Speak Out : Str8-Bisexual Activity
The pendulum swings broadly from Str8 to Bisexual orientation and I believe the vast majority of Str8 guys would engage in sexual activity with other males if the right opportunity presented itself. Thus, so-called bisexual activity often occurs!
Str8 guys married/living with females often find themselves lacking sexual satisfaction because their female lovers are either 1) not attentive and affectionate or 2) disinterested in sexual activity because of physical issues. A happy heterosexual couple must be sexually active with each other for long-term success in their marriage bed.
The typical Str8 male often approaches sexual activity similar to his participation in sports and fishing, hunting, camping, and other male-bonding activities. This can lead Str8 guys to eventual participation with other males in sex play as a supplemental outlet. They aren’t trying to replace their wives—but want sexual excitement to replace missing elements in their physical relationship with wives. These guys typically want to sustain their marriage while engaging in extracurricular activities that provide greater sexual satisfaction. Therein, discretion is the key word and essential to maintaining and continuing bisexual adventures! The adage goes, “a guy knows what a guy enjoys more than a female knows.”
I believe bisexual activity among American males comprises a greater segment of the population than is reported! One Texas metro area has a club comprised of Str8 male members who limit their extracurricular activities to mutual masturbation and fellatio—without anal penetration. Although not reported herein, I believe a “club-like” environment exists in other American cities.
A key factor called “coupling” is sometimes missing in bisexual adventures. Coupling exists between a male/female, or male/male. Bisexual activities are typically observed in a sporting-event environment with occasional trysts—but not going home to bed with each other nightly. The words “I love you” are not often part of the bisexual vocabulary. More likely the words are “fantastic cum shoot and I want more next time.”
Str8 guys who initially explore bisexuality often want to be in the bottom position with a dominant top satisfying their desire to be penetrated—because they are accustomed to penetrating their wives, and want a different experience with another male! Thus, bisexual activity flourishes best if both parties are versatile and can offer each other the benefits of topping and bottoming.
There is something for everyone if the menu is broadened! Although frequent sexual activity is important to males, the emotions experienced in highly-charged bisexual orgasms and fantastic foreplay must be remembered for days and sometimes weeks—while most of the hours in a typical day are spent making a living and often falling into bed without Str8 or Bisexual sex!
David M in Texas
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What’s so Str8 about sucking cock?
You just described my life to a t in that article. Well done and there are a lot of us out there in that situation. A sexless marriage resulting in experimenting outside the marriage with other men. I rationalize it by saying I’m not really cheating on her because she can’t give me what another guy can
Unfortunately, it does come with it’s risk, both health related and getting caught
I know, I got caught a months ago
I personally find this post interesting. I am a married guy, to a woman for almost 22 years. My wife has never had a high sex drive, even when we were dating. I often found myself stroking out a load even during the early years of our marriage. As time as gone on her interest in sex has lessened and I didnd’t think it could get lower. About 7 years ago a married male friend and I were chatting about life in general nothing specific. I have never been one to discuss my sex life with anyone, period. He mentioned that his wife’s sexual interest had dropped dramatically over the last few years and he asked me if I had experienced any changes in my wife’s interest. I admitted to him there had never been much to begin with. Over the next couple of weeks or so we talked about it more openly to the point of do I (we) still jack off. I confirmed that I jack off at least 3/4 times week. He indicated to me that he has another friend that he jacks off with, but nothing else and would be interested in joining them. I have made some great friends on A4A but on the opposite side of that, there a lot of guys who I don’t believe a guy can be a true bi-sexual. I love my life with my wife except for the sex. I don’t think anyone can deny the intensity between 2 guys (or more depending), the sexual tension is half the fun. We have found a friend on A4A who love to service married cock and is more than willing to do so. We have done a group to the point of we are all sitting on a couch, etc while our friend takes care of each of us. I know this probably sounds more like a story than anything else but it’s all 100% true. A guy can be a true bi-sexual whether or not some choose to believe that is up to them. Thanks for letting me have my say. Have a great day.
that sounds hot–I have several married dads in my neighborhood–they know I want their dicks they know I am gay wish it could happen
I beg to differ I am bisexual and demand a Top Position in sexual activity with another male.
bottom line-men are just sluts. most want a ‘release’ any way they can get it.and any ‘st8’ man in bed with another man AINT’T st8!!
GOD IS HUMANITY, HUMANITY IS GOD’S PLEASURE TOOL. We are required by God to enjoy life and the use of our pleasure tools. The rules are simple. Do not Lie on yourself. Everybody has the same resources to access their own happiness. Pleasure tools that pursue God relentlessly are the most useful. Jealousy, deceit, envy, doubt, and every EVIL BAD INTENTION comes from the Devil. The demon can f
This is surprisingly accurate. Hope it helps traditional gay guys understand better. Surprisingly judgy group.
I am a bisexual man. I have plenty of sex with women and some sex with men. I laugh when guys who have sex with men claim straight. If you have ANY kind of sex with men (even for money) you are definitely NOT STRAIGHT. They just lie to themselves and others because they can’t accept the truth about themselves. I am bi and happy and there is nothing wrong with it!
Well said! Many strictly gay men miss out on a lot of sexual activity and satisfaction because of attitudes about bi oriented males. Granted a lot of gay men are looking for that one special guy for a ltr, but in reality those are very few and far between. Not all gay, straight or bi men want their activities made public and it has nothing to do with being closeted. In today’s society way to much is made of being out and public. Fortunately most of the world…at least here in the United states…could care less about what happens in private between consenting adults. When the gay community finally learns this and accepts it, all involved..bi, straight or gay… will lead happier and fulfilled lives.
There’s straight, gay, and the wide chasm in between. I hate when people call a guy gay for having sex with a guy: I’ve had sex with women and I’m certainly not straight.
