Speak Out: Would You Come Out at Work?
Are you “out” at work? Would you come out at work? Or would you hide in the closet if it meant your career advancement? Why or why not? Also where are you from, by the way, and is it legal for the employers there to fire their employees based on their sexual orientation?
We asked because a middle school teacher came out as bisexual recently through a post in Instagram and then promptly found himself without a job when his contract was not renewed for the school year 2017-2018, Lexington Herald-Leader reports.
“I felt that they needed to know there was someone in the room that understood and supported them, regardless of who they were. As terrifying as it was to admit, I had to value someone else’s well-being over my own privacy,” Mr. Breiner said in his now private Instagram account.
Mr. Nicholas Breiner explained that he made the choice to come out to provide support to his LGBT students who are at-risk for depression and suicide.
The school superintendent said Breiner was neither fired nor terminated and the decision not to renew his contract had nothing to do with his sexual orientation at all. As a response to the school’s decision, a number of Breiner’s students and their respective parents rallied outside the county courthouse.
Bloomberg reported that there are major US companies and organizations supporting Freedom for All Americans’ call today for “a federal court to declare discrimination based on sexual orientation illegal.” The list of the companies includes Microsoft Corp., Google, and CBS to name a few.
According to The Washington Post there is a recent federal ruling in Chicago that says employees can’t get fired based on their sexual orientation, a decision which clashes with other federal rulings in the past.
Everything you need to know regarding civil rights law protecting the rights of LGBT employees can be read here at the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission’s (EEOC) website. EEOC enforces “federal laws that make it illegal to discriminate against a job applicant or an employee because of the person’s race, color, religion, sex (including pregnancy, gender identity, and sexual orientation), national origin, age (40 or older), disability or genetic information.”
Share with us your thoughts, opinions, and stories in the comments section below.
Great question. I’m a successful black middle age guy from the Maryland/DC area. I work for the Federal Government and no I would never come out as gay or bi at work. I’m not ashamed of who I am but I just don’t find it important to announce such. Its none of people’s dam business. I don’t give a elf who anyone sleep with and people shouldn’t give a elf who I sleep with. Plus I am very paranoid and if I came out and then one of my friends at work quit talking to me some time after i came out, then I would think it’s because I came out and it could another reason. Additionally if I applied for a promotion and didn’t get it, it would worry the elf out of me thinking I didn’t get it because of my sexual orientation. In closing I’m a very private person and very active in my black church. I personally don’t think anyone gay should come out because people rarely come out as straight and what difference does it make anyway.
Oh, man, there’s a part of me that ssooo agrees with you, very strongly, only because of my own experience in doing so. With me personally, ’cause they were already adding/doing the math; attractive/striking (looks like a good-looking b-ball-player kind of man) middle-aged, ect,. On the other hand, I’m ridiculously brave and its been absolutely destructive in my life, so it looks like I’ve excepted the hard life of “integrity.” One cannot be two minorities in one (blk-gay, too) as a large, very large, masculine, intelligent bro who pushes back when pushed; that’s when you’re non-apologetic for “who/what you are” therefore, no ones whipping-post. Yeah, man, sheer disaster!
It depends where you work sadly. Luckily I work retail with women, so it was easier for me to come out. They had lesbians a while back and a transwoman, so of course they’re open, but not everywhere is like that.
No. I personally just don’t see any need for a big announcement or a parade. I don’t expect or demand that anyone accepts my orientation. I don’t need their approval. So I’m not going to throw it at them with a “deal with it” demand.
But I’m not going to hide it or lie if the topic comes up.
Now, if anyone else needs to come out for any reason, that’s their choice.
The point I suppose is the gay websites and gay communities do not know what Gay Pride is.
I’ve never kept my orientation a secret at any job and fortunately I’ve never been penalized for it. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable working at a place where I’d have to keep who I am a secret.
