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Speak Out: Would You Choose To Be Straight?

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All too often I’d read this particular question in forums: “If you could choose whether to be straight or gay, what would you rather be?” Most often than not, the respondents would say they’d rather be themselves (with hopes that they’d be accepted for who they are).

What about you, what would your choice be and why?

We are asking because we stumbled upon a thread of similar nature over at Reddit where the guy’s ex-boyfriend chose to be straight and proceeded to marry a woman.

Life in general, is difficult, and day in and day out we are faced with hard choices. Personally, I think the decision is up to the person himself. After all, he is the one who has to live with his own choices and no one else. Me, I believe in going after what I want and in creating the kind of life that will make me happy but reality is, of course, much harder and harsher. The path to happiness is indeed quite thorny.

In addition, there are many other things that divide us without adding sexual orientation to the mix: social and economic status, color, race, culture, and yes, even gender to name a few. And the LGBT community in particular, being the minority, has to contend with many issues such as gay rights, discrimination (workplace, housing, school, foster care, and yes—even in jails), parenting issues, bullying, violence, health (depression, suicide) and many more. These issues are perhaps the very reason why this question is asked again and again.

Having said all that, if you could actually choose your sexual orientation, would you rather be straight? Why or why not?

Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.


There are 77 comments

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  1. bob

    i myself love being gay I was married an have two children but it just wasnt right I felt very uncomfortable an yes I did cheat on my ex wife with men and now i did come out and I am so happy I would rather be in the arms of a man 100% so to the question I would rather be gay an happy than straight an unhappy

  2. Chris

    AT BEST it’s a stupid question that encourages and reinforces the “fact,” for far right conservatives, that sexual orientation is a matter of choice. At worst, it’s a pernicious question that is shocking to find on a gay male sex site! You’ve gone beyond the absurd with this topic.

  3. Jake

    I am straight but bi-male, Why I enjoy the company of males more then woman. I can do a lot of things I cannot do with a woman, Like suck and be sucked the way I want my cocked suck.
    I also can bottom for the right if he so want to go that way.

  4. Matt

    Omg. I prayed and prayed and cried and cried and prayed some more. I love myself and appreciate all what God has done and continue to do for me but oh how I wish I was straight. Living as a black man in a very religious family in a small town has made it unbelievably hard. I got married, had kids and all that trying to be straight.

      • probjstabtm

        Same here. well all except the crying and loving thy self. I’ve asked the big “G” to take this shit away from my psyche so many times too. i’m bi which means i do have a choice right? so how f’d up do you think it makes me feel when i catch myself wanting to suck a dick, or even wanting to take a dick in my asshole. It makes me feel weak and unworthy of his or almost anyone’s love.

      • Matt

        I’m still not out. My wife eventually left me and I was fine with it. She never caught me with a dude but she suspected it. Life is still tough living this lie. Not being able to be me and sneaking around having sex with guys and being active in church. Watching football and drinking beer with the guys. Joining in on conversation about fucking the cheerleaders and really wanting to fuck the football tight end. Lol

        • riverdude84

          Matt, our lives are twins. Exact same here. Complete with a “suspecting” ex, kids, lots of str8 buddies who think I just have not found the right 2nd wife yet. Football, basketball, cookouts, poker, you name it, all around masc guy, except I like dick. And the company of men. Another thing, I am in love with one of my best friends. He is single too now. Even though I know nothing will ever become of “us” I just can’t bring myself to hookup anymore because it is like i am cheating on him. He is always on the look out for a future bride or a quickie if he has been drinking. You ever had any experiences with your buddies?

  5. Joe

    In a strange way yes I would. But not because I hate being gay. More that I hate the gay culture that thrives on stereotypes and seemingly insane fantasies of “hot.” There is so much entitlement going on in our community that the majority of guys would rather be alone because they “deserve” some greek God looking boyfriend vs just getting to know and love a regular guy. It borderlines on sickening. Yes we all have fantasies and “types” but the rigidness in which the majority of the community exists is horrific if you don’t measure up to the porn star/super model/six pack with pecs of death look. And it’s not like most guys are even nice about it. They tell you full stop how unattractive they find you, and why. There’s not even any basic human respect nor a modicum of tact. So, just because of the way other gay men treat me, yes I would choose to be straight if I could be just to remove myself from having to be part of a tribe that is just so nasty and self-focused.

    • MDAxeman

      Amen! As a Black man who had many redneck friends, when asked how can that happen I always said: “Rednecks are fine as long as you’re real with them. The most closed-minded people I’ve ever met were gay men.”

