Gay Stuff : “Im Not Interested!”
When did saying “not interested” or “not my type” become a hate crime? Some guys assume just because they tag someone, that person should automatically fall to their knees in love.
Let’s say you are on A4A looking around for Mr. Right Now. You get a message from someone. You look at his profile and for whatever reason you decide he isn’t a match. You respond with a “Thank You, but not a match”. That should be the end of it right?
You get a message from the guy asking you why you aren’t a match. You decide not to answer but the emails keep coming. He tells you what you have written in your profile and he is into the same stuff. He tells you your age requirement and that he fits it. He goes on to tell you what a nice guy he is and that you are making a mistake.
You are about to answer him and tell him you just aren’t into him when the hate mail starts. He tells you that you aren’t all that and your pics are probably fake, etc…..
What it boils down to is this: it’s your choice who you hook up with. No one else’s. If you don’t want to hook up with someone for whatever reason, you don’t have to. There are ways of saying no that aren’t hateful. If you don’t like white guys, you don’t have to hook up with one. That’s your preference. The guys that are being turned down need to relax and learn to take no for an answer. No one hates you, they just aren’t into you.
Thoughts? Comments?
g skorich AKA eastvalleyoral
I’very had guys read my profile & wonder why I’m not giving them a chance. REALLY??? & I’M the one with issues? *SMH*
Because we no longer are “allowed” to have sexual preferences.
Some people aren’t into bears, some aren’t into femms, some aren’t into black guys, blonde guys, white guys, green guys or asians. The rediculous movement to shame people’s sexual preferences is yawn inspiring. Just because someone isn’t sexually attracted to you, does not mean they view you as a less than human, it just simply means that you don’t fit their fantasies at that moment. Get over it.
It honestly would be nice for a simple “not interested”. I’d rather that or even a block… They both get the point across. Note the need to explain why is a bit excessive. If a person tells you they aren’t interested let it be as it may. Block them or ask if they could block you to avoid the “bump-in” at a time. The silent treatment should be dismissed though. I mean… I do it also, of course, but if someone hits you again, asking if you were interested then there’s no harm at all to just politely let them no you’re not so they could (hopefully) be on they’re way & everyone is on to the next potential matches. We should indeed have more of that.
i like a person who can be intrested
This is right on point
I live in Grand Rapids Michigan and it’s a challenge even finding guys that are on the same intellectual page. As far as the race barrier that’s a whole different story. This is one area I would never recommend anyone even living here.
I know I am not a lot of peoples choice. But I have used the not interested phrase. Only because I have been scammed on here once which police were involved. But there are some people that say they are from your area and turn out to be from another country completely.
And to top it all off they don’t even read the profile and use words like ” I love you” Really?
This sounds like the “there are no winners or losers & we don’t keep score…& everybody gets a participation trophy” type of attitude young kids experience today.
I love it when some sends me a message to hook up. And I say I’m not interested. They reply back with “you’re a fat, pig! Go to the gym. Or something hurtful like that. Wasn’t it them who initiated the whole thing from the get go??
Story of my fucking life!!
Not sure when the gay family became severely dense but my generation are fucking assholes; if the dude gets even a thanks in the message that’s a miracle in itself. Older men and men who look hmmmm unconventional shouldn’t take this seriously. I don’t and NO ONE ELSE SHOULD!! They should feel sorry for the genetically chosen men cause for some this is all they have to feel any type of significance in the world. There is a reason my profile says friendship LOL.
I guess my thing is that many of us are using the iam not into you to be mean and hateful. You know who you are. It’s one thing to be sexually attracted to someone, but when you Respond to a profile, some guys become like some exclusive club that includes the velvet rope. It’s bad enough that we have to jump through hoops just to get even a response, but then it’s sorry not a match. Rejection is’nt the worst thing in life, but being mistreated is pretty fucked up. We all experience it from time to time, but being an asshole only makes you look like one. And not in a good way. I have my own preferences, but I don’t go out of my way to make someone else feel less then human because of them. Just remember the way you speak to someone for just being interested in you, says a lot about you. Think about that when you’re on the receiving end of a rude and hateful comment when you see someone you like.
There are 2 sides of this. 1) the whole I’m not into black/white thing. Scientifically we are wired to be drawn to HEALTHY traits. For example, the sexual animal is drawn to HEALTHY skin and and a healthy body. That’s pure science. Socio cultural conditioning makes you TELL YOURSELF that you are attracted to a certain COLOR of skin and that’s conditioning. There are times when an intelligent guy can clearly see that someone’s disinterest is based on conditioning and less intelligent guys with the preference get in their feelings about being called out. So… If someone not as smart as you has the right to express disinterest based upon that, you have the right to call them out. It’s freedom of expression on both ends. 2. If I’m not interested in someone, I don’t spend the time or energy to engage them in chat, I simply ignore or block. So… That leaves you to ask WHY even engage someone in chat and MAKE IT A POINT to tell them that you’re not interested due to race and whatnot?? Why make it a point to bring it up? Why go that far? Could it be that some guys WANT to be abusive and say certain things that they would never dream of saying to you face to face??? Rejection gives some people a sense of power. So…. Instead of blocking or just not answering, they take the OPPORTUNITY to express disinterest. They have nothing else going for them intellectually so it’s the highlight of their day
That’s what the block feature is for…after a guy asks why I’m not interested and I respond, he gets blocked because I’m not dealing with the bs. There’s nothing left to say.