I did come out at work,10 years ago,still work there. I have awesome people there
NO!!! I would NOT!!! I work in the high rise construction industry in Boston. I work with a lot of older, macho guys stuck in their ways. It’s not like the poster where all the construction workers are eating lunch on an I beam and everyone is happy (my grandfather is in that pic) Being gay where I work is an occupational hazard. “Accidents Happen” As does “hazing” or what I. CAll torment. it’s very frustrating as I work with my family there as well. I have worked with openly gay men (holy fuck were they HOT and smelled great). They were mizzerable and the guys fucked with them all the time (letting air out of their tires, breaking their glass on their trucks, welding their lunch boxes to the side of a building, putting all their tools in their tool boxes and welding it shut…that list goes on for miles). I’ve seen personal attacks where a guy I’ve know since I was born dropped a nut about 6lbs from 9stories up to an openly gay worker. It missed him by 3′. I laid into him and he said,”ahhh what’s one less fag in the world. No one would miss him.” This just happen to be the day and person I was going to come out to as we sat up high having lunch. I was trying to get the courage up. He was like a second father to me. I’ve never spoke to him again. I threw him off my crew and that build. Everyone hated me for years because of it. Even my own dad (his best friend).
What I find very funny is evey gay I meet when I tell them
I’m in construction say this exact same thing “oh So you must work with a bunch of hot guys!” “How awesome is that?” Next time you pass a construction site, stop and take a good look around. They are def not all hot by any means.
While the company I work for has a strict non discrimination policy that specifically includes gender identity and sexual orientation, and my manager is out, I just would not be comfortable. I am not out to anyone except a couple good friends and my sister – not even my parents know. I just like it better that way.
I seem to be at odds with most in the gay community, as I don’t see it as anyone’s business what I do in my own bedroom. I don’t deny I’m gay if asked. But likewise I don’t introduce myself as “Hi, I’m gay.”. It’s what I do, not what I am. It does not define me. I define me. (And right there I got 50,000 hate messages.). I’m sorry, but at work or anywhere else – who I fuck is none of anyone elses business.
I am not someone that discloses alot of anything to most people . So my sexuality isnt someone’s business either . Honestly though what does it matter ? .. you’re there to do a job not discuss personal stuff like that anyhow and it shouldn’t be really .. .. it doesn’t pertain to someone doing their job . I do believe and think that it’s not something that you should be fired for or to determine career advancement , it’s too bad you could lose your job over something that is your business . Not the workplace or worlds to know
I have never felt the need to “come out” at work, I don’t deny my sexual identity but don’t feel the need to have a pride flag on my desk to make sure my co-workers know that I am gay. Work is a place where I go to work not to get laid so what difference does it make the gender I want to have sex with.
I currently have my own business and before that worked for a large company that was very LGBT friendly and even an advocate, but what I do in the bedroom has no business what I do at my desk.
Sounds like he automatically assumed that his contract was not renewed because he came out. He has no evidence of that. What was his teaching like? Was he competent? How were his students test scores. These are some of the things schools look at to determine a renewal. Just to assume that he came out and that is why his contract was not renew is just lazy thinking.
i agree… that teacher did not have to come out to support the kids at the school… NEWS FLASH! he could’ve just supported them!
I have always come out at work at the first natural opportunity. If they don’t like ti you don’t want to work there, and they speculation and awkwardness is way worse. a
Why should I. I’m there to work not fuck.
I came out at age 12, never had to hide who I was. My career choice was that of a florist. I never hid the fact not did I advertise it either. However, that being said, I was very specific in requiring that conversations relating to sex were not allowed at work as that was not appropriate workplace topics. I still feel that way. Unless you are a prostitute or sex worker whose job depends on your sexual identity…what business is it of your co-workers or employers or employees if you are gay or straight? How does that admission or non-admission affect your performance of that job? So what if someone asks if you are gay? Tell them that is none of their business and that is not appropriate workplace conversation, then go back to the task at hand.
