Speak Out : Chubby And Gay
(This post was submitted by member Roadtown, if you wish to submit a blog post, send it to blog at adam4adam dot com)
I am a young man from the Virgin Islands and I have been battling with my sexuality for a while now. Two reasons being 1, I am from and live in the Caribbean where people are so homophobic and small minded and 2, the worst, I am a chub. I’ve always been a fat/chubby kid and over the years it became very imminent that i was gonna remain that way. No matter what I tried it just wouldnt go away. Luckily I am VERY handsome and look way younger than my age as i got a nice baby face. Im 26 but look 17. I got a nice butt as well. I am also on the tall side so it kinda helps.
Unfortunately majority of the guys out there seem to want a model as their boyfriend even though he may have the worst attitude. I get it, I love to see a nice sexy guy or one who is well lean and built. But they way they treat us chubs as we are all is so wrong. Its almost like we are poisonous meat. Luckily in my years of exploring my sexuality I did come across some guys who appreciate like me, just wish it was as much as those with the nasty attitudes towards us. Hopefully I will get me a good guy who appreciates me the way I am.
Everyone has their preference and I respect that but it does not mean we should be treated like outcasts. Some of us have so many battles to deal with in regards to our sexuality the last thing we need is our brothers treating us like dirt. We’re suppose to be in this together.
Roadtown
Google the phrase ‘gay bear.’ There are dozens of sites catering to the hundreds of thousands of men fetishizing guys like you.
You can’t change everyone’s mind about what’s considered attractive, but you can change one mind at a time by being yourself.
Seeing as I am the other end of the body type spectrum, I can’t pretend I understand. I don’t. I love being skinny. Its kinda hard to always remember that some thinhs are out of ur control. There is this dude on my TL who adores chubby guys. When we chat, I always be like ‘are u for real???’…lol.
If it helps, just keep fit and keep being cute. I know a lot of my Country fellas like their partners with some grabbable flesh 😉 In fact, lots of Nigerian gay guys always are like “If I have to eat frogs, I’d rather have some pregnant with eggs”. Revel in ur body type. Someone loves u when u jiggle
Gay men are the worst they never help each. Over jealious ,back stabbingjust unreal toward their brothers in the gay world and add hiv to it god u. Are lost. for sure then why do we have to treat each other like we do when the world hates us already so unfair
I know that feeling way to well I’m 22 and people tell me in too fat all the time and I’m 6’2
When you accept who you are and love who you are then I think things will get better for you! Not all of us think that’s chubs are outcast .. I’ll take a nice goal oriented chub guy over a worthless muscular guy any day .. GOOD LUCK
Doesn’t matter where you live,,, 99% of ALL men worldwide want the thin, young model to play with or to be in a relationship with. I understand they have their preferences, but DAMN. Sorry to hear it is so rough for you. Some men (very few) do like “gay bears” though. Check it out.
I agree that there are ALOT of assholes & jerkoffs in the gay community. Just ignore the haters & focus on being YOU & Mr.Right will be in your life in no time!
And PS even if you were thinner you’d still more than likely get rejected by the stuck up “model” types. I’m not saying that to be rude but I’m slender and I’ve been ignored lots of times by the cute model types. But it is what it is. You just keep looking and be patient with these types of things.
I am teed at some of these replies. Why is there an assumption that this chub (or any chub) for that matter, is a bear? Bears and chubs are not always the same things, nor are they always attracted to each other.
I understand the chubby thing. I’ve always been on the chubby side, and it’s hard to find guys that are into it, but they’re out there. I can’t seem to find anyone close by where I am, so I’m waiting patiently until someone who likes me for me comes along.
I can understand where your coming from in the fact that most guys want a certain type of guy to find attractive. I will tell you that I used to be a big guy I have lost 149 pounds in a year and half. It has not got any better either way so Wheather your a chub or a bodybuilder I have noticed that it never fails someone will always find you unattractive. The only thing that I think that Eurks me would be the fact that we’re all adults if you don’t find someone attractive TELL THEM don’t just make an awful statement and block them. We are on here for most of the same reasons you are just let us know we will move on right after you let us know.
If “the majority” of gay men only want model-like guys, why as a middle aged far-from-thin guy am I having more and better sex than I ever had when I was younger and hotter? I’ve cultivated a group of buds over the past few years that I play with regularly. Not a one of us is “hot”. What we are is great guys who like great friends and great sex. Glad to have them All in my life.
You’re right, but also the way that chubbs treat other chubs is pretty horrible too.
I feel you pain. I to an chubby and unfortunately the guys I’m attracted to are not into chubs. I do tend to sway and don’t mind a little flesh. I have had the occasional hook up with cute twinks that like chubby bears but that is rare and I got the usually “sry not my type”. That’s on the nice spectrum I do get the guys that say “not into fat” then try to say it okay to be insulting be cause there are just being real.
I love husky good looking men oh yes are in shape exactly
Honestly I like bigger guys it is more to hold onto. I am not a fan of bone thin guys it is really a turn off for me. My ex was a very big guy just solid with it and I embraced every inch of him. Gay men can be cruel its not about looks. Love is stronger than pride!
“I am chubby, but I am gorgeous and tall and looks way younger than I am”! What’s your issue again??? LOL!! Really!!
