Speak Out: What Would You Do If Your Date Was HIV-Positive?
Leaps and bounds have been made when it comes to advances in HIV treatment, but that doesn’t mean that those infected don’t still experience stigma associated with being HIV-positive. While no longer a death sentence, HIV can still have the power to exclude and ostracize.
Earlier this month, the Metro reported on a gay man being denied entry to London’s G-A-Y Late after the nightclub’s security searched his bag and found his medication. According to the report, the man explained why he had the pills and even offered to take them in front of security staff, but was still denied entry.
Dating is even more perilous territory for the HIV-positive. In an OUT in Perth article published a couple of months ago, the writer talked about how his HIV-positive friend would receive messages like “stop spreading HIV to everyone, you’re a sick fuck” on dating apps.
Here on Adam4Adam, it seems like readers are split. On our post about pornstar Kayden Gray coming out as HIV-positive, there were readers like DLS245 and Jason (NCBOY1982_) who talked about working against the HIV-positive stigma. But there were also readers like Father Hennepin who insisted that “there should be stigma”.
While it’s easy to say such things on the internet to a stranger, how would you feel if it was someone closer to you? What if it were someone you’re dating, who finally reveals their HIV-positive status to you? How would you react? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below.
I wonder if they would do that to a straight person with HIV? Man or woman.
Negative or positive, we are all human beings. It shouldn’t be an issue. It is something to be discussed between individuals in private.
A potentially life-threatening virus “shouldn’t be an issue”? If we’re just talking friendship, that statement would make sense. Otherwise, it’s a bit delusional. True, even guys that play safe and hookup may occasionally run across a less than honest poz guy every now and then. But dating/LTRs with poz guys entail being sexually active with a poz guy EVERY TIME. A relationship with a poz guy is also an added responsibility for the neg guy as well. He will be taking on the responsibility and burden of HIV (even though he doesn’t have it). HIV is still a very big deal. These are all very serious issues a neg guy totally SHOULD think about and factor into his decision. Otherwise, both parties can wind up getting hurt in the end.
Being denied entry to a club and/or receiving harassing messages is stigmatizing and totally unnecessary. A neg guy that opts against a relationship with a poz guy is totally NOT an example of stigmatizing. Let’s not forget that lots of things can render two guys incompatible. It’s no different from two bottoms that won’t date each other solely because they’re both bottoms.
If my date was hiv-positive, I would continue enjoying my date and having fun with the person that I’m with. Honestly their status shouldn’t be an issue unless I wanted something serious or I wanted to hook up and even at that point it would not even be important at the time being.
I wouldn’t have even agreed to a date if he was poz. Due diligence, people.
And people like you are why there’s so much hate and stereotyping in the community. Let me guess, you also go around saying they are dirty and whores too. One day I hope someone tosses you to the curb for something as ignorant and judgemental.
As a person who is living with HIV I agree with PLANET’s comment. It is okay to ask upfront and then politely reject a date request if you are concerned. Being honest with a prospective date is better than wasting their time or giving some lame excuse to blow them off later. As for your comment DALLAS, you also are part of the problem. When someone expresses their opinion, there is no need to make assumptions about a person that you cannot verify, much less wish someone ill will.
I think if you’re undetectable it’s OK to lie because of stigma. Negative guys are the real risk.
Re-read your comment. Then ununderstand how fucked up it is. Lying is LYING.
Then equally if not more fucked up are ignorance and discination. And let’s assume that ignorance and discrimination are worse. Lying is not as bad. Who says it’s worse? You? Someone else? I don’t buy it.
I stand by the comment 100%. If people are uneducated or actively unreasonable by discriminating against people who are undetectable, then who gives a fuck about lying.
Wanting to avoid a person with a life-threatening disease (yeah, did you forget? HIV kills people) is not “discriminatory.” It’s that person’s choice that he or she is allowed to make. Whether it hurts your feelings or not is irrelevant. Lying to a person and possibly giving them a life sentence is disgusting, and I hope you have the first-hand experience of that, since you’re such an advocate, bud.
