Speak Out : I’m Just Watching, Not Cheating!
(This post was written by an A4A member, if you wish to submit an article, send it to blog at adam4adam.com)
The other day I was at an orgy and there was only a few guys there but I noticed that there was I one guy who stood off to the side and was watching. He wouldn’t let anyone touch him nor did he touch anyone else.
This got me to thinking. If you are married or in a relationship and you attended one of this parties and you did touch anyone and no one touched you, is this considered cheating? Would you be upset if your partner or spouse went to something like this and just watched, no touching?
I don’t know how I would react in this situation. What would you do?
Jason
If you’re married/in a relationship and you’re going to sex parties behind your partner/husband’s back, then you’re violating his trust whether or not you’re poking someone else. If your SO is o.k. with you going so long as you only watch, then who am I to butt in and say that you’re cheating or not? It all depends on the dynamics and rules of that particular relationship.
Not cheating but something your partner should know about. Openness is trust based. Transparency is key. That said – woof to the thought.
I kind of think that the cheating began way before even arriving and it happened in their mind.
I’ve always wondered how other guys felt about being watched. I like to watch and get myself off. Are guys okay with that?
What is the point of being at an Orgy if you are not going to partake. No watching is not cheating. I’m certain that person was just getting some spank bank material cause he’s in a sexless monogamous relationship.
I would say he is fueling his fire and I want him to bring that fire home to me. I don’t care where he gets his appetite. Just as long as he comes home to eat.
I don’t see a thing wrong with it. Why the heck was I not invited to attend also.
Why do gay men try to fashion there relationships after straight women’s ideas of a relationship?
Go for the gusto. Keep each other close, do not criticize to much or too often. It might be that extra curricular activity that is keeping your relationship together.
It honestly depends on the couple and the rules of their relationship. It’s not the sexual act with other people that muddy the waters of marriage.
Its the lying. The sneaking around, the betrayal of trust and love between the two parties involved.
If you are into threesomes, then by god, do it! If you are into orgies, great!
BUT, don’t sneak out on your loved one to go have a trust behind his (or her back, not judging), while telling yourself that “You just wanted to protect them from getting hurt.”
Absolute bull. You well being selfish and cruel.
If I was with someone and they watched but no contact. I would care. As long as they didn’t lie to me. If there just watching. Its like watching porn but live.
I consider this cheating and disrespectful to my spouse or the person I am dating. I have no problem if he watches online porn as long as he doesn’t act upon it with someone other than me. I don’t do orgies nor would I ask my partner to attend one with me.
I would let my partner go and watch I would go and watch but if we both go we would join in I like to watch my partner get fucked makes me horny
So not cheating! If it were then watching porn or looking at anyone’s ass or package on the street would be cheating, too.
If there was definitely no contact, then I would say it is not cheating. It is the equivalent of being accused of cheating for watching porn whether it is live or on media.
Not sure but I think I would rather enjoy knowing my partner would have enough control to not “touch” any others.
I’d be hella jealous that he went without me, but as long as he behaves,its not cheating, just observing a live sex show. No big deal. If he was involved, then thats a whole new can of worms, and then it would be cheating. But just observing, its all good. He’s a good man for not getting involved.
If your partner does not know and you do it, it is cheating
He was probably just a watcher. There’s people who are into only that. There’s also straight guys who like to watch gay porn but don’t want anything to do with gay sex, just like there’s women who like lesbian porn but don’t have sex with women. Sometimes I just like to watch as well.
As with all relationship decisions, this is one best made together rather than looking for technicalities.
As with all relationship decisions, this is one best made together rather than looking for technicalities.
Jason: I have no answer to your question. I just want to get an invite to the next orgy you attend! My New Year’s resolution: Attend more orgies this year. Happy New Year 2016, guys! Let’s have even more gay sex and drive those religious and moral zealots even crazier.
I have gone to a few orgy’s and just watched. It was very nice watching people enjoying themselves and having fun. I don’t think it was cheating and told my partner before I went and all about it afterwards. It is all about TRUST!!! If She ever wants to go and do the same, She is welcome to give it a try.
That’s a slippery slope. Looking may lead to only touching then touching my lead to more. Unless both partners are present I feel it’s cheating. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner going to those places without me.
A friend of mine loves to watch me fuck so often times I will get a call to meet a bottom at my friends house where he will just watch. His partner knows but doesn’t care and now I have a pimp sort of speak. The guys that come over are aware they will be watched and they think it is hot frankly so do I.
Probably would not be upset – but would prefer to know if he wanted to go. Maybe this guy did that, but you cannot assume he was married, maybe he is a voyeur.
I think that whether it’s cheating or not is a hair couples will have to split for themselves, but I don’t understand why anyone would go to such an event just to watch, or why the hosts would allow such behavior.
If there was no touching, I’m not sure how any gay male could be upset. Here’s why:
How many profiles do you see on a4a, Grindr, etc, that say “no pic, no chat”? It’s not so much that the guys who say that are trying to be dicks, it’s that men are very visual by nature.
Porn is a multi billion dollar industry catered to…..men. Being at an orgy and just watching is just like being at a live porn show.
Now…I would have a problem if my partner went to one of these without telling me first. That would have to make you wonder.
Yet….another reason why I’m single…..lol.
