Gay Stuff : Tips For Online Dating/Hookup
(Photo : ExtraBigDick – Get 50% off here!)
After spending many years on online gay hook-up sites, I believe I have finally learned some rules for successfully meeting up with other men. Gay men are a fickle bunch as a whole and in a perfect world probably none of these tips would apply. Although there can be many more added, following are some of the basic rules for making yourself more marketable online and getting those men to want to meet up with you:
1- Be witty and clever when describing yourself and why you are online in the first place. Don’t say you are online because you are “bored”. No one really likes the idea that they are simply saving you from spending another tedious evening at home and you don’t want him to know the true reasons you’re alone anyway. Be sure not to describe yourself as “down to earth”. Instead of how everyone else might understand its definition, the actual meaning in gayspeak apparently is “high-maintenance”.
2-Learn the correct spelling and usage of the word “discreet” (not “discrete”). The rule of thumb is that anyone that uses the word is cheating on somebody anyway. Nobody likes an ignorant cheater. Look the two words up online and show that you’re an educated cheater.
3-Dump the “bi” description…unless at least one of your last five sexual partners was a biological female (particularly if you are a married man), chances are it’s no longer accurate. Use the beautiful woman/average man test: Go out in public and wait for a really beautiful woman to pass by…as you watch her walking and if an average-looking man crosses her path going the opposite direction and your gaze automatically switches to him instead, it’s a good bet the “bi” label no longer applies.
4-Be honest. Don’t shave a few years off your age and pounds from your weight, unless you are already under 25 and are not more than 150 pounds. Anyone under 25 is always the exception to any rule.
5-When it comes to physical appearance, be careful with the use of the word “average” or “swimmers build”. These days, waist sizes over 40 inches can be “average” and even a whale has a “swimmers build”. It’s all relative. Also, having been forced to play Little League as a child by a homophobic father does not make one “athletic”. Remove any reference to “masculine”. The fact is no one is truly masculine looking with their legs in the air
6- Keep your standards high, regardless of how you look, be sure to only specify that a guy you’ll accept is muscular, smooth, outgoing, young, and of course, attractive. Make it clear that you’ll only accept perfection as far as looks go from the other person. (This is a joke by the way…)
7- Be sure to keep your options open; say you are really looking for a long term relationship but slip in the line “but occasional hookups are ok”. This allows you to date someone and let them know you are serious.
8- I suggest you to have a face pic in your profile or one in your “private” pictures at least. Face pics are important for the other guy to imagine what you might look like as you are making passionate expressions just inches above his forehead. It is recommended the pic be recent and clear. Don’t use old pictures of yourself or one that is either very small or taken from a far away distance.
9-Specify if you are a “top” , “versatile” or “bottom” when it comes to sex and have pictures that reflect that. If you are top and your main picture is your ass, good luck !
So, there you have it. This is just the basics and as time goes on, you’ll probably find your own rules more suited for your own personal tastes. I know I continue to refine mine and will happily report them as I figure them out. Until then, good luck and happy surfing! Let us know if you have other interesting rules and we can add them….
Make sure to also check out our Safety Tips here!
Now login A4A and have a great weekend!
Dave
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on Twitter
Totally agree on the “masculine” part!
Instead of sitting home hour after hour chatting online and being out of shape. Log in to adam4adam mobile on your cell and head over to the gym to workout while you chat. That’s where the in shape guys are and you’ll improve your physique. Be sure and checkout the out of shape guys in the locker room as it’s great incentive to workout harder. Don’t be surprised if one of the gym guys chats you up on a4a after…
Mostly ok, but …
1-Be witty and clever when describing yourself BULLSHIT. Accurately describe yourself. Don’t make yourself out to be anything you’re not by trying to be cute or clever. Keep it simple and clear.
3-Dump the “bi” description…BULLSHIT. If you like to have sex with men and women, be short, concise and honest about it.
6- Keep your standards high, BULLSHIT. You’re most likely not God’s gift to the world. If you’re a regular guy (which most of us are), be that. And be good with it!
8- I suggest you to have a face pic in your profile BULLSHIT. Not all guys can do that. It has to do with their jobs, family, or involvement in social activities. Show your face to guys you get to know well. No one else needs to see it. If a guy has a problem with you not showing your face, pass on him.
I would add ‘don’t have a woman in the picture with you. ‘
And know how you’ll react when the guy who shows up looks nothing like his pic.
These posts are always so single minded and with a “do it my way or you’re wrong attitude”.
Why do you get to the arbiter of how people should live their lives especially in terms of their sexual identify “drop the bi label”. As a bisexual man, bisexuality is my truth just like being gay is yours. I was born bisexual just like you were born gay. In 2016 it is easier to be a gay man than a bisexual one, so why identify as such if you didn’t really feel that way (the same way gay men argue that if it was a choice why wouldn’t they just choose to be straight). And despite what people think bisexuality is not a phase, nor a stop gap to admitting you’re gay. It means my ability to love and find someone attractive is not bound by gender. But just like the people who think trans people should be forced to use the bathroom of their birth gender, you prejudge and make assumptions about people who aren’t like you and try to force what you see as “normal” behavior upon them.
