#MeToo Adam4Adam

Speak Out: LGBT Community and Sexual Violence 

“Was I raped?” Sometimes the question will change to “Did I get raped?” However way they phrase it, the message is loud and clear and I don’t know which is more alarming and sad: the fact that gay men had to ask this or that this question is asked way too often online.

But yes, statistics say men do get raped and that gay men and the LGBT community in general is more likely to experience sexual violence. In fact, a study conducted by CDC’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) in 2010 revealed that:

  • 26 percent of gay men, 37 percent of bisexual men, and 29 percent of heterosexual men experience rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner at some point in their lifetime. 
  • 40 percent of gay men, 47 percent of bisexual men, and 21 percent of heterosexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape in their lifetime. According to NISVS, this translates into nearly 1.1 million gay men, 903,000 bisexual men, and 21.6 million heterosexual men. You can read the study in detail here.

That being said, how can gay men not know they were raped? Some say it’s because “people associate rape with violence and if the rape wasn’t violent, then it wasn’t actually rape.” 

But how do you define rape in the first place? The law’s definition of rape is long and it varies from country to country and as in the United States, from state to state. You may read the definition here in full including that of sexual assault but essentially, rape is defined as committing a sexual act upon another person with the use of force or threats or without the knowledge or consent of that person. Consent is important, so much that in New South Wales, there’s a law that says if you want to have sex you have to ask for it. In return, you must get a verbal YES reply from your partner otherwise it could be rape.  

Keep safe always, guys, and do keep in mind at all times our dating safety tips which you can find here.

Lastly, if you or anyone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted, here are some LGBTQ-friendly resources:

  • the Network la Red: provides emotional support, information, and safety planning for lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer and/or transgender folks, BDSM or Polyamorous survivors or abuse. Support available in English and Spanish. Hotline: 617.742.4911
  • Let’s Talk About It: A Transgender Survivor’s Guide to Accessing Therapy
  • National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs: offers support for LGBT and HIV/AIDS survivors of violence/harassment, domestic violence, sexual assault, police misconduct and other forms of victimization. The organization provides various services such as immediate crisis counseling and safety planning, and legal services. Call 24-Hour English/Spanish Hotline: 212.714.1141
  • FORGE (For Ourselves: Reworking Gender Expression) Provides services to transgender, gender non-conforming and gender non-binary survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. 
  • National Sexual Assault Hotline – has trained support specialists that can offer support, information, and referral to a local rape crisis center. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) 24/7 or Online Counseling.

There are 8 comments

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  1. Matt

    When our daughters are sexually molested or the women in our lives experience a sexual battery it’s a federal case, but when it happens to our sons and the men in our lives, they are supposed to be big boys and suck it up.

    There is a decided double standard.

    We should treat all sexual violence with the same level of attention.

    BUT we also have to stop the fake #MeToo piling on for the sake of an Instagram moment or crying rape to slander someone in public. We should not #BelieveWomen or even #BelieveMen for that matter because that is politics that victimizes the victims further.

    We need politics out of this conversation because sexual battery is real and we need to stop using victims as pawns.

    • Paul2

      I am proud of the #MeToo movememnt becuse women, and some men, finally found their voice. Sexual battery is real and each victim needs to be able to tell their story. The fact that white men don’t believe them says more about white men than it do the survivors. I survived sexual battery and I have never told anyone. If I had told anyone would I have been viewed as a “pawn”?

  2. Hunter4B

    I see a tremendous amount of commentary (some direct on profile, much in the DMs between individuals) that say some variation of: ‘come rape my ass’
    So, starting there, it is no wonder the percentage of gay men reporting rape is significantly lower than the other reported data above. If you are looking for rough or punishing sex, then of course you probably wont perceive that sex as rape. I guess my concern would be for those who are used to ‘taking sex’ and don’t realize they are with someone new, or of the ‘vanilla’ persuasion.
    The comments I have read here in the blogs often dishearten me, many guys share experiences which seem to not be clear if they wanted to be in the situation, or if they were forced. One instance I have read is definitely the same, however, it was shared once as an exciting first experience, and then turned into a reoccurring abuse. In the other two blogs it was clear the impact it had on the person. I fully support those who hold fantasies, and want to play them through, but definitely I encourage everyone to be clear on boundaries, because clearly, this is one situation that could get wildly out of the perception of control. Rape is a crime, and rarely is it sexual, most often it is a crime of power, meant to make the victim powerless and thereby less than human, so very sad

  3. Casper

    Rape, in effect, is ‘forcible penetration’. It is no more particular to men than it is to women: we can all be raped.

    Characteristically, rape is ‘ascribed’ to women because women ‘accommodate’ whereas men ‘penetrate’. Hence, historically and statistically, rape is the outcome of violent aggression.

    However, historically and statistically, ‘buggery’ is ascribed to male. Buggery is male rape as usually associated with sailors, either on ship or on land. Buggery was notorious within the ‘English Private Schools’ such as Eton; Oxford; Trinity, et el. Read the ‘Eton’ sex trials during the last decade of the 19th Century.

    Gays, in particular, are raped because of the cultural assessment that ‘putting a pole up the hole’, is feminine of the male and ‘Homosexuals’ are less than males, and so, Homosexuals get raped.

    However, painful as it is, women are raped infinitely more times than males.

    • Dave

      Thanks Richard, it’s always great to read comments like yours, if you would see the comments I had to delete saying that bottoms are sluts to be abused and things like that…. #sad

  4. Andrew

    I was sexually assaulted in early 2017. It began as consensual but things went sideways and I ended up being pinned down under his weight, unable to breathe and struggling to get free…which I finally did by using my whole body to push him off me while I slid backward and off the bed. Took me a while to understand what had happened as I kept playing it back and forth in my head…I told a friend and they just said, “you were sexually assaulted”. Shitty feeling and now I have trust issues and find it near impossible to even try to meet anyone as I just don’t trust anyone anymore.

  5. Hunter0500

    The survey didn’t get into how well the sex partners knew each other. Gays’ practice of regular hook ups with random strangers, as well as the use of drugs/or alcohol when on the prowl, have to be contributing factors to rape, or abuse, or being over used (whatever we want to call it here). Especially since there’s often minimal discussion about what the sexual experience is going to be.

    While there is NO excuse for rape, there’s also NO excuse for anyone putting themselves in harm’s way.

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