Speak Out : Why Does Skin Color Means So Much?
(Below is a reaction to a post about racism online. If you too would like to write on this blog about something you want to share or an opinion, feel free to send us your text at blog @ adam4adam.com with your username)
I am a young mixed male living in Colorado Springs, Colorado and I cannot tell you how many times I have been turned down by men online simply because of my skin color. I try my best to make connections and to reach out to guys, I mean you can’t win a game if you don’t play right? So as hard as I try to play the game I always come up short for some reason. One day I sent a HELLO to a very cute guy that I thought would be cool to get to know but he replied to me saying, “omg please kill yourself you ugly monkey”. I was very confused because I have never heard someone call me a ugly monkey before and was wondering what I did to offend him. So I asked him, “what did I do to offend you?” I didn’t think saying hello was such a bad thing, but he replied one last time saying, “you are too dark and I do not like dark men only Whites and Latinos get to touch this”. When I went to “explain myself” he had blocked me. I was still very confused as to why my skin color meant so much to him. You would think he would want to at least be friends or at least associates, but he wouldn’t open his mind to that. That then makes me wonder how many more men are like him.
It is very sad that you can’t even make a good connection with someone without thinking if they will reply negatively because of your race. I understand preference, but come on why deprive yourself from a great human experience based on if you want to fuck them or not? Why make someone feel bad about their heritage and themselves because you have issues seeing past the outer exterior? I do get that everyone has customer service needs and requirements, but I hate to inform you, this is not Wal-Mart or Sears this is a dating site. A dating site is like a fantastic buffet you have all type from all countries just pick what you want. So again why does skin color mean so much to gay men? Can anyone answer this question logically?
Dom2014
There are many immature and ignorant people out there. The guy you were attempting to chat with online has some serious problems that he needs to work out. Be responding to you with the attitude that he did he proved that you are too good for him. Be glad that you did not invest the time in meeting that loser.
There is no Remedy for the problem of people not being attracted to darker skinned people, this is mainly black people that are on the darker side in America that have this pproblem. There can be a dark toned Latino or darker skinned Asian but they’re not of the black culture so their dark skin is not offensive to individuals. You just have to accept the fact that some people (mainly whites, speaking generally) do not date darker skinned individuals. I am a darker skin black male and I have to ask if a non-black guy I’m attracted to dates black guys and if they do are they color Struck. color struck means having a Definite fondness for lighter skinned to white-skinned individuals only. its sad that skin tone is a big issue but its here and its not going away. Just keep it moving when you’re rejected by a color struck person and ask if that person dates darker skinned individuals, if they don’t move no. There are plenty of others that have no hung ups on skin tone from dark to light they will date and marry. We’ve all seen the profiles that read “sorry whites only”, “white Latinos only”, “whites, Arabs, Latinos only”, or “no blacks no asians”. Like I said, its sad but just move on and let them be them. There are plenty of guys that can care less about skin color.
Now, I have been told you can’t fix stupid! I am rejected because of age, and weight. I like younger guys, I feel I have something to give of myself. I’ve made it to this age, will they?
I cant suck a real black man, but if he is very light colored, I will take the chance. Its not racist, I have black friends, but just cant suck them, be light colored, and get with me and we can have lots of fun.
That’s still racist
Unfortunately this is just part of the world we live in. You would think that our community would expect everyone as who we are. I know how you feel, my husband and I are an interracial couple and we get comments for this from both straight and gay people alike. Some just call me bad things because of such, I just go on about my business because those assholes are not worth my time. This is what you need to do as well. Remember that the special someone is out there for you. You will find rude people no matter where you go just take the high road and move on. Plus you they are the one missing out on the GREAT SEX!!!
Welcome to the real world my friend.
The gay community is no different than the straight community.
in my own personal option the gay community is worse when it comes to dealing with people of color specially black gay males. It’s as if we back in the Jim crow era.
You know what, I laugh everytime I read such posts because I have the exact opposite problem! People are always saying to me, ‘I love your complexion, may I touch you?’ or ‘May I touch your hair?’
Get in line!
No you may not!
I get so sick and tired of guys thinking that I am some type magical person or some type of trophy just because I am black!
‘You are so beautiful, I want to introduce you to my friends.’
What????
I don’t know what you are doing wrong but I have not ever had a negative reaction from guys due to the color of my skin. And I did I completely forgot because so many guys love me the way that I am.
People tell me that I have a great personality and one reason for it is because I don’t take things personally. So, if a guy does not like you because of the color of your skin, he’s probably not in to guys like you. If you have a good and loving personality, consider it his loss and move on. There are many white guys who love black guys and many black guys who love white guys. Concentrate on the guys who like guys like you and the other ones, let them like the guys who they like.
Don’t take it personally.
And by the way, black guys can be as worse as white guys when it comes to being rude to gay guys of other races and you know that!
I’ve even had black guys tell me that thy don’t date white guys because when they get wet they smell like dogs!
People….
we gays have a race problem, and by making people feel uncomfortable in our “community” by blatantly ostracizing them, it contributes to driving closeted gays toward more internalized homophobia.
the orlando shooter was unhinged for sure, but the reports that he had felt rejected due to race just drives home the point of how unwelcoming the gays are to people not of their own racial group.
if we show hatred toward each other, we cannot be surprised when we receive hatred back.
Your first mistake was writing back to someone who told you and showed you he was a racist. I only want to be with someone who want to be with me. I too have issues and mine is I only like to date transgenders and fems, but life goes on.
hey sexy hooook me up asap.. i am fem men and love to dress up on my sexy girls wear. 😛
Works both ways. More profiles than not seek big BLACK cock. Pick your prejudice, racists
Color to me does not tell me anything about a man. It’s his heart and soul that matters.
Absolutely!
When we were children we learned to trust people that looked like members of our family/tribe. We also learned to distrust people that we did not know. This is just a matter of self protection. When we grow older and have exposures to people that look different, we learn more about the real world. We are all racist but then we learn how to control our thoughts and reactions. The most beautiful parts of humans is actually what lies beneath the skin.
Excellent response
Everyone isn’t racist you only speak for yourself and stop making excuses for this type of behavior.
I do not care what color your skin is. If we have similar interests and I like your body shape etc I am all in and the color of your skin is not an issue.
Wow Jim! You clearly didn’t read the posting that Dom2014 wrote or understand the reason why he wanted to bring awareness to the issue. What an ingorant, insensitive, and self-absorbed comment. Seeing that we’re all part of a minority population within the United States, it’s still amazing and downright scary to see how segregated some of us want to be while others are fighting battles daily due to our common difference. I’ll enjoy dark, light, or white skin with a pure personal spirit anyday over the alternative!
I am a black male myself and I have had this happen to me many times. It is sad the the gay population wants equal rights but we still treat each other the way we do about race. How can we as gays demand equal rights when we treat each other with such disrespect and inequality?
How about a poll?
Is skin color a factor for you?
Me … no.
Some people are ignorant and this guy is probably lonely. Someday soon, hopefully people can look beyond a person’s skin color. I love men of all colors and chocolate men are sexy too me…
Luckily not all people are like that. I am an older white male and enjoy men. Yes, I have some preferences, but skin color is not one. I have been dismissed by black men, for being white. I would personally prefer a versatile, muscular, hairy, hung, man. I never run into men that meet all my preferences, but I have learned to enjoy the men I do encounter. Some of my favorite fuck buds are dark, black men. If guys are to stupid to see through skin color, they just don’t realize what they are missing.
Just get even with assholes like that… spread some rumors & lies.. get creative.. that’s what I do when. It happens V to m. I’ve had dudes jjumped at the bar!while I sneer in the background.. I live in CO also. Denver to be exact.
I am white and I prefer black men because they are nicer and treat you better then white dudes that act like they are a prize you can never win. Just means more black guys for the people that know quality.
1. If ANY guy doesn’t like me or want me for ANY reason, that’s cool. It’s his prerogative. I’m not going to get bent out of shape or develop some kind of “complex” behind it. I move on.
2. What would the original responder/poster NEED an explanation for being rejected; as if there is a valid reason that would make him feel better about it. For each of us, there is always going to be something about us that turns someone else, off.
3. Regarding the various “hues” of Black men and other men of color, anyone who can make a difference is in that is really dumb. It’s also racist. Racist people have Black friends
4. I give attention to guys that give me attention. I’m Black and I don’t chase people who don’t want to be caught by someone who looks like me. So if they don’t want me, “fuck’em” there are millions of men out there that would love to spend time with me. I focus on THOSE guys, but the ignorant fucks who lack the wisdom and maturity to appreciate me.
MIC DROP
You will never understand this behavior because it’s NOT who you are. Enjoying sexually pleasure with another human being is what’s important for most. But When the focus is skin color it might contribute to experiences or teachings. This type of cancer was created since the beginning of time and will always exist. We continue to learn having love and respect for another human is priceless. Additionally, their race is a bonus and the entire person is the greatest gift.
I think this is just a preference. For me, like Chicken, I only like white meat. To each his own. Not attracted to it so I can’t fuck it.
Still racist
I am a white male who is very attracted to dark skinned men. I can’t explain why but their dark skin excites me so much. There are some white men like me who also would love the opportunity to be with a dark skinned male. Cheer up! You just have not come across a white male who has that attraction. Believe me you will soon be flooded with emails from white men who would appreciate the chance to be with you. It will happen.
I don’t know but the guy u encountered was rude abd disrespectful. I to am not attracted to dark skinned individuals no matter there race. I also don’t like the color orange and prefer to watch a good coming instead of a horror flick. We all have things we are attracted to and things that we find less attractive. Individual tastes.u have them and I have them. He’ll I prefer the company of men in bed over weman. There is no differant here. The only thing that makes it worse is the disrespectful way people convey these like or dislikes and the way we receive that message. If we are insecure then we tend to need to label it as personal rejecton and call it rasium. It’s preferable and nothing more. Do t turn it into what it’s not. And don’t be confused by the disrespectful behavior of someone. Those people have much bigger issue a you do if u allow this behavior to throw u off balance so much. I have a small cock now let me tell u that’s a hard thing to over come in the gay community but I have learned to use things to my advantage and iam here to say I have no shot age of sex and with very hot guys. So don’t let others dictate who you are and become the person you are. Life is much to short to let others be your happiness. Good luck
There’s a difference between racism and preference remember that
Ignorance truly is bliss. UNFORTUNATELY it is mainly white men who are afforded this luxury.
As long as the white man BELIEVES he is the ultimate catch he will continue to hide behind computers and spew hate speech…..TRUE COWARDS are constantly trying to degrade others to make themselves feel better.
What strikes me as odd is the fact that a racist statement by a white COCKSUCKER you don’t even know has offended you.
Honestly, get some SELF RESPECT and leave “men” to their own devices…their racist statements can only bother you if you truly give a fuck….but why would you?
It’s a sad sad world when someone has so much hate in their heart. I don’t understand how the gay community can be so short sided yet we scream about us being treated equal and except us for who we are, yet somehow we don’t always do what we want others to do and that’s treat each other with respect.
I totally agree with Matthew Russo! “Jim” posted a comment on here that proves that point! In the dark,
everyone is “black”. Dick is dick, lips are lips and ass is aassociated. People don’t realize that the make up the reasons why they don’t want someone. Very few people are aware of that FACT!
Different cultures practice differently. However, people connect culture to skin color and its because of the stereotypes imposed by the media. However, we live in a world where not everyone is going to like you, yet you have the option to surround yourself by those whodo. Even though a person may have a preference it doesnt always consistute racism. Someonr dont like you move on. Too many people are sensitive. . .
