Speak Out: Would You Tell Your Straight Friend You Like Him?
It’s no surprise that a lot of us find ourselves attracted to straight men. After all, there’s much more of them around than there are of us. For some of us, they’re the first guys we ever have a crush on. There’s also something hot about imagining a straight guy doing something “naughty”.
But harboring feelings for a straight guy is entirely different from telling him about those feelings. At best, you end up lucky and he’s not actually a straight guy. At worst, you get physically assaulted and possibly hospitalized.
On the secret-sharing website Whisper, a number of gay men have come forward with what happened to them after confessing their feelings to the straight men in their lives. The reactions vary from happy to heartbreaking.
Taking off from this post, we want to know if any of you Adam4Adam readers have confessed your feelings for any straight man you’ve liked or lusted over. How did the straight guy react? Did the two of you end up hooking up? Or did it result in ended friendships?
We want to hear your stories, so feel free to share your experience in the comments section below!
I think gay men are taking this stuff too far. To tell a man you know isn’t gay’ you are asking for trouble. And when trouble come’s you wonder why…
Stay in your lane and quit wanting every man too be gay’ that is foolish and can bring you harm and also cause him to go to jail for whipping your ass’ you caused it because you crossed the line. Stay in your line, be safe, and live.
I had crushes on so many of my straight friends that, since nothing ever happened, I built up an immunity to falling in love even when I have dated gay guys. It’s not good.
I work in a high rise apartment building. I’m fairly friendly with a large number of the residents there. Some, yeah, definitely have a crush on. Would I ever say anything? Probably not, although I am tempted after one of them having gotten more then a little drunk tried to hit on me. *shrugs* I didn’t follow up at the time as I didn’t want to cross that line, especially when someone’s judgement is impaired. Who knows what the future might hold though.
I have 2 straight male friends, they know I’m gay and are cool with it. But, I never told either one I’m physically attracted to them…I treasure the friendship and don’t want to jeopardize it! Personally, I made a conscious decision to value the friendship MORE….a decision I haven’t regretted yet!!
Wow. This subject has been the theme of my life. I’m a african American bi-man living as a straight guy with a wife and 4 kids. All my male friends are supposedly straight. I been fighting off coming on to my friends for years. I been in love with many if them. I’m sure they know because of my jealousy reaction to them when I see them with other guy friends of theirs. The thing is they aren’t 100% sure so they have to be careful not to cross the line as well. It’s very different as well as confusing dealing with black guys because of the brotherhood thing. We as brother tend to stare at each other, even total strangers because of the bond we created from the struggle. We have to differentiate whether or not it’s the brotherhood thing or if they have other motives. Very thin line.. I’m in love with 2 of my best friends right now. I would never come on to them unless they made the first move. I love them alot and wouldn’t want to jeopardize that or make them feel uncomfortable around me. They tell me they love me all the time so it’s very confusing……….
I more than likely won’t tell him. I value our friendship and confessing a fleeting crush on him would undermine that friendship. I have no problem admiring him from afar.
absolutely not.
I don’t find heterosexual men sexually attractive. some of them are cute, but since there’s no sexual chemistry, they’re just sweaty wallpaper to me.
I don’t buy into all of that ‘I’m straight but I’ll let you suck my cock’ transactional nonsense either. nor do I subscribe to the mythology of the superior heterosexual deigning to be serviced by the inferior homosexual. that’s not for me.
of my gayboys friends who have confessed to crushes on straight men, none of the incidents ended well. two got a one-time one-sided encounter that ended the friendship, and the rest didn’t even get that.
I’m in therapy twice a week over my straight friend who I am in love and infatuated with. He knows and seems to get off on telling me about his heterosexual conquests. It hurts so bad but I don’t want him to stop.
I have had 3 straight guy crushes at different points in my life. I have told all three of them. One didn’t reciprocate but he was really upfront and professional about it. We haven’t spoken since. The other two said they are straight but I have had sex with them both. One actually took my virginity but we lost contact after I moved away. The other is still my friend and we still fool around whenever we’re both single. He says no one give him better head. 😉
LOL! What claptrap! There is no such thing as a straight man who has sex with other men or is attracted to men!
Thee homage to “straightness” has got to stop. Do you!
I sure would and I have told one of my best friends. When I told him he laughed and thought it was funny and he told me that he felt that he knew was just waiting for me to tell him. He is one of my best friends and as of today we still care for one another and even tell each other that we love one another.
First… Pardon my hacker…
Second…
LMFAO… Sexual oriented identities as psycho-dynamically capable of any form of human companionship!? Lol… Come now and know! It’s too fixated on it’s own “worth” and all the questions of to open its eyes and find the answers in the interactive world!? Lol. This ones funny. I don’t have friends. But y’all have fun.
So many straight guys would respond, “Can I suck your cock?” or vice-versa, you have to try?
I told my straight best friend. Obviously he did not reciprocate but he was very kind about it. We were roommates, so we moved to separate places and were distant now. Such is life.
The question made me think of how I feel when a woman tells me she has a crush on me. Generally, I withdraw from the friendship because our interests are not mutual and I don’t want to waste her time nor put myself in a situation where I may be manipulated. I would never put my straight friends in that predicament. I can have a crush on a man and be his best friend and never tell him. It’s the quality of the friendship I value. All relationships do not need a sexual component.
Though there was someone I was interested in for years, I never said anything to him and now I’m just as thankful that I never did! However on the reverse side of things, I once worked with a nice guy who was very good looking and sexy who I chatted with a lot. We got along well and seemed to click but since I considered him ‘straight’, and he was married with a family, I never thought too much more about it. However, he stopped by my place one time and shyly admitted that he had feelings for me. It was a surprise but we didn’t waste anytime in taking things to the next level. Later he admitted to me that I was the first guy he’d ever been with. After getting together a number of times we eventually drifted apart and ended up working in different places but I’ve always kept special memories of him and still consider him a friend.