Also discreet can mean that after two dates with you I don’t want you all over my social media or calling my job. I also consider myself discreet because my personal life is just that personal. And while I don’t care if people know that I date dudes, I may not care to share the specifics of what I like to do sexually. The same way that I’m discreet about the number of wineries I might visit in a weekend, or when I’m taking vacation. I’m just a private person. That’s what I mean when I use discreet. I have never cheated and/or asked anyone to be silent when I’m on the phone or not come over because I have friends coming over that “don’t know”. I just don’t think that everyone needs to know EVERYTHING.
It’s really sad how bigoted people in a marginalized community can be.
This is one of the most useless posts I have ever seen.. I disagree with several of these points especially number 8…
Why are u even suggesting such a thing? It is my choice whether or not to post or have face photos in my profile.. If you men on here are bothered by the face that i choose not to plaster my face on this cenue, then may I “suggest” you bypass my profile and move on with life..
THIS is one of the reasons why I have recently changed the headline on my profile… which i am getting closer to removing.. ( not that any of u care)
All of the are really just common sense but thank you for the masculine instruction. I always smirk when I read that because if they truly were and not just pretending then its goes without saying. Also I have never found any guy no matter his size, shape or build look masculine with their feet on my shoulders or otherwise at the end of my penis
Like all the tips except for #3. Straight and gay peeps will never understand bi-sexual because it doesn’t pertain to them. They can only speculate. As a bi guy with 4 kids I can honestly say that a person can be bi. It all depends on the mood or desire you’re feeling at the time.
“If you are top and your main picture is your ass, good luck!”. Well, I see that all the times, guys who refuse to accept that they are versatile or bottom. LOL.
10- Don’t claim to be looking for “only friends” or “something serious” and then have profile pictures that consist of only dick, ass, and body shots.
“Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.”
Nice points, let’s see if it helps.
If you are ugly, let guys know you are ugly upfront. I do! 🙂
Stewie_Griffon
I can agree with 7, 8, and 9 but otherwise it doesn’t seem to matter. My profile states that I’m a bottom and can sometimes be in the mood to top (in which case I’LL approach YOU), but it seems to mean nothing.
A lot of the time, people just see that I’m black and ask me to top them, or, on the case of Grindr, just send an ass pic without so much as a hello.
Great job promoting bi erasure! It doesn’t really matter the number of male to female partner ratio, if someone is sexually attracted to women and men, they are bisexual. We gay men love trying to pretend the B in LGBT stands for something totally unrelated and try to force our own labels on other people. Not cool
No real objections to your suggestions but I’m surprised that you left out THE most important one of all (at least to me)
Yeah , the world is filled with sluts who will jump in the sack with anyone and it matters not a whit who/what you might be to them , but for a lot of others we have defined tastes and preferences.
Nothing is more annoying than reading a profile that , even though the stats given could be factual , the member wastes a lot of time saying nothing more than how great they are and ‘sex’ , sex’ ,’sex’ .
But send a polite message to them and you are either totally ignored or get a nasty response back saying ‘ Fuck off you .. insert anything here .. I don’t do old man , baby , white honky , black , Asian , fat , freckled , red head and etc , etc ‘
Well hello ! If you have those preferences why the fuck didn’t you list them in your profile ? It’s not like you were denied the chance, you know .
And there must be a shit load of people here with at least an unmentioned age restriction (unless 99.99% of members here hide their location) cause I barely get one view every 3 weeks . And no , I’m not a senior citizen by a very long shot .
I stopped reaching out to guys on here over 5 years ago because of the illiteracy .
In my experience meeting guys in the community, none of the them tell the truth, none have accurate pics or stats, none are simply and well spoken, none of them have justifiable “preferences. Once you get done trying to figure out the truth through the lies and exaggerations, who really wants to hookup? Im with Hunter 0500, you spend the time looking for some fun but end up tediously annoyed by the very things the community always whines about, the entire community could find or doesnt know what truth is and is all frustrated because of it and whines worse…learn being badically truthful and honest and mayebe things wouldnt be so freaking painfully arduous and horn killing…in the meantime, i dont hookup anymore as i follow my own advice. Ive got a life to live rather than play stupid games with morons by way of online dating. Do i meet guys? seldom anymore, who can stand the community stuck on stupid and itself. For whats its worth, im on a4a but im not telling what exmil profile it is, but im no ugly lying slouch.
Hunter,
Your right on the being ACCURATE and HONEST about yourself (barring of course if your bisexual, then by all means lie to please ignorant gays and straights alike or live in the box they give in lieu of the closet) but that can and should be done in a witty manner if that’s YOU and you’re able to. Otherwise benyour authentic self is best to find a fit for you.
Yeah enough with the bi bigotry. I don’t know why gays find it so difficult to accept and why there’s typically so much judgement about it. As if its something we chose and are trying to “get away” with something. Just ludicrous. And I don’t need some silly test to determine if I’m bi. I know what I am. Do you need a little test to tell you if you’re gay? How insulting.