Different cultures practice differently. However, people connect culture to skin color and its because of the stereotypes imposed by the media. However, we live in a world where not everyone is going to like you, yet you have the option to surround yourself by those whodo. Even though a person may have a preference it doesnt always consistute racism. Someonr dont like you move on. Too many people are sensitive. . .
I’m a white guy… Blond blue…. I only am attracted to darker men,,,usually black Latin Indian. ,,, I don’t know why,,, but I love the contrast of skin tones and difference in cultures …
That works both ways.There are enough profiles on A4a from black guys who want nothing to do with whites.
It’s closed mindedness. that’s all it is, so it’s not on you… it’s on them because their brains never fully developed to understand the beauty in different races.
I say who cares… everything is not for everyone….. I’ve heard plenty of white guys. Say no black guys and I’ve seen plenty of black guys that wouldn’t dare touch a white guy…. goes both ways. Ppl have preferences. That’s all.. and from what I’ve noticed being a black man myself is most white guys only want to talk to you to fulfill some weird mandingo fantasy or to suck your “big black cock”
Look, as gay and bi men we should all understand that we can’t choose who we’re attracted to. It’s okay to have preferences. It’s okay to not be attracted to tall guys or skinny guys or redheads or whatever.
It’s not okay to respond to people with hate or bigotry.
Does your profile say ‘open to all races ?’ I think that might help things a small bit more even if you are the one reaching out to others not in your racial group .
But is it racism or preference ? Well , there’s certainly no need whatsoever to call someone unpleasant names instead of just saying ‘thanks , but not interested’ so you do have to wonder .
Interestingly , where I am ( outside of the continental US ) blacks outnumber whites 4 to 1 and I’d love to have a friend outside of my race but here on a4a it just is not happening .
And they’re the ones who pull the racial insulting , not the white guys .
It’s annoying because there are plenty who will . Sometimes I think it’s because they’re afraid to be identified as liking to date outside their race.
Best of luck to you at any rate .
I’m the other way around !!!
I love dark skin men and wouldn’t be interested in someone white lol.
However, you can turn someone down without being disrespectful.
I get that all the time, if it’s not my skin color, it’s my status and vice versa. I’m surprised he even replied. I usually get ignored. I don’t know how to explain it. I grew up in a multicultural home because I was adopted. I try to be nice to everyone. So I’m no help. I can’t get a response unless they are thousands of miles away lol.
hmm… mostly because we’re all looking for a man just like ourselves to fuck. a mirror image. second cause we’re racist in whatever degree.
I too, do not understand why someone’s skin color is such a problem for people. Humans, like a lot of other species, come in a variety of beautiful colors, from the palest creamy white to the darkest rich ebony! Soft pink flesh to ruddy red flush and a hint of sallow! Why limit yourself and why put limits on others? We all deserve to be treated with respect! No matter what color your skin!
It is a sad reality that there is still racism in our society and especially in the gay community! I have learned over the years to look at what I have to offer and to be okay if someone isn’t interested. It’s their loss!!
Not everything is about racism, I only like to hookup with black men but constantly keep getting hit on by other races. Its a matter of choice, my choice not what they want. I keep getting called a rasist, a bigot and a bunch of other names. Funny thing is i get so much awesome sex I think it’s a waste of time for people to get stuck in racism. If they tell you no you’re just not their type, don’t waist your time figuring it out, move on you’ve got to be someones type. A different example is guys who only date guys with big dicks, are they discriminating against guys with little ones? No… it’s what they like, what they want. Why cant people understand it’s not all about racism, its about sex. It’s about what turns us on for me when it comes to sex I think with my dick…
Sadly been born a black person that just comes with the territory my advice is to if the person is that bold to say something that crazy to you right off the bat take it as what it is and leave them alone don’t try to understand it don’t try to comprehend it don’t even bother to even send another reply leave them alone and let them stay in that world if by chance, (because I’ve had this happen to me as well) they do want to talk to you later on down the line steel leave them alone that is something suspicious on a whole Nother level.
That is just fucked up. Who cares the colour of anyone’s skin? What counts is what’s underneath; a decent, caring, kind, thoughtful man. We are some of the most shallow, narcissists,I know. Let’s get real, it’s not colour or cock size that matters.
Some people are just racist. For others, it may not be a race issue, but more of a preference. For some reason or another, we are all attracted to different types. I for one could not date someone with a big nose. I don’t hate people with big noses, but they just don’t turn me on. I would never treat someone like you were treated just because I wasn’t attracted to them. Don’t keep pursuing people who do treat you like that. You don’t have to defend yourself, and it isn’t a requirement in life for everyone to like you. Move along and don’t give those kinds of people a second thought. Do you think someone like that would make a good friend? He obviously only cares about himself.
Bottom line – skin color DOESN’T make a difference and anyone who won’t even talk based on that is an asshole. Consider their honesty the only redeeming quality about them. Preferences – sure; my dick responds to some degree based on skin color and I’m a white man who has been attracted to blacks since before it became fashionable. I still talk to lots of white folks and even have some fun with them.. I mean really?
An observation from browsing profiles – ‘No whites’ is about 10 times as prevalent as ‘No blacks’ so there is room for tolerance all around in our community.
It works both ways , I’m very attracted to
Darker skinned men , I message mostly black men , only to get , not into white guys , It gets very discouraging .. But thankfully not all are rude , maybe one day we will all look past ones skin color ..
I appreciate that this issue is being raised on a site like this. I have had more than my fair share of ignored messages or hateful racist comments plummeted at me for simply letting someone know that I found them attractive. Skin color is a major issue in America and it is particularly prevalent in the homosexual community. As an African American gay male I don’t believe that this stigma will ever go away. Every time I am met with this form of negativity, then I realize that I wouldn’t enjoy the company of that person anyways. The adverse of this discussion is being fetishized for being black and men who only seek out black men. This is just as awful.. We should be able to see someone, find them physically attractive and take it from there.
You are so right, Joe. I am a white gay older man now, be even today with gay people supposedly being so welcomed in society, I still today can be out shopping, not paying attention to people around me, and from a few feet away, I hear a Hispanic mother (I assume) telling her toddler, “lets move, he is a fag, in her language. I wonder if such people could tolerate labeling them for whom they have no clue who they are. So Joe you are so correct, stupidity and ignorance is all around us 24/7, if you like confrontation, go for it and give them a piece of your mind. I myself never liked confrontations or making a scene, so I turn the other cheek best I can and move on.
As Jim said “Its part of the world we live in” I live in the South and It has always been that way forever. Now that there is the internet they can spit their venom further & feel better about themselves I am now headed towards my 60’s and if there is any consolation–guys like that will die alone. I’ve watched men like this from 20 to 40 years ago wind up without anyone in their lives, because no one (even other racists like themselves) can settle down with someone that bitter
I might be strange, but I find dark skinned guys sexy. I’m pale white, and it turns me on seeing my skin next to theirs.
Hmmm. I like men in most colors & hues but I draw the line at polka-dots. Iridescent black? Neon white? In between? Native American? Shades of brown? If there’s some chemistry between us, colors don’t matter. If there’s no chemistry between us, colors don’t matter, either.
There’s enough shit in our worlds. Make an impact by trying to consciously overcome fears based on superficial differences.
Several of you who have commented today need to look up the definition of racism. “I can’t suck a real black man” is the exact definition of racism. Statements excluding any race or color is pure racism. Many guys are too embarrassed to be with an African American man because his cock may make your cock look small.
I’m white and I prefer black men-I have found they have bigger cocks and fuck better and longer and usually have a better orgasm!
That guy was just an idiot and rude. I’m a bi man married to female. I Love watching here have sex with black men, big turnturn on. When I’m with men I prefer white and mostly asain. Just my attraction preferance. But I’m never rude about it for some reason I’m not sexually attracted to blank men.
Color makes such a difference because of slavery. People see color first, and many are too ignorant to see past that. Also everyone is racist to a point, because of the history of the usa. Just because you suck a black dick on occasion, or have a friend of color does not mean you can still be racist. Hell there is even internalized racism within communities of color. The lighter the better is always the case.
Here is my opinion: It’s no one ELSE’S business what a guy is into – type of guy – age – race – skin color. We all know what we are attracted to- del with it. I frankly play with black guys more than white guys (I am white) but who is anyone to call someone a racist if they do not want to play with anyone for any reason.
What an odd and improper question posed. It is a matter of melanin versus not having melanin as part of your genetic attributes. In fact, Asian, Arabs and some latins have melanin and by default “skin colour”.
The real question is the psychosis on a global scale of envy that people lacking melanin place on themselves and then vilify those of us with genetic melanin as a consequence of their psychosis. A clear example of this is the sun tanning paralour. Africans, south and south east Asians, and Arabs of African heritage have no use for a sun tanning paralour. And yet they exist everywhere on the planet because some people of European, euro-latin and northern Asian descent have a psychosis about their skin’s “whiteness” and wish to darken themselves to look more “healthy”. But at the same time and breathe, their innate psychosis of their self-hate makes them dislike all Africans in general, dark Asians and dark latins due to melanin envy.
It’s the psychosis cancer of their melanin that is the problem and not we genetically melanin infused beings.
And to be clear the fallout of the psychosis has melanin folks developing their own psychosis problems from Africans using mercury based skin lighting creams to Koreans, thais and some vietnamese and Chinese women going to radical skin bleaching therapies to kill off the glow of their genetic melanin attributes due to societal pressures these folks place on themselves.
Some people are serios And Messer up! I line men of nearly all Kinda, but I can not get interested in overweight făt dudes. Black guys are not THE untouchsble List for me! In fact I Find fără skin black dudes who ATE in shape And great personaliza a real turn on. Am not White, but light Olive skin Roumânie dude who prefera Being top. Bit a Hot black dude whisky in shape And fin to be with And……. Well it necomestibile anything goes! Believe me, THE right black dude who I get chemistrie with And I turn into monster who turn YOU Any way but loose! And I do not care what other thinks! If I am not Glad to SEE YOU in public then I will not get sex with YOU in privat! One of best time I ever had eas with black dude who skin was So dark he is Almost blue! God what a Hot Weekend that was!!!! It was Years ago And I still get hard just thinking about it!!! That Weekend was awesome! If Any dudes line YOU Live in Phoenix Arizona, am interested! Dorin A
Sorry about spelling Not corect! English not My First language And computer as well as Smart telefon is Using Româna!
What an odd and improper question posed. It is a matter of melanin versus not having melanin as part of your genetic attributes. In fact, Asian, Arabs and some latins have melanin and by default “skin colour”.
The real question is the psychosis on a global scale of envy that people lacking melanin place on themselves and then vilify those of us with genetic melanin as a consequence of their psychosis. A clear example of this is the sun tanning paralour. Africans, south and south east Asians, and Arabs of African heritage have no use for a sun tanning paralour. And yet they exist everywhere on the planet because some people of European, euro-latin and northern Asian descent have a psychosis about their skin’s “whiteness” and wish to darken themselves to look more “healthy”. But at the same time and breathe, their innate psychosis of their self-hate makes them dislike all Africans in general, dark Asians and dark latins due to melanin envy.
It’s the psychosis cancer of their lack of melanin that is the problem and not we genetically melanin infused beings.
And to be clear the fallout of the psychosis has melanin folks developing their own psychosis problems from Africans using mercury based skin lighting creams to Koreans, thais and some vietnamese and Chinese women going to radical skin bleaching therapies to kill off the glow of their genetic melanin attributes due to societal pressures these folks place on themselves.
I guess it sucks to be a black man who loves white, cry me a river. Most of my black friends and others I know are not checking for white guys. Most of us prefer to be with our own with no problem. I prefer color and fuller features. Also, I’ve never had a problem with attracting white men. I just don’t prefer them. No hate, just preference.
