Speak Out : #MeToo and Sexual Abuse In The Gay Community
Over the past couple of weeks, social media was flooded by the viral hashtag #MeToo. All over the world, women used the hashtag to share their own experiences of being sexually harassed and assaulted. Reading through the stories is a heart-wrenching exercise, and is sure to drive home the immensity of the situation.
Because it came in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal, #MeToo rightly focused on stories of harassment and abuse directed at women. That said, harassment and abuse is not unheard of in the gay community.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence survey, 26 percent of gay men and 37 percent of bisexual men experience rape, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner, compared to 29 percent of heterosexual men. Meanwhile, 40 percent of gay men and 47 percent of bisexual men have experienced sexual violence other than rape, compared to 21 percent of heterosexual men.
There are a number of things that make it difficult for gay and bisexual men to come out and talk about their experiences, aside from the shame that surrounds assault. Another factor is how we as a community are much more forward when it comes to sex than straight people may be. In gay clubs, wandering hands touching parts of your body is an accepted thing. Flirting between gay guys can involve language much stronger than straight people are used to, and it may prove difficult for some people to realize that they’ve already crossed a line.
If you or someone you know is a victim of rape or assault, call the 24/7 National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673.
We want to ask you guys where you draw the line between flirting and harassment. What are the hard rules that you abide by, whether you’re the one being flirted with or the one flirting? How have you protected yourself from harassment? What have you done when it’s been made clear to you that the person you’re talking with feels harassed rather than flirted with? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.
If you’re gay, sexual assault and harassment are a part of daily life if you’re single and trying to find your partner. What is your only option to meet guys? The bars. The apps are all married guys looking for sex so we venture out to try and meet someone. Then, you get groped, grabbed, flat out sexually assaulted. Then the assaulters make you feel PRUDISH for not welcoming the assault. That’s the difference between the gay and straight worlds, boys and girls. Straight women scream bloody murder and mobilize heaven and earth when they’re touched inappropriately. For us gays, it’s just another day.
Wow, what a tough subject. With all the fetishes in our community that is rough, dominate or even rape fetishes where is the line? I believe it is where touching is concerned or when the guy says no or not interested.
No one should be touched unless it is invited. This applies really when two or more are strangers meeting up at a bar or social gathering.
I am interested where others would draw the line at.
In many states it cannot legally be classified as harassment unless you have already verbally instructed the person doing the harassing that you are uncomfortable with it. Then and only then can you call it harassment.
I draw the line clearly. IF I feel uncomfortable, or if the person has said they’re uncomfortable with being flirted with, I stop. It doesn’t matter who’s uncomfortable. That’s where the line is drawn to me.
Do I like kinky play, bd and sm? Yes. But I make it very clear in advance to my partner what I’m into, what my interests are and aren’t. I make damn sure it’s very clear and understood well before we even meet up to play. There’s a difference between play scenes, however extreme and kinky they may be and rape. The former is fine, the latter is not.
Everyone now days wanna say they was abused. Move on. Stop living in the past. If I can, so can you. Stop being big babies
Exposing someone to hiv by lying about your status is sexual assault. Let’s add that to the list.
Not in California apparently.
A reality of immediate gratification demanding hyper-indulgence may encourage that you “forget” to indulge.
I was abused by two employers. One was a woman who ” fired” me because I refused her advances. The second was with a male boss who made it clear if I did not have sex with him, I would not have a job. I was young and broke so I was forced into it. I though he was my friend but when funding for the project we were working on came up for review, he wrote me out of the project to cover his ass. This all happened back in the late 70’s when it was more difficult to be out then it is now.
beat da fckn shit outta that crazy old kween stalking & sex harassed.
we really need to stop with accepting all that groping nonsense at the club or bars. i’m vocal about it, so no i’m not letting it happen lol! keep your hands to yourselves. just because i might wear ‘sexy’ clothing, the typical tight jeans/pants, maybe the shirt is a little fitted, doesn’t mean you just take a grab. And stop touching women’s boobs at gay bars lol! No, boobs are not that interesting, stop pretending like it is, we’re supposed to like men only, so I never knew what that was all about. But Besides actual sexual abuse and molestation, the # 1 type of abuse we get are those gay bashers saying all kinds of slurs, but deep down want to sleep with us treating us like a piece of meat, a fetish. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention jail rape and the massive killings and assault on trans women?
It’s no surprise when women are in the thick of bringing out their histories of sexual abuse that many gays are quick to muscle into the spotlight and shout “me too! me too!”.
Abuse of women by men in the workplace is far different than gay sexual abuse. How often have gays been abused because they hooked up with a guy they decided was Prince Charming after only briefly chatting with him or as the result of another night of too much alcohol and drugs at a club? They hoped they’d have great sex only to find out the Prince had other ideas about what great sex was. While some gays have undergone abuse in the workplace, the hookup abuse scenario certainly covers many of the cases.
Let women have they’re day about sexual abuse by men. Let society focus on it. Leave the separate topic of gay abuse for sometime down the road.
A long time ago I was at a porno store… sucking dick in the back video booth… I had sucked this guy with a large thick dick thru a glory hole for a while when he asked if he could come into my booth… I unlocked my door and was mortified to find my sergeant from work opened the door and stepped in… it was awkward for a second, but he pulled his dick out and i started sucking… I didn’t particularly like him or was even attracted to him.. but he would have me service him at least once a week for several years .. till he retired…. he said I sucked better than his wife ever did… I sucked him for so long cause I kind of felt like I had to…