@ Marc
I agree that someone should state in his profile text if he is bisexual. Hence, people who are into bisexual men will contact him while those who are not into bisexual men will stay away.
Likewise, he SHOULD state his sexual role: top, versatile or bottom so that people who are not role-compatible will not WASTE their time (and his time) contacting him.
One thing I’d like to add for those guys who are really into the gym. I appreciate that you’re obviously into being in shape and are attracted to guys who are as well. However, I hope that you don’t let that blind them to the fact that there are guys out there who absolutely LOVE a man with a belly. Big guys are worthy of love and attention, too. So, if a big hairy bear or a chub is not what you’re into, then let us know, by all means. But be kind about it. I’ve had chats with other big guys who have mentioned some of the very rude and degrading remarks they’ve gotten from other guys. I’ve been fortunate in that respect. I don’t approach someone who lets me know they’re not into what I have to offer, and my profile clearly states what I bring to the table. It’s 2016…just because folks CAN be rude doesn’t mean they should be. Let’s be kind to each other as we chat, maybe negotiate a hook up or even just a friendship, or if we’re declining and moving on.
Was #3 a joke like #6? If not, it’s extremely biphobic and judgmental. There is no monthly male to female ratio of sexual partners for bisexual men or women. Bisexual simply means being attracted to both sexes. Why would a site for men seeking men advise guys to stop identifying as what they are? Very oppressive.
“Conquistador007
This is one of the most useless posts I have ever seen.. I disagree with several of these points especially number 8…
Why are u even suggesting such a thing? It is my choice whether or not to post or have face photos in my profile.. If you men on here are bothered by the face that i choose not to plaster my face on this cenue, then may I “suggest” you bypass my profile and move on with life..”
Most people would like to know who they’re talking to. Many times have I met somebody in person who looked nothing like they described. With that, I felt lied to & don’t enjoy the time with them.
Soft & Fluffy,
I totally agree with the rude comments people give.
I have preferences in my profile & still people get rude when I reject them politely. If you’re not what I’m looking for, then don’t get mad at me for not being interested.
wow what a bs post
Discreet: also means not going out of your way to advertise your gay or bi orientation. Probably a shock but some men prefer not to use sexual preferences as their identity.
Bi: please get over it. Some guys like to bang chicks too, why do you care so much?
Masculine: would you prefer it read ‘no fems/flamers?’
Photos: some guys have legit reasons for not putting face or other identifiying pics out there. As long as the rest is reasonably presented get over it or move on.
Doesn’t matter what your profile looks like. It depends on your area and it depends on the mentality of that area. I’m a top with bottom tendencies. All the bottoms I get with follow through. Because there are more bottoms than tops here, the latter can afford to be picky. I spent 6 hours today trying to get laid off three different apps and had four tops flake on me. And for what? I took care of myself. This advice on how to conduct yourself in an online profile is both laughable and infuriating. It’s all about pictures. Nobody cares what’s written.
To SouthernboiSB –
Sir, thank you for taking time to comment on what I had to say and doing so in a very respectful manner. I really appreciate that.. While I acknowledge and respect what you stated, I also wish to point out that even those with face photos posted on their profile often tell lies as well.. In fact, I have seen an encountered nmen with face photos posted on their profile, conversation commences and a mutual meeting is agreed only to be hit like in the cartoons when the Acme Anvil was always dropped on the Coyote’s head. The men with posted photos turn out to be no where near what their photos look like.. My point being, while I agree that “SOME” people (see Dave,I did read and adhere to the advice in your recent Code of Conduct blog) do prefer to have a face photo to know who they are speaking with, can one be really certain that is actually the person? Hardly, especially if they are doing what most of the men (at least the ones you and I have encountered) using and posting older photos from years past..
To Nyfreerider.. I agree with you 1000 oercent my friend..especially in your segment on the photos..Why should we allow photos to be the ultimate factor in attempting to connect and build rapport with one another.. If the written content seems pleasing and interesting, then focus on that more and less on whatever or not someone has a face photo in their profile. As you said it, we either need to get over that attitude and move on..
Having said that.. my face photo stance remains unaltered.. We need to understand (moderator included) that some of us like myself value our discretion and dont see the need in posting our faces on here whether public or private (which really isnt private by the way) just to satisfy and please the tunnel-minded perceptions of those who feel that it’s an absolute must to have a face picture. I refuse to adhere to such a suggestion and again if that is a problem with some if you, then by all means feel free to overlook my profile (delete your trace) and journey on about your business.. TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY!!
Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to vent some and express my viewpoint.
And for the love of god, please state your HIV status! There do exist poz guys that actually prefer to hook up with other poz guys, but we can’t find you if you won’t put your status in your profile.
and speaking of HIV status, please don’t lie about it. If you’re poz, do NOT say you’re negative (as do at least 3 guys I personally know about in my town)
OK, one more rant, and I’ll shut up: If you state “safe sex only” (which is commendable) then why do you even bother to put “on PReP” in your profile?