That being said, I agree with most that a married guy who claims to be straight but wants to come over and blow me isn’t straight, by the simple definition of the word. Does that make him gay? Most likely, but I’ve encountered many true bisexuals out there. However, I understand what the married guy means when he identifies himself as straight: He is married to a woman and favors the perception of a straight lifestyle. It also tends to mean he wants to sneak around, either because he is closeted and/or cheating on someone he claims to love.
Married/closet-cases/self-haters: Call them what you want. I’ve had my share of them and their stories tend to make me laugh in a sad way. My findings: They tend to give terrible head but make adventurous bottoms.
No matter how you paint it is still cheating on your spouse and it’s wrong. Not getting what you want sexually from your wife? If that’s all you’re worried about then you don’t deserve her. Divorce her and do what you need to do. Just don’t do it behind someone’s back and breaking their trust.
I have to agree with Steve! Would love to chat more about this…there are actually more married guys out there in a sexless marriage?? Wow, thought I was alone.
Very few women can give a really good blow job and even those that do ok, usually don’t swallow the cum — which makes for a less than perfect orgasm for the guy. Men not only like cum, but generally have bigger mouths and are more enthusiastic about getting their partner off. And you don’t have to eat a smelly pussy in return!
to complain, “if you ever have any sex at all with a man then you are gay” makes about as much sense as, “if you ever have any sex with a woman then you are straight.” nether is the case. sexuality is a spectrum. it is not a clear cut either or, all in or all out. the complexities of sexuality are something we all have got to be willing to admit if anyone is to make any progress in this conversation.
bottom line…they want their dicks sucked real good and to fuck something strange and tight…something most female’s can’t compete with…they all desire men more than women…and are typically more comfortable than you’d think…many of them become obsessed and possessive if they’re lucky enough to find that one man that let’s him has his way…they’re basically closeted to some degree…many of them will participate in 3sums only to realize they didn’t want to share you with another man…especially if the other man has a bigger dick or you pay more attention to the third party…
I’ve been in a LTR with a woman for nearly 20 years. Early on in the relationship I confided that I identified as bisexual. She had a hard time with my label and wanted to avoid a situation down the road where I might decide that I want a relationship with another man. I told her that I wanted my life-time partnership to be with her. We care deeply for each other and we are still life-time partners.
That said, the disclosure of my desire to have sexual relations with men certainly changed our sexual relationship. I think she became less trusting. I started to develop some anxieties around intercourse with her and that led to inabilities to maintain an erection. This only made my anxiety situation worse. She questioned if I was still attracted to her sexually. Over the course of time, I was able to relax and enjoy our sexual experiences together with my less-anxious erection.
My story would not be complete if I didn’t disclose my sexual encounters with men. These have usually been facilitated through sites like A4A and craigslist with plenty of cruisy bathroom encounters and adult arcades sprinkled in. At first there were massive feelings of post-encounter guilt followed by resolve that I would discontinue my trysts. A new day meant renewed desired for encounters and the cycle of feelings would start all over. At some point I stopped having guilt and would bask in my sexual conquests. I would often see my anon sexual partners on the streets, in elevators, with their partners, at restaurants, at the airport… there was a strange code that bonded us to acknowledge each other but we conducted ourselves as strangers.
I would say that most men (gay, straight, bi) enjoy watching gay and straight porn because they love watching the man penetrate. They can imagine themselves as the top or the bottom. When it comes to physical encounters with men, society continues to have conservative judgements around men having sex with men. Men are afraid that disclosing these desires will compromise their positions at work, in the home, and with society. These encounters are often reserved for anon hookups with men we don’t know and they come with known risks.
The more men that share their stories like this, the less alone the invisible gray area sexual masses feel.
Why do we need and insist on labeling someone? Gay, straight, bi. Simply labels to define ones self based on sexual likes in terms that society can understand. Here is a thought. I am a human being.
Sorry no such thing as bisexual. You don’t choose your sexuality. Everything is given to you from the man above from the moment of conception, so how is it you “choose” to be bisexual? Its dumb people like that that makes gay men all over the world look bad, by lying to your wife,
& cheating on her. Better yet claiming to be straight to the rest of the world when you know you’re not. FYI no true straight man has any urges, feelings, or curiousity of what its like to be with a man and if you do, guess what YOU’RE GAY.. Y’all do everything not to admit that you’re gay or to be labeled gay.. STOP WITH THE LYING AND ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE AND LIFE GETS BETTER AND TREATS YOU BETTER. We are have that fear about losing family and friends if they find out if you’re gay, so I ask you this. Is it really worth your happiness to sit there lie and wear a mask just so they don’t find out that you’re gay? If they really are your family and friends they still would love you and support you like family and friends are supposed to do… Admin another great topic… Keep it going, y’all lately had some great topics to write about.
I’m with married male on here, i don’t even consider myself bi, but i do enjoy getting off w/ other dudes…
I think many men enjoy sex with other men, but would never fall in love with a guy or desire a LTR with a man versus a woman. To this point in my life, that has been me. Can you be “straight” in your love life and “gay” in bed? I think many guys fall in that category. It’s been 10 years since I’ve had sex with my wife, but I love her in many ways. We’ve raised a family together. That’s huge. Isn’t “gay” and “straight” as much about who you want to be in love with as much as who you sleep with?
In short, I think one can be emotionally straight and physically gay.
Thank you for this article. You have no idea how timely this is and how it is clarifies a question that I have been having a long time now seeing that I am in a particular situation (that I cannot explain).
Again, thank you for this article.
Very good discussion guys!I too have been married for 22 years to a wonderful woman that I love very much! After the birth of our son I began to experiment with men because of the lack of sex that my wife and I were having. She had some female problems and had a complete hysterectomy at a young 30 yrs old. I am a very sexual person and just like Steve I started looking for a man because it didnt feel like it was cheating!se I still loved my wife but wasnt getting want I needed and a friend could give that to me. I have always been honest about it to my partners and it amazed me how many men were in the same boat! Of course it has always been safe sex…but there is nothing like an orgasm between two men! Very intense!
