Sexuality: How To Be A Better Top
We’ve written about how you can be a better bottom, so of course, tips on being a top aren’t far behind. It takes two to tango, and there are more than a couple of things tops can do to make things better for both of them.
In as much as bottoming isn’t just laying down on all fours and taking it, topping isn’t just about you plowing without any regard for your partner. Here are some tip for tops looking to improve their game or for those only know exploring the pleasure topping can bring.
Go all the way with foreplay.
Yes, it’s really tempting to just stick it in, especially when the bottom looks like he’s really gagging for it. But it’s also a big buzzkill if you end up being pushed away because you’re actually hurting him rather than giving him pleasure. Don’t be stingy with the foreplay, so there’s nothing in the way when you go all the way.
Variety is key when it comes to speed.
There’s definitely nothing wrong with getting a nice good pounding, especially if you’re partner is into it. But too much of anything can be boring, and keeping up all that pounding can be tiring, no matter how good your core is. Listen to your partner’s body when you’re having sex, so you know how to adjust accordingly.
Tell the truth when it comes to your package.
It goes without saying that it’s a definite boner killer when you’re promised an 8-incher and what you get is something three inches shorter than that. It’s not even about the size of your package at this point, it’s the fact that you lied. The same is true if you’ve got a bigger than average dick. Tell the truth because bottoms have to prepare themselves properly for something like that.
Check your penis every once in a while.
The temptation is there to just keep pounding away, especially if you’re both enjoying it. But as the top, you really do need to check on your dick every once in a while during sex, especially if you’ve got a big dick. Nerve endings end at a certain point in the anus, and you could literally be giving your partner an anal fissure and he wouldn’t be able to feel it. If you see blood on the tip of your dick, then there’s a problem.
Talk it out.
in the same way that we advised bottom to tell their top what turns them on, you have to do the same for your bottom as well. Tell him when he’s doing something that feels really good for you so he knows to do it again. Sex involves two people, so don’t hesitate to find out what the two of you are into.
Of course, these tips don’t cover the full length and breadth of what it takes to be a better top. Adam4Adam tops, we want to hear what you have to say. Share any tips that have worked out great for you in the comments section below!
There are no tops making comments on this article is that telling me that there are not any tops on adam4adam ???
Put towels under your playspace, & when your buddy says he needs a break, put the towel up against his hole as you withdraw your pole. All that tightness and pressure squeezing your tool may be more than ecstasy. Sometimes, especially w Big Boys, lotsa water-based lube, vigorous, deep dicking, and especially those intense, prolonged multiple assgams you just gave the man taking your fuck…stuff moves down, despite the best preparations by your catcher. Be prepared, don’t shame him or act disgusted. Shit happens! Be a man about it: take it as a compliment, or take it in stride. Just don’t be an ass after he’s just given you his. Don’t make him feel bad about it. Your bottom will never feel safe truly opening himself, making himself that intimately vulnerable again if you do. After all, ain’t nothing that a towel change, “freshening up”, then a shared shower, fresh condom and renewed foreplay can’t fix. (I like to keep a bowl w hot, soapy washrags and clean towels discretely next to the bed..or under it. But then again, once a Boy Scout, always a Boy Scout…Be Prepared, Men!)
I think I wanna have sex with you after reading this hahahaha
…and be honest about your stamina!
As a bottom, as much as an ego boost it may be to hear how good our ass feels, please don’t cum after 2 minutes. Stop if you need to, use position changes as a way to edge. Lean over and make out with us.
We (good bottoms anyway) spend lots of time showering, douching, and preparing for anal sex. Spening 30 minutes cleaning out to get 2 minutes penetration is as bad as being promised an 8″ cock to find that you measured from yout taint to get that 8″.
Please make it about us too!
Thank you for mentioning anal fissures. Those and other health concerns are the primary reason why I do not participate in penetrative sex in either role. (The secondary reason being that anal sex is degrading.) Here come the arguments! I’m ducking!
its only degrading if you think it is. I feel empowered knowing a guy is loving the feel of being deep in my ass.
Anal and oral sex is only degrading when (typically) the top treats the bottom like an object to ‘use and abuse.’ And what’s really scary is that people film that stuff. So can see that on Tumblr.
Yes, it’s degrading. Definitely and added bonus!
As a longtime top, I have a problem I’m wondering if anyone out there can relate to – and offer up advice: I love to make out a lot and 69 a lot. Then after we’ve done all that, we reach “that” point where it’s time to fuck as a final crescendo to a great sexual experience. My problem is, I have no problem getting and sustaining a hard-on during all the foreplay and sucking. But once we pause to open up that condom wrapper, then put the lube on it, I usually become limp. And there it is, this hot hungry ass crying out “fuck me!” but I remain mostly limp. I usually try a few things to get harder – bury my face in the bottom’s ass, maybe kiss some more, etc. Eventually, usually I get hard enough to stick it in. But then comes my 2nd big problem: Once I’m inside, I cum almost immediately. This has been a lifelong problem for me and I’m curious if anyone else is that way?
Become a bottom lol
as far as losing your bone try different cock rings, stainless steel is my fave but i do have some thick silicone ones that do the trick too, as far as busting your nut to soon try going balls deep then pulling out completely and then going back balls deep i have the opposite problem some times i take forever to bust my nut, i like missionary so i can see how my bottom guy is feeling and enjoying it so i can better judge if and when i can go ahead and let it go
I would say . You’re probably so close to climax and don’t realize it and sometimes all the buildup with making out and hettting to biz .. hehe : probably because bfs you this sorta situation. Slow it down . Enjoy yourselves and tell your partner what’s going on , maybe they can calm you- talk about what’s going on. . Sex is for pleasure and showing love and what you feel for someone . Too many guys treat sex like an act or like it’s like your taking a leak & esp like they try to out do what they’ve seen in porn or like you’re trying to “get there” –only for your next high five conversations , really enjoy one another -hopefully some of what I suggests helps . Take your time and enjoy .