I can’t think of anything that is more disrespectful to a friendship than to dishonor it by perving on a friend. Have some gumption and tell a person right away if you like him. Don’t try to manipulate by waiting until you are friends to make a play, especially if you know he is heterosexual. And I feel the same way about girls who do the same thing to their gay guy friends. It utterly disrespects the friendship and dishonors the person you say is a friend.
Agreed. Why are so many gay guys so egotistical, self-centered, and self-absorbed? You hare a friend who presents himself as straight and then you totally disrespect him. He could even be taking shit from biggotted acquaintances for having you as a friend. Learn to keep your penis in your pants, hold onto your precious little heart, and get some character.
This is so one-sided and egocentric that it’s damn near pitiful. How would you as a gay man feel about a woman coming on to you?? I guarantee that the very guys on here that would say “Ew!! Yuck!!!” Are the main guys that would tell a straight male that they have a crush on them. I mean….What’s the point???? You have such clear boundaries when it comes to what you like in terms of gender, RACE (omg), body type, etc… BUT you don’t respect a straight male’s boundaries???
Mike has been a good friend of 15 years. He’s a major DILF. When he told me he and wife of 23 yrs were getting divorced and he was starting a new life/lifestyle. I first offered sincere condolences and then said “Now I have a fighting chance with you”. He laughed and said “Hardly”. I did express that he was HOT and that I’d do him in a New York minute. He appreciated the compliment but said “Not interested”. That did not dissolve our friendship. We still go out to dinner, smoke cigars & drink bourbon on the patio or deck and grab a movie here and there.
That’s a so me response. Love it. I get a lot of jerks that want to flash their junk and then shame me for looking.
Is it any different than when a straight man hits on a woman?
There have been some instances where straight men end up in gay relationships because they fall in love with a man, and only that man, and return to women when the relationship ends. I’ve also met a few gay men married to the woman they love. They’ve had children together and love each other deeply. But they still identify as gay.
At the end of the day, you must do what makes you happy. If it hurts to be just friends with a man, straight or otherwise, you have three options. First two, keep quiet or end the friendship, are easy. Admitting to your feelings takes balls.
Furthermore, as adults we should realize that sometimes the emotion expressed to us may be a simple crush. All my straight friends know I find them attractive if I do. Some I’ve even professed love for. We are all still friends. Those I professed love for I consider extended family and no longer try to push for more. They know I’ll be there for them and I know they will be there for me.
I very recently had this experience with a 2 year friend of mine. He’s more grappling with the transition from straight life to gay. I definitely knew the risks emotionally but hey, you only live once. He has Phelps face and body and a 10″+ masterpiece. It worked beautifully. Slightest touch sent it from 6″ to 8″ in seconds. I hate to focus on that but it was really fun. First few days he was enjoying bottom bunk duties. I couldn’t risk the emotional part of being bottom and he called me out on my hesitation a few times. I’ll tell you that he’s definitely very high if not the sexiest I’ve ever met. We bonded over tv shows, movies, dinners, etc. His dog became my buddy and started sleeping next to me. I was kinda overwhelmed keeping up with the demands of a very active 10″ and was kinda relieved when he said we were too intense and he wanted to go cold turkey. We’ve talked a few times since but I’ve never offered to see him again. He used the l word a few times explaining the split but I never told him those words or even acknowledged a relationship. It was such close deja vu that I knew what was coming and that it was because he developed feelings with a man which is unsettling for some. Same thing happened in 2009 and now 8 years later same situation.
I’ve been active in the Mens movement since 1985 and the raison d’etre for the weekend retreats is to be open to ALL men regardless of ethnicity, religious affiliation, marital status, and, heaven forfend, sexual orientation. As a result as a racially mixed (African-american/German/Scots-Irish)
bisexual man, having and maintaining friendships with other men who are straight is what I have done since meeting my best friend in the 7th grade in 1949. We knew then we would be best friends forever, the very particular providence of 12-year olds (at least in those days). We are both approaching the Big 80 and still best friends, though he married in 1969, moved to Southampton, UK and raised 4 children. We never lost touch and now see one another every year since 1989 when he returns to NYC, where we grew up. For me, friendship and love, are one and the same thing. His children have dual passports (USA and UK) but only one, his daughter has returned to live in America when she married an American and when I met her some years ago, she knew all about me from her Dad. I believe a real and true friendship, especially between men (which seems fairly rare in our very conservative and sexually repressed American society) can easily overcome any perceived differences like the ones mentioned above.
My Dad was very matter-of-fact about many things and I can say I have taken after him in that way. As a result I have always been matter-of-fact about my minority sexual orientation and mixed, racial heritage and being an active member of the mens movement since 1985 have met many men who are completely confident in who they are and NOT afraid of other men because of some persistent, societal hogwash about wrongfully perceived differences. ALL of my close male friends I have met in the mens movement since 1985 including one to whose children I have been an Uncle since the day they were born. Do I love him…you bet I do. Does he love me? Yes I know he does though he is not particularly demonstrative but his wonderful wife has always reminded me of his love for me, whenever I visit…they are family to/for me and they made that quite clear years ago when they got married and sent me an invitation, and letting me know that I was there because I was family.
I know for a fact that ALL men in our repressed American society grave the special quality of a true male/male friendship which we are denied in not so subtle ways….with one exception… men who have served in a war together form an eternal and unbreakable bond with one another that is as powerful and true as all male/male friendships could/should be.
So a true friend would never be threatened (?) by being told his best mate was a gay or bisexual man. Thanks for your attention.- Jesse
Only if he knew I liked him.