Speak Out: Why Aren’t You Into Anal?
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Going by how popular media portrays gay men, you’d think that all of us are all about anal sex. But of course, the reality of the situation is not as clean-cut as that.
For instance, the 2016 book Psychology Applied to Modern Life: Adjustment in the 21st Century, says that anal sex isn’t really even all that popular among gay men. In a internet survey of MSM (men who have sex with men) across Europe, it was shown that “oral sex was most commonly practised, followed by mutual masturbation, with anal intercourse in third place.”
Even GQ has opined on the topic with the article “Why are men so afraid of the male G-spot?” In it, the writer asks straight men and men on the LGBTQ spectrum why they don’t engage in anal sex.
While the reasons straight men are hesitant are expected — 28-year old straight man George says “It just doesn’t feel right.” — the reason the sole man on the LGBT spectrum gave is sure to start some discussion.
The article quotes Dennis, a “confirmed top”, who says “I’m not saying that all bottoms are effeminate or anything but I like to feel masculine and in control.” While Dennis acknowledges power bottoms, he says that it isn’t for him,
“It’s uncomfortable getting into position and it can be degrading. It’s not what I’m into at all,” he explains.
Even Adam4Adam readers are split about it. In our post on “How To Be A Better Top”, a whole discussion started about anal fissures and how anal sex is “degrading”.
User J commented that anal fissures and “other health concerns are the primary reason why I do not participate in penetrative sex in either role. (The secondary reason being that anal sex is degrading.)”.
This sparked a reaction among other users, with one going by the alias sexdad saying “It’s only degrading if you think it is. I feel empowered knowing a guy is loving the feel of being deep in my ass.” Anonimatovato adds that “Anal and oral sex is only degrading when (typically) the top treats the bottom like an object to ‘use and abuse.’ And what’s really scary is that people film that stuff.” While a guy going simply by Bttm cheekily responds with “Yes, it’s degrading. Definitely and [sic] added bonus!”
If you’re not into anal, do the reasons mentioned above cover all the reasons why you don’t do it? What are the other reasons why you don’t want to engage in anal sex? Share your thoughts with us in the comments section below!
Here it seems that everyone is a bottom with too few exceptions that are truly versatile. Guys like to say versatile or versatile bottom, maybe versatile top, But they are all bottoms. Europe had always been different that way. I really don’t get why two tops don’t always want to play, or two bottoms for that matter. And better still = why not be truly versatile and enjoy the man you are with? It certainly makes things a lot easier and much more fun! : )
I couldn’t agree more…. although I tend to be more of a top I can’t be in a relationship with a total anything and then it’s 50/50 it’s about pleasing the one you love.
I’m mostly a top. I agree with Steve, when I find a man to share my life with, I want to please him in every aspect and want him to want to please me.
Unfortunately what you say makes too much sense for today’s world. I completely get it. I am completely vers. They key to the whole sex thing, for me personally, regardless of what you wanna be categorized as, being with someone who wants to get you off as much as they want to get themselves off. I find most guys, hook-ups in general, but even some regulars are selfish lovers. With ‘straight’ guys I get more of the connected exploration sensual sex I enjoy. I really hate using the term straight but my motto ‘ you can ve straight sitting back, straight against a wall, as long we’re having fun mutually and not hurting each other and you don’t wanna kill me in the morning, you can be whatever you want. Your sexuality is not up to me to decide. It’s yours and yours alone.’
Not me. I am a top. 100 per cent. I know because I am very open-minded to have tried pretty much everything, so I know what I am about.
im a middle age gay man who’s been around the block..from my personal experience an coffee chat talking with my gay friends we all agree that 70% are bottoms getting fcked.
Just my opinion, and I’m on the positive side of anal sex, I think it has a lot to do with spontaneity, or lack there of and this has alot to do with cleanliness.
I’m sure many gay men just plain don’t like anal sex, giving or receiving, but I think the reason’s are linked in many cases to shit.