I have been out at every job I’ve had since I was 17. Where I am now in particular in northern Kentucky. I work with promently males. Who love to talk about pussy and how much they get etc. And it just gets annoying I just started a new career at this place and I just couldn’t take it so when I would be a Ked questions like “when was the last time you ate some pussy”? I respond like 5 years ago but I suck dick now. Everyone is pretty cool with it I don’t throw it in there face unless they throw it in mine. Long story short once you tell one person the rest usually find out. In this case at least. Everyone is cool with it I never experience any problems we all actually talk about our lives, spouses and what not daily and I work with all straight men and 1 female. Be proud of who you are. You would feel the need to hide you have a interest in cars, gambling or electronics would you. To each their own I just think your a coward if you absolutely hide it. That shit gets stressful.
Dont ask dont tell..,
oooh a single good looking middle age guy-never married has no kids-he must be gay.
Of course they know im gay..i work in gay bars/clubs..duh!
it’s no one’s business… i manage a group of 25 analysts and project managers that work on IT-related projects all over the world. i have no desire to know who is gay or who is straight, because i don’t want that to be “something” to come up when i need to discipline (oh! he’s only firing me because i’m gay) or reward (oh! she only got the promotion because she’s straight) my employees. someone told me years ago (because i’m a very successful Black male executive in a very white work environment), never give a person a reason to discriminate against you! keep your sex life and your sexual orientation to yourself… it’s no one else’s business who you’re fucking! #MicDrop
I would like to come out at work but not at my current state job where most people there are very conservative and religious hence very straight world. It’s hard to survive when other people are drooling for your fulltime high paid position and tracking every keystroke on the keyboard as soon as you start coming in the office where there is no actual cubicle except work stations designed to show the monitors to everyone inside the room. My coworkers especially women always tease me about my single status and tried to coax me to get married. If this happened to them then I would be reported for sexual harassment but I brush it off every time. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue or pinch myself from arguing with most of the people there when they are talking badly about transgender public bathroom issue or about agreeing with their churchy bigotry against homosexual fight for equal rights. I have to spend at least 8 hours everyday with them and be exemplary employee in whatever I do or even above and beyond a government job expects of me. Some of them are nice and seem to care for me but I am not so sure if they still are or do if they know I am a raging faggot. Hard enough to get a promotion or even transfer so just do my work and go home searching for guys outside of work. Yep work is work, my personal life is mine, none of their business.
I’m retired Army (retired in 1997) and work with/for the Army. I would never come out at work! Even in the mandatory Transgender training class today, the respect wasn’t there…..
Wish I could trust a supervisor enough to tell them how effd up that is….
Kool the way everyone ignored Mark’s ignorant comments.
I think you’re part of the problem. Homophobic much coming from a gay man? Lmao! People should choose if they want to come out or not, the only thing I do agree with you is what people do in the bedroom is nobodies business, because I don’t want to hear straight guys talking about the girl they’re bagging either, I don’t want to know and it’s not professional in the workplace, especially customer service.
But let’s face it, it’s only an ‘issue’ to come out because of people’s crappy small minds. This is 2017 and people need to get with that idea that there’s straight gay bi men and the same with women. That kind of information shouldn’t rub people the wrong way. It shouldn’t give people a free pass to pass judgement or not even given him/her a promotion for a sexual orientation one didn’t choose to begin with. Like if straights choose their orientation.
Like Mr. Breiner, I work in education. I was fired from my previous employer for being gay after three years. (All three years, I received outstanding performance evaluations with zero deficiencies.) The employer also stated that it was not a termination but just declined to renew the appointment. This was two weeks before the beginning of the new Fall term. One of my colleagues discovered it was done to try and force me out of teaching. (This was in 2002.) I managed to get lucky, though. I contacted my previous school to get a recommendation for my application portfolio and they had just had an Instructor resign to take a different position and needed someone immediately. So I returned to the school I have now been at for 15 years. I am out, but also learned to exercise more discretion. Fortunately, I have also been promoted to a rank that requires just cause for termination, a two year notification, and I am the third most senior faculty member (which means if they decide to terminate faculty for budgetary reasons, I am fairly safe since I teach a class required of all 3500 Freshmen.) I am actually much happier than I ever was in the position I lost, except I am in a small city with limited dating options. I still think you need to be careful before coming out at work, but I think it is important to set an example.
There’s an old saying, which sums things up regardless of ones sexual orientation.
