Speak Out : Queer Eye For The Straight Guy
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I can honestly say that I’ve never had a crush on any of my straight guy friends… until about a year ago. The majority of my friends are straight guys; partly because I have a hard time meeting gay guys organically, and partly because we have a very similar sense of humor. I’m very adamant about not blurring the line between friendship and attraction, and I’ve never had any issues in the past.
About a year ago, I became pretty good friends with this guy who moved from out of state. Physically he was definitely my type, I noticed this right away, but I knew he was straight so I let any hint of attraction fall away. After hanging out and multiple moments of platonic male bonding, I realized that our personalities complimented each other very well. I tend to be more logical and rational than emotional. In fact sometimes I’m completely oblivious to how I feel about certain things. It was by best friend since kindergarten that pointed out, after one too many casual statements beginning with my new friend’s name and ending with the phrase “if only he were gay”, that my feelings toward him were more than platonic.
My best friend was right. I wanted more from my new “friend”, and this scared me shitless. No matter how much I try to ignore or rationalize how I feel I still feel like a twelve-year-old girl next to her crush. I made it to my mid-twenties without having this problem. When my friend began dating his new girlfriend about two months ago I actually felt jealous and hurt. After I realized how ridiculous it is to feel this way I’ve stopped hanging out with him as much as I used to. I feel bad because he doesn’t know how I feel about him, and to be honest I’d rather end our friendship than admit this to him.
Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it? Any input is appreciated.
Ryan aka Melodyking13 on A4A
I’ve had this same problem like two years ago; this guy knew about my sexuality and the fact that I never threw myself at him made it extremely difficult to even tell him. It was eating me up inside and I had to say something to him, I called one day and told him that I feel that there was a connection between us and how it made me feel when I was around him. At first his response was nonchalant then about four days later he called me and told me that he was very flattered that I had the courage to say something to him. He didnt cast me aside (which I thought he would) but he did tell me nothing would happen between us but things didn’t change about us until about six months ago. We got drunk together watching a game and he said that if he was to mess with a guy, it would be me but I didnt pay too much mind into it since he was under the influence. A week later we was hanging and he came up to me and kissed me on my forehead and told me that he is happy that we were good friends. When that happened i was ecstatic to even be touched by him but realized that he only gets like that when we are drinking. I brought it to his attention and he is yet to answer any of my calls or texts.
You are being rediculous (which is not uncommon when emotions and vulnerability are involved).
To summarize: you would rather end the friendship completely than admit to him that you’re attracted to him.
OK, so riddle me this, Batman: if you’re already ready to walk away completely, where is the risk associated with telling him you have feelings for him? Best case scenario is he feels something too, and is willing to experiment. Worst case scenario is he totally rejects you and drops you as a friend. (Honestly dude, does it REALLY matter if you dropped him as a friend of if he dropped you? Are you stuck in Middle School?)
One last comment: The age of “polarized sexuality” (that is: you’re gay OR straight — pick a team!) is generally over. Younger people (in my experience) are far more willing to accept their sexuality as it comes to them, without worrying about labels like straight or gay. In fact, there is significant peer pressure in some schools to BE BI! That is, to “try it both ways”.
You may well be surprised by your friend. Even if he doesn’t return your sexual attraction/feelings, he may well be comfortable enough to still be friends, even knowing you look at him “that way”…
Of course, you could be silent — which will guarantee your “worst case” scenario.
Had an almost exactly the same situation…except he was married. Best friends for 20 years. Went fishing together, movies, exercising…etc. We talked al lot about our sex lives. I am bi and that’s the only part he heard about…until one day in Walmart. We were looking at fishing equipment and he was telling me about some difficulties he was having with his wife and their watching porn. I then told him I had a friend that would come over and watch porn with me and we would j/o together (didn’t tell him it was always more than that). The look that came over his face was one of unbelief and almost horror. I knew then and there our friendship was over. I’ve tried to get together with him a couple of times since…but I can sense he is very uncomfortable being around me. Haven’t seen him in a couple of years now….I miss the times we spent together…just doing guy stuff. I will again be the first to open up in this type of situation.
i know exactly how you feel. I am dealing with a neighbor who lives under me and he is straight with girlfriend but he always talking to me and seems to come out of the house at the same time. He always parks his car beside mine. I really want to express to him how i feel but just like you I am scared and do not know what the outcome will be.I need help with this too. What do you do?