Straight people can have spontaneous sex anywhere, any time. Anal sex, straight or gay has to be planned for it to be enjoyable. Also, the gay porn industry has created a false since of what anal sex is about. The guys seem to walk in from what ever and start fucking. There’s no nasty shitty messes and the bottom takes what ever size cock is shoved up his ass. In reality it can be painful and a shitty mess if you don’t plan it ahead off time. Porn films like the “Bait Bus” series gives a ridiculously false idea of anal sex reality. They bribe some random “straight” guy walking down the street to get in the van and get fucked for $400-$600 dollars cash. The guy gets fucked and you never see a speck of shit. This is completely ridiculous. It is a fantasy after all, but it becomes part of our subconscious mind set when we see this kind of thing over and over.
BRAVO! HYGEINE HYGEINE HYGEINE! I TOTALLY AGREE>ITS A PROCESS A ROUTINE IF YOU MAY FOR A GOOD BOTTOM TO GET READY. FOR EXAMPLE IF IM GOING TO GET FUCKED ON A FRIDAY I TAKE MILK OF MAGNESIUM WEDNESDAY NIGHT THEN ON THURSDAY I FAST AND ONLY DRINK LIQUIDS THEN THE DAY OF FUCKING FRIDAY 2 ENEMAS ARE INVOLVED AND THE FINAL CLEANING! TO PREPARE INDEED! ILL BE ONLINE AND TOPS WILL HIT ME UP WANTING TO FUCK SOME ASS RIGHT NOW UM HELLO REALLY? TOPS JUST DO NOT GET IT. THINK ABOUT IT EVERYTHING YOU EAT HAS TO COME OUT FROM SOMEWHERE…
You said it all right there.i’m versa so I know how to get cleaned out. Have done a last minute clean out and you still can get messy. So I like when a plan comes together and the guy shows up and is really versa. And cleaned out. Have met some younger men that had no clue. Or were really anal virgins and had to show and explain it
AMEN! Damn. You hit the nail on the head, or in this case, the asshole.
I’ve discovered “PURE for men” (no, I do not work for the company. It’s just a great product). It’s a dietary supplement (all natural) that you take twice a day to get your digestive system on a routine, working daily to give you healthy bowel movement’s which aids in making cleaning out (which you still need to do) much faster and easier.
Anal sex is amazing if you can relax and let your self really enjoy it. You can be at ease with the constant thought you might get your shit all over the top’s cock, not to mention everywhere else. This topic is taboo for some reason and although I’m glad we are discussing it here I get the strong feeling it’s most often avoided, especially in the gay entertainment industry, both porn and regular gay themed movies.
Queer as folk never brought it up, but they fucked all the time. The sex scenes were pretty explicit for TV, but not even for comedy sake did any of the characters get shit on them or shit on one of their lovers. The subject was never used. No one mentioned douching or “cleaning out” for a hot date or enemas. If the show mentioned it, it was so rare I can’t remember one episode when douching was brought up.
well i can honestly say no one has ever gotten shit on their dick while fucking me. you have this mentality that it is nasty when it really is the responsibility of the bottom to be clean, i do not like to top cause i have run into this, people claiming to be bottoms and don’t even know how to keep their ass clean. if you want fucked and your ass is dirty then you are not a bottom and you are just a nasty person not having any consideration for your partner. this little asspussy of mine even gets wet the more you fuck it and never smells if it did, it would embarrass me to no end and turn me off totally, i would just want to crawl in a hole and hide, lol. what you are saying is just plain nasty people and i can understand now why people do not like to top…
enough said
Once I discovered there are more ways to bust a good nutt, anal penetration just dropped lower on my list.
um how many ways are there to bust a NUT other than fucking something its just hand action?
It’s not as easy. You have to make sure the other guy is “prepared” and ready. That doesn’t always happen. Oral seems easier and quicker. Also, not a lot of men seem to be into anal. I don’t blame them. It’s uncomfortable and painful.
Because as I swang by Uranus this alien and tried to run the galaxy till some burst of energy forced him off into the black hole dam illegal aliens go back to your own galaxy. Dess men are spoken for.