  6. _rampant_

    To be either totally straight out totally gay is a blessing. It’s living in a shade of grey somewhere in between that I find so challenging…

  7. Barebackbuddy

    Who wants to be str8?..Gay people are more talented attractive and generally more fun. If i could do it all again..gay all the way.

    • Michael Prince

      I agree ,100% with the above comment gays are better looking have more talent and fun ….and just think if there were no gays there would be no Hollywood ….

  8. MusicBear88

    I would not choose to be straight, bi, pansexual, or anything other than what I am, which is gay. It’s taken me a long time to accept and love myself for who I am and I’m not about to screw that up. As far as people I’m attracted to, they can be anything they want, as long as they’re interested in me!

  9. Pera

    There would be no point for me in being straight since I have absolutely no interest in having kids. The main reason for someone to get with a person of the opposite sex is to have children. In many parts of the world, marriages are arranged for the purpose of having kids. When that factor is out of the question, what’s the point.

      • Pera

        Maybe not to you, but to me it does. And that’s okay.
        In a lot of history there was a saying about “women are for function, men are for pleasure”. The main reason for getting a woman was to have kids. Other than this reason, you don’t need a woman.

  10. Jal

    I’m unfortunately at such a crossroads in my life where I don’t know what the answer to that question would be

    I’d still have family and carry on a somewhat different and I’m sure pleasurable life

    But I’m certain I’ve learned a lot concerning the respect of others because of the hardships being a minority in this society has caused.

    Nope as I’m typing and thinking on this – it’s fairly clear that I’ve become a better, more conscious person strongly because of my sexual development.

    +1 LGBT

  11. tablechef

    No I’m happy with the plan..however If I was No and I’m not….would be perfectly ok..even though I have done the girl to have the boyfriend…i guess you can call me whore…lol..Peace

  12. Thad

    I am just fine being gay and don’t find the need to change. Besides, the mere thought of seeing or touching or, shudder, fucking a female pussy makes me quite squeamish. A big dick up my ass for me, and another guy sucking my dick, and I’m set for the holidays.

  13. Randy

    If I had a choice, I would rather be straight. I was married for 14 years and had two sons. I kept my orientation hidden. I knew I had to be myself or I was going to go crazy. I felt like there was a war going on inside my head. I’m 63 years old and I’ve had four lovers in my lifetime so far. I found that the past relationships I was in, too much drama! I’ve been single for 6 years. I wish I was straight and would have stayed married.

  14. Darrell

    I have been married to a woman for over 30 years and have a family. I secretly lust for men. I tremendously enjoy man to man contact and sex. That said, I would prefer to be straight and not have these gay feelings, living a straight life as a husband father and grandfather.

  15. Ksgargoyle

    What? U knew I was gay before the third grade. There was a choice? Wow. Ruins the theory we were born this way. In Kansas, and at my age of growing up, no one wanted to be known as gay. Trust me

  16. Ksgargoyle

    What? I knew I was gay before the third grade. There was a choice? Wow. Ruins the theory we were born this way. In Kansas, and at my age of growing up, no one wanted to be known as gay. Trust me

  17. Top_n

    You’re implying that gay men have a choice and we are not born this way. While some of us do choose to be gay and love another man, many of us simply are not attracted to women. With that being said I choose to love another man than love a women.

    There are many challenges to loving another man. Not just in the society eyes but the relationship itself can be difficult. Being marred to a women for more then 20 years and now in a relationship with a man for eight the same sex is much harder. Yet I would choose this over the past anytime.

    The gay “world” is hard. But I think we create a lot of the issues ourselves. We think that everyone should except us and forget about or don’t care about their rights. We make it harder for society to except us as a group because we can not except and respect each other. There are way to many hankies and to much judgement among us.

    Would I choose to be gay? The answer is yes. I choose to follow the path no matter how rough or how many potholes that makes me the happiest in the end.

    • johnnie10

      your use of the except is very incorrect and totally change what I know you mean to say. the word you meant to use was accept, meaning to be okay with they way you are, the work except means to exclude from a specific group so you totally talked against being gay instead of being in favor of being gay.

