Gay Stuff : Life as an Older Gay Male
Articles have been written about adjustments older males face in their later years and some websites offer social interaction, but not many offer sexual opportunities. We have come to erroneously believe that sex is not happening among older adults. WOW! We are misinformed! Sexual activity among older adults is still a hot topic—pun intended!
Many older guys are still very active sexually—str8, bisexual and gay! These men are looking for playmates and partners that are young, exciting and fantastic in the bedroom. They are sometimes looking for playmates nearer their own age. Erectile dysfunction may affect some oldsters, but medications available are permitting them to enjoy renewed sex lives!
Many older males have enjoyed long-term relationships with some ending in death. They have experienced emotional trauma along with their suffering mates—just the same as str8 couples. Their lonely lives thereafter produce all the stages of grief with depression and stress through an extended period of recovery that could rebound in delayed sexual pleasure and ecstatic experiences.
Older gay males are not often as interested in having occaional hookups but are more interested in the quality of companionship in LTRs. Younger guys are not often sensitive to older gay males and do not offer assistance—with or without sexual interaction. Some older gay males become involved in community affairs and health awareness. (locations for HIV testing, health screening, etc.) Websites also list volunteer community service programs where older males can get involved. Younger males can also find informal counseling from older males. This can result in productive business decisions by younger adults.
If you are an older adult, consider how you can improve the quality of your life while helping gays of all ages—younger and older who have lost their focus! If you are a young adult interested in making a difference in your community, think about the ways you might interact with older guys in community projects. Give them a hand—no pun intended.
SexCounselor4U
I know it’s commonplace for the older generation to complain about the ill-mannered, ill-considered, ill-informed — “ill” everything — younger generation. However, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how many younger men have been willing to have conversations, relationships, and hook-ups with me — guys a decade or two or three younger. Not all, but some. Thanks, younger guys, it is appreciated!
When I was 14 I had the pleasure of meeting a daddy who was 60 and the sex with him was amazing. By 16, I was the son to him and three of his friends. All had ED, so I fucked them. They taught me a lot about like and older men because they know how to do sex are a delight.
When you say “Websites also list volunteer community service programs where older males can get involved.” that is a very generic statement. What are some of them?
it was great to hear there is medicine to help older men get hard. I am 67 years old and due to many years of smoking I have vascular disease now. with the blood flow low in my lower body, I have not had an erection in 5 years. consulted with doctors to see about stints but it is not for me. so life is lonely, but am doing fine. I realized years ago that being alone can be great and now seldom feel lonely. just because I can not due the thing I did in younger years I still have a full lie.
Define older, I am 41. I feel older, lol. I like to have sex and lots of it. but I like men my age or older.
Loosing a long term mate is devastating for a gay man as well as a straight married couple. Funny how people do not consider us a widower because we were not able to get married.
And the way young guys treat older gay men is usually despicable. So you are out and on your own. Time to grow up and act like an adult. Just because you visit with an older guy does not mean you have to hop in bed with him. Even though you might learn something. Safe sex only always guys.
Thanks.
Nice picture. You have seriously got to be kidding, OLDER??? Than what, 35? Why don’t you talk about what when you turn 50? Sure, the younger guys are interested–in your money. How many ads depict young guys looking for “generous” older men? Yes, all you young dudes are real sensitive–NOT!!! What you are is spoiled, entitled, arrogant, and not as funny as you think you are, but don’t worry–you’ll get to 50 and suddenly it will “all make sense”, if you’re lucky. FYI, older men are not at all turned on or interested in paying for sex or companionship. Keep it in your pants, sparky. You probably don’t even know what to do with it. Oh well, I guess I’m supposed to be off to some “committee meeting” or “community service”. Fuckin ey, man. Thanks for your “support” and “understanding”. Wake up and get a clue.
What age of “older male” is this post talking about? The pictured model isn’t quite ready for social security or the old folks home just yet….maybe 25 years from now
was there something wrong wit my comment? Did I not speak the truth? Things always seem so much nicer when we whitewash the truth. Freedom of speech is one thing the “community” can’t take away from the “Older men”. Censorship is a very ugly thing just as the truth sometimes is. Publish the truth.