If your undetectable your chances are closer to zero of anything happening (based on science). If you’re negative, your chances of transmitting HIV are actually higher. Look at the statistics. People should be afraid of people who are negative more than those who are positive. It is absolutely absurd to think otherwise, and it is worse than lying about a status (if you’re undetectable).
Go out and have fun, don’t be ashamed for lying. You’re healthy, safe, and deserve to get laid as much as and more than the people who are negative who are actually spreading HIV and don’t get the stigma attached.
It’s a contradiction, and until its corrected culturally, what’s a little lie. No one is getting hurt. 🙂
I’m on Prep but I’m tired of seeing my poz friends getting discriminated against and seeing friends become positive becuase the guy they fucked thought they were negative. The epidemiological facts don’t match the stigma. So fucking lie.
For me knowing my date was HIV Positive wouldn’t make me feel strange, or indifferent towards him at all. What it means is that he is HIV Positive, and I’am HIV Negative. We together can have a conversation about that aspect, then communicate how we feel upfront. At this stage of the game, knowing about how HIV is spread, Condom useage, PREP, and our ability to connect on that level can make dating an good experience. Don’t be afraid, knowledge is power.
Should you be dating while + ? If so what is dating ?
Here is the answer: “I once did number one on myself to stay in a soccer game…” Lmao!
i work with hiv/aids ppl. i hear each story an its diff. on a base to base case..most ppl. are liars.
First, I would think “how totally stupid of me not to have fully addressed the issue before going meeting a guy?” How the hell do you end up “finding yourself on a date” when you have not discussed your status? If you do not have the self-preservation balls to ask, please stay home. This is 2017. Positive or negative…it needs to be discussed. During your discussions about who you are an “OK, so things are going ok here, so it’s a reasonable time to discuss our status. What is your status? Mine is (blank) and I’m seeking a guy who is (blank).” From there, be a gentleman and bring the discussion forward…or to a polite end.
Thank you for a sensible reply.
LOL I would lie to you fuck u, tell u, and the ditch you for being such a douche.
HIV is status is a private health matter…none of your business
“If you are durably virologically suppressed your chance of transmitting HIV to your partner is ZERO. Let’s be clear about that: Zero” – Dr. Carl Dieffanbach, Director of the Division of AIDS at the National Institutes of Health.
Would still love them regardless. I think those who have an issue with it are those who are uneducated, granted my initial reaction would be shock but after that initial reaction it wouldn’t phase me and I would happy they had the confidence and the trust in sharing their status with me. Being honest would go a long way, especially if you are making the relationship serious between you both.
For me I see no problem with it. I’m not going to change how I talk with him or enjoy our time together. A date never means sex to me. I want to get to know a person first so finding out he’s HIV just means we are getting to know each other and understand each other. I’d still hug him, give him a kiss, hold his hand, cuddle. If things move to something more than we know what can and cannot be done. He’s still a man who deserves friends and more.
If we were dating/hooking up, I’d simply ask if he were taking his meds and if he was undetectable. As long as he was undetectable, nothing would change. If he wasn’t undetectable, I’d tell him to see his doctor about changing meds and we wouldn’t be able to have penetrative sex until he was undetectable again
Throw my skirt over my head and scream. Come on, why do you ask these rhetorical as well as melodramatic questions. A person would (a) determine he wasn’t willing to take the risk (b) ask whether the guy was on meds and then determine the risk was minimal and if (b) might delay sex until he himself was on a regimen of Prep if he thought the relationship was worth it. Duh.
I have no problem with have friends thats hiv+ i just feel like when some one cathes it hurts them to death because people love raw sex its the part that they find out and wants to spread it with out telling!!! Thats the scarey part and its not just men its women to!!! They give it to each other but at the end of the day were all human we should protect those or send signals to those who don’t have it!!
It’s not a simple situation, best thing to do if offer support, but if you had unprotected sex with him, trust me, you will get paranoid and go to the nearest testing center. Also questions will arise, say when you met him he was or you thought he was negative and you’re negative (until then, unless you had bare sex and not sure about your status), but now he reveals he’s currently positive. Then thought would go to your head, ok, who’s he cheating with, or wait, maybe you weren’t careful on your last hook up before meeting your current boyfriend. As you can see, this is complicated and filled with dramas.