Sometimes l feel as if its a job interview iam full in out,when l try to chat with some guys
Filling
To Hell with the titles Bear, Twink, and the rest of it. Love yourself and the rest will surely follow. There’s someone for everyone out there. Nothing is consistent in this lifestyle it’s ever evolving so do you.
I’ve pretty much given up the idea that I’ll find a partner and have a gay ol’ time because of my weight. I’m not super huge or anything, but the fact is as someone pointed out 99% of gay men want guys who look “the model” way. and it doesn’t matter how much you “love yourself” they all will always want that one body type.
You could be the nicest, most kind-hearted person, and unless you’re packaged in a “height/weight proportionate” shell it doesn’t matter. Which is sad. They’re more ready to be with a miserable bitch just cuz they fit the size, but it is what it is.
Hey man, relax and be yourself. Confidence is a bigger turnon than those “pretty boys” who think looks are the bottom line. You’ll find that when you are comfortable with yourself, you will attract partners. If they can’t accept you as you are, you don’t want to be with them anyway. Good luck to you.
I went on a low carb/high protein diet and lost 65 pounds. Some of the poundage was lost more than once. Now at 150# and 6’0, I’m getting plenty of hookups.
To me, it’s a matter of setting goals and working toward those goals. If you don’t like the way you look, then change it.
I’m glad you’re getting “hookups” Michael, but how many of those hookups return? Anyone can get a lot of random one-time hook-ups. After awhile when none of them return you’ll realize it’s because you have to lose the “poundage… more than once” and it shows in your skin. Cheers though on all the random hookups…. *eyeroll*
It never ceases to amaze me what some men will put up with just because whomever he is with looks good. Some will let their partners treat them like crap and think they have go put up with it because the partner is a looker. Well, my opinion is, “if it don’t look good on the inside, it don’t look good on the outside”.
I’m also a chubby guy and I go through the same thing when it comes to dating. You just can’t let it get you down and you gotta tell yourself that you are sexy and if those guys don’t want you, then it’s there loss. You also have to realize that everyone has there preference bunt they really don’t have to be a dick about it.
I do feel your pain , even seeing I’m 6’2” and 178 pounds but in all honesty , if you were 100 pounds lighter at this age what you’re experiencing now would be what you’re going to discover when you hit your later 40’s.
It seems almost everyone wants the model or the under 40’s
Nothing wrong with a guy with some meat on his bones. Better than sleeping with a fence post.
It’s go my experience that a lot of gay men like chubs. I’ve even been rejected vecause I didn’t have enough meat in me and I’m already kind of meaty. Just be you and let your personality shine through. People love confindence and self comfort. Trust me. It gies a long way.
As someone who is a chunky guy, whenever I see “no fats” or “obese stay away” in profiles, it’s dishartening. At least I revel in the fact that these men are totally shallow and have the personality of a dishcloth. But we can’t all be toned jocks. Love who you are and if you want to change, do it for yourself.
Love comments that tell someone to lose weight and work toward that goal, when the original post didn’t mention a single word about trying to lose any weight.
If you can’t help someone feel better about themselves, or give any useful advice, where they are at and AT THE WEIGHT THEY ARE AT, then why do you even bother? Go volunteer to be a personal trainer somewhere else.
Not once did he say that he didn’t like the way he looked. Read the words of the post, instead of interjecting the memories you have of not liking yourself.
Why don’t we just tie all these body issues together: old, chubby, hairy, small dicked with a dirty ass. (Alright so the dirty ass doesn’t really fit with the others, but there seemed to be an awful lot of chat about something that for most men who engage in anal sex is pretty damn obvious). Look around there is someone for everyone; we just aren’t in the same place that person is when we need them.
Write “I accept myself as I am” on some paper and place it on your mirror(s). This really helps you feel better every single day.
Find the BEARS! Cubs, Otters– there is a wonderful happy welcoming community of guys who’d woof when you walked into the room. (that’s a good thing)
I’m an executive chef with nutritional training- try eating more often– smaller meals and snacks. Don’t do the big 3 meals- it’s horrible for your metabolism. Never skip breakfast. Drink more water. If you want to get more lean do the following…
(although you’re beautiful just the way you are)
Cut your carbs wayyyy down including sugars. Say goodbye to potatoes for awhile… any bread that isn’t whole grain, sugar sugar sugar- it’s in everything these days. Cut the sugar and milk out of your coffee- great start. Only have pasta 1x week unless you’re athletic. Keep a food journal and track the nutrition online- great websites and programs for this. You’ll be suprised! Even cutting salt way back helps as you retain water with too much sodium.
Sample Menu…
Breakfast- Oatmeal, Yogurt, Fruit
Snack- Nuts, Vegetable sticks with healthy low fat dressing or hummus.
Mini Lunch 1- Salad… lean protein if any. (Grilled Chicken with no calorie heavy sauce) Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar, load up on veggies! Tuna salad is great if it’s not made with mayo- try it with olive oil and herbs!
Mini Lunch 2- couple hours after your salad… how about some light soup? Think filling but not fatty- like a tomato soup (watch the sodium) and some whole grain bread. Deviled eggs, Baked Tortilla Chips, Salsa, Guacamole– all good options. You want to eat a bit before you get really hungry. At that point your metabolism has completely slowed down.