Gay men are as ageist and racist as American society is in general. Since I appear much younger than the years I’ve been blessed with – and I’m naturally rockhard and stayhard, I simply lie. No one knows I’ve shaved 15 years from my age – but I always confess afterwards. I’ve even been carded about five times!
Are you sure this blog isn’t “Gay fluff”? Speak the truth…
While it is true that I am far removed from ever being considered a literary genius of my generation, I’m really questioning the sentence structure at the start of the third paragraph: “Many older males have enjoyed long-term relationships with some ending in death.”
This again demonstrates why I prefer something less lengthy and less lethal.
How come this article talks about older gay males as if they were an obscure species being described in a documentary???
What a bunch of HORSESHIT. Who cooked this up, Dave? Gay life is OVER at 40…anything past that is a gift, and you have to spent all your free time as a gym rat to keep muscle mass up so you can play daddy top to all the methed out little twinkies out there these days. Ain’t worth it.
This was a good read. I’ve been with a few older guys in a few years and they’re fountains of knowledge and offer great guidance and the sex is great too but everything has their cons. I agree that like all sub-cultures older adutl males shouldn’t be left out but be embraced because they are great individuals and younger guys can give them a chance they ain’t half bad.
Just what do you mean by older?! Frankly I both like and dislike being over 40. The younger hot guys generally don’t want a guy “my age”. And neither do many of the hot guys close to my age . On a rare occasion I’ve had hot sex with dudes on their 50s. And I’ve had some hot sessions with guys from 18 to 25. Really hot times! The economy being what it is, many guys here have “roomies” and can’t host or are in “open relationships” but cannot host (caregiver here so likewise). For me, if a dude is hot, he’s hot. She is just a vintage, and experience, both in and out of bed, has it’s advantages.
So for an article on older gay men, you post a photograph of a man who appears to be in his mid forties, and one whose physical appearance is well within the body type idealized by many gay men (rippled abs, defined arms, etc). What about REAL “older gay men”? The ones who are in their 50s, 60s, and beyond? The ones who do NOT look like the guy in the photo? The ones that the vast majority of gay men under 50 want nothing to do with? And how do YOU (the writer of this article) know what older gay men are or are not interested in? This little article is patronizing and insulting.
I liked this blog. My older buddies appreciate time I spend with them.
– Many older guys are still very active sexually—str8, bisexual and gay! … Where is the age line after which we would not expect a man to have an active sex life? 25? 45? 65? 85?
– These men are looking for playmates and partners that are young, exciting and fantastic in the bedroom. …. Just as many younger men do.
– They are sometimes looking for playmates nearer their own age. … Just as many younger men do
– Erectile dysfunction may affect some oldsters, but medications available are permitting them to enjoy renewed sex lives! … ED is reported in many younger men as well.
– Many older males have enjoyed long-term relationships with some ending in death. … Just as many younger men have.
– Older gay males are not often as interested in having occaional (sic) hookups … Just as younger men often are not.
Get involved with men of all ages sexually and you quickly find that age is not a determinant in how sexually active or sexually satisfied men are. Read profiles on A4A and other dating sites and you’ll find this is evident as well.
What was the point of this post? It says NOTHING INFORMATIVE. 57 year old here, so I know what it COULD have said that the author didn’t have the sense to get into.
Hi, i’m 26 years old, but people always say that i look younger than my age, i’m not going to ignore that there’s an agiesm in the gay comunity, but the same who want to fight it are the same who create it. your topic is mostly about younger who dont give a damn about older guys, but you dont ask to your self why you want younger to be with older and you are an older guy and you refuses to be with one with the same age you are. me, if you are 27-50 you are my guy, and the best man i ever met in my entire life is 28years old older than me, he made love like a god, he gave me love more than i ever seen. but the one thing i would say, if you want young guys accept you, you must first accept the guys who are the same age like you.
