A4A : Blog Code Of Conduct
Somewhere along the way to finding hot sexy playmates, some A4A members have veered off the road into mud-filled ditches! Why? Apparently they have decided to throw mud and be critical of their playmates and everyone else they text and blog on A4A—rather than to be friendly and cordial. Isn’t it possible to criticize one another and at the same time express cordiality? Let’s have a code of conduct that is becoming to human males—not animals or robots.
CODE OF CONDUCT
We recommend the adoption of a Code of Conduct for submitting blogs and comments. All A4A members must make a special effort to be cordial and understanding—sometimes actually complimenting each other! Therefore, the following actions/reactions are needed:
-Avoid negative, caustic responses and comments.
-You are not the presiding judge—so avoid being judgmental.
-When offering an opinion that is not in sync with the originating blogger, offer a friendly alternative viewpoint to the original statement—don’t call the originator an “idiot.
-Couch your words in a way that is friendly—not demeaning or insulting.
-If you feel too angry or irritated to respond—cool off before submitting your response.
You may find the word “some” is more friendly than “always.” You may also discover “often” can be substituted for “without exception.” Our emotions are not set in concrete! Consider alternative language when responding.
I do not believe the majority of A4A members are caustic, negative persons. Apparently, negatively-induced blogs often result from failure to consider more than one viewpoint. The very essence of our sexuality is in the emotional involvement with each other. None of us wants to have a relationship with a playmate who demeans us or calls us an idiot!
Let’s keep the blog a great place to discuss! Agree?
Thanks
A4A Team
Agree.
AMEN….Its been getting a bit crazy in here
Too bad the A4A team even has to discuss this …. But I have to admit as a daily reader of this page I sure understand WHY it was needed! I might add, that the same “code” should be considered on the site as well!!!!
I agree, but I believe you’re asking for something akin to pushing a very big boulder up a very steep hill. I hope I’m wrong.
I guess some people haven’t heard that it’s easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar – though what I’d do with a fly is beyond me (I’ve heard they’re not very well hung LOL)
After all, what gay site (or non-profit, or governmental agency, or PAC, or whatever) would be complete without strict adherence to “PC” guidelines? Sometimes, when people are fucking up, you have to WHACK them upside the head…and I’ve seen a LOT of that from some people.
So basically you “mostly” want responses to blogs from those who agree with the ideas within those blogs? Because having differing views is a bad thing? I concur that some replies can be mean spirited but those that just don’t agree should be “allowed” as well. Just my opinion.
Billy : read it again….
A blog is to get opinion, we are just tired of reading hate msgs and mean things that’s all
That being said, guys that don’t respect that will get banned from the blog
I agree that we who ask so often for open mindedness should be so ourselves.
Blog, is it possible to format to respond to individuals comments in one place rather than bouncing back and forth? Once you approve comments do you reveal them in order received? “Often” ;o) I feel lost in the comments probably due to the layout. Just curious, without turning it into FB might it be possible to have some icon to show support or lack thereof instead of everyone saying the same thing over and over? Ok I’ll stop now. Thanks for your time…
srehturts : yes we will be redesigning the blog very soon.
I completely agree. Comment sections of most websites have become a viper’s nest. We can disagree and state our opinion without putting others down or being negative. What happened to adult discussions!? Thanks for this reminder.
Agree. Also agree with Bdbfloh!
Civility and recognition is all that any individual or group deserves.
“..failure to consider more than one viewpoint.” I find this statement interesting because it seems like these days we, as in a vast majority of gay people, are incapable of considering other view points. A perfect example is the attacks and demonizing of people who don’t agree with gay marriage. That belief has been equated with hating gay people and that simply isn’t true in a vast majority of cases. If the suggestions in this blog entry are going to be taken into consideration let’s expand them outward into our everyday lives. Not everyone is a hater out to get you.
It comes down to respect. You can comment on something someone has said without being mean and nasty. It ought to apply to the site as well. The website has gotten crazy lately. There are people who are preying on the members for money etc. I’ve seen three people who have been suspended just recently. So let’s make an effort on this blog and the site to try and be decent and respectful of each other. Life is too short.
I believe that a guy who hasn’t yet grown up to the extent that he can survive the phrase “without exception” would be well advised to avoid the internet. In general, one would be wise to grow a pair before posting.
