Fantasy: How To Set Up A Threesome
Take a look at the comments section of the Adam4Adam Blog — or any other sexually-inclined blog, to be honest — and you’ll find that most gay men are pretty open to sexual activities straight people don’t usually go for.
Threesomes, for instance, are something most of our readers seem to be down for. In a previous Adam4Adam blog post titled “Share Your Favorite Group Sex Experience!”, you readers talked about threesomes in local spas and about getting spit-roasted. In a post titled “8 Things To Know About A Threesome”, reader RightNowDave shared that the greatest climaxes he’s had was when he was getting fucked and getting a blow job at the same time.
But what if you’re with someone and you’ve always wanted to have a threesome? How do you go about doing it? An article recently put up on Lifehacker gives a step-by-step on how.
Written by sex therapist Vanessa Marin, the article gives seven steps someone interested in having a threesome should take.
Of course, the first step is letting your partner know that a threesome is something you’ve been considering. Be prepared to explain why you want to have a threesome, as there are plenty of opportunities for this to be misunderstood. Don’t make them feel like the reason you want to do this is because you don’t find them attractive or because you’re looking for somebody else.
Hand in hand with letting your partner know is making sure that this is something that the two of you want to do. Don’t pressure them into making a decision immediately, and be sure that they’re doing this with you because they want it.
Once that’s clear, be sure to discuss what boundaries are in place as well. Aside from how far the two of you are willing to go when it comes to sexual activities, talk about what to do if either one of you becomes jealous or uncomfortable during the threesome itself.
Marin also advises that you and your partner fantasize together before actually engaging in a threesome. She says that the two of you go through potential situations together not just to get each other hot, but also to make sure that both of you are comfortable doing this.
By this point, Marin says its time to search for the third person in the threesome. She recommends using dating apps, and what better one to use than Adam4Adam?
Once the two of you have found the third person in your threesome, be sure to tell him about the boundaries you and your partner have discussed. Do it before the three of you are naked to avoid any awkwardness or misunderstanding.
Marin’s final piece of advice is to take your time and not rush yo or your partner into a threesome. SO many things could go wrong, so it’s best to be very cautious about going through with this.
Do you guys agree with Marin’s tips? Share your thoughts, threesome experiences, and advice for those who want to try out a threesome in the comments below.
As Dr. Drew Pinsky pointed out, in his experience, when a partner wants to start including other people in sex/lovemaking, the relationship is winding down. The fantasy seems to be the idea that threesomes can work. If it is the best sex, then, unless you can maintain that threesome for the rest of your life, how do you find satisfaction with one person? Three’s a crowd. I don’t know if planning one can make it work. In certain situations, it could arise accidentally/naturally, then one might go with the flow. It raises a need for choreography, I would think. It doubles one’s exposure to germs and bacteria, so one does have to be doubly careful about keeping safe, and being healthy, and knowing all your partners.
Is “Father Hennepin” an actual priest, and a Catholic one? If so, what the “F” does he know about sex. Catholic priests have some of the most distorted, warped, & ignorant attitudes & ideas about sexuality, in general, as I’ve ever heard. I had a 30-yr. friendship with a Catholic priest, and knew other Catholic priests, and most, if not all, have stupid ideas about having sex & sexuality, in general. They are the LAST person who someone should listen to, with respect to sex!!!!! There MIGHT be very few who have a healthy, reasonable approach & attitude, but, they’re very far into the MINORITY. So, WORD TO THE WISE!!
3-somes can be great, but they can also be very tricky…often the third is much more attracted to one partner, and the other may feel left out. It is important to focus on having fun and keeping expectations low. If you are the “odd man out” it is ok to sit and watch, with the occasional pat or stroke. If you are the “man in”, try to include everybody equally. And if it is not working for you, it’s ok to say so and go make a PBJ sandwich. It is important to stay casual and not be too emotionally invested – jealousy and/or hurt feelings are not what a good 3-some are about.