Hey there David here i dont comments on most thing but there are some i jest cant pass up on . Well here goes i my self am a top 100% i tryed to bottom ones a long long long time ago . The guy i was with was a pro both in an out of bed . So bottoming wasnt for me jest didnt like it,it wasnt degrading it jest wasnt for me, but it did make me wont to insure my bottom guy was happy and pleased, i try to make sure he doesnt feel degraded or used .i wont him to be a pleased and happy like he has never been before that is most inportant . Seeing the looks on his face and knowing that ists you that has done this for him feels better and last a lot long that the event its self ,and the best part about that is it always brings him back and keeps him wonting more and there is nothing on god green earth that is better than that .
Louve you all
Enjoy it greatley lol I Do
David
Hey david, to be honest with you, we have very similar origin stories, bottomed once cause i like my ass eaten and cock sucked, thought i was verse, allowed a trusted pro to top me and it felt good but in the end i knew it wasn’t for me, but any guys who bottom for me i make sure to treat them with respect and when i see them cumming hands free because they enjoyed my cock I am happy with the end results. But at the end of the day i like a clean bro who can suck my cock long and sloppy and they love doing it.
It HURTS! I’ve read all the stories about how it only hurts at the beginning. It’s not true for me. It hurts a lot even when I make an effort to relax. When I do relax, it is not as painful, but it never gets to be comfortable, let alone pleasurable. So why endure it?
True, sex is ti be enjoyed, not endured so if it hurts, leave it alone.
Don’t get fucked if you don’t enjoy it. Also, don’t feel bad that you don’t Luke getting fucked.
Being top or bottom is as hard to explain as why some can sit down and play music perfectly by ear and others can pick up a pencil and draw anything they see, no school or training. Some people are left handed, other’s are right handed and some are ambidextrous. Top’s, bottom’s and versatile. The brain is wired a certain way and that’s it. Its more complicated then that, but it’s a good example of your true nature.
Amen. It hurts. Only had the tiniest tip of a dick in me, several times, and it hurt. just could not get into it, have tried, have wanted to, have been told by many men i have a great ass for fucking but just not into it. a trusted lover has tried with the toys and i am finally into fingering but only mild. just not into it. a tongue up there, oh fuck yes, but no dick. sorry.
I am a 58 yr. old gay man & have been “out” and active sexually since I was 19. I became curious about anal (bottoming) in my mid-20’s and an older friend of mine agreed to be my “teacher”. I only bottomed less than 10 times over the next few years (I preferred and still do prefer mutual oral the most). In my late 20’s, I met my first partner – we were together for 8 years and as it worked out, anal was never a part of our sex life for either of us. After we separated, I bottomed only a handful of times over the next 20 years. For me, the biggest obstacle to bottoming was that it was usually painful, perhaps because I never properly learned to relax. The other reason was the fear of being “dirty” which was incredibly embarrassing. No one really talked that much about douching back then, and home computers were just becoming available in the late 90’s, so I never even saw porn on the internet until I got my first computer in 1999. My limited exposure had been on video prior to that.
But I am getting off the subject here – about 5 years ago, I became curious again about bottoming and was re-introduced by a friend – at this same time, I also was introduced to douching, and I found the actual insertion of the plastic tip on the bottle very uncomfortable and painful. Although it was an incredible experience the two times i bottomed for this friend, it is just too much effort and takes too much time for me to bottom very often. I am completely satisfied with all the other sexual activities I enjoy.
I’ve bottomed.
I have only felt degraded once and that was completely on how the top was treating me, I stopped that and left.
Every other time I felt empowered. Most people don’t seem to understand that the bottom is really the one in control; it is up to THEM to let a top in, not the other way around. There are so many positions that gives the bottom the control on movement and speed.
It is a rush to know that I am the one causing the top to moan and to feel so good.
If the people who feel degraded stop and look at it from the other perspective, they might change their mind 🙂 – well, unless they are true tops (lol).
As a bottom, I love anal and don’t find it degrading at all. I enjoy pleasing my partner, whether it is with my mouth or my anus and don’t have any hang ups at all about doing so. Sometimes, you just have to relax and enjoy life.
I much prefer oral sex to anal for a casual sexual encounter. But Its so rare to find a guy that is into ORAL-ONLY play. To fuck as a top I feel a deep personal connection with my partner and would prefer to save it for a guy that I’m seriously dating or having a relationship with.