  18. Bondye

    Why does it matter? To procreate is the number one male instinct. Why label sexuality, when it is matter of preference. No matter straight gay bi transgender from my experience the labeling only makes the community not want to procreate, and I believe we should be procreating the most because of what we experienced from labels and overcoming adversity. If I had to choose im human, with the desire of seeing my spirit passed on to as many takers as I can. More love less judgement

  19. Joe

    Awesome question. I am a married man and bi my whole life. My wife of 34 yrs knows and also had sex with women. We are totally happy and have 3 kids ages from 30-19. Just be yourself and if you have a partner, gay, bi. or whatever, just be yourself. I don’t want to be gay, or straight,. I love women as a lover, wife, mother, companion. I like men for male bonding. Like sex, work talk, complaining about women and good relief.(sex) just be yourself. I know many readers don’t accept bi men. I AM truly bi. I can get hard, women or men. Please don’t judge the bi guys or gals. This is a great site. I have met a lot of nice guys here and most of the guys are just like me. I do respect gay men and women and just hope they do respect bi men and women. We all have our needs.

    • nikko allen

      JOE , WHAT A GREAT ATTITUDE AND ANSWER . FOR ALL THOSE BI FOLKS GAY MEN AND BI WOMEN AS WELL, CHEERS TO U, WELL SAID,, AND I TOTALLY AGREE WITH UR BELIEF , AND ANYONE LIKE U WHO HAS ANY KIND OF BRAIN UNDERSTANDS UR ENERGY AND THOUGHTS I SURE DO AND I AM TOTALLY GAY MAN BUT TO HEAR A BI MAN WHO UNDERSTANDS NEEDS AND WANTS AND HAS A FAMILY THAT IS GREAT GOOD LUCK AND HAVE SOME BI GAY STR8 FUN ALWAYS, A NICE GUY HERE, WHO AGREES WITH YOU, MAYBE EVEN MEET U SOMEDAY WOOF,, THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR HONEST OPINION AND OPENESS, OK,,,

      • Jay

        Lucky Joe. Seems you and your wife figured it out. I’ve observed wives suspect their husband of having an inclination towards men. They deal with it in the negative way by further emasculating thorough insults and other things until the guy is pushed into the safe open arms of a man. Your wife took a different approach and kudos for not having to experience the trauma, embarrassment, and destructive path most couples take when it comes down to a few moments in bed. Glad you kept your life intact.

  20. ty

    I would say straight also. Why get married just to add a third or a fourth. There are more racist in the gay community then there is in the so called straight. If you’re not out you come across those who force you to come out because they feel you shouldn’t hide. Which is a form a bullying.

  21. YoYo Mama

    Of course. Their lives are much easier. Who wouldn’t want to be “normal?” To have a family, to have all the advantages? I wanted to be straight as a kid. My sexuality betrayed me as it developed. One of life’s many heartaches. The best men are generally straight. They have better sex, too.

  22. TiredOfIt

    I’m bi and more-or-less abandoned the “gay ghetto” lifestyle when the pandemic hit LA in ’80. I’ve pretty much lived the str8 lifestyle ever since. The test of time has proven it to be a VERY wise decision. I still hook up very infrequently, and almost all the guys I meet remind me of why I left back then. The gay community has VERY little of which to be proud since the pandemic. We did…gay liberation was our thing, and I’m very proud of the groundwork we laid to give all these methed up butt-sprung bitches the freedoms that they abuse today. Screw ’em all…losers.

  23. CelticBrave on A4a

    Hell No!
    Having had an almost full blooded Native American Dad, a US Marien that was Proud of his two-sighted son, a bedarche…
    I don’t think I would be as creative if I were straight…
    So for the sake of my ART- Asian & Western Watercolor, Watercolor Pencils rendering and other arts & crafts, including tapesrty work.
    My Music- I have a belending voice & enjoy sing harmony, Playing quite a few muscial instruments, Ie string like one of my few Celtic Harps or acustic guitar– wind as in orchestral flute & bagpipes– even percussian ie xylophone, steel drums & vibraharp…
    Again, my Answer would be and Is NO!

  24. Hunter0500

    “Life in general, is difficult, and day in and day out we are faced with hard choices.”

    I’m saddened for anyone who has this outlook on life. How sad to wake up every day and expect that the world and every one in it will shit on you before you’ve even had a cup of coffee. And how sad that that is going to be how it is in the hours going forward.

    Life is as full of challenges and as it is in full triumphs. In between there much smooth a sailing as we choose there to be. During those in between times it’s a matter of what course we choose to follow.

    I really can’t fathom an answer to the question posed here about choosing to be straight or gay. Both paths have challenges and happiness. Neither guarantees either. Both leave happiness really in your own hands, no one else’s.

