Speak Out : Bashing, Enough!
(This post was written by a member of Adam4Adam. If you wish to submit an article, please send it to blog @ adam4adam.com)
I just feel really pissed off about the whole “race/preference”, “age” “hwp” and “masc/fem” debates. It is all so freaking stupid, we need so many idiotic labels and discriminatory groupings instead of seeing the person who exists, we might as well live in the world of The Giver or Divergent where we are supposed to let others decide who we are and what we are for us. I’m 24 and have had some many experiences that made me feel so unimportant. I lock my photos because 99% of the time the moment a guy sees what I look like, I get blocked, ignored or bullied to the point where I block them. I know I’m not aesthetically pleasing by most people’s standards but I have feelings hopes and dreams.
A guy I spoke to once said to me, “Wow, you’re ugly and fat, choose one struggle.” then blocked me. Like have we become so desensitized to the fact that we are still people on the other end of the device that we can just treat each other like garbage and not expect that garbage to be reflected back at us in our daily lives.
I apologize for my rambling but it is shameful how far we have fallen and then wonder why we are treated the way we are by the mainstream, we create our own image and then it is replicated. If the mainstream sees a bunch of bitchy, shit-talking, bratty, promiscuous, “shade throwing”, weak willed, drama queens (nothing against actual queens) then they will base characters around that. If they see a community found on some level of decency and decorum then so too shall the characters be that way as well. Not every gay character has to be the “sassy gay” or “fashionista” or “the gym rat”, we could have characters that have more depth than what they wear, who they screw or how they carry themselves on the outside.
I guess what I am trying to say here is that we need to learn not to be interested in such trivial things as the physical form because at the end of it all the body wastes away but the heart, mind, and soul will remember what the skin has long forgotten. You can’t have gorgeous house and put nothing of substance in it!
Calyx
(Guys check out this youtube video below, it is in alignment with today’s topic. Dave )
Straight men are attracted to physical appearance more than substance too. It’s not a gay thing. It seems gays are constantly playing the victim. Life isn’t fair period. And anytime a gay man encounters that fact he whines that its because he’s gay.
And also seems like some hypocrisy here. 99% of gay men are not fit and beautiful. Look at any gay bar anywhere, it’s not a pretty crowd. So clearly the “ugly” guys are also only interested in the hot guys and rejecting the other “ugly” guys. And then whine that nobody likes them.
The world doesn’t owe you a hot guy. Attraction is not a choice. Just because you feel you have substance on the inside doesn’t mean anyone is obligated to get a boner for you. Learn to live in the real world like everyone else.
The hatred and unkind behavior and attitudes towards others isn’t just exclusive to gay people. Just look around the internet. It’s a cesspool of hate. While I think your general thoughts are admirable this problem has invaded our entire culture. Another thing that must be pointed out is look at how gay people treat anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Look how they go after Christian businesses simply because those people have a different opinion. Having a believe that is different doesn’t mean they hate gay people. My point is this problem of how people treat each other is a huge epidemic in our society. Lastly, if people don’t find you attractive then they don’t find you attractive. There is nothing wrong with that. Im not going to be with someone if I find them unattractive physically. That makes no sense. The personality and the appearance go hand in hand. Just like if someone is incredibly attractive but ugly on the inside isn’t going to be someone I want to be with. Relax dude.
You got to love yourself regardless of your physical attraction or lack of. You can fix your appearance but you can’t fix foul attitudes. This is a Sex Site plan and simple and should be viewed for what it is. So pick yourself up and enjoy who enjoys you fuck the rest wishing you All the Best.
24Kplay
There is no reason for guys to be rude and insensitive. Unfortunately, they were not taught by their mommies and daddies and other significants how to be civil in society. Is it really so difficult to, as Ellen DeGeneris says at the end of each show, “be kind to one another”? Just yesterday, I got a blow job from a nice young man who after swallowing said a heartfelt “Thank you.” So nice to find a young guy who swallows, and has manners.
DUDE REALLY!!!
We aren’t all born with the GORGEOUS GENE or with the sme senseof morals. Thats what make us all different. There is good andbad in everthing.
