Speak Out : Preferences
I don’t know when we started saying this…or writing it, really since it appeared on profiles all over the apps and internet websites that we use for “dating”. It must have originated somewhere, and like all things PC it seemed a way to make something a little uncomfortable feel a little more easy to stomach.
“If you are fat, ugly, Asian or black don’t message me. Sorry, just my preference”.
“Only into white guys who are masculine and fit. Not, repeat NOT, into blacks, Asians, fatties, oldies or fems. Don’t get pissed; it’s just my preference.”
Statements like these confuse me. How could someone NOT get angry over a statement like that? It’s like me showing up to a family dinner at your house and saying, “I’m not sure I want to eat this because your fat, ugly mother cooked it. Hey, don’t get mad it’s just my preference”. The statement itself is not some magical band-aid that suddenly makes everything better. The words are hateful and cruel. Hateful and cruel things are specifically geared to hurt people and cause damage.
I tried to understand. It makes sense to me that a gay man would want to connect with someone that they are genuinely attracted to, but I think the problem is that we fail to draw the correct etiquette because we have nothing telling us exactly what is expected of us. The apps don’t come out directly and say “this app is designed so that you can specifically find someone to have sex with”. They sell themselves as “dating” apps, and what in the hell does that even mean to your average gay guy? Most peoples’ version of dating is laughable at best. Everyone knows the jokes; “Oh, Mark and Alex are totally in love…they’ve been together for a whole month…a whole month!!!” We chuckle at the absurdity of people who fall in love because they have the same colour eyes or they both happen to like True Blood. We laugh ourselves into six pack abdominal muscles over guys who spend one night having sex and then are madly in love with each other the next morning. Somewhere in our minds we understand that actual romance is much more complex than “hey! we both like oxygen!”
So if my goal was to only have sex, “just my preference” would make a little more sense to me. If I’m shopping for something to wear and you hand me something I don’t like…it’s not insulting to say “I don’t think so…let me look at something else” – so I believe that translates to hooking up. But many of us are not ONLY looking to hook up and we go on these “dating” websites and apps because we are actually looking to date. We meet up on the hunting grounds and then get pulverized by men who are in no way interested in dating. Seduction is either an art or a performance of manipulation to those who don’t do it well. If I know your profile says “looking for conversation, dates and gentlemen” and I want to fuck you…I will converse, ask you out on a date and be a gentleman because that is the language that will catch your attention. That is if I’m actually looking to date you. If I’m looking to have sex, I’ll use those same qualities to get in your bed and then move on to the next profile.
But in the end…it’s still ugly. It’s still mean and it’s still cruel. The same people who huff and say “oh you just don’t understand, you’re being ridiculous!” are the same people who have “just my preference” on their profile and we’re basically teaching gay guys to isolate one another and segregate one another but try to make it sound very logical and pretty. After all, it’s just my preference.
Racism and discrimination are exactly those things, and putting “just my preference” tacked to the end of it doesn’t make it prettier. We need to understand that it’s okay to say hello to people who are not exactly your sexual preference. If your profile says “looking for friends” then don’t be an asshole when someone messages you trying to make a friend. If your profile says “I say hi to everyone; I’m very friendly” then don’t be rude and ignore people who actually say hi to you because you’re “so friendly”. If you can’t say hi to someone because they’re too ugly for you, then you need to change your profile to reflect that. “Hi…I’m friendly, but only to [these] people” or “hi, i’m only looking for sex…and [these] are the people I enjoy having sex with. Not looking to expand my sexual preference”. I could accept a profile like that. It might not make me happy, especially if I don’t happen to fit into those parameters, but I can’t get angry at you when you have what you want so blatantly explained.
If you can’t sit down and have a cup of coffee with someone because they’re fat, [enter race], older, younger, etc. then that isn’t “just my preference”, it’s your basic discrimination and [whatever]ism. Learn to separate what you want sexually with your basic social interaction, and learn to communicate exactly what you want with those things. But we have to quit hurting one another with these ridiculous phrases we come up with in order to mask the uglier side of being gay. If we do that…I think we have a pretty promising future both with one another and society in general.
A4A member : MakeMeABird
Just dont read it, there is something called free speech liberals…. duh
So very well said!!! All so true!
I’ve never been conscious on the color of my skin until when I moved in the US some years ago. Somehow, there are people who are not akin to hook up or date an Asian man. It puzzled me at first but learned to accept the fact that I could not change people because in the US one’s skin color is part of the criteria.
Why would I wallow and devote time to people who are not going to be comfortable with my presence? And yes, I admit, when in comes to hooking up or potential date, I do have preference. Who doesn’t?
However, one should not misconstrue preference for potential date or hookup with bigotry. To say one is racist or bigot because he prefers to date white only is illogical. We should not interpret that in any other way than the way it is: just someone’s standards for potential mate. And if for some unfortunate reason you fell short of their standard, then move on. Life isn’t easy, Life isn’t fair. Stop being cry babies because someone didn’t like you. You can’t force people to like you but you can make yourself likable.
Now, if you sent someone an email or note on these dating sites and you didn’t receive reply, big deal!!! Did the other person ask you to email him? Replying to emails on these dating sites is a prerogative, not a requirement.
Should one acknowledge receipt of an email from someone? Not necessarily. If I didn’t ask for the communication, why would I acknowledge it? And again, there is nothing racist or bigot about not acknowledging an unsolicited communication. The receiver acted on his prerogative not to acknowledge the same way the sender acted on his prerogative to send an unsolicited email.
A4A memner: iowadude52401
I’m one of those “targeted” by those comments. I’ve come to realize that, tactless as those comments may seem, it has more to do with the white majority’s tendency to self segregate and the unwillingness to learn about other cultures, which, believe it or not, I kind of understand. Personally, I find attractive men in every culture, so I don’t discriminate in that regard. Then again, there are so many white bottoms around that an older, not-so-buff, minority guy has almost no chance in hell in finding a hook-up partner, much less an LTR partner. Sorry to sound so gloom, but that’s been my experience.
I come across a lot of profiles like this in adam and it amazes me that some still msg me after reading my profile. I fine these ppl very ignorant and it’s sad to see it sometimes. I automatically block these profiles. These ppl life will pass by and they have no idea. Everyone has a preference but some are just so rude about it that I wouldn’t even give them the time of day, and most don’t know the difference between preference And attraction
I completely understand where you’re coming from, reading this whole blog, however I have to disagree. Im a pretty friendly guy (or at least Id like to think so). I respond to almost every person to message me, unless of course I get really bad vibes from said person. I however would like to throw out, I try my best to consistently describe who I am and what Im looking for. I don’t use the term “just my preference” however I do use the term, you know better! Meaning I dont want drug dealers, prostitutes, escorts, gentleman my grandpas age, ect messaging me. You may be attractive, however those are not the kind of people I would ever find myself hanging around. Those are not the kind of people I would enjoy conversing with at any point in time. Do I feel the need to post “just my preference”? No because that should be implied and you really should use your best judgement.
As for trying to strike up a conversation on one of said “dating” sites. Im pretty laid back and I usually approach people in one of two ways. I will either say hello just as a normal conversation offline would start, or I will throw them a compliment based on their profile or looks. I will say hello if Im truly interested and want to strike up a conversation, otherwise Im throwing out a compliment and leaving it in their hands. Its incredibly rude and insulting to just not reply, (something I rarely do) however is someone like that a person Id enjoy meeting with? Probably not, it says quite a bit about them and how they interact and treat other people. So take is as a hint or lesson or however you’d like to see it, and walk away feeling like the better man because you have one less person to lookout for on your search.
I think this was addressed once recently. In one way, I understand it: if you are really into Gingers, Blacks, Daddies, then stating that is fine. Saying you are into this or that seems fine, as we all have are preferences. I think it is the way it is said. Just state what interests you or turns your head, but stating what you are not into and/or doing harshly is not needed and rude.