Keep some healthy snacks nearby- you’re boosting your metabolism and keeping your blood sugar steady. Dry roasted peanuts, banana… there are TONS of healthy snacks in bulk at most grocery stores. I love peanut butter and apple slices.
Dinner– you must like Rice and Beans?! Add an avocado. (no need for meat) Wash it down with some Almond milk. For a treat- a small piece of dark chocolate.
I think you get the concept- best of luck.
My final advice is this- your body is the greatest tool you will ever have. If you’re happy the way you are- GREAT! And if you aren’t; commit to yourself (not others) to making a change. There are great apps out there for your phone to help… your DR can recommend a nutritionist for guidance.
Alcohol puts on weight too– go for lean low calorie cocktails– they do exist.
I love stocky guys, chubby guys, muscle fellas and twinks- just love men in general. And, I’m not the only one. Most of us grow up with homophobia- forget that crap– the haters already have. Accept yourself unconditionally and find your people…the rest is easy.
Good luck Mr! 🙂
i love how ppl are just posting about them selfs here basically that a person need to loose weight to get laid. It’s pretty sad that you can’t be yourself and have to rely on what you look like to get throug life.
I say be who you are. Beauty fades, who you are doesn’t.
I’m not a chub so I won’t pretend to know what they go through. But I do treat everyone I meet the same, the way I would want to be treated.
People should try it.
IJS
Only situation that can be worse is to be chubby and over 40 years old.
Women are the same way. As a bisexual male who has always had a few extra pounds, it’s the same. Just learn to be happy with who YOU are and your confidence will go a long way in helping you achieve whatever you want.
The timing of this post is amazing. Thank you very much for posting it.
Earlier today, I almost committed suicide because a guy on this site (Bebot999) effectively tanked my self worth with statements such as: “You’re a mess! WTF are you good for?” and “You should try to exercise.” All of that hate came as a result of me initiating a conversation with “How’s it going?” Even after I went so far to tell him “According to you, I guess I’m good for nothing. I should just pull over and walk out into incoming traffic.
Thanks for helping me make that decision.” His response: “Bye fat boy.”
Fortunately a call from a friend came in before I made that terrible decision – if not, I probably wouldn’t be chiming in here.
Much like the poster, it’s hard for us heavier guys to get any love here. We’re some of the lonliest people on this site and all we get is door slams and unwarranted hateful comments. It would be nice if guys here just took a moment – just a moment – to be considerate. When reached out the guy above, I really wanted to see if we could be friends since his profile seemed pretty friendly. The reality I faced with him (much like most guys here) is very similar to what most gay guys deal with when it comes to church “We love you (on the surface), but go to hell (in reality)!”.
It all goes down to the preference. Of course people are attracted to the model types of guys. I prefer my guys to be average. I dont like the 6 pack abs, every day at the gym type of bodies. At the same time I also don’t like overweight guys. An average body with a nice face and personality goes alot further than a great body. There’s people out there into heavier guys but just a lot more who like the in shape, model look. Same deal as white guys who only are attracted to black guys or Latin guys who are only into Latin guys, people like what we like.
I used to feel exactly the same way. Those shallow pricks had me thinking I was an ugly, unworthy, complete and total failure. I was first rejected by my family and then I was rejected by the gay community, because I didn’t fit in the box. Eventually, I stopped worrying about pleasing others and focused on pleasing myself. I started working on being healthy, both mentally and physically. You don’t have to be thin to be healthy btw. I finally got past all that mess and stopped holding myself back. I’m now 35 and I’m having the best sex of my life. I don’t look for “models”, I look for decent men. Some have turned out to be great friends. I’ve slept with guys old enough to be my daddy and I’ve even scored with several college football jocks. The key is to be nice and be yourself. It burns the shallow pricks up inside to see me enjoying life more than them. That’s the best revenge I could ever ask for. There are good men out there. They’re just not at the front of the line with the haters. I promise!
I feel your discouragement and know all too well from both sides. I grew up as a chubby kid, trimmed down in my early 20’s then put on muscle a couple of years later. And while I had no problems getting the attention and dating when in shape, I just attracted more a-holes.
Just keep your head up, feel proud of who you are, and hopefully that confidence will attract the right guy for you.
I’m now in my 40s where age is more of an issue, but that another blog topic..:).
Much like the topic about having a small penis and how it has affected my life, this topic effects me in a very personal way. I have been obese most of my life. I am 6’1 and at my heaviest i was 365 and that with me being somewhat active. From my personal experience i can say that growing up obese (and same sex oriented on top of that) has resulted in a truly damaged individual. Both physically as well as psychologically. Hyper-insecurity is rampant with me. I found that being obese and trying to date and or hookup only reveals just how inherently cruel and fetishistic folks can be. If i am not being laughed at, or being on the receiving end of looks of disapproval and digust, or scoffed at by the majority of physically fit guys at the bars, then it’s more of the same from other guys who are obese like myself. Back in late December i started going back to th gym after a very long absence. I have lost a little over 60 lbs.. I am now 285 lbs. . And now only to discover the UGLY irony that i will now look like a wrinkled / crinkled person. The fat on my body is decades old and now has become sagging flesh over the muscle have worked so hard to gain. I am not complaining, i am just being honest. I will not stop my gym routine. It just kills me to no end that i will never have a nice tight body like so many others have in this life. For those lucky folks who don’t have to work hard to look good – i envy you. For those folks who are obese and are relatively content in their lives…i envy you as well. I am a natural born perfectionist cursed with having to go through life being so blatantly imperfect. For myself, being obese and or “chubby” has been and continues to be a horrid existence. I don’t wish this on anyone.
