Dating: What Do You Look for in a Man?

(Photo Credits: Sean Cody)

It’s a brand new year and with it comes new hopes and dreams, new opportunities, and for the single people out there—new love.

Speaking of new love, a lot of us made a firm resolution to find one this 2018 and that’s good. But if we’ve been employing the same approach on dating for years perhaps it is time to change our dating habits. And while we may have plenty of dating practices to change, there are definitely some dating resolutions we can make this year: doable ones and something that we can do or change right away.

  1. Initiative – search, search, and search for them here at Adam4Adam and then reach out! Let’s not wait around for anyone to find us. As in everything in life, if we don’t do anything, we also get nothing in return. We want to find love so as a matter of principle, of course we search for them, who knows what a little initiative can do to our love life.
  1. Commitment – you found him, befriended him, and after sometime you both agreed to meet for coffee. You’ve got to actually show up! Make time for him; absolutely don’t cancel at the last minute but at the same time, you’ve got to come prepared. Moreover, please keep in mind A4A’s safety tips which you can read here.
  1. Enjoy – avoid setting expectations and forming preconceived notions about him as these not only spoil the date, it could also end it before it actually begins. Get to know him instead and allow him to show you his true self and vice versa.

Having said that, what are you waiting for? Go and find him but not before you tell us about the things or qualities that you look for in a man. Share with us your answers below and leave your username while you are at it. Who knows, someone out there may chance upon your comment and take interest in you. This way, they can get in touch with you here on A4A right away.

Good luck and happy dating!

There are 28 comments

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  1. Marcus

    I’m looking for a friend first. Someone I enjoy being around. Great conversation is a must even before we have sex. I’m into only masculine guys like myself. Someone who don’t stand out as feminine. I want a man that likes only man things. Good personal hygiene is the most important quality I can think of!!!!! I want a buddy to watch football and other sports with. I want someone who is not a freak in bed. I want a conservative, versatile guy like myself when it comes to sex. My only other desire is that he be black like myself and have a slim muscular build and be about 5’11 to 6’1.

  2. Rano

    Good looking face, nice thick medium mushroom cock. Not selfish in bed. It means serve one another to completion or to satisfaction . Just a fucking buddy

  3. FRANZ

    i usually go for white or latin hung tops younger then myself.
    no short dudes.
    no little dick dudes.
    no older dudes.
    no bottoms.

  4. Cecil

    He has to be between the ages of 22-28, have a great body, groomed or no body hair, have at least 8”, and have an impeccable sense of style.

    If over 28, he has to have a great job (aka lots of money) plus all the stated above. Never settling for less than this!

    • Andrew

      And do you stand in this category as well Cecil? Just asking not starting a problem, because the aim of the article is looking for a realistic man and changing your dating habits from previous years to allow you to find someone wort your time and to grow with.

  5. Thad

    A sense of humor … in these politically contentious times, we need to laugh. Also, honesty and kindness and consideration for others — and a progressive, liberal political outlook (yes, I have a right to want that, no need for those of the opposite persuasion to vent or rant). #Oprah4President

  6. Hunter0500

    Of course you should lay out in your profile what you’re looking for. Here’s a wild idea .. lay out as well what you have to offer. Why should a guy want to meet you? For me, if a guy says only “total bottom”, it’s like he’s looking only for a dildo. Or “total top”, it’s like he’s looking only for a place to ram his tool and deposit his load. Both are great if that’s how both parties are looking to treat and be treated by each other.

    When I read a profile, I look for “what’s in it for me?” I like guys who keep “giving” generally equal with “taking.”

  7. BJ

    Well, I am not one to commit. I prefer an open relationship, however I do have a best lover friend that I see quite frequently. The most important things are honesty, trustworthy, and disease free. I like guys who prefer to do stuff, other than just a suck and fuck and goodbye. A FWB is the best thing a guy can have. Emphasis on the F (Friend) Race, looks, age, dick size, weight, height, nationality is not a big deal with me.