OH, IT’S RYAN… THE POSTER SOME PEOPLE FELT WAS RACE-BAITING ON HIS PREVIOUS POST…
WELL,
DRESS UP AS A FEMALE FOR HALLOWEEN AND SHOW HIM WHAT YOU GOT. MANY MANY “STRAIGHT” MEN ARE INTO THAT WHOLE TRANS THING *MANY*.
😉
I have felt this way about my best friend for the 25 years we have been friends. He is absolutely straight and I have little doubt that if I expressed more than platonic interest it would probably been the end of our friendship. It is more important to me to be his friend so I just keep my feelings for him to myself.
Oh yeah…been there, done that. I can think of one friend where we had a very fun platonic relationship for at least 3 years until I managed to pop a boner when he was hugging me. He slowly pulled away from our friendship and finally pulled me aside and said “I think we need to go our separate ways. If we connect again then it’s meant to be.” To this day, I have not seen him nor has he contacted me, I suspect he felt the same way about me but I will never know. I miss him a lot – sexy, smart, caring – and he made a huge impression on me.
i guess this happens to everyone at some point throughout life, that is falling in love with the wrong person. i’ve always been more attracted to straight men for some reason, for which i blame it on karma because i rejected a girl who was and still is madly in love with me for 10 years. at this point i don’t even think telling her i’m gay would matter anymore.
anyway, back to your question. the first time is always hard because that part of your heart is still soft and gooey, the untouched territory. however, i don’t think ending a great relationship is the answer, and it probably won’t solve your problem either. by forcing yourself out of his life, there might be complications such as his confrontation, to which you can either lie and make up an excuse or tell him the truth, either way for a straight guy, it might not end up well. another possibility is you never know when you are gonna get really drunk and “accidentally” call him and spill your guts and regret the hell out of it the next day.
so my solution would be keep being friends. i know it’s hard, trust me i’ve been through this so many times. it doesn’t matter how much attraction you feel toward him, at one point you’ll start facing the reality. sure there will always be times when he says or does something that makes your heart skip a beat, but if you care for him, you would want what’s best for him and you wanna be there for him no matter what.
a good friend is extremely hard to find, be grateful. and maybe if you strip the physical attraction, you’ll see deep down, you love him just as a brother. after all, love is love
Hi ryan!!.. well I have never been in that situation, I am 28 yrs old, and I have so many straight friends, with who I go to gay clubs with (of course they bring their girlfriends so they can see the drag show) I have also dance with them, but I know that there is a line that can never be crossed. Im not sure if what im going to tell you will be ok but here it goes.
I thing that you don’t have to admit it, but if you have a really good friendship you don’t have to lose it either, maybe you did the right thing by not hanging out with him as much, and you should try to date other people. Don’t lose you friend over a crush
I have found some str8t males who I have connected with emotionally, physically and maturity wise, are sometime open to a physical friendship with a man, as long as neither get to serious with one another. Str8t men to I believe crave a male on male close true friendship, someone they can trust and be comfortable with, but we have to remember he is still primarily str8t, and will eventually find a female companion, so your closeness will most likely fade some, if not all together. I believe life’s relationships all have a time span, few endure with time, but most fade away. After all we all change and mature with time ourselves, it is life.
Sadly, you are also ACTING like a 12 year old girl. Yes, your feelings are your issue, but they’re honest and you’re allowed to share them, even with the person they’re about. If the straight guy is as good of a friend as you think he might surprise you and continue to be your friend, even knowing you have romantic feelings for him. It happened for me so I’m speaking from experience. It may test your friendship, and it may be a struggle to regain it but it’s the grownup way to honor you both. Straight guys have feelings to and he will probably wonder why you’ve pulled away.
Few to none can say they always get every guy they want. Rejection is a part of everyone’s life – straight or gay.
Your friend hasn’t rejected you, he just prefers women. Good friends are hard to come by. Good straight men friends are even harder to come by for a gay man.
Don’t turn away from this friendship.
The guy might even have a clue that you are gay if he’s never seen or heard of you having a chic. Guys both straigt and gay often share bedroom stories. Have you been pretending by talking about chics?