This is not his issue. It is solely yours because this is about your own self-worth and how you feel about yourself. There are plenty of people who will criticize another person. You can’ allow there opinion of you to ever be more important than the opinion of yourself. If they don’t like you because of something that is a genetic disposition such as color, that is there loss. People may say it is a preference but I believe it is a conditioning that starts early in life. Many people believe that the lighter you are the closer to being “white” you are and therefore a little bit better than most. This is a racist struggle that has played out for decades. The reality is that no human being of a particular color is more superior than another. All races and colors are wonderful and really beautiful. I think you should embrace your particular hue and all the history it carries. Maybe you are very very dark which might carry the stories of Nubian leaders who built kingdoms. And yes there were many powerful peaceful kingdoms in Africa centuries ago which is part of your heritage and you wear that in your unique skin color. Or maybe you are more a mocha colored skin which could suggested an history of races mixing to bring forth your beautiful hue. The point is weather you are dark or light learn to embrace all of you and love it. So when a person wants to reject you with malice, they are only showing there own ignorance. Fortunately, they are doing you a favor cause no one needs to be around that kind of stupid. Ultimately, you need to know that you are wonderful even if they can’t see it. You will be just as foolish as they are to want to be “accepted” by any person that racist.
I am a white male and have no color preference, as long as you are good in bed haha.
It’s just a mess. People online will say what’s really on their mind because you are out in the yonder of cyberspace. They are small, insignificant, little pieces of garbage who will die alone from an overdose of their own evil sputum. Don’t try to change them they are not worth your time. Spend the time you have finding your own happiness. Relax in the knowledge he is gay and most likely won’t have offspring to teach his values to. Just use your block button!
I love black guys of every hue. I love white guys of every hue. This explains why you should never judge a book by it’s cover… sometimes whats inside is ugly, cruel & a waste of time.
I think in shape black guys are really Hot! I do not care if others line it or not! If YOU are with me And black And we have chemistrie, then I be seen with YOU anywhere in public And enjoy Being with YOU in And out of bedroom!
Racism and white supremacy are the reasons skin color matters. It’s not something you can control, nor should you want to. It’s unfortunate that the person you contacted was so insecure and rude, but cowardice craves anonymity. I regularly meet white, Latino, and whomever men. Only once was I subjected to crass, racist language, replete with timeworn epithets – and he is an NYPD diver….
i love it s guy hits me whos black i say no thnx
“i could have just deleted email”
he replied back because im black!!
no i dont find YOU sexually attractive
i love a red heads blonds ill pass
men from spain yes please
guys from latin america no thanks
guys either turn you on or they don’t
so because I won’t have sex with every dude that comes along that i must make me a racist sizest twinkst on n on lol
when did you guys become so overly sensitive that they can’t handle the thought of rejection and they turn it into something political or specifically about them man up pussies
look up the definition of sexual an physical attraction lol
they say love is blind but sexual attraction has 2020 vision
its 2016 let go the im black thing maybe
you overweight to thin to tall to short not blond n green eyes or asian lol some white guys only do asians they wont touch a white dude are they a racist or are the dude who knows what gets them rock hard lol
The guy that wrote the post isnt darkskinned guy if you read the post right he is mixed male and it was obviously a black guy that turned him down because the guy was only into whites and latinos. With that being said the guy that was turned down had to be light brown with brown curly hair if he is mixed. I know darkskinned black guys real well and the majority of them prefer pale white people. Theys say that they are already dark enough and they like white meat. People are always attracted to people that dont really want them. The city that I work in is infested with darkskinned black men with white women and mixed kids. I never see a real wealthy looking white woman like a Paris Hilton type of white woman with a black man unless his has the world going for him. The majority of darkskinned black guys that I have been with are nasty as far as personal hygiene. They are almost always on drugs or alcohol and dont want to work. All they have is a cock and it may be disease ridden because they dont practice safe sex and have numerous sex partners. Ugh! Is bbc really worth the hassel?
I love a big nigger cock inside my tight white ass. I love to make them worship me for the sexy white master that I am. I never clean up before I have sex with a black guy and they always eat my ass and tell me it tastes good! I use them for a good fucking and thats it. I would never be seen in public with a black guy they are way too illiterate.
I don’t think it is all about color we have our issue’s with age-weight and looks as well you would think in this day and age we wouldn’t judge people till we got to know them then say no thanks ass hole but no we go by what we are taught like when we were kids and our parents didn’t like mustard so we don’t try it and go thru life wondering why our hotdogs taste bad plain. Go out tomorrow and change the world hug someone you don’t know and say pass it on.
See I’m completely the opposite I love and look for a black man something about watching a black man put it inside me me grabbing it put it in my mouth and just did look and texture of the skin is very hot and exciting to me I get a black cock in my mouth and it’s all over I’m all yours you can do whatever you want to me
Don’t waste your time with rude haters. Just come to my place anytime. You won’t leave my bed with a full tank for sure. I have no preference in race. My b/f has very white skin with thick dark hair all over. I love the contrast. Nothing more sexier than a black man fucking a white man. Or vice versa. It’s the contrast thing I guess. As far as sucking cock? The darker the better. Just MY preference. Hope that doesn’t make be a racist.
Because RACISM is inherently biological. There I said the thing most people don’t wanna admit. Even the huge straight site match.com revealed that they’re data show that blacks (especially women) are the least viewed and replied to profiles.
http://www.theatlantic.com/video/index/380086/the-uncomfortable-data-behind-online-dating/
The desire for lighter skin runs across all cultures and geographical areas. I am Filipino and have lived on both sides of the world and so have observed this phenomenon first-hand in both multi-racial environments (the Philippines, like all former-Spanish colonies has a minority of Hispanic families as well as Chinese ones, and both kinds own and control the economy and are thought to be more beautiful due to their skin tones). Millions of dollars are spent on skin-whitening products from the Philippines to India to Africa to South America. And all of which have actors, models and beauty queens who don’t look like the majority of their countrymen (i.e. short, flat-noses and dark brown). Colorism within the African-American community is itself a huge issue in which lighter-skinned blacks like Beyonce are held in higher regard than the more African-looking Lupita Nyong’o (for which the white community’s praise has been criticized by some black people as “black fetishism.” — take note that they don’t say the same thing for the worship of Beyonce.)
Yes, some will cite the fact that white people also tan themselves to appear less white but this is a red herring because I view this as a privilege only white people have because they have the OPTION to do or not do it. And they can always go back to being lighter whenever they choose. The “tanning” is also far from the shade that starts to be seen as unattractive, aside from the fact that they don’t have other features (that usually come with dark skin) that are also considered undesirable like big, flat noses for which a lot of people who have the means tend to undergo procedures for to change.
There are a few theories on how evolutionary psychology “chose” dark skin as less beautiful but one of them is that just as we had developed to see pink cheeks and lips as indicative of good health (i.e. not being anemic), dark skin tends to make it harder to gauge this particular characteristic. That’s just one example. It will be hard to know for certain because scientific research on taboo topics like this tends to be limited for obvious reasons.
And as I had already implied, even the black people we (including African-Americans) put up on pedestals for their beauty tend to skew towards the white standard of beauty. Just look at Beyonce, Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell who all have Caucasian-like noses and long wavy/straight hair that are in no way close to how their natural ones look like. Hell, even Beyonce was criticized by black women for “not combing” her daughter’s hair when she decided to just let it grow into an afro. I doubt Obama would have even been close to get the nomination and presidency had he not been half-white. And so on….
We can deny this all we want but our desire for a more “just and color-blind” society, while well-meaning, cannot erase in just one instant millions of years of evolutionary processes that brought us to this point just because we decided it is the right thing to do.
This topic always gets to me. I get a big kick out the racist guys who try to intellectualize their rascim. It is not a preference. The preference is you prefer to be racist. There is no way you can completely dismiss a group of people simply because of their skin color and think that your body and sexual attraction is dictated by your dna and is naturally who you are. Skin color is not comparable to a big nose, being overweight, or having a small dick. Those are all physical traits that people have and can change without regard to their color. Those things are perfectly fine to state as a preference. The person still gets considered, but during that evaluation you determine there is not an attraction and if they change those traits they would get considered. It is completely wrong, to not even give someone that cursory consideration based solely on their skin. Let’s call it what it is and not sugar coat it. Yes, it works both ways from blacks or whites and no, that doesn’t make it right. It’s really sad that everyone is so supportive here, but we all let it happen and don’t confront the behavior and practice as unacceptable. Just my thoughts.
Skin color,body type or ages doesn’t matter to me. Attitude is the key.only issue I have with a lot of black guys on here is they tend to be into the thug mentally like they want to talk to you like they are some gangster or something. Just be yourself.
Very good question. I’m a bi white bottom who loves hooking up with black men.. I haven’t a clue why but I’m addicted to black guy, the darker the hotter for me.. I know lots of white bottoms who are.. My biggest problem is finding them in my small upstate NY town.. When I travel near the bigger city’s my sex life get good Peace
Nah, in my case most guys (white mostly) that take interezt in me are looking for BBC. Only to find out I’m only 8 inches and I’m a bottom. Lol!
I feel pretty sad about this post. You would think that in 2016 we would have been able to evolve into people who can open their minds, as well as their eyes. Race does play a role whether good or bad, what Dom2014 experienced was a closed minded guy who felt it easier to use Racism, to make himself appear better. We all know who the better Man is, and there is someone out there who would treat you, the way you should have been treated. I have had guys say stupid and mean things to me over the years, and I didn’t let it bother me to the point of doubting my character. We all have faced some kind or rejection, for various reasons. The best way to deal with it is to take a breath and remind yourself that he wasn’t the right guy, which frees you up for the one you deserve.
I’ m happy to say I’ve never turned a guy down because of his race.
Because they came off as total tools and smelled like they didn’t bathe? Sure. The fact they weren’t the same race as me had nothing to do with it. I just didn’t like them as people.
i’ve dated the rainbow…i’m an African American male and have experienced the ugly head of racism from white straight and gay men…it use to bother me that people could be so cruel and ignorant…i just try to be the best person i can be and treat people like i want to be treated. My main problem is with white females because they seem to feel entitled and think that they are every Black mans wish…that being said there is nothing like a BLACK man…the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice…I don’t let these racist people occupy space in my head…keep living, learning and loving…everyone has a preference…that’s life…
I have been with a couple of black guys and enjoyed it as much as I did with white guys. I prefer guys between 30-50. Nothing wrong with the younger guys by any means.
Look at it this way guys that act like that or have race issues arent worth getting with and dont know what they are missing out on i’m white and like all races if i were you i wouldn’t think anything of it cause ignorance is just that ignorance
The comment that guy made was cruel. The gay, bi community can be very cruel and sometimes very offensive to guys. In bi and actually not attracted to guys so I don’t kiss. Im single and just like mutual sex between guys…or girls. The color of a guys skin should not be an issue. I can understand preferences but outright crueality is uncalled for. I myself go for black or white and not about looks. I don’t need or want a boyfriend. Either your interested or not, and should have no bearing on race. Everyone should be considerate of other people’s feelings.
You know what I’ve learned. Many white/latino or Asian guys who will date anything but a black guy pretty much have a perceived notion that we want something from them. They have either picked up a big dick black guy who was either homeless, on drugs or a prostitute and had sex with him and the guy asked for money or tried to Rob him or was just smelly and dirty and now they think we’re all like that. Either that happened to them or someone they knew. Unfortunately there are a lot of black guys, like the ones I stated, who do use these sites to target guys who just looking for a big black dick. The problem with treating a person, who have these problems, like a piece of meat. Well you may have to deal with the problems that come with that! That’s no reason to put us all in the same box. Think about how that would make you feel if someone treated you that way! Ijs!
