Speak Out : Thanksgiving… And Giving
Thanksgiving this year is a special day for me and persons who relate to me in some special way. I had my 81st birthday this fall and last spring my wife and I celebrated our 55th anniversary. She is now an Alzheimer’s patient and requires fulltime care from caregivers who live in our home. As a bisexual male, I turned to my male sex desires some years ago in the absence of a functioning marriage.
Some A4A members might wonder why an octogenarian needs sex, and I can heartedly say that I have always been a very active male and frequent sexual activity is still important to me! I have always subscribed to the adage, “use it or lose it.” That also reminds me that age is only a number where sexual practices are involved. (E.D. is not in my vocabulary.)
For some years now, I have been providing counseling and occasional financial support for gay and lesbian persons who especially needed assistance. Herein, I reflect on a few persons that I have assisted, and continue to assist. I am especially aware of the following:
- One male-female couple is having the male’s significant male playmate to Thanksgiving dinner so that the playmate will not be alone on Thanksgiving. The female is aware that her male lover is bisexual and she is willing to accommodate his desire to include his male playmate for dinner. (His playmate is bringing some of the food for the feast.)
- One male is recently divorced from his husband and is having dinner with his boss and family on his first Thanksgiving alone.
- One 27 year-old male has a new love interest with a forty-something that is promising for an LTR. The younger male has a son (age 4) from a female relationship—but today is fully out gay. He is also in recovery from a serious drug addiction.
- One male couple is celebrating more than five years together. One of them is white, English-born age 33, and the other is black, American-born age 27. One day wedding bells will toll for them.
- One gay male, age 27, has relocated and is establishing himself in an area closer to his family. Hopefully the holiday brings reconciliation with his parents who have never accepted his sexual orientation.
- One lesbian female age 49, is celebrating Thanksgiving this year without her lesbian mate of more than 20 years. She has a new job and is prospering—although alone at present.
I could comment on more individuals and their relationships, but the message is still the same. Life is to be lived to our final breaths. Make the most of your life daily. Don’t wait for a holiday to tell someone that you care about them. Express your feelings now—not later.
Anonymous
LOVE THIS. Remember young gay men you will be this age one day. This man is to be congratulated. Thank you for this post. A person I would like to be friends with.
Your story touched me warmly. You’re a generation ahead of me, the ones who blazed the trail for everyone. I’m in the same situation as you in that I’m bisexual male with a wife, about 25 years your junior. I make all sorts of concessions in order to make the marriage work and still have my male company. It is a hard life in some ways, I don’t call WHAT the Millennials say, but does have its rewards….security, both mental and financial, no worries about being “alone” all the time, like most older gay men I’ve known since my ‘teens, freedom from “cooties,” including HIV…I’ve done well and have had a good life. I love my wife; she is my best friend, and she more than likely saved my life back in the late ’80s. But the biggest part of your post is the spirit of giving and kindness, something that’s completely lost on the new crop coming up. As we age, it becomes more and more important to value the friendship and well-being of others, and that’s a trait nurtured through years of caring, not just something you “pick up.” Best of luck to you with your wife’s condition and I hope her days have some peace to them, and kudos on living your life not only to suit yourself, but your spirit of giving and caring. Most who read these posts could learn some important facts of life from you.
Beautifully said! Thank you!
I’m all for well wishes for the holidays and all, but I don’t understand the pint of this post? What does a defense of octogenarian sex have to do with thanksgiving?
You listed 6 relationships as examples of people you’ve helped. Their descriptions dont sound like they have problems and you didn’t say how you’ve helped them. You’re just listing people you know similar to the people we all know.
Happy holidays to everyone and all. But I don’t see what this post has to do with that. I’ll I’m reading is “I’m old, I’m still horny, I know some people who date, so be sure to give.” Huh?
AMEN
my ex from a cpl years ago is still with his BF, but I sent him a HAPPY THANKGING txt and he responded, I was surprised he even answered, he was a huge help in me accepting that I am gay…..DDDD
Awesome! Treat everyday as a holiday but when they roll around slow down and embrace life!
Sidd, the last paragraph sums it up pretty well. You might want to re-read it to get the point of the blog post. He also makes a good point that one day we’ll all be older but the desires will still be there. We can all contribute to our community and retain our identity as gay, bisexual, or what-have-you. It’s the spirit of giving that’s the important thing…but it’s nice to acknowledge our older brothers and sisters who still have physical needs as well.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, sir, and everyone reading this. Gratitude in my life works in place of suffering. I have been hiv+ for about 25 years now and recently have not been able to walk. It really has changed my life as I am too proud to share it with many people but instead of focusing on the negative I try and count what I am thankful for; even the small things count. I am so lucky even to be alive. I don’t have any family, so holidays are hard but thankfully friends are in my life. We all are so lucky to have health care in America. I wish love and support to all who struggle through the holidays; it’s a tough time but be kind to yourself. You can do it. Hugs, tusk
Anonymous does a great job of exploding some of the myths about gay guys promoted by the supposed “holders of the gay brand”. Many gay guys do not fit with the age old stereotypes that gay guys are young, urban, trendy, club-attending, diva-worshiping, sexually-free, relationship-free, etc. Many gay guys have little to do any of those.
Gay guys encompass attributes represented in society at large. The only real difference is … they like to have sex with men. Some with men and women.
It’s all about diversity. And acceptance.
This reads like 3 seperate pieces slammed together without thought, throughline or editing. They might be worth reading individually, but together they don’t work.
Do not get me started on guys who use bisexuality as an excuse for infidelity.
@Sidd: Once again…just STFU, OK?
@Einathens: My bi life trumps your gay life ANY day. Fucking intolerant faggots make me ILL. Yet, with you clowns, it’s OK to fuck around on your HUSBANDS, isnt’ it? Hypocritical douchebags…after all, “just take a pill!”
I have been single now nearly 5 years and I am.thankful for what I do have try not too worry about what I do…age is a matter of preference I believe…I generally spend the holidays with the family I have that hasn’t disowned me for being gay and it is kinda depressing at times knowing that I am still alone even though I with those people
We are all blessed I some way. It’s funny that most are clueless to this fact until the holidays. Even then some are unaware. Life is a great gift meant to be shared.
To me thanksgiving is a day of self reflection, a day to acknowledge the blessings of my life. Followed up with a gathering of and a meal of almost obscene proportions.
I’m now in my mid 50’s and I’m left coasting, it has occurred to me that it’s a nice view along the way. Sadly when I was younger I missed the view, I was too busy to even notice it since I was consumed with being in place.
A bit late to respond to Thanksgiving “plans”. How about Thanksgiving Day?
Spent it with a dear friend, his mom, his son, and his son’s girlfriend. Felt comfortable enough to take a power nap nestled in the corner of the sofa after dinner. That’s something I don’t feel comfortable enough to do with my own family members.
For me, that’s a lot to be thankful for.