I would rather have someone state what they like or don’t like so I do not waste my time. But guys can be so mean online (and in person, but not so much). But I am glad they those guys are honest – the way they write their profile speaks volumes on their character…volumes! Even if I fit what they are looking for, I would not bother with them at all.
I must admit that I’m getting a bit tired of these blog post about preferences. Although the various writers attempt to name them differently in various topics, the subject matter are pretty much the same — and eventually end up with similar comments: It’s not about race but a preferences, blah, blah, blah. If you truly want to end the comments that are offensive to others….and “no fats”, “No blacks”, “No old dudes” can be taken as being offensive…then adjust the sight design and allow people to enter “INTOS” of “PREFERENCES” for others. Currently, people are free to shop around for a cut, smoker, Sagittarius, Latino who drinks and uses drugs socially — but a user can’t simply specify on their profile with a click that they’re open or not open to “interracial”, “Older”, etc. As a result of that inability, people write, “No Latinos”, “No Asians”, “No oldies.” Other sites (Manhunt, AFF, Men4sexnow) have been doing this for years.
Personally, I think everybody is entitled to their opinion, and by extension, their preferences. People have the capacity and right to like what they like and not like what they don’t like. We should not have to like everything and everybody just because it is the nice thing to do. However, our preferences should not be hurtful, nor should we be hounded by individuals who disagree with our individual preferences. There are plenty of people on this site to choose from–if you dislike or disagree with one person’s preferences, move on to the next profile.
I totally agree. I love the ones that claim to be so open and friendly, just say hi, and you can’t get a response back if you tried to. Oh, and have you noticed how the phrase “I am easy going and friendly, easy to get along with”, but what that popular phrase here tells anyone, “only if you are what I am looking for”, that to me isn’t totally true of that popular phrase I mentioned here. Gay people are there own worse enemys. I think gay life sometime was easier when we was still in the closet. There was way less attitude then there is now. Everyone in there own mirror thinks they are gods gift, trust me, none of us are the perfect guy, I don’t care how pretty you think you are.
May I share a funny anecdote? Well, here goes.
A fellow on CL wanted to suck some dick. He sounded pretty hungry so I thought ‘what they hey.’
So I sent him my best cockpic.
Back comes a reply in cap locks as in the above title.
My thoughts: Damn, he’s good at his cocks; sorry I’ve so inconvenienced you; whatever; why didn’t you just ignore the response.
Best to say what you like rather than what you would reject, for example,
White guy looking for other white guys (ok I get it)
Dark completions +++
Asians +++
Latinos +++
Muscular +++
Bears to the front of the line
Lately, age preference has become an issue. Hurtful things like “no people younger than 40” How do you suppose that makes younger fellows feel? IMO its best to say things like “seeking 40-55” The reader will get the message.
U are so damn right. I had to check a black guy on here. To me nothing worse then a blackman hateing other black. Then I talked to a white guy who hated anyone who not white. I had to let him know gays are just as hated as blacks. I dont get how some gays can hate anyone? Do they not forget how we are still hated? the fact that we are being discrimination against every single day? I really dont get it?
I have to agree it like there parents or friends never taught them manners. I had a guy that I sent a smile say “Sry I don’t do fat and ugly”. He wasn’t no prize but he was cute until he says that. I sent back saying “no need to be rude a simple not interested would have sufficed”. He then responded “hey just being honest”. It was completely wierd I had never come across that kind of trash before. Some find me attractive and some find me gourgous I’m a daddy bear and he just didn’t like that. I have crome across guys that were bigger then me and way older and some that are sleazy. But I don’t get rude I just say “Sry not my type” if they get rude I just block them. It like they are trying to shame people in to confirming to there body type.
It like when parents used to try and shame bed weters into not weting by hanging sheets out of windows. It didn’t work and only hurt the child.
I’m boy sure there is a good way to say what your into but best can be HWP. So basically list what you want not what you don’t.
I completely understand the topic… But at the same time, if I’m not into black, Asian, chubby, older or feminine guys, what do I do? Fuck/date them? I’m not into them so why would I do that? Tell every one that messages me no? That’s a lot of work and pointless. Why not put it in your profile? That’s my personal thought and while the author may Disagree with me, we all like what we like. Trying to like what we don’t like may end up fine, but it may also not.
This part is more… Harsh. So… Why in the heck should I date a black guy if I don’t like him? Am I racist? No, I just don’t want to date them. Am I being an asshole If I don’t want to fuck a 50 year old? No, maybe that’s creepy to me. Everyone has their preference. D like it, suck it up and move on. Don’t complain about it because it’s pointless honestly.
This is a touchy subject. On the one hand, no one is obligated to hold conversations or meet up with someone just because that someone initiated a conversation. There is no wrong or right way to handle such a situation either. People react differently to different situations. The politically correct manner of handling such a situation, however, would be to respectfully decline the advance.
On the other hand, the ‘it’s my preference’ argument is a new form of racism, sexism (whatever)ism. I don’t think, however, lumping all of these isms together is correct. To say “no blacks/asians/etc” is problematic because, in essence, you are saying, “I prefer not to interact with you because of the colour of your skin or your presumed cultural background”. It is racist because you assume that someone is a certain way (a way that makes them unattractive) because of their skin, an attribute they cannot change. It is racist because you are perpetuating a belief system built on the ideas that a set of characteristics are more desirable than others, and so the ‘others’ should stay away.
Lisa Duggan wrote an interesting article on what she calls “homonormativity”. Homonormativity, she asserts, is the belief that homosexuality is only acceptable if it mirrors heterosexuality. So, gay men are men, and (heterosexual) men are masculine. Therefore, gay men should all be masculine. As a consequences of chasing acceptance into a heteronormative society, Duggan argues, the LGBT community has become obsessed with the issue of ‘gay marriage’ at the cost of marginalizing other issues (such as the treatment of Trans individuals). The problem with making gay marriage the main focus is that, it paints a very particular image of the community; that of the young, masculine, rich, white couple who are just like heterosexual men (and are therefore safe to be accepted into the norm). This image is then taken to be the ideal, which results in the various isms that are floating around now.
Removing these isms, takes more than just appealing to “moral decency”. It requires a recognition that we’re all playing on a heteronormative playing field that uses heteronormative rules to grant inclusion. It requires that we all stand up as a proud and diverse community that demands equal respect. Only then can we see that being granted “respect” as long as you fit into the accepted category (young, masculine, rich and/or white) is completely unacceptable.
Understand your privileges gentlemen, and recognize that people who do not have the luxury of the same privilege are fighting a hard battle. Love and respect one another because we’re all human. Yes I have a preference, but no I will not treat a person like less of a human because of it. If we were all from the same mould, the LGBT flag would not look so colourful. It would not be so beautiful.
A4A: NoShoesNoShirts
*slow clap*
couldn’t agree more with you op, but sadly it seems that among the apps ‘those’ type of people are often to find and we -the friendly ones looking for friends/dates- are a minority.
We all have preferences of who we want to date and get naked with. My profile doesn’t one. I’d rather chat and or meet and let a guy know that I either am or am not interested. People of all stats are nice to know! My very best, may he rest in peace, friend for years was not my sexual type. We enjoyed the companionship and the competition for tricks! But I would never post am looking for people who are … ONLY. Heck, I’ve fucked a few guys who weren’t “my type”. We still ended up enjoying each others cumpany!
I believe that, but sometimes people won’t have their oreferences stated on the profile. But even when you have it clearly stated, you still get people that would…annoy you, so to speak. For example, I have it clearly stated on a social app that I don’t want anyone messaging me anything sexual, yet the day after I wrote that, a 50-something year old man decided to send me…unflattering pics of himself and asked me to do the same. If I have something written on my profile and someone diliberately goes against it, insta-block would be my immediate course of action.
I don’t see those preferences as racism or anything serious as you charged. It’s merely telling you what he doesn’t like, so if you fall in those list, don’t contact him, save both some times. I am Asian, I respect that not many likes me, I don’t automatically accuse anyone who refuse to fuck me as racism. Just as I don’t want to sex with women doesn’t make me a sexism. It’s a hookup site, don’t make things too politically.