I can definitely understand. I’ve always been the overweight “cute guy.” I am still a tad overweight but worked hard to lose over 100lbs and I think as I get older I tend to feel more comfortable, however, I do notice I am more self conscious now than when I was real heavy, I am attracted to all types and I agree with some of the comments, not everyone likes the same thing. I just go with the flow and just smile and nod. =)
man i would fly to the islands to meet you. I am not so much about size as age. love young hot guys no matter the weight
I totally feel you!!!! I met this guy who seems to be everything I’d want in someone to be with. He agreed that I have a lot of great qualities…AS A FRIEND!!! I always get that, followed by a comment about how chubby I am (right after they say I am handsome).
I am slowly starting to believe that “someone for everyone” applies to everybody except me! I’m not trying to be the next “experiment for guys who like to mess around with chubby dudes occasionally”.
Moments like this make me want to take a blow torch and light Cupid’s ass with lighter fluid from one end of the state to the other!!!!!!
FYI…I’d say that 95% of my friends who are MUCH larger than I am are either in committed relationships OR getting sexed regularly by guys who show interest in them.
Outside of work, church, and a visit to my mama’s house when I need a change of scenery….I have no “spark” in my life….because physically, I don’t seem to meet the standards or expectations to be taken seriously when it comes to love. Sad but true.
I must admit I can be a bit shallow I gravitate toward handsome men. It depends on if I’m looking for a mate or a hookup. With a mate, the personality has to carry the load. But with hookups . . .If the body isn’t in decent shape then he better have some attractive characteristic about him. I’ve been with not so handsome guys who have good bodies and handsome guys with not so good bodies. I’m equal opportunity! Some guys aren’t optimum but, maybe it’s just me, but nobody is really totally and completely unattractive. There is a difference between being “heavy” and grossly overweight! Grossly overweight does turn me off a bit but if the guy’s cute I’ll help him work it off over time!
I classify chubby handsome guys as “CHUNKS” Chubby Hunks which are never confused with “BEARS” because Bears have fur! A hefty guy with a beard is not a Bear to me. That’s Chunk territory. I mean really, in nature you never see a bear with no fur!
In the picture for this post I see a lot of fur and it makes me horny!
I get on growlr “sorry you are too fat” so I go to a chasers website for guys who like chubs. And I get “you seem too skinny for this site maybe you should try growlr” apparently I’m in the middle and it sucks.
So if you like the Middle guys jakeamil on KIK 😉
>> If you don’t like the way you look, then change it.
That’s much easier said than done. A lot of guys here are saying, “You have to love yourself first.” There’s a bit of truth there, but feeling good about yourself is just the start of process of making change in your life. When you have a positive self image you’ll start projecting a happier -and sexier – image to the guys around you. And there are guys who like bigger men (chubs, bears, whatever). They can be few and far between, but they are out there. And the sad truth is that they are not any more accepting than any other group. They want what they want, and that’s it. We all just need to learn to treat each other with kindness and respect. If we don’t want to have sex with a guy, we need to say so in a way that doesn’t put him down. Remember, your dignity and self esteem could be kicked into the gutter by the next guy down the line.
Sounds like most younger gay males. They don’t like guys bigger or older than them. I have lost 41 pounds all on my own but still feel fat, even though my jeans have gone down from 48 to 42. Part of it is in my head, but I have no interest in meeting anyone, so i guess it does not matter.
Gay men are the most shallow of the species. Conceited, narcissistic, minds are controlled by false images they have been fed by the porn industry. Selfish, self centered and incapable of living anyone but themselves. I am 53 yrs old and I hate everything about the gay lifestyle. I have been treated horribly by gay men all my life. I am thankful that I don’t get my self worth from them but my straight friends who accept me as I am. Yes I’m fat. But I am more successful than any gay man that I’ve ever met. So all in all, it’s kinda their loss. 🙂
I find the author/blogger to be somewhat of a hypocrite. He goes on how much he has a cute face, his youthful appearance and his preference for lean and built men yet seem to be complaining how the discrimination he faces being a chub.
The problem with gay men and the gay lifestyle (and I suppose western culture in general) is how superficial we are.
I can actually relate with the author of this blog- I am very handsome with a great career and I been on both sides of the spectrum … When I was skinny/muscular I was too skinny, gained a bit weight due to a skiing accident got chubby then too fat. Just seems you can’t please them .. Too much shallowness and jerks in the our own community it’s sad, shit like that makes me hate being gay.
I’m heavy myself and I don’t have a problem getting a man most men like having something to hold on too b/c a dog will burry a bone lol
That’s why the majority of us are still single, we’re looking for the unattainable. Porn is to blame. I’ll echo the sentiment voiced by some many already, keep being yourself. There’s someone out there who will appreciate you for who you are not what you look like.