Being HIV+ AIDS is not like what it used to be 30 years ago when It was first diagnosed and come across and back then but at the same time people don’t realize that when you find out you have it -it’s Detrimental and it changes your world …..changes your view ….changes your life especially where it could almost kill you and yes it almost happened to me but what I will say is the fact that gay men still run around present day with it and without it and still act like it they can have sex with whoever they want ,engage in Orgies , threesomes and whatever other risky sexyual behavior .. like “Stealthing” or nondisclosure of their status without even any regard to somebody else’s while being their overall health or their lives
We all have a responsibility to what we engage in with another person(s) -To our sexual behavior and the consequences that may come from it…. dating is hard enough(esp amongst gays) but when you have stigmas and people act like you are the plague -& even now in this day and age with all the treatment with PREP .
We all still have responsibility to this disease and other STDs …. I mean we are having sex with other men –we are having sex with other people …no one should act like they’re above somebody else
A lot of people can say all they want but the reality of it is this. People instantly think differently of a poz guy and most will find an excuse to get out of the relationship.
Id appreciate him for being honest and continue dating and fucking him. My usage of PREP and condoms would also continue. If anything Id have more admiration for him. My only concern would be bareback and alcohol and substance usage, however that is regardless of status.
I got on PREP so I can date comfortably a poz man. So let the dating and fucking begin.
I’ve dated several “non-detectable” guys. Their stigma is bad enough; love them; they are more safe than society gives them credit for…
Ain’t that the truth… Preach Dale
Thank you.
Neg, poz, who cares? Meds are good and one can use protection! My companion is poz indictable viral load. He told me before we even talked about fucking around! I’m still neg but taking pREp now. I just try not to take loads in my ass. Then again I don’t get laid, top or bottom, that often.
Sorry im neg. an want to stay that way. i cant afford to take that chance of getting infected.
U know the vast majority of forward transmission is from “Neg” guys. Guys whose last HIV test was Negative. HIV is most fit for forward transmission during the acute and early infection stages before the immune system has recognized the infection…It just isnt being spread y guys who know they have it and are on treatment…I know that makes things a lot more scary, but that’s the facts. Negative guys with their heads in the sand, terrified of HIV, who slip up every once in awhile and then rationalize why they dont need to test because its too stressful are the ones spreading the virus. Sound like you, doesn’t it?
They funny thing is, and this is just anecdotal evidence, an HIV specialist friend tells me, he see more new infections from the guys that are the most consumed about thinking and worrying about HIV, its like their daily thoughts are consumed by it, and somehow for unkown reasons they attract it and become infected.
The HIV stigma is real! Many of you guys in here have been lucky not to acquire. Meds are amazing and God-sent. Thank you! I acquired HIV after ONE encounter. I was not a pretentious person! I let my guard down for 30 fuckin and drunken minutes. MOST OF YOU HAVE DONE THE SAME!!!!!! Please stop shaming others for what you’ve also done!
It’s so sad that this is even a question. I would hope that my date would have the courage (I wouldn’t fault them if they didn’t) and would feel to tell me early enough before there was any sexual activity so that the proper precautions and conversations could be had.
But I wouldn’t let that deter me from getting to know him better. Just cause someone has the virus doesn’t make them any different or a monster. They deserve the same love that a negative person wants and craves.
Just remember that we are all the same, black, white, Asian, Latino, gay, lesbian, straight, positive, negative, trans or what have you. We all need love, compassion, understanding and support.
I really appreciate many of the comments on this topic. But there are a few that make me wonder how shallow or self centered the person is. Gay people do not like to be labed nor do they like discrimination for being gay. I have recently come across many gay people who are very judgemental and discriminate. I truly do not understand this. It is what we are fighting against or at least I thought we were. Lets just love each other for who we are imperfections and all. That is what wd all want. To be loved unconditionally.
I’d be in his pants so fast..
I’d be an adult. What an ignorant topic!