  25. Guy21

    I knew from very early that I was attracted to men, I just didn’t know a lot as it was a taboo in my house and community. It’s not a choice for me, just happened naturally and I am very proud to be a gay guy and wouldn’t ask to be anything less.

  26. Rob

    If I could choose, I probably would choose straight. However, that is because I feel it was repeated over and over again to me, just like many other children now, that I would marry a woman and have kids. Also a majority of the guys I have the hots for are straight. Just because I’m happy with who I am, doesnt mean that I couldn’t see myself in another life happy as well.

  27. Roy

    I’m married have been for 25 years 4 kids I’m glad I had the kids and raised them with that being said I suck more cocks and get fucked by men more than I ever do my wife . Do I feel bad yes I do but I’m am gay and really have no desire to have str8 sex I get all squimish and a sick feeling deep inside . I was meant to be with men I am so comfortable with them even in a threesome scenario as long as I am the bottom I love as many cocks at one time as I can get.

  28. Erik

    Would I choose to be straight? Absolutely not. What a boring, predictable lifestyle. It never felt right to me even as a child. When I was young (6 years old), my parents would tell me: One day you’ll have children of your own. And I remember thinking, No. No I won’t.

  29. Rex Serpens

    Ha ha ha – no! Why trade (pointing to all parts of body) this — statistically more hyper-masculine-than-a-straight-guy and larger-penis-than-a-straight-guy option? I’m far too beautiful and perfect in my own skin and life. Show up to mother-f***ing own it! And remember if curious about that ‘straight’ guy…usually after the sixth beer he’s just one away….

  30. Otterdad

    I would rather be straight.It can be quite a lonely life living by yourself with no wife,children,grandchildren. The gay life is all about sex and that’s it
    The older you get the more you are considered unattractive and rejection sets in sexually.Most gay men don’t want to bother with you or be a part of your life.There is control games drama constantly..Consider yourself lucky if you can hold on to a gay friend. The discrimination.humiliation, harassment by the straight community and the law and police is terrible for gay men.Who wants that. I certainly would choose to be straight but my sexual gay thoughts of being with another man intrude.I also need to feel sexier and wanted more by women to improve my self image.If I had to be born here on earth again I would hope to be 100% straight and get the life I was cheated out of in this one.

  31. 55btmguy

    I lived a straight life for 45 years (with an occasional gay hook up) but finally admitted it to myself that I love gay sex and being gay, although it is a harder life especially living in a small town area and it doesn’t help that it seems there is more drama in the gay life which I don’t like the drama but I love having a cock in my mouth and ass .

  32. crp5591

    Heck no! Then I would have to deal with crazy women! I see the hell their crazyness puts our straight brothers through and every day I thank my lucky stars that I don’t have to deal with them!

    (I know that is sexist and misogynist, but oh well… just not a fan)

  33. Kirt28202

    I would choose to be Straight, Good Looking, Charming, Cool and with a 9-inch dick. Like one of those guys in the Hallmark movies. That was easy.

  34. Goldenloverinmym

    hell yes i should have owned that i was gay much sooner in my life. Drama that was me when i was str8 crazy women fucked my head up for many years. i’m doing my own thing way now get laid when i can the sex is better than ever before. and i like having sex now.before i dreaded it trying to play the str8 guy, the whole wine me dine me thing i didn’t like as men we know what we like. if ya want to hook up lets get naked n nasty. i know what i like n what feels good to me and makes other feel good too
    life is what you make of it enjoy it guys
    Dean

  35. Will

    If i could choose straight then i would in a heart beat i mean i like being gay sort of well at least the sex part of it but for some reason in the gay community men seem to only like me cause of my skin color and not for me and i can never seem to find a date that doesnt end in sex
    But with women its not about my race and my dates would always end in a mice cuddle session or make out and no sex and i really miss that im ready to settle down hahaha

    • Pera

      I usually state to people that if you are able to be with a woman they are better off with them. If you look at the overall picture of life, a woman more easily provides so much more for their partner than men usually do. Even as a fully gay person, I can see this, having had some amazing female friends over the years.

  36. Rick

    When I was younger I wanted these feelings to go away more than anything, with everything I have gone through in my life, if there was a choice I would have taken it in a heartbeat.

  37. Matt

    I simply REFUSE to be labeled “gay”, “straight”, or anything. I am a man…full stop. Who I choose to fuck is no one’s business…full stop. I have no obligation to label myself to advance a political agenda that marginalizes me…full stop.

