Speak Out: I “Hate” Being Gay
Photo credit : Icon Male
I frequently read articles and posts about gay guys who suffer from being gay. Often this view comes from the young ones who are having difficulties coming to terms with their sexuality.
Others would say they accept they are gay but that they hate the gay lifestyle. While some of them would say they feel ashamed they are gay and they “hate everything that has to do with being gay” and they are afraid they might get typecasted. Hence, they do everything in their power to stay in the closet. In other words, they fear people would judge them based on the negative stereotypes that others have come to associate with gay men.
But what are these stereotypes? Some people have this impression that gays have the habit of sleeping around and that they are prone to have unsafe or extreme sex (like bondage or fisting). They have this image of gays as people who “love to party, use recreational drugs, and have sex together.” In addition, they say that once their sexuality is made known, people tend to stereotype them as either feminine or masculine. All too often they hear, “So, you’re gay. You must love shopping.” Or: “Really? But you don’t look gay.”
On top of these stereotypes is the homophobia which to this day still exists. How could they come out when they could suffer violence and insults just from being themselves?
Every time I read about a gay man who “hate” that they are gay, I see a man who is in a lot of pain. I see a man who struggles with self-acceptance and a man who seeks affirmation from other people. So, our question for you is this, did you go through this as well? What did you do in order to come to terms with your sexuality? How long did this internal struggle last? Share with us your thoughts, stories, and opinions in the comments section below.
I would imagine most gay people go through this. We grow up surrounded by people telling us it’s wrong to be gay. I grew up in an Italian, Catholic (I’m no longer affiliated with Catholicism) neighborhood. Scared to death that someone would discover my secret. I watched everything I did, said, wore. It was exhausting. I was told about a self esteem seminar, in NYC, by my best friend, who had taken the seminar in California. (It wasn’t a “gay” seminar. It was for anybody dealing with self esteem issues). I went in a closeted introvert and came out (literally) a week later, extroverted. Not giving a shit what anybody thought of me being gay. Their problem, not mine. That was 30 years ago. And I still carry those lessons with me to this day. It was the hardest and best week of my life.
The only thing that I really hate about being a homosexual is the way ‘gays’ treat one another. I’m not into the stereotypical roles and games that are attached to the gay lifestyle. I am me. I like having sex with me, that’s all.
Being HIV+ is a prime example of what I hate. I definitely find more acceptance from straight people than gay men.
Gay men tend to treat one another in very antisocial ways. It’s sad and sometimes disgusting.
I like having sex with men, that’s all. Typo.
Hear hear. I no longer even identify as “gay” just as what the medical community calls “msm”.
I agree…the whole gay scene, at least now, is just a royal pain in the butt….NOT the good kind. It just doesn’t get better; it gets worse. I agree with the words of dear old Quentin Crisp….”It’s a TERRIBLE disease….”
I don’t hate being gay. I don’t like all the labels we force on each other yet decry being labeled. I do hate that as a gay men we are supposed to accept or back every gay effort,no matter what.
I am basically out and still hate being gay. I don’t think I will ever feel differently. It’s just a harder life all the way around.
I made my own life. I did not attach to the gay life so to say. I worked construction then on into the office to run my company. I have had to make many changes in my life over time. When I look in the mirror and did not like what I saw in my life I changed it to be what I thought I needed. I do not discuss my sexual practices with any one, Simply because it is none of there business. I prefer not to hear about there sexual exploits either.
It is your life. Make it what you want it to be. And enjoy it.
Hate accomplished nothing, Keep positive.
Yeah….NO. I got torn apart on the construction field. I got called joto (faggot in Spanish) everywhere I turned had no support from the management and when I decide to stand up for myself I was wrong… I never discussed my sexuality or practices either. It’s just not that simple for everyone.
All of the above emotions at one point, I too experienced, I think its normal, as a phase/phases, considering no one tells you how to be gay, not like the “positives” of being hetero-sexual, anyway. Its all in the sense of growing into ones self, you’re surrounding by people you measure yourself against once you come-out or just seeing people that are out. Like when I came out, I was a bit girly-like, lol, ’cause my friends were, lol. Something happened, maybe a latent surge of testosterone=masculinity for me anyway, as a close friend said, “you really kicked that door down” another said, “he’s gone “butch.” These are just growing pains, experimentations, ect., its really kind of difficult, being the way that gay men “usually” are; I’m just not a total dog-type, man, I love really being in love with someone who feels the same, that’s never going to go away. I’m multi-faceted that way, I’m many things that are “mostly good” lol, its the world at large even other gay people who have a hard time, putting you in a certain box, when one box does not fit all. I except that, too, its their problem not mine, I would say to any young man, “focus inward” I’ve done the work that needed to be done, growing, growing into myself as to who I am to me and excepting that which is good, discarding, that which is not good that hurts me personally on whatever level of my journey in life. It’s not being gay that’s bad, any more than being black-white gay straight or whatever, its “how” you live it, that really counts. I’m a big gentle giant, nurturing, caring, creative and masculine, too, you won’t ever be just one thing, hopefully… I except that bit of female within, lol, I enjoy her immensely, just like I enjoy the man in me as well!