  8. Milford

    It’s not tough enough that the net is a place where you can be a person that you’re not, but once you decide to meet in real life, it’s time to come clean. That one last chance to say, well, maybe you’re not what I am looking for, or, I only want some quick sex, or, I know you just want to get laid, but I want more. Just don’t stand a guy up, have the balls to at least say, Maybe not, something came up, or I chickened out. (I got a message once: “He’s not gonna make it- I am his wife and I just found this…”) At least I wasn’t waiting at [the restaurant] for hours…LOL Yet, I went in and sat at the bar for a few ended up in a great conversation, and a phone number. So it can happen anytime anyplace. Keep an open mind. Even if ‘he’ isn’t exactly your type, it might be worth a try. One never knows.

  9. David

    Guys, we all have to be willing to talk. It starts on here when the first contact is made and someone sends you a hello message. Most just answer with the equal of a grunt. When a guy attempts to start a real conversation and all he can get are one word answers spaced out 20 minutes apart, its not very long before the move on is done. If you’re not interested, tell the guy up front and save him and you the time. I’ve found that to be really effective and only rarely resulting in negativity. Be sure you can take it as good as you can dish it though LOL. The conversation aspect allows for getting to know your hoped for partner, whether it be a planned hookup or possible friendship. A mental connection is paramount for me once I start to converse with a guy. The physical attraction was already there or I wouldn’t have contacted to begin with and made the attempt. A lot of guys, the physical didn’t pan out but the mental is still there and we chat platonically and enjoy it. Once we meet, the physical does take over for a bit but after we both cum, the mental connection is what sustains the desire to meet again or to actually get to know each other. Abs and a tight ass only go so far. What we put in our bodies is important too. I met up with and really enjoyed the company of a young African American guy but his precum tasted like a cross between vinegar and quinine it was so bitter. I’m not sure if it was too much dairy in his diet or what but it just killed the mood. I mentioned it to him but over several months he wasn’t able to or didn’t try to make a change. So, a lot of things come into play when searching, then finding, then consolidating a friendship or whatever we each are looking for in another guy.

    • Milford

      Yah, I think I know that taste, really bitter. I have found that I can pick any insuin dependent diabetic out of a pre-cum, or cum line-up. The insulin that isn’t used is excreted. Some makes it’s way into the prostatic fluid. Tastes awful. But it’s a hazard of the territory that can’t be helped. As you mentioned, the territory shouldn’t include being a douchebag to anyone.
      One other sidenote: Age. So many guys have rock solid age limits. I wonder how they’ll feel when they hit those very limits. “I only like guys under 22” (from a 21 year old) Kid, you’re about to be too old for yourself. You’ve all seen it! Sometimes the guy’s looks and profile are right…but then there’s a line like that.

    • bjjj

      Bitter cum huh? Well, it could be a number of different things, diet, medications, even stress can cause cum to change it’s taste. But if your really into your guy, who cares what it tastes like. I don’t think race or nationality has anything to do with it either. I am white, and my BF is black, and yes, he does have some health problems, but his cum tastes normal, not bitter or anything. Even if it did, it wouldn’t matter to me, as our love and friendship would overshadow anything, even the taste of his cum. Speaking of taste, one time I was fingering my BFs ass, and sure it was a little dirty and smelly. Sure, I had some brown finger, and yes it smelled, but so what, I just licked it off my finger, and continued to have fun together. When your really into your guy, sharing is what it’s all about, even the smelly, dirty side of sex.