” You Don’t Shit, Where you Eat”.
No I am not out at work. Reason being I keep my personal life and my professional life separate. I have to bring in customers and I cant risk loosing sales cause of my personal life getting in the way. Besides what I do behind closed doors is my business not others to gossip and talk about.
I don’t feel the need to tell people who I fuck in my bedroom. I have no problem being gay, but the entire world doesn’t need to know that I suck dicks. So, no I wouldn’t come out ANYWHERE.
“Niggers”
I can’t believe you just said that. I don’t give a fuck who you’re talking about, it’s never ok to say that.
The absolute audacity of some white people. Smh.
Apparently middle school children now follow their teachers Instagram? He didn’t come out in the class room he came out on Instagram.
Westboro trolls here? it’s dicks not ducks
I live in the sticks of rural America where one would think we would be hated and run out of town on a rail, but I have found that if you just live normally and don’t put a dress on and parade down the street and make blatant passes at their sons and husbands, they are fine with you. I don’t hide my life, if talking at work might say ‘got home and Bill wanted me to go back into town for..” The smart ones pick up on that and figure it out and don’t care.
I have been at my job with the Federal Government for 10 years now. I am proud of who I am and my position at the company. I am highly respected for the work that I do not because I’m gay. I never came out but I don’t hide it either. Most people at my job know that I’m gay but like I said I’m there to do a job and at the end of the day it’s all about how well I do that job.
I worked the night shift and had a guy that would unload his stress inside me just about every night. We would find a secluded place and we would have fun. He had me wearing different color panties every night for him.
I do what heterosexual professionals do in the workplace. That is, I don’t discuss my personal life with my coworkers. I suppose there are work environments where straight guys come in and regale their coworkers with stories about the women they screwed, but that type of conversation doesn’t occur in the office where I work. And it shouldn’t occur in any professional workplace. It’s not a matter of “in” or “out.” It’s about conducting oneself in a respectful, professional manner.
I was never out at my job until my long time partner passed from cancer. I had no choice but to out myself. To my surprise everyone I worked with on a daily basis was very nice to me. It was a small family owned business so I was worried but there was no reason to be. I moved since and work at a gay owner business with a lot of gay employees.
No. I’m self employed in the trades so I deal with homophobes every day, especially the older guys. It’s just easier for them to know I’m divorced and dating, they don’t need to know who I date.
I worked (retired now) at a maximum prison and coming out would have been a bad idea being at times I had to strip an inmate out and if they weren’t gay they would have been uncomfortable not to mention they are very vindictive and (I would never get involved with an inmate) would cause problems and making false claims and I wouldn’t want the drama from it so no I did not come out and now being retired I don’t flaunt it but if asked if I am gay I wouldn’t lie but other then that I just live my life and really don’t care who sleeps with who nor should they care who I sleep with
You know, it reminds me of when people like the late-great ‘Lena Horne’ had to “pass” for being white, to further her budding career, funny how things never really change, just the players that are involved in the “horrible game.” Such risk to be ones self.
It becomes a witch hunt, because they always figure it out anyway, who are you dating, are you gonna make-up stories about women, never talk about women, office politics, really sucks!
Being “out” is just politically motivated bullshit.
SERIOUSLY??? Are gay people still using the phrase “it’s nobody’s business what I di in the privacy of my bedroom”? ARE YOU ONLY GAY WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR BEDROOM??? And coming out as gay doesn’t say anything about what you do in your bedroom!!! Your problem is that you, like many straight people, have hang ups and shame around your sexuality. Because of this you see identifying as gay as telling everyone your secret that you are ashamed of and feel that you will be treated negatively as you deserve to be!!! For the black man who is not out, who also does a lot of work with his church? You could just as easily be not get a promotion because you’re black!!! Would you tolerate that? And just because you are not out T work does not mean that people you work with/for can’t/don’t have ideas about your sexuality and could be making decisions that are biased towards you! And their perfect defense if you had the balls to call them on it? “Are you gay? I didn’t even know that”? So no promotion and no recourse for you!!! you