Well. Stereotypes abound, for all groups.
Thank you! That’s what my feeling was about labels and stereotypes. All lifestyles and sexual preferences have them. You can be labeled even if you aren’t one, such as someone calling you a whore just to be derogative or based on a rumor. The point is no one really knows who you are and what you’re about until you decide to crawl out of your hiding place and tell people. You’re going to be prematurely judged by many people anyways. People always make assumptions. Those only exist until you either find more open minded individuals to associate with or yu open up and help those that are close minded to see you differently than their narrow opinion and as you really are as a person… not just as a sexual preference, or how sexually active you are, or anything else that’s just a single facet of a(hopefully) very multi-facetted individual. And if you are the poster board of a stereotype, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Birds of a feather like to flock together… You’ll more than likely find it easier to meet similar friends since the poles to attract and to repel are in greater effect.
Ironically, related articles include “Does monogamy work for you?” and “How accurate is your gaydar?”
Right!!! Thats exactly what i noticed first. Smh.
Simply that, I hate being gay!!!!!!! It is really stressful especially being closeted like I am. I’m in my late fifties and been worrying my entire life wondering who knows about me. I wonder if I walk gay, talk gay, act gay. I listen at my voice on tape to see if I sound gay. I deepen my voice purposely when speaking publicly or on the phone trying not to sound gay. I don’t socialize with gay guys in public fearing that guilty by association sigma. . I faked a marriage and had 3 wonderful kids to cover my lie. I don’t wish this life on noone. Lot of people say come out and accept who you are. I know guys who done that and their families and friends pretend to accept them and love them to their face and talk about them like a dog behind their backs. I prayed many many many prayer to be straight/normal. Society have come a long ways but we still have a long way to go..
The best way to enjoy life is to be the real you 24/7. Not putting on a guise to fool those around you. When you can live authentically, there’s great peace with that. You will truly know who’s for you and who’s against you. You will be might surprise at that
I feel the same as you…Mid fifties was married -had two kids. I haven’t come out and wonder daily who knows. Do I act it, walk it, talk it…? It wears you down and I have become introverted just to avoid the questions and prying small talk at work. Thanks for sharing 😉
Matt your story is sad and you should have sought out some mental health DECADES ago.
That’s amusing, coming form a guy named “LONG1” … what do you know about coming out DECADES AGO? Until 1973 HOMOSEXUALITY WAS A MENTAL DISORDER in the DSM! It’s always easy to give advice, be careful about doing it with hindsight bias…
(I truly appreciate ALL the stories everyone has shared here, it indicates our journies, and sadly, our support for one another has not been the same).
It’s been very hard for me for not only wanting acceptance from other people but from myself as well. I really do dislike being gay. It would make my life a lot easier if I was like everyone else and just a heterosexual.
I go through this a lot. I hate being gay because there’s nobody out there for me. I’m a big guy and hell if you can get any guy interested in you if you have a waistline above a 36. Let alone my 48 inch waist. I go years without any sex. It drives me crazy. I’m a good looking guy but fuck it if someone is fat.
I’m not GAY, I just like a big cock inside me.
WTF. LoL
hopefully when u say BIG u mean BLACK.
I’ve always said I’m not gay, I’m a homosexual man. Gay seems like a political agenda to so many people. I.e., everything has to be gay themed. Gay cruises, gay bars, gay neighborhoods. The on,y thing gay about me is I like sex with men. I’m perfectly comfortable with gay and straight people. I live in California where there are really no issues with men who are attracted to men. I have many gay and straight friends and our sexuality never comes into the picture of who we are. I’m very comfortable being a homosexual and hope that those who aren’t come to be happy with themselves as well.