Gay men sometimes are like children in a candy store. When they don’t get what they want they pout. When pouting does not work, they throw tantrums.
I’ve witnessed my share of such tantrums.
I’m the man everyone wants and I do not say that with arrogance, but rather my stats mean that I will be inundated. I am a very kind person. I’m an impressive man because of my accomplishments, but I am not impressed by me, nor do I expect others to be.
I’m just me.
I have a 10 inch dick and the pictures to prove it.
I’m in shape and the pictures to prove it.
Neither of those makes me better than, but both make me a magnet for queries.
I accept that.
I have my pictures posted because men always want to know dick size and to see it, so I just post it with the hope that will make small talk about it not happen.
My profile says that I am not into size.
I’ll hook up with men who simply talk to me. Age, body type, dick size, ethnicity, etc. is irrelevant because I want to be with a person and not a guy who wants me because I have a 10 inch dick.
I’m OK with a man wanting me for my dick, but he has to have something more than a lust for cock to “get” me. I don’t play hard to get, but I need more than “DFT?”
I try to kindly tell someone no. Sometimes that causes begging. I use the broken record technique of repeating that I am not interested and wishing them well in their search.
Then come the accusations that I think I’m better than or that I can play God because of my dick size.
I’ve had erectile dysfunction wished upon me and that I die of AIDS by others.
I usually then just ignore the person, but often that causes them to rant and rant.
Showing me you’re a psycho is going to change my mind?
Then if I do hook up, sometimes if the guy thinks I’m an Adonis, then I have to listen to him apologize for his smaller dick, jiggly belly, age, and so on.
I would not be with a man that I found unappealing.
The bottom line is that we all need to be nice to each other and if someone is not into us we should accept that he is not into us.
That isn’t a rejection.
Hey Matheson I want to see your 10’Dick I will like you are closed to me and trie that inside my mouth and ASS Hole
It’s because most gay people have internalized homophobia themselves. So when people say “not interested” they remember when they were closeted and called fag and or shunned. Another thing is, gay people have to stop thinking everyone wants them. Sometimes someone saying hi is just saying hi.
Some guys don’t read your profile they just see a hot bottom or a hot top with a nice cock and they message you without knowing what you’re about and then when you tell them they get l piss and say you’re not all that but at first they message you saying you’re hot lol I think some guys do read your profile but still message you so they can go off on you I have if you’re into anything goes then I not interested but I get messages from everyone who have anything goes on their profile. Me I just like to look at profiles of bottoms guys from all over but I get a message from a guy saying he’s not interested in long distance relationship and bi and blocked me for some reason he thought just because I look at his profile I wanted him if I did I would of message him or a least smile but I didn’t so I don’t know how he would of thought that.
Personaly if someone is not interested in me, i prefer the No Repley from guys. That silence speaks alot. What wver the reason may be is not important as the fact that he is not interested. I have no emotional bond with these guys so not answering is fine with me. Some guys think by actually reaponding just to say ” sorry not a match” they are doing the right, honest, mature thing to do. I think they feel like they should get points for being up front and honest. All that honesty does is get in your head and makes you go to the next question “why”? Then you wait for that reply and of course you have your rebuttal ready!! It can go back and forth until one puts on the deadly Block!!! The reslut will be the axact same thing if he jus never responded in first place.
We all get how it works -no answer, move on to next
**by the way, i feel this way too when it comes to answering a compliment.
If some sends ” you are handsome” , yes it is an opening line to start up some interest. I want a repy that shows me he may like me too, NOT a
“Thank you”. I hate it when i see a hot guy , pay him a compliment, then he responds, i get excited, start getting ready , shower and clean, try to contain my excitment, then i open his msg and it says “thank you”.
I get this alot.. I get as much play as I get rejection. It’s a part of the game. All you can do is try your luck…
I find guys only look at the pictures and don’t read, or better yet, don’t comprehend. My profile specifically states DON’T BE A SMOKER! DON’T BE A DRUG USER! Yet, guys who hit up my page are smokers and do drugs? Go figure. I often shake my head in disbelief when a guy message to you that he’s into anything and everything bareback, yet their profile states their status as negative. Also, being my age, when an 18 hits up my profile, I have second thoughts. My son is 30, and my personal preference is to connect with someone who is at least 5 years older than him. You try to make your search clear in your profile, some guys just don’t get it!
@ Joey .. +1
And these accusations of racism where none exist need to stop as well .
People have to stop conflating preferences with racism .
Is a white guy who doesn’t date other white guys a racist ?
I total agree. But I has never gotten that far. I just say not interested, then they say well you’re not that cite or something like that. I say I know and move on. I think men think that just because it’s a “hook up site” that we are obligated to sleep with anyone that says hello.