Can we please stop referring to HIV as if its a genetic disease or a God-given characteristic like the color of our skin? Yes there have been advances but there is still no cure, people still die from complications and there should be stigma. Ask anyone who has it now whether or not they’d do things differently to change their current outcome and i bet you 100% would. Be smart guys come the fuck on.
there should be stigma? Oh you mean discrimination? don’t be screaming ‘I want equality’ when the next homophobe hates our guts, but yet you wouldn’t mind putting a stigma on a hiv positive guy?
I used to be one of those uneducated people who would run from somebody who was HIV+ as if they were the walking dead. Then I met the most wonderful guy. We developed a friendship. One night he called me to tell me he was POZ, and had gotten it from his current partner. Turns out his partner was a cheater and slept around and didn’t care about protection. He knew he had been exposed, and infected, but never told my friend. Since I already had a wonderful friendship with him, I gave him all the support he needed. Little did I realize how deep my feelings for him were. He got on meds and within 6 months was undetectable. Between the time he was diagnosed and the time he was told he was undetectable, I asked him to be my partner. That was 4 years ago. We are still happily together. I am still negative. He has been very responsible in making sure that I am not exposed. To those who feel there should be a stigma attached, my advice is this: Educate yourself, and before you pass judgement, put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Then decide if the way you look at somebody who is HIV+ is reflective of the type of person you truly are. If you still feel that an HIV+ person should be stigmatized, you are no better than the fear mongers who attack us simply because we are gay.
What a thoughtful and smart answer! Undetectable means just that. The person has been responsible and taken his meds and reduced his viral loads. Using condoms is essential to making sure your partner is safe, as well. The other reality is that there are many other STDs which can be passed on whether you are positive or negative and they can be problematic, too. Another consideration is that people do lie about their status and do lie about their STD status. Get to know your partners before you just jump into bed.
My 1st bf died if Aids while I remained negative.
Years later, I met my current Love of My Life. He was poz when we met. I was aware of it. I was educated.
17 years later, he is still positive, I remain negative.
I never had a doubt that he was and remains the Super High Quality Guy that I want to be with.
Being a + is very scary and dreadful. The stigma is still strong against the + guy. Even some if the health care professionals are very judgemental but not all. About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with + undetectable but the people who knew me and knew my illness breakaway from. I don’t have any sex at least two years before I was diagnosed and I don’t have sex since I was diagnosed. I was stupid not always practice safe sex. And I am taking my medication religiously. And sadly I am nurse. I wonder how many guys out there belief they are negative status but infact they never tested at all. I don’t blame people to breakaway from relationships when a person declare that he is a+ the first thing I do is to be tested both so we would know the status, take medication for prep as well for treatment. Then ho on with your sex life. HIV is not a dead sentence anymore. It’s a 2017. Lots of medicationd
I’m just curious if you did already know they were + or they told you on the date, is undetectable an actual thing?
I’m neg and plan to stay that way.
I wouldn’t be rude but would worry if things did progress and you were hanging out late at night watching a movie and start playing with his dick(precum) or his tounge is in there (I’m a bttm and get crave it)
I don’t think I could honestly be in a relationship with a guy and worrying all the time I do think it would work for me.
I know PREP exists but I can’t take it (medical reasons)
There is a big stigma against us men who are HIV+. If everyone is practicing safe sex, it should not matter. There seems to be a lot of HIV- guys who do not practice safe sex with other HIV- guys, but won’t date us HIV +. Is it ignorance or prejudice?
If they are truly negative and the partner is negative then how is HIV a concern? You can only be infected with HIV from someone who currently has the disease, not dating someone who is + is a personal choice and shouldnt be used to shame someone for wanting to step away from a situation with an incurable disease. I have an ex who is a close friend within the past couple years diagnosed positive after our relationship, I dont treat him any differently but its been made clear that there will not be any sex or a relationship. Thats a personal choice that I live with and it doesnt make me ignorant or hurtful, life is full of choices and if you choose to be an asshole to someone then maybe you should look in the mirror and see who the real ass is.