I wouldn’t say I hate everything about being gay. Just some of it. I am not fond of the fact that I lost my family over our conflicting beliefs. I was sad when a close friend said she couldn’t trust me because I lied to her, when I finally told her I was gay. I am burnt out on being scared of contracting HIV, even though I’m on prep and play safely…the majority of the time. I am not thrilled that it’s so hard to meet/make good friends that you can trust, and that includes potential partners. I’m not happy about all of the rejection we fear, as a whole, is internalized and later externalized on each other. And I’m not always excited that I will spend the rest of my life deprogramming the ideas and norms I accepted as real in the first 18 years of my life. That’s a big task… But I think I’m worth overcoming everyone else’s fears for my own sake.
I am extremely happy to be gay for all the amazing things that have happened just for being brave enough to be true to myself. I’ve had the best boyfriend relationships, who I’m still friends with after our relationship runs its course and we go our own ways again. I have met so many people who replace my family 10 times over. I have seen the progress of society over the years relax, which doesn’t mean anything’s perfect, but I would have never noticed had I never been aware of my fear. I have spoken at a gay straight alliance group at a high school and was amazed (not to mention bitterly jealous) that they have a support group like that in a public high school, and it was such a bonus to be able to see that occur in my lifetime. I like all of the steamy, hot gay sex I’ve had…even appreciate the not so great sex a little…at least I got off.
It’s okay if you don’t like every aspect about every single thing. There are no rules that say you have to. However choosing to see if but one thing you’re okay with, puts you ahead of the curve. I hope you all find the happiness you seek and so deserve. Love to all.
I spent most of my life trying to be straight as that was suppose to be the only acceptable way. (Being gay back when I was growing up was a no-no). Went to church, got married, tried my best to be straight. Even went to sexual addiction counseling. But even growing up, I always would get turned on by a guy that looked hot, or would have a bulge his shorts. Till about the year 2000 or so, I considered my self to be bi, but still tried to pretend to be straight. I would go and sneak around, going to adult arcades, parks, and bathrooms for under-stall action, or peaking through glory holes, etc. I remember getting involved with a few guys that actually had sex with me. I came out to my wife that I was bi, and she basically denied it. Today she knows that I am gay, but still seems to think that it’s just something that will pass with time. I don’t hate being gay, actually I’m quite proud of it. I”m just upset and mad that I wasted all these years pretending to be straight. Today I have one really hot gay friend and lover, and not only we have sex, but love him dearly. We are open about our lives and everything. When I and my lover are together, it’s like a whole new world. We think alike, knowing what turns each other on, and enjoy doing all kinds of things together.
I “hate” being gay and lots of that thanks to the fucking freaks/dumbfucks you see on the pride parades. None thinks anything decent the moment they hear gay since 1st think that pops into mind are those half naked assswipes. The moment I say I am gay 1st ppl assume I am a sleepy hookups kinda guy on Prep or poz on meds. Maybe in 70s gays needed to be visible today I say shut the fuck up, wear a suit, burn the rainbow flag, don’t fuck and ask his name later. Give us a makeover. Successful educated professional accomplished I want these things to come to mind I say gay
Amen David
in my case it’s a hard hat and steel toe boots and protective welding gear are required, do your job well and things will be ok
don’t try and wear a dress to work.
take care of your biz
There are PLENTY successful accomplished GAY MEN!!! And they have accomplished their success on their own terms!!! If you stopped hanging out with people who hate gay people as much as you do you might find some people who can teach you self-respect and self-worth!!! Because what kind of weak assed person are you to listen to, or give a fuck about people’s thoughts about your amount of sexual activity and something so personal AND NONE OF THEIR F##KING as what medication you may or may not be on!!! You are a doormat of your own making!!! If you want to you can shut the fuck up, wear a suit ( how fucking original), etc!!! In case you haven’t noticed YOU ARE MISERABLE!!!
“But what are these stereotypes? Some people have this impression that gays have the habit of sleeping around and that they are prone to have unsafe or extreme sex (like bondage or fisting). They have this image of gays as people who ‘love to party, use recreational drugs, and have sex together.’”
Those images and behaviors are what too many gays do and present in public and to the media. An “impression”? No. it’s reality that people see all too often.
But it doesn’t have to be. No guy needs to be held hostage, to be a victim, to suffer because he is gay. No guy needs to sleep around or have unsafe or extreme sex. Doing so is a choice. No one drags a guy to a bath house or a club or a rest stop. The guy takes himself there.
This post is another example of “oh woe is us; we are gay.” But that’s not the kind of life that many many gay guys live. They are not victims. The do not engage in unsafe sex, The don’t participate in “the lifestyle”. The don’t fit the stereotype.
They are guys who happen to be gay, but being so does not define who they are. It is nothing more than just another color or texture in the fabric of who they are like their height, weight, race, ethnicity, etc.