Bro i fell u man, same here, i totally prefer getting my cock sucked, nice and sloppy and the guy has to enjoy doing it, alot of ppl think of doing oral “only” as forplay, for me to ahve sex i gatta have a connection.
It hurts. Its dirty. It smells. Many guys don’t douche
I dunno for me personally I always had an aversion to anal because for me it really is unconfortable. My partner makes it as pleasant as he can but he’s not small to begin with and even the smallest of butt plugs are still a discomfort to me. But I do it for him out of love and the want to satisfy all his needs. But he still knows I’m not fond of it. Any tips? I followed all the advice listed in the how to be a better bottom but I could always use that extra push.
anal sex is the best ! No its not degrading in my opinion . Anyone i have ever been with has enjoyed greatly & always wanted more . Bj’s are great but i consider them foreplay .
i love anal myself it dont hurt and feels wonderful but sometimes being a bottom can be a lot of work where oral 69 is much easier and not a lot of work
I agree oral is the warm up and to get us more turned on with anticipation
there full of crap…!!!!!
That is definitely a reason to not like butts, they are full of crap.
I personally don’t do it cause I hate the smell of shit. Even when some guys seem clean, you don’t really know until you start fucking. I do everything with a guy, even take his load in my mouth, but the smell of shit is a boner killa for me, no matter how hot the guy was.
Agreed but I always do my best to get cleaned out. I hope he does the same if he is going to bottom. As long as there is not any true turds.. if it is liquid it’s easy clean up. And depending on how things are going.if we continue or not
I like it but its a lot of prep work and lots of times you just can’t be clean and ready. There is no way in hell i am letting someone top me unless i am completely clean as a whistle inside.
Never had an issue with bottoming… it can great pleasure in being pounded by someone who knows what they’re doing tho painful when they don’t. Cleanliness is also a factor in enjoyment of anal sex so even if I am not sure it will happen before meeting a guy, I do like to “prepare” myself just in case.
It’s always important to say “No” or “Stop” when any sexual experience isn’t working for you. We should never go along if something doesn’t feel right… that little voice inside is talking to you for a good reason. Conversely, it’s a great idea to discuss with your partner what is working, or what you like, not to mention verbalizing during sex can be a real turn-on.
at 58 bottom here. Two things, Im not a top, never was and hat the thought of topping someone else (but that’s my problem) Only once did I have a “mishap” of the woopsie dasiey variety. Trust me, I made sure it never happened again. If you don’t have time to clean up, don’t do it. I remember hearing a story about a waiter in NYC, who took one of his clients home, yadda yadda yadda, not when this guy makes a reservation, the call him Dr Shit.
getting fucked in the ass is a huge turn on, you just have to clean out that juicy hole first so its not messy. nothing feels better that a big cock sliding in and out your ass……degrading, no way….when a man is dominate or takes control when he fucking you its a bigger turn on……..loves a real man to tell me how much I love his cock, while I raise my ass to meet his powerful thrusts of thick cock. It like have orgasms through your ass……all you hung tops look me up
I was in an accident as a child that left little to no sensation in my wiener, anal sex opened a whole new world for me and without it I would have little to no sex life.
i know a ton of muscle queen’s an by the time they’re 35…..they get fist fuck(ff).
I’m a “side”. I do not at all want to bottom but I also don’t find topping appealing as butts are kinda gross for real. Sure they look nice in jeans or a speedo but uncovered they smell. LOL.
Meanwhile I love cocks, I love sucking cock, holding one, jacking one getting sucked, etc.
It doesn’t surprise me the survey looked to all “men who have sex with men” and not just gay men to find it, it seems like among gay people it’s all bottoms looking to only bottom. If that’s for you cool, but it isn’t for me. It feels like the only guys I can find into oral and mutual masturbation and fine with just that are like married down-low guys or something.
I 110% agree with you, and that is my stance as well. I consider myself a top.. I don’t enjoy the feeling of my ass being played with, therefore it would require being in a solid relationship with someone to even consider opening up to it (yeah pun intended lol). While fucking an ass feels better than my fleshlight, it isn’t my primary interest and I do need to work up to it – I can’t just drop trou and sneak a quickie in a bathroom or something. I live for foreplay. To me, playing around for an hour or two or more – making out, taking a long hot shower together, cuddling, watching porn and jerking/sucking each other is so much hotter than fucking. And it’s the same situation here as well – it seems the only guys around here who are into that are married closet cases. One dude even invited me to his house to mess around in his bed that hes shares with his wife while she was at work and his kids were at school… Not that someone who would do that doesn’t deserve to get caught, but I didn’t want to be part of it.