I agree fully with this article. I love my wife and we are active sexually, but I love to bottom (occasionally top), and be with other men.
I appreciated this article as I am in my 2nd “affair” with a str8 guy. He won’t kiss or suck me, but lets me fuck his tight ass and swallow his creamy loads. He’s only 24 and an athlete (married) and I’m middle-aged and gay. He has fantasies and we act them out – we are looking to have a 3 way with a girl.
My first affair with a married dude was pretty much the same – not getting it at home and needing to get off. Enjoyed it and it lasted quite a while and he loved getting fucked and fingered.
Most guys don’t realize the sensual nature of their holes and I love being the one to introduce them.
I find it hilarious so many dudes are quick to lay all the blame re: the lack of x/y/z in their relationships with their wives on their wives… Not that their cowardice and lack of honesty with themselves and others has caused them to trap someone not compatible with them in a life long, dishonest relationship. I’m not blameless and probably have more dangerous habits than most dudes in that situation, but at least I can tell my girlfriend about it when I come home… The first wierdos to exploit my sexuality when I was young were just like this, and I count my blessings I didn’t end up like them and have the strength to be real wih the people i love! Pride <3
I agree with Musclebro, you can’t call yourself straight (str8) if you are having sex with a same sex partner. And if you are married to a female without having sex, but having sex with another guy, then you are gay, not bisexual.
Taking it a step further, why not be upfront with your partner/spouse that you need a sexual outlet if it isn’t being fulfilled in the partnership/marriage – get their support. Communication is important in this type of relationship. It may take a while for them to come around, but it will mean a lot less stress in the relationship. Who knows, they may want to participate in some way. They may want to pick out a sexual partner for you or even watch. Have you also considered the potential health risks you’re bringing home (STDs, HIV, etc)?
For myself, I am a one-on-one type of person. I’m not interested in trying to hide from your partner/spouse either. I understand discretion because of your job, community or family, but not from your partner/spouse.
If you are thinking of changing lifestyles, then be upfront with your partner/spouse. Investigate it together.
If you cheat on your partner/spouse, I would expect you to do the same to me. Develop some integrity and exercise some honesty. Love yourself enough and make the correct choices.
[that soapbox is kinda high] =)
Story of my life after 30 plus years. She says I am a homo and devorces me while she and her GF share the same bedroom on sleepovers…wtf! Yea I lost my ass, but freedom is great…just sayen…love ya all…cheers
I totally agree with this. I’m married and love my wife and life. However, the sexual gratification with other men is part of my life. I don’t need a label – that doesn’t solve anything. Yes, there is risk, but so is bottling up unspent desires and pent up energy. We are human, we have varying interest, needs and desires. Right and wrong is not the question – that’s a useless conversation.
These str8 men are always hiding and sneaking around which i see as exhausting as they continue to hunt for dick while lying to their wives and girlfriend’s. I have endured these str8 men and have enjoyed their cock-hungry passion.
Wow its like he wrote this about me.
Is it just me?
It’s a turn on sucking a guy who’s “straight”
Kind of an ego boost thing
who cares. let people do whatever feels right to them as long as they are not hurting someone. This topic should be a non issue
I am so glad I am a gay pure blood and live my life and open as a real gay man. I am sexually satisfied to the fullest and I have no restrictions. One couldn’t offer me any huge amount of money to trade my life for the bi & hetero life! In my stance why would I trade my life as a God to be a mere mortal of hetero/bi world? I do blame the evils of heterosexual society and its religion and politics for forcing these poor souls to live a false life they are not mean’t to have. I know this from meeting and talking to these married and bi guys who approached me and seeking knowledge how did deal with this poisonous programming. My answer is simply this..I don’t KISS the world’s ass, they KISS mine! Heterosexuals are not the dominant species of human on this planet. Us gay & lesbian people are mother nature’s natural balance of human population on this planet in which these morons waving their religion and politics and their other garbage in our faces stating the opposite..its not by their God’s rule. I can say this, your God can bend over and take it up the ass by me while Satan sucks on my balls! That is my statement!
First of all, I think the sweeping generalizations should have been backed up by statistics. The particular one about most bisexual/straight guys preferring to bottom is highly problematic. Among my numerous encounters with them over the years, 99% were exclusive tops and only one guy ever preferred bottoming. Admittedly, this is based on personal anecdote (not statistical) and should be just as valid as that of the OP, but a cross-section of several guys hues more to statistical sampling and should be more valid (hence, more scientific/statistical) than his own singular preference/experience. (i.e. He prefers bottoming and he’s a bisexual. Ergo, he claims most bisexuals are bottoms. VS. My experience where 99% of multiple bisexuals are tops. Which one is more believable? One VS. many?)
Also, I find that the term and concept of “heteroflexibility” is not yet widely known and is, thus, underused. And it’s a shame because true “bisexuality” in which a person is genuinely attracted to both sexes in the same way (attracted to both pussy/boobs/feminine features and cock/masculine features) is rare in my opinion/experience (but that would have to be proven by research again). Most guys who think they’re bisexual are actually heteroflexible, hence, the valid claim to being still “straight.” If only the gay community knew about this phenomenon, I think a lot of the biphobia would calm down. (Proof of this ignorance? Just look at the very first comment on this blog up there.) No, homosexuality is not defined by: “he’s sucking dick, therefore, he’s gay.” If you got paid to have sex with a woman (and there are numerous examples of gay porn stars who have done so), are you now straight as well? Sexual orientation is defined by who you are primarily attracted to and who turns you on most, not by who/what you have sex with. All the heteroflexible guys I have encountered would never give up their GFs and wives to have a relationship with another man. They don’t really check out other hot guys or jack off to them. What attracts them to seek out male-on-male experience is the novelty of the act and the ACT ITSELF (the idea that they could penetrate or dominate or be dominated by another guy, for example), and NOT the guys themselves. Which gay guy wouldn’t even ask for any pics of you before hooking up? I’ve had that experience exclusively with heteroflexibles. If they’d ever ask for a pic, it’d be more likely just of your ass. They also usually prefer watching straight porn while doing it, too. Most even prefer girl on girl porn, which to me is the ultimate test for “straightness.” (Be honest, most of you gay guys would be disgusted by even just the thought, much less even tolerate or be turned on by lesbian sex.) Finally, to counter Ben Carson’s (idiot GOP presidential contender, for those who don’t know) claim that the proof that gays choose their sexual orientation could be proven by how men turn gay in prison. To this again, look up “heteroflexibility.”