Or you could just not be a ho, give loyalty fedelity a chance. Same thing these “open relationships”, go on and keep kidding yourself that it’s an “open relationship” when it’s really the other one is going to cheat on you whether you like it or not and you hate yourself to the extent that you’re just going to accept what’s going on instead of finding someone that wants you and ONLY you.
Why does someone wanting to have a 3some make them a ho. This shaming of exploring yourself sexually in the gay community is extremely sad and pathetic. If your partner is constantly bringing it up or always asking about it, that’s one thing but if it’s something that will be a one and done event, then go for it, who’s it hurting. If you’re single and decide to only partake in 3somes/group activities, you have that luxury. It doesn’t make a ho to partake and it doesn’t make you a saint if you don’t
I agree with you Antonio!
If you wanna justify being a ho in whatever way makes you feel comfortable but all means. But I’ll tell you this, generalizing with cute little phrases the way you are is only gonna get you burned. There’re better ways to ‘explore’ ones self other than to stick it where the sun doesn’t sun with multiple people. Not to mention the diseases spread through such behavior and save the safe aspect because if that were affective 95% if the sexually active population wouldn’t have HPV.
My partner and I have had sex with singles and other couples many times over the years and in many countries that we have lived in. Most of the times it was ‘new friends with benefits’. We are still close friends with many of these people. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t do it. If it doesn’t work for you, don’t knock others who enjoy it. Safe sex always. It’s sex, it’s not love. Although some of the people we do actually love as close friends. By the way, we are together 36 years and we’re a bi-national couple (American & German) both in our 60s now. It’s not for everyone but it is for us from time to time.
Well, if it’s just with casual fuckbuddies, or something like that, I don’t see the harm. Nobody there would be emotionally invested enough to feel hurt, or anything. It’s casual sex. Nothing wrong with that, so long as everyone is clean, and comfortable doing stuff together.
But in a relationship? No. Absolutely not.
See, the first thing is, relationships are exclusive– the romantic ones, anyway. Your boyfriend is YOUR boyfriend, and not also your neighbor’s. Your husband is YOUR husband, and not also your old fuckbuddy’s . That is an unspoken agreement upon becoming an item. You two are together. With each other, and that’s it. Things between you are not casual if you’re together, they’re serious. Very simple.
So, wanting to go outside of that exclusivity is a huge red flag. You tell yourself that you’re “exploring your sexuality”, or you have an “open relationship”, or whatever comforting label you want to put on it, but in reality, all it means is that your relationship is on the way out, and either you, or your partner want to be with someone else.
Not to mention that it can be surprisingly difficult to manage jealousy and the like.
I mean, if that’s what you want in your relationship, that’s fine. More power to you, I guess. I just hope neither of you have been too distracted by thinking about building a life with your man to realize how attached to your mutual sex partner the other’s getting, and how much less time he spends tending to your needs when you three get together.
But that’s just my take on things, and even if break-ups happen in open relationships 99.9% of the time, there’s still the extremely remote, 0.1% off-chance that you guys will remain together, and have your happily ever after.
Every situation is unique and even though we all have the right to our own opinion, I don’t think any of us have the right to pass judgement on others.
Maybe my/out story is unique but isn’t everyone’s story? My spouse lost his previous lover “T” to curiosities about other people, men and women. “T” was a virgin when they met. My spouse was devastated with the breakup of their monogamous relationship.
I was not quite a virgin because I had been with a woman once when I was 22 but he was my first male sex partner. He was afraid of loosing me to the same curiosities so he insisted that I try other guys. How else would I know that HE was the one for me? I tried other singles and we have sex with others singlely and together. Our rules were that there would not be any secret encounters and we would never go with the same person more than once.
This fall, we will be married six years but more importantly, we will celebrate our 40th anniversary together.