Sorry for my bad english
Love this. I’m a little older now (32) and only look for compassion. Actually, I’ve always been that way. I just don’t feel that hooking up with random guys is a must. I’m patient. I want love. I want commitment. I want consistency. So yeah, I like this blog for so many reasons. Maybe one day, I’ll find myself a good man that wants the same as I do.
You guys give up too easy… when you’re not sexing jackoff. Medical journals have stated that if you don’t use it you will lose it(desire). I get hit on several times a day but I turn them down. I want a relationship and want them to be a bottom whose fem or transgender. My choice and since I’m bisexual pussy is also an option but I don’t really want pussy or the drama. Men have drama too… live life and skip the drama.
As an older Man I have seen first hand how we are perceived by younger guys. Depending on the person, things can go either way. Getting past the age thing it can open us both to bigger and better things. There is nothing better then being with someone that knows alittle something. And I don’t have a problem being taught a new trick, woof woof! It’s gonna happen to all of us, so hold on to your butts.
Hey DARRYL,
“Hold on to your butts”! Samuel L. Jackson! Jurassic Park! Best line ever!!
Being past 50 and basically put out to pasture, I am very frustrated. I live in a smaller rural college town (around 25000 people) and I love to have sex but it very seldom happens. There seem to be a lot going on, but only if you are in the 18-35 year old group. What the younger crowd need to realize is that they will get older someday ass well. I am sure it would help if I was able to host, but that is impossible due to my family situation (having kids living at home and not being out.) If I want to have sex I need to be on the road or drive 100’s of miles to a larger metropolitan area with sex clubs.
I wish there is some way to connect with with like minded people, but sadly I haven’t found it yet. If anyone have suggestions please share.
Today’s generation, or the vast majority of them think they are entitled, hot etc. Well I got news for them. Believe it or not I’m 57 do not at all lock my age. People think I’m no set then 40. A lot of younger guys in their 20s and 30s are going bald and look old or they are just liars that believe they look young. Everyone advertised for under 35 and not a day older especially older guys who are extremely out of shape. Get a grip on your wants. Treat people with some respect and be realistic in your desires. There are the minority of giys who like older or dont care about age, my hats off to them. Its all about mutual satisfaction. And if you have never been with an older man or one who claim “you look hot” in their faceless pic until you find out their age. Your missing out!
As someone approaching older age – I’m left unimpressed with the slew of older guys who just plain don’t like guys their own age. It’s like their lives only have worth depending on how many YOUNG guys they can get into bed. NO SIR! I hereby give you permission to like and attract guys you own age…you are no longer defined by how young your lover is. In fact if you’re 50, there’s nothing wrong with going even older…try a 60 year-old. BE THE CHANGE you wish to see in the world!
If you’re an “older” gay guy but you look like the guy in that pic… call me!
ill turn 40 in two weeks and I’m looking forward to it and I love men older than me and my age group too. stop stereotyping and just love
I agree with John Edwards above.
I’m 56 (57 in July) and other guys find it hard to believe that I have no interest in young guys, but I’m only interested in guys my age. It’s very difficult to find other guys like me, they all seem to be out chasing twinks. And I agree that the photo at the top was not a good choice; it should have reflected what most REAL middle age guys look like. In fact, I even put in most of my profiles that I DO NOT want a guy that looks like he spends half his life in a gym…I want a guy close to my age who has a REAL normal everyday body complete with spare tire around the middle and all…and as long as he’s got facial hair, then he’s a turn on to me. You can keep your twinks, hip-hop music and all. I want to be with someone I have something in common with, like knowing how great the disco era was!
Oh well, guess I’ll just keep searching for a husband.