I have had HIV for 25+ years… In my small community there are a handful of open minded people, on this sight many block me that I have never even chatted with, they just block right up front, then you see them out with a positive guy that you know lies about his status, the joys of small town life, I am vastly more accepted by straight people with my HIV status then by the gay community, stigma is worse now then before, not sure what is driving it so high. Sometimes I think about just lying about my status… Constant rejection can be painful. Fortunately I am strong enough to deal with it.
I had a hiv poz friend who has unprotected sex with a guy while i was near and finished in him.and doesnt tell people about his status.
Were you in ecstasy at that moment? Or is it “on”? Sorry, still learning to speak English.
Nothing to do besides treat him as a human being. You dont have to like it, or be romantically interested but dont treat them like less of a person.
Gay men are total hypocrites. They’ll fuck someone who says they’re neg bareback and never get an hiv test or any other kind of std test and yet for some reason the honest undetectable guy is the one who’s going to kill them. Gimme a damn break.
The lack of education and level of sheer hypocrisy never ceases to amaze me. Furthermore, I hardly believe half the guys who claim they’d date a pos guy because that barely reflects the reality that most gay guys will run at the mention of hiv.
Also, apparently being pos is synonymous with being a whore (ha). Oh yes, people will come to conclusions about you based purely on your status. They might not know a damn thing about you or how you contracted it but they sure do love to label you a whore. I remember saying a simple, “hi” to someone; boy did I get the whole lecture about sucking and fucking the whole world and how I deserved hiv.
Am I bitter ? Yeah. At age 23 I’m bitter and jaded with dating and men in general.
I want a guy to be honest with me right from the start. When we talk about status and he mentions that he is positive, so what? My date and I will deal with this together, just like I want him to deal with my diabetes. If we truly care about each other, we can get through these difficulties together. Many years ago I was taught a phrase: “There but for the grace of God go I.” The positive guy could easily be me no matter how careful I am. We need to use our heads and hearts and bring this discrimination to a halt.
Really? That question is so 30 years ago. Would ANYONE be shocked if a date said they were poz?! Hell no. It’s all about meds and viral load. I’m HIV negative/on Prep, (top) and I actually feel safer with a poz/undetectable than a negative guy. At least their status won’t change. Frankly I’m surprised you’d pose this silly, outdated question.
….Something I’m not hearing, and what I’m hearing, constantly. No one seems to be taking into account; with our current administration, its a question of how long, people, will you be able to “afford/rely” on the availability of that magic pill, or should I say magic pills. Broaden you scope of the situation at large, take nothing for granted!
I totally agree, this administration is slowly but surely taking so many people’s rights away. I can’t believe how blind gays that voted against their best interest can get. Your current president doesn’t care about you and I, only him and his money he’s making and keeping!
Years ago, when I fell in love for the first time, it was with a man who was HIV+. We always had protected sex, but he never told me his status until one day when he wound up in the hospital because he wasn’t following the dosage requirements. I was devastated because he had kept this from me. I wasn’t infected, but his HIV status wouldn’t have impacted our relationship, that’s how much I loved him and told him so. He also said he didn’t know how he got infected which I really had a hard time believing. Ultimately, his intimacy issues forced me to reluctantly break up with him but we remained friends. He died of cancer a year ago and on his deathbed he told me I was the one that got away. After me, he dated, but never had a long term relationship. No doubt his HIV status influenced his intimacy issues, but if had been upfront, we would been able to be in a relationship all those years until he passed. I still think about him and how much I loved him. Moral of the story… never have secrets that can impact a relationship.
Unfortunately people make this issue about ethics and feelings when it should be about science. It’s pretty simple for me. Undetectable = Untransmittable. That means after extensive studies with over 800k sexual acts, not one case of transmission occurred. Case closed. If I am dating a guy who’s positive, I want to know if he’s undetectable. If he is, and has been for six months, then there’s nothing else to discuss. If he isn’t, then I’d want to talk about the reason. It would all be part of the date. It’s all about being healthy, caring, and loving. A guy that can’t pass on an STD to me owes me nothing because he’s not impacting my health … that’s the science.