I’ve read some comments on here saying, “you can’t change everyone’s mind”, but I don’t think that’s what he’s trying to do. I think he feels like the gay community should be more accepting of all shapes sizes and colors because as someone said, “we’re all in this together.” And I do feel the same way sometimes be a little on the stockier side. I have gone to other cities for vacation and gotten on grinder stating I just want friends or a local to show me around, something not so touristy. And they all think I want to fuck with them. No sir. We have enough enemy’s in this world, do we really need to be ones to each other? I feel like the motto, “it gets better” should go more like, “it gets better, if you have a 6pack.” Sorry to get a little preachy. Just my thoughts on the matter.
Hope everyone has a good week!
It helps to focus on who is attracted to you and let them come to you. There are guys who don’t want lean and mean gym machines, and some are even lean and mean. We need to stop classifying each other, but to do that, we would have to declare independence from the gay media, porn and many other things that keep us down. I’m sure lots of guys will tell you can change, and maybe you can, but I won’t.
Hey, Vast majority of gay guys are vain and shallow. It may hurt but think about it this way, do you really want to be with one of these narcissistic pricks Who only appreciates your body anyway? Rest more comfortably knowing once they get older they’re gonna be lonely too unless they can pay for someone looking like their former self’s.
one thing I’ve learned about being gay and chubby is that you cant please everyone. Im not here to please everyone. it sounds that the person writing this blog may have some self esteem issues. I am over 40 and some people don’t believe me. yes i have had people here say bad things to me, but i just let it slide through. I respect people and give them their space all i ask is for people to do the exact same thing to me. some people may find me attractive, some may not. To each his own, I say. Live and let live. I love myself and accept me for what I am. However i have the power to change, therefore im changing and doing everything i can to lose weight. But im not doing it to be accepted by gay men who aren’t into chubby guys, im doing it for me and for my health.
Viva los chubbs!
adios!
Roadtown, I know how you feel, but have the different problem I am tall 6’1 140 so I slim build . Most gay men like the gym type. So, I look at its there lost and someone thrill. There is someone for everyone keep your chin up our men will come.
As someone who is also slightly overweight, I can relate to this. I’ve never been super skinny and gained about 25 pounds or so while in my relationship and my partner hated it. Constantly made comments for me to get in the gym and lose weight and eventually lead to the end of our 2.5 year relationship about two weeks ago. He said his feelings changed towards me and he no longer loved me.
There are people out there who will love us for us. That love has to start with us, something I’m still struggling with. I don’t like my body right now and I only can be the one to do anything about it. It’s something we have to work towards.
This wil be easier once society embraces us more and there are more bigger sized models that show that you don’t have a six pack to be attractive.
Keep your head up and have faith. You’ll find someone when you’re not looking.
Jason
ncboy1982_
Dave. Can it.
Last week it was small dicks. This week it’s chubs.
You are really insensitive bringing up these divisive traits.
You’re certainly not making anyone feel better about themselves now that you’ve shone yet another spotlight on less-than-perfect men. In your eyes.
So very shallow. Shameful.
I hope your blogs aren’t the catalyst for making guys feel less worthy.
Really…is that the most flattering chubby guy pic you assholes could find for this blog? Ignore the haters kid, and all the stupid ass diet advice! There are guys out there who like them big, furry, fat, husky and everything in between! There is a big chub chaser community out there and if you look you will find it! You would be surprised at at just how many CLOSETED chasers there are in adam4adam. Trust me there are other websites and phone apps that can help you in your search. Confidence is sexy when you find that you will find what your looking for. I’ve yet to see a personal ad looking for low self esteem boring insecure no personality guy wanted for a LTR OR ONE NIGHT STAND!
What sickens me the most about this is that people expect you to look a certain way like you have to be 6’1, 170 pounds, 36” waist, 10 inch uncut penis, abs, and a fat booty. HELLO?! Not everyone is the same nor is everyone shaped the same. The blogger had this discussion before awhile back where the blogger asked about muscular guys and thick guys. I can’t remember what the question was, but I digress. What’s even worst is that you’re black and thick. That’s even worst in some people’s eyes. I came to terms for the ones who love only athletic body men are the usually the ones that are insecure about themselves. You rather have a person with no personality or a character, and being a snob towards you than a person with a personality that can carry a conversation that actually want to get to know you for you. Usually those types are the ones who only look at appearance and like a day later they’re with this guy based on looks. Then a few months later, they’re crying talking about how this person with the nice everything except personality cheats on them or break their heart. Not only that I usually stay away from dudes who has like 395487 pictures of themselves in a mirror looking like they want to have sex with themselves…to each its own. They claim they want someone that’s active, but how do you know if the person’s is active just by looks.
And don’t get started on the thick men shunning thick men. They are…..WOW. I had one encounter with a thick man who says I was too “big” for him. REALLY? Um, well, I’m active. I can walk up flights of stairs with ease I mean everyone will get tired at 20 or 30 flights of stairs let’s be real. This guy look like if he lifted his leg he would be tired. It’s not about their preference, it’s basically the disrespect. Everybody claim they want some to “Come correct” or be respectful or bring the BS, but won’t give it back. If the person isn’t your type then just say so. We are all adults. I rather be upset for a minute because you was honest than to be mad because you didn’t say anything. Like I said I get we all have preferences. Mine would be I like beefy, husky men because they look better than muscular men that are shaped like lightbulbs (no disrespect)and they can do “OTHER” things as well, but if someone that’s rather skinny talks to me, I wouldn’t mind getting to know him. You have no reason to feel ashamed of yourself at all. As long as you love yourself, the hell with getting validation from some idiot who only thinks with his other brain. If they don’t want you, someone else will and will love you. I see thick dudes carry their weighs better than others. If you want to lose weight, lose it for you not to appease someone else. And for the ones saying “If you don’t like the way you look, change it” mentality, do you love the way you look because if you did, you wouldn’t be shouting to the world how you lose weight and getting more ass than a toilet seat. If that’s your means of losing the weight to get ass, then that’s wrong advice to be giving. Unfortunately, we live in a society where looks can get you to the door and inside the house. Sadly, I’m old-fashion so I don’t follow, I lead. And if some guy is rude or disrespectful to you again, you say this to them: “I may not be what you’re looking for, but I know someone else isn’t looking for you.”