We as gay men and women have fought hard for our rights which we now have. Now I’ll sit back and wait to see what we do with them. MARRIAGE..HAHA…most of us only know how to play house. We dont know the word MANOGAMY OR ITS MEANING. And dont care to learn. We hunt and search for THAT SPECIAL ONE. then after a brief honeymoon if not during, look to enhance what should be held as a great gift to an OPEN RELATIONSHIP or just wanting toadd iin others for SPICE. You can only change what you can only change what you can. If you are over weight ..lose it. If you are bald or balding. Embace it.or get an implant or buy a rug. Bad teeth .see a dentist. All in all do what you can to improve yourself as much as possible. .But my best advice to you would be to learn to love yourself as much as possible. If you dont or cant love yourself how in hell can anyone else…AND FOR GODS SAKE..QUIT WHINING……FROM ONE TROLL TO I GUESS ANOTHER..PEACE BROTHER
Sidd, just the purrfekt example of why gay society is so shallow, superficial and narcissistic. You are the problem not get solution, embrace not alienate. Open your heart is n addition to your zipper. Kindness as and karma are real, coldness and your “attitude” passing fancy. My guess is 20-30 electronically wired not a grateful to we who walk the walk andmade Stonewall and Milk matter.
Calyx, you sound like a very intelligent man and that is attractive. All I can say is, if you don’t like something about yourself, then change it (by exercising, changing your wardrobe or hairstyle, etc.). Within reason, do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself. I am double your age and have been on gay social websites for many years. I’ve seen the same pretty face pics on here and have watched those pretty faces fade in time. Those same pretty faces are on here 24/7 and have not found that perfect mate. Lastly, I have some gay and straight friends that I am not attracted to physically, but they seem to be having the time of their life. Get out there in the real world and don’t spend your entire life searching for someone through social media websites.
This is not to gang up on you man but just treat that guy or anyone else with his lack of common human decency just like you treat a big TURD. Wipe your ass stand tall hit the flush handle smile and move on to the next..because there will be more..Gay men are cruel and self centered as you know. Just know that karma is a very ravenous bitch..assholes stink and always will. He will get his!!!!
It sounds as if you live your life according to the opinions of others. You need to accept yourself if you want others to accept you. People are allowed to have preferences, which should not be labeled as discrimination. Now, if someone is messaging you just to insult you, then that person is just an asshole and you needn’t bother wasting feelings or emotions on them. Block them, report them, whatever… But don’t get sand on your vagina over it…
Want to be in the world of gay men? That how it’s always been, how it is now, and how it’ll always be. I’m not saying it’s “right,” it’s just how things are. THe difference today is the Millennials don’t get their “instant gratification” (or a trophy for being a fuckup) and they whine and complain. In my day, we just understood that’s how the game’s played and deal with it in a way that works for us. Sidd is right, too…it’s NOT just a “gay thing;” I know this because I play for both leagues. Quit whining, you’re NOT going to get a trophy, buck up and be who you are. Just because reality doesn’t comport with your view of the world doesn’t give you right to redress about some perceived “injustice.”
I guess that I have to agree with Sidd although I can be a bit more delicate!
STRAIGHT and GAY men are, for the most part, driven by physical attraction it seems. I think that putting your pictures on a site like A4A or other such Anonymous “hunt” sites makes you fair game for poor mannered and/or ignorant men who would probably not have the guts to say derogatory things in public. You see what’s here and you need to decide whether or not you wish to be a part of this community where “HWP”, dick size, age, color etc are certainly being considered!
It’s cowardly but certainly easy to insult someone anonymously so get a thicker skin or find a better place to meet men! I have made many friends on sites like this, friends with whom I have never had sex. I have had great sex with men that I met on this and other sites and I have met men that I have never seen again after a first quick meeting that went nowhere.
There are great men here and there are assholes here JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!! It’s just easier here to be rude especially if you are one of the assholes.
Don’t put up a profile if you can’t handle what you might get back.
Sorry to hear this. It is a way of life. People are hurtful. They don’t care. I too have had the same things to happen to me. I am not fat I work constantly to keep my weight in check and my looks I don’t have much choice. I get comments from young and older nice looking guys how handsome I am…and some on the reverse. All in how we perceive ugly…handsome. ..HWP or that ever hang up they have toward you. I seldom make the first attempt. I have been turned by guys older than myself. That is fine. The pond is still there. One day I hope to get lucky and find me a fwb. Yes I have kissed a lot of frogs ass. Robbed…and had a gun pulled on me. I am still here. I have not given up. Brush your feelings off your shirt sleeve pull up your big girl panties and strut you stuff. For the record I am bi married and proud of it.