If there’s any heteroflexible guy who could relate out there, speak up.
How peculiar that it is always, always these boys in the closet, cheating onto their wives with men, proclaiming themselves bisexual.
It’ll be easier to believe in the existence of this type of bisexuality if there were at least one man cheating on his long-term male partner in occasional hookups with women. But there isn’t. So keep fantasizing…
I am a 58 years old Bi male who has in the last 20 years realized that men know more about what each others cravings than any woman can dream of. I have been married for 30 years and it has been great, but sometime we need another man to take us to that special place.
I am a bi guy. I enjoy being a bottom and have found a few guys that accept that and can just enjoy each other’s company. I wish that everyone could just understand everyone’s different needs.
Great article! I describe myself as mostly straight. Its women who turn my head, and who I fall in love with. However, once in a while I need to be with a man. I need to be touched the way a gay man touches me. My ass is very erogenous. I need to be touched and played with anally. I’ve had lots of girlfriends do that for me but they’re never really into it. A cock in.my ass feels so good once in a while. My ideal would be a heterosexual relationship with regular sex and a good fuck session with a guy once or twice a month. I’ve had that a couple of times but it required hiding and dishonesty and I hate that. Oh how can I be fulfilled and live honestly as a bisexual man.
Sex in my marriage is not exciting so I have some guy friends in the same situation to partake in mutual NSA fun. I enjoy getting sucked off by another guy and topping on occasion (with a condom of course). There’s no strings and I enjoy it a lot.
I choose not to label myself, the company of a male and female is equal to me with that being said it depends on the chemisty. Oh and i understand about your view of them wanting to be bottoms and thats not something i would try.
Walter: that had to be about the most ignorant post ive ever read on this blog. Maybe on all of the Internet. And it’s retarded on so many levels that I have to actually be impressed you could utter something so entirely and thoroughly messed up. That was amazing!
My take,
Humans are inherently bisexual but you can have a hetero-orientation.
It’s oreintation not concrete fixation.
You’ll always be oriented or focused on the opposite but that doesn’t mean you can’t put or focus on something else for a bit.
We already have the history, in the past homosexual was the norm in man cultures. Sorry, humans didn’t change but the “rules” and stigmas did.
I love your statement ALLEN ! So tired of females beinfna factor in discussions of sexuality on a site for Men who love Men . Men ,Cock, Balls, Scrotum , Asshole . Can we have one place in this world that isn’t tainted by that other crap?!?!?
Men are like water and electricity, they always go the path of least resistance. I have over the course of two years I have sucked off 3 to 4 dozen married men and with each of them it is the same, ultimately they are not getting what they want at home and bi and gay guys are easier to get what they want.
This was a very well written and expressed article. I’m gay myself but I can say from personal experience that a lot of these assumptions are correct, especially the portion, “The typical Str8 male often approaches sexual activity similar to his participation…in other male-bonding activities.” Please don’t get the wrong impression—I’m not out ‘poaching’ married guys. However, I’ve had genuine friendships with a couple of guys who were in committed straight relationships who were also open minded and who wanted a little more. Neither of my friends thought of it as being faggy, (said by the second guy) but just as sincere curiosity and bit of fun.
I love the sanctimonious condescending tone from the gold card gay guys on here. Perhaps u should go read all the comments on the “I don’t want to b gay anymore” blog entry from a few days ago. The gay community is the most dysfunctional group of mean spirited back stabbing agesist clickeist pathetic “community” I have ever seen. I am a proud HIV Positive happily married bisexual who has been married for 25 years. I told my wife I was Bi before we got married. We are a sero discordant couple and quite happy. There is no hiding or cheating. I love my man sex I just don’t see the need to build a lifestyle around it, and giving the one that has been built I really don’t want any part of it. And before u sling mud at these bi guys I can’t tell you how many gay married men who have been with their partners for many years sneak around on them! I have actually fucked both spouses of one couple who made me swear to keep our liason on the Dl. They are both fucking around without being honest to each other!! Just because you are gay, doesn’t mean everyone is like you. That is a closed minded world view on par with the right wing Christians that wanna burn all fags on a stick or throw them off a tall building. 🙂
Call it what u want but hookups with str8 guys is uber HOT!
This article describes my life perfectly. My first bisexual experience was me in the right place at the right time. I had been without sex for over 6 months and me and a guy friend were discussing how little sex we were having. He asked if I would be into the two of us watching porn and masturbating. I agreed. When he pulled his cock out I was so overwhelmed. I sat and watched him stroke this huge cock as I stocked mine. I was so turned on that several minutes in to watching him I took a chance and reached over and gripped his cock and started stroking it. I was so scared until he moved his hand and leaned back and let me stroke him. The next thing I know I was sucking this guy’s huge cock and then we were completely nude and I was moaning and grunting as he was fucking me hard as hell. Best sex I have ever had..
I’m amazed at the insensitivity and judgment whenever a topic like this comes up. And especially from gay guys, who after all they’ve gone through, should know better.