Im big guy 6’0 ft 290.00 lb it took me a long time to Except myself.i still have bad days. To some guys They think that we should just be lucky that they want us . they think we have a low self esteem . And when I see no fats I just shit my head. nowadays they just want to jump in bed instead of getting to know someone. at the end of the day I have to learn to love who I’m looking in the mirror At.
Well…I just learned what a chub is…. I’m so new to the gay world.
I am very chubby too. i agree with Einathens, there are many bear sites that cater to chubby guys. i am very broad all over (huge legs, thighs, calves, forearms, chest and yes a big belly). I am not tall or young. i am like santa; older, furry and rotund. actually, in my view it’s mostly this site that the guys say ugly things about their heavier gay brothers’. after talking with thinner guys that don’t happen to be muscled model types or twinks, they are having the same issues as “big” guys. The attitude is the worst here because this is the largest gay hook up site. This is especially bad for chubs like me, who are only sexually attracted to younger fit, muscled, athletic type men. we know we can’t do anything about our preferences, right? before the internet, I thought I would never meet guys that liked my body type. Now, I realize the problem lies with the very shallow people, especially on A4A that perpetrate this bigotry. don’t get me wrong, i continue to come here, because the guys here are “HOTTTT”! This site still has the best “eye candy” going and the most free feature of anysite i know of!! i also have hope that the tide may actually turn someday and people will become more accepting of individuals instead of types. On most of the bear sites, members have to pay to see all the pics and the features. So kudos again to A4A.
I do want to comment on the elitist, pretentious behavior of the hot versus the not here..Guys, someday your looks will fade..even if your body is still great..you will wither and fail to be desired too. Chubs are use to that behavior already..so we will endure through old age. I am not so sure about the narcissists here. lastly, i answer everyone who writes me even if i am not attracted to them sexually. I WILL SAY THAT AGAIN, I RESPOND TO EVERYONE WHO WRITES ME ON EVERY SITE. it takes VERY little effort to respond to a compliment..a simple thanks usually suffices to impart that you are not interested. failure to say anything in response to a compliment is common place on A4A. When did it become okay to ignore people directly addressing you on a gay social networking/hook-up site?? accordingly, hate ridden exclusionary profiles only accentuate the ugliness of the person inside a beautiful vessel. I don’t even engage people, who don’t have pro-social profiles. i just hit the button that erases my trace (nice feature by the way Adam4Adam). lmfao. I am still a fan, but this particular issue is one I feel adamant about and this is my first comment in this forum. I always say to all my chaser lovers’ that guys that don’t like bigger men or haven’t experienced a chub in bed..are not experiencing some of the most gifted lovers’ in the world. remember that the next time you judge a person because they are not the mirror image of perfection and they are not the stilted media driven image of what everyone should look like in your warped opinion. diversity is what makes gay men and women unique. when we start to disregard other’s because they are different than us, how different is that from fascist and tyrannical regimes that have commited atrocities throughout time? it’s time to support all of our brothers’ and sisters’ not exclude them because they don’t fit neatly into our ideal mate, sexual partners or friends. I will get off my very pressured soap box now, which is about to collapse under my intense girth. I welcome all responders’to my dissertation here. it’s better than you ignoring my and other weight challenged individuals bravery when we try to make an introduction. I have thick skin..so bring it…lmao rofl.
Yeah I feel where you are coming from. I get treated like this quite often, even by other CHUBS, it’s kinda funny. You can have the personality, the charm, everything that an individual is looking for but the minute they find out that you are chubby, it seems like all hope of you guys being something fades away. I find them to be very pathetic. You should love people for who they are, good thing I love myself.
I’m 48 , 5’11 ” At my heaviest I was 275 lbs. all in my stomach area , I’m 200 lbs. now from a lot of walking . PERSONALLY I dig the soft Teddy bears more than Glam muscle bears , they are real, loveable , and easy to talk to . if you want to lose weight , GREAT ! that’s for you to decide and health issues too . No one should make you feel like shit just because you are overweight . If they can’t accept other guys for who they are in the inside , FUCK THEM, they deserve dumb shallow assholes!
