Speak Out: Do You Believe In Top Privilege?
The top and bottom dichotomy is something gay guys are intimately aware of. It’s something that’s spawned a lot of biases and preconceived notions, some of which most gay guys believe in without thinking twice about it. But for writer Rembrandt Duran, the time has come for tops to acknowledge that they enjoy privileges that bottoms don’t necessarily have.
In an essay titled “We need to talk about ‘top privilege’” Duran outlines these supposed privileges, as well as what tops can do about it.
For one, Duran points out that tops have significantly lower risks of contracting HIV and STIs compared to bottoms. Tops also hold the sexual health of bottoms in their hands, as their partners who are not on PrEP trust that they won’t be stealthing them. Stealthing, for those who don’t know, is when your partner removes their condom during sex without telling you, possibly exposing you to a number of STIs.
Duran also points out that promiscuity is viewed more favorably in tops that it is with bottoms. Tops with many sexual conquests are celebrated, while bottoms are shamed for it and made fun of for their supposedly “loose holes”. There’s also the internalized homophobia and misogyny that is implicit with the thinking that bottoms are somehow lesser than tops.
Finally, Duran calls out the impossible standards of perfection tops seem to expect from bottoms. He brings up the topic of paint shaming, which is a sang term to describe when a bottom isn’t fully cleaned out and a little something is left on the top’s penis. Duran says he’s heard many stories of tops kicking bottoms out after being “painted”.
Rather than shaming them, Duran says tops should stop demanding perfection and be understanding. He also says that tops should know what they signed up for, and that a little something on your penis after sex isn’t something to stress about.
We’d like to hear what Adam4Adam’s tops and bottoms have to say. Do you guys believe that tops enjoy privileges that bottoms don’t? Do you agree with Duran that we expect too much from bottoms? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.
Well as a Top I never thought of myself as having privilege. I take my role very seriously, and I would hope the Bottom I play with does the same. Things happen, so I don’t go ballistic if my paint brush has alittle paint on it. I would hope that if my cock fell asleep at the wrong time, my Bottom would be just as understanding. The shame game is just that, and I don’t have any of it in my game.
What a ridiculous search for an issue to create. If you decide to bottom you have to know the risks you are taking on. You can’t blame someone who decides to top. And if you bottom you have to stay in control. The problem with tops is the ones who are tops only because they are selfish jerks, and care nothing about their bottoms, who ram and cram and pound and hurt without thinking. Why would anyone want to have sex with someone like that? There’s no privilege going on. Creating false issues is a real problem in the gay community, and this is just one more kind of labeling going on. And an example of how Feminism has ruined at least one guy’s thinking. The real problem is the over-identification with anal intercourse that is going on. It’s hard enough to find someone to love without obsessing over who’s a bottom and who’s a top. It’s not necessary to do it at all. It’s just one more fragmentation going on to destroy our chances at love. And anything that goes against Love is asking for Trouble. Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. We need a lot more of it in our lives and in our community, and because I say so!
I agree, if your bottoming, and the top is being rough, forcing it in, making you hurt, to me it’s a turn off. I think if your going to fuck, there has to be extreme trust with each other, and knowing that both of you are disease and hiv free. Too much risk and worry to do any kind of bareback with someone you don’t know without protection. As for “paint” well so what it happens. It you and your partner are really into each other, honest it doesn’t matter.
Sounds more like Mr. Duran met a few assholes and is looking to blame a group of people, rather than admit that maybe he just got unlucky or made a few bad choices in partners.
Do all of those things exist in some tops? Sure, but it’s not because they’re tops, it’s because they’re awful people (and tops certainly have no monopoly on being assholes).
I’m a top 95% of the time. I expect the guy to clean out but accidents happen. I wear a condom so I’m not worried about “paint”. My penis is long and thick, so I actually admire bottoms who can take it. It’s a partnership. Tops should not assume they are superior and vice versa.
A gay man expecting perfection? Who would have thought they would shame someone for not being their image of perfection.
Here’s my take on it. These narrow minded queens who refuse to bottom, or even try it in fact, are more worried about their ego being hurt than they are their asshole. They think bottoming makes them less of a man and more of a woman. It’s all in their fucked up mental state of being.