I used to date older guys regularly until I realized how dishonest some of them can be. I am mostly attracted to clean and attractive older men who take care of themselves and who smell super good. It is unfortunate that some older guys don’t take the time to scrub themselves down and make sure their feet are smooth and their finger nails and toe nails are trimmed neat. Don’t be so lazy guys and don’t have an attitude when we tell you to shower daily and to use a liberal amount of deodorant! Make sure your teeth are clean and your breath is fresh. Take the time to get rid of the excess hair in your nostrils and ears. These things are important to pay attention to because even though I don’t automatically trust older men the way I once did when I do go out with an older guy I want him to be fresh! So please, for us lovers of older men please do not make us have to tell you these things because you will only think we are being a cunt when we do. So clean up your act! We love everything about you guys so do us this favor.
i am a 44 year old man-child who went from dreading my 40’s and that whole ‘gay years are like dog years’ load of crap, to turning 44 in a few months – and not to sound like a vain asshole, but honestly : I am WAY hotter and in WAY better shape than 90% of many 20-30 year old clueless millennials infesting the world… i will proclaim with total conviction that i l even look better than the picture of the elderly but still attractive dude at the header of this farce of a blog — one that continues to give so much lip service focusing on the negative aspects of being a gay man despite the plethora of epidemic and self hating already so prevalent in our worlds; way to go adding to the laundry list of vanity and say fueled issues already imposed upon us from he second we emerge from the straight closet. now, with that said, i’m so glad i don’t fit any of the fucking weird and limiting animal references (REALLY? it is so cliche and just plain creepy), Ergo: i refuse to be type cast based solely on my age… sorry, but NO bear or otter or silver fox here, and i don’t fit that ambiguous ‘daddy’ mold either… sadly, a huge majority of gays seem to need to adopt some tres-lame animal labels to define/validate their age. I will NEVER date or pursue anyone younger than 35 years, and if you are in the 40-50’s, you deserve whatever drama you get as a result of trying to fuck with someone in their 20’s or even 30’s…and that doesn’t even cover the fact that society’s fixation on the young and dumb is supremely pathetic yet ultimately inevitable. i get it: everyone is turned on by the idea of eternal beauty and youth (both being the highest commodities in our little whacked out homo-world) of vanity and narcism we have become conditioned and tricked into falling for, which in itself proves how dysfunctional and skewed we are when it comes to deciding how relevant we are (or aren’t) by letting our birth date dictate our spot on the gay evolutionary chain.
that being said: since i’ve been in my 40’s, i’ve never been so consistently approached by kids 18-24 years old, which at first glance would validate my strong genes and hours kicking ass in the gym, but it’s a total turn-off — that whole dad and son fantasy a shitload of gay dudes fixate on. my preference is more around my own age, as i like men, not boys (especially dudes under 20 years or worse)…that is a totally separate issue — the twink-daddy complex that is obviously a result of growing up without a father figure or whatever else manifests these neurotic and unhealthy mind-sets gays are legendary for embedding into our collective consciousness.
but despite all of the above, the ONE single thing that is a HUGE PET PEEVE: having some out of shape, acne infested, already going bald despite being younger. having them compliment my looks, which is def. flattering, before telling me how i look so amazing — (wait for it…) ‘for your age.’ talk about a back handed complement. so i have no problem telling them they also look good too, but still are probably mistaken for being a good ten years older than they actually are, so they would be prudent to prepare for when their 40’s arrive (i.e.: have fun living with not just the stigma, but the fact that they actually look older at 28 then i do at 44 years, which has to be an ugly reality to face in the near future.
and even after all that, sadly most younger gay dudes only will hook up with someone in my age bracket, and actually thinking that just because they are younger, they get to be some selfish and clueless lover (loser) in bed, wrongly assuming that because they are younger, that they just expect the older dude to service them with generally no reciprocity. that is called “get a clue, go back to sex ed in junior high, and then when they have it figured out that they don’t get to be the one calling the shots due to their status of being (technically) younger, they can take their youth and leave with my parting gift titles: ‘fucking like a real man for young idiot savants’…never had to read it, but the question is: DO YOU?
Now..I think we all know the model in the pic isnt a representation of all older men, right? Lol
Mark Oldenkamp, i could have written your post!!! Verbatim at that. Well said, it matches my experience too. Pitiful that local to me men dont take care of themselves and are either trashy no standard whores or not someone i would be caught with cleaning up vomit. When they dont care about what they look like ir act like, the age doesnt matter either. Ugh, better to be celibate.