  38. Lamar

    Personally, I think the “Creator” has through nature implemented homosexuality within humanity, across the board, as a checks/balance in which to curb human over population. That would be for our own good and to protect nature at large; from us, so, I feel “chosen,” just as I do as an African American, in which all humanity has sprung from. As a Spiritual man, I handle my homosexuality with respect and dignity, in which there are sacrifices, just like as hetero’s sacrifice, greatly, as we all know quite well. Once you’re a parent, it’s not about you, but rather, your child/children first.

    We, that did not choose to be, but chose to accept who we are sexually. I would have made a very good dad and that, is what hurts, as a sacrifice. Not to mention, all too often with gay men, they can’t see beyond their dicks when it comes to actually loving someone, ’cause all to often they’re like, adolescents in a damn candy store or something. So, we mostly grow old alone, that, is where there’s a lot of self-imposed sadness is…

  39. Billed12

    I knew as amiddle school student that I liked dick. Still, thought i could repress the urge. I was married straight for 20 plus years with 2 young adult children. I would not trade anything for the experience of children.
    I can say I enjoy the sex with a guy but dislike attempting to nurture relationships with other men.
    I still like to look at a beautiful woman but overall like being gay.

  40. Questioning

    For me, being 63, I feel as many posted, that gay guys can be so shallow sometimes. Hide behind pseudo-names online. Say horrible things because you are protected by anonymity. Hurting the ones who can care the most (other gay people). All in all. If I could do it over, AND HAVE A CHOICE (which I do not think exists), would prefer the less stressful STR8 life with wife and kids.

    I was lucky. My family accepted me. Most friends accepted me right away (did they already know?). I am now married to a man (together 30 years). I love him to pieces. Sex has dwindled, so OPEN. That is how I discovered the shallowness of the community. So cruel sometimes.

  41. Fuzzy

    Well, I would choose straight. I’m not gay nor straight, it’s even a stretch to call me bi. What I can say is I have a limited attraction to women and strong attraction to men. I’ve dated both, was engaged to both but married neither for unrelated issues. How my mind works is when I’m involved, there is nobody else action wise, but mental and emotional urges arise occasionally. I’m the most open minded black guy you might find. I’m honest, I communicate and keep things real. It’s easier to date women once you’ve found one, but more convenient to date men, since I have the 6pack and the award winning smile that some like to ridicule as I’ve read. Nothing wrong with wanting a Greek food like man, just be realistic, there’s always a compromise. Religion plays a part, a great part. Being more than active in a church, I’m faced not only with family but parishioners eying my every move. It’s tough being yourself when the self that you are is not the self people need and expect you to be. Straight would make my life completely better. Even if it’s boring it would be simple!

  42. Bob

    I’d much rather be straight. My family has no idea about me being gay. I have gay friends in their late 50s and mid 60s who are still quite attractive but feel they are less than because they are not young anymore. It is a very judgmental group of people, gay men that is, re looks. Would I want to not have the trauma of childhood and adolescence when others knew what I was and I had no idea because I was too good of a kid to even think of sex at all. I did not even jack off until I was 19. I had really wanted kids and a wife and a family. I am now accepting of who I am and I love the sex, but yes I’d rather be straight. And I love me, I always have, I have never hated me ever or even that I am gay. I would just rather have that other life.

  43. Rano

    I want to be 100% straight. I want to cherish the smooth breast, I want to make women scream for more. I pray and I pray, till today. I’m married and have children I make my wife cum I have 3 some during my youth wmw. I hated to be gay but I’m living bi Married under the closet. I came from conservative religious people. Help me to be 100 % straight any pill, anything. I’m tried so hard but no cure yet. I hated myself yet I crave for a great sex only with man.

  44. Tancredo Buff

    In 1991 I went to NYC by the time of Pride and it was the first time. I felt so good and welcomed by the rainbow of people. It makes me reflect that I love who I love and I have to celebrate it for my contribution to society and the respect I give to life.

  45. Terry

    I would never choose to be straight, because I’m not. I don’t think I would have accepted myself and been as secure in my self at this point in my life, I wouldn’t have had the same experiences and growth if I didn’t question something to personal to my being.

    So no…

  46. Rob

    Not only would I never choose to be straight (if it was a choice), I hope that the gay factor is deep down at the quantum level, that no matter what reincarnation I become, I will always be the proud gay one.

    Gays Rule!

  47. alan

    I would definitely not choose to be straight. It is a silly question since we do not choose our sexual orientation. I love being gay and have been all my life with never a moment of sexual attraction to females.


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