For me, the interesting component of this conversation is whathow we constitute attractiveness. I think the most of us have been programmed to think what attractive is. As a sexologist and former marriage counselor, I can tell you most people will choose a list of wants over a list of needs any day. With that being said, it’s your right to discriminate among potential sexual partners as you see fit. Sex is rarely based on logic. It’s highly intuitive, subjective, and inconsistent. I have a few reservations altogether, but I want to get back to my point and reiterate that we see a myriad of negative responses to particular races which coincides with their portrayal in popular media. And Caucasian and Latino men are revered as the most attractive now. Personally, it makes sense to me about people that choose to stick with their own race; that’s tribalism. I also understand having a non-discriminatory policy when it comes to race. But I’ve never been able to wrap my head around the emotional components that qualify some races and disqualify others. Just keep in mind, life is a question. Sex is a statement.
I’ve learned over the years it is best to not respond. If they keep sending you a message, just block them…..until they create another profile, then it is the same process all over again.
I’m HIV positive and undetectable and sadly I get blocked just for checking out guys profile pages with no intention of any possible connection.
The number of guys still ignorant and uneducated about AIDS/HIV in this age of information is simply staggering.
I stopped taking it personally long ago.
Most people tend to hate rejection and take it personal when they are. Especially when you think you meet their requirements as posted. We all think of ourselves as “good” people that others should automatically know. But if you believe that about yourself then it must be considered their loss not yours. No need to take it personal. I don’t.
Clearly, you’ve run out of ideas. I block people all the time – – so what?
So… There are 2 sides of this. 1) the whole I’m not into black/white thing. Scientifically we are wired to be drawn to HEALTHY traits. For example, the sexual animal is drawn to HEALTHY skin and and a healthy body. That’s pure science. Socio cultural conditioning makes you TELL YOURSELF that you are attracted to a certain COLOR of skin and that’s conditioning. There are times when an intelligent guy can clearly see that someone’s disinterest is based on conditioning and less intelligent guys with the preference get in their feelings about being called out. So… If someone not as smart as you has the right to express disinterest based upon that, you have the right to call them out. It’s freedom of expression on both ends. 2. If I’m not interested in someone, I don’t spend the time or energy to engage them in chat, I simply ignore or block. So… That leaves you to ask WHY even engage someone in chat and MAKE IT A POINT to tell them that you’re not interested due to race and whatnot?? Why make it a point to bring it up? Why go that far? Could it be that some guys WANT to be abusive and say certain things that they would never dream of saying to you face to face??? Rejection gives some people a sense of power. So…. Instead of blocking or just not answering, they take the OPPORTUNITY to express disinterest. They have nothing else going for them intellectually so it’s the highlight of their day
Agree that it’s everyone’s choice. I just can’t stand the condescending “You’re really cute, but you’re not my type” responses. Lol, clearly I’m not that cute :-). I can never figure out why some guys feel the need to say stuff like that, when a simple “not a match” is sufficient.
So let’s try this again, since it looks like my last comment was deleted for no harsh reason. It’s ok to not have an interest in someone & you’re not obligated to explain why, but I do feel that is that you should at least let them know. The silence treatment is so tired. I do it as well, I must admit, but if someone messages me asking if I was or was not interested then what’s the harm in answering? Either let people know or block them. They both deliver the same message and leaves no room for further confusion. If you’re not interested now then you should not be later so let’s all move on to the next. Happy hunting.
In my own case it’s a ton of factors. Everything from schedules to feeling I’m being pushed to my desire to stay away from rally stupid people.
It stems from basic rejection. A4A gives us the opportunity to see many guys before we meet them, but all too many base all judgement on what someone looks like rather than who they are. I agree if your just looking for sex then yes looks are 90% of what you are looking for, however too many guys say they re just looking for friends but won’t talk to you just because your not hot looking and there is the rub. Since when do you have to be physically attracted to a friend.
Just had that happen to me on here today. Met with someone last Thursday, was not comfortable at all with him, his messy house, or how he acted. Should have left right away, but we fooled around a bit and I let him blow me. Contacted me and said how hot it was and when could we do it again. I told him how uncomfortable I was, and that I was sorry but it wasn’t going to happen again. He replied that I wasn’t that good and “U FUCKING SUCK”. Then deleted his account before I could even answer. So much for honesty. Should have not answered and blocked him. Live and learn
I will admit have made some rude remarks to guys that I have politely said ‘no’ and ‘sorry, not interested’ to 4 or 5 times. Nothing really bad but kinda sharp at the same time. It’s not personal but if I am not interested today I probably won’t be interested tomorrow or the next 3 or 4 days, or next week, or 2 weeks from now. I’m not talking about conversation, just ‘do you want to hook up?’. On the other hand I have been told ‘no’ few times and it does sting a little, but I don’t harass anyone over it.
Rejection is fine, just be nice. Clear, but nice. But I do hate it when a guy my age, late 40s is rejected by my age or older because they only date guys in their 20s. Like them young? Cool. But if u say u find men your own age unattractive? That’s messed up if u find me unattractive, that’s your prerogative. But don’t reject all men your own age.
This is exactly why people don’t answer emails when they aren’t interested in someone. No matter how polite you are, people’s egos get bruised easily and then the hate mail starts.