Self respect, public image, and health all matter, to me at least, sorry if my standards offend you lazy snowflakes. No, on second thought, im not sorry. Im honest, another trait that matters.
for at least some people (including me), the issue isn’t Age, per se — rather, it’s all about how well you’ve taken care of yourself
those who do complain about “the young’ns are all discriminatory against me *just* because i’m old,” need to remember to query themselves, would I want to [be intimate with] someone who is like Me? repeatedly
All the older men on A4A usually have Hiv/Aids. That is really the stigma surrounding older gay men and their style is usually off beat meaning people can look at an older gay man and tell hes gay. Older gay men tend to be possessive.
“Southern Hospitality” you are RIGHT about HIV/AIDS being a factor impacting the lives of many gay males. Often, it is contracted among young males who have not yet been impacted by the disease in their peer group. More education will never be enough to truly eradicate HIV. A cure is the only solution….although “control” is possible now.
The picture that heads this topic perpetuates the unfair unrealistic expectation that a man in his 50s and older SHOULD look like the model to be perceived as physically and socially attractive. It’s accepted that being “gay” is predominantly a younger man’s game. However, the insistence that an older man devote all his spare waking hours to a gym and a punishing diet of self-denial is poisonous. The fact remains if one lives long enough, one will, too, age. The body and the muscle mass one had at 20 is not the same as one will have at age 50. There’s nothing sadder, more desperate than a 50-something and older gay man who preens and deludes himself: “I’m 55 but I look 35 so I only want to date /screw men who are 18-30. It’s a self-defeating, limiting perspective that robs and diminishes us all.
I am 67 now, and I manage to meet with men from 30’s to 60’s. We all have wonderful experiences with each other. Throwing your self out there and not worrying about being rejected or accepted can result in some very satisfying experiences. Do not concern yourself with those who are not interested, because there are enough who are to make you happy. Just don’t expect anyone to owe you a good time!
Interesting article and even more interesting comments. The fact is that the “older” men of today are mostly Boomers who spent the 70’s having fun, dealing with AIDS in the 80’s, the 90’s with their careers, and the last 17 years realizing they are no longer the center of the demographic universe. They’ve turned around, like many of that generation, and realized, oh my gosh, there are YOUNGER people than us and we, who were the center of the social universe since the years (1946-1964) we were born, are not longer all THAT and a bag of chips.
So…..we now have this “older men are cool” thing — as if older men in the 70’s when you were in your 20’s were something you embraced when they listened to Judy Garland and watched Tea and Sympathy while you did Bowie/Summer and Rocky Horror.
NOT!!
For most of you, this is comeback. The attempt to “reconcile” the generation gap is a cosmic return on the very self-centered age bigotry you embraced in your youth. The only difference is that now you are on the receiving end, and I don’t mean as a bottom, and it hurts.
Boo Hoo.
There is one exception then and now: those who didn’t buy into that temporary selfishness but looked beyond it to the human beings involved. Then, they were the ones who were ok with Garland-Tea and, today, find themselves ok with guys into Gaga-Hamilton who, like them when they were younger, were not self-centered generational bigots. And, in 30 years, the Gaga-Hamilton people today will find themselves where you are.
What you do to the older today will be done to you then because Karma is nasty.
Oh well. Deal with it.
I’m 60 by the way, if you read this far and didn’t flame out in queenie anger at the Truth.
Young gay men are just plain mean and cunty?
Times have changed. I think now, young people are more open to a lot of different scenarios. Back in the 90’s, not so much. There is still that element of young people wanting to be with older men to learn and get experience. Also, because of technology, there is so much more available to young people and older people today than ever before … and ironically, with all this technology and availability, there is still that element of loneliness … and the need to be around real people whether they’re older or younger. I’ve seen this paradigm shift across the boards within the LGBTQ and straight communities.