Speak Out : Gay Apps And Meat Market
We all know that all the gay hookup/dating apps are increasingly popular in the world. Why? Because it facilitates contacts between gay men and this is how we communicate in 2015.
But you will probably agree that there is a difference between spending time on these apps to meet guys and spending hours and hours searching for cock pics and talking about sex. Social media got very popular on the planet but while Facebook requires a sense of transparency and accountability, sex apps allow us to operate under the guise of anonymity. Making us a bit like sex zombies without human interactions where users are like players of a sex game. Vulgarity, rudeness and spontaneity has become normality.
Of course many gay men are already tired of what the gay culture has become. Some of us became robots:
“Hi”
“Face pic?”
“Ugly, bye”
I think we all need to be careful and treat other guys like humans instead of virtual sex robots. We are not meat, dicks, asses, sluts, we are men! Let’s have fun, yes, but keep in mind this post next time you chat with someone!
Dave
While I agree that the way we communicate on these apps can be a little abrasive I feel like the rudeness could be avoided if guys would actually read what is on a profile before contact. Also it seems that because of that male ego that we all have sometimes the only way to get your point across is to be rude especially after you have been clear that u arent interested. I also feel like some gay dudes are to sensitive or just cant handle rejection well. All in all people are going to do what they want to do and its not always going to go the way u want. Grab your balls remember you are a man and move on
There’s no reason to expect people online to be civil with each other when the culture at large seems to be losing its civility. That said, I do expect people in this community to be a little more open-minded, which isn’t always the case.
When i get a message from someone without pics and without description i find that very rude, specially if the message is “horny”. No i’m not horny for a ghost! Other than that i’ve not encounter much rudeness personally.
For the past few years i’ve been soooo busy with work that i just had no time for long discussions on these Apps. I would try to keep things as short as possible (pics? description? when are you free? etc) which is kind of rude i admit. Now that i’m less busy im much more civilized 🙂
Dave you are correct. Manners are missing in our world today. We are all humans and we are all alike. Sex between consenting adults is a beautiful thing. I think, the late Janis Joplin said something like in one of her songs.
Agree at least in part with Blkgordito, it’s just plain in general a sad sick “culture”. It’s what our “capitalist” money-is-everything “culture” has brought us to. Doesn’t have to be this way, there are Western-European countries that haven’t let thing go this way, studies show clearly they’re better then the U.S in every way. Puts to LIE the whole Murican-ceptionalism bull$hit.
I find it ironic that a site that’s all about trying to make it quick and easy for guys to hook up for rumpy pumpy has a blog post about guys cutting to the chase with a few choice words. It’s almost as ironic as having SeanCody porn on the post a couple of weeks ago that was about how porn is evil and makes you do drugs.
mecocklover : drugs? Wow, you definitely were on some serious shit when you read that post! I suggest you read it again.
Get real, Dave…all your “app”, and the others, are about is slinging bareback porn. Disgusting lack of social responsibility there, DAVE. As far as “social media” thing goes, it’s a curse the youngsters can use to be as obnoxious as they want with each other. I don’t meet anyone of yours or anyone else’s site anymore at all. Dopers, rude, stupid…who needs it? Fahgeddaboudit!
MistrFistr: Yeah I’m not surprised. Everything we post here, you’re against it. Try to be more original!
Could not agree more
Civility is probably a utopian goal for any kind of dating app, given that the whole enterprise tends to be dominated by looks. Conventionally attractive people will always be able to get away with behavior that would be considered rude or stalker-ish if the person is only “average” looking.
You have an excellent point…except I’d clarify something. We’re not just talking to “men” – that word comes with connotations and ideas of what a “man” is and isn’t…and to many people a “man” is only someone who is looking for sex 24/7. Too many people forget they are actually talking to human beings. Regardless of what someone has in their profile…These apps have really given people a way to wear their prejudice on their sleeves…don’t talk to me if you’re Asian…or Black…or Go F*ck Yourself if You’re Gay (**really??**). Be open minded – have conversations with people (aka human beings) and have fun. People use apps to make themselves feel better by putting others down and it’s really just sad. #1 Get to know people #2 Make judgments about them later. Side Note: And yes prejudging someone based on race is racism – by definition. Prejudging people based on age is Ageism… It’s time for people to own up to their discriminatory qualities and make some personal choice-changes.
Interesting that you should blog about this today. Last night I was talking to a guy on adam and we were talking about how cruel and vile gay men are and apps and websites like this only brings out the worst in us.
The gay community should be one of support, brotherhood and lifting each other up but all it has come down to is sex. Which, like you said, nothing is wrong with but we must treat each other like fellow humans, brothers, friends and not just objects to satisfy our current desire.
“Vulgarity, rudeness and spontaneity” : Aren’t those the norm for A4A? They certainly are in my experience.