Time is 2 short…you like what you like. ..being a fat dick Black daddy…I like young in shape Black/Latino men and quickly delect and /or block others
Its not about preferences its about biases which can lead too prejudices/ most people live in thier biases when their perceptions of others cross over to their prefers / I find most cultures within the dynamics of other cultures have been a clear misconception of how they date and who they date / am black and i hav been told by othr black men i only date white thats a blow too my ego and racial ethnicity/ This is a misguided perception of the stereotypes that most lead with and this is common within the uneducated man or human being know your pass before passing biases
I agree. This is planet Earth not Mean Girls. Treat each other with respect. Don’t think that just because you work out 24/7 and drink nasty protein shakes that it makes you better than someone overweight that has Dunkin Donuts as their best friend. Personally I prefer to eat donuts with a human hippo than work out.
Well we all have style of guy who we find attractive. And I for one have mine, but when you list all the types of Men you won’t care to at least talk to, then that can be a problem. Just seeing that list makes one very uncomfortable, and it’s pretty sad it still happens today in 2014. There are Men that do nothing for me, but what I won’t do is make someone feel less then, just to prove what my petty preferences are.
I put my preferences in my profile. It saves time for me and the other person. I still get bitchy emails about my preferences, however, if I say “no thanks”, guys will still bitch. I’m gay and not attracted to women either, does that classify me as being mean and cruel? I rest my case.
Most people who put “I’m sorry that’s just my preference” do so because they are tired of the people who don’t fit their preferences hitting them up. Saying you’re not looking for blacks doesn’t make you a racist. It just means your not looking to sleep with/date them. Do a google search – people find the physical characteristics of people they grew up with attractive and seek those out when they are sexually mature; it’s a form of imprinting. If someone’s profile says “I hate blacks” THATS a sign that they are racist.
TBH would you really want to go out with, be friends with or date someone with that in their profile? I don’t like to associate with vapid people, sorry it’s just my preference.
I totally agree. I find rudeness and any kind of -ism is pure unadulterated douchery which speaks volumes about the person listing their list of non-negotiable “preferences”. Maybe I’m atypical but while I get hit up enough, not so much that those who don’t fit my list of preferences -which tend to vary by the person and not their ethnicity, age, height, weight, or God Forbid their “stated” dick length – can’t be dealt with individually. Ignore someone or write back that you’re not interested, by why parade your ugly list of admission requirements? (I think of those people as selfish sex partners anyhow, since it’s obviously all about what they prefer).
You have to understand that my time is just so very valuable that I cannot possibly waste any of it communicating with someone who is just so beneath me. Ignore that I am on this hook up website so often, I am just too busy with my thumb up my ass to possibly spend a few seconds responding to somoeone who took an interest me.
This is all nice and cozzy. But this is not going to change how people see things or even act. These phases come up on hook up sites such as this one and on dating sites. Gay men are very choosy becuase we like what we see. But we also want to only surround ourselves with beauty. Which is fine. But try and be that person that is not wanted. Try being that person that is being completely ignored becuase they are one of those isms. And if you can’t empathize, then you are not human. And you need to reevaluate what you call humanity. Looking for sex is one thing and looking for friends is something else. The first step to huminizing sites like this one is respond. And respond with honesty. Try and be nice, and if they do not get the message, then block them. These are the things that people want. To be noticed, then told the truth. Basics of being a human, and if you can’t do those things, then go back to mommy, becuase you are just an immiture child that needs to grow up.
I understand what your saying. For some people it’s an ignorance thing, for other it’s something that’s psychological. I’m not racist yet I find it difficult to have lustful relations with a black man. It’s not because I’m racist, when I was i n high school I was raped by someone I thought was my friend. Ever since then if I even get naked around a black man I have panic attacks and anxiety. I still have black friends, I have even tried to be physical with one but my body just shuts down, thankfully he understood and we are still friends. It’s not always on a shallow level. I hope this makes some sense.
I and others will certainly agree with everything you’ve said. I can say this with such conviction because it is a conversation that has been going on my entire adult life. When I first reached adulthood in the early 90’s, the conversation from those of us who were often excluded or included (depending) based on ethnicity began like this: The gay (remember the time frame, gays regardless of ethnicity were considered less than minority) population is the largest group of people discriminated against, harmed/killed with no sight of retribution or justice, how could we then further dissect our group and discriminate against our own people by ethnicity, appearance, level of “flamboyant” behaviors, etc.
This can also be pushed back to the article from last week, that while logical and also true incorporated the fallacy that the gay population is not comprised of the entire population. There are racist both overt and closeted in the general population, is it so difficult to realize that those same traits will be found in the gay population? Yes I said RACIST whether labeled a preference or not, and yes I know that there will be many who will jump up and say I’m not racist, I just don’t like blacks/mexicans/etc. Well by definition that is racist or prejudice because you are discarding an entire group based on ethnicity.
And for those of you who are offended run through this exercise. What is it about those other ethnic groups that you find so unattractive? Then think of all of the qualities that you find attractive in a man. Now the last step envision being presented with two men. One is at face from the unattractive group, and the other is your desired group. With those same two men in mind, place all of the negative things and characteristics onto the “preferred guy” and all of the qualities you find attractive in men on the “undesired guy”. If you still choose the white guy who now encompasses all of the negative qualities it is clear that you are a RACIST.
So instead of putting “preferences” on your profile or ad, own your racist behavior and mentality and say on your profile you are a racist. Recognize that the problem is you and not the “others”.
White people are not alone with this issue. There are several profiles created by black/latino/asian/other that say they are looking for a white top/bottom, etc. Does that not perpetuate the thought that you are less than if YOU don’t even find people who look like you, share your culture/struggles/etc. attractive?????
Doesn’t everyone want to be seen as an individual? No one person regardless of age, top/bottom, education, ethnicity wants to be seen as “another one”. Shouldn’t a man be seen for who he is and not what he is?
We all need to treat each other with tolerance, kindness and respect. Didn’t we all learn this in grade school — or at least shouldn’t we have learned it all by then? Happy Holidays, guys!
I’ve always preferred darker featured people. Never been immediately attracted to blondes. I have however dated four and had sex with a lot more than that. I prefer french dressing, however, I have often used italian, poppyseed, and even blue cheese on my salads. Preferences are things that you know you like. They do NOT lock you into a corner and prevent you from seeing the value in and enjoying something else.
Well put.
WHY is it rude to know what a person is looking for from the start? What IS rude, to me, is when I post what I want & then get approached by somebody who doesn’t fit that. & then THEY get mad @ me because I won’t give them a chance. Excuse me??? YOU DIDN’T read what I posted & somehow it’s MY fault I said “no”?
We all have preferences and I respects anyone’s choices. Being African American, I hardly get messages from anyone, unless they hit me up looking to hook up to fulfill a fantasy of theirs. There’s more to me then the pigment of my skin.
Someone give this man a Nobel Peace Prize!! Thank you for addressing this concern! And with such eloquence too.
These comments make me block people. You wonder how they function in the work place and society in general if this is how little social skills they have. There are very politically correct ways to get your point across without being rude, racist, etc.
You know’ what I find humorous; I have run into a lot of guys who don’t like this or that, and a couple of days later, the same guy is chatting you up to see if you are “available.” Makes me ask “what’s changed in 48 hours?” Did you suddenly not care that I’m not anorexic, I’m a hairy cub; that Im not the musclebound jock you’ve been searching for; or that I’m a redhead or ginger (British description)and that is now appealing to you? What has changed? I find this happens more often than not. Too many profiles, especially young, tan, tall, with a swimmers build or gym fanatic have specific guys they are looking for, and become angry and resentful when their Ultimate God of a man doesn’t really exist. It just my opinion, but they are often looking for mirror images of themselves, only a total bottom or top.
One only needs to say what your preferences are. There is never a reason to be nasty/personal or even specific about one’s dislikes – it’s about stressing positive instead of having a laundry list of dislikes and must-be’s.
