Sexuality: Men Reveal Having Unwanted Sex with Women
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Would you have an unwanted sex with a woman? We are asking because a study revealed that yes, more and more heterosexual men are having unwanted, nonconsensual sex with women mainly because of pressure. They feared saying “no” would be “strange, immature, offensive, or emasculating.” Moreover, these men were afraid of the consequence of saying no to sex with attractive women, they fear they would be viewed as a “virgin,” an “idiot,” or “gay.”
The research, titled “Going with the Flow”: How College Men’s Experiences of Unwanted Sex Are Produced by Gendered Interactional Pressures was conducted by Jessie V. Ford, a Doctoral Student in Sociology at New York University. In this study, she examined the sex lives of thirty-nine straight men of different ethnicities specifically their experiences on unwanted sex in college. You may read the paper in full at Oxford Academic.
Ford revealed that her study was prompted by the #MeToo Movement and the “lack of male voices coming forward to talk about their experiences.” Further, she said that it’s “important to understand how and why it happens.”
But what does it mean to have unwanted or nonconsensual sex?
The author clarified that there is a huge difference between “unwanted sex” and “assault.” Unwanted sex means making a choice to have sex when they could have chosen to stop it or to say no. Sexual assault or rape on the other hand, means that “the sex is both unwanted and forced.” Ford said, “All sexual assault is unwanted sex, but not all unwanted sex is sexual assault.” Participants of her study, Ford explained, could have stopped the sexual encounter but chose not to because of the reasons cited above and some of them even said “thank you” to their partner afterward.
But this study is about straight men. How about you, guys? Have you ever had an unwanted or nonconsensual sex with a woman? If so, why? If not, would you ever do it when faced with pressure or would you choose to say no? Sound off in the comments section below.
Straight women are incapable of relationships because the feminist gestapo has told them that men are only good for their sperm nozzles and lucrative divorce material. Straight men are becoming more and more disgusted with drama bitch women, who bully and emasculate them sexually because that’s was a good feminist woman does. #BitchPlease
Thank you for your ubiquitous intolerance, bullying, cursing, stereotyping, & negativity!
And thank you for you kiss-up, apologist, fake outrage.
LOL, no apologies, and nothing fake in my comment MATT; I’m using simple logic based on your repeated examples on Blogs. What was your comment based on?
Go back FOUR years, you are one of the few people that continually makes generalized, over the top comments about entire groups. Saying “STRAIGHT WOMEN/STRAIGHT MEN, think or do” IS a mistaken belief, ONE based on an unsound argument and formulated SOLELY on YOUR OPINION, AGAIN. The ONLY difference is you get called out a lot more, however, I refuse to sit idly by, while you say such stereotypical things (unless you now speak for all LGBT people AND straight women AND men, LOL). READ YOUR COMMENT AGAIN, don’t project your outrage on me, #BP!
No matter what the article, you have something nasty to say. Matt, please, talk to your doctor or therapist. It may be time to change a medication or try a new approach. A normal human being isn’t always so negative and confrontational. Be some help — or better help.
Truth is truth. Feminism is a hoax.
Not all women are feminists.
You are disgusting to assault someone like that for having an opinion. People like him are interesting, but people like you are nasty and a complete bore.
Feminism is a gigantic lie, a hoax. Because of Feminism, birthrates are dropping to zero.
The author of this study made a small step toward the truth, but she still tried to shade it in women’s favor by denying that men can be raped as easily as women. She seems to think that getting an erection means it’s okay.
Um, let me think about this . . .
Yup. I was just assaulted for having an opinion.
(( Hands Luigi a mirror. ))
No, what is disgusting is the LACK of intelligent discussion here! Take a freaking class or two, and learn that there are multiples factors exerting forces on birth rates. World-wide, many societies are in ‘BR’ decline [but certainly NOT zero! World population has NEVER been greater than our current 7.6 billion people, and still growing] due to economic strife and hardships, (and yes women entering the work markets and delaying child bearing years), but THAT is NOT necessarily due to “feminism.” And I am a feminist, so what does my belief that women are equal to men have to do with the silly notion, that feminism is a hoax? Just because I advocate for women’s rights, like many women do too, where is the proof these women [and men] see straight men as “sperm nozzles and lucrative divorce material”? I could say as more men become gay, birth rates drop, but that is as erroneous as your primary argument (and plenty of LGBT people have biological children). HE (and YOU) are not spewing TRUTH, you are spinning OPINION, which is fine, so long as you don’t sell it as fact, because MEN are definitely capable of saying NO, even if societal norms make them feel uncomfortable saying so. No feminist ideology claims nonconsensual or forced sex as a basic or integral belief of FEMINISM, and thus extrapolating that belief to ALL “straight women” is a fallacy!
While bordering on being unpolitic, I personally found nothing wrong with Matt’s comments.
While some here might find objections with his content, we should ALL respect his right to have and express his thoughts.
Hell this is news? I have known this for years! Geez!!!!