Many of us here on this blog got this all wrong. Calling a person an ugly monkey is not about personal preference. That statement epitomizes racism. I’m not sure why a black or mixed man anywhere in the US would be unable to recognize racism, call it for what it is, and then keep on moving. The original blogger must be a sucker for insults. Both parties were at fault. As we become more visible and more empowered in the LGBT community, we will be held to the same standards as our heterosexual counterparts: race, creed religion, color, medical diagnosis, handicap, obesity, preferences etc. should factor into creating a level playing field of mutual respect and harmony. (Wishful thinking rite?)
I am a older white man, and while I have never been sexually attracted to black men, I have many friends who are black. I think the guy that treated you that way was wrong, but in the past when I’ve told a black man on A4A I wasn’t into black men, the response I’ve gotten has been very rude and hateful! I still try and be as nice as I can without leading anyone on, but some times it’s hard to be nice.
That dude was a complete shithead. He should have handled that very differently, we all have our preferences but to be so hateful about it is uncalled for. A simple no thank you would have been much better. I am mostly into other white guys, that’s what I like. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, lol. I’m poz undetectable and I get stuff like that all the time. C’est la vie. Forget them and move forward.
We all have the right to pick our friends/lovers but the hatred implied in the response should be unacceptable in our society. If I did reach out (which I no longer do), I suspect I would receive negative/nasty responses like the poster because of my age.
While we can’t really change the things we are attracted to(and lets be honest here, as mostly gay men on this site, a vast majority have wished that we could and a slightly smaller segment of that population probably have tried, with no success)there’s also no reason to be a dickish-asshole about rejecting someone. I don’t understand why the guy he contacted couldn’t have simply ignored his email rather than going through the steps to respond just to let him know, without any shadow of a doubt, just how unattractive he finds him. Was that really necessary? I myself prefer lighter skin tones when it comes to my sexual partners, but rules are made to be broken. I can’t say I’m NEVER hook-up with or date a black guy, but I will honestly say that the odds aren’t in their favor when it comes to me romantically. I also probably wouldn’t hook-up with a woman either, does that make me sexist too? No, because I’d be friends with any woman or black person, so long as they were friendly to others and could hold a decent conversation. In a world where we’re already shamed for the attractions that we hold do we really need to explain to each other that attractions are something you don’t really have control over, we know that already, but theres also absolutely no call in being a dick to people youre not attracted to either.
Every week there is ano article about race on this blog, it’s like it’s the only problem in our community. I don’t date black men because after 2 dates they feel like they own me…I’m not property, fix that. Why aren’t there more articles about age or even size articles expressing how if I’m not a size 32 with a smooth toned body I don’t matter….I’m a 38 with a slight belly and hair and looked at like I’m a disgusting problem….talk about that, then get back to me about race. Our community could stop being hypocritical and learn a lesson about tolerance and acceptance.
what is the big deal about skin color. What is the big deal about a big cock. My thing is I like hairy men, Black, white, brown. I just hope they have a good sense of humor and have a kind heart.
I am a white guy who has come to enjoy all types of guys. We all have preferences, and not just about race. People on here make a big deal about race, age, body type, body hair, and lots of other attributes. You can’t single one of those out as being more important than the rest. They are all preferences relating to what turns you on. That being said, there is no.need to be so rude to another human being. I remember browsing one night and getting cussed out by a black guy for just looking at his profile. Never even attempted to contact him. I can respect that he wasn’t in to white guys, but not the way he handled it.
Interesting post. I have it the other way. I don’t care about the color of your skin as your are a gay man and I love men. We’ll actually I do care about the color of your skin. Black, Latino, and muscled blonds really get me going. But I get dissed by the black guys. Not sure why.
Okay okay ok I’m just goin to say it some would say, that as a lgbt person should get the same rights as everyone else. Between us african Americans, and native Americans we have the most horrible things done to our ancestors. And it’s 2016 and we still get disrespected to this very day. This community wants everyone to treat us as equal not as a third world American. Wake up people you don’t even treat each other with the same respect. Your title says serious looking for a relationship. But no blacks, not fats, no queens, no this no that. Think about it, hope all you exclusive seekers are happy sleeping in your bed wondering how come u can’t find someone for you. And on that note. Drop the mic
That mans first reply was straight up, racist. he was simply a mean , selfish individual who doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings. He did you a favor.
Now that being said, there is a fine line between racist, discriminatory behavior and sexual desire and attraction.
I too have certain types of people I will and will not meet. Nothing to do with them as a person, or no pre judgements made. If I’m looking for a platonic buddy then I am open to anyone or thing. If I’m looking for sex, there is only a certain type I will look for. I don’t feel this is racism. It simple physical attraction. I would never want to hurt anyone’s feelings or self esteem. We all grew up with enough of that already.
The guys being rejected need to man up a little and except that just because we are men, doesn’t mean we want to fuck each other. I have been rejected a lot of times but never had a guy make me feel shifty about it. I need to respect that.
The way that ass hole responded was cruel. I feel it was racist and I will never condone it.
It’s HOW you say things that is far more important than WHAT you are saying. We need to list on our profiles “what we look for and like in men , not what we hate and despise in men”
Truth be told: Most gay men are racists – regardless of ethnicity. It seems to be all about novelty or relatability – meaning; Most guys that prefer to connect only with guys of their ethnicity seem to just feel safer with those who look like them – which is stupid. And then there are those who refuse to connect with guys of their own ethnicity – and that’s just self-hatred. And then you have guys like me who will connect with guys of any ethnicity. I have tasted virtually every “color of the rainbow” and guess what, dick is dick – regardless of skin color. Trust me on that. I have had White, Latino, Black, Asian & Middle Eatern guys give me epic orgasms, make me precum a flood, shoot epic cumloads, be very passionate with kissing and body contact, etc. For me, a guy who is awesome to be around, loyal, considerate, trustworthy and funny, is all that matters. If your personality stinks, I don’t want to know you.
– and I could care less about skin color – or even dick size, for that matter.
And really, when the “lights are out,” skin color isn’t an issue – because you can’t see the person.
I just LOVE dark skinned guys. Cock size is irrelevant.
His loss. I love black men. So drop me a line 😉
That individual clearly doesn’t posses maturity or life skills. A simple “no thanks” or no reply would’ve been more tasteful.
In my opinion, that individual probably has frustrations with men and probably taking it out on others.
I always get that vibe from guys in the Phoenix area. They always say your cute but not my type. When I go to New Mexico or San Francisco it’s a complete different vibe. I know it’s because of my skin color. I’m mix part Native American and Latino. Wish guys were more open minded. More love less hate!
I am a white-ish gay man. Who knows what truly lurks in my background. What used to be shameful just a few generations ago is now “proud and loud.” I kinda like that.
My dating preference for men is brown hair, brown eyes and mostly white-ish skin tones. Blondes do nothing for me. They kinda smell like sour milk to my nose…does this make me white “racist”?? Contrary to the latest rhetoric, it just makes me human. I like what I like.
I have dated black men. I have dated Hispanic men. I have dated white men. The REASON I tend to favor white men is more than just physical attributes. Men of color typically act differently than the typical Euro-American male. That’s not a bad thing. Men are usually raised according to their specific families cultural background.
Fucking is different than dating. If I date someone then I am looking at them as a potential mate. Commonality is vital. Culture variances are often wide chasms that lead to heart ache and misunderstandings.
Machismo males drive me batty. La familia at all costs does not work for me. I like being a priority. Call me selfish but please don’t ever call me “racist” because I have preferences. Prove me wrong. Don’t immediately answer the phone next time mamisita calls. Invite me in to your inner “brother” circle. Get to know me for my background instead of spewing rhetoric because you don’t understand me. Ask and listen. I will try to do the same. I am white…get over it.
As for the black man I dated…my heart aches the most for him. Maybe one day he will stop the periodic phone calls and come find me again. I am waiting…
I’m black and I have my preferences; I’m not a racist. I’m attracted to men of all races and ethic backgrounds, especially if they are smart, a bit smug and adventurous. I have never tried to understand racists. The worst racism I have experienced has been within the “gay community.” All equal “under the rainbow?” Nah. I’m not feeling it.
[email protected]
I don’t care about the color of your skin it’s your cock I am wanting to suck…
Well, my question to you is, why did you further communicate with him after he said no? I would have ended it there. Its clear he’s a racist fool, why are you pushing ut?
Personally, I prefer other men of color (and possibly Italians too) these days. Tried to include white males in my dating pool seeing as they make up the majority of the ” out of the closet” population but every day that goes by I lose interest after being fetishized as, “BBC” sex meat. Much to their chagrin, I’m a bottom with only a bit over 8 inches.
I would advise you to do the same.
I myself prefer darker men. They just turn me on. Most have the best lips to kiss. I have swollowed my share of chocolate cream. Their loads are big and sweet. Best of all if they are uncut they make me melt. I am glad that there are men that don’t like darker guys, leaves more for me. I like white,Latino, black, and American Indians guys. So anyways don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it.
I thinkbit is painfully funny how hypocritical the gay “community” is. The scream the loudest about tolerance they demand from everyone else solely on the basis of sexual practice, but demonstrate and actively participate in the most highly discriminatory manner in the most spiteful and hateful ways even and especially amongst themselves, and god forbid someone points out that hypocrisy to them while they whine. You know what i discriminate against, piss poor attitudes that ignore subjects like the plague because they cant stand to take an hoest look in the mirror at how people conduct themselves and are pathologically allergic to ANY critcism that suggest honest self study. I disriminate againt holier than thou attitudes, bad attitudes, allegry to truth and narcissim and i do discriminate on age if a person conduct reflects immaturity and lack of common ground interest wise in general. Ive met and work lived and played closely with memebers of most ethnicities, but militant political activism attitude, laziness, lack of fitness and narcissim with arbitrary rudeness are the only things that are barriers for me. All “colors” are appealing to me. My comment is supported by the myriad examples of that active racism and blatant discrimination reflected in comments above, many of whom are unwilling to see themselves do it while simultaneously decry it.
Dom2014, you are not a victim of anything but the deliberate infliction of the users bad attitude. Be strong, confident in yourself and know you are the better person in the matter. It is discrimination to ignore people with bad attitudes, butits a necessary discrimination that is based in conduct not unchangeable personal attributes. What really matters is your reflection in the mirror and your acceptance of that person you see. If something in that reflection you dont like, then change it for yourself. Thats what matters, everything else will follow that. You dont need validation and acceptance from all others not in that mirror if you can accomplish accepting yourself without condition.
If you cannot be honest with your own reflection, how can you dare to demand others to be honest with you? If you cannot accept the person you see in the mirror, you wont be able to accept anyone else you see either, so get over yourself. If you cannot comprehend either one of those two truths, there is no helping you at all.
I use to get upset when guys would reject me over race. But now I’ve accepted it. When i take a step back from all of the preferences, i realize that, the guys that don’t date black, or this or that, are also single! Not only are they also single, but they can’t find a date on Friday/Saturday night. So their “I don’t do black” or “No blacks allowed” or “Whites, Hispanics only” has gotten them nowhere when it comes to developing meaningful relationships.
It’s a shame that we as Americans are so stuck on race. All Americans need to learn out American history. This behavior is rooted in Slavery. This passed down from generation to generation. We don’t even realize it. We must educate our selves. There were things that happened in slavery. That I think that even a white person,or Black person who does not think of themselves as polarized by color would make reevaluate themselves. I have heard for years being a black man we need to get over it. We need to learn from it to move past it. White Americans you too.
If you don’t believe me. Research into why is Color an issue in other races as well. In our world Darker skin color is looked down upoun. Asian, Latin, ect.
Look at worldwide advertising the closer to a White European the more beautiful you are. It’s a message that no one really looked into.