If you don’t want to answer someone, don’t, but it’s simple to say “thanks but I’m looking for something different, good luck!” It is never right or acceptable to hurt people.
you said it perfectly!! I think a group that should understand how hurtful words can be — it does not say much about us that we do it to each other.
Very very very well said. Especially the part where you say the words are designed to do damage. I can’t understand how gay men fight so hard for acceptance and against discrimination yet they themselves are often the biggest bigots in existence. I have been with all hues of guys. For the absolute longest time I promised myself that I wanted nothing to do with Asian guys…until, you guessed it, I opened my mind to the idea. Absolutely one of the best experiences of my life. One I wish I had experienced earlier in life.
If you know pain, and hurt and you have this or that as a racial preference then wisen up: it seems the ones you prefer the most are the ones exclusively causing you heartache and pain. It sure isn’t (insert race here) because you refuse to allow them inside. So why all the animosity? Ah… But in America we have history. Ugly, nasty history towards each other. History neither of us were apart of but destined to perpetuate. I don’t care how diverse you think you are if you grew up listening to disparaging remarks by your parents (The very one and two pertains you love unconditionally) about other races, you’ll never ever be able to stomach the idea of true diversity, either sexually or socially. Sure, in the end you’ll sleep with who you want, but be honest with yourself. How often does your sexual preference affect or translate into your social preference and everyday decision making towards those you do not prefer? Great points, author..bravo.
LOL All I can say is “PREACH!!!” The entire post is on point.
Unfortunately, you will have dudes who will comment on this negatively in order to justify their being an asshole. smh…
I have often found it odd that I see profiles that say “Will talk with anyone” and then when I speak, I get no reply. They visit the profile. Open the email. But do no respond.
As I see it, I figure folk put shit in their profile because they feel it’s the right thing to put there. However, if you read the profile carefully, what people type will tell you exactly the type of person they are. People write as they think.
I personally read profiles and honestly, I read stuff like this and the once good-looking guy suddenly becomes less attractive. Of course, these are the same ones who’ll bemoan why they can’t find anyone. Go fig…
Well said!
everyone of us has a preference…it’s our’s to own…
I agree with this so much it makes people feel bad . I’ve been dating a guy for over a month when we me he told me he wasn’t interested in black guys I said whatever and we hung out as friends. When. People. Ask what type of guy I don’t like they laugh because I steel them albino, dwarfs and midgets ( simply because i am 6’2?) , horny underaged children, and guys who mess around with young teenagers( I don’t care if you are 24 you should not be having sex with a 15 year old)
It pisses me off when I see people say, NO Asians, NO Blacks..etc. Just ignore if you aren’t into a certain race or block. It’s not that hard to do and you sound like you’re not an ignorant a**hole.
Sir, can u please stop it with these post… I feel like you’re making the division in the gay community wider. You’re either talking about this or black tops. It’s really cringe-worthy. Nothing will change, a person likes what they like. IF a white guy tells another black guy he isn’t interested or vice verse, then that’s just what it is. Stop trying to force things on different people. <<<<THIS IS HOW A HEART BREAKS.
Your reference to the “mother” statement is completely incorrect an nowhere near the same thing.
As for the article..BEEN SAID…BEEN BLOGGED…BEEN POSTED……
Ppl don t have to be rude but it s it s sulpose to help keep ppl you don t want writing you from writing you.
UNFORTUNATELY all the thirsty idiots don t read or think if you tKe one look at their cock you will change ur mind…
Guys…..READ and if you don t apply..DON T WRITE…it sthat simple…all u little pissy fucks can t handle rejection……so if u are tired of guys not fat guys…LOSE WEIGHT! or join a site where guys do……as far as race..well…again..don t write them n GET OVER IT…..
No one is obligated to suck ur dick or have sex out of some political correctness.
This subject is beyond OLD an irritating…….ANY REAL JOURNALISM out there on gay sites?
Totally in agreement of your essay! Each time I see profiles with statements of preference I usually just automatically block that profile and I hope that many others do the same. These preference comments are mean, promote hate and suppresses others, especially people who are struggling to come out. Yes, we all have preferences, but does not mean that we as a person have to state it to the world.
I for one, do get a lot of attention from these sites, but interestingly, with my process of elimination my most fun and interesting experiences, sexually and non-sexual had been with people who are open minded.
Unfortunately, the society we live in promotes and had in-grain our minds with the thought of that white-anglo of European descent or alike as a superior in every way; hence, the “Enough is Enough” protest is going on. With this movement, I hope that our society will finally see’s the indifference that is going out there in the world.
Lastly, I hope that after all of our struggle in the gay social movement that we are more open minded and more sophisticated in our thought process than the societal norm.
And to be honest, sometimes I have things like ‘looking for friends, or conversation’ on my profile and guys will still try to be slick and proposition me. Why? Because they take me kindness for weakness and it infuriates me.
Haters will hate.
Just as people will always find something to be offended by.
In sexual partners – I feel people are allowed to have a “type” or “preference.” Just because someone has a dick or an asshole doesn’t mean you necessarily want to fuck them. If it’s a site like A4A – it’s touted as a hook-up site not a dating site – these terms should be expected.
As to rudeness – that’s another thing, and the nature of the gay beast. Everyone has their own “standards” and when someone is not in their ideal group – they tend to be down right rude. That is a lack of character and has nothing to do with their preferences. Social media has murdered social etiquette. People say any unjust and rude thing that comes to mind – primarily because there are no repercussions; they’re not going to get punched in the face by an IM message. So, that is a lack of character – and also explains why hook-up sites aren’t for finding dates.
As to dating & dating sites: most gay men are looking to hook-p even on those sites. So, the same lack of manners tends to occur. Its as if the gay beast is unable to be domesticated. And has somehow slipped down the evolutionary chain when it comes to trying to make a connection with another live person. Again, dating is based on physical attraction – hence the rudeness comes out – when you’re not the person’s intended type. However it’s a lack of character that gets the rude response to a simple hello or greeting.
Gay men suck – and not just dick!
I agree with your position wholeheartedly. I find so much prejudice and various isms in the gay world, that it really reminds me of many in the general population. We discriminate and disrespect each other, with the caveat “just my preference” and think that that coda instantly cleanses us of our prejudice. This prejudice seems to he geared most frequently towards “blacks, fats and fems” and as a person who falls into at least one of those categories, I have to tell you that I am actually quite happy that I’m not your preference. Keep your diseases, barebacking, Tina, and everything else to your prejudice, racist selves. That just my preference.
Bravo!! Well written. I definitely agree and it’s definitely a shame the racism that goes on in this community let alone any community but especially the gay community. If I recall there was a time and still is a time ( Russia) that gays are discriminated against and hunted like wild animals.
Hello
The creator of this ridiculously exaggerated diatribe is an idiot.
It’s your problem if someone’s rude way of stating their preferences gets your panties in a knot. Just ignore it, you drama queen.
People have preferences: get over it. Now.
You have preferences too.
What do you want? A mercy fuck? We should fake that we are into someone?
You are not going to change people’s ‘preferences’; it’s part of what makes us individuals.
I’d like to know who someone’s preference bothers…everyone is attracted to different things, therefore if u don’t meet that persons qualifications….simply move on to the next profile. MOST black guys including myself just aren’t attracted to and/or have no interest in white guys, vice versa. Alot of todays society likes smooth shaven dick, balls, and hole….I prefer my men to be hairy and bushy below the belt. Be a man and accept the rejection and move on
‘Sorry, just my preference’ is a feeble attempt at not feeling bad/getting called out on rudeness.
You’re attracted to what you’re attracted to. Don’t apologize. Better to find a more diplomatic way of phrasing it.
I read a profile once where the guy said, “I’m not looking for friends or dates. I want sex partners like me.”
To me, it was perfectly said.
Why waste time? If his profile doesn’t include people like you, block him so you don’t accidentally click on it again.