If a guy “hates” being gay, he needs to focus other facets of his being. He needs to be the best son, the best brother, the best coworker, the best student, the best friend, the best relative, the best whatever he can be. The only reason his sexuality is paramount to his being, is because he allows it to.
And no guy has to. Being gay is not an illness. It’s not a disease. It’s not an addiction. It’s not a choice.
But being a suffering victim is. If a guy is a suffering victim, he needs to choose to change how he he views himself and how he faces the world.
I hate the way gay men treat each other, it is disgusting. If you’re not hot and young then you aren’t shit. It’s sad that all my life, I have had a few instances of “gay bashing” and discrimination. But truth be told, no one has ever treated me worse than other gay men. And they call this a gay “community”… bullshit!!
Well, my lover and I are both older, 50s and 60s and neither of us are real good looking. True we don’t show all out close affection in normal public settings, but in certain places, such as places where gays are present we sometimes are all over each other. Why should anyone bash 2 people who love and care about each other. One doesn’t have to be young and hot to be into each other. This world needs to learn respect for others regardless of age, dress, gay or straight, looks, age, race, nationality, etc. Everybody is different, each person is an individual with different likes and dislikes. It should be respected by others.
Get ova it..! deal with it..! it is what it is.
Matt Matt Matt. “I prayed to be straight/normal” like gay is not normal? Until u break that paradigm you will hate being gay and want to stay deep in the closet. Only you can choose what and who you hate, including yourself.
For my part, it’s just me and I can choose to accept or reject each of the gay things… be it partying, lots of sex or acting in some sterotype. In the end we choose and make our own world, love the world you are in and make it what you want.
Thanks roadcyclist. Lets exchange contact information. Would like to talk to you.
I hate gay fatties. I wish they were all straight. Yuck.
Same for small dicks.
Don’t hate yourself,accept yourself,
Jerold…
People like u and comments like that are exactly why most same sex oriented men feel the way they do.. U are helping to escalate the very behavior such men should be against.. Thanks for becoming an added component to the problem..
Highly unnecessary
Are you saying there are too many gays who are too fat for you and too many who have small dicks? I guess when it comes to character and personality, you can’t really take it deep!
Are you showing us what a typical gay person is like, superficial and only concerned with physical appearances? that does not fit the gay political narrative of love and acceptance, does it? It sounds more like lust, materialism, and superficiality!
Robert, quit calling that looser “typical”. He is NOT the typical gay man as you can clearly see from the other comments.
Are YOU attempting to use the comment of a minority to solidify a stereotype???
Smh.
Most people gain weight. Most people don’t look like models. Most people don’t have porn size dicks. Move on.
Really ..what an asinine statement !
Jerold, what do you suggest those of us with “small” dicks do to live a good life as a gay man? It is not something that we can do anything about. How shall we go about “correcting” this? It is too bad we are not all as hung as you, but it is not our fault. I have obsessed most of my life that my cock is small and I would like it bigger, but at age 60 I guess that will never change.
I don’t hate being gay, I hate being judged for it. I love being me, but that took effort AND self worth. No one makes you feel anything, its all reaction…… So change how you react. The world will NEVER change, but u don’t need it to.