As for shaming someone for being “clean”, here’s the deal. If you’re going to bottom, you need to have enough respect for you AND your partner to properly douche. Using the bathroom before you get fucked without douching or thinking your superbottom and don’t need to aren’t going to end well for either person. Little accidents happen, I get it. But when you beg me to come over and fuck you and you didn’t even bother to attempt to clean out and my dick looks like a chocolate popsicle when I pull out and the entire room smells like cat shit, I’m fucking wiping my painted dick all over your white towels and getting the hell out.
As a top and a bottom, I understand there are times when bottoming isn’t the best idea and you just need to find other things to do.
There are certain things people say to me that make me say “No” to fucking them.
#1. Wanna try bottoming for the first time, meaning they have no experience in cleaning.
#2. Spontaneous right now sex. You need to go clean and prep. Then get back with me.
Sex can be a very clean and fun thing. But bottoms need to understand when to say No, and need to research on how to properly clean themselves first.
100% and if you call it out you’re being “dramatic” and you’re gaslighted. That’s why I’m depressed, alone and ready for the next life to begin. being a bottom sucks.
Being a bottom is hard these days because it seems like there are 10 bottoms to every TOP. I am vers but when you meet a guy and they find out you have a BBC all they want you to do is fuck them. I have been out with so called tops, but they are really topless bottoms, so I spend most of my time in TOPPING guys because I can pound a new one out everyday. Especially, the DL married guys who want to get fucked then go back home to their wife and kids. Right not it is a TOPS market and a TOP can have a new bottom everyday if he wants. Sorry, these are just the facts from my point of view.
Bottoms do suck! They are the biggest knob gobblers of all.
Joe. Being a bottom can be great. You sound depressed. You should try talking to someone… search lgbt counseling on Facebook…. it will be okay dude!!
Bottoms do suck. Bottoms are some of the most aggressive knob gobblers around. I know, I’m a bottom.
STOP THE TORTURE OF OTHERS – ITS OUR WORLD – what I find offensive is the BDSM scene – why is it acceptable to us to accept the abuse of others? The sexual torture other men and women even if underground needs to be addressed but how ?
Why not use local government and the United Nations:
” Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment (commonly known as the United Nations Convention against Torture (UNCAT)) is an international human rights treaty, under the review of the United Nations, that aims to prevent torture and other acts of cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment around the world.
The Convention requires states to take effective measures to prevent torture in any territory under their jurisdiction, and forbids states to transport people to any country where there is reason to believe they will be tortured.
The text of the Convention was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly on 10 December 1984 and, following ratification by the 20th state party, it came into force on 26 June 1987. 26 June is now recognized as the International Day in Support of Victims of Torture, in honor of the Convention. Since the convention’s entry into force, the absolute prohibition against torture and other acts of cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment has become accepted as a principle of customary international law. As of August 2017, the Convention has 162 state parties..including the United States
Definition of torture
Article 1.1 of the Convention defines torture as:
For the purpose of this Convention, the term “torture” means any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him, or a third person, information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting in an official capacity. It does not include pain or suffering arising only from, inherent in, or incidental to, lawful sanctions.
Ban on torture
Article 2 prohibits torture, and requires parties to take effective measures to prevent it in any territory under their jurisdiction. This prohibition is absolute and non-derogable. “No exceptional circumstances whatsoever” may be invoked to justify torture, including war, threat of war, internal political instability, public emergency, terrorist acts, violent crime, or any form of armed conflict. In other words, torture cannot be justified as a means to protect public safety or prevent emergencies. Subordinates who commits acts of torture cannot abstain themselves from legal responsibility on the grounds that they were just following orders from their superiors.
Ban on cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment
Article 16 requires parties to prevent “other acts of cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment which do not amount to torture as defined in article 1” in any territory under their jurisdiction. Because it is often difficult to distinguish between cruel, inhuman, or degrading treatment or punishment and torture, the Committee regards Article 16’s prohibition of such act as similarly absolute and non-derogable. “
Bravo to Father Hennepin and the other commenters for calling this out for exactly what it is: hypersensitive sociological—- no, make that sociopathic —- malarkey. Let the so-called president busy his tiny hands with blaming and shaming, we should have subjects of far greater substance.
LMAO @ top privilege! Today’s gay world is AFU. I’m SOOOOO glad that I am OVER all that shyte.