For one thing, MR. ANTONIO-SELF RIGHTEOUS, PREACHER MAN, your illiteracy is blatant. Additionally, your concept of what is logical, reasonable, sensible, & practical make NO sense, at all. You sound like the religious, right-wing conservatives & fundamentalists—-most of whom have their head up their ass!!! They’re the hypocrites of hypocrites. They judge others, when they should be judging AND CONDEMNING THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR & ATTITUDES. Antonio, go educate yourself on HUMAN SEXUALITY, READ, READ, READ up on as much SEX POSITIVE material as you can get your hands on. Then, maybe, just maybe, you won’t be inclined to lash out, and show how ignorant, ill-informed, & narrow-minded you are.
um 1st of all, where is it written that 3somes are limited to partnered couples? ( thats what this article seems to suggest ) 2nd , what would a woman ( VANESSA ) or DR. DREW know about GAY 3somes? ugggh. stick to the script. WE are here on ADAM4ADAM. correct?
Oh so you think gay men and gay doctors ONLY can suggest or write about GAY 3some?
My psy is a woman, my doctor is a woman and it’s fine with me.
The article says “what if you’re with someone…” And Lesbians can have threesomes too. Don’t be a dick.
A major step is missing…one (preferably both) of you should have played with the new guy separately already or you both already know him reasonably well. Regardless of what may have been discussed prior to the meeting, new guys can become different once naked. If playing with the new guy separately is a issue, this is a clue both partners are not 100% onboard with the 3-some. If both of you know the guy well (he’s not a hookup and you both have met him socially several times), playing separately may not be needed. Lastly, everyone needs to ensure each of you are “taken care of” in a caring, balanced way.
I’m in the group that if your bf/husband isn’t enough that it requires you to want to bring in a 3rd person, then WHY are you in that relationship? If you want multiple partners, try doing it while everybody is single.
And there are guys who have a guy they are locked into as their Top Dog but for whom sex isn’t a defining factor in their relationship. For them, sex is secondary, a hobby, an interest like cars, hunting, fishing, trains, etc. Tough for some to understand, but all about the texture of what men are all about. Just as viable as guys who want their Top Dog to be their one and only sex guy.
I agree with you, HUNTER0500. Being in a relationship isn’t all about sex. And, if your relationship lasts for years, sex is barely an issue.
Well I had a 3 some with two black guys couple weeks ago and loved it, never been topped by two blacks at once ,can’t wait to do it again soon I hope I see nothing wrong with that
This imputing straight monogamy and fidelity into gay sexuality is little more than internalizing the values and morality, actually lack thereof, of the straight community that has stoned, burned, beat, ridiculed, and murdered us for thousands of years, and still do in most societies. Some would here if they could. Monogamy and that morality were byproducts of an era when women were powerless, had no legal rights, and depended on one man in a subsistence economy to survive and raise children. Grow up, deconstruct, and develop.
oh so you think gay monogamy and fidelity doesn’t exist? Oh well!
The data shows conclusively that gay monogamy is virtually an oxymoron. As for gay fidelity, it is much different that the concept of straight fidelity. Straight fidelity is strictly sexual with perhaps emotional and social fidelity thrown in. Gay fidelity is the opposite with emotional and social fidelity being the expectation with sexual fidelity not significantly valued. Ask ANYONE in the field of psychology who is up on the research and what I’m saying is what they will say.
Yeah but I’m not talking about what books say, I’m talking about what everyone is allowed to do, without being put in your box.
Once again, if you need somebody else for whatever reason OTHER than your partner…WHY stay in the relationship that they aren’t enough for you?
Both should hit the guy up on Adam, when you both get the same interested party responding with like interest, go for him. If one/both are not feeling it, both of you should say, this isn’t working out. Thanks you gotta go.
Having my first 3some tomorrow at age 55. One is 45 and Ive seen him semi regularly over the past year. The other is 26 and a friend of the 45yo Ive never met him. As with the 45yo it will be an anon experience with both bottoms being blindfolded. I have very good stamina and have multiple orgasms during sessions. Im assuming thats why I was asked that and the fact I am an Aplus rimmer. Actually a little nervous. Any pointers?
Hope things work out very well for you all!!!!!