If someone responds negatively to your profile, block and delete.
I too do not think statements like you wrote are needed, they are offense. However, it does show the author of those statements stupidity.
Maybe the site monitor could or should delete the post.Hateful speech is not considered free speech.
Well put, and highly agreed.
This has got to be the best article I’ve read in a long ass time.
Thank you.
Yea really all u need to do is say what u mean an mean what u say , its so easy to do , why would u want to limited your self any way??? It stupid ,, an if u say “well i cant never meet any guys” well i might be that your just a bitch any way, if i put all the limits i see on here on myself id never get any dick ,, if that was the case ,then why be on here at all, i have meet every man that i talked to who wanted to have fun ,i didnt even need to see their pic lst, why? Well i already no he is not going to look perfect in some way,or act perfect, or do perfect blow job , or some thing ,, God made all of our differant an so you just well find that out right now ,or u going to have a lonely life, i met all types of men an just had a good time any way , even if we just met the one time ,we at least both got off then went home happy, none of us are any where close to Mr Perfect so quit acting like u are some God or something ,, i met my BF ,an he is my lst one ever , well he was about the least guy i would have said that we would get together a 2nd time but here we are 1 an 1/2 years latter an still happy we dont maybe look like a match but its the inside of a man that is important , never set any limits ,an be happy
Very good post. The amount of racism that I’ve come across on A4A is ridiculous — and it’s ALWAYS guys in the U.S. with this disgusting hatred. Guys in France, Australia & Canada seem to be the most open and genuinely care about the person and the experience with them over looks. At the end of the day, guys here need an explosive orgasm. You’ll never know if that epic orgasm can be achieved by someone you’re hating because of their ethnicity or body type. I have been with guys of various ethnicities and sizes and each one has been fantastic in their own way. However, it’s usually the guys who have stupid preferences that tend to be terrible in bed.
Like i said in the other Speak outt about ginger,Black or whatever..it all comes down to the root Of racism:Hatred!….and one day we’ll get over it one way or another….people are too cowardly i think to express what they really think….it erks the hell out Of me as well when a profile says prefer white or Black or asian only…..i agree with this Speak out,racism has no room for what the Republicans call The Gay Agenda….again,our symbol is the rainbow flag…….Red and Yellow Black.and White we are ALL precious in His sight!….say hi……bigdickpos74 on a4a……Sly.
Not sure who created this section, but will commend you on a job so well done here. I view adam routinely and only to find the same boring guys on here 24/7 and for the most, none of them are seeking anything concrete. Not sure if it’s just a post for sexy pics, games or most just playing kid games daily. And as mentioned, you see “friendship” or just say “hi” and very few will post back. Or will speak, and not stay true to their profile. Think it’s all just bogus, either they’re still confused, not wanting anything or just plain dumb to the fact of life here. Racism, not into black/white need to somehow, someday just cease. People in this cold world are already diverse to the fact that life is somewhat meaningless. True love has no color, no particular body type…yeah to each his own who or what they love, but at least be dignified to the fact….What the world really needs now is L, O, V, E…..LOVE
Here here ! ! ! I attribute this phenomonon to the internet in general and to parents. The internet has made it possible to hide behind rude comments like these. It’s also promoted an attitude of getting exactly what we want, as if we’re ordering a pizza. Parents have failed to raise young people to be polite. I notice these comments primarily on the profiles of guys under 30. No one teaches politeness any more, whether online or in person. I equate online “meeting” to sitting at a bar. Would these guys be so rude if I said hello to them face to face?
Great post and it’s true keep them Cumming.
Race preferences aren’t “hateful” but neither are we born with them (like “preferring” women). Race preferences are conditioned by the standard of beauty in the culture in which our views on attractiveness form. American culture prizes whiteness, and mainstream gay culture pushes white as the standard of beauty; whites in other countries love love love black guys. Race preferences aren’t racist, but the America gay community needs to do better at being racially inclusive in our media and entertainment, and in our platonic personal lives. And we need to stop using 1950s Jim Crow language (WHITES ONLY) in our profiles. Not a good look for a people fighting for freedom and equality themselves.
How many times must we go over this ?
Stating one’s preferences is not being discriminatory or racist . It’s just someone stating what they like in an attempt to keep everyone happy and save a bit of time .
Personally I’d rather see someone say exactly what they’re looking for than put up a blank profile . Or another annoying example is the profile that says how much the member loves sex , sex all the time , blah blah , but when or if you message these people they come back at you with ‘You’re too old’ , or ‘I don’t do whites’ .
Do I get hurt ? NO , because I have my own preferences but at least I’m intelligent enough to list them.
And it does help if you pick the right words to describe what you’re looking for .
For example , isn’t it much less painful to read .. ‘in search of HWP young black dude ‘ compared to ‘No whites need apply , young ,old fat ,slim or otherwise’ ?
And your comparing the issue to having a cup of coffee with someone was ludicrous .
I’ll have coffee (and a nice time) with anyone but they’re not the same people I want to get physical with.
In business, I am comfortable dealing with people of all sizes, shapes, colors and sexes. My friends run the gamut of all sizes, shapes, colors and sexes. But when it comes to sex, the only person I want in my bed is one who makes my cock hard and moves my mind in more sensual channels! That’s not even so much about conscious preference as it is about biological and intellectual response. It can be based on body odor, which has a lot to do with diet, which also has a lot to do with culture. It can have to do with skin or hair texture because either can have a sensual impact. It can have to do with whether a group or sub-group of people is generally out or not, because that can also be culturally based. For many of us, it’s not really about who we prefer TO HAVE in our beds; it’s about who we prefer NOT to have in our beds.
i was worried when gay’s got marriage equality that many of them who, outside of being gay, would of been the majority would no longer care about these issues or bring them up. i think its important we take a long hard look at what we are absorbing from a society that also labeled us as less than ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with preferences. There’s nothing wrong with being clear about what you are seeking. The issue arises when you cross the line and become an ass about it. Saying “I’m attracted to tall, muscular, White guys under 30″ is no problem. Anyone responding to your profile who does not meet those preferences shouldn’t get their undies in a bundle when you either don’t respond or reply ‘not interested. Thank you.”
On the other hand, saying “I’m not interested in short, fat, Blacks, Asians or Latinos over the age of 30. Don’t even try contact me or I’ll block you. Don’t waste my time” is negative. Even though I do meet this guy’s “criteria”, I’d pass on contacting him since he comes across as an ass.
Keep preferences positive. They’ll be a non-issue and will ensure better connections.
Some profiles are good for laughs when they say something like “I’m not interested in short, fat, Blacks, Asians or Latinos over the age of 30. Don’t even try contact me or I’ll block you. Don’t waste my time.” But then they follow up with “I’m friendly, flexible, open minded, and looking for hot times with hot guys!”
Yes, but you should also seek professional help.
The amount if truth in this is high. My absolute favorite is people that have friendship on their profile yet just completely ignore you or tell you they aren’t interested… Like you’re totally looking for friends I see.
It’s high time someone spoke about this. It kinda gets under my skin when I read profiles like that. To me I love all races, as long as they are sexy and confident in their own skin I’m sold.
I am so glad you talked about this. Me, being a man of color, seeing many profiles that says things like, not into fat, blacks, or whatever.. makes me not even want to talk to that person. I’ve even had quite a few people that had that on their profile but when they seen my pics… They still want to talk to me as if I’m an exception. No thanks. There are tasteful ways of putting it. For example, I’m a black guy that’s into white guys. On my profile I have “I favor Caucasian men, but I’m an equal oppertunist”. You can still get your point across without coming off as being a jerk. Ya know? Anywhoo great topic. Play nicely boys and have a great day.