Do straight guys kick women out of bed for having red paint on their cocks? I doubt it, women wouldn’t stand for that…so neither should bottom guys..get a shower and move on
As a bottom I have to agree that you need to be sure your cleaned not only the “paint” if that’s what it’s being called but, it’s respected. And Yes, things change since you cleaned and hook up. Now as for tops being privileged some do go over board but, then again we bottoms and I’ll say some of us expect and want them to be king of our holes. The most biggest problem I have faced is today’s guys want only GOD built body’s and will go without sex unless he finds one.
I’m a bottom, and I think “top privilege” is bullshit… People nowadays are looking for any reason to be offended because our society, the media, and academia encourage it. I think toxic victimhood is the real problem…
“Top privilege” in this article simply describes horrible people. I’ve rarely had problems with “paint” because I have an iota of self awareness and the sense to check myself out before inviting somebody over. Douching is horrible for your health as a regular activity, and those tops who expect it from bottoms every time they have sex are slightly less valuable than the waste water it produces.
that’s why i flipflop i can take it as good as i can give it!!!!!!!!!!!
Seems like there is enough division in the gay guy community without this supposed “bottom vs. top” paradigm to be treated seriously. Let’s try to respect each other and get along. There are so many external real threats out there, we don’t need this.
Hey most of the time my BF and I just suck, swallow, and jerk off together, and yes, I do finger and rim his ass. You guys talk about getting “painted” you mean of course poo on your cock or fingers. It all depends who your with. With my BF, yes, many times I get poo on my fingers, and so what, it’s all part of the fun, sharing each other. I don’t even mind licking it off my fingers, and rimming his ass, even if it’s dirty. Sometimes I even dig out some from his ass, and wow, it’s neat. But I will not do that with just anyone. Too much risk of disease, and if your not really into each other, it’s just not a turn on. Trusting your partner is the main thing when bottoming, fucking and fingering ass. Oh yes, for those who don’t know, I am white, and my BF is black, and we have the best relationship ever.
I have never bottomed but I’m wanting to try it any tips for first time bottom boi.
Pidgeonholing.
It seems in this blog we label. We need to stick people into strict slots depending upon who they are. It appears we’re trying create a “hot topic” or just “anything”members will respond to.
I pretty much avoid “total tops”. Just as much as “insatiable” or “power” bottoms. Also walk past “Doms” and at the same time “subs looking for someone to rule them.” I can’t relate to “dressers’ or “bondage” folks. But if that’s what they are looking for, that’s their choice. No faults there. And there are others seeking the same.
All of these folks .. for me … are on the ends of spectrums. That’s their choice, of course. And I’m sure there are countless guys who seek them. Good for all of you.
Personally, I need guys more toward the middle. Guys who have many facets to offer. Guys who seek other guys who have just the same. Let’s see what sex we want instead of only the kinds we seek. Let’s see where we agree on politics and social issues, instead of where we will divide over differences.
So to guys who are at the 20% of any spectrums’ either end, good for you. Be who are. Find guys who seek what that is.
I’m in the middle 60% … that’s 100% minus the two 20%s on either end. … let’s get together.
I am a bottom and proud to admit it. The thing I notice the most is that guys want to have sex so quickly that I have little to no time to prepare. Also more guys really really REALLY want to bareback than they will admit.
I agree that’s the greatest plus a creampie
Frame of reference – I’m vers, 34, undetectable, and have been fairly promiscuous. In the past I’ve bottomed about 75% of the time, but now I’m about 50/50.
I think “top privilege” is total bullshit. I think guys (in MY experience) who are total tops and feel the need to brag about their exploits are probably dumb, lazy, likely no better than their straight counterparts, and probably the ones exaggerating their dick size by 3″ online. I have zero interest in them.
In my opinion a promiscuous BOTTOM, however, has JUST as much control over the situation in any given encounter, PLUS has earned way more bragging rights since so much more goes into bottoming (prepping, risk, pain) than topping. (***It goes without saying that as a bottom, you need to douche IMMACULATELY, and take ownership of the precautions you take against risks – i.e., bb and accept the risk, or condom, and be selective.)
As for the “standards of perfection”, such stupidity – it’s equally difficult to stay erect and in control as a TOP as it is to be clean, ready, and receptive as a bottom. It’s ridiculous to think that topping is inherently “easier” than bottoming. Whoever wrote the article is obviously a bitter bottom who doesn’t know how to douche…. get it together people.