No. Hell no. have never bowed down to pressure, even to a gorgeous woman. Made sure to understand her unwanted advances, though and incessant pressures. And always said graciously , “no, I am not doing that for you. I may be bisexual to you. I think I’m gay. So you’ll have to understand. I have never put pressure on any woman… etc.” So my first partner had an awful marriage several years before we met. But our brief relationship was rare and loving, even for most gay couple, they thought we were perfect for each other. But No way, guys come on, even you straighter than nails and heterosexuals stop fucking around just because of the teen-peer pressure. Damn. Actually bwahahaha lol
At the end of my last (female) relationship, we were both in school, I was working two jobs and going to class, and she was working three jobs and on her third MA … so there was not a lot of ‘time’ for US. When you crash in bed, you just want to sleep. Then, the sex goes away quickly. I realized it was a bit liberating to no longer pursue that goal. Finally, holiday season, she realizes that it’s been months and starts pushing for us … and It’s so awkward when you realize it is dead and you don’t want to try anymore, and worse when the other person doesn’t know it is dead yet …
So, yeah, we ended up having awkward unwanted sex, which made me feel bad because I literally was a robot going through the motions, and yeah, she totally realized it in that moment too. The year before we were talking marriage, and then she started getting bossy and TELLING me how things were gonna be; then a year later it was evident I had moved on. It was sad, and a relief at the same time …
Yes. I have. It happed once in college. It was the only time. And although it is a different experience, the shadow of vehemently saying no and it happening anyway because we can’t fight women adds a permanent barrier between me and sex with women in the future.
I’m one of those vgl dl mixed black guys so, I could be paired with a very beautiful and educated woman by the end of the month and be set for a couple years, without doubt. So, under the last military-police style administration when men’s rights were made inferior to women’s rights, the pull to transform gays was both high and aggressive. Not to mention, the females couldn’t smell them on me so, they tried to fix it forcibly. If a straight man tried to do the same, he’d be cited for sexual assault and would have to register as a sexual predator. But, guys just can’t resist sex with women and should thank women for their sex even when it’s unwanted, right? No.
I’m very displeased with my first and highly unwanted sex with a female at at age of 27/28 — said because if you make it to 27 without sex with a woman as a man… you’ve probably worked hard to avoid it. It doesn’t matter now. All that comes with it is an intense physical feeling and an indebtedness that feels like slavery — not to mention a baby scare, if you don’t pull out or backflip.
It was a forced sample that was the exact opposite of an advertisement and although I can understand straight porn now — on silent — the interest in physical sex with women has been castrated.
I feel women should avoid making men have unwanted sex with men who identify as gay altogether and straight men who have unwanted sex should be understood as being victims of an unfair perception of the irresistibly of vaginal intercourse. It’s overpriced and emasculating.
Oh good god!…. I don’t care what your orientation is, if you’re in a situation to be spontaneously seduced by anyone where clothes start coming off you need the whits about you to ask the simple questions:
“How did I get here?”
“Am I sober (clear minded)”
“Are we being safe (condoms, dental dams, etc… which kills the spontaneity)”
Most importantly…
“Is my attorney better than theirs”
My story is about forced same sex, sex…. when I was in my early 20, I would go to a Porn video store neat my house… I used like to love sucking dick thru the glory holes… sometimes I’d leave my door unlock and guts would just come in… use my holes , then leave… it was awesome… one night… I was sucking a nice dick thru the hole… the guy pulled out and bent over asking me thru the hole if he could come into my booth… of course I said yes and unlocked my door…. when the door opened it was a sergeant from the police dept I worked at .. (no im not an officer). We recognized each other right away… he’s married with kids… I was alrwsdy on my knees and he shoved his dick back in my mouth… he shot a big load down my throat and told me I was going to be his cocksucker until he was done with me… he used my holes another 5 yrs… it got to be so bad I’d spend the night at friends houses because he’d pop in all hrs of the night…
#MenToo
I am so glad to see this topic approached in a calm, analytical manner by somebody who probably has a bright future in front of her.
I have had sex with women exactly three times, and two of the events were unwanted. That is as far as I will go on that detail. I am only giving it here to establish the fact that I know what unwanted sex with a woman feels like. Neither of the two unwanted cases were assaults.
A lot of gay men wind up marrying women and then they start families. During the 30 years that I lived in the Bible Belt, I met a number of gay men, usually during the time they were ending these marriages or shortly thereafter. Nearly all of them said they knew that they were gay when they married, and the reason they did this was something along the lines of, “I did what was expected of me.” What was expected of them usually included marrying a nice girl in a fundamentalist church ceremony. These women took their marriage vows very seriously, and some of the men attempted to live up to them. Good intentions seldom overcome the reality of one’s psyche. Some of these women would realize what they had gotten themselves into, usually after children had been born. In cases where the husband loved his wife deeply from the collar-bone up, they would figure out how to make it work. Other cases could be quite messy and the marriages would end with a great deal of emotional damage done to both spouses and to the children. It was a horribly rotten situation for any woman who had entered into marriage with full intent to live her vows to their fullest; many of them had trouble understanding that the breakup of the marriage was not about them, even though it had an enormous affect on them. The root cause was gay men who who feared not conforming to social norms against , until they could no longer bear what their lives had become.