My Brother that sparked this conversation. Reaserch. Into “how to break a Black Buck”. Everyone that is reading this should. That is how we will move past this.
Even religion…. Black people around the world have this passionate veiw against Homosexuality. They think it comes from the Bible. It Does not. It comes from years of Pain. That has psychologically destroyed people.
I see my last comment was mysteriously deleted. This is why I hardly ever participate in these blogs. All opinions should be shared….and because I was a black man who states he was not into the white guys like that, my comment was deleted. I guess they only want comments from black men who ARE into white men and crying about being rejected lol
It’s not that ppl are racist they just aren’t attracted to dark guys. I blame the media. If darker skinned ppl were put in mainstream media and it was made normal to see black or darker all the time like you normally see white or light skinned ppl it wouldn’t be such an issue. But for some reason ppl think we’re ugly or not as attractive and it makes me a little sad but makes me more angry.
I bet you’re beautiful. I sometimes find that men of color are less full of bs than many white guys but mostly like two types of me; naked and hard:-) Sounds like you ran into a mega racist–good riddance.
A lot if ignorant people. It is hard enough out there. If we do not treat each other with respect and consideration, what do we have left. There is no need to be hateful. We all have our own preferences. Manners are a thing of the past unfortunately.
Because so many gay men aren’t happy with themselves, they project their insecurities on others. They will use race, ethnicity, height, weight, etc. as an excuse when it’s really that they simply don’t like themselves.
The racism in this world is ridiculous. Saying you’re not attracted to this or that color and that it’s just a “preference” is the definition of racism. People say it’s just a preference to make themselves feel less racist but you still are. A normal human being could just judge each individual not condemn an entire race of people, most of whom they have never seen.
I see this all the time online and it makes me glad to be such a loner. I wouldn’t want to know or be friends with despicable people like this. Shame on everyone who has these racist preferences. What a much more beautiful place the world would be without people like you in it. You think people of another complexion are so different from you the same way slave owner’s thought in this country. If I had a friend with these preferences we would be friends no longer. It’s sickening.
OMG..okay, I normally don’t comment on these articles, but as a black man, I felt almost compelled to. First & foremost, I must say, my views are my views & opinions. I’ve been black my entire life, lol & so I’ve experienced a lot as a black man and share many common experiences that other black men go through regularly.
But to the author of the article, I don’t know you let alone know how old you are. However you need to or better know who you are as a black man! Not saying deny your mix heritage but if you were taken aback but someone having this view or opinion of you as a someone of mixed heritage it’s telling of not only their ignorance but also your ignorance.
Why are spending your care, energy & let alone time in some ignorant trash? Boy please. You acting & looking thirsty in thinking this the only dude on planet earth or in your town. Sounds like some high school junk of trying to be a part of a click…please. Move on! Let him be. If he’s that ignorant why would you want to associate or hangout with someone like that even as a friend? You sound desperate and oblivious…no offense
I say that bc you seem to have or think from a myopic viewpoint of the world accepting you.
Listen, they may be gay but that doesn’t mean even GAY white men don’t have or think from a white supremacist attitude of themselves & how they look at others! And you better figure that out quickly! Its sad, but despite the fact that gay men face issues, many gay white men still see themselves as white men first & have the attitude & mentality to go along with it.
Not saying literally all white gay men are like this or the same. But his skin & race don’t change the fact; he’s white even if gay, bi or straight you gonna run into that white first mindset!
I have no problem if someone prefers someone of their race and don’t date outside their race. To white men, please understand this. It’s not racist!…smh, I wish white men would learn the difference between racism & racial prejudice & just racial preference. Most of them don’t which is why they sound dumb and equate anytime they see, hear or read a reference to “color” it foolishly gets labeled “racists” when in fact it’s preference.
Racism is holding a belief, oftentimes negative, towards entire group based on a ignorant or made up belief. Which this guy exhibited to you. Prejudice is holding a dislike not towards everyone in a racial demographic group but a dislike or prejudice based on them being poor or class, etc.
I have a “no white men” note on my page. Not because I’m “racist” towards whites but bc I have no attraction for white men. That doesn’t make someone racist. Just like I wouldn’t view a Asian or Hispanic/Latino who prefers to culturally be around or connect with someone they share a common culture with as racist. There a sexy guys of every race on this site who are attractive but for some reason it’s usually white guys who can’t accept the fact or understand why “everyone” or especially someone of a different race, wouldn’t want them.
I can’t tell you the times, no offense, but fat, overweight, middle ages, old balding, lame, corny white men just assume muscular, younger, in-shape black men who clearly wouldn’t be seen with that type let alone get up with that type of white dude, automatically assume ALL black men want them. Ugggh. Seriously, I wish white men would look in the mirror and honestly ask themselves & be honest and get some reality in their life!
Its like white dudes get delusional! No offense, but I see & experienced this too often with white men. They seem to have this mindset which I don’t see with other races. I oftentimes get dumbfounded. I mean it’s nice to have confidence but goodness gracious, ignorace is another. This is what I mean by supremacist mindset. And when you deny them, you’re labeled a bigot or racist???…..like huh?
I think most black men get annoyed or just laugh it off. But it’s like if white attractive men in your own race wouldn’t give you the time & day why on earth do you think a black man wants your old or lame, corny ass?….lol…smh. Stop assuming black all want white a boy bc YOU find black men attractive or thirsty for a black man. Very annoying.
And it’s equally confusing & annoying to see black men who don’t date in their own race. To me you’re hating yourself and have some issues. It’s one thing to prefer maybe to date someone of the same or different race but to say you don’t date or prefer someone of you own race, speaks volume.
Good Day,
I am a black man in Los Angeles and find that exact same attitudes when trying to connect with white guys here. I am like the fly in the buttermilk. Unfortunately there is so much racism within the gay community unleashed among black men. We dont often exist unless it is for political and/or sexual reasons. Its sad that some white gays are racist to others that don’t look like them. No fats, no fems, no blacks are unfortunately true statement within our ranks. If more white men would openly accept and date black men this would help to heal the problem. Gays often talk about wanting to be accepted and loved but can not accept and love their own. Many straight people look at this phenomenon and treat us the same way that some gay white men treat other gay members with dislike and distain.
Depressing but its true, no idea why skin color matters so much. I was turned down for a scholarship just because I am a white guy. I’ve also been turned down for jobs due to my ethnicity. I don’t think that race should be a question on applications. I can’t help who I am…white and proud
One of the commenters said exactly my sentiments on this topic. Gays keep asking for equal rights, but don’t want to give them.
Unfortunately we all come from different background, not having had the opportunity to examine or live within different ethnic cultures, so THEY don’t know how to take advantage of the awesomeness of different races.
Preference is one thing, but closedmindedness is altogether another.
Skin color is irrelevant. All I care about is dick size: as long as it can go down into my throat, I’m good!! *smirk*. I dare Jim to think about why he cannot suck black dick and MAYBE very light colored skin dick and then to enlighten us…..!
I know the feeling. Only my experience is not race related, it is age. I am 61 and it seems no one wants to be with an old guy. I can be quite fun and have much to offer.
First of all, hon, I’m sorry you had to learn such a harsh and ugly lesson about this community, who believe that to say they have a preference, as if their preferences aren’t rooted and influenced by racism, or worse fetishism and/or stereotypes.
If the massacre in Orlando taught us anything, it is that we need each other more than ever, I fear a great blowback is coming against us all regardless of our individual skintones and we need to be ready to put asid these petty childish difference and be prepared to fight for equality of all of us, then I supposed we go back to apeing the straight community with skin based racism, income strata based prejudice, etc.
Yes, that guy who responded like that was mean and probably just immature. But we all have our preferences of what we like sexually. Just because we are not into a certain race – does not make us a racist! I am not into hairy guys – that’s not racial. Personally black guys do not appeal to me, but I love Asians with a smooth round tight ass! I have friends who are into blacks, but not Asians. I do not feel any of my friends are racists because of that! It’s just a preference.
Welcome to what this world has come to (meaning the LGBT world) we want to fight against equal rights but we can’t figure out how to treat everyone equally ourselves.
Personally I am the opposite of the immature ignorance that applies to this world, but don’t take it personally I’m trained in emergency medical treatment and also an instructor in the same fields, so maybe my beliefs are more out there then most people.
It completely saddens me to hear of stories as in this one but it happens everyday, to allot of people. Just remember one thing its not you, yes your skin color may be different, but what’s inside is most definatly not different, you have everything inside the same.
As for those reading this who think I am the same who is just trying to perk him up, in an essencents yes that is true in the world of ignorance, but sorry your wrong in my world I’m not mixed or black I’m a white person here who is just the same as any other ethnically inside.
This life needs to get a grip and buck up, there will never be equal rights fully, till we can provide equal right to our own.
There are attributes that are in all our minds as desirable or undesirable, not only with skin color, but body types, sizes, etc. but should not be an outlet to be cruel in answering a hello or any contact. It should just be stated kindly, that a person is not what you are looking for. No need to trash someone, it should be considered a compliment if anyone is interested enough to make contact.
Hello,
There is definitely a racism problem in this country and it spans across sexual orientation.
But, there is a scientific explanation for people who have preferences based on skin tone. It’s based on the Process of Natural Selection, which ensures diversity in a species. The more diverse a species is, the more likely it is to survive.
Now, someone might say, “Well, gays don’t reproduce what does that have to do with anything?” The answer to that is Natural Selection is programmed into all of us; it’s in an area of the brain that is common to all humans, no matter what your sexual orientation is.
Now, I’m bisexual. I’m fair skinned, red hair. I have a preference for guys with dark hair, dark skin, dark eyes. Latino, black, Asian, Middle Eastern men and women get my attention…..basically attracted to people opposite of my skin tones. White men and women with dark hair/eyes get my attention sexually as well.
Hopefully this cleared that up a little. But, on the flip side, if you are not into someone, there’s no need to be an @$$ about it, which does happen a lot on these apps.
It’s a shame there’s so much hate in the world. It really is.
I have been with whites, blacks, Hispanics and Asians. I have no racist bones in my body. For me it’s the person, not the color. I’m afraid you must have run into a guy whose racism has been awakened and brought out by a certain Presidential candidate.
Figures my comments the truth and nothing distasteful in it gets deleated why? Guess you can’t handle the truth… My comments were that of personal thought prefferencw s on sex is one thing but when your turned down for as a friend just for s tupid reason my comments that I posted rang true, that’s fine delete them but you and me both know your no better then they are if you can’t be open to leave a true comment up, and furthermore you know its the truth that there will not be equality till we can quit the unequal treatment ourselves.
Dom,
This isn’t the forum to discuss this thoroughly, but the short of it is that you had the misfortune to reach out to a narcissistic, self absorbed prick. There are kinder ways to express disinterest, with non responsiveness being the most common among them. Sexual preference is immensely complex, and while I try not to judge, neither will I take the ‘racism’ bait. Largely, I feel it’s almost out of our control. Your dick wants what it wants, to put it crassly. Again, i think it’s too complex to fully discuss here. Having said so, the way that one responds to a social or potentially sexual overture IS in one’s control, and the response that you experienced is representative of (imo) the kind of person that I personally wouldn’t want to associate with. In that respect, I agree with others on here that he almost did you a favor.
It takes all kinds, and the reality is that there’s no shortage of ignorant assholes in the world. Be it by choice, lack of education or who knows what, the end result should be the same.
Assess, ignore and move right along.
Wow funny it pops back up all the sudden…
I’m a dark skinned black guy, my ex is mixed and he loved my skin. I have since dated a Latin and white man who gets excited about just touching my skin and great lovers. I am from south where a lot of white guys don’t prefer black guys it’s just a preference and no one can knock that. The same can be said about black men who just prefer black guys. With that being said those individuals don’t know what they’re missing which can be true love. Don’t be so pressed to be accept by someone who see just skin color. Just be glad you dodge that mistake.
