A4A : Updated Profile Pictures
Hey guys, hope you all had a great weekend?! Today’s post was written because of an experience I had this weekend. For few weeks I’ve been chatting with a guy, we traded pictures, called each other, talked about everything, from what we like, our friends, family and dreams. The connection was great from both sides. This weekend was out first date.
Friday night, I made a reservation for dinner with my date, so he got to my place first for a glass of wine. The door opened…. pwa pwa pwaaaaaaaa….. He was not the same guy! Shorter, older, skinnier. Why? Why hide who you are? Why lie about your height, weight and age? Why sending pictures that are from 10 years ago? Why send photoshopped picture?
If you send pictures that are not representative of who you are, when you’ll meet guys, they will for sure be disappointed. I think it is important to be true to yourself and true to others. If you are 18, why write that you are 26? The guys you will meet will automatically know that you are not 26 in your first conversation and he will be disappointed. Same if you are 50 and you say that you are 37. Simply tell the truth and everyone will be happy. You will meet guys that WANT to meet you based on your real profile/pictures and you will most likely have a great connection!
Think about it 🙂
If you want to update your profile and pictures on A4A, simply click here!
Dave
What happened? Did you slam the door in his face or were you polite and invited him in? That’s c4azy.
How did you handle your disappointment? Did you confront the man? Did the date procede with the date?
Many of you want to know what I did. I’m a nice guy (even though some might think I’m not). So yes I proceeded with the date.We talked, went for dinner and all. But we didn’t had sex. I felt bad coz I know he liked me a lot and would have liked to have sex. But I mentioned to him days before not to have expectations, cause it is not the first time it happens to me. So I simply told him after dinner that i was very tired, and it’s true, I was… and I never drink alcool and we had a bottle of wine so I was very tipsy.
I don’t understand the fake picture thing either. If someone is using A4A to meet others, and uses fake or old pics, what does that person think the other guy is going to do when they finally meet? Just don’t understand the lack of thinking on that one at all.
Dave, how did you handle the situation?
I wont fall for that pic line again. if youre gonna have me over for sex then we will have to skype first. last time I played that pic trade thing, I got stuck with a skinny white boi with a bubble ass. child puleez. I like bears and men with meat. what the hell am I gonna do with a skinny white boi. like dayum.
Dave, I agree fully with you. It’s a real turn-off when you meet the person that you were talking to, only to find out that their picture was from years ago, or stolen from on the net. Honesty is the best policy, but I gather not for everyone.
I understand why guys do that. It’s simply to increase their chances of hooking up. And, obviously, it works. However, when you ultimately come face to face, what do they expect will happen? I have had that happen and just refuse to do anything. Then leave. What did you do, Dave?
gottohavit : I did have dinner with him, he is a great guy for sure. But sexually, I was not attracted.
Not everyone falsifies their profile. However times do change. People age. I don’t take new pictures of myself every week and update my profile.
I have recently gained a few extra pounds. I have gone through a beard, goatee, and now a mustache, But it’s all me. I’m still the same person.
When I’m chatting with another member online. I’m into the conversation with the man. Not the picture posted.
Yes I try to be honest about my self. I don’t lie.
I feel more comfortable here on A4A than I do on Craig’s list.
But I guess it all boils down to, “Buyer beware”
Truth in advertising. I’m not caught up on looks or age but damn, be what I am expecting. The more free and honest a guys is with who he is — a what you see is what you get type of attitude is a real turn on for me. If you’ve got a good rap and if you make me laugh you have a real solid chance of getting my pants off. I know it can be a hassle to update pictures but if you have drastically changed, say so before we meet. It also annoys me when physical attributes are exaggerated. If it’s a night I feel like being next to a hairy body, that’s what I searched for and expect to get.
Only question I have is if he sent the real current pics in beginning would you have continued talking to him
Martin: Maybe not, but at least I wouldn’t have lose my time
Yeah we have all had that happen to us. What’s surprising to me is you used this site for a “date”. Take a look around and tell me this is nothing else but a meet and fuck (or not) site…. It’s not eHarmony – it’s eFuck.
That said, I think none of us will play or much less have fun with someone who tries to fake their appearance. Frankly pic or not – old pic or not – I cannot say I’ll do ANYTHING til I meet a guy and vice versa. Had plenty of hotties with total shit personalities and plenty of older fellas that I had toe-curling sex with.
Just sayin,
Matt: yeah maybe for you it’s efuck, for me it can be something else. I’m sick of fucking for fucking.
I have been dealing with the same isht year’s before I even jumped onto A4A. It was on this phone chat line, which made it easier for the cat fishers (way before the show), to come around on a late night, and just because I forgot to correctly sign off, I guess they thought they could come around and just have a late night session, even though they got caught in a big juicy lie. Now, you would think, or would hope that these same people, would have learned not to still be doing the same thing. Come to find out that the same people that were doing that a long time ago, and are still doing it on A4A with fake pics and profiles. What is even crazier is when I catch that these same dudes and still doing it, even on a site like A4A, they still have the same stupid look on their face as they did a long time ago. My whole thing is that other than me using a nick name for A4A, everything on my profile page is mosdef the truth, no reason for me to lie. You get in what you give out. WILL THEY EVER LEARN?