In a bizarre morbid way I wish the author of the post had included his name so I could check out his profile.
I find most people see themselves far differently then others see them.
I never take a shower with the lights on no matter what time of the day or night. When I get hit on and a guy wants to suck ou my seed, I really have no issues with his pic or even if he has one. Let’s have the reality, anytime you can get naked and have someone next to you share life’s greatest pleasures, it’s a treat.
We strive for acceptance from those outside of our own community and yet within that same community we are shallow, thin skinned, demanding, rude, selfish, and those are too often the high points.
Mr. Right is a mirage, Mr.Right here or right now is a more realistic catch.
It’s not as if I don’t have some personal standards, DDF, a pulse, a sense of sanity and sincere willingness to meet are all great things to look for.
NSA means NO strings.
All men, Str8 gay or bi, are hard wired for looks. It is in their genes. Men are physical stimulate by sight. This is y they want the pretty guys. However, once they have them they are generally on the the next. I look at it I have a lot of offer, not a “pretty” guy but I have something more important……. a brain and I can say no to them also. We all need to get over the looks thing and just “take it all in stride” There are plenty of fish or men in the sea
What a mean, nasty, vicious comment that was. I may be wrong but it sounds like someone that’s good looking or just not happy with their life. I use to weigh 300 lbs but now 204. Ive experienced more hatred from other gay men than from others. Some men I’ve met that were not the best in the looks department have been the most romantic and loving. In bed wow. So it’s unfortunate we gay men judge someone by how they look. It supposed to be what kind of person they are, how they treat other people and how they conduct their lives. Not what comes out of the hole in their face. That’s how I look at people. But of course most of the time you’re not going to be given that same grace.
There will always be people that do not like you. That is just reality. If you spend your life concerned about keeping up with the Jones, you will miss out on many things. Nobody likes rejection, but it does and will happen. Humans should be secure in their own identity. Like driving down the road and you encounter construction zones. Just find another way. The world would be so dull if all us looked the same.
To Buzzy. Wrong. I cant be an example of shallow gay society since I’m not gay. I would think with all your judgemental pontificating you might have avoided such generalizations. Anyway, you clearly didn’t understand a word I wrote. But it’s hard to tell since your post is an incoherent string of typos and auto miscorrects. If you think people are supposed to chose to have sex with people theyre not attracted to then I can’t help you. But you may enjoy yourself if that’s what you chose to do. And that tired cliche of stonewall references like your some soldier that paved some way for others is ridiculous. Every generation thinks kids today have it so easy. It’s typical geezer speak. I’m not impressed.
So I feel like comments justifying the rude, disrespectful, unkind, malicious and hate filled comments just because “straight men do it too” are unbelievably pathetic. A few thoughts:
1. Gay men seem to only be concerned about how big your dick is, how tight your hole is, and if you swallow/breed or not.
2. We can be so shallow and shady to each other and treat each other like shi t, and then complain about why we are single, and find anyone.
3. We yell and scream for equality, tolerance and acceptance but let a Christian stand up for their beliefs!!!!
4. Gays can be so revolting to each other that it’s actually fucking sickening.
Again. Another issue that has nothing to do with being gay. 20% of people great; 60% are fine; 20% are mean or arrogant or just assholes. I always go into a first contact or meeting assuming a person falls into either the first or second group. If they’re in the third and respond as they do, that’s their loss. I will be happy not to be in their life and not to have to frustrate them when I don’t live up to any expectations or requirements they may feel entitled the have about me. Happy to spend my life interacting with and the investing in decent good folks. It has worked well for several decades now.
It takes all kinds to make the world go round, and there is no accounting for taste. I am a bigger guy, though not that big. I have always had body image issues, and was always made fun of. I made a mental switch and started accepting myself for the work in progress I am. Making that mental switch, others seemed to start accepting me for who I was. I have never been someone who was judgey of other people, I have always tried to find the person behind the mask. And I found a man who has been absolutely wonderful to me in every way. In fact, tomorrow is our anniversary. And he happens to be tall, masculine, muscular, and oh so sexy. That’s not what made us connect though. His heart, artistic side, and beautiful mind did. Some people are assholes…if that’s who they are, move on. Find yourself the right one, not the right now
Men / Males / Guys are at our cores, are cruel.
There are exceptions, but in general, the human male
is a treacherous, calculated, mean blooded bastard
of a species.