Trust me i’m single, Bi, dl,top. age 26 and educated and i love getting oral done on me, especially when the guys love giving a blow job and his cock gets hard and precums, thats when i know he loves doing it.
I don’t find it degrading or demeaning. I think that it’s can be empowering as well. The main reason. Why I refuse to, being a thin black gay male, is that it’s expected. Personally I feel ‘I don’t know you, why should I give you my ass.’ and I don’t know about you. But I see a ton of bottoms everywhere. Finding a genuine top can be difficult. And I understand the whole concept of sexual curiosity experimentation and exploration. But not to slut shame anyond, when did those this become mutual with being easy and available. When did gay sex culture go from the occasionally casual sex (more often than not) to full blown anonymous NSA orgies (no w more than ever). When did a blown out asshole become a calling card and why do so many guys think it’s desirable. When I enter a guy I don’t want to fall in. Resistance is good. I have it cause I definitely am afraid of a blown out ass. Rather suck and edge you for hours than you drill my hole and make unrecognizable. And when I do let a guy drill me or or I a drill a guy it will be someone worth it that I feel connected to. That I either have seen or plan on seeing more than once. I feel.kike I have been waiting g forever to say this publicly and not feel whatever the opposite of slut shaming is. But glad I got it out there for discussion. Sorry about the typos. But being in a cold place and typos this wasn’t the grandest if ideas.
Hey “OCEAN_X” glad u said it, and its not slut shaming its u basically having standards and treating your body with respect, as one comment stated, by the time most of these verse or bottom guys hit 30 they would have anal fissures, or a very slack hole, alot of men mistake sex for temporary love so the more they have sex with spontaneous strangers can’t recall if they used protection or not and having to suffer with incurable disease for the res of their lives (if they reach age 40), its all about standards and if thats the right ppl to lay with, but hey ppl will be ppl and do alot of bullshit and when they start to suffer they blame tom, dick or harry at that no condom sex party.
Initially, even penetration by a finger or small dildo made we want to shit. With practice from a helpful bud, penetration moved to painful. As another bud expressed interest in topping me, they each learned if they worked me with a generous amount of lube and fingers for a few minutes, I open up wide enough to accommodate them. While it doesn’t hurt, there’s no pleasure. No wow. What does give me pleasure is listening to them as they build toward orgasm and finally cum. Me on my belly works best with them plowing on top. I enjoy laying under them afterwards for several minutes while we recover. No fuck and run. And, no, I’m not their submissive bitch. I’m a guy who expects reciprocity. Their asses are mine as well from time to time.
Well, i read all these posts saying how it hurts. It’s all about the angle in my opinion. I almost always start out on top, taking charge of entry. You bend yourself all right and hell, there ain’t no pain whatsoever. Now you talk about a 11-13 incher, then yeah. That’s got to be slow grinding without the thrusting. But 10 and under, it all be good. And on douching. Tops don’t get it when a bottom they been chatting up gets furious for the top flaking and being a no show. You spend an hour in the bathroom gettin’ that flow clear enough to drink then get stood up. Yeah, it pisses a bottom. Greatly. Likewise a top who contacts you and wants it NOW. Hey, you want a shitty dick? Then don’t give him time to do what it takes to avoid that. I’m verse, so I know it from both angles. And, by the way, ain’t nobody gonna top you like someone who has bottomed before……love my verse flippers. Yep.
Omg Tulsa you hit the nail square on the head there. I have yet to get a 10 and bigger but hope to some day my 12″ dbl end dildo has disappeared completely in my ass hope to make a 12 or 13″ cock do the same some day
I don’t find the results of this survey surprising at all. I think even for guys that are open to anal, it just takes too much planning and preparation. Oral and mutual masturbation can happen more spontaneously.