I am gay but i don’t wanna be NOMORE SO IM TRYEN MY BEST TO KEEP AWAY FROM IT BUT ITS HARD WEN I SEE SO MANY NICE BOTTOMS
I agree, there are days where I absolutely hate being gay, there are days where I feel like there is nothing better than being gay… it’s a rough road out there… and I agree with a lot of the comments that we bring a lot of it on ourselves… I have two coming out stories… I came out to a group of people who were sharing interesting things about it and made it known there and was mostly shunned, there was some acceptance but there was a lot of shunning and I even had someone (a girl I had gone to high school with who was pregnant with her first kid at graduation and was sharing that she was pregnant with numbers 3&4 with boyfriend number 3) transfer out of the class because of it…. flash forward 3 years later, I’m standing at work talking to one of my bosses and he goes “I gotta ask you something, and don’t take this the wrong way, because you strike me as very private, but are you gay?” I responded yea, and his responses were priceless he goes “cool” then he asks if I’m single and when I tell him that I am he says “ok, we either need to get you laid or married, your choice” moral of the story is that when we make a big deal about something, the natural response is to make a bigger deal, it’s a perpetual one upsmanship contest. I’m going to preface my next comment with that I am not against this at all…. but Pride is a problem…. it’s too corporate, the local pride where I live went from a celebration of diversity and inclusion about 2 years ago to something corporate and sponsored with sexiest swim suit contests… and there is a leather/white party tomorrow night…. we are our biggest enemy… we spend so much time thrusting ourselves into the spotlight and hating each other for some perceived slight that a friend of a friend of a friend told you about that it becomes rough to be gay because if you aren’t just so or didn’t come up/out in an area you will never truly be accepted by that community. In a community as small as ours we should never bash someone just because we don’t like them… we went through enough of that in the past. I don’t post pictures on my profiles of myself, not out of shame but out of apathy… I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I just don’t care enough to fully put myself out there like that, and it’s nothing against the people who do, that is just me. Last night on one of my apps, I talked to a guy for a few minutes, not long we exchanged some pleasantries, we found out what one another were doing and he asked me if I wanted to exchange face/body pics… I asked a legitimate question for a valid reason and he proceeded to tell me that he has criteria that guys have to fit in for him to even chat with them. How stuck up do you have to be to have physical appearance criteria to even chat with someone… with guys like that out there it’s no wonder so many of us have days where we just hate being gay. Last night was one of those for me. In summation we need to go back to our roots, and strive for diversity and inclusion without reserve… if you don’t like someone keep it to yourself, why should your personal feelings be used to damage someone else’s reputation. You would never allow personal feelings dictate a hiring decision and if you felt that way about how a decision was made about you it would be a huge deal… be kind to your fellow human, you never know when the tables will be turned.
I call myself same-gender oriented because “gay” has the connotation of being a mindless unicorn liberal, of rainbow idiocy that actually demeans us, and of “pride” parades that marginalize us and make us a laughingstock. I am a man with dignity and “gay” too often has no dignity at all. I like men. I openly date men. I’ve had relationships with several, but never will I identify as gay.
I can relate whole heartedly to this statement. Over the years, I’ve tried.to be a good person; giving, forgiving, truthful yet discreet. In return I’ve received rejection. I tried to be perfect at w3x with the hope that someone would likeme enough to keep me. I am suffering silently depression and can only hope to find real hope
I hate being gay my family would disown me if they knew or worse beat me to death. It goes against everything I was raised to believe. I don’t know why I’m the way I am always living in fear of being discovered. I’ve been told I’m great at giving head but I don’t want to be just an object of lust. I want to be loved for who I am not what I can do. How can I be loved by someone when I don’t love myself. I think that’s why men try to use me for sex they use my mixed feelings to their advantage and I always end up hurt and alone. My life as a gay man is hell I feel I have no one to talk to no one understands just how hard it is to cope. I have a couple real good friends but at times I feel that they just want sex not friendship. I’ve tried to go straight many times to no avail i’m at a loss, I just cant seem to find my place in this world; gay or straight I feel unwanted, unloved, and used and always alone.
I don’t hate being gay, I simply abhor most gay people. And with good reason, too. There is a reason most straight people hate gay people and it’s not without justified foundations. Personally, I find a substantial number of the gay community to be arrogant, clique-ish, and self absorbed drama queens. I grew up being in the closet and am still not “out” to most of the world simply because the gay stereotype, which is for the most part justified, does not fit me at all and I don’t want to be associated with it. Face it, many gay people are not normal at all psychologically or socially. It doesn’t make me hate me for liking dick more than pussy, it makes me not want to be around lots of gay people. Yes, I do wish straight people could all accept my gayness as it were but I do understand why they feel the way they do. This whole “pride” thing has turned from an effort to raise awareness of equal rights for gay people to demanding special rights. I’m strongly opposed to special rights for anybody. I remind you all that this country (USA) is a constitutional republic and NOT a democracy. There’s good reason for that.
I don’t know any other way to be. This is the way I was born, so I live my life the best I can. Yeah, other gay guys can be judgmental assholes, so can straight people. I just keep those people to a minimum in my life as much as I can as there’s only one person in the world I need to make happy and that’s me.
I don’t hate being gay…I just can’t tolerate the fact that, the gay community has struggled for so long to try and receive all the inclusivities of what we should just be granted (such as not being terminated from our jobs due to our sexuality), yet we can’t even grant each other in the gay community the respect that we struggle to achieve from everyone else.
I mean this whole ide of “no fats, no femmes, no asians”…etc., just belittles the few achievements we have made over the decades. And don’t even get me started on how gay men treat lesbians some times…considering the most of the caretakers during the heights of the aids crisis were our lesbian compadres. We just need to treat one another with respect, rather than turn our noses up just because someone doesn’t have a six pack, or they’re not “Str8 acting” enough. Maybe if we stopped discriminating in our own “community” and the rest of society could finally catch up to the majority, then we wouldn’t have a sense of self loathing due to our sexuality.