First of all this blog is complete hypocrisy in full effect. I have seen the blog moderator himself for a4a be judgemental in his posts, and the person that wrote this “code of conduct post” needs to look up the meaning of the words some, always because they do not mean the same as well as often and without exception because they do not mean the same thing. To suggest that they are suitable and exceptable replacement for those words obviously doesn’t have a firm grasp of the english language. I dont believe that who wrote this really ment to come across as judgemental themselves with it, but sadly they were. Opinions are just that, no one has to agree with another person 100%of the time and to encourage peopele to do ao is trying to for the “cookie cutter” mentality that us as humans are not the same as the next person. You have no clue why the person responds they way they do, maybe you offended them and you expect them to be civil to the person that had offended then…thats stupid. If they dont agree or are offended then my suggestion is to not respond and to block the person. Not everyone is a polite and friendly person, some are sweet and others are toxic by nature. The key is to open your eyes and pay attention to who it is and try to avoid the person or people. As far as the a4a team goes, wake up and smell the coffee people this isnt the 1950’s and we all love our neighbors. People are going to disagree, argue and bicker to expect anything less well then I would like to live in that dream world because it muat be a lonely place. And to those of you that are on the receiving end of the rudeness and don’t understand why mightt want to take a good look in the mirror because I tend to look at the good in all people but some of you on here are proof of why some species eat their young. Meaning you try to be polite to someone and tell them your not interested and they keep harping you until you have had enough and go off on them and they think it came out of the blue and dont think they have done something wrong. IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO THIS WE ARE HUMAN AND NO ONE IS PERFECT SO DONT EXPECT THEM TO BE.
Well i see the moderator cant practice what he preaches, someone posts something in a viewpoint othwr than him and does it politely and with out being rude he wont post it …like is said before complete hypocrisy in full effect
Props to TY for hitting it right SQUARE on the head. So many gay males, as well as racial groups, think they’re “entitled” to their opinions being “right,” and any statement challenging that view is seen as “hating.” Indeed, during the holocaust of the ’80s, there were a LOT of people getting butthurt because of challenges to opinion…but we were so desperate to find a way out of that horror, that ALL viewpoints were considered. As it turned out, we, as a group, didn’t do very well over the long term in, as Morris Kight said in 1982, “…conquering this disease by our own behavior,” instead just demanding that the taxpayers, through the government, do something so they can continue to do what they want to do. I railed against that, and still do, for many years, and a lot of people termed me a “hater” over it. That’s on THEM, not ME. Many think, for exmaple, through some delusion, that PReP is a “vaccine,” and when you try to challenge them (and advise them that PReP ALONE only decreases your chances of infection by 51% (Source: Gilead’s own FDA phase 3 trial data) they, again, get butthurt and think that you’re a bully. This is important…on this issue, life with HIV is NO PICNIC. Eradicating the virus from our community is the ONLY TRUE GOAL we should be considering, but the lure of “Oh, it’s OK…just take a pill” is too enticing. But, when you try to tell them that, you’re a “bully”. PC sucks…it lets peoples’ bad behavior be codified. Someone’s got to challenge someone SOMETIME.
It’s pride weekend here in Albq. Unfortunately there is nothing to be proud about. I am a member of A4A to find a piece of nice ass.
I wrote and often rewrite my profile to be very specific in what I enjoy in a sex partner. I spend the same amount of time reading profiles to make sure I respect others and their time in writing one.
So I am man that enjoys a man’s ass. That doesn’t mean I like yours. It also doesn’t give me the write to disrespect you, post mean or hateful msgs.
agreed……Its been getting a bit crazy in here
I thought we were grown ups??
Well, Dave, maybe if the powers that be didn’t bring up topics that are lightning rods for disagreements, or post incredibly lame things that defy reason, or have guest bloggers who are either clueless or arrogant, folks wouldn’t have a reason to go to extremes with their comments. You and the rest of the A4A admins can’t deny that you’re trying to get page views and clicks from users, so you post that stuff. You can’t have it both ways.
Every site (from the LA Times to A4A to Youtube) has this problem. It’s the (ahem) anonymity, plus a rageful population. The sites have to decide if anonymous commentators are worth it.
LOL, I have been requesting this for a long time (disagree, but please show respect your brothers & sisters in the community).
I’ve been very blessed to have worked in several industries where RESPECT and POLITENESS were not only expected, they were both required. As Voltaire once said (loosely translated): “I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”
Be well my brothers!
this site is not the best site on the web…the people are rude,shameless,crazy, you name it …they have no consideration for anyone or anyone’s feelings…i dont come on here that often because of this and as far as the blogs go….you sound like you are trying to educate people…how far do you really think you gonna get with this kind of logic….you think you being fair minded when it sounds like you putting people down…whoever writes these blogs needs to look at what they say and how they say it…might be the reasoning why you cant get what you want…whatever that may be…you really need to police yourself before you can try to police others….