True a quick last minute meeting is just oral and mutual mmasturbation possibly making out if there is continued interest in more we can set that up
On the subject of cleanliness, I think a lot of that has to do with dietary matters and alimentary canal genetics. If one eats enough fiber in the diet, one’s bowl movements are better (“perfectly”) formed and exit the body leaving virtually no mess behind. (Let’s hear it for Shredded Wheat for breakfast daily!!) A bulb douche or a Fleet takes care of the hygiene issue. However, I also suspect some persons’ alimentary canal biochemistry may not produce “good-looking well-formed” stools, in which case, hygiene may require more preparation.
The other thing is pain. For some reason, a dick going in and out for me just hurts too much and doesn’t bring that wonderful sensation produced by the evacuation of a well-formed stool! grin
I have been fucked about 6 times. The first times was horrible. A couple times I was just getting pounded and just thinking I hope he cums soon and this will be over. I think maybe the right size dick in my ass would be best.
Hey so I am new to the site as a bottom I LOVE anal. I love the power I have knowing at that moment no matter the position I am in charge. And when I am with someone I truly love and have an emotional connection to it’s truly amazing. Just my thoughts!
I would love to be versatile-especially since meeting my partner. But, I enjoy taking it anally over oral. One thing I have noticed–I enjoy a thick cock even more than a long one.
When I began having sex, in my teens, the guys I were with only did oral. If they wanted anal sex, they didn’t verbalize it. And since I was young, I had no experience with it. This was before online videos. In my 20’s, I explored bookstores and watched porn actors doing anal, but never really got into it myself, except for a handful of times over the years.
I was always anxious, and therefore tense, during casual sex. That’s one reason I couldn’t enjoy it. When I began a long term relationship, my partner and I tried it, but even then, it wasn’t something I enjoyed.
Another reason for avoiding it, is the preparation stage. I never knew about enemas for the longest time, and when I did discover how to prepare, it wasn’t worth the time and effort, since I’d be tense anyway. Add to that my current doctor warning me to avoid anal, even with a condom and well…
I really enjoy mutual oral sex, and that combined with some fetish play, completely satisfies me.
Some social apps don’t even give an option for oral, so I put “ask me” and write it in my description. Some guys say top, bottom or versatile, but I’ve found most are fine with oral only. And besides, a tongue up there feels really good.
Why did your doctor tell you to avoid anal?
I never realized that so many men only want oral. I don’t like degradation. It is sex supposed to be fun and pleasurable. For both of us if i’m hurting you I’m doing it wrong or didn’t give you enough foreplay. And if I taking the dick i will let you know what is going right or wrong…
But I love anal giving and taking.
HMU IOWA guys
Anal huh? Well that includes a lot of stuff. Yes, fucking both giving and receiving. Anal play with toys and other objects. Fingering ass either giving or receiving. And of course rimming, both ways. Well I love to rim and be rimmed, fingered, and love toys, but I’ve done very little actually fucking (cock in ass). Mainly because for me it hurts and that turns me off. Also getting hard enough to penetrate my partner is sometimes an issue. A lot of it depends on cock size, and compatibility and willingness of both partners. I have been fucked with cock and I have fucked others, but not very often. Also I am always scared of getting HIV or other diseases. So don’t care to do it, unless I know for sure my partner is clean. Another issue is poop. It’s no problem for me and actually is a turn on. Scat is even another form of anal play. Yes, I get turned on when I see another guy poop, or rim an ass that stinks. I have actually played with poop, tasted, and smeared it on my cock. I love it when a guy isn’t ashamed to fart or poop with me watching and or joining in. I have fingered ass and pulled poop out of ass. I once had a guy poop on my chest. That was hot. Well so much for nasty stuff. Each to their own, and I say if it feels good do it.
I think I have a different perspective if anyone’s interested. I’m 57, married to my wife for over 30 years (but deeply hidden in the closet), and I’ve had sex with men since I was 18 (albeit with a 10-year layoff after we first got engaged). As a naiive 18-year-old, I started out believing “the thing guys do” was flip-fucking – that the ‘routine’ was, we’d 69, maybe make out, perhaps some rimming, then you fuck me then I fuck you back. That’s what I often did – and although I liked topping more than the pain of bottoming, I still liked the “whole package.”