Want to get rid of the poz stigma? Don’t fucking lie about your status. I’ve seen way too many men who claim to be “negative” when in actuality they are undetectable. Newsflash: Being undetectable isn’t always a permanent, continued state of existence. Even if it was, that’s not your choice to take from your partner about the safety of his life.
Then, when these HIV poz men get caught and exposed for the liars they are, they want to bitch about “a stigma.” Yeah, well when you lie about these kinds of things and put other people at risk, you deserve that stigma–and jail time.
For all those who are honest about their + status and give people a head’s up, thank you. YOU are the ones who help diminish the stigma of being HIV Poz.
I take my PrEP, I don’t care about his status. I sometimes prefer poz undetectable guys. They tend to be more fun in bed.
A pos undetectable person to me is someone who takes care of himself and is less of a risk than dont know or negative with sketchy testing history.. In NYC testing does not even occupy more than an hr or two every few months. I work in outreach and research and the biggest threat are those who dont test and if seroconverted cant or wont go on meds
Is everything about HIV on this fucking blog? It’s hard enough our situation being bi and gay. Can’t we talk about how fun the sex is more?
I’m sorry but sex and status goes together. If you’re planning to live a very active sex life, I’d recommend condoms.
Here are the facts…you are safer with someone who is poz and undetectable or poz and on treatment that with Somone who isn’t(based on their ‘word’) or is untested. If they are undetectable, even bb there is lest than a 4 % chance of transmission, even less if you are on prep as well.
EDUCATE yourself people. One day due to your ignorance you may be subject to the same treatment YOU show someone before you found out. THEN you will actually understand.
At least you know SOMEONE is being honest with you and I’d trust that person a lot faster than someone quick to respond negative or avoid the question
The 4% is bullshit…it is zero percent…no chance impossible…read the study! The 4% Was politics.
“If you are durably virologically suppressed your chance of transmitting HIV to your partner is ZERO. Let’s be clear about that: Zero” – Dr. Carl Dieffanbach, Director of the Division of AIDS at the National Institutes of Health.
My partner of 4 yrs found out he was poz one month after we started dating. I had the choice right then to back out and shame him but the thing is, it was the best connection I’d ever had with a person; he is SO much more than his HIV status. 4 yrs later he’s healthy and undetectable, I’m still neg and on PreP and we are in a loving relationship I could not imagine not being a part of. I almost never think about his status, and when I do it is never in a fearful or disgusted way. I’d encourage anyone reading this to work toward the point (through education, friendship, love, PreP) where they are able to see HIV in the same (serious but) *unthreatening* light.
The issue is clearly about honesty. If I found out that a date was Poz, it would mean that he had lied to me to get that date. It’s not acceptable, ever. As the victim of a stealthing or two, plus deliberate attempts to infect me, I remain STD-free, but far less tolerant of deception and dishonesty. For every patient for whom the meds work, there are at least two or three who have mutated strains upon which the meds have limited effects. “Undetectable” status is thrown around as if it were a guarantee of safety, and permission to do the same stupid things which resulted in the infection, in the first place. PrEP is also not a guarantee, as we are encountering new infections in those who rely exclusively on it for HIV prevention. And lies continue to be the method of choice, for those who do not care whom they condemn to death or permanent medication, some of which is prohibitively expensive and continues to be hard on the body. We need to treat liars as social pariahs, pursue lawsuits against them, drive them out of our society, and establish a clean break with the infection cycle.
Finally, someone with some damn sense.
I’ve dated 3 guys with HIV and it was never problem. As always I take universal precautions with everyone I have sex with. I’ve remained negative, because precautions were in place. HIV should not be an issue. When you properly protect yourself, there is nothing to worry about. Pride was created to stop discrimination amongst the gay population. Yet there is so much discrimination in our gay community it’s so sad. Whether it’s about looks, HIV status, or financial, it’s disgusting how discriminating gay people can be or people in general.
It’s a non-issue for me.. I’ve dated HIV positive dudes in the past.