I agree that it is mean, but that’s just people in general these days! I, myself am fat lol. All the time I come across profiles that say no fatties etc. but I don’t let it bother me. I know im not everyones cup of tea, nor is everyone mine. Some people don’t have the common decency to just say, hey, im not into guys like you or something less offense than “get out of here you fat fuck”. ultimately I don’t let those types of people bother me, I hit block and go on about my life. Just because the fat guy sent you a smile, doesn’t mean he wants to gobble up your penis, it could be a simple smile haha
Excelent! In my case,MY preference would be “bj”s,so I welcome anybody.Dont understand people with such a tiresome screenings!
A wonderful piece. Very well stated. I think also those preferences comes from the media portrayal of what is beautiful and it has been engrained in us. The big screen is plastered with white or Latino sexy men, yet very slim pickings for black sexy men or for that part not too many sexy Asian men on the tv screen.
I agree people will have their sexual preference and you may not fit in that bubble yet definitely when it comes to ethnic preference we may need to dig and actually see where it’s roots begun in us. You never know you may just miss true love because of ethnic preference.
Im so tired of this thread, This is a hookup site, we are all allowed to state our preferences. Its not discrimination it is a sexual preference. If it offends you then get the fuck out and don’t come back. Thats whats wrong with this fucking country everybody wants to claim the race card when something happens. Get a life and enjoy it but quit trying to turn everything into a race issue.
There is a difference between:
“I’m looking for BBC only – just my preference”
-vs-
“No puny dicked white trash, only BBC for me. No hate, just my preference”
The latter is definitely hateful and attempting to be hurtful – whether the author consciously intends it or not. Akin to the old southern “tradition” of always saying “Bless their soul” before insulting someone — as if that somehow made it better.
With regards to profiles, I swear people don’t read their own ads from the perspective of the reader… I can’t tell you how many otherwise hot 40-something dudes I’ve been turned off by because their ads go on and on about what they DON’T want! SUGGESTION: Say more about what YOU have and less about what you want — and don’t say ANYTHING negative… period!
I think part of the problem too is that people are just plain afraid to reply to someone “Thanks for the note – glad to see there is someone out there reading my stuff! Afraid I don’t think we’d be a good match tho. Still, good luck to you!” (I’ve never seen that shorter than “Thanks. No interest.”)
The flip-side of that coin is that there are definitely dudes who will reply to that kind of a response and reply back something like “why? what is wrong with me?” – which, quite honestly does NOT deserve a reply.
In my book, every dude who writes me — the first time — gets a reply… if I say no, and you want a reason, I’m afraid I don’t owe you one and I won’t dignify your crassness with another response. Replying the first time is just being polite. Harassing someone who says “no” is not polite — it’s harassment, and one of the very FEW reasons why I’ll block someone.
Just my thoughts…
It’s like me showing up to a family dinner at your house and saying, “I’m not sure I want to eat this because your fat, ugly mother cooked it. Hey, don’t get mad it’s just my preference”.
NOTHING TO DO WITH THE TOPIC…having sex with someone is not the same as someone cooking for you!!! GET REAL.
And if I don’t like to have sex with blacks or asian or spanish that is my choice….
Most blacks are downright ugly, get over it, no amount of cock is going to make me have sex with an ugly man!
Asians…coarse hair, flat asses, smell like scallions, squat legs,….what part of this is a turn on?
For a sex site, it just saves annoying each other to be specific
GET OVER THE PC POLICE THING!!
It’s like me showing up to a family dinner at your house and saying, “I’m not sure I want to eat this because your fat, ugly mother cooked it. Hey, don’t get mad it’s just my preference”.
Has nothing to do with the topic. Eating food is not the same as eating cock!!!! My preferences are my preferences whether anyone likes it or not.
Don’t like wide nostrils, don’t like kinky hair on a dick, don’t like enormous lips.
Don’t like scallion smells on a body
I have often been dismissed because I am Asian. I am cute, masculine, intelligent, fun, and friendly. But I am primarily rejected because “asians have small cocks”. Truthfully, the majority of us are not hung, but the equipment gets hard enough and big enough to have an enjoyable time. And as stereotype might suggest, we are not all submissive girly men, with our small cocks tucked between our legs. I have been told by playmates that they enjoy sucking my cock, since they can get all the way down without gagging. Yes, a big cock is fun to wow over, but much of the time half of it goes unused (unswallowed). And I find that most 7-8″ cocks are greatly exaggerated.
Here’s a news flash- nobody’s actually on these things to date or to make friends. Even the people who create profiles with that goal in mind eventually slip into the rut of only logging in when they’re incredibly horny and looking for some dick. So when you take someone at their word and try to strike up a friendly conversation with them, at some point they’re going to ruin it by asking you the sex questions, or they may even start off asking you to unlock and then tell you they’re not interested without even asking what it was you were interested in that made you message them in the first place. Why? Because pretty much every gay man on the planet is a woefully insecure narcissist who craves the validation that comes from other gay men wanting to have sex with him, and the air of superiority that he derives from making it known to other gay men that they’re not hot enough for him to deign to have sex with. The hateful “just my preference” comments are just an easy way for some guys to derive that second effect without actually having to personally reject every person who fits into a category on their “no”s lists- for one thing, being mean to people directly, even on the Internet, is hard work and incredibly unpleasant and taxing, so the blanket prohibition allows them to be mean to everyone generally without having to relive it over and over (and gives them, in their own warped sense of logic, a perfectly justified reason to delete or block without a reply). Additionally, for every day that nobody from the “no”s categories messages them, they get to make the ridiculous assumption that every single person from one of those categories who was online that day looked at their profile and saw their pics and stats and wanted desperately to fuck them but then didn’t bother messaging because of the preference statements they made. If you’re a reasonable person you may scoff at the assertion that anyone would assume something so preposterously outlandish, but you’d be wrong- I’ve actually talked to people who believe that very thing, or something close to it.
Every time I hear someone complain about one of these profiles I tell them they should be glad that the author has made his true colors so clearly visible. Invariably the response is “yeah, but he’s so [hot/hung/sexy] and I wish he were into me.” Excuse me? You wish the [racist/ageist/bigot/”clean” queen] were into you? Maybe that’s the problem- just like the guys who purport to be looking for friends but then apparently don’t want to be friends with anyone they wouldn’t fuck at the drop of a hat, the guys who feel marginalized by the hateful comments are only looking at the pictures and stats to evaluate attraction and then are choosing to make the hateful commentary be about themselves (classic narcissist move) instead of seeing it for what it really is: another key indicator of the author’s personality to be used to evaluate his relative attractiveness. Frankly as someone who generally finds himself exempt from nearly all of the “no”s listings, except for the occasional “no whites” that I see on the profiles of both white guys and POC, I will say that I find their presence in a profile generally a turn-off, regardless of how hot or hung the guy may be. I don’t think I’ve ever initiated contact with one of those people (at least not in the last decade or so) and I usually don’t respond if they message me. My particular fave, though is the guys with arbitrary age limits (No guys over 30! I mean it!) who then hit me up (I’m 36 and all of my profiles indicate that) and are indignant when I tell them that I’m not interested in them because their profile indicates that they’re not interested in me. They try to explain that they only put that in there to discourage sketchy old guys from messaging them, but that the rule doesn’t apply if they’re into someone over 30 and message him- they’re allowed to selectively override their own rules. When I tell them that I’m less interested now that they’ve explained their logic, they’re beside themselves with apoplexy at the thought that someone twice their age wouldn’t just jump at the chance to get nekkid with them. It’s a real kick in the nuts when the very mechanism you’ve employed to passively maximize your sense of superiority becomes the instrument with which you sabotage your sincere and direct attempt at positive validation (and consequently miss out on the best blow job you could ever have hoped to have in your whole life.)
Uhm…I think people are missing the point-and-or-solution here. It’s not just “well I don’t say hi to Asians/black people/Indians/white people/whoever” because I DON’T LIKE THEM!!! but what does that even mean?
You have to distinguish what you’re after is what I mean. If you’re just looking to fuck, then “preferences” make sense but a lot of these profiles state that they are “looking for friends” – so it gives a confusing message.
If you’re looking for friends, then you can have friends among all the races, ethnicities, ages, etc. and if you can’t because you only hang out with black people, or only hang out with white people…well…then maybe there’s something there to address.