Not so sure I have the degree behind my name to speak, but here goes. My husband and I have been together going on 22 years. We’ve done many a 3 some and still love each other very much. What I see as I read here is a misconception. Love doesn’t mean sex. Sex doesn’t equal love. In this self entitled society today, most seem to think that if I have had sex with you, then I should own you. And when that doesn’t happen, oh they are just a big ho…. Love doesn’t own. I have found love to be far more. Understanding, acceptance, sacrifice, compromise, communication, open minded and respect. As I have been privileged to see in my life, whether gay or straight relationships, most can give you websters definition of those words, but few know how to live within those meanings. Usually more of a punch line. Sharing, even sex in 3 somes, hasn’t deformed or deminished our love for each other. And it sure isn’t over, blah!! Dr. Pinsky’s experiences must be limited from where I stand. There is no set rules to follow. Only the narrow minded sees it as black and white. The only absolute I have read here, is a cliche: what might be right for you, may not be right for some. What works for us doesn’t mean it should be a standard for all, hence the misconception. Oh and just an FYI, our last 3some was like 3 yrs ago and we married just this past October. Our honeymoon…….didn’t need a 3rd there.
Heaven is a Bottom with 2 hung and hard tops. DP anyone?
I’m in a relationship, but I do have a fuck buddy on the side and he and I often invite a third to join us. Threesomes work best when all participate, it’s a drag when one guy lays back and expects the other two to do all the work. It also helps if there is a designated bottom, although versatile threesome is pretty good too. Don’t be afraid to move around, try different positions, taste different things…
I am in an open relationship, and have had a couple threesome’s with one of my partners friends. It can be fun, but awkward. In my case though, I already knew the third partner, so everything was ok. Had a fun time.
That’s something I want to try but I’m afraid of black men n there big clocks jus sayin I’m 4.5 cut n I’m ashamed embarrassed cause I’m white n small
Afraid of a black man? Why? First off not all black men have great big cocks. I know it’s portrayed that way in most porn videos, but it’s not true. A lot of men regardless of race, some have big cocks, some small, it’s not really a big deal. There’s nothing wrong with having a small cock. My cock is probably about the same size as yours, and I’m not afraid to show it off. I’m a white man, and my lover is black, and he has just an average size cock. I also have seen a white guy who had about a 9 inch cock one time as well. Don’t let a persons race discourage you. What counts is the love and care with each other, not the size of your cock or his. I know a lot of guys want the challenge of race play, but for me and my lover, it’s more about each other, and enjoying the things of life. It’s not all about sex or skin color.
Perfect place for the 3way?…..Get your asses to the nearest bathhouse and find the perfect playmate for the night….Or the hour!
I’m past 60 but have always had this fantasy of getting into a threesome with a couple of young bucks in their 20’s or 30’s. I would let them be totally in charge and anything goes.
At this point I have a feeling it will always just be a fantasy, but I can always hope.
One of the most memorable experiences I ever had was a threesome I had many years ago that I had NO part in planning. Had I known what was coming I would probably have said no- but thank goodness i didnt know what was coming. I had previously had one threesome- a guy I had been with wanted me to play with him and his boyfriend. Long story short they got super competitive with me and I felt completely awkward- so I had bolted. Of note- it didn’t take much to spook me as I was pretty much at the beginning of having sex with dudes and was 24-25. I had been “with” this other really hot guy Alex-I had met from online, and had an amazing experience. He was blonde, tan, surfer type, speedo tan, great body and nice dick 7.5-8 but more importantly- swimmer/surfer ass. I was all top to this point and when he wanted to meet again I was more than happy to oblige. He then asked me a dreaded question- Do you trust me? And I was like- um not really no offense- but what do you mean? He said he wanted to try something new with me, and would I be open to trying something else. I was like hmm ok maybe- but I reserve the right to back out. He said I doubt you will, and said he’d be over in an hour. Well I wasn’t out, and didn’t invite a lot of people to my apartment, but he had been once, and I agreed he could come by. an hour later, there is a knock at the door, and I open the door and I’m like WHAT THE FUCK! no lie- standing right next to this hot 21 year old muscular twink is his Identical twin brother!!!! He is like so are you ok with us coming in? And I was quick to say “Sure Alex” He smiled and said nope I’m Drew- He’s Alex. I was kind of in shock, but in they came and I sat down on the couch. I had a movie on, and each sat on either side of me. I didn’t know what to say- but they moved like dance partners on a stage, and just started making out with me and massaging me and totally making me the source of their attention. Drew then told me we aren’t into messing with eachother, so if that was something I wanted- they didn’t want to disappoint. They were just into sharing a guy and getting into all sorts of shit with him. Well I of course obliged, and had an INCREDIBLE orgasm with me inside one of them, and the other topping me. We went on for like 2 hours, until we had all gotten off 2-3 times. Was AMAZING!. I only ever met Alex again, as Drew lived in Atlanta- but damn talk about crossing something off the bucket list well before making one!!!
