Speak Out : When my Hairy Chest Bothers my Date
So out of curiosity tonight, I asked him how set in stone his rule was about body hair and he said that it was pretty solid as he finds body hair a turn off. Not really the answer I was expecting.
I have a hairy chest that I usually keep trimmed. I’m not a fan of being hairy. It looks great on other, fit men, but not on me.
So he asked me if I minded removing it if it bothered him. I responded that as long as I could use trimmers without a guard and not a razor I would be ok with it but he never answered the question, partly my fault as I asked a different question, incidentally changing the conversation.
All evening this has been at the back of my mind and I’m not sure how to feel about this. I know that it is a superficial issue but why should I have to change something for someone else? Why can’t he accept me for all that I am, hair and all?
I have enough body issues from within myself and the emotional scars that my ex left and his doesn’t help.
What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear them. Just please keep them friendly.
Jason (ncboy1982_ on Adam4Adam)
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Jason, I honestly think that the person who is definitely right for you will take you just as you are. If you submit to changing from the beginning your partner will always find something else to change.
Good hunting brother!
Well I think if you re read your article you should realize that this guy isn’t worth the effort..what’s so great about him..that he doesn’t have sex until the 3rd date..he’s already indicated something he doesn’t like about your body..what’s next ? if the chemistry is as good as you think it is he should accept you for all that you are… 2 words…move on
His profile says no sex unto the third date, not anything that applies to me directly.
The more hair on a man the better I will love him, love hair all over is great.
Personally, I love furry chests so I don’t get why they bother people. Perhaps he’s secretly jealous that he’s not furry like you?
Ncboy1982…you shouldn’t have to change yourself completely for any one be proud and confident in who and what you have, there is someone out there who will love all that hair, it just may take some time finding him
Jason,
I’m right there with you. I have a bit of fur and I don’t particularly like it on me. It’s fine on others but I keep things trimmed very neatly without a guard.
I’ve had the exact opposite as of late. Guys want me to grow it out. It will not happen. I don’t like it grown out and I won’t do it. I’m not willing to change this personal grooming habit either.
Stick to your guns, buddy. The right guy will accept us as we are and until then, we have to keep kissing the toads!
Chris
Tell him to go fuck himself. You don’t ever conform to some prickly asshole to gain love. Stick to your chops and lose that flop. He is not worth you changing yourself for him. He needs to change his ignorant attitude to be with you.
move on man…if he is that shallow and unyielding about body hair he sounds like he is way too high maintenance…find someone who will appreciate you the way you are
WTF? A hairy chest is an issue?? Done. lol
He sounds like he has an awful lot of rules. Why exactly do you like him again?
I’m fascinated by his old school ways and he’s very handsome. so far that’s really it.
Jason, your first mind or gut reaction is typically your best option and yours seem to be why change who you are or how you were born to make someone else happy. In the larger sense your right. I’ve learned this to be true but I also know that we often make alterations in our appearance for others for many reasons less significant than finding a partner or mate. We follow dress codes either for all or informal at work or school. Groom ourselves in a variety of ways. So while I agree with your gut I would caution ⚠ you on getting hung up on whether you should or shouldn’t have to but instead simply consider whether you’re willing to and if so why? In other words, is this guy worth accommodating at this stage. If he was or even potentially could be then you probably wouldn’t be asking the question in the first place.
I like hairy chests,I guess on some guys it might not look so hot but I will not tell someone to shave it off because I might not be into that. To tell some body that you are not into some thing like that then tell them they should shave is wrong. A guy witha hairy chest is hot in my opinion I like running my fingers thru it and also licking and playing with nipples as well.
His hangup about body hair is his problem, not yours! Own what you have and wear it with pride in yourself. You should not have to alter yourself in such a way to bend to others’ likes / dislikes.
This question depends on the guy asking and the guy answering. Like, yeah, I love body hair, but that doesn’t mean the guy you’re seeing will, nor does body hair mean I’ll automatically like you.
I would have said here it is take it or leave it.
We are men. And men are meant to be hairy by nature. If he wants smooth, tell him to date a female. Simple as that!
Hair on men is not only sexy, but is a sign of adulthood and masculinity.
Males having hair in various parts of the body is perfectly natural tho some guys are naturally smooth. Looks like it was his loss by insisting you shave.
I say keep the chest hair and any other parts of the body that are hairy. Too many guys today shave everything and look more like dolls then men. It took me long enough to get the chest and stomach hair I have today and would tell someone wanting me to shave it off to take a hike. I like guys that are hairy
Mild to moderate body hair especially on muscular men is hot, clean shaven works as well. Excessive body and facial hair is not attractive at all and is rather primal looking.
