Capture d’écran, le 2018-12-22 à 10.09.49

Holidays: Five Holiday Survival Tips For LGBTQ People

For most people, the holidays are a time to reunite with family and look back at the year that was. But for LGBTQ folks, the holidays can be a really stressful time of the year, especially if their family wasn’t particularly welcoming or supportive when they came out.

If you’re a member of the community that finds the holidays particularly stressful — especially now that Christmas is literally a day or hours away, depending on where you are in the world as you’re reading this — don’t worry. Here’s our five tips for you to survive the holidays. 

1. It’s okay to not go back to your family, especially if they’re homophobic

Yes, we always get told that the holidays are for family, but maybe those people haven’t had their family throw them out of the house, disown them, or even be violent towards them. Going back to that just because it’s tradition isn’t healthy, and might even be unsafe from some people. Spend your holidays with the people who love, no matter your sexual orientation or gender identity.

2. Always keep in contact with the people who love you if you have to go home

If going back to a homophobic family is something you can’t avoid, then always make sure that you have a friend you can reach out to if things get too intense. They may not be able to get you out of there, but at the very least you’re going to have someone commiserating with you and helping you get through the ordeal.

3. Be in a fighting mood

If it’s safe for you to speak out, then feel free to do it during Christmas dinner. Tell your family that their homophobic beliefs are wrong and even harmful. If they’re going to make your holidays miserable, they might as well have a taste of their own medicine. But of course, all of this depends on whether it is safe for you to do so, or if you can handle all the fighting. Otherwise, it may be best to just grin and bear it.

4. Party your way

If you’re fortunate enough to be spending Christmas with your chosen family, congratulations! And in much the same way that you’ve chosen this new family, you can also choose to celebrate Christmas the way you and your friends want to. Who says you can’t spend Christmas at a drag show, or singing showtunes at a karaoke?

5. Do nothing

If all Christmas is to you is a collection of stress and painful memories, then don’t bother celebrating it at all. Treat it as you would any other day. If you’ve been itching to binge-watch something on Netflix, now’s would be the best time to do it.

Adam4Adam readers, do you have any other tips and tricks you can share to survive the holidays? Feel free to share them in the comments section below!

There are 11 comments

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  1. Matt

    #6 Don’t live as an intolerant, bullying #SJW just to advance your politics.

    Tolerance goes both ways. Tolerance is NOT acceptance. Tolerance is letting it be. Being triggered, loud, and strident in one’s politics is intolerant and bullying behavior. I’m never “in your face” about my sexuality with my family because I respect them. They don’t understand “gay” but they are “meh” about it when all is said and done, so I don’t need to act like a scratchy STD rash they have to put up with.

  2. gregbpa

    I always fix my traditional Christmas meal of beef tenderloin, mashed potatoes, cauliflower salad, fruit salad, and some kind of dessert – all while playing Christmas carols at a disturbingly loud volume to cover my own caterwalling : )…..I sit down to a great meal, package up all the leftovers and deliver them to my wonderful neighbors : )

    • Gerry

      I totally agree. Each individual needs to evaluate their own family situation, but above all be an adult and recognize the Christmas holidays are for everyone. There is NO reason sexuality needs to be any part of it. The world is about dealing with all kinds of people… an example, not an excuse. I (gay,not out) will be at a family gathering where my nephew is bringing his new partner to meet the family for the first time. He will be treated as a welcome guest even by family members who can be homiphbic.

  3. Hunter0500

    “It all Christmas is to you is a collection of stress and painful memories, then don’t bother celebrating it at all. Treat it as you would any other day.”

    No. No! NO! How misery-making!

    Christmas is what you make of it. Not some magical time you’re entitled to. Its not “just another day” that you can be a miserable victim about. If yours sucks, get on the road to fixing it!

    Maybe you volunteer serving a meal at a shelter. Maybe cover work hours for a coworker who wishes to head out of town. Maybe work for Uber (or similar) getting people where they wish to be. Maybe seek out someone who’s also alone and make a meal or eat out and then take in a movie or some other event. Maybe find a charity to support financially or with hours.

    Then when that’s done, treat yourself to something you can afford.

    Next year decide what worked that you’ll do again wnd find other possible new traditions to try.

    The last thing you should do is “treat it like any other day” being alone and a replication of self-fueling misery. You deserve more than that. You owe it to yourself.

    A “picture perfect” Christmas doesn’t just happen. Even those that have them MAKE them happen through hours of work over years of effort.

    Get to work. It’s your life.

  4. Timothy

    I was lucky that my family was accepting of me being gay. My mother especially. I would usually have to work christmas morning, then get off of work and drive 2.5 hours to be with my family. Now that my mom has passed, I host christmas at my house. May not be with my immediate family, because of distance, but I have friends over and some coworkers. Huge traditional dinner, wine, and lots of fun. And I make it a point that, anyone who comes to my house for christmas has a stocking on the fireplace mantel and at least 1 present under the tree.

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