I think given the oppression that same sex oriented
men go thru in this fucked up world, there is a sense
of naive hope that when we are with our own kind that
there is a safety to be found.
Sadly, that is not the case.
Males are thoroughly preoccupied with looks.
Handsome virile faces, chiseled muscular bodies,
huge penises, etc.
When we don’t like what we see,
If we are unevolved, we will pull those pathetic tactics
descibed by the user in the post, like sending a cruel
message then blocking the person that they sent it to.
Completely PATHETIC.
If you haven’t won the genetic lottery like others
have, i can’t think of anything else to say except that
not to take too seriously what some asshole tells you
ahout how they think you are.
Be yourself. If you feel the need to improve yourself
either by changing how you look or think then do so.
But don’t do it to gain the approval of someone else.
Do it for YOU.
While I agree with you to a certain extent and by no means do I think what the guy who messaged you did…that was very rude indeed. However, I have to disagree with you. As much as I’d like to think its a gay…maybe its pretty prevalent in the gay community…this happens in the straight community too, and not just by straight guys, but also straight girls. I am sorry, but I look back for as way back as I can and even in school, I was never then popular kid. Girls didn’t want to talk to me. Yeah I am gay so I never cared about getting girls’ attention, but the fact is, girls in general didn’t like me much and instead went after the good looking guys, the strong ones. Yes our society is superficial, yes most people care about more about looks, but that’s how it always has been and you can whine all you want about it about but its never going to change. Even before I came out and started meeting gay guys, in highschool and university, girls wanted good looking guys and active and social guys. I was a quiet one and didn’t get people’s attention. As I said earlier you can bitch and moan and yell out how the world is unfair but it is and it always has been. The gay community may be a bit worse, but honestly, that’s how it is everywhere else.
My advice to you ? Be the best you can be. I’ve seen many guys who were meh in school and years after I saw them and they were buff and well educated and all that and I felt “holy shit!”
Lets not kid ourselves. Looks matter and even Organizational Behavior discipline says 2 of the many sources of power are Expert which means being knowledgeable and all that and another one, forgot what its called, but it is about looks and how you present yourself. So work on this. Be successful in both channels: career and education as well as looks. I am not saying to go through plastic surgeries and all that, but if there’s something you don’t like about yourself, do something about it, do the best you can do. Yes we do age and pretty faces age too but we also have a choice to take care of ourselves. You can choose to sit down and bitch and moan and let time take care of you and you end up blaming others, or you can go to school, get a job, focus on skills, focus on being a social person, network, learn to cook, exercise, be fit. Some people work some place for years to get a higher position. Others go to school for years for a degree. Exercising is no different. Nothing is any different. You want to learn a language ? You want to work out ? You want to start your own business and be successful ? You want this ? You want that ? Guess what ??!! Just get up and do it rather than saying how unfair life is. Yes, you may not end up on Men’s Health cover, but that’s not a bad thing and that doesn’t you shouldn’t try.
Men, straight or gay, are attracted first by sight. It is the way male humans are wired. That doesn’t excuse poor etiquette on A4A, but we all know it happens. Be thankful that the assholes show themselves early with inappropriate responses, and move on. By all means, if you don’t think of yourself as at least average appearance, you aren’t. It comes across even in two dimensional e-space. Confidence and masculinity can make the most marginal of men, worthy. Just don’t be a jerk.
Every time I read these comments on a blog post, I get further and further alienated from the whole gay scene. Same shit, different century, but NOW we have a generation who doesn’t give a damn what mine did (Yes, Sidd, the “TIRED STONEWALL REFERENCE AGAIN”. So…fuck you guys. I’m tired of paying for your fucking HIV meds, when I did the right thing as Morris Kight opined in 1982 and “…conquer(ed) his disease THROUGH (MY) BEHAVIOR.” Screw the whole buncha ya…I’ve had it. Let the fucking right wingers butcher ya….see what I care. Oh…you didn’t KNOW about that? Fucking vapid losers….
While I find this to be a sensitive topic I also find it to be an annoying one. Bottom line is that this happens the world over. Gay culture straight culture why does there have to be a divide? People are attracted to who they are attracted to. Being that this is the internet let’s face it everybody is shallow. All you have to go on is a picture at first. That’s what gets you to click on someone’s profile. If you like what they wrote you write them but most people don’t even bother to read that. You see someone that physically attracts you so you try to engage them. It happens at the club the bar work school or on the street that’s how our instincts work. The base instinct is to procreate. Even attractive people with substance want someone attractive to be with. It’s just how things work. To be honest if it bothers you that much set your bar lower or get off the site or specifically talk to people that are only looking for friends. Granted most people on here want attractive friends too so that way when the opportunity for sex arises they will jump on it.
