or CD, or TG. Since they repeatedly refuse to allow posting profile pictures of anyone in drag or lingerie. Maybe they should ask themselves what their issues are.
LMAO!!!!
As distasteful as the results may be to militant gays who strive to keep the Pride alive, the poll shows that there are gay men who don’t fit the fem gay stereotype. They present themselves as regular guys who just happen to prefer sex with men who look and act like men, not fems. Their sexuality is secondary to who they are. They don’t throw it in other’s faces as fems are often apt to do.
I am a typical guy next door type that is very much into hunting, fishing, sports, 4 wheelers and carry myself as a normal individual with a normal voice that most wouldn’t guess I am gay. I actually lost a football bet some years ago and had to shave my head and have kept it that way but I also keep the rest of my body smooth except for my underarms and when it comes to the bedroom I am 90% bottom but if a guy I am with wants me to wear panties it’s no big deal to me as some do like men in panties and being on the submissive side I do love to please but in the end to each their own.
The ones that make the gay community look bad are the ones that try and force others to except gay life by inappropriate behavior places they shouldn’t ( flaunting being gay) when at dinner, movies, social events. Places where you don’t see so called straight people flaunting their straight if you get my meaning.
So every guy who is effeminate wants to be a woman ? Since when was being a female a bad thing? Why does it bother you so much as long as they are being themselves… The effeminate ones bring image to the gay community while the rest deep down inside wish they were str8… Men who put personal stipulations on other people make me sick , I could careless if my partner is effeminate as long as it fits his persona
Love your answer. From what I’ve noticed, I think guys who say it loud that they don’t like feminine guys hate themselves for being too feminine… that is probably why they sport a big beard and go to the gym 7 days a week to be more “manly”, yet they arch their back like little girls in bed when they get fucked.
Queenie guys CAN help the way they are because mannerisms are LEARNED.
The queenie behavior is an affectation originally adopted by gay men to signal to other men that they were gay.
For me, queenie men are erection killers.
I only have sex with butch men. For me, sex is about men who are 100% men having sex with power and dominance at play. A bitch queen simply isn’t manly and therefore not desirable to me.
I don’t want a bitch with a cock.
Cue the finger-snapping judgmental people and their intolerance of an person’s honest choice.
The point is who we decide to fuck is 100% a personal decision and if someone is turned off by queenie men, others–if they are truly tolerant–should be 100% OK with it.
This is all a CROCK OF SHYT!! you muthafuckkas actually thank yo SHYT DONT stank cause you MASCULINE. hell we all have masculine men in our families, AND THEIR LIVES DONT PROVE TO BE ANY LESS STRESSFUL WHEN IT COMES TO BYTCHES AND THEY SMELLY ASS PUSSY!
FUNNY HOW WE ARE THE BLAME FOR BEING THE NEGATIVE ASPECT OF IT ALL, BUT YET STARTED THIS SHYT, so you all could be closet hoes! THE FUNNY THING IS THIS, YOU ALL POINT THE FINGERS AT US FEMS, THEN TURN AROUND AND WANNA MARCH ON WASHINGTON FOR FUCKYN ‘EQUAL RIGHTS’ HA!!! WHAT YOU DO TO PEOPLE, COMES BACK TO YOU 10 FOLD!✔✔ Regardless of masculinity or femininity, to HETEROSEXUALS, A FAG IS A FAG, WEATHER YOU SMOOTH OR HAIRY, YOUS A FAG, WITH BIG MUSCLES, BIG ASS, AND TIGHT ASS PANTS, WHO DOES THAT!
P. S. Masculine men, have more problems than a lil bit, you just don’t find out till u in THA THICK OF IT, so
CONTINUE FUCKING EACH OTHER, SINCE YOU ALL SO MASCULINE WIT DICK IN YA ASS, LMAO!
Very intriguing topic and reading most of the responses I’m not surprised. I’ve dated very masculine men even men that thought of themselves as straight. But when you look across society you’ll see the term “feminine or effeminate” has a negative connotation even in the “straight world”. I actually heard a woman tell her daughter to put down a baby doll she wasn’t raising her to be no punk. I’m thinking WTF!!!! When everyone views masculinity as strength wise good and femininity as weak poor bad we’re establishing a very harrash destructive society. Everyone can’t be hard dominate masculine. Whether gay or straight opposites attract sometimes attracts attention. Without soft we wouldn’t have hard, without fem there wouldn’t be masculine. Remember people balance is essential to anything successful.
something about feminine men just seems artificial… besides if i want to femininity I’ll sleep with a women!
what if the woman is masculine?
If she had a penis, muscle, a beard, a tenor or bass voice, and a truck … well then we’d have to talk.
right…
I’m moderately fem and I score more str8 dick any day promised. ..love that about my feminine features no REAL man is into fuckn a muscle bear that talks like Mary poppins ew
I feel that whenever this topic is brought up, it turns into a reprimand for guys that identify as more masculine and prefer the same type of guy. What goes unaddressed so many times is that just as many – if not more – effeminate guys are turned off by effeminacy. This can totally be seen in their profiles. A lot of fem guys seem to have very unrealistic expectations/demands of the “total tops” in shining armor many of them wish to find (never been f—ed ever in life, don’t want to s—, etc.). It seems as if they’d much rather find a straight man.
I think animosity towards any type of person because of their type is an extremely unattractive quality. However, not being attracted to certain types shouldn’t be construed as hatred How many of you aren’t into chubs or guys over 65? Does that mean you have something personal against all chubs or seniors? It shouldn’t, especially if you’re someone that doesn’t feel the need to announce your preferences in a douchey way.
sorry not into fem guys
Fem guys are cool. I just dont care for crossdressers
I’m strictly refering to sexual attraction. My question is , what’s the difference between being sexually attracted to short guys rather than tall guys; black guys instead of white guys; older men in lieu of younger men. Why isn’t this placed under the same microscope as when someone says, “I’m not attracted to fem.” This doesn’t necessarily mean that a effeminate guy would be shamed or chastised. For me personaly, it limited to what I’m attracted to sexually.