Capture d’écran, le 2018-11-26 à 12.24.33

Speak Out: Have You Been Typecast Into A Sexual Role?

Image credit: Joshua McKnight from Pexels

Whether we want to admit it or not, we’ve all been a little guilty of a little stereotyping when it comes to our sexual partners. At first sight, we’re liable to label someone a top or a bottom without knowing anything else about them.

Understandably, it can get a little frustrating for the people being typecast, as evidenced by a post on the subreddit r/askgaybros. User majoraswhore shares the sexual role stereotyping he’s received as a black man.

He writes: “As a black guy, I’m almost always expected to be a top. I’m really vers and enjoy the going back and forth. I’m black and for non-black guys, I’m almost always expected to be the top. With black guys I’m expected to be the bottom. Initially I thought I was a bottom, but now I’ve been slowly becoming a top.”

Some of the responses echo the same frustration. User cman999, for instance, says it can get annoying. He writes: “ I am a pretty “masculine” acting/looking guy if you want to use that term. Am also fairly fit and well muscled. Most people just presume I want to top. I mean I am pretty vers so I don’t really mind but it can get a bit annoying.”

He continues: “Not a huge fan of people without asking or without any prompting telling me how excited they are to bottom for me or whatever it’s usually a turn-off and I am just like ‘yea… sure.’”

User NerdyDan adds: “Asian dudes are expected to be sub bottoms and nothing else. I make it pretty clear that I am versatile and I am a power bottom when I do bottom.”

Adam4Adam has a pretty diverse group of users, and for good or bad we may hold some stereotypes about what sexual roles they take on. Have any of you Adam4Adam blog readers experienced this sexual role typecasting? How did you react to it? Has it ever turned you off? Share your thoughts and stories with us in the comments section below!

There are 16 comments

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  1. john b

    Not all bearded beefy guys are bears. “I’m not a bear. I’m just drawn that way.” is what I say when someone refers to me as a bear. Being a bear comes with a lifestyle that’s unhealthy for me.

  2. Casper

    As a male who is 5′ 6″ at 140 lbs., and lean, I’m deemed ‘bottom’. I do not bottom or do I top. I have no interest in anal sex, whatsoever; therefore, beyond being stereotyped, I am dismissed, too.

    On A4A, I get contacted by males who tower over me and or who would crush me. I attract males who are 6″ taller or more or 60 – 80+ heavier than I. All of whom who contact me think that I subscribe to the adage: “Opposites Attract Each Other”.

    My bed is twin and I am short and lean…thus, appropriate for my bed’s size and girth. Actually, I much prefer males around my height and weight but who seem to prefer the males who are attracted to me.

    Also, because I am 54, I get those who are looking for a ‘daddy’ or who think that I would necessarily be attracted to much younger guys.

    In the end, I grin and bare it!

  3. buz

    I’m not sure that it’s type casting. Being older I find most guys want to get anal and are always willing to give me a blow job. I can always find someone who wants to suck cock.
    Of course who doesn’t.
    But the guys who just want you to fuck them mostly don’t do much more. I spend most of our time together trying to get his butt away from my cock. I don’t mind and would prefer fucking someone to getting fucked but there’s a lot to do in between. I tend to stay away from the terms top/bottom don’t want to describe myself by sexual position. Plus the role you are depends on the other person and how you connect.
    Top and bottom has a whole lot more to do with attitude and control then whose butt gets invaded. Come on guys we are men let’s treat ourselves like men whether giving or receiving.
    We typecast ourselves by using those terms and staying in those roles.

  4. Franz

    fact is 70% of gay men are bottoms it has nothing to do with race,
    flip/flop versatile keeps man on man happy–no need to role play.

  5. Hunter0500

    Glad that most of the guys I have looked to connect with, or who have hit me up, have profiles that are pretty clear about what they’re looking for. We owe it to each other to manage expectations and to discuss ahead of time what we each understand and expect. I have so far avoided in-bed or bare-naked surprises. Have had some close calls, however, when because of discussion I have uncovered untruths or undisclosed desires by guys which make a meeting a no go. Most often, the parting has been amicable. Not always unfortunately. I have never, however, stereotyped or labelled guys in advance based upon a stereotype or a lack of information. Why would anyone push that on anyone else without discussion and verification? How self-center can guys be?

  6. Darryl

    We all are sometimes placed in a sexual stereotype and oftentimes put others in one as well. Do the fit? well honestly they do for some, and the surprising thing is we gay people never seem to fit the mold. We chart our own path, and sexually we decide who we are attracted to. Finding out what turns us on was a well thought out discovery process, and now we can act apon who we want to have sex with. So judging a book by its cover only makes the actual story untold. I know I want to read it cover, to under the covers.

  7. Dee

    I’m 6ft, 190lbs, black and a bottom. All of this is clearly started on all of my profile, pics too. I cannot tell you how many white bottoms think they can show me a pink hole and say BBC and Everything is going to change…

  8. Matt

    I have a thick 10 inch cock so I am typecast as promiscuous, always a top, only a big cock and nothing more. Gay men are the biggest bunch of hypocrites, shamers (sic), bullies, and bigots I have ever seen. They are attracted to the stereotype and want to keep things shallow and even that might be too deep for them. If I’m attracted to a man, his cock size, weight, or ethnicity means nothing and if I am not attracted cock size, weight, or ethnicity cannot change that.