If someone’s not interested, then just thank them for the response and move on. Have some confidence in yourself that the right person is out there for you.
Why can’t we just be adults and realize that we won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. So what if a person has racial hang ups…. Move on!!!! Why would you even want to associate yourself with that person. You’re the problem!!! Get over yourself. I have a philosophy that I tell people to go by. It’s simple, stay in your lane. Don’t go after Shemar Moore if you look like Danny Devito,, don’t message Zac Efron if you look like Jack Black. More than likely they will want to hook up with someone similar to them. That’s how life is sometimes.
It’s called being “desperate” and “needy” Lol
I don’t have a preference but I’m into guys that are not into me!
I would MUCH rather prefer to get a nice, polite “no thanks” than what I get a lot of the time. You don’t even have to say “sorry” with it – nothing to be sorry for.
But I am tired of the RUDE ones who are offended that you had the nerve to say hello.
And just as bad are the ones you talk to for a while (one I even hooked up with once) and then they start to just ignore you – don’t even open your emails. Then you email and ask what’s up and they throw it at you that they might have been interested until your long email.
Really? Is that why you didn’t even bother to OPEN what I wrote before that? Be a Man, don’t lie and try to make it my fault – just say “not interested” and more on. LoL.
Yea it is called rejection issues. Some don’t get it.
Peoples(males in particular) don’t know how to handle rejection because our egos are so damned frail. I don’t know when but at some point, guys decided they were the end all be all and God’s gift to the world and anyone that didn’t see that should just die. Fortunately, I’m ugly so that has kept my ego in check and I barely notice any more. That being said, if your self worth is based on a guy replying to you on a “dating” site, you need to get out more and interact with the real world.
I also plead guilty to just not replying to guys when they message me sometimes, but I think that’s more of the exception than the rule. But that’s usually because the other guys has something in his profile that would indicate we aren’t a good fit(age requirement, drug use, fetish, etc), so why bother wasting time?
Everyone has there on preference and they have that right people like who they like and there’s no reason to get angry or hateful because that’s wrong and it’s not right just say I’m not interested. I messaged a guy once and I was blocked now mind you this was the first time I ever messaged this guy and I didn’t know he blocked me and I didn’t know why because I’ve never messaged him before but I was curious to know why for a minute then I was like who cares that’s his loss and that’s how you have to look at it there’s to many guys around to get upset over one or a few
HOw about the guy that sees that you checked out his profile, but you didn’t send a message,a he privates you…..HELLO, there is a reason I didn’t message you! I’m not being rude, but for some reason I didn’t message you..
It a mentality that the Politically Correct crowd has been pushing. That everyone is the same and it doesn’t matter. Many of these people grew up think that we are al the same and probably played sports on those crappy leagues were they don’t keep score.
I not bigoted, but we are not the same. I a bear and and there are guys my type that like bears. But there are guys that don’t like bears. The problem comes from those guys that bust their ass spending hours in he gym and hating there life eating egg white omelets and never drinking a refreshing soda to try a fit the media idea of the perfect male body.
They get their body they probably get sex whenever they want it and get a god complex. They think anyone not up to there standards don’t have the right to look at them.
All said and done when they final meet a guy they like or just want to pound that turns them down. They don’t know how to take it. They feel that anyone would be privileged to hookup with them and the blow to their overblown ego send them on a mine tantrum.
One thing we men need to realize is that it is perfectly to be OK with being straight forward. This applies to who we are, as gay men, and to who we find attractive. I’ve learned to not be sensitive about guys “not interested”. Let’s not wear our emotions on our sleeves. Peace and Love to All.
Not every guy sending you a message is trying to hook up, and not responding is pretty rude. Would you just walk right pass someone trying to talk to you at a supermarket, mall or bar ect…. if so grow up. Persistence can get annoying block them if it bothers you, but for the most part guys on adam/grindr along other sites are mainly queens with attitude problems and underlying issues.
Some guy messaged me saying, “what’s up with you” and I replied, “I am not interested” and he replies saying, “typical sissy”. I’m like wow you’re only visiting my city and you’re my parents age, I don’t need to talk to you if I don’t want to.
If some guy got all bent out of shape over rejection online and kept messaging me, I’d just block him. Rejection sucks and we all experience it, and shouldn’t make us feel undesirable. I like the convenience and varity of hook up sights, but I do miss the time when you had to cruise guys in bar, flirt with a guy who’s alone or with a bunch of friends. Guys get shut down and we moved on. There was no nasty comments or stalking, well maybe a couple psycho here and there. Sad guys feel it’s ok to continue to message or be an asshole because someone said thanks but not for me, while hiding in the annonimenity of the internet.
So it appears that the only comments that didn’t make it up here were the comments refuting the narrative lol. Sorry i made your little pea brain implode
yep way many guys on a4a who play mind games act like t he 12 years old right guy some guys want to picky I have agree with sothenr boy some guys just jack asses
I have this happen to me all the time. Once the hate mail starts I say I have changed my mind. I then ask to meet them and beat the hell out of them. That stops it 9 times out of ten. I then ask them if they want a 2nd date. Not one has taken me up on the second date.