On a side note, for the whole “no femmes,” thing…just remember that it was a drag queen that threw the first brick at the Stonewall Riots…so just remember that the start of our “gay revolution,” was instigated by one of your “no femmes” hunty.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?!” – RuPaul Andre Charles
Obviously Jerrold did not read all of the comments before his statement on gay fatties. I hope he remain skinny his entire life so he doesn’t have to feel like someone he hates. We all need to get along better and accept ourselves and each other.
As an average looking gay male its always been difficult being gay for me. The gay community at large and especially the gay club scene is extremely pretentious. Guys judge you based on what brand of clothes your wearing and by pectoral depth. is very cliquey and if your not young,hung ,and good-looking your basically a nobody. Being a not very masculine male,(slightly effeminate here) that has also a second strike against me,considering most men even most flamboyant queens, want a butch guy to get with and/or call their own. Growing up gay in the Deep South,a.k.a. “The Bible Belt” is very difficult especially in a small town where everyone knows one another and their business. I never had to come out,so I’ve faced my fair share of bigotry and discrimination. Once I finally came to terms with my sexuality and was no longer in denial, I turned to the gay community for solace and support only to be met with some of the same predujices and things that I hated the most,staring me right back in the face. So ,I’ve never really been accepted by the lgbtq community or by mainstream society. I think slot of gay men on here can relate to that. You feel doomed and for me I’ve always felt like a fish out of water trying to find my niche. I have a few gay friends and only have had a few short term relationships,which weren’t very meaningful. I don’t deal with very many people,especially other gay men,with their cattyiness and bitchy ways. I guess I build a wall around myself as a defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt. I’m still coping with that,and trying to find me in the process. I’m trying to step outside my comfort zone and do something different in order to obtain different results. That’s the definition of insanity,by the way for all of my fellow AA/NA members. Currently i’m in recovery for alcohol and illegal drugs which is extremely difficult given that drugs have plagued the gay community for years. Now I can’t even go to a gay club/bar for fear of relapsing which is very prevalent in the scene. In the midst of my parTying,I felt like I fit in for the first time in my life,before addiction reared its ugly head at me. Its a shame that so many gay/bi men fall victim to that in order to try to fit in and belong and I bought into that stereotype for years. Today,I distance myself from such destructive behavior and now i’m trying to do me. I guess I need to accept and love myself first and only then can I move on and hopefully someone will find that inner strength,peace and confidence within me that I’ve been trying to obtain for so many years. So in conclusion I don’t hate being gay I just hate everything that it involves and the stigma attached to it.
I hate how superficial and shallow gays are. Specially younger ones. They all want supermodels and most of them are not attractive enough to get those models. Everyone is after the muscular white men. It’s pathetic and ridiculous. I hate being gay because of that.
I hate being gay because gay guys are assholes and I wish I didn’t have to deal with them there’s no such a thing as a gay community being gay sucks
As an average looking gay male being gay has always been difficult for me,especially in the gay club scene. It is extremely pretentious and you are judged based on what brand of clothes you are wearing and by pectoral depth. The club scene is very cliquey and if you are not young,hung and good looking then you are a nobody basically with few exceptions. Being not a very masculine male,(slightly effeminate here)is also a second strike against me. Growing up in a small town in the deep south a.k.a “THE Bible Belt”,i’ve endured my fair share of bigotry and discrimination. I’ve never had to come out so it was always difficult growing up. When I came to terms with my sexuality and came out of self-denial then I turned to the lgbtq community for solace and support only to be met with some of the same predujices and things that I hated the most,staring me right back in the face. I’ve always felt like a fish out of water and like I never fit in. I felt I was never really accepted by the gay community or by mainstream society. I have a few gay/bi friends and had a few short term relationships,but nothing ever meaningful. I don’t deal with many people,especialy other gay men because of cattyiness and bitchy ways. I guess I’ve always built a wall around myself as a defense mechanism to keep from getting hurt. I’m stil coping with that and trying to step outside my comfort zone and do something different in order to obtain different results. That’s the definition of insanity for all of my fellow AA/NA members. Currently i’m in recovery for alcohol and illegal drugs which has plagued the gay community for many years. I can’t even go to gay clubs/bars anymore for fear of relapsing again. It seems very prevalent in that scene and its a shame that so many gay/bi guys fall victim to that. I bought into that stereotype for years in order to fit in and belong and I did for awhile until my addiction reared its ugly head. so in conclusion I don’t hate being gay,I just hate everything that it involves and the stigma attached to it. I was told one time that it goes with the territory and I believed that in the past,but it doesn’t have to be that way for everyone and now i’m just doing me. Life is good,it has its ups and downs but i’m now trying to focus more on the positive than the negative.