I am a black male in Tulsa Oklahoma and I have the same problem myself society still hasn’t let go of the ways of the past and opened their heart’s and their minds to other races and it’s really quite sad it got to a point for me where I didn’t want to be online or out in the bars or other places to meet men because everyone I approached have me the cold shoulder but I’ve learned that people are just idiots and I have alot of love to give to a man and someday I will get to do just that
Well color doesn’t mean much, except that if your looking for more of a larger size penis then you’ll look for something of a darker color. I would enjoy having a black man bed me down. it seems like its more enjoyable with a black man. maybe the size is what counts. not all black guys are well endowed but most are. around my way there isn’t that many of black guys that I can find to service. I have had and enjoy a black man more then a white guy most of the time. so with saying that if there’s any black guys around me lets talk and take it from there.
It is truly sad to think that the our community is just as bad (if not worst) that the straight world.
It is sad that with all the our community has gone thought that the same bigotry, narrow-mindedness, prejudice the outside world exhibits toward the LGBTQ community is alive and well within our own.
Dom2014 as much as we may try there is no real way to answer this question logically, the color of ones skin should not matter to any one gay, bi, Trans men. I can only speculate that the main cause for why does skin color mean so much to some men (and the rest of the world) is their upbringing.
As children we look up to our parents, family members and relatives, as child we are like little sponges taking in everything we hear. Those words spoken by our family at our young age may not have made sense to us then, but that seed of racism, prejudice and narrow-mindedness was planted. In some of us this seed never took hold, in others the awareness of this seed allowed us to overcome what was instilled by other in our youth and then there are those echo the closed mindedness they heard as a child.
to paraphrase Ando ..it’s on them (and not you) because their brains never fully developed to understand the true beauty in different colors which make up the rainbow of life.
When I was a child in the late 50s where there were still signs to tell you where to sit, where to drink, where to eat. Being Latin heritage those same rules applied to me as well and other people of “color”.
I have met number of men of different skin colors in my journey through life and it sad that with all the LGBTQ has gone thought that the same racism, bigotry, narrow-mindedness, prejudice our society exhibits towards our community, our community the exhibits itself. It is truly disheartening!
The color of one skin should not matter at all, I have learned over the years to look at what I have to offer and not to judge the book by its cover (as the old saying goes), but to enjoy the beauty which lays within and if they can only judge this book by its cover it’s their loss.
I hope, I may see the day when our community is truly color blind to the ones skin color.
It’s said that in the black community, more racism is experienced in the gay community than homophobia in the black community, and a majority of the time it’s true. Preference is a myth people use to police others on policing them preemptively. And if anything, people use that word erroneously. A preference is like saying you’d rather have vanilla, but chocolate is still okay even though it is vastly different. A restriction, as many people with “preferences” actually have, is saying that you’ll only have vanilla ice cream and that anyone who offers you chocolate is offensive to you. To close off races via done presumed preferential state of attraction is not only closed-minded, but completely ignorant and presumptuous, and completely racist. And to be honest, it’s idiotic to say, “I do not even want to interact with a race because their skin color doesn’t please me and I think they might have too big of a dick or behave like a hoodlum.” That’s just plain rude and racist.
Here’s the thing sexual attraction is not a choice, the same reason gay men are not attracted to women they didn’t choose to be gay they just are , it’s not discrimination it’s how you were born and what you are attracted to. I’m not attracted to every single white man just because they are white am I?
Wow, sorry to hear that, but is that the only time it happened? If so, can u really labelay men as having race problems, based on one experience?
Im half white n half asian, yet ppl usually see me as just white. N i def PREFER black men…idk, its like on a pheromone level…the chemistry is just there, n everything is just clicking…idk why…n its not a fetish or nething, its just the way it is…n i love hooking up w all races too, but when i get the right black man its better than ne others…
Here is the deal: I think its fine for people to have preferences, but I think it gets dangerous and quite offensive when those preferences borderline fetishes, and gay men are fucking famous for oversexualizing most everything. As a black male on a4a, I cant tell you how massively turned off I am by some white guys when they approach with their very ignorant, very objectifying messages about my skin color which seems to always be connected to my proposed dick size. Newsflash White Gay Men: The shit is offensive and ignorant and it is the fastest way to get ignored and/or blocked. How about chatting with people and finding some common interest or attraction? Gay men are always doing the most, which is why there are so many unhappy lonely ones. Stuck on stupid has never been attractive.
I think it’s funny when a white gay guy is a racist because the KKK and the skinheads will beat him just as fast as a black guy because they hate gays just as much no matter what color they are. And I read where more black guys who didn’t want whites then whites who didn’t want blacks but I only like whites but the darker ones I would like to sleep with a black guy but I haven’t found one I’m attracted to and I’m a black guy lol.
Many post here mention having or received experiences from men of all races including disrespect. Might be because OUR behavior is human behavior and truely race has nothing to do with it. For some it continues to allow an attack on a race and not the ‘ Individual’. This nonsense continues a vicious cycle our history has handed us. If we continue to hold an entire race responsible for some bad experiences we might found ourselves in a category labeled racist. Then we spend a lot of time using language trying to hide the root of our dislikes. Additionally, Preference has always been for me the way one carries them shelve and the respect the person have for others. Furthermore, well endowed men are everywhere. If lucky our experience will include a satisfying tool along with a good person. I enjoy sex like most people but it doesn’t control me, I control it. It not everything we have to offer.
While it is true that it’s pink on the inside, once the lights go out and you close your eyes, there is no color.
It’s quite unfortunate that this type of racism still exists this strongly. People lie to themselves and call this preference – but preference means you like both but you prefer one over the other. This is just prejudice…and it’s prejudice based on race – which is racism. The best thing for people to do is acknowledge that they are racist pieces of shite & either accept it or work on improving themselves. But yes…this is a BIG problem. Especially in Los Angeles.
why is it so bad to say you like being with a white guy
what is this world turning to when you are considered terrible racist cause you like being with white guys
I like being with pale skin {white} guys
don’t you thing some1 like me and others should be respected for that with no hatred toward another human being
get so mad even my friends say things that are not proper to me or true I like white guys please respect that please
WOW! This response is to your NEED for the acceptance or approval of an ethnic white Caucasian of Euro descent. After reading this, I called my parents, and thanked them for making me secure Afro man I am today. How dare you put your self worth in the hands of a person that we as a people have had countless quagmires with sine they set foot on the soils of Africa. Secondly, why have you not even considered befriending other ethnic men of color (i.e., South Asian, dark Latinos, etc…)? Do you have a self hate problem? Because, honestly, you should have blocked him when he call you a monkey. I get SO fucking tired of Afro men who run behind white men, and when they get hurt, you return to the Afros for condolence and renewal. STOP THE BULLSHIT… You need to be concerned about your well being and wondering what these white men trying to pass along. Example, they do not date black men when they negative. All of sudden black men become their first choice when they become positive. When they are you, fit, trim, and can pull that young twink, they do not give you snow queens the time of day. When they get older, unhealthy… Basically look like shit, they become attracted to black men. Give that bitch the middle finger and get your ass [in] formation.
With 134 comments so far …. Obviously a topic that warrants further discussion……
For me …. Men of color are attractive to me. Just wish I could make a good connection with someone period. No exclusions period!
Ok I need to educated some men on here real quick… First it is not a “preference” if you rejecting a guy cause of his skin color, that’s called being RACIST (point blank)..you can sit here and say no its not, but it is being racist, no matter how you try to sugar coat it. 2nd a “preference would be something like tall, muscular, nerdy, fat, twink, and so. see the difference? now with that being said, I will tell you this. I get hit on all the time by men who are darker than me, rather they are blk, white, latin, indian, or what now. the reason they tell me tha they like someone who is light skinned like myself, if the contrast of skin color just like the pic that the admin had posted. they like that and i have no problem with that, simply because my parents raised me that everyone is human and deserved the same amount of respect, no matter where they come from or race they are. the flip side of that is what the writer stated, they are men out there who will not date a person who is dark skinned and again that goes to my orginal point, THEY ARE RACIST!! now I asked this question to everyone, why would you want some person like that in you life,(rather has friends, associates, drinking buddies) knowing that that individual does not like someone who is dark/light skinned? people come in all shapes and sizes, and me being a gay male have lots of friends that are all different in every way. I love them dearly and we love each other like a family (always looking out for each other). stop with the racist BS and just grow the F*** up!
its sad that people have these color issues but what about dating another black person ,,,that way you will not be met with so much discrimination… I am a proud black man who strongly believes in black love and i exclusively date black men( not out of discrimination,im not attracted strongly to men of other races,ethnicities). i have nothing against interracial relationships,marriage ,or biracial people…dont get me wrong!!!! …but i like seeing two beautiful black people together… so if all of you guys are having such a problem dating white men …why not just date your own ethnicity… unless you dont date your own race…
I think he was Being an ass! YOU can have your preferences without Being rude jackass! I like all guys, but black guys in Good shape with dark skin are Especially Hot! I Want inteligent conversation, fun person to be with And self suficient! If he happen to be black, that is a Bonus to me! If Anyone in Phoenix area is black looking to make friends/ FWB And like Eastern Europe Roumânie Olive skin dude, hit me up in Adam 4 Adam! Dorin99
Get over it. I see you try to talk to a black man. Like I am so tired of black gay men want white men and cry that they don’t like them. And then go and try to talk to him some more after he called you a monkey.
Because Black men refuse basic hygiene, like taking regular showers or cover themselves with vast amounts of cologne to hide their foul odor. Latinos and Whites seem to know what or how to brush their teeth, take baths, ecc.
I hate this but its true. Why do we judge..Well I have found out that most drak skins guys love white guys. I am a light skin mixed male. I dont judge a person by skin color. I have met black guys only to find out they want a white guy. Now why?.Also the guys my age want a man 18-20.I want a man..Not a kid… So I lose everytime.
People have preferences. I see just as many ads that say “Black guys only”, or BBC only. It’s alright to have preferences. It’s just real shitty when someone get’s ugly or offensively racist about it. Same thing happens with guys with average to smaller cocks…..people can be very hurtful.
You know what is really interesting, I, too, experience the same issue as you do author. Funny thing, is we’re supposed to live in America, the great melting pot as we’re called. I’m a mixture 2 parts Puerto Rican (both grandfathers), Sicilian (Dad’s mom), and African American and American Indian (Mom’s mom). Considering the mixture, the way that I’ve been told in America’s eyes (unfortunately), if you’re 1% African American, you’re considered African American.
As I was scrolling through the other bloggers thoughts, one mentioned it not being about the people you’re attracted to that are turning you down, just put yourself in a different mindset. The guy who turned you down, as most have said, did you a favor. At least he spared you the expense of a broken heart, which takes much more time and energy to heal. His loss, he wasn’t mature and CULTURED enough to appreciate what you have to offer. Sadly, this is our world today. Are you going to be turned down by more like her, as my mom would say, yes. The real question is are YOU strong enough (character-wise)to press on, find someone who adores you as much as you will them? Good luck
Skin color often relates to Race and some races have hurt others in atrocious and vicious ways. Some races have often treated others with disdain and this becomes a rift in social economical and sexual connections. Sometimes the sexual prowess and endowment is one reason why certain groups seek the other instead of each person being known and met for who they are. Then you have some who hate who they are because they look around and see many who reflect their color and race and feel a need to separate from the familiar and loose themselves in the other. They may see the social economical differences and want to shun their own for not being more or having more without understanding social and economical restraints, arrested development, oppression, and depression from social and economical inequalities.