I totally agree with the poster. A polite expression of no interest isn’t a personal insult or comment on someone’s value as an individual. I’ve had to block guys who totally flip out in these cases, which is more of a reflection on them and their character than anything I might have said.
I’ve told guys that I’m not interested in them and boy do I get attacked. They say such hurtful things like ” you old fuck, who would want you anyways. You just wish you could have me, you old fag.” It like wtf all I said was hi. These younger guys and some middle aged guys need to fucking get a grip. One day their hot bodies and sexy asses will all go away and they will be old too. If you tell someone your not interested, say thank you and move on.
I feel like there’s a “Gay Version” of Feminism floating around. “You don’t like me? HATE CRIME”
I don’t bother with people who aren’t interested. Why? There are plenty of others out there. It does surprise me sometimes when someone blocks me just because I sent a smile. However, I just block them. If they’re that particular, more power to them. It’s not that important to me.
The bottom line is a lot of guys are shallow and it really depends on what you are in search of when get on the site. Many times it’s a matter of looking at a body with which one wants to have sex and the personality and mentality of the brain in that body is secondary. I like handsome men but don’t always end up with one. I like hairy guys because I like the way it feels against my nipples when we are shirtless and kissing but that doesn’t mean that I would turn down a smooth guy if he had some other quality that intrigued me.
Personality-wise people are fluid and most of us don’t know that. Our “roles” aren’t set in stone. Life takes on a whole new meaning when we dance with it instead of trying to keep it the same. We don’t realize that we make up the a lot of the things that we find sexy or that prejudices can ultimately prevent us from finding “the one”.
Now I’m not perfect in being without a preference or prejudice. I am really uncomfortable with feminine men. I don’t care to have sex with women so why would I have sex with someone who reminds me of one. The thing that really sticks out for me the most is that most women aren’t as “feminine” a effeminate men. There are no boundaries in human abilities, capabilities and actions so I say there are no strict rules on what is masculine and what is feminine. Boy George rocked makeup but never, at least to me, seemed womanly. He wasn’t “butch” but I never would mistake him as a woman.
I agree with Joey!! Or on the flip side if you are open in your profile about your status, then you should just be willing to swallow every swinging cock that comes knocking or willing to let yours get swallowed. It’s called a preference for a reason, I know I’m not everyone’s type and they aren’t mine but luckily I’m enough people’s type that I have a good time!!
jesus people have that issue?
I’d rather people say “hey don’t think i’m interested” that ghosting the fuck out after a conversations……like 20 messages in, unlock photos…GONE wtf?
Your so contradictory….you’ve had plenty of posts shaming people for saying they aren’t into blacks or Asians. Now your saying its preference and ok. If I say on my profile no A-rabs is that ok? I guess it’s no prblem to judge people off the color of their skin…hey it’s my preference.
Some people aren’t that nice in saying they are not interested. Some people will just block u. At least have the manners to say “you are not my type”. I’m just saying
Well I’ve have this happen to me quite a few times. Personally I feel as though not every person who send you a message want to fuck and you assume something when all they may want is to chat yet people have “requirements just to chat
Wow, this is pretty crazy, have you read recent BLOGs here? Guys are so rude, freakin diatribes and cursing to make a point — if you can say it smart, then you’ve already lost the battle gentlemen — ultimately YES, you have the right to like/dislike whatever you want. If only some had the class to say it correctly. Some writers have nailed it — SocioCulturally, we have developed very specific traits which society deems not politically correct —
“so what, who cares, this is A4A, I can say what I want”
seems to be the standard excuse for bad manners and behaviors because in reality marginalized groups should understand how it feels to be pushed aside. Before I knew how to support myself, the worse treatment I got was from the guys on here. Now, I for one make it a point to be terminally polite, EVEN IF THE OTHER GUY GETS RUDE (nothing says F-you better than politeness in the face of ugliness). I did a little experiment, where I added 50lbs to my weight on my profile, man if guys didn’t go off on diatribes, make distasteful comments, or the BLOCK with no reply. It was great, I found out who were the quality gentleman I sought here. On the other side of the coin my BF and I went out to dinner in upscale gay part of town and dudes were so rude trying to pick me up with him sitting right next to me! Where is our class?
So, like I shared earlier, as an American, you have freedom of speech, but just remember SOMETIMES IT IS BETTER TO REMAIN POLITE AND SILENT, & HAVE SOMEONE BELIEVE YOU ARE AN @$$#0/3 THEN TO OPEN YOUR MOUTH (or BLOCK) AND REMOVE ALL DOUBT, because ultimately guys who understand what it feels like to be discriminated against SHOULD do everything in their ability to be kind to their brothers and community
So I get the “not interested” or “not my type” all the time. I pretty much strike it up to their loss. I’m 53, healthy, fun, retired from a very successful career as a physician, have all the money and means to last a lifetime, and I’m just waiting for the right guy to come along and realize what they are missing. I don’t NEED another man to complete me, but my life (and theirs) would be a whole lot more fulfilling shared….just sayin!