I grew up during the Homocaust. They hunted our kind for sport. “Rollin’ queers” was an acceptable high school pastime. There was no safe haven. There was no refuge. It was illegal and punishable to be. One didn’t actually have to do anything. The mere act of continuing to occupy space was a crime one committed anew with every breath. The hatred was seamless and relentless.
It’s not so much that I hate being gay; But now that it’s supposed to be OK for me to be alive, how come I don’t feel OK? Sadness has never been far and I’m well acquainted with it but there’s an anger that comes up out of me that seems so surprising, foreign, embarrassing, and fierce.
Queers is what they called us then. I never really identified with terms like gay or faggot. “Whom you hate” is the most accurate thing one should call my identity. Why would anyone like that?
I find myself beyond the reach of the kindness of straights. It comes up out of the darkness like a scary character from a poorly remembered bad dream but declarations of loving me “in spite of what I am” or of “tolerance” or of “acceptance” or of a sudden declaration of not caring in the least about the sexuality of others incites a fury in me that scares, humiliates, and isolates me.
Go wipe your dirty hands off on somebody else!
Dissociation served me where friends, family, and community did not. I remain fractured.
I’ve read brilliant stuff from survivors of Auschwitz about forgiveness. Nelson Mandela, Bishop Tutu, Jimmy Carter, have all impressed me deeply with their treatises on the necessity, healing, and closure that comes from forgiveness. But the gulf between intellectual and emotional truths remains a huge abyss.
I HAVE LEARNED ONE SOLID LESSON IN MY 70 YEARS. NEVER HATE ANYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE THAT WILL DUMP ON YOU IN LIFE…LET THEM..BUT DON’T DO IT TO YOURSELF. I WILL MODIFY THIS STATEMENT..YOU CAMN RTEALLY DISLIKE SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF IF IT CAN BE FIXED. I REALLY DIDN’T LIKE WRINKLES AND SAGGY SKIN..SO I HAD IT LIFTED..I HAVE HAD PEOPLE TELL ME I SHOULD HAVE LIKED MYSELF ENOUGH TO KEEP WRINKLES..LOL TRUST ME 40 IS BETTER THAN 70 AND IT IS JUST A NIP/TUCK AWAY.
I have been openly gay since 13. When I was in the Army I came up with a creed that if a man asked if I was gay I would say NO do u want to go to bed or YES but if u try to do anything about it I will break u in half. I am thankful for my upbringing from older parents & the fact that I was raised to take s*** from no one.
Wow, more than a few of you here would really benefit from some therapy. Assholes come in all shapes, sizes, nationalities and sexual orientations. Don’t let them stop you. Ad step one n matter who or what you are is if you are going to feel as if you have to live your life according to others’ standards, labels and expectations you’re going to be miserable. I hated be gay for years until I realized that there are certain aspects of it that allow me to live a lie that would not be open to me if I weren’t.
I hate that there’s a good chance I’ll never find love. I hate that all the people I know are straight and have wives, husband’s, gfs and bfs while I’m lonely because gay guys my age can’t commit or simply don’t want to.
It pisses me off to be so lonely and yet , short of moving to NYC, have no power to change that. Plus, the added hiv situation has made things even worse.
gay? do you have to be labeled if you like to suck cock and get it in your ass? what if you like to eat pussy and fuck a woman too? what if both sexes turn you on? all a bunch of bullshit in my opinion. I happen to like women just as much, nothing like both at the same time. labels are for idiots and politically correct people. sex is sex , I was born a male and I explored my sexuality with everyone. female and male. I like them both, love to eat pussy , like to be fucked by both. like to lick both sexes ass, really like to lick pussy and cock while their fucking. I could do both sexes for days. that’s what I like and I am happy with it.
You started out asking “do you have to be labeled”… Then stated “Labels are for idiots and”… You then proceeded to list all of the many ways you like to have sex and who with!!! You LABELLED YOURSELF!!! Your likes just require a longer label!!! Label is another way of using language to communicate!!! Everything on the planet has a f**king name or label!!! Without them we would all have a very difficult time trying to get anything done! Let alone get laid!!!
I don’t hate being gay, I love myself now more than I did when I was trying to be a straight married guy..