The goal was to go on a date with you. A percentage of people will just run with it rather than saying no.
I have up to date photos that are no more then 3 months old as I think everyone should and as someone mentioned about facial hair changes IMO I think if your appearance changes then you should show the up dates, And as for Skype I am not a big fan of it because of the info you have to supply to get an account and plus the fact that it doesn’t work well with satellite internet whish is the only option I have for internet other then dial up. But I will agree that an updated picture should be there before a meet. I have met someone that their picture was from years ago and I flat out told him he doesn’t look anything like his picture and he was at least 50 pounds heavier then his picture and then I left.
I always include the date my pics were taken in my profile. It had been over a year since I had updated mine and I hope all of these trips to the gym have paid off. LOL
Guys always ask for few pix not one face/body pic only. Second don’t waste your time to book a table for dinner or something like that with a person that you have never seen b4. Third if you suspect in someone profile pix and you agreed to meet up go downstairs if you live in the building or wait for him out on the street if you are in a house, don’t just open the door and then boom a shock.
Cheers
My rule is, photos posted and shared should be of you and taken within the last 12-months, MAX. We all know this is going to happen and you just have to put up with it and move on. I let my dates and hookups know, if our looks change at the door, then it’s over. I don’t contact guys on here when I know their photo is several years old or their age has never changed. If they contact me, I will respond with “update your photos and age”. It’s always the same excuse, “I still look the same”, or they send me a nasty response and block me. Men and women all do it, just to get what they want and it will never change.
I fudge on my weight a little, but when it comes to pics and the other true facts I tell the truth. Had a similar experience with a guy. When I arrived at his place, he was NOTHING like what his profile indicated. I just turned and walked away.
the bad part is some look much older than what they really are, im a Latino im 36 but have lost a lot of my hair (runs in the Family) making me look like im in my 40 or older, and people think im lying about my age which im not.
I update my pics every three weeks or so…and, yes, they are actually pics of me taken by me. Guess that’s why I’m never offered a hook-up!
It’s interesting to read the comments on here with everyone saying they want people to be honest and all, but the reality is–at least in my experience–that many guys want a fantasy. If you are over 40 (hell over 35 in lots of circles), you’re considered “too old” for many, despite how you might look. I totally understand a guy saying he’s several years younger than he really is if he could easily pass for that age, for example. What difference does actual age really make anyway?
As far as appearance and old pics go, I see both sides of it. Lots of guys just want to chat and see pics and have some fantasy of the guy on the other end who is saying he wants to have sex. You know the type who will say they want to meet but never will make it happen. I have talked with a guy on here numerous times who will be all hot and heavy but never close the deal.
I think part of the thought behind a younger or thinner or beefier photo is that the guy figures if you like his banter, and you meet up for sex because you’re both horny, then there is a chance your horniness and the convenience of opportunity (he’s there and has an hard-on!) will override any disappointment based on age or weight. I mean, we’ve all been there right? Post-sex regret when you realized you lowered your standards or expectations to have sex with someone just because you wanted the connection (or maybe the adrenaline rush?) that sex can bring.
So while honesty may be the “best policy” in most cases, surely we all have an expectation that anyone with whom we are chatting online is at best just a “best representation” of that person and probably not inch-per-inch (so to speak) the guy he represented himself to be. Hopefully both parties are more-or-less honest and the chemistry is real enough to have a sexy, fulfilling encounter if not a “relationship” whatever that may be for the parties involved).
I may not pursue a guy whose picture I’m not attracted to. But always regardless of looks, I’ll chat with a guy who hits me up to see what he’s about. Ok, not guys who are from overseas, under 25, or who are seeking things that are off the wall.
I have had someone post my pics, and then try to me. it was kinda weird.
Pics are pics. The guy shows up and you don’t like then go your separate ways. No harm no foul. I do, however, keep a tape measure handy and will kick a guy out if he dosen’t measure up to his stated stats.
can post all your likes or dislikes and you still get people you don’t want hit on you. chat about stats, etc., NEVER rely on pics alone…and yeah, i have said a few choice words and slammed the door!!!
This story for some reason pisses me off. You made a connection with a nice guy and chatted with him over a duration of weeks. I understand the disappointment of him not being physically what you expected, but as gay men we have to get over ourselves and this obsession with looks. Obviously your lonely on some level or you would not invested so much energy in communicating with him and building a connection. At least give him a chance, These days almost anyone can look like a model by way of gym, plastic surgery or whatever. But jerks and asswholes take forever to fix. Give me a nice guy any day. Happy Hunting!