Geeze, you’re like people who complain about telemarketers–you don’t HAVE to pick up the phone. Already told em “Not interested’? Ignore every subsequent email. Or if you feel you must to be polite, just keep replying “Sorry, not interested.”
If I’m not interested I either don’t respond and hopefully the person gets the message I’m not interested by not responding and if the person persists I just politely say, sorry not interested. 9 out of 10 times they go away. And when someone says that to me, I do the same.
What people have to understand is that your not everyone’s type and have to handle rejection like a grown adult and not like a sissy boy. Just move on. Who cares, their loss, right?.
What I don’t get are people on these sites who take pictures of themselves from far away or them wearing sunglasses, so I have to ask “Hey do you have an a clearer and closer pic of you?” It’s common sense. I played hide and seek when I was 6 years old, too old for that crap. Why does someone have to ask for a recent face pic? You’re on a website, most people will not people someone without knowing what you look like.
Also guys who lie about their age, thinking that they can get away with putting that they’re 40 when they’re really 55. The question of age is not “What age did you stop counting?” or “How old do you feel or think you look like?” The question is what is your REAL AGE?”.
I don’t care for Adonis type bodies as I don’t have one myself, but a RECENT face pic is a must. Personality and face is important to me. Most gays don’t care for that and a nice body will do them just fine, that’s not me.
Oh and you gotta love those guys who post those classy pics of their assholes, literally. Seriously??
I’m sorry but as grown men here, we should act like one. If you get rejected, that’s that. No reason to be blasting 10 emails trying to understand ‘why me’ got rejected or bullying that guy for his personal choice of not ‘taking you in.’ You’re not that special, no body is.
There’s so many guys here, like seriously, sooner or later you might find that cute guy, you might connect and have a good convo and maybe planning a good hook up (or whatever else you’re looking for).
Some people have to do more with their lives than just being stuck on an app all day anyways.
I prefer making love to having sex. Some guys just want to ejaculate and most times I am able to read that in their profiles and pictures.
I am a real gay guy and I consider my sexuality to be something special and I treasure it. It’s difficult for me to get in bed with a guy who is just looking to mess over me and potentially cause me some psychological damage.
My number one priority is ME so I am the one calling the shots! If I see that a guy only wants to Fuc* and slobber all over me, I usually can tell that from the profile so I say, no, not interested OR I just flat out ignore them! Most of those type of guys find someone else who is into what they want because there are plenty of them using A4A for the same purpose.
So for me it’s not due to race because I open to all MEN it’s because I don’t think they’re going to do me any good in bed.
I don’t need any butt-pounding sex I need a man who likes to prove that he’s a good lover.
I look for good MEN.
I have gotten this more from younger guys but it doesn’t bother me because I am self confident in who I am. But, honestly, and I don’t mean this to be hurtful, if a person has let themselves go and is way overweight or a man who looks to be in his 70’s but claims to be 53 or something like that, they should not take offense if someone is not interested. My stats are accurate. I am 56 but look like I am in my late 40’s. I feel like I miss out on a lot of good guys because of my age and it would be so easy for me to pass myself off as 46 but I don’t do it. All I can say is be honest and try to have a decent conversation before hooking up.
I have noticed hypocrisy at its finest related to this. I will shoot guys down if they say they are only into less than 30 but hit me up. I respond, “Sorry, but I don’t fit your profile.” Then they go off like the Cuban Missile Crisis. The same thing goes for African Americans only looking for “brothas” who are interested in me, to which I respond I am not, only to hear “So you are a racist…”
Is there anyway we can get over our own hypocrisies? God knows that is what is Trumping the political landscape right now.
Just so it’s clear – not responding or ignoring doesn’t equal not interested in my book. Take the f***ing 5 seconds and respond and say it. Don’t be a douche
I’ve been told I’m not somebody’s type several times. I always thank them for their honesty, and wish them luck. I’ve rejected a few as well, and am always honest as to why. That way, no time has been wasted. No reason for anybody to be a dick.
Most polite answer: Thanks but not a match. Or: Thanks not interested. Ca be followed up by: good luck in your hunt.
Less polite answer: no answer at all. It does get the point across but can also be saying: you are not worth my acknowledgement.
Rude response: start a war over it.
Most rude response: just blocking them, which also says I think I’m better than you and you are not worth anything at all. AKA the wimpy aggressive type.
Blocking gets people all bent out of shape and should be used rarely when things get out of control. Some will just create a new profile and go right back after you.
It should be common sense. If they are not into you move on and find someone who is. I think some of these guys just get off more on how many rejections they can dish out rather than how many good connections they could make – sexual or otherwise.
And lastly, hiding behind the net is not license to be a BITCH. Guess what? More people probably know exactly who you are even when you think you are anonymous.
The gay world is a joke. Nothing like that of the 70’s and 80’s, now a days gay dudes most of them anyways think they are gods. Gay dudes are dying every day (see Orlando) and there seem to be a attitude in the gay community. No courtesy, respect, or kindness whatsoever. And I think it basically comes down to education and maturity. If a person isn’t interested and the other person accepts that without responding back, why would the other person block the dude for no reason? Some gay dudes need a reality check and to get the balls back and come off the vagina.