He might even be bi or curious but waiting to reveal that. Maybe sometime you’ll get to hear what he thinks about gay or bi and you’ll know where he stands with that.
Either way, control yourself and keep the friend guy.
Twice I’ve fallen like a ton of bricks for a straight friend. After the first time I swore to myself that I’d NEVER put myself in that position again, but sometimes life doesn’t work out as planned. Both times I tried to sublimate my feelings, but that’s easier said than done. The second time the only thing that solved my problem is that he and I, who used to work together, both moved to other jobs. We are still in the same state, but see each other once or twice a year (instead of almost everyday). In this case, I was lucky enough to find out that absence did NOT make the heart grow fonder. I still Like him a lot, but I’m no longer “in Like” with him … especially since he’s gotten married and now has a child.
I know how you feel. I have a VERY close friend that if I’m being honest, I am totally in love with. We spend most of our time together, miss each other when we are apart. We even say “I love you” to each other when we part company or hang up the phone. We compliment each other in just about every way. Its complicated. He is straight. While its likely to never EVER happen. This friend is dear and at somepoint he will meet a girl and eventually get married I think the friendship is too precious to loose. I’m going to be happy for him even if a bit sad for myself.
I’ve been in that same situation. It’s best that you gradually distance yourself from him (make it seem like you’re just “that busy”). Otherwise, staying in that situation will only make you more frustrated since you’ve realized that you have been unconsciously been wanting more out of the friendship than you originally thought. Also, women are VERY intuitive – so it’s just a matter of time that his girlfriend will get a full read on you…..and she WILL confront your friend about this. Additionally, if he figures out that you’re attracted to him, it will only cause for an awkward situation and he’ll become distrustful with people.
End this while you can.
Well your feelings for this guy probably aren’t going to magically disappear. Sure they may alter – down the road – but for now being around this guy is basically taking a knife in the wound and twisting it.
Instead of just ending the friendship without saying anything you need to let him know WHY you’re ending it, that you’ve for the first time in your life started to develop feelings for a friend. You know it’s not going to go anywhere but that you can’t help how you feel so for the time being you’re going to step back from the situation because a.) You don’t want to get hurt & b.) You don’t want to hurt his feelings by suddenly becoming unavailable without any explanation as to why.
Being honest about what’s going on will be cathartic for you and him as well.
i had the same thing happen to me with a straight friend and roommate. at first i didnt think anything of our interactions, until our other roommates pointed out how weird it was that him and i would do so many things together, how he was so affectionate, heck we even slept in the same bed for almost 3 months ( no sex, but we cuddled together). once my feelings towards him became more confusing/appearant to myself. he started dating this girl. i was heartbroken, confused, and mad. i also didnt know how to handle the situation and left me apartment like a thief in the night. sneaking out with all my stuff at 3am without saying a word to anyone. i dont have any good advice, because i dont think i handled it well myself. but now that i havent spoken to him in a few months i feel a lot better. so maybe distancing yourself from him is the best thing.
I was the Straight guy when a gay man hit omen me it didn’t offen d meshocked me at first but he called it right I am gay as he was
This past summer the same thing happened to me, except I felt like the attraction was mutual( maybe it was just in my head) but I never let on that I felt anything more than friends. The hardest part was when he got a new girlfriend I was so sad. I knew nothing would come of it, but my feelings were so strong. It’s silly to think that a straight boy out of nowhere will profess his love to you,and lusting after one is worse. We’re still friends and I see him every once and awhile. It’s definitely hard especially when you’re friends. Walking away was probably the best in boh scenarios because you don’t want him finding out you’re pining for him. And it’s better to preserve the original relationship so he doesn’t feel offended or awkward. But I understand the struggle is real when you have a crush. That’s why they call them that because they usually crush you 🙁 in any event stay strong and know that you will meet a man who will want to be with you for the man you are! I’m gunning for ya!
If gay guys want to be accepted for their sexuality, they have to accept straight guys for theirs. Gay guys need to put on their big boy pants, find some semblance of moral character, and simply not allow themselves to lathered up over straights. Straight guys are simply off limits, physically and mentally.
Anything else is hypocrisy.