No one – and I mean NO ONE – has the right to label another person. Period.
If that person was born with a dick but identifies as a woman, we should respect that.
If that biracial guy chooses to identify as one race and not the other, we should respect that.
If guy identifies as straight, but likes the sensation of giving oral sex to another guy, who cares? Only he can determine whether he is straight, gay, bi, flex, curious, or whatever.
Sex means different things to different people. And so do these labels. Just because you feel that liking sucking dick makes you gay, doesn’t mean that everyone has to follow your same definition of gayness. Or straightness.
My grandma used to say, “if he wants to put a propeller in his butt and call himself an airplane, what’s it to you?”
Live and let live, guys. We’ll all be better off.
The truth is sexuality is often a spectrum for many people. Many people tend to be bisexual and not act on it. But many married and or so called straight men have sex with men. Many are attracted obviously to both or why have sex with both. If your wife won’t have sex with you and you are totally straight, you will get a girlfriend or a mistress. But many people are truly attracted to both sexes. A lot of militant gays will not accept this, but it is true. The thing is with a guy you can have sex with him and no other relationship. That is often not possible with a woman. So men in relationships with women will often have sex with men as there are no strings but clearly they also have to have some bisexuality or why fuck or blow they guy. There are millions of men like this out there, always have been, always will be. And it’s great for them. But they take the risk of her finding out, as after all she is a person. It is a tricky situation, but many people, men and women, live double lives and all kinds of other people in the second life are happy to have no strings sex. I always say, most men can be bi/gay as long as no one finds out.
Well, this has certainly been a parade of emotionally-arrested men. Stop justifying yourselves and your shitty cheating. I’m really glad i’m not a heterosexual woman stuck in a marriage with any of you delusional cheaters. Grow a pair, you spineless faggots.
Interesting discussion. I’m in the same situation and if I had to guess more then 50% of the members here are too. “Can’t host” = someone at home, most likely female. As the line from the song goes “I love the one I’m with..” I think a better term is simply “flexible sexually”. I’ve been known to hire a female escort one night and the next night a rentboy (Prague is wonderful that way..) and enjoy both. If I could have arranged it I would have both at once.
I find it curious there is such anger by some gays againt sexually flexible guys. We’re not putting you down, we don’t think we’re better than you. We just have a more varied appetite.
If it feels good. . Do it (safely).
It is interesting to see bias here when gays have been subjected to so much bias, denial, and ideas that they really weren’t gay, could “get over it”, etc. Kinsey in his original report said that sexuality was a spectrum and people are on different places on it. There are also different spectrums, sexual and affectational. The former is all you seem to be talking about, but there is the latter which is emotional or romantic. I am straight when it comes to affectational orientation, but I am bisexual in sexual orientation, though I am more hetero than homosexually oriented. I think you can tell a bisexual man if he doesn’t do all the things gay men do. Gay men are both sexually and affectionally oriented towards men. Truly straight men are sexually and affectionally oriented towards women. Bisexual men can be at all parts of that spectrum, but this means they can come in different flavors. I am sexually more flexible than affectionally. I am not interested in kissing, hugging, dating, living with, or otherwise having a romantic connection with men. I like doing that with women. I also like having sex with women, and I mainly watch straight porn. Sex with men developed and was expressed slowly and is limited to sucking cock and getting fucked. I don’t top and do not find male asses attractive for fucking. When I top, I top women. When I am with a man, I bottom. I let guys suck me off as they can be quite good at it, but women sucking cock turns me on more and I am more likely to come from it. I often watch straight porn or imagine women when getting sucked off. Male sex is about the power of getting a man off, and I enjoy that aspect of it. Unlike women in general, men are just into the sex. They like coming and coming often. It is raw, impersonal sex, which you can’t get with women. This side of me developed so slowly that I didn’t think of it as an orientation at all, just something affected by thinking about and reinforcing through masturbation over the years. But after 30 years, I figure it was always there, just not strong enough for it to make itself felt strongly. If it weren’t for anonymous sex, in Adult Book Stores, rest areas, bathrooms, and now online with A4A, it may never have expressed itself at all. Maybe people who are flexible like that change over time. For all the judgment laid at our door for cheating and so on, this is really more because of how society is structured. It is easy for a person with a “polarized” orientation to say they are with one person, but a “nonpolarized” person has to deny one part or another of themselves because one person cannot be both sexes, and there is no room in the structure for accommodating that. Exerything is based on exclusivity, especially in the straight world. Also, for many bisexual men, it is easier since culturally accepted to conform in the beginning to heteronormativity, get married under those pretenses, but then discover when all is said and done that the bargain is a Faustian one. I think most bisexual men do not think having sex with men is cheating because neither are the partners women nor is there any affectational connection with these men. This is purely sex, not affairs. It is similar to the idea that masturbation isn’t cheating because it has nothing to do with the bargain. Of course, there is deceit, and that is unfortunate, but that is as much a fault of culture which doesn’t accept or apportion a place for bisexuality, than those trapped in heteronormative relationships (even gay marriage is heteronormative). I hope that instead of telling bisexuals what they really are and really interested in, and immediately judging how they have to live their lives, that more of you would simply listen to those conveying the bisexual experience, as you have been listened to. Bisexuality is the next real liberation for GBLT. I hope that those who come after me will feel more free to express themselves explicitly and truly, from the beginning, and be actually respected, even by gay men. For now, I will have to be satisfied with gay men who tolerate my sexuality because they want to get in my pants.