After my 10-year layoff, which was not only due to my engagement/marriage but also the early/mid-80s reality of HIV/AIDS, it was a whole new world to me by the mid-90s. To get back in the game, I had to promise myself I’d never put myself at risk. To me, that meant that bottoms were at a greater risk (condom use always a given) – being married and overly paranoid, to this day, I’ve only been fucked once since the mid-90s, solely due to my fear of the condom ripping while inside my ass. I’ve owned a dildo for the past dozen or so years and it helps a bit. But in a disease-free world, I’d probably still either be versatile or even bottom.
There’s another wrinkle here: Over the past 5 years or so, two things seem to impede on my enjoying topping: 1. As soon as I open that package, my dick shrinks. Then it becomes a distracting hassle to finally hard enough to get the condom on. 2. Because I get soooo into kissing and sucking, by the time we get to fucking, something inside me becomes spent – like past-peak-performance. That contributes to my inability to retain hard enough to get the condom on and shove it in. It sucks because I do love fucking.
Sorry for rambling (if anyone’s still reading this), but there’s one other thing: So many of you referred to bottoming being degrading. As an otherwise str8 guy, to me it’s smokin’ hot to feel like I’m being degraded. If I ever get up the guts to spread my wings for guys again, being degraded and being a top guy’s sex object would make me wild!
I’ve had 3 friends in thier twenties become hiv positive. That stopped me cold from ever doing it. The prep time is insane and too planned for spontaneous sex, and it hurts like hell. It’s sad because my butt is huge erogenous zone, you can do anything to it, except penetrate it.
I know what I like. I am open to have tried everything I have ever wanted, sexually.
a lot of single European men still live with family, so the (w)hole clean-up process can be very difficult, hence oral is often easier. I used to be fully versatile, maybe even a little more btm, but a couple things happened. When I lived in the MidWest, it was best to be as versatile or at least open to opportunities on the rare occasions they might, ahem, arise. As I got older, I apparently switched to full on “Daddy”, AND my meds (HIV and just older white guy) made my GI system extremely unpredictable. And the less “practice” my ass got, the easier it was to make it bleed. (A lot) And blood and scat are my two biggest turnoffs – whether giving or receiving ….so I stay (mostly) a big, hairy top Daddy, and pretty much everyone is happy…
1. Anal cancer – even if you use a condom, HPV infection can still happen
2. If I were to bottom, I would admit that I was gay
I am 62 and I don’t like it! I tried with different guys and it hurt and made me bleed. i topped a few times and that was a disaster! Most of them were not clean and I felt foolish. I only like foreplay and sucking and jerking.. So I am not a top or a bottom..
As a bottom, I can agree that it is indeed enjoyable… but there is a ton of leg work to be done beforehand. On top of that, I have experienced an anal fissure from sex, and have also developed a fistula as well… sometimes it makes me wonder if it’s all worth it. But when I’m with the right guy, and things click, I know it is.
JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!!!!! GET WOKE PEOPLE there are sooooo many other things to be concerned about in this country right now and you all are whining about some dude’s rectum having shit in it (which is its biological function). It’s just a matter of time before you all are going to be lucky if you’re just a refugee to Canada or Mexico. Get some fucking perspective.
Personally, anal just isn’t for me. That being said neither is topping. I’m 25 and have done both the older I get the less turned on I get. It is to the point where I cannot stay hard while topping. I honestly find it one sided sex. I don’t think anal feels good and I find it nasty. I’d rather use my own hand. These days it’s so hard to find someone on your level. Either they give too much or don’t give enough. Maybe I’m just picky. I love porn simply because I can imagine the act with out having to get dirty and feel dirty after. Not my mess to clean up. I’d rather suck dick all day and night you don’t even have to touch me.
I think a lot of what this article was communicating was about guys who don’t like to bottom. But for someone like me, who doesn’t enjoy topping or bottoming, anal sex is just uncomfortable for me personally.
A lot of guys like to say you’re just not doing it right; to start with fingering and use a lot of lube. But in the end, bottoming just isn’t my thing.
As for topping, now that I know how it feels bottoming, mentally, I can’t get into doing that to someone else, even if they View the experience differently.