People don’t or refuse to read a profile. I mean if you read you wouldn’t need to write me. I have told guys thanks but you too handsome and I’m only into fems and transgenders who are smooth with soft features. For this I’m called sick, but prior to that I was ok for some of my dick. People refuse to admit but we carry the so called straight world BS like racism too, the sad thing is in the straight world gays are hated by them too. LOL I read profile but many still lie example when I call them one their BS they lie on the site saying Adam4Adam put it in their profile(BIG LIE)… just relax and quit playing games and think everyone should want you and quit worrying about size. If you suck dick any size you tackle shout be ok if you got SKILLS. If your serving ass up every big dick does not mean they know how to use. GOOD DAY WORLD.
Honestly, I actually prefer someone to tell me that they aren’t interested. As to just plain ole ignoring or blocking me (which I think blocking and ignoring is just a straight bitch move anyway). I’ll respect them more more when they just say it. Jmo
Well, it’s one thing to simply be told “no thanks” or be blocked and quite another to receive unprovoked derogatory remarks about your race, as if my saying “Hello, how are you doing?” was somehow offensive.
Conversely, I’ve been pleasant with people by responding even if I’m not interested until they get to the point because I don’t like to assume they want to hook up. Apparently that pisses people off too. There’s no winning.
If I send a greeting to a guy and he doesn’t respond, that’s a message. Easy. No harm; no foul.
If I guy sends me a message and after I read his profile it’s clear we’re not a match (usually because of distance or his stating a extreme preference I don’t meet or want, or no picture and/or no text), I’ll not respond. That’s a message. Easy.
I’ve been told I’m too old, or too hairy, or not enough HWP in the past. Hell I even had a guy that slammed back a reply of “you have facial hair. I don’t do guys with facial hair.” (If he had turned out to be a decent guy and a gentleman, I might have shaved.) I’ve also had guy who did not express an age preference reply “I DON”T DO CREEPY OLD GUYS!”
What I don’t get is the guys who don’t respond and then BLOCK you. I’ve only blocked two guys in over 10 years of being on sites. And that’s because they had become rude and abusive when I replied “No thank you.” There was one guy that I didn’t respond too on another site who kept hitting me up and he finally said “I’m sorry you’re mad.” To him I did finally respond, “I’m not mad. I just have absolutely NO interest at all.” As an experiment, I did not block him; just waited. He got the message.
Life would be simple if a) we had decent profile descriptions; b) we all read them before hitting a guy up; c) we didn’t get our undies in a bundle when a guy said “no thank you”; and d) we all had some manners when responding to being hit up. But guys being guys, the interactions are going to be “interesting”.
Best way to handle this is: Check out his profile first, if you’re not interested, delete your trace.. & dont even respond.
Many gay guys are just rude and bitchy. Period. I reject guys who I’m not attracted to all the time, and I never have any problems because I do it tactfully and respectfully. Many of these jerks don’t realize that once you are rude and city with someone, you are perpetuating a cycle? Where you will end up being treated the same way.
And to be honest, if someone does show and interest in you, you should be flattered, and be humble!!! None of you are gifts from God!!!
Let me start off by saying that it is totally fine to not be interested in someone, and you’re not obligated to explain your reason behind it. We all have preferences. Personally, I am more into tall, Caucasian men. However, I still remain open to those outside of that particular type.
Some people use the word “preference” when they don’t really know what it means. The big question is, since when is it okay to judge an entire group of people before you meet them? They’ve got a word for that: prejudice.
Unless you’ve met every fat, fem, differently abled, Asian, Black, Native American, gender fluid, or person of any other identifier on the planet, you are not capable of making statements like, “I’m just not attracted to X people.” You DON’T know that you’re not attracted to them, and if you feel like you do, it’s because you’ve reduced the community to lesser than you or the people you like, which is not and will never be okay.
True…the whole world aint gonna like u and vice versa…i just get tired of overweight older white men hitting me up lmao
To Joe from GR in the comments section above. I’m from K-zoo and I feel your pain man. It’s hell here too!!
I usually go for the block when someone doesn’t get the point after I don’t respond a few times.
Here’s a rule: If they don’t get back to you after the first one, they’re usually not interested, although some guys do take a while to get back to you. I hate it when dudes creep on my profile then get bitchy when I don’t respond to their cavalcade of messages.
I get when I’m being shot down, it sucks but I make it through, without acting like a hurt child and claiming some discrimination. Grow up people.
I am an older gay man who was blessed with a nice round ass that men seem to enjoy. I get hit up all the time by younger men who like my ass pic but then ask are you generous. I’m sure it’s due to my age. I always chuckle and then say to them I’m generous with my skills and talents and with an ass like this do you think I ever have to pay for dick. They usually respond back saying yeah you’re right and that usually stops that kind of dialog with them. my question is what is up with all the men on here who want money for having hot sex. I just don’t get it.
hey AL, leave your screen name and I will message you. You sound like a nice guy 😉
As a older gentleman ( been in this site for many years) I’ve learned the hard way not to take this whole game so serious and personal I’ve meet many nice people all over California , I’ve got a thick skin and I’ve got many acquaintances on line in this site who have become great friends some I know personally others on line only / I am not searching any certain age range or color they may not be a match sexually , but a good friend to network with , we act like a very dysfunctional family , but expect outsiders to be excepting And understanding ! Where did we go wrong! ? Let’s relax and work together as a team !