Gay men know how to pleasure their partners or lovers better than the so called straight bisexual dudes. We are more passionate and thorough in the art of sex from foreplay to acrobatic anal play than these wishy washy guys that don’t have the guts to admit they love gay sex. Perhaps it’s just easier to get laid or blown by or from another guy and much less work than courting a woman in order to get to her third base. Or it’s just the thrill of getting caught for doing something taboo not yet widely accepted. Then at the of the day these straight bi guys come back to their wives and girlfriends and act like nothing happened. No matter how many excuses they try to tell you it all comes down to show how selfish and coward they are toward the people they have relations with regardless of being gay or straight. I bet not many ladies would want to stick around if they heard their straight guys insisted on regular extra homosexual activities. Take it up in the ass like a real man! Hey if you don’t want any label then own up to it by admitting that you only love sex and cant get enough of it from guys and girls or whatever moves. Pansexual?
Myself, I am Bi and currently single. Sounds like some guys on here are glorifying having sex outside of marriage, whether it’s with a man or another women. If a guy is in a sexless marriage, talk to her and try to resolve the issue. Why risk getting caught and destroying the marriage/women? or more important, bring a STD/Hiv/Aids into the household?
I know we as men love to have sex and need it on a regular basis, but come on! Ooh, what if the couple has kids? that adds another dimension to the story. SMH! Just my opinion.
Okay, I don’t really care if a guy is gay or bisexual that’s on him. What bother’s me is the str8 guys that act out and call the gay guys f***ots and all these other names when they know they just had some kind of relation a few days ago. It’s demeaning to a gay guy when a “str8” guy only wants to use him for sex, that’s rude especially when you’re in a relationship with a female, just be comfortable with your sexually and be upfront if you like guys and girls just embrace it. You’re bisexual.
I am bisexual and open about it to my girlfriend. I have to say it is extremely selfish to cheat on your wife. No matter what your EXCUSE is. It is not okay to cheat and lie to people especially those who you say you love. You truly only care about yourself. Its wrong to deceive people in that way. GET a divorce and move on with your life. But don’t waste someone else’s life by cheating them. They can be with someone who truly deserves them because you obviously do not. It is wrong and you truly should feel ashamed!
I was bi in highschool. A short marriage was the beginning of the end of my bi days. Guys are much easier to deal with. Guys treat sex like a sports activity with the usual competitive drive. Guys don’t break as easy so you can get crazier and its more intense. Young guys I hook up with do the bi thing to maintain status in the hetero group. When no one is around it is quite different, more relaxed and intimate than a quick load.
Gentlemen,
For those of you who have a biological marker that defines you as a homosexual man and can relate to the world of a gay lifestyle, please understand that there are MANY MEN who are heterosexual with homosexual tendencies.
Being “Gay” as i believe many of you have fought for that identity requires acceptance of a lifestyle, culture, language, definition and attitude beyond sucking and getting fucked by another male.
So, NO, if a heterosexual guy likes sucking on cock and fucking, does NOT make him GAY. You MUST get over that definition as there are many, many, many men who married or with girl friends who have the least desire to be inclusive in the “gay lifestyle”. There are very happy in their “straight” relationships and could not see themselves living any other way.
Bisexuality is a misnomer. The human sexual experience does not turn on and off. I have chatted with so many men who claim “bisexuality” but for years have not had sexual intercourse with a woman. I would rather have them say, “I am a homosexual man with heterosexual tendencies”. That would be more accurate.
Yes, I get the frustration of Gay men who are bothered by the fact that some heterosexual men cannot be honest with their sexual identity and declare their true homosexuality. But, there must be an understanding that if you have a sexual scale of 0 to 10 and 0 being Heterosexuality and 10 Homosexuality (could be the opposite) that one is born with a sexual marker that will determine your sexual proclivity but there are many factors that allow for that number go up or down. For example if one is born a 2.8 Heterosexual male but are molested aa child and thus sexualized to homosexuality, then that marker may move upward to the homosexual scale pass the midway point of a 5. There are other factors to homosexual desire being anthropological, environmental, psychological and mental that will take a longer space to explain.
So, please, understand that homosexual and heterosexual intentions are derived from a complicated continuance that is not easily explained “if a guy likes dick, then he is gay”…..
Interesting! 🙂
Jon let’s chat. Older4play
Chil_Cruise,
Very well written points of view! Never heard of heteroflexibility. Interesting.
I very much appreciated your point that for most married men and those with girlfriends are not inclined to leave them and their lifestyle because the enjoy a nice cock and ass once in a while.
And you are correct! The numbers will skew more to Heterosexual Men being Tops and not Bottoms!
Just an historical insight – Homosexuality practiced by the ancient Greeks and Romans had its limits. The male form and person was seen as superior to the female.Homosexual relationships were seen as rites of passage and part of establishing dominance older over younger until the younger man became older and more powerful, then it was his turn to initiate a new relationship. Seldom seen as long term “romantic” commitments. The notion of homosexual “marriage” was absent and not at all sanctioned.
Good article. I am a 50 year old divorced gay man that has always enjoyed sex with men. Although I did love my x wife and enjoyed sex with her, I missed being with a man. I myself am the submissive type and would be the bottom for a dominant type man. On this site I have found a few men that I only service. Oddly enough they are in their 20’s. Ever since I was 12 I love to give Dominant guys blow jobs. Of course that ended when I got married. Now that I am single again, I have been making up for the 20 years I was married. One young married guy pays a visit a few times a week.
There is no conversation and no recip. As one young man tells me, I am exactly what he was looking for. For me it is a mental orgasm. The better he feels the better I feel. And it is not just a plain ole blow job. I am the kind that lets them fulfill their oral fantasies their wives would never want to do. Forced oral and a good face/throat pounding are big turn on’s for me. They enjoy this.
Bi bottom guy here, love eating a good hot pussy! Love sucking dick too! Not sure if I like one better than the other. I’ve sucked a lot more dick than pussy. Just the way it works out .Recently got turned on to getting fucked. Yes I do love it. Last year I met this hot younger black guy with beautiful 9″ hard on. Some of the best sex I ever had, I nutted twice while he’s pounding me. When finished I asked him if he was gay, bi what. He told me he was straight! I was surprised, he just fucked another man. And said he’s staight. LOL what ever he sure had some good dick. I’ll take it anytime.