This article gave me a headache.
most I have ever been with was 17. it was fun but very distracting. You get together with one and then here comes another and then you move to the other and then comes another……… just make sure you have a cum dump at the end for everyone to enjoy
The topic is threeways, not foursomes or moresomes. I’ve been to orgies with thirty to fifty guys coming and going, so to speak. It’s not like you get or even want a shot at everyone, it’s just the visual of that many guys going at it at once, the expanded menu. I might have connected pink parts with maybe a dozen in a single night. Threesums are more enjoyable because the audience is limited and less distracting and remembering names is a higher priority. Reading these posts, it seems that it’s far more interesting to “committed” couples. I have to agree gay fidelity is an oxymoron, if it’s not you hitting me up on adam then it’s your partner doing it on the dl. When a guy has terms like “married” and “discreet” in his profile, my mind sees a guy that denied his inner idenity and that by sleeping with him, I see a wife, a picket fence, two small children and a golden retriever all in jeopardy. I find gay marriage comical and hypocritical (gasp!) What point this union makes escapes me. Straights actually procreate and build genetic legacies as opposed to the tinker toy fantasies that same sexers put forward to normalize their existances. You can’t white wash a zebra and call it a horse.
Is this a trick question? Setting up a threeway with three gay males is about as easy as falling out of bed. It’s those m,f,m set-ups that are tricky (assuming the participants don’t look like circus freaks). From Rage to the Midnight Sun to the Boom, Boom to Oz to the Parliment House, pretty much a point and shoot gesture. The real trick though is getting through the night without becoming the odd man out. But this was back when sex was real, not imaginary avatars hiding behide computer screens. Bars offered horny people face to face exposure, who were already out and away from their comfort zones and forcing themselves to dare a little and actually do some living. You younger guys have no idea how you’ve been cheated out of having real lives. My memories are of shirtless guys thick with sweat dancing their asses off, pick-up beds filled with hot guys whooping and screaming driving off into the night with a common mission, backroom hardcore sex rarely duplicated in porn, all during the days of looming threat of death by sex. But we lived, all without videoing the good times on our phones. Short answer, you find two people that are in the same league as yourself and make sure the chemistry is equally distributed and you find a place. tah-dah! A dick in every hole. (This statement excludes, nostrils, ear openings, eye sockets, the meatus, and the belly button. Persons with stomas and/or other artificially surgically induced openings are not considered as these orifaces are generally not associated as sexually peneratable…..you sick fucks).
Recently had a threesome with my fwb and a new guy. It was fun, wild, hot, and exhausting. I am sure we will do this threesome again sometime. But I also am looking forward to my next meet with my fwb to be just us two.
Variety is the spice of life. It does not always mean something is wrong, or going south, or on its way out. It is merely variety. Just like sex with my fwb varies all the time. Sometimes just jacking off, Sometimes just I blow him, Sometimes its just him topping me. But it is variety. And it is all good. Even the time we just hugged and cuddled for an hour.
I see threesomes as just another way to enjoy mansex and to keep it vibrant.