If you’re ONLY looking to fuck people, then of course you should have sex with someone you are actually attracted to and in that scenario I really do understand “preferences” a lot more. But we don’t make a distinction; we’re bad at communicating that and I think that’s why it feels like discrimination.
If an Asian says hi to you and you’re looking for friends…well, say hi back. Maybe they’re friendly!
ok first let me start by saying that we all have preferences in the kind of men that we like to meet and/or hook up with, but i draw the line at somethings things such as race. when i hear that someone say only into (insert race), or only date (insert race), and not into (insert race), that gets me mad and angry as hell.. race has nothing to do with anyone being interested in you and by saying that it’s just a “preference” doesn’t make it any better either. preference is something that you or the other person can somewhat control, such as a nice body, big dick, bubble ass, short dude, tall dudes and so on, not the fact that my skin color knocks me out of the running. FYI THAT ALSO GOES FOR AGE. ALOT OF MEN ON HERE GET MAD WHEN SOME GUY WHO IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY DAD OR GRAND DAD TRIES TO TALK TO US AND GETS REJECTED. THATS LIFE DEAL WITH IT AND STOP TRYING TO RELIVE YOUR YOUTH BY DATING SOMEONE WHO IS ATLEAST 20 YRS YOUNGER THAN YOU!!! hell i’m 38 and i don’t even like to talk to guys who are not atleast closer to 30 or closer to my age. i don’t want or need a son or be a son to someone. maybe if the gay society stopped acting like a bunch of fools with these damn labels that they associate themselves with, the gay community would be better. not to mention all these men who are married on here and going behind their wives back cheating and making the good, decent gay men look bad by their actions.
i read tons of profiles that state their are married and looking or looking for married men and so on and they say its a preference cause they like a married dude. look all i’m saying is this. we all have preferences and some of them are on the border of discrimination, use proper judgement. its that simple.
For too many times, I’ve had seemingly cute, nice guys msg me on here, only to check out their profiles and see that type of filth. SERIOUSLY? Be consistent. Or at least erase ‘no blacks, etc’ from your profile if you msg a guy who’s obviously half black. The “it’s different with you” routine is saddeningly disgusting. Why would you even think I’d want you?
It sickens me when I see guys with their biases in display for everyone to see. It’s simply about charm and using your words carefully. No charming guy would ever say those things! He’d express what he’s looking for by simplying implying what’s hot to him. You don’t need to say what’s not. It’s the difference of “No fats, no blacks or asians” and “Light, fair skin is just so appealing to me. Also, there’s something about the lines of a fit body that’s so beautiful and sexy. “
Re: What?
Dude you’re a fucking idiot. You just proved my point EXACTLY…that preferences have to do with sex and not with being friendly. Maybe the article wasn’t written in 4th grade text-message English for you so you didn’t understand it, but essentially it can be boiled down to:
(1) if all you want is fucking – then preferences are fine, because you shouldn’t HAVE to have sex with someone if you aren’t attracted to them. Nothing says you have to do that.
(2) if your profile says “looking for friends” or “say hi, i’m friendly” then preferences shouldn’t be an issue, because anyone can be friendly. And it’s in THIS category that “preferences” really become discrimination. “I’m looking for friends…oh…I mean, only white friends…” – that’s not okay.
Geez…
When it comes to preferences…I usually don’t respond to profiles that have things like “whites only, masc guys only, straight guys only (really?)” or other crap around that.
Someone hits me up, I check their profile, if it doesn’t have that I’ll talk to them. Besides that, my other preference is by distance.
Also, I even put “Race is not an issue” in my profile. If I’m not interested in a guy I’ll tell him.
Though I do have a weakness for asian guys 😉
I think most people see this as a quick hookup site, not a dating site. The people who do see it as a dating site are usually the ones who are offended by these kinds of profiles.
I don’t think not wanting to have sex with someone due to age/race/weight is bigotry. It’s hard to draw a line for that kind of thing – using that kind of logic then there’s no reason you couldn’t have sex with women too. We’re turned on by certain things and not turned on by others.
What turns it into bigotry is the way it’s said. When you say “ugly old people better not message me” or “fats are disgusting” then you’re a bigot. There are polite ways to say these things, “I’m really only interested in (certain types)” is better. Also you can’t really expect to have a young hot guy half your age show up at your door if you’re older or a muscle stud run to your door if you’re out of shape, unless of course that’s *their* preference, and there are people out there who are into that. That doesn’t make people who *aren’t* into it bigots. You have to be realistic in your own expectations too.
Of course, only wanting fashion model hunks on call 24/7 is pretty much an unrealistic fantasy (not that it couldn’t happen) and not a preference!!
On one hand, I’d really like to see stricter controls on this and see the outright nasty and hateful profiles banned. On the other – it makes the jerks easier to spot, if you see a profile like that then it should be a warning sign you don’t want anything to do with that person!
Alot of these comments are loads of garbage, lemme address some of the more pertinent ideas i’ve reviewed:
“PC Police” – People tend to see pc police as a bad thing, but reconsider: The PC Police is what made it so in the 80s and 90s you can walk into churches restaurants and stores and expect a baseline of respect. Its what made it so those majority of people “felt weird” about openly calling you faggot. Know what kind of world and development you would of experienced if this PC Policing didnt happen? You’ve utilized it whether you want to think so or not. But to suggest there shouldn’t be some observations of the standard with how we deal with each other because it interferes with your OWN biases is bogus and hypocritical:one minute you find this or that different about people, decide it to be more than you can handle, the next minute you claim everyone has the same baseline experiences as you to justify your preconceived notions and feelings and you cant even discuss them without being pompous rude and indignant. And you’re not even the one being rejected. which leads to second point..
“Its simple rejection, get over it” (comparing it to buying products or some silly crap like that) – who cant take rejection? you can’t even take a blog article about a white man’s feelings on gay prejudice without getting angry. preferences come just as much from cultural and media standards as one’s own self, point being, if you can’t even be friends with a black or asian (i didnt know dislike of asians was such a big thing till recently) person, lets be real you’re likely racially biased, and not in the “everyone is” way either.
“I’m not racist but… (lemme say some stuff that sounds denialist as hell)” – racism has made its way to our time because we never really defined what it is. racism mostly functions passively. most “racists” that are active, also have other issues so its not fair to say because you aren’t paranoid schizophrenic that you cant be racist. primarily, its the network of individuals with beliefs that combine to create a reality for other people that is not necessarily accurate. Thats what it is, and being a part of that is messed you. Deal with it. but denying, gettin mad at me or anyone else, being annoyed with this conversation (its not going away folks, i’m sorry) will change nothing. However you can.. last point..
I’ll say this, people with white only preferences should make a site just for that. Stop bringing your old timey, spiritually dishonest BS to the rest of us, white or black, that TRULY want to get past racism, NOT JUST THE CONVERSATION OF RACISM.
A4A is Me1you0, and if you look on my profile you’ll say a well developed, conscious person who is RESPONSIBLE for their output and does not make excuses for it. Compare this to the many men who seemingly only cared about gay issues not because gay discrimination was a part of inequality which should be eliminated, but because gay discrimination kept a portion of the privilege pie away from them and as they are getting it back spoonful by spoonful they are saying “F the rest of you guys _______ (excuse 1-100)”
Let’s be serious this is a hookup site so it saves times and drama if the preferences are listed. I am over 35 and hairy and to many it’s a huge turn off so I respect those and skip them. What make me mad is when those who stated they are not into me contact me offering I be that rare “exception”
The only thing worse than guys rudely stating their preferences in their profiles is guys who whine about those preferences existing in the profiles of others. No matter who you are, not everyone is into you for whatever reason, so save your time, effort, and concern for those people who might possibly be a match. And if folks want to advertise that they are assholes in their profiles, why would anyone want to discourage that self-identification?