Finally I was waiting for this topic to comment about the behavior of the members in this site
I love this site and its my favorite but I have been bulled and insulted many times by other gays members for being honest and open about my status on my profile, its hurtful how your own gay community can be homophobic and discriminate you for looking feminine or just from being different race
I think members who send hateful messages and insulting others should be banned from this site, should be a priority so everyone can feel safe,respected
Ty, I am sorry but you say that “a vast majority of gay people, are incapable of considering other view points.” I think most gay people have been and are still aware of how many people still feel about gay marriage.
Then you continue with the following, “A perfect example is the attacks and demonizing of people who don’t agree with gay marriage. That belief has been equated with hating gay people and that simply isn’t true in a vast majority of cases. If the suggestions in this blog entry are going to be taken into consideration let’s expand them outward into our everyday lives. Not everyone is a hater out to get you.”
Well, people’s beliefs because of their religion are just that…their beliefs. Therefore, if they believe it to be wrong to be gay and married…then they themselves should not be gay and well then getting married would not even be an issue for them. However, how is it right or not hateful for them to want to vote to keep others from the same rights they have. I can tell you…it is not right and it is imposing their beliefs unto others. Believe what you believe and live your life as you see fit. If you believe God punishes people for being gay…then you yourself should not be gay. And, when you say that the people that are not for gay marriage are not out to get you…and, when you are gay and want to get married, but can’t because of someone else’s beliefs or religion…exactly how should a gay person feel about these people?
Is it any different than a white person whether it be now or in the past that doesn’t/didn’t think a black person should drink from the same water fountain.
There’s no question mark after that sentence because for me there is no question as to what kind of person can have such thoughts about another human being simply because of someone’s skin color. Should we take a vote for such a thing in a world where people are so filled with ignorance and or hatred. No question mark after that either…because I think leaving some things up for people to vote on is not always a good thing.
I’m all for people believing in what they want to believe in…but not for imposing their beliefs on others. And, that is what they are doing when they vote against gay marriage.
There’s an interesting movie called “God’s not dead,” which I watched with an open mind. It’s about a college professor of philosophy that demands on the first day of class that his students write on a piece of paper that God does not exist and then sign it. One student because of his beliefs can not do this and refuses. Now, I believe the student has the right to do so because of his beliefs. And, the teacher decides to give him some time to attempt to prove then that God does exist. I do believe also that the professor was wrong to demand this of everyone. Anyway, I won’t go into the rest of the plot, but, I will say that I enjoyed the movie and thought it made a good point…until. Until…I watched those special feature parts of the DVD…you know where they discuss how the idea of the movie came to be. In actuality, in the movie it was a young man that refuses to do as the professor says, but in real life it was based on a young woman that refused to sign a petition for the right for gays to adopt that a teacher had asked her to sign. Perhaps he demanded her to sign it…I don’t remember that part. While I agree with this girl’s right to not sign a petition for what she doesn’t believe is right for whatever reason…if she were to also vote against the right for gays to adopt…that is in fact also doing what the college professor did…ENFORCING YOUR BELIEFS ON OTHERS.
SO…THE MOVIE MADE A GOOD POINT BUT THEN SHOWED THE HYPOCRISY OF PEOPLE SUCH AS THE GIRL AND THE PRODUCERS OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE THEY IN FACT CAN’T SEE THAT THEY ARE INDEED NO BETTER THAN THE PROFESSOR THAT WANTED TO MAKE THE BOY SIGN THE PAPER SAYING GOD IS DEAD. LET THE GIRL FEEL THAT GAY ADOPTION IS WRONG…BUT WHEN SHE VOTES AGAINST IT…SHE IS INDEED IMPOSING HER BELIEFS UPON OTHERS. LET HER NOT BE GAY AND ADOPT.
ENFORCING YOUR BELIEFS ON OTHERS IS A MOST SELFISH THING. IT IS WRONG. GAY PEOPLE DON’T NEED YOU TO LIKE THE IDEA OF GAY MARRIAGE AND THEY ALSO DON’T NEED YOU TO KEEP THEM FROM HAVING THE SAME RIGHTS.
I DON’T KNOW HOW ELOQUENT IN SPEECH I HAVE BEEN…BUT, I NEEDED TO SAY THIS.
Please refer to the 1st Amendment to the Constitution.
If you find it send a copy to Obama.
The first amendment states that the government cannot infringe upon citizens’rights to comment against it. It doesn’t say a word about anonymous forums within online sites that have TOS rules which users must agree to follow.
I find that my opinions are frequently at odds with those of the majority. Sometimes they get posted, sometimes they get censored. I’ve decided not to take it personally.