I think my first question to my supposedly partner would be, Why do you feel the need to put yourself out there if you are not intending on reacting to the situation?
I say bring your partner along and see how he reacts. If he gets into touching or being touched, it could be a hot night.
Would I be upset? Sure, but probably not for the same reasons as many. I’d be upset if he went and didn’t tell me because I’d have to question why all the secrecy. Would I be upset if he went and didn’t do anything? Most likely not. I might be perturbed that I wasn’t invited, but wouldn’t get all twisted out of shape about it. I’d have to ask myself why he went. Was he just curious? Was he on the prowl? What’s happening that makes him want to go in the first place? If it were something he happened upon, I’d dismiss it. If he were prowling, then we have some talking to do to find out what’s missing that makes him feel the need to prowl. After all, you don’t spend your entire adult life with someone without understand why they are the way that they are.
To me, technically you’re not “cheating” however, If you’re without your partner, and attending one of these functions, although you’re not engaging, you are participating and in my eyes you’re somewhere you don’t belong. If you don’t agree, then tell you’re partner beforehand.
I wouldn’t believe he didn’t touch.
If you have established with your partner that this venture is not a deal breaker; great. Otherwise I think you are extremely curious and bound to go there orgy or one on one. Besides who wants someone just hanging out in the corner? Chances are you/he got aroused and may have been masturbating. Is it cheating explicitly I can not say. But if I came to find out that my boyfriend was attending sex parties. I don’t think trust would be our strong suit anymore.
If this person wasn’t touched at all physically
and vice versa. Technically, it’s not cheating.
At the same time,
If someone who’s in a committed relationship
feels compelled to attend an orgy, if only to
watch, that suggests said person is not being
fulfilled by their partner.
Hate to be a prude…but it’s a shame so many in the lgtb community want to “redefine” what it means to be in a relationship or married. Honor and commitment are virtues, and serve to strengthen a bond between two people. If you can’t even manage sexual fidelity, chances are the framework of your ” relationship ” are pretty superficial anyway.
I said all that to say…to each his own….but there’s s reason why people find love that endures the test of time so AMAZING
It’s just like watching porn. Would you be upset if you walked in on your partner/bf/spouse and they were jerking off to porn? Would you consider that cheating?
As for me, just watching without touching is not cheating.
Is there a typo? is it suppose to be “You did NOT touch anyone and no one touched you, is this considered cheating?”
The answer, like so many in life, is ‘it depends’. Each one of us who is in a relationship ought to define it’s borders, cross the line and it’s cheating.
If you are afraid to tell your partner you went to an orgy it won’t matter to him if you touched someone or not- you’re in trouble!
I feel that its only cheating if you feel that you cannot tell your spouse or significant other. Of course this is assuming that not interaction or intercourse took place…
It wouldnt be cheating any more than watching porn or live video. Kinky, but not cheating.
Well, that’s a good question. I imagine that if you’re just watching and not touching anyone, or being touched by anyone, then I wouldn’t consider it cheating, per se.
However, I might still be very suspicious of the whole thing. I mean, it’s an orgy. Everybody is touching everybody, so it’s hard to tell if my lover had actually touched anyone, or if anyone had touched him– especially if I’m not there.
Hey looking for a guy
That’s a hard one cause how would you know for a fact that they didn’t touch anyone or vice versa….I’m sure I personally would not react well to finding out the person I was with was at one knowing me that probably would be the end game.
I would consider it cheating. Because what if he would of been extremely turned on and gave into the temptation. But who knows, someone else could have a different opinion.
I do not understand the process,If you are married and go to an orgy and do not participate,why go?
I would be concerned if my dude wanted to just watch a live orgy. Hell! Just watch porn! And kudos to whoever has the willpower to resist touching or being touched at an orgy!
The cheating issues aside (that’s between you and your partner anyway) there is nobody as annoying at a group sex gathering than the guys who aren’t there to enjoy group action. This includes not only the guys who won’t touch or be touched by anyone, but also the guys who want to shop the group in order to select someone for one-on-one. The group isn’t there to provide live porn or buffet cruising for you. If you don’t want to participate in group play then don’t go.
No, I would no consider this cheating at all. I enjoy to watch myself and like the person in the article I would not want to be touched unless it’s my choice. There’s no difference between this and watching porn, only this is live. The question I would ask “Is he parter comfortable with him being there, and is there a level of trust, and respect for each other to allow the freedom to do this without feeling like your partner is creeping out on you.”
Personally, having a clothed stranger stand on the fringes and watch is creepy. The two parties I attend from time to time don’t allow it. The general feeling is “we’re all here to play, not be someone’s porn.” Beyond that classifying watching as “cheating” for me would be a stretch.
Wouldn’t that be the same as claiming watching porn was cheating? If no touching was involved, I wouldn’t care at all. I would like to know about it though. Openness and honesty are key to a solid relationship. Better yet, both go and watch together and just fuck each other and steal the show!
This is why I have always been in open relationships. If isn’t for everyone but it works for me. I could never just have sex with one guy and I am upfront and honest from the beginning about it. Some of my partners have been OK with it and others aren’t. Is it cheating just watching. Probably. I can’t imagine going to an orgy and not touching however.
Definitely not cheating. I would tell my bf or husband thank you for the utmost respect then id tell eberyone else he comes home to me every night!no trust. No relationship.just sayn