Sex is amazing -esp with someone special and it should be what you both seek and want out of it
**Getting to biz –
**brings you to this
Yes I have the same problem, I am typically a bottom but would love to top however I cum almost immediately also. It’s frustrating and embarrassing
The condom thing. I think i have the same. That’s why I donot use condoms these days.
About ejaculation, go to see a urologist, asking for anti depressants pills. These pills do wonders. Just take one two or three hours ahead of game. Usually it will make you last longer than you would expect.
Well, not an uncommon issue at all.
Two suggestions:
1. How about Viagra (or other similar pills). While you may not actually need it to get an erection, it could support in this short moment where Before penetration. According to my experience, this may also help to overcome a mental block associated with this moment, and after few occasions, you may not need it anymore.
2. Standard condoms can be sometimes tricky on the erection, and the added pressure may push you to cuming earlier. Did you try instead the internal condom (“female condom”). Instead of wrapping your cock, it sheds the inside of your partner’s anus. No added pressure on the cock, a (much) better feeling for the bottom and for you. It’s worth a try.
Sensual is more the natural evolution regarding the experience. Sexual is identity dominating the experience and so missing out on it ultimately. Be sensual.
Mattk – I know the feeling (or lack of feeling) associated with condoms. several things you can try. practice putting on a condom and j/o, maybe watching porn, and just get used to having a condom on. practice putting it on and taking it off. If you have a regular partner, have him do the same, or put it on with his mouth. I find a larger condom helps me stay hard, and have the condom wrappers pre-torn or have your partner deal with opening the wrapper and putting it on so you can concentrate on keeping it up.
the coming as soon as you enter, that is (over)excitement. you can try some of the numbing sprays, or practice edging with one of the fleshlight/ j/o toys to get used to the sensation and hopefully learn to control your ejaculations. make it about the journey, not the ejaculation destination ; )
Appreciate your advice, Hardtopftl. As for going limp w/ the condom, I watch tons of hot gay porn but when I’m in bed with a guy, that’s really the last thing I wanna do because I feel like I’m in my own porno movie. But I’ll try your idea of practicing with a condom on. As for my premature ejac, I’m never in any hurry to cum. It’s just that I get so excited during foreplay and oral, that by the time I’ve stuck it up a hot ass, my dick is like “is it soup yet?” But I’ll try your ideas – much appreciated…
listen to the guy you’re fucking.
not just his words, also his body– his breathing, his facial expressions, the sounds he makes, what his ass muscles are doing, and so on.
good sex is simple, it’s just pole in hole. great sex is sharing body, mind and spirit.
I think sex is an incredible thing that two people can do with each other I think it’s better when it’s done and of loving care and what you feel for somebody I know that there’s a lot a game in the just think of it as getting off doing all that nonsense but when it really comes down to it being intimate with somebody and especially the physicality of it it can be something you have to practice at Be conscious how each is feeling . How it feels during for both people and it takes time to be comfortable with each other -be safe . Protectvone another esp with STI HIV+ still existing and regardless of Prep or someone + being in meds . It’s really about taking care of each other esp sexually …. sex shiiykdnt be dangerous or hurt and be open -Open up communication and being very candid about what’s going on and during . It’s very healthy to be candid and yet it’s practicing and showing each other and telling each other what you like ……What’s working -& what isn’t -esp if it’s hurting . Sex is suppose to be pleasurable and truly it shouldn’t leave anyone feeling horrible hurt or otherwise ..
Pretty good advice!! I am a 100% TOP who has never bottomed (just never have and never will be into it).. but I cant help thinking that I would be an even BETTER top if I had an idea of how being penetrated felt to the bottom..
I wish someone would do an article with different “bottoms” explaining exactly how it feels to be penetrated.. so those of us who will never experience the sensation can gain some knowledge.
Being a bottom doesn’t hurt me as long as the top fingers my ass a little. Start with 1 finger, then 2, then 3, and then my ass will be very receptive for your cock hard and deep.
@MATTK – I’m a top as well. I don’t have any suggestions to help, but just wanted to commiserate. I’ve had similar experiences with the limp dick. Other times, things have totally gone right (which has made me believe the body has corrected itself).
Yes, it’s frustrating. Viagra sometimes helps and sometimes it doesn’t. Totally unpredictable, which probably contributes to the dysfunction.
I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and hopefully both of us can get suggestions to assist with this problem.
You’re is you are. Your is your. If your partner is into it.
1. Start off slowly. This isn’t Machofucker for God’s sake. You can’t just step up and cram it in balls deep then start pounding away (for most bottoms anyway). If your bottom asks for it, then by all means give it to him.
2. Know where the prostate is and stimulate it with the head of your dick with your strokes.
3. Your bottom has a dick too. Don’t be afraid to at least touch it every once in a while. Sucking it is even better. Bonus points if you can suck his dick and fuck him at the same time.
4. Try bottoming yourself. The best tops have bottomed at least a couple of times. How else will you know what feels good where, when and for how long?
The best TOPS have worked their way up from the bottom, get you are good vers guy. Vers guys knows how to put it down on a bottom like nothing he has every had before.
The best TOPS have worked their way up from the bottom, get you a good vers guy. Vers guys knows how to put it down on a bottom like nothing he has every had before.
STAT- how right you are, i started as a total bottom