Have I had a situation like the one you described? He’ll yes! Dozens! That was my problem. I always got crushes on straight guys. Now it’s very hard to fall for someone because I’m always going to think it will go nowhere. Don’t lose the friendship even though nothing is going to happen like you want with him. Really good friends are hard to find. Someday maybe you can confide in him. Become friends with the girl and with them as a couple. You’ll get over the crush, but the friendship may turn out to be lifelong. We all need those. Good luck
You should probably tell him how you feel, but make sure you tell him that you respect that he’s straight and that’s why you find it difficult to hangout with him like you used to do as much. Tell him you dont want to ruin your friendship, but you also dont wanna feel so guilty and awkward. Maybe I might suggest a few inuendos that might lighten the mood. Just have a good conversation with him. Good luck!
My advice to you is too not ever fool yourself with your feeling about a guy who IS NOT GAY””” It is wasted energy and a foolish notion to think that he will just become gay for you*** :-/
You can’t hold any bad feeling toward him, it’s not his problem, nor even his feeling, he is innocent””” be thankful that he is a friend, and flush all that other foolish stuff down the toilet.. (Point)***
Years ago when I was discovering my sexuality I had all straight friends far as I know. And even though I had feelings that were hard to explain I never made the move on any of them. But there was 1 friend who became the best whom was certainly a ladies man. He was always with a girl and doing what came natural know what I mean. Any way he also had another friend who was gay and he mentioned to me that they had experimented but we never really got into details. In the mean time he and myself spent a lot of times together even lived together at the end which was a big mistake. And I will never forget one evening I came in from work and was lying in bed resting and he came in and started giving me a message until ring, ring the girl friend called. I was like darn this may have been the moment to find out what could have or would have happened. Unfortunately living together is the worst best friends can do because to this day I don’t know where he is, how his life has turned out. And not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. I wish that I could get the bonding back that we had, I am at a point in my life the sexual desire is not that important.
It’s a tough thing sometimes dealing with straight guy friends. For gay guys, we can’t shut off the fact that we like guys – the attraction doesn’t limit itself to ONLY gay guys…it’s all guys. So when we have a great “bro” connection with a straight guy sometimes it can really mess with our emotions because we’re misinterpreting signals and chemistry or trying to interpret genuine friendship with something more. I think that as gay guys who have been told by a society “You’re not normal, you’re not even a guy!” we gravitate toward what society accepts as a “guy” – so a lot of gay guys are obsessed with trying to be with a straight guy because it’s “normal” for guys to be straight…according to this society. It’s getting better, but it’s not there yet so you can see a large part of gay male attraction leans toward that which society accepts and affirms as “guy”.
For us, we have to be honest with our feelings. If you’re attracted to your friend, then you’re attracted to your friend. There’s nothing you can really do about that except accept it and move forward. He’s into girls; that’s what straight guys are into. If he did mess around with you it would only be that – you could never make him suddenly like men just as all these religious ex-gay groups are totally unsuccessful in making us suddenly like women. It just doesn’t work; we like what we like. Maybe we experiment sometimes, but that isn’t a good foundation for a lasting relationship – and it never works out the way we want it to anyway.
So…you can either be honest with your friend, and accept that it’s not his fault that you’re being hurt and jealous that he’s got a girlfriend. Don’t hate him and don’t hate her – they’re straight; that’s what they do. They date the opposite sex. But honesty can clear the air a little and release those emotions and frustrations that you’ve been bottling up. Communication can heal and bring you guys back to that “bro” status or it can pull you guys apart further. But you have to accept that and make it happen if you want to restore your friendship.
Accept that he is who he is just as you are who you are. Celebrate his sexuality as much as you want him to celebrate yours, and a lot of times these emotions will work themselves out. I can tell you now, though, if you let yourself get consumed by it you’re going to make a mess out of everything and just embarrass yourself. Don’t be that whiney queen throwing a fit because the straight guy won’t fall in love with you. Save the friendship; that’s more important.
I have been there like you but chose to break my silence and tell him he expressed flattery but said he was straight so i explained that we couldn’t hang like we were it was torture so i began hanging. With someone else and jealousy on his part appeared and he expressed feelings and physical attraction and worked for a while but we good friends still to this day.
