Dating: Five Ways To Get Back Into Dating
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Heartbreak is never easy, and getting back on the dating saddle, so to speak, can be both exhilarating and arduous. There’s the excitement of getting back out there and meeting someone new, but also the fear and nervousness of having to get used once again to the dating scene once again — especially if a lot has changed since you were last in it.
If you’ve spent the past year nursing a broken heart and are looking to get back into the dating game once again, here are five tips we think will help ease you back in.
1. Make sure that this is what you really, really want
Don’t push yourself if you know in your heart that you’re still nursing wounds from your last relationship. Cry if you need to, or binge-watch romantic movies if you feel that will help. You don’t need to go on a date every single night. What you need is the confidence to go out there and meet somebody new.
2. Go on a dating app
If you’re looking to just dip your toes into the dating scene, there’s no better way to do it than with a dating app. Your interactions start out virtually, with no face-to-face interaction, so there’s no need to clean yourself up if you’re not in the mood for it just yet. If you get rejected or ghosted, there’s the comfort of not having it happen face-to-face. And if you end up being successful? You might even gain enough confidence to go on a face-to-face date!
Use the new Adam4Adam Radar App! Our new app has a sleek new aesthetic, an optimized user interface, and improved additional features. You can even use the the filters for “Sexual Orientation”, “Sexual Position”, or even “Communities” to search for someone really specific.
3. Get a dating scene update from your friends
Look for friends that are just like you — single and ready to mingle. If they’ve been in the dating scene longer than you, ask them what to expect now that you’re trying to get back in. Maybe you can ask them if there are any new places to meet other single people, or ask them for advice on what kind of dates you should have lined up.
4. Remind yourself that you’re hot
A break up can leave you feeling crushed, and sometimes you need to remember you were attractive before you got your heart broken. If you need a new haircut, a new wardrobe, or a return to the gym to remind yourself of that, then go ahead!
5. Take it slow
Your first date doesn’t need to immediately be The One. In fact, your first date could suck, and not in a good way. Your first date could also turn out to be great, but that doesn’t mean you need to dive headfirst into a relationship right after. Take your time, go on other dates, and really get to know all of the new people you are meeting.
Do any of you Adam4Adam blog readers have any advice for guys looking to get back into the dating scene this new year? Share it with us in the comments section below!
1. Know whether you want to have sex or to date because you may need two men.
2. Having sex does not mean you are a couple. It means that you had sex.
3. If you’re dating in the same turn-em-and-burn-em clubs you were previously in then you’re getting turned and burned next.
4. Don’t do drama.
5. Don’t cling.
6. For the love of God come down from there ether (poppers??) and approach dating with logic and mindfulness rather than approaching it with your heart.
7. Don’t feel too easily. Some guys fall in love in minutes…um no.
8. Do not disrespect your ex or vilify him. Say only positive things even if he’s trashing you.
The 4th tip most important. I believe that if you can’t accept or love yourself then it would be difficult for another person to care and love you as well. Self love!!
I’m older white gentleman… I met this young guy in Memphis, he was cute, well built, handsome, he was very friendly with me…flirting with me…but I was old enough to be his daddy… I flirted back with him but kept my distance…after some time passed we became casual friends… finally one night he joined me in my truck just talking.. he moved over close to me and I kind of backed off…..he looked at me so very serious.. why do you keep pushing me away..I like you…I would like to date you…he looked so handsome..but so young,,,I grinned at him. I’ve got underwear old as you… he laughed, you think that matters, he took my hand and laced it on his big package..I could feel his big dick inside his jeans growing bigger and harder.. I lost all control. we were in each other arms kissing and hugging tearing off each others clothes… he took me right there in my truck… we have a date again tonight… I can’t wait for him to get here.. He always want’s to have sex before we go out…. I love him more than any man I have ever been with..
Enjoy the sex. Many guys go with the sex first and then discover a relationship, but I stay the hell away from those who want to build a relationship without sex.
Great story, Bill! Good for you.
I call bs on this story
Oh, Bill, I’ve had an experience very similar to yours. It’s rare when a younger guy comes on to an older man. The first time we met it was an instant match. The kissing was magnificent. The rest came so naturally. It was like we were soul mates if there is such a thing. He surprised me after we had been together several times by saying, “I love you.” I’ve been with a lot of guys but none ever said that to me. The sad part is he had to move away for his job. He spoiled me and I’m still trying to find someone like him. Good luck, Bill. I envy you.
Be confident, once you love yourself, company becomes a option. Then take it from there.
Over several years, after their break ups with partners they thought were “it”, three of my friends said “I’m done looking. I’m done trying to make something happen. I’m just going to go about my everyday life and if someone comes along, so be it.”
“The dating scene”, “the dating game”, “back in the saddle” … all how dating has been described in the blog and over time. That last one, “back in the saddle, sounds particularly painful“. “The dating scene” sounds like something exciting and mysterious, a place where you never might know who or what is going to come along next. The outcome often isn’t so good.
One of these friends is gay and a member of A4A. The other two are straight. They all found partners after a number of l months and are all to this day in the first relationships they found.
What didn’t they do? They swore off dating sites:
-Referring to them as “meat markets”, “places to find hook ups”, and places where individuals were looking for short term, fast fixes for their sexual gratification.
-Because they understood that sites quickly encourage the determination of who may NOT be a good match instead of who may be a good match. Individuals go in looking for someone who meets their list of “wants”, MUST haves.
-Because they encourage a “next player” mentality. Searchers become adept at “moving on” the moment “the going gets tough” … in ANY way.
What did they do? They chose to:
-Not be part of the “scene”, the “game”, the “back in the saddle” mentality.
-Stop being “relationship-desperate”, to stop churning to find the “perfect” mate.
-Spend more time getting to know someone before jumping into “the first date”.
-Be themselves. Offer who they were upfront, which was easy to continue.
-Get to know people they’d meet through business, social, and family contacts on a casual “as it happens” basis.
-Stop trying to force an issue which is “happenstance”.
It’s been several years for all of the couples. There’s no indication yet that that will change any time soon.
And, yes, I found my decades long “perfect” the same way … when I wasn’t looking.
That sounds great and all (and a tad arrogant) but I would counter that in order to meet someone when one “isn’t looking” you still have to be out somewhere doing something. There’s nothing wrong with being on dating sites. There are a lot of guys on them, good and bad. As long as you stick to your intentions you’ll get what you want. When you need a job you go out and look for it, don’t you? You don’t wait for one to come. Dating is also a game of numbers. You won’t get many choices if you’re not actively being social in some way and interacting with men.
I been in two LTRs. One I met after a night out at a pizza joint and the other on a hookup. Both lasted over 4 years.
The best advice is just be yourself in any situation and be patient especially when you do like someone. Let things develop and enjoy the time you spend together. There will be a moment to define the relationship and you will know when that time comes. Good luck everyone.