    • bjjj

      Matt, you are much more than a top with a big cock. You are a human being with feelings, needs, wants, talents, and a life to live to the fullest. I’m sure your needs, abilities, talents go far beyond and are much more important than the size of your cock or sexual desires. It’s horrible that people typecast you as promiscuous, or just think of you as a sex object as a top with a large dick. Cock size is only a small part of any kind of relationship, be it gay or straight, top or bottom. What matters is attraction, love, caring for each other, and it should have nothing to do with cock size. I also agree that size, looks, nationality or race have very little to do with the care and attraction to another person. If two guys hit it off, so be it, and if others don’t like it, it’s their problem, not yours. If I were to meet you, I would care about you as a person, and it would have nothing to do with what type of tool your packing in your underwear. Being gay goes far beyond the sexual realm. Everyone on this earth is a very unique worthwhile individual, including you.

  9. R-L-S

    Well… as a black man, I too am stereotyped into being a Top. I must say I am in fact a Top, so the stereotype does not bother me at all, .
    There are on occasion that a few guys ask am I a bottom.. my response is, I’m a Top.
    Then there are some younger guys who like to call me “Daddy”. Sometimes it annoys me, other times, it puts a smile on my face. I am 50, so I guess you can say I am slowly accepting my “Daddy” status, lol.
    Ooh, and there’s the “wanting/fantasy to have sex with a black guy”… Its all good on my part, I see all of this as a huge compliment .

    • bjjj

      Yea, very true, that most guys (especially white guys) feel that all black guys are tops because they are portrayed as having large cocks. You and I know that not all blacks have large cocks, and not all white guys are bottoms. But it is stereotyped that way especially in the porn industry.
      I am older than you, and I also get called “daddy” and even sometimes “Grandpa”. Makes me feel old, but after all we just need to laugh it off. I wouldn’t worry too much about the “daddy” thing, as I’m sure your very nice, and have a lot of life experiences under your belt. Actually look at it as a good thing. I also agree that white guys in general have a fantasy and a challenge to get it on with a black guy, And yes mostly the white guys want to be fucked by a BBC. But maybe I’m weird. I am white and my BF, best friend, lover, is black, but I have never looked at our relationship as a challenge at all. I guess you would call both of us tops, as neither of us do much anal. But sex isn’t the main thing in our relationship. Yes, were both gay, but mainly were there for each other. We lift each other up emotionally, spiritually, and help each other out where and when ever we can. We do all kinds of things together, and the black/white issue doesn’t even concern us. Others may thing were strange, being were both gay, and interracial, but so what. Were both decent, loving, and caring human beings, that just really enjoy each other.

  10. Lamar

    Great subject. As an African Amer., male being in the stratosphere of height, smooth-lean kinda boyish, pretty or androgynous appearing in my youth; yeah, in more ways than the average.

    I walk-talk, carry myself in reasonably masculine manner and have a pretty deep voice on top of it…

    At first, they tried to lump me in with the drag queen-crowd, nope, don’t do drag though; hell, I even thought for awhile, maybe that’s me. As I got older, maybe a little rougher around the edges; the”big black buck” thing, where I had more wht- decidedly effeminate bottoms comin’ at me than you can imagine! I didn’t/don’t get too many bro’s categorizing me one way or the other. And you can just imagine the whole “do you play basketball thing,” lol.

    I was, that “big black buck” thing for awhile, until I realized a few things, I’m allowing this to happen, thus, allowing myself to be a (tool) used, how ignorant is that! There’s a much larger
    picture here, within that “ah-ha” realization, period, as I don’t have to fit into anyone’s
    stereotypical view of ‘who’ I am sexually or otherwise.

    I don’t have anal-sex anymore for a few reasons, doesn’t mean that I never will as I’m not likely to bottom as I’ve tried it twice decades ago. I just prefer to be in a monogamous relationship; save/withhold something for that special man, whom also, would find me to a keeper. Otherwise, I’m not top or bottom but, flexible in all other forms of sex.

  11. Rawblkbtmnyc

    It’s sad because I’ve been pushed into being vers at 43 years old all because I’m 6’5” – was happy being a total power btm, and then now people want to flip flop. Ugh

  12. bjjj

    Seems as if everyone is saying that black men are stereotyped to be tops as many of them have big cocks. I’ve seen big cocks on both black and white guys, as well of smaller cocks on both races. Also most (but no all) Hispanic and Asian cocks are average but usually uncut. I am white and my BF is black and his cock is just average, which is fine with me. I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  13. ImrealRU

    I’ve been Labled as a ” Leather Sir” Just because I wore Leather once…. I’m a T shirt and Jeans kinda guy mostly. Except in the summer Shorts & Tank top. I do wear leather on my Motorcycle for safety, When I do I get called SIR by a lot of the younger guys, ( in their 20s)

    Don’t ya just love assumptions 😀

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