LMAO…. If only you knew. I’m a hip-hop artist in a military city. As unfortunate as it is you can’t be considered”REAL or HARD” and be gay in this place/ industry… No matter how good I flow, despite the fact that gangster rap isn’t even my genre…. There is no room for a gay rapper that doesn’t fit the stereo type of being a flamboyant super gay guy… It’s hard enough to just be a sophisticated black rapper not constantly hollering about bitches hoes drugs and the gangster life style… You add gay on top of it and who will my fan base be? I have to be considered “bi” to get away with anything and I’ll still be the “loose butt” of every joke or just the punch line to every homophobic artist… But what is really weird… is the industry loves lesbian rappers I never got that one. So in the closet I stay.
All I have to say is this: sometimes the worst part about being a gay man is your fellow gay men!
funny a story about “hate” being gay ahh.. and a total gay fag pictured in the lead amazing this is life if ya hate something don’t do it or change stop complaining
I REALLY hate to see you homos wallowing in self pitty like this.
GROW THE FUCK UP!!!!!
BEING GAY WAS NEVER YOUR PROBLEM.
Youre ugly? Youd still be unattractive if you were straight.
Youre too fat? Would you be thinner if you only ate pussy?!?
Gay men arent friendly enough to you? Do you have any friends anyway?
MAYBE PEOPLE JUST DONT LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOUVE GIVEN THEM ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LIKE.
STOP WALLOWING IN SELF PITTY, BE A MAN AND LEARN HOW TO PRESENT YOURSELF TO THE WORLD.
Oh my god…your not getting sex because your.. older, or not well endowed. Life is not fair. You say your not getting sex because your fat..now that’s on you, and something you can do something about. These are not…gay only issues. Str8 people have the same issues so do not blame it on your sexual identity. I love being gay. I think gay people are naturally more creative, talented, and loving people. I would not want to be any other way.
These responses are very interesting and relatable! I can relate with the good and the bad. Being black and gay and in my 50s believe me I have experienced racism in the gay community as well as bigotry in the 80s & 90s and I have been shunned by my own black community. I would like to say that things have gotten better for the most part. Sometimes I feel proud of who I am as a gay black man and there are some times I just can’t stand it. I work and volunteer with a lot of gay people and straight people. I am more comfortable with straight people because the younger gay guys can be so brutal for no reason. And the white gay community in general can be so one-sided politically. They are not really as inclusive and embracing of others as they may be portrayed. At the end every day I don’t go around telling people I’m gay but I know most people think it anyways. This doesn’t bother me as much. Like I said before sometimes I am embrace my gayness and proud of it and other times I just don’t like it.
I’m 52, gay, (single again… wink, wink), out, and proud. Yeah, I’ve experienced some of this early in my 20’s. Today, however, I just do me. Fuck all you other bitches who don’t know me and don’t want to get to know me. Am I feminine, butch, straight-acting? Who tf cares?!? I’m just me.
i do not hate being gay! I feel i was born gay! as far back as i can remember,I have always been attracted to men. Why am i going to dislike myself? Don’t get me wrong. At a younger age and going through my young adult life i battled with my sexualality untill I told my
parents. After I told them, it was easier for me to be me and become more relax around
others. I now don’t care if people know if i I’m gay or not. Do straight people wonder
about their sexuality as much as we do? WE ARE ALL HUMAN. WE ARE ALL NORMAL.
SEX IS SEX. I was surprised when I got older the men who fooled around! Masculine men,
married men, big-butch men, men who beat me up & teased me in school, ministers too!
You’d hate and question ur existence even more if you were in a country like mine. Pretty much all the reasons have been stated here except on a really insane scale. You are labeled MAD, an aberration, bank for extortionists (both police and regular folks), sinner, animal, worse option than death EVERYDAY…y’all only see happy ppl at your PRIDES and yet u complain. SMH. The alternative is much worse. Be thankful
I’ve hated myself, but being attracted to men? I could have been kicked out of my home, some of my family has definitely rejected me, and even when pepole are just joking around about my sexuality, it bothers me to no end… but I’ve never hated being gay. I’ve never had to “come to terms with it”. But I’ve always been very adventurous and accepting of others, why not towards myself? That’s never something I never had an isssue with at all. I’m told I’m one of the rare few.
It’s the worst thing about me. I hate it.
The gay lifestyle sucks gay men are shallow assholes love is never what you thought it to be I hate the fact that I’m gay I wanted a family look at me now 31 single and no family it’s a very sad and depressing life