I am in a similar situation as a lot of the guys who have posted. I am married a long time, my wife seems to have no interest in sex. I knew growing up I was always curious, and one day I crossed the line. It seems like a good way for release and connection finding other guys who don’t want to take apart their families just to have sex. I could also have sought out connection/sex with another woman, but that could have lead to much higher complications than sex with another guy who most likely doesn’t have a long term agenda. I don’t think it really matter what you call it gay, bi, or straight with a hobby, but families deal with all kinds of issues that can be far more destructive than safe sex. I’ve tried to compartmentalize my activities to protect my family and professional life. Sometimes I feel like it all works then other times it seems like I’m only fooling myself. Thanks for the post it’s cathartic to hear from others traveling down the same path.
Very accurate article though I am a bi, married, top and love to top. I would love to find those ‘straight’ bottoms and make them happy, over and over again.
Why is it that “if you’re not exactly like me, there must be something wrong with one of us”?
So in the 60’s, straights got their “sexual revolution” (and we tagged on a little). Now, 50 years later, gays are having own.
Just as men learned in the 60s that women liked sex too, and women in the 80s discovered their g-spot, now men and women alike are discovering that sex between people of the same gender is fun too!
Hooray for our new discoveries 🙂
But trying to use our old labels to describe our new behaviors just isn’t working well…
Isn’t the whole concept of “Str8/Bisexual” activity nothing more than another reason for “real gays’ (the supposed holders of the gay “brand” and supposed makers of the rules for “what is gay and what it not” as well as “who is gay and who is not”) to bring drama to the world by holding contempt for anyone who doesn’t fit their narrow stereotype for gays (young [or once was young but now are often bitter older and … still … alone], urban, trendy, smooth, fem, queen, etc.)?
Guys come in a variety of shapes, sizes, ethnicities, races, ages, builds, etc. It’s a given then that:
– Some are attracted sexually only to women (are these “true” or “real” straights?)
– Some are attracted sexually to women and men, and
– Some are attracted sexually only to men (are these ‘true” or “real” gays?).
Over the years (decades actually), many guys looked at stereotypical gays they’d seen in public and said “I’m gay, but I’m NOT that.” They would, therefore, become “functionally straight”, hiding their like for men under a straight guy facade. Many lived out whole lives quite successfully under the facade. With advent of the internet, however, many of these guys have been able to find guys “just like me” (seemingly “all male” straight guys) and have built long term “relationships” based upon a hobby they had in common … mansex.
For some of these guys, there is no sex in their marriages. For others, they maintain sexual relationships with their spouses. It’s all just part of the “fabric”.
For many “real gays”, this “inconsistency” fuels their need to label everyone and everything. It brings on another reason for many in the “community” to bring out the hate.
Sad, really. It seems the “functionally straight” gays are making tremendous headway. They’re building fulfilling relationships with all kinds of people, men and women alike.
So maybe the labeling and hating should be dropped. Everyone should just focus on their own beds.
Like many other guys commenting on this, you have also described me. Since a few years after my wife’s hysterectomy, our marital relationship has declined to mere friendship, companionship and mutual financial support. But since I do still crave sexual satisfaction, I usually pursue it with other men. I do this with my wife’s consent, as long as I am careful, descrete and do not “flaunt” (my wife’s terminology) my gay liasons.
Even though I do participate in sexual activity with other guys and enjoy it immensely, (and have done so for many years, even before my marriage to my present wife), I also know I would really prefer having sex with my wife or another woman.
But for some reason, my wife has told me that even though she does not object to my my gay liasons (she herself is also bisexual, was when we met a long-time girlfriend) she would be extremely upset with me if I took another woman as my lover.
So, now, I merely dally with who I can, when I can and when I can.
I don’t understand why in todays society everyone has to be labeled as Straight, Bi or Gay.
In my life of just a little over 50 years I guess if I have to have a label placed on me then I have been Straight, Bi and Gay.
Most of my adult life has been spent living and dealing with two different women and dealing with all of the drama and moods that go with them in order to just get a little sexual satisfaction so I guess if I have to have a label it would be straight.
After spending most of my adult life dealing with the lack of sexual satisfaction I started experimenting with sex with men mostly just blow jobs and enjoyed it but I still liked to look at a pretty woman and wanted to have sex with them so I guess my label would be bi.
Now at this point in my life after 20 years of marriage to a moody wife and years of a sexless marriage I have recently separated and have been having more sex with men.
I have found that I like to suck cocks and have anal sex. And I have found that don’t have to deal with all of drama and moods just to get some sexual satisfaction.
I have noticed since I have been having more sex with men almost all of them say that they are straight and are just having sex with me for something that they can’t get at home. I don’t understand how they can say they are straight after they have just let me suck their cock or had anal sex with me.
I guess they don’t want to admit that they are not as straight as they think they are but just don’t want to admit it because they are afraid of what others will think of them. So at this point in my life I enjoy having sex with men so my label is gay and I am happy with my life..
As long as you are happy with your life what does it matter if you have sex with a man or a woman.
How many other men trying to hook up with me can say they are happy with their life??
Why do we need to have labels of Straight, Bi or Gay??
if you enjoy sex with the same gender you’re not straight. most of you are trying to distance yourselves from gay/bi people due to internalized homophobia.
Anyone reading comments may find Dr. Joe Kort’s the web site
“Straightguise.com” an interesting read.
I am a married guy and my wife was disabled 20 years ago. During that time I was attracted to and hit on by other women. I never went there because of my own emotional vulnerability to women. I knew that having an affair with another woman would be the end of my marriage to the woman I loved and the end of my support for her.
