gay dads

Family : Do You Want Children?

It’s been one year already that Supreme Court ruled on marriage equality after years of intense debate about the merits of same-sex parenting. During the ongoing debates about same-sex marriage, one subject routinely arises: children. Judges, activists, and academics have been locked in a search for evidence of how having gay parents affects a child’s family life.

Few years ago a republican presidential hopeful Rick Santorum told a New Hampshire audience that children are better off with a father in prison than being raised in a home with lesbian parents and no father at all and Pope Benedict called gay marriage a threat “to the future of humanity itself,” citing the need for children to have heterosexual homes. (#idiots)

But research on families headed by gays and lesbians doesn’t back up these dire assertions. In fact, in some ways, gay parents may bring talents to the table that straight parents don’t.

Gay parents “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they CHOSE to be parents,” said Abbie Goldberg, a psychologist at Clark University in Massachusetts who researches gay and lesbian parenting. Gays and lesbians rarely become parents by accident, compared with an almost 50 percent accidental pregnancy rate among heterosexuals, Goldberg said. “That translates to greater commitment on average and more involvement.”

Research has shown that the kids of same-sex couples — both adopted and biological kids — fare no worse than the kids of straight couples on mental health, social functioning, school performance and a variety of other life-success measures.

With that in mind, what are your thoughts on the subject? Are you in favour of gay parents to raise children? Would you have children? Do you have children?

There are 23 comments

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  1. joey

    I believe children do well as long as they grow up in caring, loving family, who will take the time to give them the attention they need growing up, irregardles of sexual preference. I believe that is only common sense thinking. So many people have families that don’t or won’t give the children the necessary attention and love needed for the child to grow up and be productive in the society. I personally never cared to have children. I have a cat who is a lot like having a child, and he is enough for me to handle. Lol

  2. TiredOfIt

    I’ve raised my own kids, three of them, and two others were raised by their mothers in a “str8” household. Mine came out better, because I worked hard to provide for them and make sure they had the extras good kids always get and I made doubly sure that they put school FIRST, fun stuff down the line. I also lived with their mother…it was no secret that dad liked dick and ass, but I wasn’t going to do that. Fools that adopt kids (I had mine the old fashioned way…I made them) and try to raise them in some gay ghetto are screwing up their kids AND trying to live a life that they can’t possibly really want. I agree with the UTA survey; it comports with everything I’ve seen with kids of gay fathers being raise either alone or with a partner. It’s time to cut the PC CRAP in the gay community. Why not dwell on more important issues like the meth epidemic, or the ever-rising HIV infection rates due to guys just not giving a crap. Who’d want to try to raise a GOOD kid in that toxic environment? I raised mine when it wasn’t NEARLY that bad, and I stay mostly at home.

  3. JoeyGuyNextDoor

    My ex had 3 daughters from previous relationships. Now at 3 years past the break up of our 5 year relationship he is on his 2nd legal divorce from a female. The girls we had li ing with us prefer me in their lives than their biological dad. Kids yearn for love and stability, an ability to pro-create is not a guarantee of a safe loving enviornment to nurture future citizens.

  4. Mark

    I have a biological son I rasied alone since he was 3 and I came out when he was 11(I was 31 when I came out). I also have a son I adopted when I was 37 and have raised since he was 2. They are both beautiful, kind and fantastic. loving a child is what’s right, not how you got them.I now ha ve 4 grandsons from my oldest son and they are so loving it’s unbelieveable. They all know exactly who I am and have no problems with it. They love me and respect me mpore than I could have ever drempt of

  5. Peter195

    I might consider adoption someday and support people who do adopt, but I have a strong feeling that gay people play a large part in nature’s way of population control and those who choose to create children are missing the bigger picture.

    • Mal

      I (and an astoundingly massive anount of people) grew up with a single mother and ended up fine. Your logic is not there.

      • Mikey pop

        Right. Straight people grow up with single parents all the time. What’s the difference in having a single gay Dad raise a child?