Wow! I guess I am looking at this from another point of you. You yourself said you clicked on so many levels. It was all good till you met him at the door. I think that is a little bit shallow on your part. If you had such a great rapport why dis the guy because he wasn’t a male model. Geez, gay guys are truly superficial. Damn.
roger : shallow no, I simply have specific tastes. If I’m looking for sporty guys that are fit and you get to my house skinny like a chair bar, then it won’t work. Or if you like fit guys and then an obese man shows up…. It’s just logical. Sexual attraction is very important
Dishonesty is a deal-breaker, and that includes bogus photos. I’ve been in this situation before. I drove over an hour to get to his place (in Southern California, that’s not too unusual). When I got there, a much older man met me at the door. His photos had to be at least 20-30 years old. (Never trust scanned paper photos.) I was firm but polite: “I’m sorry but I’m having some trust issues because you don’t look anything like your photos. This makes me uncomfortable, so I think I’m just gonna go.” And I left. Simple as that. I think that was about as polite as he deserved. I certainly don’t have time to waste being over-polite to someone who lied to me.
And in case it needs clarification: Staying and having conversation, drinks, dinner, and/or sex with him would be “wasting time being over-polite.”
What you see in my profile is who I am no need to lie about yourself. I been there see a pic on -line and meet no way. I am pride how I look and my age.
I have had a similar experience here on A4A with a guy who looked 40 something in his profile picture but when I got to his place he was 60 something years old. Needless to say it was a total turn off and I left.
I noticed a profile on here of a 50-something yo man which has a pic of a 20-something yo buff muscle stud that I saw on a porn website. I’m guessing he is using that pic as a conversation starter, cuz it’s quite obvious it’s not a pic of him. But yeah, using old pics or pics of someone else is an automatic No from me.
Ive never posted a fake pic, and have been 97% honest about my weight; it comes down to insecurities. We all have something about ourselves that we are insecure about, what it is and how much affects us depends on the man. Overcompensation definitely tops the list.
I have met a man or 2 who have posted a pic that was OLD or distorted, once I got to know the man inside, made a better decision.
A friend of mine in Chicago terms it: Internet Inches..meaning he subtracts 2 inches from the measurement of their penis.
Bottom line: I am NOT Dave. Be who you say you are both in your words and in your picture. It is not about “updating” your pics every 2 weeks or less; it is about telling the truth. Looks are subjective but lying is dishonest, Period. I am 50 years old and my profile says so; because I have a cell phone that can take pics and friends who will take the pics my current pics are at most, 2 weeks old. If you do NOT wish to do this then do not be surprised when you are rejected and/or sent home.
#ThatsAll.
lol, funny happens a lot here, most profiles say they’re muscular with a nice bubble ass, 8″ dick and so on, once you meet them is so disappointing that in my case of being bi-sexual I always think that going back to straight will be my best decision to make, however, I made good chat buddies here and yes I hardly ever meet with other men, I actually leaning more towards of being more straight than bisexual
I do not understand why guys do that and know it happens everywhere, but have never had it happen to me here in NYC. However, I went with a buddy to Ft. Lauderdale last Winter for a long weekend. I met 4 different guys from this site and all 4 of them were exactly like that! Their pics weren’t 10 years old – they were 20!!! And they were not skinny – they were fat! It seems to be the norm there and they all lie about their age by at least 15 years. My buddy said “this place is like a Queer Nursing Home”. So I guess in different parts of the country it is worse than others?
What about the topic of having someone show up and not be the race he claimed to be in his picture?
Wow srry to hear that this acually happens . Y fib about any of that . Not a good way to start a relationship or friendship !
It happened to before. He told me his height, weight and he said he was good looking with his ling fat dick. His description that he tols me was very nice but when he arrive to my place he was the opposite of what he mentioned. I opened the door but i talked to him in a nice way that i told him he was a liar about himself. And ibtold him am sorry i cant have you for you are a liar and he just turned around and left.
I’ve had that happen a couple of times. One guy was so far off his description, not just his age and weight. I stayed at the bar where we met up for about a half of a drink and just got up and left.
I was pissed he had lied and wasted my time.
All the above comments are why I prefer to meet in public. I tell them it gives us both an easy out if we want it. If there is no attraction or if the pictures don’t match, we go our separate ways.
I hate to say this but it seems a lot of gay men seem to suffer from some sort of mental disorder living in some world of denial. Its the same as when guys hit up a profile that they clearly do not make a match for (even when the profile clearly states not to message if you don’t match what it says. Its as if they are living in some sort of fantasy world of their own making where what they want superceeds all reality of the situation. Sad. Very, very sad and pathetic.
i dont say hi to anyone if their profile states no pics no chat….cuz i dont have pics to share…sure i have pics but i WONT give them to collectors anymore. 99.8% of the lil boys on a4a j/o to the pics without any intentions in hooking up. isnt this a hookup site? define: hookup means meeting in person for whatever it may be…mainly sex. why are the pics that important, am i meeting ur parents? ok i will if ur daddy is willing!!!!
conclusion…. yes misleading isnt good for anyone but why do boys put so much on the pics rather than the man himself?????
The situation with profile pic vers in person can be a problem in most ways. Even more so if you are meeting someone from the “Pros” section. I’ve met guys in public, in their homes, my home and had mixed outcomes. Some I’ve met were older than they say and some younger which could be even scarier legally. Some profile pics not at all doing the person justice making a nice surprise too. The guys in the “Pros” section definitely need to keep their profiles regularly updated.