LF is totally right. Who are you to complain? I doubt you can say youve never been cruel to people. I doubt you’ve never been ignorant or said ignorant things or celebrated ignorant decisions. Get over it, you’re no prize yourself as a human being.
Honestly that’s why I’m still single. I’m damn good looking and I have no trouble getting anybody I want, but most gay guys I’ve met are consistently ugly and hypocritical on the inside despite what they look on the outside. And judging from what you wrote you’re no different. You love to play victim like any other guy. But you’re just as judgemental. I would not be surprised if many times you’ve been rejected just for your poor personality. So instead of whining, go improve yourself as a person. You’re right, looks will fade but your ugly personality will always remain.
It seems to me that a lot of posters have missed the point. If someone is not interested, then fine but at what point is it ever okay to treat a total stranger like shit? Seriously, I see it so often now just walking through places like West Hollywood. Completely unprovoked, you get the most awful things said to you in passing. In what world is this civil? And since when is calling out bad behavior “whining” (GOD, find another word, please!)? I think Calyx brilliantly hit the nail on the head: How can we as gay men, women and trans people expect anything approaching civility and dignity from the world at large when we revel now in eating our young? Honestly, too many of us SHOULD be ashamed.
There is a saying, “You can’t tell a book by it’s cover”. The same is true about people. I have never turned anyone away because of what they look like. And as a result I have been in some uncomfortable situations and at the same time I have made a lot of life time friends.
Those of you who have basically told Calyx to ‘get a life and get over it that’s the way it is’ are missing out on life. That one person you make fun of or bully, could be your soul mate.
To use your own house example from my own perspective: No one wants to go into a crappy looking house to find out if it has cool stuff in it.
As for the labels thing, look at how our community has split and labeled itself.
Gay, bi, straight, trans, bear, otter, cub, twink, queer, gender queer, 2 spirited, pansexual, asexual. Just to name a few of the many we are using now. Labels are essential to the part of us that identifies what we are dealing with externally. Would you go into a grocery store and buy random cans of stuff with no label?
You have to work on yourself if you feel like you are unattractive. We all have superficial preferences. Whether it is age, race, height, weight or even how hairy you are. (I personally won’t have sex with a man old enough to be my dad, ick!)
I’ve had guys that weren’t into me, it sucked, and I got over it and moved on. People have become so thin-skinned with the silly PC movement, they have forgotten how to handle any negative input in their lives. It happens, its going to happen and no amount of “oh poor me” whining or blaming someone else with name calling will change that. And, no one is going to give you an honorable mention consolation prize because they aren’t into you.
Complaining about your body and your life isn’t very appealing to guys either, by the way.
Oh, good Lord! Can we just have someone in charge somewhere decree that it’s no longer permissible to whine about how unfair life is? And while we’re at it, let’s banish the talk about how gay men are much meaner than everyone else. If you think gay men are the meanest, you don’t know the straight women I know.
Fact: Virtually all living creatures rely on vision as their first means for evaluating their environment and whether other creatures are allies or threats. Since the beginning of the human race, individuals — not just males and not just females, not just gay and not just straight — have evaluated the appearance of other humans; it’s how we are hard-wired. Millenia ago, when life was simply a matter of survival in a harsh world, taller, muscular men were recognized as abler hunters and defenders. Women with wide hips and large breasts were recognized as most suited to childbearing. These best examples of the human form were universally preferred because their characteristics offered the most assurance of survival on an unfriendly planet. Also built into our brains are the metrics that define what is a beautiful or handsome face. This became relevant when tribes developed into cultures and leaders emerged.
Our cultures have evolved and our environments have changed over thousands of years, but the programming in our brains has not. The selection process that takes place in our minds, based on visual input, will probably never change. We may as well accept this reality about humankind because it’s here to stay.