Thank you!
I think DCHeathen is right…..most of the men in here are douchebags anyway….
Oh come on people.. stop being so freaking sensitive. Rejection is part of life. Get use to it! If he sends you hate mail, report him or block him. Its that easy. So many of yall on here complaining over nothing. Grow the F up, get thick skin and move on.. yall stuck on wanting this guy that you bend over backwards forhim for a quicke. Stop being desperate and just move on.. its that simply.
If someone is not interested in me i usually block them so I dont go down that road again. If I’m not interested in someone who hits me up, I say so and then block them so again we dont go down that road. That way there is no begging which I have not been subjected to. I am in small town VA and there are few on a4a that I meet but the occasional visitor, most of who are “straight”. I have more issues here with people falsely representing themselves either with pics, age and/or stats…
I’m on a4a solely for sex, nothing else. Therefore, I’m looking for specific body types, ages, races and physical attributes that arouse me. If I get a message from someone who I would not want to have sex with, I simply don’t reply. Conversely, I message people who I’m attracted to and they frequently don’t reply to me. I leave it there and don’t continue to message them. If they were interested, they’d get back to me. This is a supermarket for sex and no one should take rejection personally. Have fun and get laid.
Phoenix said …
‘Unless you’ve met every fat, fem, differently abled, Asian, Black, Native American, gender fluid, or person of any other identifier on the planet, you are not capable of making statements like, “I’m just not attracted to X people.” You DON’T know that you’re not attracted to them, and if you feel like you do, it’s because you’ve reduced the community to lesser than you or the people you like, which is not and will never be okay.’
Sorry but I have to disagree . I HAVE met virtually every race of people on the planet and I have wonderful friends from many , many different ethnic groups . Have worked with them , traveled with them , socialize with them , etc.
Unfortunately the sexual attraction piece of puzzle in my brain is a very specific shape and is only turned on by one thing and it’s a damn curse .
It has absolutely ZERO to do with lack of exposure or racism or any other ‘ism’
To me , a person who has no preferences and can hop in the sack with anyone of any description is a totally foreign concept .
The one thing I hate is being ignored when I say hello and compliment someone. I don’t ask for sex, I just say
“Nice profile and pics” and many times I am ignored. If they are not interested, common courtesy suggests that they say so rather than ignore. If I am not interested I tell the person that rather than ignore them.
As far as people not being interested in me because of my age, they should realize that if they are still on here when they get to my age (52) how they will feel when someone rejects them because of age.
Rejection? Let’s remember this is rejection at a great distance. Carried out in the comfort of one’s own home or a Starbucks. Consider how gay men felt pre-Internet. You had to go up to a living man and take your chances. I’ll bet back then all you did was shrug and move on. Yet with the Internet, we have license to make fools and stalkers of ourselves for simply reading “no.” Get that READING “no” not actually hearing the word said to our hopeful little faces.
It’s courtesy, respect,manners.all it takes is a no thanks. And I get the message. I have met some great guys here. I’m a older Joe average so I’m used to rejections. The guys that are truthful prob get plenty of what ever they are looking for. I have been very lucky here having met 2 Adonis types here. And also some scum bags. And then there was the guy I thought was a perfect match and possible ltr we were what the other was looking for till I got to his place we sat outside and had a beer. I thought wow I struck gold. He invited me in, I said sure we walked inside I took one wiff his apt smelled like 10 litter boxes that had never cleaned. I gagged and said I’m sorry but I can’t handle the smell and thanks for the invite and meeting me. I turned around to leave. He started cussing and screaming that I was a fat faggot. LOL He showed me no matter how perfect you think somebody is we ALL HAVE FLAWS . I’m a smoker so my place smells like smoke. If that bothers you I’m OK with that. Not going to scream and ridicule you for that. Just show and give respect to each other and respect our decisions. NO thanks is easy to say and understand
No matter how you rationalize it, not replying is right royally rude and wrong.
Not responding is tantamount to saying that you either think yourself above the simple concept of kindly respect, and/or that they are not not worth your time.
So yes, not replying does say a good deal – all bad, and all about those who do not.
What irks me is when a guy messages me with at most a one word message (usually “hey”), unlocks his pix, but after I thank him and offer some compliment, I never hear a word more from him.
Of course the worst of all is having a guy message me, pique my interest, press for a meeting, propose plans, only to stand me up. With nary an excuse much less an apology afterward.
None the less, jaded as I am, and though I may not be interested, I take it as a compliment when someone takes the time and trouble to message me. The least that I can do is thank them.
But then, I was raised right. Not to mention that I don’t have my head stuck so far up my own ass, smelling my own farts that I can’t be troubled to be a decent, compassionate person.
After all, I have no idea what it may have taken for another to message me. He may be going through a very rough time, and simply need an ear.