Oddly enough yes I have been in the same situation multiple times and each situation was different. The only thing I can honestly say is you have to truly think with your mind and your heart. Mostly because the rejection could really hurt and because the possible mutual attraction can confuse you. To explain my case, I have a male best friend that I have know for 10 years now. We are compatible on so many levels and we both know it, but have not crossed the line because we both value each other friendship. On multiple occasions I told him how I felt both in private and in front of his girlfriend. I was not trying to be a dick or anything but was trying to point out our compatibility. He is one of few male best friends that understands me. He knows what I thinking before I think it and knows what I will do in specific situations (i.e., gay bashing, racial and ignorant thinking and my overall need to correct ignorant thinking and irrationality). Because of our continued friendship I have learned to be rational in thinking and understand that honesty has its place and sometimes ending a friendship is not easy as it seems.
In all actuality the choice is yours but I must say choose cautiously because history has a way of repeating itself and running from your feelings may not always work. With that said I hope you can find you in this situation wish you nothing but the best.
Punagold1824 (A4A)
Why not explain to him exactly what you wrote above? Even share it with him. If he’s a quality guy (and I’m assuming you hang out with quality friends), he might be understanding and respond positively. It’ll help get your feelings out and help you come to some resolution.
Ryan. Each individual lives in the world he built for himself. If your friendship is as close and the bond is strong, you will overcome this disappointment. If you throw away the friendship, then it does prove that you were never the friend he thought you were. There will always individuals who will not fit in your world, either by your choice or by theirs. I truly believe you do not have a good reason to end a good friendship. Some straight guys make the best friends you could ever know.
Go ahead and com completely out of your closet. Friends are friends. It doesn’t help anyone to play secrets. Tell all your friends your gay and if one comes along that your attracted to, tell him. It will take the tension away and empower you to put that ball back in his court. The fear of rejection & concuring it will make you a much stronger and wiser person and possibly result in a stronger, more realistic friendship. Best of luck!!
I had this issue with a foreign exchange student who stayed with my family back in 2010. I didn’t like him at first, but I found myself developing this huge crush. I decided to put it to him straight. I was attracted to him and wanted to know if there was anything between us. He said he just wanted to be friends, and it was all fine until the end of his stay. I actually tried to spy on him. He discovered myattempts and it put a big damper on our friendship. He’s since forgiven me, but seriously, I can’t believe I was so stupid.
Back in college, I became best friends with a French-Persian guy. I also never found myself attracted to straight guys. One night he joined AEPi a Jewish fraternity not big on campus but still a great place to hang out. As our friendship developed he noticed we weren’t hanging out as much since he joined the frat. One day, he knocked on my dorm room door and invited me to rush his frat. I was Christian but open-minded and I really missed hanging out with him. The first rush event was a toga party that night. I was so happy to rush just so he could end up being my big brother that I invited him back to setup our costume toga with things I found around my dorm. The party was started at 8pm s we were showing up about 9pm.
He showed up at my dorm room at 7pm in some mesh basketball shorts invisible underwear and a tank top. His olive skin was a little pale from skipping the beach this summer. He was there in my room willing to stand in just those shorts with his junk see-threw the mesh. At this point I wrapped him in his toga and he helped him with mine. So there we were with 1hr 45 minutes to spare so we played some Grand theft Auto III in nothing but togas and underwear or shorts in his case. For some unknown reason, he takes off his shorts and asks can he leave then at my place before we get ready to go. So now, he’s sitting there in just the toga…
We return from the Toga party intoxicated hung-over and tired. What happened at the party not to important so I figured I skip to the juicy stuff. Drunk Straight friend in nothing but a slight falling off toga asked if he can disrobe and if he could change here and crash in my dorm room since his dorm doesn’t like public intoxication. Well while looking the collage fine girls on my wall he disrobes from the toga revealing Low Cut Fine Persian briefs 100% cotton. He said he didn’t want to wear his sweaty basketball shorts and asked if he could sleep in my bed. I was awe struck. I thought he just had to be hitting on me but I was a coward. I slept in my roommates bed. When I look over he’s passed out on top of the comforter in nothing but those briefs. I froze for minutes contemplating if he was offering himself to me or was just innocently drunk and barely naked…
After I realized how ridiculous it is to feel this way about him. I choose not to stop hanging out with him. I began to feel bad leading up to this point because he doesn’t know how I feel about him, and to be honest I would rather maintain our friendship than have a gay fling with him, for all I know he could have said I molested him.