I’m just going to throw this out there because I don’t know/understand it:
WHAT is “undetectable”? On A4A I see “+undetectable”. Well, if it’s enough to be determined +, WHAT is “undetected”?
I know this really isn’t a comment to the question presented…..but some of these responses have me confused on this status.
Hey man, undetectable means that someone has HIV but medications has suppressed most of the virus, so much that it is unfound in the guy’s blood or so little that we cannot even detect HIV anymore. So transmitting the virus is almost impossible. That doesn’t mean that you don’t have to be cautious about it and protect yourself. Is it better now?
I’d still date him and have sex.
People are more than just their hiv status. Everyone trying to say they’d opt out because of that, that is your choice, sure, but if it was you, I’m sure you’d feel pretty discriminated against. Everyone’s situation is different, some people may have made a few mistakes while others made only one, but whatever the case, they are still people. If you feel that HIV positive people are dirty and gross, you have a shitty close minded view of the world. Some people you know or even are highly attracted to are likely HIV positive people and you’d never know it. You can’t help who you fall in love with andnif you turn someone away because of that, then you might be turning away someone who could be the love of your life and someone who would love you for you and treat you better than all the rest that came before him. Think about it.
Also, no one is asking you to bareback with this person. Risks are damn near zero when playing with condoms. Get yourself educated.
A piece of me understands the stigma, and understands that no matter how long I live, or how much education, advancement in treatment, or activism takes place, it will never NOT make me a target for the uninformed and / or ignorant.
It is what it is.
What I will say is that there are currently 318.9 million people currently living in the United States (48% male) , with 1.2 official cases of people (gay, straight, male, and female) living, and frankly, shopping at the mall with the virus.
For people that don’t do math, that is less than .006 percent of the entire population of the United States.
To all the people that are living with HIV, if you find a guy that “doesn’t feel comfortable” with your status, my advice is there about 153,072,000 other men (gay and straight…hell, everybody is fluid these days), that will not have a problem.
All they will say is, “But dat ass though!”, Slap on a Trojan, and keep it movin (or pushin as the situation would be).
Treat a man that is squirrelly like a bus in Chicago. There WILL be another one in about ten minutes.
If an HIV + is the worst of you, and the guy that you are seeing can’t hang, then he damn well doesn’t deserve the best of you. #next
You make it sound like it’s so easy. Lol
I appreciate the optimism but ideals don’t equal reality.
I’m not saying that it is easy. Far from it.
But, facing the issue is a very necessary one. Complacency is not an option.
Recently my BF and I were both tested and were both negative. Yes, both of us have had other partners in the past and probably will in the future. If one of us became poz, I would find more comfort with him than with my own family or other non-sexual friends. No way would I break up, because he would be my strength through the ordeal. Plus HIV isn’t the the only STD to worry about. We would just play safer,, loving each other as much as ever. I would also help my BF as much as I could through it as well. One doesn’t just dump someone just because someone gets hiv or any other virus or bug.
PS, I not too long ago had an issue that was transmitted sexually. It was curable through medication, but during the ordeal my BF didn’t dump me. He was right there for me. Also he wasn’t the one that gave it to me.
First off To All of you who are so arrogant to think that somebody HIV-positive deserved it or they’re a whore running around whatever – you know all of you HIV-negative guys who sleep around -ones in “”open -committed “so called relationships -fuck you
not only that fact matter is somebody like me got it two years ago
I damn near died for fucking sake from Pneumocystic pneumonia which can and did accompany(ies) HIV
and the fact that anyone that would deem me a whore … .deemed me irresponsible or otherwise
go fuck yourselves I may have not always been so safe but there’s far greater a number of gay men who do way worse that I’d deem they deserve it moreso
because you know what the sucks the matter —is …mine come from a kiss genuinely from someone that I was seeing .. but he was dishonest … couldn’t be decent and honest from the get-go as I now know and
BTW I actually really liked ….not only that the fact that people run around claiming they’re committed or in so called open relationships /marriage …but you’ll still fuck around —you know what !!