Then six years ago a young guy at my gym befriended me and introduced me to the pleasures of sex with another guy. We discussed both our situations and there was no romantic entanglement between us. I had not realized how much I had missed being sexually intimate with another person. A lot of people would condemn my behavior-but I am thankful that at least one guy did not.
Ok… soI recently found out my husband has been getting on this site and having personal conversations with other men and meeting them to hook up… I love him and I pretty much figred out he had that partvof him that he hates about himself But he can not help himself when he is craving it. I can see him fighting with himself in his head all the time and it hurts. Bc I dont feel I mean anything to him… he treats me like crap bc I still choose to Love him but I do not accept him lying and cheating.Then treateding me like he does. So I figured I love him for who he is and I dont want to change that. I must admit some of the conversations actually turn me on… all I begged of him was not to let talking on here take away from time I deserve And that he not try to lie or hide it from me anymore and no meeting anyone unless I am with and then its me And him in same room with a guy couple… I mean I dont know how ill handle it but im going to try… as long as he does not cheat, lie or make me feel like im in competition im willing to meet him half way and maybe join just to to curve that craving. and trust me this isnt for lack of sex… bc I love sex more than 6 times a day is always a must… does anyone have anything that might help me with this? Bc im tired of lies and secrets. .. I want no worries. … life is to hard as it is? Please help
I find it funny when people try to fit an individual into any category. I love sex with both men and women.
If i like chicken, does that mean I can’t like steak, too?
The main point that is missed in the article and most posters have over looked too, is not that he bi, straight, gay or even polysexual for that matter. But that he is cheating and how does everyone deal with that drama. The old tired story my wife is not sexual anymore is Bull$hit.
Well man up and solve the problem, I tell these guys. Decide your going to be a polyamory person and give all your partners an informed choice. That includes your wife who you most likely said you would forsake all others for when you married her. Or just walk out and get divorced if your sexual play is just that important.
A cheater is cheater and who wants that type of person in your sexual life?? Just a different shade of lair.
Once your on your own then you can figure out were your sexual spectrum is and figure out the rest of it.
I agree almost entirely with this article. I am recently divorced and I still love women and I would like to re-marry. But, I definitely have sexual desires for a man,and I absolutely love the thought of being a bottom. My theory is that I would like to do something that I can’t do with a woman….. and that means involving a cock.
This is funny.. You are not straight if you engage in sex with another man… so get that straight LOL and guys that claim they are straight, or bi and having sex with a man ore the worse men to get involved with..they will have sex with anything or anyone no matter if other woman is married or what ever… I find it funny how people try to rationalize their bad behavior… and how they say it is not cheating if their partner is not providing the sex they want (not need) so with this said …say all you want but the facts speak for the behavior and whatever you want to say to rationalize your behavior is just stupid ..get divorced or be single then do what you want…
After I got my dander up over the boycott blog I decided to check out more of Daveyboys blogs and David, friend, buddy, I gotta ask where on the label spectrum do you fall because as I read this article I am reading you orate on the motivations of straight men and I am curious where you gathered your details of the straight bi and gay psyche and I have to ask what’s the point? What’s the goal of this blog? I feel its an assumption and a rather blanket one that manages to not only impress that sexuality is diverse but requires labels. When do we get past this? Born this way? Turned that way? Made to be gay pretending to be straight, its sex. Who cares who you have it with or why?
It’s a totally different world today. Back in the 1978 time frame when exciting high school at age 18 there was too much stigma for 99% of us who went on to college, married and lived life behind a facade. Most of knew at age 13 we might like Guys. I knew back in Jr High swim class when we all had to wear the same black speedo suits. But we did what was necessary to grow up have a career and family. Some of us are still stuck behind the facade due to careers and family. Bi? gay or straight its just a term.
I am glad that young men today are free to live their lives as gay men. No facade. Acceptance by most of America and especially their loved ones.
Married, bisexual and not cheating on my wife… She is always informed on when I’m going to possibly meet up with another guy.. She’s even met some of them..
Any possibly way of getting the name of the club mentioned in the blog?
Just wanted to say thank you, it so nice to read about other guys and their sexual experiences. I’m a single bisexual man and only have had a few sexual encounters with men, so far I’ve only tried oral sex, not certain if I want to go beyond that. I understand when some write they are emotionally attracted to woman, and only physically attracted to men.
I wish I could live openly, not experience guilt, and just get my nut off without any remorse.
i find it amusing how gay men would insist that bisexuals do not exist. If your not one then how would you not doubt? Same way a straight guy can just want a nut or found himself in a predicament and did the deed for cash. If he still identifies himself as straight well, that’s cause that’s his mindset. You wouldn’t see it as such because your mindset is different
Any person who say that if you suck a cock or take a cock in the ass, is only gay, then you are a fool. I like sex with women and I like sex with men. It is all in the brain, the inter depths of the mind. I have always liked to eat a hot pussy and to fuck one too. I have experienced both at the same time a cock and pussy. Best of both worlds, been fucked by women with a strapon and that was fun as well. Still like to get fuck by women all the time. Still like to be with men and be fucked. The anal region is a pure turn on, no matter which sex you are with, it feels good. I have felt love towards many women and lust as well. I have only felt lust toward men, never love. So am I bisexual, you are damn right I am. Give me both sexes at the same time, it is pure lust. period end of story
funny…the group that clamours the most for tolerance is the most intolerant when it comes to bisexuals. I love sex with men more than women, but I do still occaisionally settle for a woman. If you think gay men don’t cheat on their partners, you are high on crack!! If my wife knew what I think about to get it up for her…well she wouldn’t be around for long!
My gf and I are both very promiscuous. I’ve had numerous men fuck me, and she is a stripper who does the same.
The reality of discrete anonymous sex would blow the average persons mind. FYI ever man that’s ever fucked me, did so bareback, same with my gf. Hundreds of sex partners…