Gay men have more important things to consider. What a silly topic.
Intimate sexual relations between two consenting adults, both (hopefully) somewhat experienced and understanding of their role. In what fantasy world does our ‘author’ claim privilege?
Bitchy cat-calls, bad mouthing partners for this or that, I wouldn’t fuck them to begin with! The bottom can never guarantee 100% cleanliness (and given the human anatomy, it’s mostly clean where the fucking happens anyway) because the digestive system is not a vagina. The top can’t guarantee the penis will always be hard, be hard long enough, or long enough to find the ‘paint’.
In the end, it’s sad that the decision two people make to spend some intimate, hopefully wonderful time together is now a battleground for invented slights. These blogs get stupider and stupider, sorry. It is a privilege to engage in sexual relations with a willing partner. The alternative is, well, not having sex. Bah!
Privilege?! I’ve fucked dudes and had to get shots a week later. Painted happens, never know when you might meet a dude and get his meat up your butt, or up his. I’ve fucked and been fucked on odd occasions, well not that odd, and pulled out clean and been pulled out clean. Folks need to get over it. If you are doing butt sex dick gonna smell like butt
Dallas I couldn’t have said it clearer myself! Yea you pointed out some of the little things that can mess up an awesome senerio . Those kind of “uglies” can sometimes sure wreck one’s image of dudes who seemed so damn cute!
I’ve found that the sad truth is, power exists… hierarchy exists either real or perceived. I recently watched a documentary about straight porn actors and a lot of those guys are verse. They don’t let sexual roles reflect negatively on their masculinity in fact they just see it as another way to have sex. I’m a very masculine guy who has gotten plowed hard and regularly in the past. I have also been a top where I have taken a number guys to task for marathon plow sessions. I agree with the straight porn actors… as far I’m concerned, it’s just another way to have sex. My masculinity is not damaged and my partners always have a blast. Socially, some guys shame others and tear other people down. That’s always going to be there, I choose to be grown up in the room and normalize sex instead of shaming and sharing negative judgement.
I would think that this would talk about the way other people see tops vs bottoms in non gay circles. I’ve been told “If you’re gonna be gay, make him the b!tch” and I said “I don’t think of it like that, I want a partner not an employee or prostitute”
It’s not a top’s fault that he is as a top less likely to get HIV/STIs, that I guess comes with the territory
Painting…I’ve topped most of my sexual life, but when I played with a dildo there was a little paint, but not enough to make it smell up the room. It happens, However, if it’s a lot, I don’t deal with it very well
Now, when it comes to being a top. I’m not the kind of top that is always attentive to his bottom. I want to make sure that his pleasure is assured, I want to make sure that we both are having a good time when we have sex. Someone who just “beats it up” in a way that isn’t pleasurable to his bottom is a top I despise.
This whole loosey goosey thing…I do know that it is a phrase that has been thrown around int he gay community. We can’t escape misogyny unfortunately. That part sucks
I think this discussion has turned me off of anal sex forever
As a sub bottom, my dom taught me how to clean out properly for him. If an “accident” happens, that is because I didn’t clean out properly for him. His dick is very long and thick, so I must be prepared for that. If he pulls out of me and there is any scat on the condom, he has the right to enforce consequences.
As a top, no, he has no privilege. As my dom top, he has all the privileges he wants- that’s because I surrendered those rights to him. He doesn’t demand perfection in all aspects, but he does demand perfection in my cleaning out to make room for his cock in me. As far as multiple partners, he shares me with other tops who meet his standards and watches over me to keep me safe with them- even when I am helplessly restrained. That’s his responsibility in exchange for what you are calling “privilege.”