You’d & you’ll deserve it more
I’ll boldly say that more than anybody or esp someone like me -who was monogamous -who actually likes(d) being & staying with the same person
SO TRY TO JUSTIFY YOUR Horribly BAD —& YES VERY VERY SELFISH BEHAVIOR – OF GETTING IT IN OR GETTING OFF .. REMEMBER YOU ALL WHO ENGAGE IN SUCH BEHAVIOR ….
YOU COULD RUIN ( and trust me -it ruins your life )someone’s life for your so called pleasure ..-Remember that EVERY time your getting it in -getting sucked off or even yes kissing &/or oral sex where an open sore or blood might be present …. cuz that’s what happened to me and it’s Bullshit and Way unfair … again where I am not trying to get with every guy or the next best thing … I actually liked being with the same guy .monogamous& truly committed with out all this bullshit of the last two years of my life . You Selfish Pricks
Now what does anyone have to say . Not a damn thing . CUZ THAT IS THE TRUTH .. and to those who are about to moderate this b4 posting . If you don’t post it .
It’s will be because this is all too true and god forbid you dont have the truth for everyone to see … and ponder
I found out that I was poz in October of 99,it was hard and some time now but I am feeling great because of meds. I will be fucking 50 this year.for me I tell the other person that I am before we meet, getting it out of the way first and if you still want to meet me ok let getting fucking.the problem that I have seen is guys that are poz don’t want to get together with another poz person.we all are looking for some one to love, thanks
You said: “I will be fuckin “50” this year.” How does one fuck “50”? Does “50” have a hungry, wet, and velvety “man” hole? When exactly are you fucking “50” this year? Lmao!
dont give in to the prep propaganda that they keep relentlessly pushing in every media venue, wear a condom each and every time you have sex, especially with a stranger that you just met. yes that means if you are sexually active, then go out and buy condoms, practice tearing open that badboy and slide it on your meat stick. better yet, dont let anyone inside your ass unless they have one on, and have a backup.
if someone wants to do bareback and doesn’t even have test results to show you, dont go down that road. its time to end the relationship if they can’t pony up with test results even after a couple weeks.
HIV positive people are some of the best people you may ever meet “if you take the chance to do so” – there is NO need to judge anyone…….after being almost celibate for 8 years my partner found me……….we are very happy together.
I’d have a good time ..no need for phobia..bit by the grace of God goes me..
I’d have a good time ..no need for phobia..but by the grace of God goes me..
Never gonna happen, I don’t date anymore.
If it ever did happen, I would do like I did last time, I would speak to them like I would any normal human being, like a coworker, brother, sister, and I will ask them no questions unless it’s about something they just said, to show I am interested in what they are saying, and I will not interview or interrogate him, and after the date is over I will leave the future of our relationship entirely up to him, as I do with any other person. I will not pursue them, and wait for them to contact me. If something is meant to be, it will be, if not, then oh well. So case in point, I would treat them as I would any other. If they even made it as far as to have a date with me, it must be because I liked something in them, but I am not about to act any differently with him, or try to make him feel weird either. I will let him take the lead on everything, and decide from there, where I wish to follow and where I don’t.
I would make sure that the date is out in public where there is little to no chance of sexual tension.
Speaking on behalf of myself being negative … I absolutely see nothing wrong with it at all. The many gay men who are positive feel like they’re still an infectious agent and still relent to: “Are you ok with that?”; “Does that bother you?” I say no, it does not bother me at all. Next question? 🙂
me personally wouldn’t care about his hiv status
I would go on a date with him. A date is a date. I’m not one to fuck on any first date.
It wouldn’t bug me a bit. It’s just a date
Wow reading all the comments really got me upset. People are already cruel to people with HIV. Our community isn’t on the same page because of the stigma. It’s just disheartening. Also, going on a date doesn’t mean straight to sex. It shouldn’t anyway. What do I know. Because of my status I’m looked at as a fetish or not capable of having a conversation. Just because I have HIV, I can’t be friends with people or just have a platonic relationship? Anyway, I hope someday they find a cure so I can feel normal again. This stuff is too depressing
ya so reading these comments it right back to put them on a island and just let them die…until its YOU!