Fortunately, other factors, including learning experiences, shape our individual preferences. This guarantees hope for everyone, regardless of how they look. But to become attractive to others, you must first become attractive to yourself. This may mean changing something about your body or changing your mind. Summary: You can’t change the human race, but you can change yourself. That’s what you should work on.
as an older guy, I get the occasional unsolicited insult too. but the only person you can change is yourself. just like in a job interview, one tries to make oneself attractive (ie, do you have what they are looking for?). maybe that job isn’t right for you, maybe it is… life is like a constant series of job interviews. good luck with it all!
Wow…one long poor “woe is me” posting. Get over it, you will not appeal to everyone and no one is obligated, no matter how many SJW and the sick Political Correctness police want it, have to be nice to you….grow a personality, get a life and get over it… there is no law or right that says you have the right to not be offended..im offended all the time by whiners masquerading as men, for every little hurt feeling they have…you are lucky to be breathing and alive. Grow the fuck up.
I have not had such a negative experience and those who have not cannot imagine how a person may feel. I am so disappointed, yet not surprised, that so many of you who replied with the advice that Sidd is whining and he should just ‘get over it.’ There is NO excuse for rudeness and being inconsiderate of other’s feelings…it really needs to stop. So is this the same advice that you would give some young person who is being bullied? How would you feel if you gave someone this advice and they committed suicide? Nevermind, you would probably have a stupid response about that.
Most do not understand that there are people who are miserable and have emotional hurt with not even a shred of hope that life will change for them. Why not encourage guys to be more considerate of other feelings. One day your looks and body will change…how will you feel when someone react negatively or say something nasty to you? I get alot of messages and offers from guys on here and I always respond and I also let them know I am not interested in a nice manner.
For the last three years I have spend time with two young ‘straight’ Middle Eastern guys. One is 19 and the other 24…we do everything together, except sex. I am old enough to be their grandfather but they, their classmates and family don’t have a hangup about age, race and looks.
They treat me like a king, showering me with attention, gifts and true affection.
So sad that this has turned to a ‘sex site’ and it’s difficult to meet a mature, respectful guy who is also considerate of others. Unlike the quality time that I spend with my young friends, most guys on this site are only looking for a late night, quick, meaningless sexual encounter when they are horny. Must have a great body and looks, it doesn’t matter if you a jerk, egotistical, and a lousy partner in bed. My sexual experiences are not with guys on this site but mostly with young professionals that I meet while dining, shopping and traveling. Some are gay and others are straight who wants to experiment. Also, please know that I do not approach these guys, they approach me.
The gay community desire respect from society yet fail to demostrate respect and compassion within the community itself. It’s time for a change.
Hardtop, I’m older. Way older. 76. I was on the patio of a gay bar with a much, much younger friend when someone made a scathing remark about older gays and looked straight at me.
My friend said, “He’s a Byzantine Monk…not in his habit tonight. Have a little respect”.
The people he was with crowded around me and the guy making the insult skulked away. I had a fascinating chat with a philosophy major that he was with.
Karma is indeed a bitch sometimes. LOL
MisterFister: It’s your attitude the young people dislike. They don’t owe you a bucket of horse crap in the respect department, because you haven’t earned it. For gawd sake give that tired excuse Stonewall a rest already. Gay men extorting money from closeted straight business men, is NOT something to get your “pride” feathers all worked up over, and young people are aware of this. You were young and made your mistakes. Now another generation is going to make theirs. Your piss poor attitude isn’t going to change that. What we are reading here, is a majority of gay men getting butt hurt by their own shallow community that they helped to create..and that includes you. Attraction spins the wheel, and no one is attractive forever.
kudos to your friend Byzmonk !! that gives us all hope !! and to you guys who don’t get out-of-the-blue, unsolicited hateful insults for no reason except someone sees your profile, and spews bile at it, it DOES sting. It can take some time to get over if you are not in a good place. the interweb is an anonymous and sometimes hate-filled place. just block it/delete it and move on is easier said than done sometimes, but it can be done.
Stonewall, right. To all those who keep waving stonewall around like some virtue or sacrament that you suffered selflessly in order to pave a way for a better world for future generations who should be grateful: Bulllshit.
What exactly is it you’re claiming to have done? You were simply born in an earlier era and dealt with being gay then like everyone else, just as everyone born in this era deals with it in the current climate. Maybe you went to a few rallies or signed a few petitions? BFD. So has everyone.
Or is it you think you suffered more than current gays? That may or may not be true but why would that require gratitude from future gays? Makes no sense. Gratitude for what? Being gay?