Hey
Chest hair are very sexy. I have chest hair and I like them alot.
When you meet him, open your two or three buttons. Let him see and enjoy manly chest. He will digg where your nipples are from your open shirt.
Don’t shave or cut them. He is already too demanding… what’s up with that .. 😉
Chest hair only bothers idiots. Real men love hair and I do love a hairy man. Hairier ther better
Easy…good bye.
I don’t see this going anywhere. Don’t try to force it…if you’re not clicking with someone then move on and you’ll be a lot happier.
most important rule is be yourself. if you want to be natural and hairy, then do so. tou much wasted time and energy to try and change for someone else. we are who we are, and Id rather be with someone who accepts the whole person as is.
I’d move on Jason. I can understand some compromises, but personally, I would not enjoy so much upkeep if I had to constantly shave my chest to please someone so much. It seems clear it’s a complete turnoff to him, and that’s his right, but I’d prefer to find someone that is accepting of all of me. If I wanted to be hen pecked for little things, I’d go back to women. Not. I’d enjoy your hairy chest I’m sure). I’d love to see it 🙂
I think you’re wasting your time with this guy. If you’re just looking for sex, its out there. If you’re seeking a relationship I don’t think this is the guy for you
You’re hairy. He doesn’t like hairy. Without a lot of work and expense, you’ll always be hairy. He doesn’t like hairy. There’s lots fur lovers out there. We all have at least one NO WAY item. Sounds like hairy is his. Move on.
Jason, I think you should look for other company. This will only be the start of him “fixing” you with what he sees a wrong with you. We can’t change who we are anymore than we can affect the genetics that decide if we have hair or not. Be at peace with your body and look. Let him hunt elsewhere and ruin someone else’s life.
Move on. A hairy chest is sexy and hot!
You said the key word here yourself, “Superficial”. People are either interested in you as a whole person, or they are not.
You shouldn’t need to jump through a bunch of hoops, just so you’re an object of sexual desire for a single individual.
You are what you are take it or leave it, there are plenty of others that wouldn’t care about having sone chest hair.
Take a minute and think about where does it stop? You remove the hair then whats the next issue, nipple size, freakles, a mole perhaps?
The majority if grown men have hair on their bodies, and all this shaving, waxing, trimming, obsession some gay men seem to have, makes me wonder about their underlying twisted desire for prepubescent fantasy.
A hairs a hair, its not the end if the world.
I’m sorry dude, but he’s just not that into you.
If having hair is the basis of a “deal-breaker”, then it’s time to more on.
A lot of guys, and me personally don’t mind a hairy guy.
Just sayin.
Hair is masculine and therefore sexy. However, fat is not. The trimming you should be doing is of your weight.
I would say: there are lots of good fish in the sea. Not to pour salt in the wound, but think back on your ex and ask yourself how much you sublimated who you are in order to be with him. Then decide if you might be doing it with this guy all over again— even over something as minimal as chest hair! That’s a slippery slope. There are many, many guys out there for whom a hairy chest is a major swoon-factor. There’s no reason to beat yourself up about having one!
smooth only hairy is gross. shaving ? who wants prickly during sex?
Keep looking… I would not trim/shave my body hair for no one. There will be one that will love it.
Find somebody who appreciates your body hair. There are guys out there that do prefer hairy men.
This is a big issue in your life?
Kill yourself then?
that was an asshole response
Well that is a bit harsh. Clearly it’s not a huge issue but an issue i wanted an opinion on. I surely hope that if you went to your friends for advice that they would not give you the same advice you gave me. Have a great day.
You found a guy who told you, “he doesn’t like body hair.”
So then you “asked him how set in stone his rule was about body hair and he said that it was pretty solid as he finds body hair a turn off. Not really the answer I was expecting.”
What other answer should or could he have given you?
Why did you put your hand into the fire and subject yourself to body image issues? Next time, recognize that a guy isn’t a match for you and move graciously.
He could have just said it was a preference, not a turn off.
If I push every guy I talk to away cause a preference or issue wasn’t a match, I’ll never have a chance of meeting anyone. Sometimes you have to look over some things to get to know someone.
Be yourself. If someone wants you to change before they even really get to know you, they’re not the right person for you in the first place. I have a hairy chest and body hair and have gone through the same thought process, but, in the end have chosen to be who I am. I wish you luck on your dating, but, remember be true to who you are. You should never have to change your appearance just to make someone else like you.