Chubby is relative. I’m nordic/germanic with high cheekbones and the narrow skull/face type. That’s what I’m attracted to also….so sorry! Wide and chubby faces are not my cup of tea….at any age…..I’m 5′ 11″ and 155, and plan on staying there!!!!
i get guys hitting on me constantly. they love my big size, belly and all. its a matter of confidence and being healthy. im big but carry my weight well…and the bear lovers community is HUGE. for those saying its small, go a week in my shoes or just travel and bask in the love i get. even guys with ” no fats” in their profile hit on me still, especially after they actually meet me
Ok ive been on both ends yes at 6ft4 until 24 years old i was built n yet was attracted to personality n eyes n then my ex hurt me put me in a wheel chair had 2 learn to walk again. Gained a lot of weight. Then i met my husband who is thin n gorgeous. Its all in what ppl look for we are in love he is my world as im his so dont let it gt u down wht i finally learned was stop looking for that person embrace what makes you well you n that right guy will find you.
OMG! Some of these people who replied are part of the problem in the gay community!
TO THE MAN WHO POSTED THIS TOPIC: There is nothing wrong with being big/thick, handsome and gay…just make sure you’re maintaining good health in the process! There are thousands of men who LOVE a man with some meat on his bones who carries himself in a handsome, beautiful manner! Since you are secluded by your geographic location, I suggest using the internet to help you connect with men who appreciate a more robust body form!
Be aware big guys like us also run the risk of being used..a lot of smaller guys tend to think we are desperate and will do anything to keep them around.ex..buying drugs…clothes.. Food..cigarettes.. Ive seen it and experienced it for Myself
When I was young, I was thin, but worked at it diligently to maintain that body. It was hard to do, but, I did it! Got a good amount of guys interest. Now I’m older and the battle of the bulge won – I’m fat now. Sure, there are guys who like chubs. Who’s to say I’m going to be attracted to that one guy (cuz that’s about all there is). I’m not a bear whatsoever. Bears are more butch and love to let their hairy gut hang out in the club. Not me. I keep my fat covered! So we are in an unusual place. I even prefer young thin guys so how can I expect any different from my fellow queer men? 😉 I dunnoooooo
Being a bear myself I have been a victim of the same prejudice! I myself am not into skinny twinks! I want a real man but what I don’t understand is guys who aren’t mr Olympia themselves being prejudice against like guys! Funniest one I ever saw was a guy on a dating sight who was 65 6″0 375 missing half his teeth post that he didn’t want anyone over 30 and that weren’t HWP! I’m like look in the mirror buddy! Lol
It’s been said 100 times already, yes everyone has their preferences and you can’t change that. I myself am into chubby guys and am myself on the chubby side as well.
What I run into more times than not are chubs who only like chasers. Usually it’ll be guys complaining on their profile saying they hate how no one will give them a chance because even though they’re fat they’re still super nice and caring (and in the process of losing the weight) but when you message them they ignore you or respond with one word. So in actuallity their profiles should read, “I wish they guys that I think are hot thought I was hot too…”
Don’t know if its because they’re giving into society’s norms or if they secretly hate themselves and rather not bewih anyone else like them cause they find it disgusting. Either way, you’ve gotta learn to love yourself and be confident in your own skin. I get hit on by alot of these “hot” model types and turn them away with no problems. Gain 50 pounds or so then we can talk 😉
If it weren’t for gloryholes, someone like me (chubby and over 40) would never get any action!!! 🙂
Are you sure it is you and your size there being rude to. Or is it there own insecurities and closed minds coming out.
Yes they know what they want and apparently can’t find it or they would not be online all the time.
I have herd it said, Online websites. A bunch of insecure guys who are 4s’ and 5’s looking for a 12. And they will end up alone unless they come down to earth with the rest of us.
Im 5 years of working out, I went from 168 lbs to 195 pounds of muscle, Then the young skinny guys were telling me I was fat. I could see no reason to answer there insults. Just block the idiots. Besides. What is inside the man is just as important as what he looks like. I will not tolerate a shallow self centered dink and walk away from a good man who is not an Adonis.
Happy Hunting. Don’t take it to serious.
I hate to say this… Ima. Thick dude in memphis and im here to tell u the lust is real people… i dont feel bad being a thick dude cuz the honest truth is, usually the ones that every one prefers is sick with aids/hiv and oassing it to other people and not telling them…The is a must drivin lifestyle , its all about the abs and muscles and dick size..
Truth is im fine with being an “outcast” I dont want to fallin the same catergory as some of these guys with there twisted way of thinking… Theres nothing wrong with being a thick guy God made us to be different if people cant appreciate that then theres a problem with them not u… keep ur head up people everything happens in time…
Also being an older chub, I feel you 200%. I am a big guy, granted – and I’m fine with it. But when you say hello to someone and they spew nastiness at you – for no reason – it still hurts. And sometimes (especially on this site) I just get random notes of out and out hate – the latest “you’re a old, fat troll that has no reason to be alive, much less on this site – get off and get on a treadmill” came not only when I wasn’t really on the site; I signed on and there it was. And then, like cowards, they block me so I can’t respond. I am a big guy, but I do work out, and I am a dancer – and I look much, much younger than I am. I took my face picture to private because of nasty responses.
I understand completely the preferences of others, and if someone is not my type I will respond – kindly – my lack of interest. But most of the time my reach outs – even in some cases where I am merely giving a compliment – is met with an automatic block, no response – or more often than not – some incredibly hostile response, where a simple thanks but no thanks would suffice. Or the asking if I am generous – which I am not.
I know I shouldn’t be so serious, and I realize that there are a million jerks out there – but when you are bombarded by them on a regular basis it begins to wear you down. We in the gay community are already fighting for respect and acceptance. At the very least we should be able to give that to each other.