The internet is a cesspool of hatred and ugliness. Why should these sites be any different? I agree it shouldn’t be this way but when no civility is found anywhere else it’s doubtful any will be found here.
Gay apps and meat market—is there a difference? I must admit, that is a bit harsh–I have met a couple of nice guys. There is never a good reason to tell someone they’re ugly–it’s insensitive and demeaning…..and also a very UGLY attitude, that, IMHO, most of the time stems from an overweening arrogance, which is far more repulsive than any physical flaw. Let’s face it guys, we are not all beautiful, at least to everyone. There are personality traits, that are most definitely a turn on for me…like honesty, kindness, oh and then there’s the toppers like good grammar, intelligence, sensitivity, and the ability to talk about something other than sex. Just my opinion though–please feel free to tell me if I’m wrong….
Living in small town USA it is hard to meet people and god forbid I lived to be in my 50’s so now I’ve been told I’m to old and I won’t approach anyone if they are younger if they don’t say that they like older men but no need to put in you profile if your old don’t msg me or I’ll block you so fast How rude can you be and guess what all you young boys you will get old remember karma it’s the shits
Here! Here! Couldn’t agree more.
@Andy That’s the way it USED to be, pre-AIDS. Then, after the inital outbreak, we pulled together and marched and protested…and many kept dying. After awhile, around the time AZT showed up, it was every man for himself. There IS no “gay community” anymore like there was back then. Post-AIDS/meds gay life sucks, and I don’t participate in or support it anymore. But you’re right…these sites do bring out the worst in gay men, to their own peril. With the attitudes prevailing today, it’s only a matter of time before there’s another backlash, like we got after Stonewall…and these dizzy bitches won’t know WHAT to do. Remember, they don’t have a Harry Hay or Morris Kight or any of them to lead by reason..just a bunch of methed-out fools who want porn…which the sites supply in bulk quantities.
I don’t get it what’s wrong with a little civility. Yes, there is “cutting to the chase” to get to a hook up but being rude just for the sake of it is unnecessary. TL goes on about being a “man” and being “to sensitive” (spelled wrong it’s too) but that’s bullshit. People have feelings just because you have a penis and “balls” doesn’t mean you have to suck up someone’s negativity and pretending it doesn’t matter is just an illusion.
It amazes that this site even has this as a topic. We are individuals we like what we like and that’s just it. Like I said before some of you dudes are just to sensitive. I’m not naive in my view of the world and understand that everyone doesn’t have too and will not always talk to me as i think they should so i move on. At the end of the day we know what adam and sites like it are mainly for and if you aren’t clear on that perhaps you should try getting off your ass away from your computer and going out into the real world. Nobody owes me anything off of here and i dont owe them either as adults we have to learn that it’s not always going to be your way.
gay community has not evolve at all, they discriminate more among themselves than straight community…I don’t believe gays should be proud of being gay they would have to be proud when they learn how to treat people with respect and dignity. The reason gay community gets discriminated against it is because they still don’t have a clue of they really want and are.
After spending some time on gay apps I can see why people don’t like gays. Not saying all are bad but most I have encountered are.
How can we expect civility and diplomacy online when it doesn’t happen in real time? Society as a whole is not great. We need to have a cohesiveness that will take years to build
well iam gay extremely picky…..lov a hot gay man,but seems to be a lot of fat ugly guys on sum of these sites that cant get a girl,evan if they had the money to pay them…. so they go after guys like me,i try to be polite,but…..sum of them just don’t get it
Gee, guys, you can be “picky” without being an asshole. In fact you can probably get through your entire life without being a jerk, prick, asshole or douche bag.
As for the assertion that a4a promotes bareback pr0n, so what? The vast majority of the profiles in my city list “safe sex only” as a criteria. Either many guys are lying (or have shifting standards) or the presence of bareback erotica doesn’t have the medical/social impact that some commenters ascribe to it.
That all said, I agree that common civility is missing from USA culture in general and to see such reflected in our micro-community is not surprising at all.
@Reece We USED to have it, post-Stonewall and pre-AIDS. But the time the late ’80s rolled around, we’d lost it all. Ask any veteran. BTW, the new movie, “Stonewall” is a bunch of crap…boycotts and protests are already forming on Facebook, etc. Some Hollywood-type decided to rewrite history.
The majority of gay men are nothing more than spoiled little brats who want what they want when they want it, and when they don’t get what they want when they want it they throw a hissy fit.
Oftentimes even when you give them what they want they still aren’t satisfied. I find it odd we call ourselves “gay” when the vast majority of us are so miserable we aren’t happy unless others are miserable too.