Sounds like a relationship that is doomed before it begins.
This dude seems a bit nuts, and HJGH MAINTENANCE , by asking you to trim your hairy chest, while going on a first date.
Keep your hairy chest and move on..,there’s plenty of men, who will love you, just the way you are.
We haven’t gone on a date yet nor really talked about it
Next! If he won’t be turned on by how you are then and he didnt answer your question, then there’s a chance it won’t turn out to be a ltr. Just my opinion, life is short, find someone who truly accepts you the way you are.
Having a hairy chest is just a small part of who you are. If your date can’t accept one small part then he doesn’t deserve the whole.
Never change your body for someone else. Be happy looking the way YOU want to not how you think other people want you. The end.
Dump this bitch immediately. She wants a little girl let her have it. Find yourself a man.
Call me crazy, but I think a man is SUPPOSED to have hair. The only reason that anyone shaves any body hair is to look younger. How young? Childlike! It’s call infantalization.
Not everyone shaves cause they want to look young, some people just don’t like hair, that’s the main reason I trim mine.
Tell him if he wants to someone with no hair he should get a chick. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for someone else.
Re. your discomfort with your body, perhaps when you’re comfortable you’ll attract guys who appreciate your body as it is.
Re. this guy’s request for you to change for him, NEXT !
I’d move on. It’s part of the package. Take me or leave it. If someone is already trying to change things about my physical appearance before it even gets serious, then they already aren’t happy about your appearance. Sounds like one of those guys who is only worried about appearance. But I’m harsh. I don’t let people tell me what I should and shouldn’t do to be desirable in their eyes.
I keep mine trimmed. Usually a number one or number two blade.
The only reason a person should change something (other than a bad habit or bad behavior) is because they want to do it for themselves. There are always going to be people who want someone to be something other than what they are. If you change one thing, they will expect you to change something else again and again.
I know what you are experiencing but have been experiencing for many years. When talking with guys, online or in person, one question always comes up and that is what do you do for a living? In my case the answer is I am on disability as a result of a neurological disorder. Despite the evidence gathered from our discussions that I am sane, intelligent, funny, and, in their view, attractive, it ends right there. Regardless of how long we have been talking or plans already made, they are no longer interested. The truth of the matter is that if I did not tell someone, they would never be able to tell otherwise. People who don’t know think I am just an eccentric but otherwise fine person.
Everyone one I know that is aware of my situation, friends, family, therapist, tell me the same thing – lie. Make something up, tell them one of the things you did before you got on disability, anything but the truth. Every time, despite knowing what will happen, I tell the truth. Why? I am not ashamed of the fact I am sick. It is not something I would chose but it is part of what made me who I am and I like me.
My point is this, when someone can’t accept you for the true you then in truth they are interested in someone else. Let them go find someone else. Everyone deserves to be loved for the real them.
I would never change my appearance to satisfy another guy; that’s ridiculous. I’m naturally smooth and my boyfriend is moderately hairy. I would never ask nor expect him to shave his chest. It would be hot, but I know he likes it as is, so I leave it alone. This really boils down to a respect issue. I appreciate my boyfriend and his incredibly hot body; I’m certainly not going to let a hairy chest get in the way. Once you change your appearance for another guy, you surrender a part of your integrity and in essence become his bitch.
Don’t you trim that chest hair! Screw that guy. Move on to the next one. Don’t compromise your integrity. If he’s asking for something as radical as that so early on, imagine what a control freak he will turn out to be. So sayonara to this butthole and move on to the next guy who will admire your manly hairy chest as is.
You’re not meant for each other. Simple as that.
he’s just not that into you, dude. see the movie, read the book. this was just a random chat with a guy online, right? chalk it up to a swing and a miss and move on.
I love hairy guys! Hairy chests, arms, bellies, legs (hairy legs make me weak in the knees) and crotches. Trimming is fine to keep it “neat” but don’t care if it’s not. I cannot wait until the shaved-crotch trend is over. I definitely find a smith guy sexy, but a shaved crotch is an auto- turnoff – having your crotch look like a prepubescent kid is hortible. I like men! And studies have shown that shaving your crotch or butt before sex can actually increase the likelihood of catching something as you most likely have tiny abrasions caused by the razor or clippers. The utmost worst look is a hairy chest or belly (even moderately) and a shaved crotch – you look like you have mange.