Thankfully not all tops are like the bad apples you talked about and yes I’m a bottom who cleans out good but occasionally I have a smear that escaped the clean out process and normally I’m the 1 who is more upset but have had a top guy flip out from a very small amount of it and I normally will suck your cock after you came inside me to get it hard again and that shows that I am expecting it clean and let’s talk about the “cheese” on their cock when they don’t wash it and I am trying not to be a bitch but when his dick smells worse than my butt right after I took a shit and I’m not joking about that and I finally told him that the fact he smelled bad enough that he banished any thoughts of sex and needed to go away . Thankfully that’s extremely rare as most guys both top and bottom want to present themselves as best as possible .And I do know I spend a good half hour at the least to be fresh inside and out
What a load of crap, literally. Bottoms need to be responsible for their own hygiene and protection the same way that tops do. Not even touching upon the whole “selfish jerk who only tops, useless hole who only bottoms” issue, this is another offshoot of the unrestrained bareback sex issue. There is that component of filth, in our society, who continuously scream that “bareback is the only natural way,” regardless of rampant HIV infection rates (and the drugs *do not* work for everyone) and antibiotic-resistant and uncurable strains of gonorrhea, syphilis, and chlamydia, not to mention herpes. Condoms must be brought back into regular use; HPV and crabs can still be spread, even with condoms, but at least the HPV can be limited in its virulence. As for “paint shaming”… it is *WELL DESERVED.* If one intends to bottom, proper hygiene and preparation are not optional. Accidents happen, but common decency should prevent most of them. As for tops, particularly uncut tops, there is *equal* responsibility to be both hygienic and protective of the bottom. Sex is fun, but it shouldn’t have to result in antiretroviral poisons and antibiotics (which might no longer work). Tops are equally responsible for transmission of disease, and bottoms need to be prepared before the act.
This is the silliest topic I’ve ever seen here. Stop being such a snowflake. Bottoms are not victims. They know what they want and like, hopefully they know how to prepare for it, and the bottoms I’ve had in my sex life love what they are doing. Geez.
Duran is right:
1. The lower rates of STD’s. Back in the late 1990s or early 2000s, I read a medical article that says that tops have a 1 in 300 chances of contacting HIV while bottoms have a 1 in 10 chances of contacting HIV if they are practicing bareback or raw sex. The probability is even lower for tops if they are circumcised. I know a few tops who have been fucking with or without condoms since the early 1980s and have not caught HIV. I also know a versatile guy who used to top bareback but bottom safe for several years during the 1990s. Every six months, his HIV test came back negative. Then, he decided to also bottom bareback and within six months, he became HIV-positive.
2. How top promiscuity and bottom promiscuity are viewed differently TODAY, in general but not always, by the tops. Duran is just stating the facts although back in the 1970s, 1980s and most of the 1990s, there was practically no such pseudo-moral judgement.
3. The impossible standards of perfection tops seem to expect from bottoms. It’s not just about “dick painting” but it is also and mostly about the physical appearance requirements (great body shape, handsome face, big booties especially for black tops) that the tops seem to require on the Internet dating/hookup sites even though many of them DO NOT meet these requirements. As for “dick painting”, back in the late 1970s through most of the 1990s, tops did NOT make a big deal about it.
Now, the real question is why these so-called “top privileges” exist?
There are two main reasons and they are interlinked: the ratio of bottoms to tops and the disappearance of most of the places where gay or bisexual men used to meet one another.
a) I don’t know if there are any scientific studies that was done about it but we ALL know that there are far more bottoms than tops so that tops have the embarrassment of riches and can afford to pick and choose, and play the hard-to-get.
b) Today, there is only the Internet dating/hookup sites left (especially in New York City) and the sex parties that advertise on these sites. Using their computers or smartphones in the virtual and remote world of the Internet makes it easier for tops to pick and choose and play hard-to-get. Also, most of the sex parties tend to require a certain level of physical appearance and age (slim, muscular) and many times, the sex parties are packed with muscular bottoms and very few tops because the tops don’t need to go to a sex party which charge an entrance fee. All they have to do is message or call bottoms on their long contact list to get someone. Furthermore, the tops don’t even need to have a great body to get bottoms, especially if they are well-endowed tops (i.e. have big dicks).
On the other hand, in the past there was a wide choice of places to meet: bath houses, parks (they were not patrolled then and were far much playful and lively), bars (some had a more or less dark backroom), dance clubs, gay movie theaters with their dark rooms, tea houses (subway station restrooms), etc. In these places, making contact is totally different than on the Internet and the advantage of the tops in terms of ratio is reduced if not eliminated.
Example :
A bottom sends a request to a top on an Internet dating/hookup site. The top checks the age, physical shape (slim, muscular, athletic, average, body builder, large), the profile text, and the photos in order to respond. However, the photos are FIXED images and do not tell the whole story (some people are more photogenic than others). However, the top rejects the bottom because of the physical shape or the face photo, for instance.