It’s all nothing but self importance, finger pointing, and playing victim. The very qualities you presume to ridicule in today’s younger gays, and the same thing all old folks say about having had it so tough. Get over it. We don’t owe gratitude to that generation for gay rights any more than I owe gratitude to my grandfather for television just because he lived in the era of radio.
I have blocked plenty of guys on here and it does really hurt. Most of the time, it happens after I send them a general message by only saying hi and how are you. Guys the have the perfect body and look for the same are completely shallow. I know that I don’t have the perfect profile and photos, but it hurts being honest about myself. I live in the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale area and not much look on here meeting guys.
scott0882
Some gays don’t get that if it wasn’t for the battles and cracked skulls that came before them…they’d get arrested and be thrown in jail just for being in a gay bar. Raids were frequent.
You can now enjoy dancing, etc., without worrying about handcuffs and a paddy wagon that can show up at anytime.
That isn’t quite the same thing as showing a bit of gratitude for the invention of television.
Byzmonk I understand the history. Please explain what the gratitude toward gays of that era is for. What service or act was performed by all gay men of that era that resulted in freedom for people today? Simply being gay then isn’t a service, nor a choice, nor a selfless act.
I’m sure there were some activists that were courageous and led the movement. But I’m talking about the grumpy old men that sit online expecting to be thanked for having lived during stonewall. What’s that for?
I have read a lot of comments on this subject. All have their points. It’s like many have said, you have to accept it and move on not rolling around in guilt. “It is what it is” simple as that. I’ve been told throughout the years, you are too old, too young, too heavy, too thin, too tall, too short, not the right skin tone, dick not big enough or too big, not good looking, too good looking, too busy, etc. etc. All that matters, I have to feel good about myself and that’s what counts. You can have the biggest dick or the prettiest ass, or very good looking. If the chemistry is not there it will not work no matter what. Even just meeting for friendship. However, unkind words should never be exchanged.
Would it help if they showed you the scars from their stitches?
There is one kind of treatment in a gay bar…another in a straight one. It would perhaps be good to find civility in both.
My friends are gay. I really enjoy their company. They go to gay bars. I wish they’d go to straight ones from time to time where it’s always nice to be treated as a human being….with or without gratitude.
When I’m dressed as a monk in a gay bar, I’m treated in a civil manner…when not, treatment changes. Perhaps if you live long enough….you’ll get it.
Byzmonk, no, you haven’t answered my question. Not even close. In fact it seems you’re intentionally avoiding it, suggesting you don’t have answers. And you’re off on tangents now that seem nonsensical.
I’ve lived quite awhile already, in fact I may well be older than you. I think I pretty much “get it”. On more levels than you know.
Hey maybe my reply to this article may shine some light to your concern on the topic
Sidd, I’m 76…and I don’t expect “gratitude” for anything. But since you don’t know who should receive it for what they did, and who shouldn’t, probably civility towards everyone should be the norm, not the exception.
Some of my much, much younger friends aren’t “pussy’s” and are very, very protective of me. Dis-respect me, and you’re liable to get thrown across the room and find a hand around your throat…regardless of my protestations. Seen it happen.
Since no one knows who does or who doesn’t have friends like that around them, it’s probably best to treat everyone in a civil manner. It takes very little effort to do that, and can save on hospital bills.
LABELS ! They are everywhere in human culture! Why do we use them ? Well to start with we both have a duality such as male and female gender and feminine and masculine energy or hormones,Pairs and or groupings. labels have become essential to humans for the basic need of understanding, identification and to distinguish one thing from another. in the “gay community” we can see this in the examples of LGBT which stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered. Many people understand why it is important to have these categories among the masses, mainly because people would much rather have a way for others to have a basic understanding of who or what they are or chose to indentify by in the “lesbian world” no to lesbians are the same we have butch for the masculine or more dominant one, we have the lipstick or so that’s what I’ve heard. Point is not to lesbians are the same there are sub categories for purpose of identification and distinguishing which is which. Gay guys have this as well, from masculine to feminine, the famous role of guys in intimacy such as top, bottom, or versatile. To be frank I actually like labels they allow us to see how diverse we are and what better to know that even though we all human not every each human behaves the same. If you don’t like labels perhaps insecurity to be indifferent may have gotten to you, be happy to be a misfit in turn you created your own category. remember nothing in life stays the same or is constant the only consistency in life is change, so in turn these categories will either grow or reduce in number but rest assure it won’t remain the same.