There is no accounting for taste. And he’s entitled to his taste. He’s definitely in the minority, though, as most guys I know find a hairy chest irresistible. It’s just an unfortunate coincidence that he doesn’t like what you have on your chest. But it also can be confounding and eventually ego lowering. Had a bf once who didn’t like uncut guys (I’m uncut); eventually, I couldn’t manage feeling bad about an essential part of me and moved on. Can’t tell you to that, but try to gauge how important this is to you and whether it’s worth it.
This seems like one of those that would not be an issue for some people (“I don’t care that much about a little hair, I’ll just shave it off”) but a big issue for others (“I’m hairy, that’s who I am, I am not shaving”) so you have to go with what is right for you. Sounds like you don’t really mind shaving per se. I would just ask again if he required a razor-shaved chest and if he says “yes” you have to decide if that’s a deal breaker for you. Personally, if someone asked me to shave my body I would just move on. Everyone has preferences and things they are attracted or not attracted to – but doesn’t say anything about you or your attractiveness! Plenty of guys really like body hair. While people have a right to their own patterns of attraction, I find someone with too many “turn offs” to more effort than they’re worth.
Be proud of you and who you are …. flaws and all. You are who you are and that’s going to be the man of someone’s dreams. The right one will come along when you least expect him and he’ll love every thing about you! I’d love to find a hairy man who’s proud of his hair!
Anyone who is inflexible about physical attributes of a perspective partner is waving a big red flag in front of you. I suspect if you asked him to change something about himself because you ask him to, he wouldn’t be so understanding. Forget this one and move on….
People have varied tastes and preferences. For every one guy that doesn’t like chest hair (or something else about you) there are 5 others that love it. You wouldn’t hide the fact that you are gay, if you’re looking to attract another gay man…this is the same premise.
Try being super honest and open in your profile and let it all hang out…you’ll be surprised at the results!
And for God’s sake…if you do insist on killing yourself by catering to this guy, by removing the hair…DO NOT shave with a razor. Guys who shave their body hair ONLY LOOK SMOOTH…but in fact turn themselves into human porcupine-hair-brushes, that are difficult to cuddle and be intimate with.
He’ll only be fooled until he touches you…and might leave later anyway. Is that really something you want looming in the back of your mind when you’re with him?
For me, a hairy chest is one of the attributes of a man I find most attractive. It is stereotypically male and can get me more fired up than bulging muscles. I am ok with a guy keeping it trimmed, but not shaved.
In your case, you should only do what you are comfortable with. Know where you will draw the line. I have a very large beard. My ex would have preferred I trim it to half it’s size, but that’s not the kind of beard I want so I didn’t. It’s not what he would’ve liked, but he told me it’s my body and I can do what I please. Likewise, I wanted him to grow a beard for me, but he didn’t want to and that was ok because it’s his body. We each respected each other’s desires and it had no negative impact on our relationship.
Would you get circumcised if some guy you’re not even dating didn’t like foreskin? Wear colored contacts if he didn’t like blue eyes? Have your shins removed if he thought you were too tall?
I love hairy chests. They get my attention whenever I see one.
I always like hairy guys. Hairy body is natural of man.
Dear Jason
I think it best to be who and what you are. Never change something you are to please another!! You are right in thinking he should accept you as you are!! Personally, I love a man with hair everywhere!! The more the better, I don’t think you can gave too much. To me, hair is the ultimate sign of a virile masculine MSN. On the other hand, my partner us s!smooth, and j live him without having hair, because I live HIM AS HE IS!! I hope you move in and find somneine who loves YOU, Hairy or not!!!!
There is that old thought that you should never have to change anything for someone else, especially for superficial reasons! On the other hand, in he really means a lot to you and you don’t mind trimming up, then that is your choice! Again, YOUR choice!
Gay men are pathetically shallow. A gay man who complains about hair on another man, is nuts.
I feel your pain. I have a hairy chest, back and shoulders. I was teased by my father so have always been very self concious of it, on me. However, I find it sexy as hell on another guy. Is that weird?
Nope. Notast all.
Be yourself. Don’t let anybody else change you. After you shave your hair, there will be something else and then something else. For every guy that doesn’t like hair there are 2 that do (like me), find one of them.
Honestly, if he cannot accept you for you, then there will most likely be other things he won’t like and want to change about you.
Better to cut your losses now before you get emotionally involved. Just be You!
I really take guys as they are. The whole “I have a type” went out the window years ago. I’m pretty much open to anyone who has a penis and preferably walks upright. …but even that is open for debate. A little chest hair is not a big deal.