Now, we have the same two people at a bathhouse. The bottom is lying fully naked on his stomach on his bed with his room’s door open (that’s how bottoms typically do it in a bath house). The top walks by the open room and likes what he sees, goes inside, and they have sex. If the sex is good, the top will come back for more the same day or another day when they meet again at the bath house. The top may even exchange numbers with the bottom so that they could meet at their places (the top’s or the bottom’s). Why was the outcome different here? Because in the bath house unlike the Internet, the top based his decision on the REAL-LIFE, fully naked appearance of the bottom.
We could say the same thing about the other places : parks, bars and their backrooms, dance clubs, gay movie theaters with their dark rooms, tea houses (subway station restrooms), etc. Guys who were looking mostly for no-strings-attached hookups went to bath houses, parks, gay movie theaters, tea houses while guys who were mostly looking to date or to have a conversation went to the bars (at least the front, not the backroom), or dance clubs (one dance club in the Bronx, NY had three different areas: one for Rap or R&B music, one for Reggae/Dance hall, one for Latino music). Some bars provided for both types of guys: the front for conversation and dating, and the backroom for no strings-attached hookups. Some bars also had a small dancing area.
Lastly, a note about cleaning. When you inject water into your rectum for cleaning, some of the water and waste many get trapped beyond the bend in the rectum. In this case, the bottom, after pushing and straining, will assume that he is clean but when he is being fucked, the pumping action of the penis will release the trapped water and waste, leading to an “accident”. How do you prevent this problem? After the enema, use a dildo (a length of 6 inches is adequate) for a few strokes into your rectum. Any trapped water and waste will then come out.
Mr Duran all butt-hurt because he can’t get/stay clean for 2 hours of sex and is called out on it?
He needs to get over himself.
The older I get the more I want to have someone of my own.
It took me a long time to get here (dating men) and it has been an awful struggle, with a lot of the negatives I’ve experienced coming from those “experienced” guys.
My first boyfriend really set me up for failure by lying from the start, and then cheating regularly. It could have been better if we could just have been honest, eventually I came to expect the new lie.
It was years before I would try dating a guy again. I set a 6 month moratorium on my next relationship. As we neared the 6th month, I began finding out there were many concerns, sins of omission, and constantly having the tables turned on me (HIM: ‘this would be better if YOU were MORE out’ … and at the same time … ‘you can’t meet MY mom because I am NOT out to her’ … lol, I know it still boggles my mind)!
I have finally met an amazing man and fell for him hook, line, & sinker, but he is from another state, we met while he was working here temporarily, and honestly, though he doesn’t seem to notice it, he has some painful issues to deal with (he was cheated on by his ex after a ten year relationship). I don’t believe he realizes how much I feel for him, but he is the first guy I could ever think of marrying. He is perfect in a lot of ways that matter, and the rest I could handle if he could handle my stuff too. My biggest issue is I wont chase him – I believe he needs his space and he is home right now. He has gotten mad at me, once for being on A4A (we met here) … I do not believe he knows how much I think about him, several times every day though we haven’t spoken directly in nearly a month (we are both very busy), and though I sent him what I thought was the perfect gift on Valentines Day, he seemed mildly amused by it. I don’t want to move on, but not sure he is ever coming back. For now, I am running with the ‘Love is a Butterfly’ perspective, and I am hoping he returns to me; as my heart beats for a drake, who lives on a lake …
This is the most ridiculous article I’ve ever seen. The gay community has officially run out of actual problems if they are resorting to making their own issues. Seriously this had feminist ideology’s fingerprints all over it. This article talks like tops are straight white males and bottoms are women. Just stop it with this bullshit!
I get that there is this stigma assigned to tops and bottoms, its can be found in every walk of life.. but there are things that one does take on when you decide to be either a top primarily or a bottom.. just as with any other choice like if you should be a swallow’er or not.. there will always be those who have higher than reasonable expectations, so what, you don’t have to get involved with them. tops with huge ego’s are sad and bottoms who don’t know how to clean up are sadder.. but most of us are neither and we all allow for each others minor happenings like the whole “paint” thing. my lover is so caring and so strong at the same time he can be aggressive and tender and treats me very well not to mention he’s very well hung and I take every inch to please him and my self we fit.. we have expectations of each other but not crazy ones.. I think this whole subject pitts the ex-stream on either side against each other while the majority of tops and there bottoms are more in the middle..
Thank you hun