  10. Andrew

    Alot of what these guys have written are unrealistic ppl, you either going get a cheater, a married man or a man who is already in a relationship and most guys want a full top no verse guys also alot of unrealistic body types seems alot of ppl need to lower their standards from perfect porn stars to real ppl. Then their are a few ppl here that are looking for an actual partner aka relationship

    • bjjj

      So, it’s the idea of a black man with a big cock that turns you on, huh? Sounds kind of racist to me. I don’t go for the dom/sub thing either. You first have to start of with a good friendship, to achieve a good relationship. Being gay, bi, or even straight, sex is only a small part of it. I have the best friend and relationship ever, and yes I am white an he is black, and you know the racial thing has nothing to do with our love for each other. Sure we have sexual fun together, not because of his race or size of his cock. His cock is just average. True a lot of black men have large cocks, but not all. But it’s more about the things we do together. Going out, movies, travel, restaurants, hugs, kisses, laughter, and being there for each other. We help each other out, be it financially, spiritually, and being there when one of is is down or not feeling well. We interact with each others families when we can. We share our past, present, and talk about our jobs, others, our travels, likes, dislikes, and emotionally lift each other up. The best thing in life is a good friendship, relationship, and its so much better than just a suck, fuck blow and go.

  11. Lamar

    Some one who is down-to-earth, confident, intelligent, masculine (not acting) knows what he wants and what he’s doing, some one who is seriously looking for someone whom he finds more special than all the rest. Some one who can carry a great conversation, some one who is flexible, open-minded sexually with a good libido, reasonably good-looking, ht-weight proportionate, my age-group and comfortable being so. And just all around, a good human-being, period.

  12. Okzebrs2

    I’d settle for the one on top in the picture for this article being, as I am, more like the one on the bottom spreading his legs to receive.

  13. RadicalDelusoon

    I found my soulmate. But at the time, i wasn’t ready, and sabotaged it by running away. We are so much alike, we understand and love the things about each other that nobody else ever got. We can look at each other across the room and know exactly what we are thinking. We finish each other sentences, or one of us can start mumbling gibberish in the other person can completely articulate what that person was trying to say. And, our differences balance each other out perfectly. We love most of the same things, but also introduced new things to each other. We can spend an entire day doing everything together, or we can spend a day in the same room doing separate things in comfortable silence, without our energies clashing. We always put each others’ feelings above our own. Now, the universe has brought us back into each others’ lives & we are best friends. The love is still there, but current circumstances are such that we cannot be together in that way, for now. But i’m learning that what’s meant to be will be, and when the universe brings you your true love, DO NOT be afraid! Embrace it. Unless there’s someone else out there with whom I share all of these things with, i will never love anyone else. But that’s ok because if it’s meant to be it will be.

  14. RadicalDelusoon

    I forgot to say that we are both musicians, write music together, have similar senses of humor, feel 100% at ease around each other. We’re both masculine (but not super butch). People always give us the, “are they or aren’t they?” stares when we’re together in public. We can talk for hours and it seems like minites. We never fight, because we’ve learned that any past argument was just the result of a miscommunication. We laugh a lot. People who see us together have said that we make no sense and seem to have our own language. We never need to ask each other for anything, because we can always sense when the other person need something before they have to ask

  15. bjjj

    Just wanted to say, I love the photo at the top of this blog. Sean Cody with a hot black man. I am white and my Bf is black. Although both of us are older, we are very much into each other. It’s time that racial differences be put aside, as love can be had with any race or nationality.

  16. Wayne

    I prefer them to be a soft fem, transgender or transexual who is a total bottom. No one night stands. Take it slow so we can get to know each other. Not many fems around or someone who will admit. Not into the flaming type… you you got it together there is no need to be an attention seeker.

  17. Jay

    I think people make it more difficult than it has to be. Having a list of things you want a guy to be may hinder you from meeting someone incredible, simply because they are not tall enough or rich enough (or whatever other trait they may be lacking). I try to go by how I feel with someone. Is there a natuarl chemistry/attraction? Are they easy to talk to? Are their values in line with mine? Are they hard working and do they have goals.
    My only requirement is sexually. I’m a top and I don’t like my ass ate or played woth, so I am looking for a bottom that is ok with that (which has not been hard to find). Ditch the “must have” list of requirements (or revise it to a realistic list) and try to accept someone as they are. Let nature take its course to determine if he’s a good match. If not, on to the next potential partner.

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