Some hours later, a few friends told me I should stop his dorm and confess how I feel about him. Just because I shouldn’t avoid him over my unrequited love for him. You know, let him know that I love him but I don’t want anymore than he would give me because I knew he cared about me a lot but just didn’t like the idea of making love to me.
So about 2pm the next day after the toga party, I came to his room.
He was on the phone with a former male colleague from back home. It was a rather heated conversation. The moment he noticed me, he told him on the phone, that “It’s great that you like guys but you need to realize that I don’t. I’m sorry I do not want to fuck you. I’m not gay. I don’t ever want to speak to you again!” He hung up the phone and asked me what I wanted to speak to him about. I was at a loss of words and I left heartbroken.
Today. I have a few straight male friends. I’m open about my bisexuality. However, I don’t talk directly about it unless I am asked. I have but one rule only fall in love with a gay/bi men. Straight men may be curious but at the end of the day. If they truly are straight they are not into you.
Yep. All the time. They know I’m 100% gay and upfront about it. If they ever wanted more of a relationship they knew to ask me. Some did some didn’t. Most are still friends. Fukbuds are fine e but when it gets serious level with them immediately and go from there. Been there a few times.
Hi Ryan,
I’m actually going through this same situation as we speak. I think you should let him know how you feel, if he knows you’re gay, he shouldn’t be too upset. You will never know if he’s feeling the same way unless you open up to him.
I’m getting close to a guy who I assume is straight. He has made it clear that he’s very gay friendly. But I still don’t know if he’s Gay or Bi. Therefore, it’s only one way for me to find out by asking. I’m not sure how I will go about asking/finding out.
I totally feel you in regards to your situation. On one hand you want to keep a friend, and on the other you want to guard your heart (figuratively speaking of course). Rationalizing the situation in your head doesn’t help because by doing so you end up thinking about that guy. This (in my opinion) is something you need to stop doing. My suggestion, which is something you already are doing, is to remove yourself from the object of “affection”. Take some time away and do the the things you enjoy with other friends, family, etc (A casual coffee date could probably do wonders as well). After some time away, hopefully, your feelings would have subsided and you can be more objectionable. But remember to go back in with the thought “This guy is Str8” and keep things as short and laid back as possible. However, if you find that the feelings are still there, you may just want to consider avoiding the guy. You deserve a healthy life/relationship and so does the other guy too.
I hope I could help in some way 🙂
Hell yeah, and it sucks! The half dozen times in my life when I’ve actually fallen in love, it has been with a straight friend. Now I’m in my 40’s and still alone. I don’t know why I do this every time, but I do. And it takes me years to get over it!
I would just tell him how it really is if it bothers him he’ll let you know but it shouldn’t mess up your friendship and it would be a lot worse for you to jst end it and him not knowing why and him feeling like it was something he did wrong. But I’m sure if he’s your friend he’ll be understanding
I also prefer having straight guy friends. I am more the outdoor activity and gym type than the club/bar hopping one. And it seems the latter is all that my gay friends are interested in. (This is kind of a tangent but it illustrates my problem precisely. I wanted to go to San Diego recently to hang out at the beach but my friend only wanted to go to the bars and clubs…what’s the fucking point of going to San Diego?! We already live in Vegas, the world center of clubs and bars. Sigh!)
My best friend is a hot straight guy who used to be my gym and fishing buddy when he lived here. Unfortunately, he has had to move out of state with his gf, whom I also love. I initially had a huge crush/lust on/for him but the more I hung out with them, the more he felt like my brother. So I don’t think of him in that way anymore. He recently came to visit me and crashed on my couch. He probably would have been cool sleeping with me on my bed but I didn’t wanna push it so…Anyways, his gf just gave me a shout out on Facebook recently telling me how much they missed me and wanted me to come visit them in Cape Cod where they live now, near the beach. I’m excited to go, especially now that they have a cute, little boy.
Tell him.
Young people today are far more accepting than us older guys (all over the spectrum) were. Tell him your feelings as well as how it makes you feel to have them. If he is genuinely your friend, you’ll have a good talk and maybe both learn a bit more about each other. He’ll appreciate your honesty and your friendship will continue even stronger. If he has a problem with your feelings, you won’t have lost anything as you were prepared to give up the friendship wholesale anyway. But if it’s in the cards that your friendship end, it’s most fair to both of you that it end on an honest note.