There’s a lot of pressure out there saying that if you’re gay, you have to enjoy anal, and I do t think that’s true at all. I feel we should be more accepting and understanding as a community when it comes to things like this.
It’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
“There’s a lot of pressure out there saying that if you’re gay, you have to enjoy anal,”
The title of this blog “Why Aren’t You Into Anal?” pretty much supports that expectation. “Anal: Hot or Not?” would have left some room for discussion.
This has always been an issue for me because anal sex is not near the top of my favorite activities and, on the rare occasion I do engage in anal sex, I only top. I don’t enjoy any stimulation in my own ass. It provides zero pleasure and only discomfort. Far too many of the men I meet regard anal sex as the be-all-end-all of sex.
The reality is, I wish I could enjoy bottoming, because I actually enjoy playing the passive/submissive role in bed. Hell, as far as “degrading” goes, the thought of being degraded during sex is actually a turn on for me. I’d classify myself as an “oral bottom,” but the inclusion of the word “bottom” seems to automatically imply anal which I simply don’t enjoy; and, even though I enjoy topping from time to time, referring to myself as a “top” seems disingenuous seeing as I’d much rather suck or rim 95% of the time than top someone.
As a full fledged bottom, I love anal sex. However, its like this
)take a lot of prep work
)rimming.. like how safe is that even when prepped
)it hurts if its wham bam thank you sir
it can be fun, but in a relaxed prepared mood and environment. for me, yes, I like it, but I’d rather do other oral, j/o, rubbing, or a host of other things.
I have had those in my life who want anal sex without a condom. I love you and will always tell you the truth about my HIV status or other health issues.
really? been lied to more times than I can count. no thanks. Glove it or no go. Husband, boyfriend or otherwise.
For me anal sex is like Thai food; there always seems to be a moment where I find myself thinking “Do I really enjoy this?”
Wow everyone lays it out on here. I used to enjoy anal when I was younger but it’s a major trust issue with me. Do I trust him to not physically harm me with his thrusts? Do I trust that he has been honest and clear about his health? Do I trust that he desires my soul above the physical activity going on? Those are my concerns as a bottom.
Yes it’s thrilling when a guy is insanely attracted to you and dripping across the floor or through his pants. It’s unforgettable when he’s dressed for work and gets half dressed on top of your ass for an impulse quickie. I don’t trust guys now because technology has made hooking up so effortless and I can’t seem to find anyone willing to have an in depth relationship. I met the best, most awesome working 10.5″ guy that I never had inside me because I wasn’t fully assured of his intentions. When he did claim feelings, he clammed up saying we were too intense and is back in his anti social rut. I cannot stress the treasure between his legs beyond I can barely find porn videos with a hotter man piece. Thankfully he was versatile and was in beast mode when I was inside him. I was actually relieved when he went into shutdown mode over his internal issues (grief, being an absent parent, high strung persona). Back to the topic, I’m glad I didn’t give in and have a wrecked ass and single. lol
There’s no physically closer way to be together than bottoming. To me the intimacy exceeds the physical deed going on whether I’m on top or bottom. I’m not claiming to be the finest or hottest thing out there especially in my late 30s. I do know that I’ve always been a very spirit connected type guy and that seems to have gotten me some great experiences. I just have to find one to trust again and then I’d be willing to reopen for the business after a 2 year closure.
Bleeding and ruptured discs made not bottoming an easy choice for me. Honestly, I can top but prefer oral and other body contact.
I’ve only let anonymous guys do anal to me a few times and every time it hurt, turning me off. Also the risk of diseases makes me nervous, causing more stress. However I love to finger and be fingered in the ass gently, going in a far as one can go. If the guys ass smells bad it’s also can be a problem, with one exception that being my loving BF. Neither he nor I seldom do anal (however both of us has done anal with others as well as with each other), but we get off mostly with masturbation and oral sex. I do love rimming, but only with those I know that are clean, and of course with my BF. I always expect anyone’s hole to be dirty up there. Sometimes when my BF and I finger or rim, our holes are not always clean, and my fingers come out brown, and it actually makes me feel closer to him. Sharing everything is part of being very close and in love with each other.