At first I wasn’t going to respond but then I thought I should. I’ve always been a bigger guy. I played a high School and College football. Ever since I was in elementary school I’ve been bigger. They put me on Ritalin to help with ADHD and it messed with my metabolism. I went from skinny as a rail to big in a few months and remain about 40pounds too heavy. I look the same as I did in High School. Am considered cute and am a good caring decent Christian Southern Gentleman. However none of that matters. When you write a guy on here or Griner you get snide comments all the time about not my type not into fats etc. I have my share of hook UPS but seems like very few want anything more. I own my home and car have no debt and have my stuff together and am in my 30’s. Just wish people would take a little bit of time to get to get to know someone before being somnasty and dismissive.
First off, thank you Dave for posting.
Thank you guys for all the support. To those with a negative comments, im still gonna thank you. It shows my point, we gay men face so many problems for just being who we are but yet we will claw each other’s eyes out.
Not being attracted to someone does not mean that you should make fun of or insult him. I am confident enough to cast a blind eye to these jerks but someone else may not be strong enough;a perfect example in an above comment. The young man had thoughts of suicide.
As i said before and will say it again. We’re suppose to be in this together.
you should figure out what makes you happy and confident whether that means exercise, dieting, or just being who you are . Healthy and happy is all that matters and there is someone for everyone. and sometimes being patient can be rewarding. i hear these comments about going to gym, watch what you eat, add muscle and you’ll be so much healthier. don’t let these guys fool you . 95 % of them are more interested in what their body looks like( watch how many times they look in the mirror) rather than whether or not they are getting healthy. most of them couldn’t run 5 miles if they had to. you be happy with who you are and forget these crude rude bullies. they’ll get there’s one day. it happens to the best of them eventually .
and no i’ve never been chubby , but i never understood rudeness either. i was very active in sports and could eat what i wanted when i wanted . i was lucky like a lot of you are lucky because you’re thin naturally , or because you’re hot or because you have a hot ass or a big cock . not everyone is so lucky , but deserve the same kindness and respect that you demand from your friends and acquaintances. remember we all fade with age, and the young, fit, pretty boys will be rude to you too.
All my chubby brothers,
Own it. I’m 35 and I know your own thoughts and confidence can help or hurt how attractive you are to another man. So what if you aren’t his physical type. I’m considered huscular. Nice big chest, arms, thighs, butt, and a medium belly. If i strut with confidence, twinks look like sick puppies. lol. Also, have standards of your own and always make sure you’re appreciated.
Love and cheers!
Jay
i got a hard while reading your description. I am also a “bear” who got treated like poison meat. I was fortunate to hook up with some who …well…i got a 9 inch dick. My current partner keeps fattening me up every time i lose a few pound. Its weird because society says so but weird is the new black
After going on a Mediterranean Gay Cruise last year, all I can say is that most gays are superficial. If you got a bit of flab the gays look past you. It’s all about how fit and thin they are while they starve themselves and live at the gym. And Like OH my gawd. Like really.
Dear Chubby and Gay:
We live in a very superficial world, were advertising and unseen polishing and sculpting takes place. There was a time when men and women wanted a man that was nice, respectful and productive. The new mantra is “Thug” so no wonder we have so much disrespect and no trust. We have accepted this lifestyle and the circumstances that come with it. True not all people who follow this lifestyle fall into this category and some are very productive. However in these cases that a true contradictions in definition. If people want a change in perception start by changing what you except from advertising companies. Not only are slim, buffed and cute guys dating material. When giving advice to other we don’t tell people to look for someone with out a job, use drugs in an additive manner and treats you with disrespect. Its time for qualities not looks to guide people to a serious relationship. So if you are looking for a casual dating experience then a “Thug” may be the way to go. So lets stop complaining and start demanding change. Remember tattoos were not always cool. Bell bottoms, platform shoes and polyester was. When people are tied of the thug mentality and lifestyle change will come. Be the best person you can and someone will see the best in you and appreciate that. So live, love and be at peace. You are not dead, desperate or doomed.
(My personal mantra: You may have been born in a barn but you don’t have to let people treat you like one. We only except that which we allow our self to except.)
I’m a little bigger myself. 5’11” and 240-250lb. I wasn’t always (was about 180-190 for a long time) but when I quit smoking it just kind of happened. As far as my attractions go, I’ve always kind of had a taste for bigger guys. Nothing hotter to me than being bent over for a heavy guy. On the other hand though, I don’t exclusively like heavy guys. I like all shapes and sizes pretty much equally. So I have gotten my share of criticism about my weight in the community, but also have a great deal of people who like me if I am in the right places.
Hi boys new to this and want to have a bear bbc in my hand tonight. The more the merrier fuck all of u
I can understand if people are being denied things like jobs or housing because they’re obese, that would be discrimination. But if someone doesn’t prefer obese men they shouldn’t be labelled “weightest”(?) or “fatest”(?).
I don’t think the “bear” category should be used as a catch all for “open minded” and “easy to please” either. Bears are just as uptight and snooty as the other categories gay men have.
That’s fine too. Everyone has their tastes, everyone doesn’t want to sleep with me and I don’t want to sleep with everyone. Remember, it’s your body and you’re not obligated.