Think about it. How would you feel if someone you thought was a friend just suddenly stopped calling/hanging out/etc. and didn’t respect you enough to tell you why? That wouldn’t be fair to you, and it wouldn’t be fair to him for you to do likewise. He accepts you as a gay man. I’m pretty sure that your finding him deeply attractive won’t come as a surprise.
The problem is lack of respect!!!!!!! This is one of the many reasons we can’t get respect! Because so many gay men can’t be respectful of the fact that someone is heterosexual. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard straight to bed, totally disgusting!!!! You are going to dump a good friend because you can’t control you emotions. You knew he was straight, that’s when you should should shut it down, you could not be respectful so now you have probably lost a good friend!
I often ignore men who hit on me no matter how fine or handsome they look to me. If they’re not fem, smooth and have some female feature I’m turned off. That femlook gets me going especially if the voice is soft.
Know where to draw the line. You fell for this guy and only have to blame yourself because you have not drawn the parameters. I have a lot of straight friends but dont hit on them.
I have been in this situation. When I was 20 I met my best friend. He was gorgeous to me. Light bluish-green eyes, soft brown hair, and a personality that attracted me instantly. It was hard not to fall in love with him. I thought he was gay when I first met him. Sadly for me, he was not gay, not even in the slightest. We became college roommates for the entire time we were in college. Needless to say, my feeling for him deepend. In our last semester in college together, he finally met a girl. It tore me apart watching her have the man I wanted. Hearing them moan together when they would have sex. I got so very jealous. We never spoke of it, but he knew how I felt about him. Unspoken words that friends just know how you feel. But him finding a lover was exactly what I needed to break that hold he had over me. Here us it 11 year later, he is married working on a PhD, and I’m happy seeing a guy for a several months now and ready to take it to the next level in terms of a relationship. Point is, find a way to move on and break his hold he has on you. It is hard, but it is doable. And some time apart never hurt anyone. Good luck!
I met this Str8 guy name Q. I was attached to the minute I laid eyes on him but never told him nor have I ever discussed my sexuality with him. I thought since I never spoke of a girlfriend nor has he ever seem me with one that he knew. But 3 years into our friendship he brought one of his girlfriends over to meet me because she wanted some information about getting a job at the University where I work. I found out that she told him that she believed I was gay. So I told him yes I was gay and that I had a crush on him for the past 3 yrs. He stated he had no ideal, he admitted that he is str8 and the only way he would fuck another guy is if he goes to jail and he is the TOP, he also admitted to accidentally watching a gay porn scene and we would have a problem with fucking another guy because he can;t see himself fucking someone with face and body hair. I told him that I have dream of him making love to me and he told me that if he ever decide to have a homo experience it would be with me as he thinks I am a nice looking guy. To this day he is a good friend, he is a construction worker who fix this around my apartment whenever I call or need him. Sometime he doggie sit for me when I go on business trips. Its hard for me not to have fallen in love with him. He knows I like him alot. I feel that he has feelings for me too, but I wont; make a move on him because I don;t want to lose our friendship. He even asked me about letting him move in as my roommate. i told him if he really gets to a place where he needs a place to stay, he is welcome, but I did tell him that it would be hard for me to live with him and not want to have sex with him. I told him that oneday I wake up in the morning and see you still asleep with an morning erection and you might wake up to me sucking your dick. He laugh and said yes I do wake up ever morning with a hard on. I am gay and I want him, He is str8 and I feel he want to experience with me, but we are just friends. When he does see me with other guys he seem a little jealous and when he talks about the girls he fucked I get jealous. This is my current situation with my str8 friend Q
I’ve had to experiences with straight guys. One was my best friend , we’d hang out constantly and even shared a bed, until one day he asked me if I could suck him off. I did and it was the end of our friendship. The other kept testing me, joked constantly about being my boyfriend, I ignored it he got bolder. I did him and it destroyed the friendship.
I love the the duality and denial and twisted meanings.. I say, be truthful to yourself.. in every moment.. truth is.. everything you do is not about getting with him or being jealous. its about taking a stance.. and sticking by what you feel to be… it might seem small now.. but it plays a larger part down the road in who you become in future situations like this.. history has a way of poppin up anytime.. deal with it.. like you have nothing to lose..