This extends even further when you add on be gay. Some feel among their own there is always some restraint some ideal they must sustain with others the need isn’t there. There is a freedom even if it’s an illusion or perception it makes them feel not so bound to the social constraints and ideals pressed on by another race and adopted by their own race as a form of survival and or false pride.
Someone wanting to touch you is the same as someone not wanting to touch because of your looks. Your looks are not who you are. They can affect how someone feels about your external appearance but that’s it. We are soul and mind and those are the key factors. As long as you are attracted to someone for their personality, interest passions and desires you are solid.
Don’t get me wrong sexy is sexy but like Tyson Beckford said(para phrasing) what you see that is momma and daddy not me. He was owning his body but telling the world this complexion these features are not me in my entirety they are facets nothing more nothing less.
If a Black man responds to you with ignorance and anything other than love, know that he’s got demons of his own to fight and his reaction isn’t about you it’s more about him and his issues to see his reflection.
If a Hispanic Asian or Caucasian replies to you with anything less than love it could their culture, bigotry or racism and brutha I can tell you neither one makes this world turn.
Your people have helped to shape this world and we didn’t do by war, near eradication of a race, enslavement for hundreds of yearsof people or the robbing plundering and stealing of other people from their homes and culture. We did it by perseverance, endurance and above all else power from the Most High.
Your beauty isn’t your flesh it’s your spirit. Your attraction aren’t your features they are the way you move and speak with grace honor and respect for others. Your ability to seduce, appease, love and heal aren’t in your touch it’s in how you offer yourself as a friend, listener and partner to whomever you decide is worthy of you.
Last, sometime we have to leave the place we are born to find the home that where we are meant to be.
I’m a black man (light skinned) and from my experiences White men either not attracted because I’m black or they want me because I’m black. That’s some crazy shit. Its racist either way.
This happens more then people realize. It’s like speaking to some and sending a pic and they see you’re dark and then they block you. Understand all this discrimination is another way to show that a lot are racist underneath. They can’t help there ignorance they holler they want equality and can’t even treat a fellow brother or sister with more respect then that. What you have to learn is to know what you’re worth is when a person can’t talk with me then there not worthy of my friendship kindness nor respect. If you can’t give it then neither can I. Is how I treat people these days it’s the only way to not let all this hatred get to me.
People, people, people, people, people and must say this again we gay people have a problem, now that this diamond is out in the it needs to be addressed time and time.
We are all attracted to a certain type of people who we enjoy their features, but when others belittle or make you feel worthless and sometimes you get a great amount rejecting you because you’re not “attractive” to them, then you really start questioning, am I not attractive? Will I be subjected to being alone most of my life because of how I look and the features I have? And when one gets hateful comments in a row, one’s self confidence can suffer from that. The outside world sees the gay community as a loving and accepting community, yet people in the community itself, know how dark and hateful it can get. There have been times that I’ve contemplated suicide and had self hatred towards myself because the gay community didn’t make me feel loved or welcomed but just like my skin colour, I cannot just choose not to be gay, I cannot choose to feel attracted to what I am attracted to, I’m attracted to you and you made me feel like a piece of shite that is not welcomed to gay society, so what am I supposed to do? I feel hopeless at times because it’s either get hateful responses back or ignored. I am half Egyptian and Filipino, and I grew up in Canada, I love skating, I love the Canada, and it’s culture, I have lost my accent and speak properly, yet people see me for my colour and judge me for it. I am a mixed Canadian, yet people want to label me as Indian or “paki,” and it’s insulting to me because they do not know who I am, but it is also insulting to people of that race because, now a person who knows nothing about their culture is being labeled as one of their own.
I started out high school, a very optimistic boy but when I went to college and came out and started living as an open gay man, I thought I would’ve reached happiness, being who I am and being able to love another man. Don’t get me wrong, I love myself, and I’m happy for who I am. But because I have corresponded with men who were nasty to me because of my skin tone, I have lost hope in finding my someone special, and that thought eats at me and I feel like I’m getting more bitter each day. I see heterosexual people showing affection towards each other in public and I get so annoyed because I cannot have that, because I’m not attractive enough, because I believed all the gay guys were attracted to a skin tone or features that are attractive that I do not possess.
How does one like myself with thoughts like that keep going on being happy? How does one love oneself when they feel like the community they belong in doesn’t love them back?
I will just leave this here, because these are my thoughts and had I known that this is where I would end up as a gay man, end up in a community of bitterness towards one another, end up bitter and jaded, I would have just ripped my heart out and chosen not to love.
Sad to hear but prejudice is real world today no matter where you go. The US has such a mix group of people but we still can’t all just have respect and just love each other. In the gay community not all are come with race issues and that asshole white guy of a different race you thought was attractive and you reached out too. Just “Block him” off your account he is just a rotten apple that looks good on the outside but rotten in the core with racism and prejudice in the middle. Keep searching someone’s out there for you…
Why does skin color means [sic] so much. It should read: “Why does skin color mean so much”. I like chocolate ice cream does that mean I like chocolate men?
I left out some things man,for me to really understand ur story.I am dark in color and loving it.
Pretty simple,you came across an asshole. Get used to it, the world is full of them and their bs is universally applied to discriminate or degrade…whether gay,straight, white, black, Christian, non-Christian, fat, old, ugly, young, beautiful, trans, etc. Dont think because youre mixed race or black that you have a monopoly on being on the short of an assholes bad attitude. We all are at one time or another.
OK…a few things here… First of Alli that guy who was rude to you is beyond an idiot. Even if he HATED you because of your skin color, there was no need to make it known online. A brief “sorry, we are not a match” would have been what a man properly raised and mentally competent man would have done, and solved his ignirant problem. You will never know where he coming from, so don’t let it get under your skin. His being okay with his behavior speaks VOLUMES for the gay community, at least in NYC. Before I came out, if I ever spoke to another man like that face to face, I would probably have had the shit kicked out of me. In the gay community, acting bitchy is accepted. Maybe an as kicking is what many of us need. Certainly the safety of the internet made him a lot bolder (and more cowardly in my eyes), but that is the situation that cyber society puts us in.
Here is where I will become unpopular… The black/ white thing is engraved in us… as a species. Western European influence has certainly augmented this, but our culture and our attitudes towards those who are different is not unique.. it has been going on since the dawn of time. When I walk past a stranger on the street, primitive survival tactics kick in.. make/female, young/old, fat/skinny, thug/ivy league educated. All this is necessary in case of an encounter. Stereotypes come from somewhere, but each individual should be accountable for themselves. We can’t always wear that on our sleeves for the world to see. I am an Italian American from NYC, and my name is Vinny. People assume that I’m a “Guido”, although I hold a PhD. It is offensive I guess, but it does not cause the grief that Black’s go through day in and day out because of assumptions. The question of racism should move forward from ” how do we stop it? to “why does it exist? Then try and get over this issue for good. How to solve the gay bitchiness problem, I have no clue
Racism and Prejudice is very alive in America! Age, weight, skin color, dick size! It goes on and on! Most people seem to make it known from behind the screen. F2F you would never know that they are thus way. Govt and church leaders segregate the Gay community so much, that even our “safe” places make us an easy target for harms way!
it goes both ways.
I’ve seen profiles of African Americans who say absolutely no whites.
It’s all about chemistry. You can’t force chemistry. Too young, old, fat, thin, short, tall….
If there is no chemistry why force it and why jump to label it as racism.
Of course the way the guy in article responded is bizarre and mean spirited and he most likely is a racist. Yuck
I’m glad you posted this article. Being a gay blackmail I have experienced racism within the gay culture than outside. Gay men are extremely narcissistic people they claim that their distaste for somebody else who is not of the race is a “personal preference “causes an easy way to excuse their ignorance. I personally have chosen never taken of all the gay politics or rights because gay people claim they are so impressed by the world outside and yet within our own culture there so much he’s treated bigotry racism sexism etc. It’s disgusting
Sadly yes there are ignorant and immature people like the person you sent that message to. When they say White and Latino only, read: White only. People like him don’t mean brown or black Latinos they just mean those who are as close to white as possible. As a young gay black man who mostly seeks non-black men, this type of rejection is common and doesn’t seem to get any easier. People are allowed to have preferences but need to at least be respectful. FYI (To whom it applies): glorifying black men for penis size (i.e. “I’m looking for my first piece of BBC”) is objectification. I AM NOT A WALKING PENIS, I’M HUMAN!
The issue of race and racism is a problem that has been molded by the American media since the beginning of media. They have fully honed the ‘us versus them’ concept, and fully ground it into the American psyche to the revolting point of it coming ‘second nature’ to the more ‘feeble minded’, and the media has also done a spectacular job of making the majority of US Citizens ‘feeble minded’.
If anyone is a fan of BBC television, I have noticed an astounding social phenomenon there. People with dark skin are…just folks. They are not presented as thugs, ghetto, uneducated, or gangsters. Even those representing the ‘poor’ are presented as just regular real people. In the UK, blacks of all backgrounds are…just ‘people’, like the rest of us.
From my own perspective, and with that same concept in mind, I have ZERO issue with the color of ANYONE’S skin. (well, I must admit that so-white-they’re-purple can be unappealing) I WILL freely admit though to being ‘classist’. ANYONE who presents themselves as an uneducated, vulgar, and classless being, be it white trash Trump voting trailer park types, thugged out Latinos or ghetto thug black, or even the Asians who step into ghetto thuggery trying to be ‘cool’. It’s not ‘cool’. And for me, no matter how stunning, built, or beautiful any of those beings may be, the classless attitude is a 250% turn-off.
There was a time when people strove to ‘step up’ in life, but again, the media has ended up making low-brow ‘cool’. But sadly, that includes embracing racist attitudes. When we ALL grow up, step up, educate ourselves, ingrain ourselves with manners and class, STOP swallowing the bullshit that the American divisive media feeds us, only then will we be able to others in an equal light.
The gay community has always been racist, anti-Semitic and shallow. Nothing new here.
While you don’t have to be rude(as the guy in the story clearly was), you do have the right to refuse someone based on whatever reason you see fit.
This trend of shaming guys for having less than a PC list of needs has to stop. There is no such thing as affirmative action for sex or friendship!!! A preference is a preference.
Ppl have preferences. I dont know maybe its racism, maybe not. But we have certain things we find attractive about another guy. Whether iys their skin color, hair, size of their dick… Thats just the way life is. Im a black guy and iI find white guy to be more of my taste. And yes, i have been and dated black guys . but for some reason my mind has always registered #whitechocolate.
Wow there’s a lot of response to this post. More than I’ve ever seen. I’m to adha to read them all, lol. I’m a white guy that gets turned down by black guys that only want “men of color”. Last time I looked at a box of crayons, white was a color that was in there along with black and more colors. A nice dick is a nice dick. Who cares what color it is. Not me. I have no skin color issues here. Just attitude issues. If you have nothing nice to say to someone, keep your fucking cock sucking ass eating mouth shut. Unless you’re saying it while you’re doing all that to me, lol. Yeah budddyyyy. Why can’t we all just get along in a big naked orgy.
color doesn’t matter—the guy was a jerk…..and you’re better than that and deserve better…..
It’s sad to think that the our community is just as bad (if not worst) that the straight world.
With all the our community has gone thought, that the same bigotry, narrow-mindedness, prejudice the outside world exhibits toward the LGBTQ community is alive and well within our own.
Dom2014 as much as we may try there is no real way to answer this question logically, the color of ones skin should not matter to any one gay, bi, Trans men. I can only speculate that the main cause for why does skin color mean so much to some men (and the rest of the world) is their upbringing.