    • dale smith

      Biologically a child could never be deprived of a mother and father…it takes the two genders to produce a child. By choice or default a child could be raised by only one parent. The family unit of mother, father, and 2.5 children in the suburbs has long been obsolete and impractical. Yet when same sex parents become a topic one wants to revert to an outmoded paradigm

  6. Reality

    I’m a single gay man and to say that some aspects of the gay scene never thrilled me. Even though I enjoy the art, club, music and other aspects sometimes the indulgent life style of I feel was often brought about by lack of equality. I choose to be a foster parent and I love it! The kids I took into my home came from a straight household that did not provide them the nut urging, time, love and day to day security. Their parents as still arrive and supposedly “love” them. Now they have lived with me though they have some emotional issues between therapists and social workers all agree that they are in a stable place. Being a parent is never easy. They had learned such bad havita early on in life. They tell me the truth before they even tell their parents. Often they don’t want to visit their own parents even the state and I feel they need to know who their parents are. I’m blessed and am so glad as a single gay foster parent the three boys reside with me. Being a foster parent I know they may be back with their parents. The state already tried that once with no success. Home is something I am always happy to come to because they are there. I don’t think it’s for everyone and half my gay friends who see them for 10minites have no concept or have some idealized accpectation of what being a parent and how children should act. It’s not going to happen! It takes a lot behind the scenes!!!!!

  7. DBeezie

    I have two son’s biologically mine. Their 5 & 8 and I have since split from their mother. I am openly gay but I put my kids first. I don’t believe sexual orientation does not determine the kind of parent you will be. Straight parents are some times the worst. I believe it is determined by the individual. I love & live to be a dad. Best feeling in the world. I strive to be the best because that’s what my boys deserve. And truthfully you can’t judge a book by the cover. You have to read each chapter. So cliques but true.

  8. Dennis

    Why the push to have kids? It’s an honest question. Me, I don’t have kids and I don’t want them. I don’t have the temperament to be a parent. I’m honest about that. I do however have three nephews who I’m very proud of. Who I help out with a lot of things and who are just as good as if I had kids of my own.

    *ANY* person can provide the egg or sperm to produce a child. Sadly, far too many heterosexuals are just that ‘egg’ or ‘sperm’ donors or providers. Being a parent requires a commitment, regardless of what the couple is. Het, Gay, Lesbian, etc.

    As for those who say but they’re mine biologically. One can easily go with a surrogate parent, invitro fertilization, etc. Whatever.

  9. Mal

    Seing as I’m too young to think about children being 22, I’ll have to say no. Maybe, in the future with a committed husband and a stable career we will think about it.

  10. SayWhut?

    I’ve been a social worker and raised other families delinquents in a group home. I’ve got lots of friends and coworkers who have kids and I’ve been an “uncle” to them. As a single gay man I’ve been able to substitute for coworkers who needed an afternoon off to go to a Little League game or a parent/teacher conference. And sometimes as “uncle” I get to load the kids up on sugar and caffeine and send them home! “Hey, remember when you were a dick to me the other day? Here’s your kids back, if you can pry them off the ceiling!”

    But kids of my own? Naw. I’m too old for that shit and most of my child rearing experiences have been with challenged/challenging kids. I’ve got more tough love experience than conventional parenting and I don’t think that would be appropriate.

    I will say this, though. If you choose to have children your family must be the most important thing in your life. Period. No exceptions. And if you’re employed with or by me, I’ll see to it you get time off for those special moments when you really need to be there.

  11. JaysSN

    While I’m endlessly supportive of the rights of others to marry and have kids, and helped fight for the former here in New York State, I would never consider doing either myself.

  12. Johnny BL

    I like kids, I’m gay, I’m absolutely fine without kids but if I want kids, I’ll adopt or foster kids. For now, No children.

  13. JoeyGuyNextDoor

    I am part of a gay relationship that has now become one with a possible child in 6 months. Slight change in the floor plan, but we are still under construction. We discussed kids in the future, kids come when they come. Im happy for everyone involved.

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