While I was in the Army at Fort Campbell, Kentucky from 1977-79 I came to know a few closeted civilian men in the Clarksville, Tennessee community One was a school teacher who I am told was very good with the difficult age of junior high. He was caught by the police in a compromising situation, publicly exposed, and within a week he had committed suicide. Thankfully his children were grown and on their own, but I have no idea what became of his wife. The other was somebody who I was what we call a FWB in this day and age. He had never married and was a very sweet and passionate man who gave of himself very fully in that way, but he was not very verbal and often had trouble finding words to express what was on his mind. He had never been to Nashville despite it being less than 60 miles from Clarksville, and I don’t know if he had ever been outside the county. He had described his family as being very strict Pentecostals, the kind that hold violent exorcisms to free people from demonic possession. He wanted to get away from them and their beliefs but didn’t know how to do this. One day he got in touch and asked if I would meet him that evening. He was clearly upset and when I found him it was clear that he was not only upset but frightened. I couldn’t get a word out of him about what it was. Two days later I learned that he had died under “mysterious circumstances” later that night or early the next morning, and the conditions in which he had been found did not match the actual cause of death. I was in a position to know a couple of people in the CID office; one of them looked into it and very quickly came to see me and told me that I would be placing my own life in danger if I got involved in any way. Now that is an unusual thing for such an agent to say, but my friend was concerned for my own safety. Thankfully I was just a few weeks away from the end of my enlistment so I kept a very low profile and made my exit a quick and quiet one.
I think the point I want to make here is that men having unwanted sex with women could be an indicator of a much greater problem. It is safe to be out and proud when you have a community of like minded individuals who are going to sound the alarm and rally on your behalf when things go wrong. It is pretty safe to be gay in San Francisco or the East Bay or Manhattan Island. Travel to either extreme of Interstate 5 and you will find a very different social climate, complete with Ku Klux Klan and Neo-Nazi activity taking place out in the hills. There are gay men in these areas, but their only “role models” were men who were trapped into living bad stereotypes. And what happens to most people who don’t have positive role models? They repeat what they have seen because that it what is expected of them. It is a horrible waste of human energy, but the people who actually run this country are perfectly happy to have it this way because frightened people are more easily controlled. Forty years have passed since I knew those two men in Tennessee and in some ways things have changed for the better. It is important for the rest of us to remember that for some, nothing has changed at all.
Yup happened to me a few times. Back in high school she was the one all the guys wanted. She lived down the street from me and we grew up together. We were really good friends. In high school back in my day if you were gay you wound up in a locker or beaten up behind the bleachers. As prom came I had no date and neither did she (even though every guy asked her). She actually asked me. So to cover my tracks as being gay, I took the hottest girl in the class. All my friends were high fiving me and congratulating me. Everyone wanted details. Prob was over and she told the limo driver to head to the beach. Driver got out to get coffee. We started making out. I’m a huge fan of oral sex. Loved kissing and playing with her tits. She dropped down to blow me. It was by far the worst bj of my life to date. I was hard and she now rolled over. There is was. My first pussy staring me in the face. I ate that pussy (wtf is up with that?) had no idea what I was doing and she could tell. I think there was a fake org from her. Then she said,”out it in me, I’ve always wanted it from you!” So I slid into her. Thought about the guys in tuxes at the prom and how hot they looked. Kept fucking her. This time the org was real. I was soaking wet. I pulled out as I didn’t not want kids. And shot my load into a close by napkin. It was nice but I never wanted to do it again.
We hung out a lot after that became great friends. Then one day a lot of friends were asking questions. So we fucked again. When we were done she grabbed me by the hand and said,”I’ve always liked you as a friend. But I don’t think this is going to work for me. I have something to tell you. I’m not into guys. I like girls. I am only telling your this as I trust you and we’ve been friends since kindergarten. Please don’t tell anyone.” At that moment I was never so scared in my life. I said,”your secret is safe with me. Oh by the way I like guys! Please don’t tell anyone.” We both laughed. Then figured out a plan to just lie to ppl Who ask about our sex life.
We are still best friends. When gay marriage became legal she married her soulmate. I was their best man. I danced with her to Elton John’s “kiss the bride”. We both laughed as the song came on. She so awesome. If I was asked to be part of a thresome with her and her wife, I’d do it. Just to check that box.
It’s simple, women are for procreation and men are for recreation.
Every few days. I’m married to a woman who is very unstable, and though I have found that I do not want to fuck her anymore I worry that she will kill herself if we divorce or stop having sex. So we keep doing it, and I imagine myself in every porn situation until it gets me off. I hate myself for not finding her attractive, and for not admitting what I feel either.