Fuck that dude.
Well, my first response is that the guy is a jerk.
Trying to be a bit more accepting, I acknowledge that everyone has their turn ons (me: hairy chest : YAY!) and their turn offs … a mix of genetics, upbringing, whatever. These are things that can’t really be debated. They just are, or they are not.
If you are not a turn on for this guy, someone who rings his bells, then just move on. There are a wealth of other guys who will appreciate what you have to offer!
There are so many men that would really appreciate, and love, your hairy chest. Why waste your time on someone who’d make you feel bad for missing a trim?
Yes every person has a difference preference of body type n look, your friend is being honest and being respecful to you, he said he what his standard at front. For you trying to convey and try to manipulate by saying he had to love you the way who you are. I think you are been do selfish n very selfish, you are not being honest with him and infact you are very deceifulk trying to change his mind. You should be honest to him, do not try to fool him because both of will hurt at the end n later you will blame him for your deceitful act. Please stop and look for a guy who love a hairy dude like me. Let him go, please stop being deceitful.
Drop his ass. If he doesn’t like you for you, inside and out, you are wasting your time. He sounds like a douchebag anyway.
If you’re not good enough for him as you are tell him to go to Hell. No one should have to change themselves for anyone. From my point of view a guy with a hairy chest is the sexiest of all!
Your title refers to “my date”, when it seems that you actually have yet to go on a “date” with this person. The only thing I find more problematic than your fretting over and offering to trim your body hair to please his personal taste… Is his willingness to write someone off over a insignificant physical feature!!! This is SO NOT THE GUY FOR YOU!!! I suggest you do some work on building your confidence, self esteem and having a strong, clear idea of who you are and want to be!!! I go ape s**t for guys with hairy bodies!!! And that includes hairy backs, shoulders, butt, etc!!! The vast majority of men I have met who are hairy seem to share your sentiment. They like hairy bodies on other guys but not on themselves. Which never made sense to me. I think what they are saying, between the lines is, they don’t really like having a hairy body, and saying they like it on someone else allows them not to be honest about it. If you have never heard the saying “YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYONE”, or if you spend significant amounts of time trying to do just that… I suggest you stop immediately!!! Do what you most want to do and what makes you feel good about you!!! Then when you encounter someone who doesn’t like you hair, clothes, shoes, accessories, etc. You’ll care far less because…. you like all of those things!!! WHICH IS WHY A [email protected]@ER LEFT HOME WEARING ALL OF THEM!!!
Do things to please you, not some other man else you might regret it. A popular vlogger in my home country nearly destroyed her skin, starved herself near death and endured shocking things to please her man. You’d be pleased to know this guy still wasnt satisfied with her ‘sacrifices’. You are well off looking for someone into fur or if u think you can convince him to like the total package, then go for it BUT I’d advice you to cash ur chips and friendzone him before ur self esteem takes on more battery.
As a young man approaching 30 I’m smooth chested and LOVE seeing a man with hair. Self care is great but men are meant to be fuzzy and makes someone like me who is naturally smooth soo envious and willing to explore the realms of fur.
he needs to love you as you are. thats how i approach my body hair issue. some like it some dont. to the ones that don’t like hair. move on down the road.
Get over it dude. Dont waste your life persuing people who don’t like hairy chests if you have a hairy chest. Why would you waste your time persuing someone like that? Part of becoming an adult is not living your life based on what other people think of you. There are millions of guys who love hairy chests and normal bodies. Move on, get over it, and don’t trim.
I may be late to the party but I would still like to contribute my two cents.
Your headline describes this man as your “date.” Then you open your question by stating you’ve been talking over the Internet for only a few days. It seems to me an actual meeting, let alone a date, has yet to occur. At this stage you two are feeling each other out; likes and dislikes, do’s and don’ts. The statements the young man made about when he would consider sex, no semi-naked photos to be shared with all and sundry, and disliking body hair are generalities. It’s always possible that when he met you and were bowled over by your magnetic personality, chest hair would be a minor compromise.
Then, too, you yourself stated you dislike being hairy. If you keep your own body hair clipped or shaped so that is minimal, I don’t see the issue. You’ve also encountered a man who would appreciate your cutting back your body hair without having to convince you to do do so. Of all the other things this man may have written about himself, it seems you are baiting him, almost asking for rejection by quizzing him on his attitudes towards chest hair.
Of course, as others have opined if this man is so shallow that he would reject you because of a physical quality that you did not choose to have, then maybe he’s not worth your time.