The issue of problem connections is really one of shopers. The number of guys I’ve developed great relationships with on this site and one other over many years far outnumber the arrogant, selfish, self-centered asses I’ve encountered. Avoiding these asses is relatively simple. Regardless of their “bubble butt” or “hot body” or “hotness” or “dominance”, it’s more often than not easy to see who to pass on. “I’m a very good looking guy looking for same” or “I want my cock sucked by a hot guy prior to giving him a good pounding” with no discussion about the partner’s satisfaction are clear signs that the experience is going to be one sided. Hey, maybe some guys want that. Good; their choice. But many guys are looking for a two way street.
The guys I’ve done well with have all been willing to chat before a rushed “Mr. Right Now!” meeting. They’ve also taken time to express how they function on the workbench, what they like and what they not looking for. What play skills they bring and how they like to be played with. Mixed in with that discussion is always a lot more information that reveals their qualities as men.
And there have several guys that after chatting, it was determined we had a no go. MOST of them were civil and polite about it. I’ve been happy to let the few who were rude about it go on about living their most likely miserable pissed off lives.
I disagree with assertions here that sites are cesspools and all men are pigs. Most guys are fine. It’s a “buyer be ware” world, however. “If he looks or acts sooooooooo great out of the chutes and adds excessive assertiveness or bravado to the equation, he’s probably an ass.” If you’re worth a hill of beans yourself, you’ll invest the time to make sure the guy who gets you, deserves you. And you’ll leave the asses out in the field continuing their hunt.
First, Ollie should marry me… intelligent man… just sayin… Some of the comments here are quite interesting… and the hypocrisy of this being on A4As blog didn’t escape me either… though I suspect Mr. Dave was really trying for a big gay online “kumbaya” and maybe didn’t choose the right angle of phrasing
When I get unsolicited messages from guys I have no interest in, I either thank them politely or ignore them depending on the tone of their message. If they become pesty, I block them. These are people you have never and, by choice, will never meet. As someone said earlier being contacted doesn’t automatically mean you owe that person anything. If I get no reply from someone I’ve contacted, I simply don’t bother them again… or if they say “thank you” and don’t open their pics or show any other interest, I assume they are politely saying, “thank You , I’m not really interested”, and again, I simply don’t bother them again.
If a profile has a list of dislikes or requirements to the point I don’t respect that person, I simply don’t contact them.
If someone contacts me with no pictures or detail in their profile, I simply conclude I couldn’t possibly tell whether I’d be interested in them, so I delete the mail and move on…
I don’t really see what there is to get so angry about considering a lot is in your own control… I also don’t get why of all the complaints, there were very few offers of how to deal with any of them.
There needs to be an online etiquette guide (like “Thank You” as a sole response to a smile=”No”), and things would likely be a lot easier to communicate… sure some people will ignore it, but I bet most would get the joke pretty quickly…
The real problem I see is that sex like everything else in the world has become an item on a menu that only takes a point a click and maybe a bit of travel money to obtain. With all the other flavors of men available if you don’t like your initial choice, real relationships could become a thing of the past… Having had one incredible one for decades, and now being an active single guy in the online gay app community, I definitely would like to have just as much relationship as I do sex, but have to struggle with the fact that sex is simply so much easier to order up with a few clicks right now.
BTW… for the record, I have met a serious number of very good looking and decent guys who I’ve kept in touch with for years, some 10 or more, after getting to know them through online chats (and yes in most cases also slept with multiple times). There are a lot of great guys on these sites, just not the majority. Its a matter of getting to know how to weed out the flakes
I am generally considered pretty civilized and sociable. I rarely respond to these app contacts in anything but ‘normal’ decent language and tone (ok, maybe sleazy and sexual). However, when my profile clearly states a general age range(18-40), and a general weight range(HWP), and clearly state NO pay4play/Fun4Fun only….and then get a 72 y/o, 289# guy that sends $$$$ signs at me I get a little pissed. To make it worse he said, “I know it’s not what you wanted but I’m kinda horny today, want to try?” How should I reply? Some guys are as annoying as fuck and require more pointed language. Can you imagine going into an appliance store to buy a TV and the salesman says I know you want a TV but I’m gonna push this refrigerator on you today. There is nothing wrong with stating your preferences in a clear, polite manner. As long as you don’t say ‘no fat fucks’, or ‘no old fucks’ or something like that. When you go shopping for a car the salesman expects you to do a little advance selection–no sense in wasting the Mercedes salesman’s time if you want a Honda Civic. Targeting is a normal human pastime that saves time.
Honestly ,the state if society of today especially on a rock in the middle of the pacific ,,,most cant or dont know how to have a face to face conversation, even in the local clubd 90% of people are chatting on grindr or something similar and the guy could be 29ft away ,,,i dont use those apps unless I am away from my town and for good reasons why, 99% of the men who are on these apps are shallow ,arrogant egotistical asses ,,! I would not waste my time or energy on them
Sure ,absolutely sex is awesome provided that its enjoyed by those involved
Livivng on an island ,if you have sex with one ,you have had sex with all of them ,wouldn’t live anywhere else but the gay men are “sad” at best