As children we look up to our parents, family members and relatives, as child we are like little sponges taking in everything we hear. Those words spoken by our family at our young age may not have made sense to us then, but that seed of racism, prejudice and narrow-mindedness was planted. In some of us this seed never took hold, in others the awareness of this seed allowed us to overcome what was instilled by other in our youth and then there are those echo the closed mindedness they heard as a child.
to paraphrase Ando ..it’s on them (and not you) because their brains never fully developed to understand the true beauty in different colors which make up the rainbow of life.
When I was a child in the late 50s where there were still signs to tell you where to sit, where to drink, where to eat. Being Latin heritage those same rules applied to me as well and other people of “color”.
I have met number of men of different skin colors in my journey through life and it sad that with all the LGBTQ has gone thought that the same racism, bigotry, narrow-mindedness, prejudice our society exhibits towards our community, our community the exhibits itself. It is truly disheartening!
The color of one skin should not matter at all, I have learned over the years to look at what I have to offer and not to judge the book by its cover (as the old saying goes), but to enjoy the beauty which lays within and if they can only judge this book by its cover it’s their loss.
I hope, I may see the day when our community is truly color blind to the ones skin color.
I am Black and grew up in Alabama, so needless to say, this posting about racism does not surprise me. I’ve just recently started to come out to more family, friends, and other gay men and it’s pretty ironic that i get more rejection from the gay community based on my race unfortunately. It has gotten to the point where if a person of the opposite race actually shows interest, I’m extremely skeptical that there’s some alternative motive not for the good. Usually if a White or Latino or Asian guy approaches me, I can more than likely bet a buck that it’s to inquire about how big my cock is or some other sexual perversion.Sometimes I feel as though I am seen more like some wild animal rather than a gay male. Gay men are always marching around with rainbows yelling about equality, but yet we can be the most racial, judgmental, and deceitful. I hate to sound so bitter, but it’s really been hard for me dating and transitioning into this lifestyle because of past treatment from gay men based on race. To the guy who was called a monkey and got blocked..I bet that guy would never say that to your face…effincoward
Hang in there…
I read the story, was reading the comments and then had to stop due to the loftiness of some of them. I live in albany, NY and there is a place here near me called the riverstreet club where what was said is put into practice face to face. What has not been discussed is what is considered acceptable! As a black man, I do observe and ask questions of other ethnicities when opportunity knocks. Black people in general are not acceptable to a wide swath of white men, your skin color is only a small part. Your skin color is what is seen and most little whit boys are taught that anyone black is not acceptable, especially sexually! Just as most blackshave heard the statement: if he/she can’t use your comb, don’t bring /him or her home!! Light blacks, Latinos, Asians, Arabs closely resemble what is acceptable, white skin! Therefore making sexually arousal possible. Dark skin or being to relate to anyone one was taught to consider unacceptable, is a total and complete turnoff unless desperate. There is one black dude I see all the time who will suckered a white Dickinson before eating food, but while he is ducking that Dickinson and working himself to death, the white hands never touch him. Why? Desperation? Master/slave Mentality? I questioned him about it and he has since stopped because he had not noticed it! Now, this is not to say that all white men reject blacks, but there are a he’ll of a lot of them here in this city that do with pride and answers why do range from: I was taught that black people are unclean, unacceptable, out to get something from you, diseased to downright unbelievable. I have also lived in Utah, not too different and the mentality in colorado is right on part! The responder told you up front who he was and what he thought and in doing so, there was no need to go any further. Deal with those that are asking or wanting to deal with you. Leave everyone else where they are. Know who and what they are assuredly, but leave them and help another black person by keeping them informed with knowing people like that exist.
color doesn’t mean a thing unless your very narrow mind and discriminate. Everyone is the same unless your evil and rotten to others.
Is it me or the only time I actually get attention from White or Latino men is when they are old enough to be my grandfather, they are sick physically, only want coock, or I’m the last pick on the bench?? How come you wait until you’re sixty five or unhealthy or have exhausted all areas is when you finally pay the black guy attention?? I swear I’m gonna scream if I hear one more gay dude say , ” gimme big black cock” I cringe…..I’m Black but im more than just how big my dick is..the racial saga continues…smh
Oh, please don’t forget to include color struck black men in this picture as well! In all actuality, they are worse!!! As I stated previously, I do ask questions when I encounter thses issues, the person being questioned has the right to refuse, but that will not mean that the question has left the room! Yes white guys, there are a large member of black men who prefer white skin only and will not go near another black man! It is correct that everyone has their preferences and can easily state verbally ” it’s just my preference” but not one person will explore the “why?” behind the preference, not one!
I see stuff like this in the party section of A4A. Their personal profile say nothing about race, but the parties/events they’re hosting are ONLY for 1 race to attend.
Which is sad because if I did something like that, I’ld be called names & criticized for not inviting everybody.
My last comment must have been deleted like some of the other black guys who wants to share their experiences on the subject. Because lets face it, this is mostly an issue that reflects upon black men and maybe Asian men too. I don’t have a problem with preference, we all like what we like. But EXCLUDING a whole race of people from your dating pool is RACIST hands down. I’ve been to dating sites and talked to people who fucks/dates any color under the rainbow except BLACK or the complete opposite. They want nothing to do with you because you’re BLACK or they want sexually because you’re BLACK for fetish/taboo reasons. Its rare to find a white guy who likes you for the person you are. Back to the question at hand, “Why Does Skin Color Mean So Much?” It shouldn’t mean ANYTHING! Attraction does NOT have a color to it. We’ll its not suppose to, but it does because of RACISM.
This was a big topic within a FB group of mine. Everyone kept speaking of “preference” while I continued to feel it was nothing short of enabling racism. Example: to look at a black profile & have race as the determining factor in if you may or may not be interested is just crazy to me. I’ll just say this… If you feel that skin tone is only a “preference” then try explaining why it is to 1 of your friend’s who see is as not… Or better yet, explain it to 1 of your Friend’s of that same race & see they feel a little offended by it. Be all ear’s & open to whatever they have to say. You just may be racist this entire time.
But let’s all please stop calling something that you can’t change a “preference” in comparison to gender.
“Mark
June 26, 2016 at 13:23
But EXCLUDING a whole race of people from your dating pool is RACIST hands down.”
HOW is that racist? If you want nothing to do with a particular group & think they should not exist, THAT would be called “racism”. But not being sexually attracted to that group is no different than a height requirement, age, hair color, eye color, penis size, job, etc.
It’s good to have this dialogue, and I have read many of the responses. As a Black Man I have learned first hand just how people in general see me. From walking down the street, to spending time with friends in public. There is a major problem with Racism, and with the emergence of the Internet people feel it’s ok to let their true colors show. Even now some of our Political
Leaders are giving the go ahead to just say the most Racist comments without any challenge whatsoever. That has carried over into our community. It was on the DL for years, but now it’s cool to state what your so called preference is. I agree with some of you, and disagree as well. Real talk is very much welcome here, but let’s keep our minds open enough to hear, and understand what’s being said. Iam not saying that if you’re not interested in someone because he is not who you’re into, then that’s fine, it wouldn’t work to begin with. But saying that a person of a certain Race, Age, Size, or Gender can be considered Discriminatory. You may have your reasons, but take a second to digest what it says about you.
Pun intended, but this is a black and white situation.
I still beleive the original situation on this topic was about a nice, senative guy , that couldnt get the hint, being turned down by a rude, probably racist, arrogant dumb ass.
There are 2 sides of this. 1) the whole I’m not into black/white thing. Scientifically we are wired to be drawn to HEALTHY traits. For example, the sexual animal is drawn to HEALTHY skin and and a healthy body. That’s pure science. Socio cultural conditioning makes you TELL YOURSELF that you are attracted to a certain COLOR of skin and that’s conditioning. There are times when an intelligent guy can clearly see that someone’s disinterest is based on conditioning and less intelligent guys with the preference get in their feelings about being called out. So… If someone not as smart as you has the right to express disinterest based upon that, you have the right to call them out. It’s freedom of expression on both ends. 2. If I’m not interested in someone, I don’t spend the time or energy to engage them in chat, I simply ignore or block. So… That leaves you to ask WHY even engage someone in chat and MAKE IT A POINT to tell them that you’re not interested due to race and whatnot?? Why make it a point to bring it up? Why go that far? Could it be that some guys WANT to be abusive and say certain things that they would never dream of saying to you face to face??? Rejection gives some people a sense of power. So…. Instead of blocking or just not answering, they take the OPPORTUNITY to express disinterest. They have nothing else going for them intellectually so it’s the highlight of their day
”
Mark
June 26, 2016 at 13:23
But EXCLUDING a whole race of people from your dating pool is RACIST hands down.”
That is NOT being racist. If you don’t want anything to do with a particular group & wish they didn’t exist – THAT would be racist. But not being sexually attracted to somebody is no different than not attracted due to age, height, weight, eye color, hair color, accent, etc..
Color doesn’t make any difference to me, I’m really turned on by black men!
I am a non white person. I do not play the “race/victim” card. Prejudices exist not just about race but also because of age, body size, birth,breeding, background. We will never have a society where all are equal. If that were to happen we would have to start with everyone being the same economic status. That will never happen. Someone does not want you, move on and stop thinking of yourself as a societal victim.
OP had me interest with the post, but got my attention with his name!
I was a bit intimidated by men of color, then I hooked up with a black man and had the most wonderful time! I have lost that unease, I am happy to say. I really loved stroking his beautiful skin after we came.
It’s just skin , and for those who are stuck on it God bless you , and for those that can’t move pass that God bless you .. But my blackness is unapologetic . I date outside of my race mainly Latinos , some white , some Asian it’s all about preference .. If my black skin isn’t what u want it’s ok , but there are so many out here who have no issues with it like I have no issues with your skin … It’s just skin ( and a big dick to go with it )
ROFLMAO! It is so funny to read all of these guys’ comments here saying they are not racist yet still are objectifying black guys!!! “Omg your skin feels so beautiful” “Omg I love the contrast of our skins together” (when fuck!ng of course) “I love dark skin men mainly black and latino” (No honey! you love their big dicks filling you up) How about liking them as people, get to know them, hang out or date them, or just see them as a whole human not a +9incher mandingo!
I am a South Asian male and only attracted to dark skin guys….honestly speaking the experience I had with them is awful….for some reason it’s very hard to deal with a blk guy…..everyday, I receive several messages from white guys even tho my profile says only blk…but, guess how many blk guys hit me up? About a couple a month….u didn’t misread it, it’s the truth….then most of them r also only into blk or into mix, whites…..I have tried to talk with white guys but it just doesn’t arouse me at all….friends r fine but can’t be a boyfriend or fuck buddy…..I wish I liked other races too so that my life would have been a lot smoother..but it is what it is and I m trying to deal with it……..so, just want to say not all white guys creating an issue here, blk guys r no less discriminatory than whites…..it’s just the population of whites r more than blks so it looks they r the only who is doing this discrimination.
I hooked up with my first black man earlier this year. I was a little trepidatious at first, but when we entered his appt. and laid a big hot kiss on my, I melted! He was one of the most wonderful and considerate lovers that I have had. I learned much later that he preferred white men with blond hair and blue eyes, which I did not have, butt that does not decrease my love to be with him.
I’m personally attracted to black men. A lot of profiles I have come across say, no whites, no Caucasians.
My personal ideal man it has to be darker than my skin… and Black men and in fact a favourite for me… never the less i have been rejected but many of them before… but guess what… There are (thankfully) millions out there and not all think the same way on regards white men… so keep searching, never give up and u will find a match! Ignore the silly ones!
Has a white man , dark skin black men are the hottest.. I don’t know why but I’ve always been turned on by black men.. it’s just the way it is..sex is the best! I see most all bottoms are into black men.. That’s all I care to connect with. White guys do nothing for me..it’s not something I can just turn on or off.. I just wish I could find a good fuckbuddy.. easier said than do. ✌️