What I’d like to see are links with the posters. If you click on the name of the guy who made the post (whether he used his a4a username or a pseudonym, which I don’t think should be allowed here), you’d be able to send a message to their inbox Without having to post it in the forum.
einathens: No it’s a blog, a blog is exactly that. Posting in front of everyone so that people can discuss.
The problem is when people say things like “Hey motherfucker, you are not right, you fucking idiot”
I don’t mind you having a different opinion, it is actually a good thing, I always have different opinions too. But the way people say it.
If your comment are censored it is because they have to be censored.
Well…some good observations in here, and a panoply of different attitudes and platitudes. However, the blogmaster might want to get a frame of reference. An easy way to do this would be to check out the comment sections on ANY Yahoo News article. After about an hour of that, coming back here would seem like a little slice of heaven! LOL
Well, AJ…I’m fairly certain that you’re one of those people that has used profanity in the past and called people names. Which is Dave’s entire point…which apparently, has escaped you.
Agree with Einathens. A link to the posters name/profile will automatically clean things up. Posters are much better behaved when they cannot be completely anonymous. Posters should be required to use their profile names and be willing to stand up to anything they say without being able to hide behind a spineless veil of anonymity.
Not a difficult thing for programmers to make happen.
Hunter0500 : The blog will be fully redesign soon, but it is not a priority for a4a right now. So it might take few months.
It’s about time, I agree too. We as a community
are a melting pot of individuals, as such must have respect for all views. me=liberal and advocate 4 All varieties of US.
Inclusiveness NOT Separation wih differences. Thanks
I see comments on we should respect other people but you seem to forget one basic thing…respect is earned not a right!!! People are going to disagree with people its a fact of life and to expect and think someone should be banned because they dont show someone respect is a little out of touch with reality. As far as anonymous status the people that are against it because someone is rude or disrespectful that their names should be listed. Why so you can send them an email on here bashing them because of something they said..well then you would be no better than they were only you think because you take it to a private message that its ok…think again. Last i saw and read in the rules this is a HOOK UP site and soo many of you treat it just as that, so then why are you over reacting to what someone has to say good bad or indifferent. To be honest the gay community isnt a community its vast numbers of cliques that dont like one another, now a days there is more bashing in the gay community amongst themselves than we receive from the heterosexual community. I have been asked many time why i dont have very many gay friends, the simple answer is..with friends that act the way a majority of the community acts and treats others in the community who needs that enemy. The gay community is so judgemental of everyone in it that its not worth trying to fit in because that’s all you end up doing trying to please everyone else and lose track of who you really are. To sum this all up this is a public blog to try and censor any comment is pointless as are most blogs. I think in the 5 years ive been on this site I’ve only seen a few blog posts that werent utter nonsense and so pointless that they were a waste of space on the hard drive of the servers and not worth the letters that were put in it.
And feel free to send me an email on here good bad or indifferent. Because unlike alot of people on here i enjoy a good debate and will not shy away from one. Nor do i stoop to the childish mentally of cussing nor calling people names because they dont agree with me. BUT i will agrue my point.
Wow, it seemed a simple request. No need to personally attack each other or the moderator, correct?
There are plenty of things here I do not agree with, I grew up with a specific values system, and I was socialized in many ways, by many different people (mostly straight); and I am confident my opinions speak only for myself. However, I am capable of understanding where others are coming from, without being offensive if they deviate from MY norms.
In the HOMOPHOBIA blog from May 17, 2015, I was surprised to find my own words twisted, when I pointed out I was NOT offended by others who are extremely sexually motivated on A4A. It was disappointingly ironic to read homophobic rants throughout that blog, particularly since I am pretty new at being here — so I get that I am the odd duck, non-drinker, non-smoker, neophyte. So, WHY can’t we behave like gentlemen who share similar traits? Empathy, respect, and tolerance are all free, and NOT EVERYTHING YOU BELIEVE NEEDS TO COME OUT YOUR MOUTH
This discussion feels juvenile and unnecessary to me. The A4A Blog is a service of A4A; the owners/management have the right to govern the behavior of the people who utilize the services of the site, including this discussion board. All comments are moderated, so moderators, do your job. If you don’t like the “tone” of a comment, censor it. Offenders who don’t see their comments posted will get the message and clean up their acts or go away. Those of us who remain are free to decide whether we like the level of censorship that is exerted here. But please don’t tell us how we should word our comments; it’s insulting.
I read all the posts on this blog (except those that are blatant promotions of advertisers) and I haven’t seen the personal attacks that you seem concerned about. I think spirited discussions of topics about which members are passionate is healthy. Maybe some folks need to grow thicker skins.