Well let me just put this out their. Me and my partner have been together for 26 years.. We could give a fuck about the pref anymore. I’m black/mixed and very good looking man and my partner is Puerto Rican very good lookin man, we have gotten to the point where we don’t invite white people to our home, we don’t speak to them, I prefer not to even engage with them, I work with white everyday and a lot of them would love to just spit in my face then speak to me, when you put looking for friends on these gay site. The question is. What color are you….and I simply put.. Lol …… We are very wealthy. But the money does not make us better than any color. So all these guys that have a color preference.. I DONT CARE . To each is it own… I wished Adam4 adam would just have a site Just for the White men Latino men black Asian men. And whom ever has that problem with this….then we would not have to see this crap on here or post our views….. Pretty soon there will not be a white America…. Thanks for letting me vent…
I’m an equal opportunist. And be honest, most profiles I’ve seen on Adam across the board aren’t friendly in the slightest to blacks and people try to make it seem as if they are open. “Just a preference” and I’m pissed when I see black males saying into white dudes only like white dudes are so great… I like all dudes older and my in my age group and all races, but I would just like for once to see a profile list the reason why they dont like a race sexually, because I think it is racism most times at the cause of the preference
Oh wow my post got rejected…freedom of speech my [email protected]@ …. A preference is not Having sex with a hiv+ person… Color of one skin is simply put racist… It not hurting my feeling. That a white person does not like the color of my skin. I don’t like you because you are black ,Asian or Latino fat or ugly..humph. That show how ignorant some people are…. I only thank god that I’m Negative and. I prefer not having sex with a positive person…. Now do you see how that sounds …..
Funny thing how the few people here claiming things like “free speech” and “the PC police” sound like total dicks.
Like what you like, but one would hope that by the time you’ve reached adulthood you will have learned a bit of tactfulness.
And to the ones that think it’s somehow fucked up to not find everyone attractive (especially your own kind)… it’s really none of your business as long as they’re polite about it.
Very well said iowadude! I wholeheartedly agree with every point in your statement .
I read both the article and some of the comments, I’ve found that many of you believe that people who list their preferences are intending to be hurtful or mean, but I don’t belive that to be the case for a majority of these profiles. I understand that if people reject you for various reasons, that seeing those rejections up front may be hurtful to you but for that you have a method of disapproval, blocking them. But if you block someone who contacts you, just because of how they decide to tell you there preferences, then your being just as hurtful and cruel as you clam them to be.
Also don’t assume that because of what I’ve said I would do that, because I don’t, if I’m not interested in you I’ll tell you, I’ll even tell you why. I sampled everything in one form or another, and found that I truely like certain qualities, and those are my preferences.
Preference is so broad. Way I see it is that preference changes over time. When I first came out I only was attracted to the “stereotypical gay”(the fit, athletic types and who are usually white). Over time, that preference changed and now I have liking for than that type. Today, I am into guys who are similar to my size (large to chubby), older than me and of any race. However, I still find the stereotypical gay hot, despite for my wide taste in men. For example, that may be my preference, but it is not set in stone. My current boyfriend is older than me, Asian, shorter than my myself, and not hairy. It’s more about personality the older I get and realize than what is seen on the outside. My true preferences now are that they are drug/smoke free, wear underwear and act their age. And must be nice!
Being over 50 I do get turned down a lot and I just deal with it. Funny but also sad I have people my own age and older telling me I am too old. WTF!!! I too feel guys are their own worst enemy. Guys have come a long ways over the years. I don’t feel they are discriminated against. Most of our dismay is brought on by ourselves. Just because we don’t always get what WE want does not mean it is discrimination. This country has gotten to the point of using that word too loosely. Or they take advantage of it just to try and prove a point. Be who you are! Be proud of who you are! So what some one does not like it they can’t change who you are.
This is the most ridiculous thing I have read on here. So sorry you don’t fit into everyone’s ideal of perfection. I don’t like obese guys. AND SO WHAT? If your skin is this thin I feel sorry for you in the real world. You definitely need to buy stock in a company that makes Butt Hurt Creme because you are going to need a ton of it.
Grow up. Life’s tough. Like’s not fair. GET USED TO IT!
It’s funny how people jump to defend hatred when it’s in their best interest. Sorry, if you exclude an ENTIRE RACE because of their race you are racist, if you exclude and ENTIRE AGE GROUP you are ageist, etc. Now this being America you are completely within your rights to be whatever “ist” you want, but own it.
I especially find this “no fats, no fems, no blacks” thing interesting with people looking for “friends only”. How does race, size, or looks preclude you from liking the same books, tv, movies, or restaurants. The thing is people who are on the sites looking for “friends” are really looking to hook up but don’t want people to think they’re promiscuous (again own it). Of all my friends I can only think of one I find sexually attractive, we are friends because of shared experiences and interests.
I agree that people have the right to list preferences and say what they do and dont like. Im a black man who is ONLY attracted to other black men. Im not racists its just what makes my dick hard.Its what im physically and mentally attracted to. And im not going to appologize for it. Having sexual and even social preferences does not make you a racist, bigot, or a evil horrible person.you get tired of saying no to or ignoring white asian and hispanic men you are not sexually attracted to. BUT…BUT… there is more respectful ways to say it.as long as you keep it respectful its ok to state preferences. It saves everyone time and trouble..
I was just trying to explain this to some clueless Caucasian gentleman.
Essentially, the phrase “just my preference” and its variations are completely useless. One, it is redundant. Of course it’s your preference, unless you’re ghostwriting for some other asshole.
People think it’s a polite thing to say, as if that phrase ends oppression. If that’s how you feel, let me help you out: the burden to end oppression doesn’t rest solely on your shoulders. Congratulations, you’re now as free as the wind on this beach.
Personally, I don’t include any preference in my profile. I believe you should tell someone you are not interested when they message you. No need to make anyone feel rejected without even talking to them. That shit hurts, even if we don’t want to admit it.
Um – You like what you like. I’m not interested in meeting up with any race but caucasian. Mostly because I am not PHYSICALLY attracted to any other race. If someone thinks that it’s “racist” because someone doesn’t prefer to sleep with a person of another race, then that person is a fucking idiot. I have never been offended if a white guy says he’s only into black guys..who the fuck cares, it’s your PREFERENCE. PREFERENCE doesn’t NOT make someone racist. People need to stop with this bullshit. If you don’t want to sexually be involved with Asians, African American’s, or any other race…it’s what you prefer. I wish we could get over this shit.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not being attracted to black or asian men. I’m not attracted to ethnic men, it isn’t a choice for me, just like it isn’t a choice that I’m gay. To call it self-segregation and racism is stupid at best, and destructive at its worst. It’s a divisive, hate-mongering tactic that people throw around to shame others into doing something (or someone) that they, like me, really don’t want to do.
I decided to say my piece, since this topic is getting so old to me. Preferences are just that. I’m a black male but I don’t care if someone of another race says “no blacks” lol. I keep it moving because I PREFER black dudes first. I love a nice ass on a black dude. I like smooth ass, younger bottoms, etc. It’s my preference. None of us are going to make others like what they don’t like. Give it up. If one don’t like you, there’s a dozen more who will.
We all have preferences, and that’s fine. No one is forced to date or hook up with someone that they’re not interested in. I get that people like different things – some like young guys, some like older, some like white, some like black, some like hung, some don’t.
What I’ve never understood is why some people get so nasty about what they like. A simple “I’m looking for tall, athletic, white guys under 30” gets the point across. Says what you’re looking for,and hopefully guys that don’t meet that won’t waste their time.
But some people feel the need to belittle the people that don’t meet their preferences, and I don’t understand it. Everyone knows what you mean when you say you’re looking for someone “athletic.” There’s just no need to go on a diatribe saying “no fatties. I hate fatties. You’re all disgusting and just need to go away … no one wants you.” What’s the point of that? What do you gain from putting that in your profile?
There are people on here whose profiles are just long diatribes about everything they don’t like. I just block those people. I find that people that go out of their way to talk down to people are generally sad and unhappy, and are just trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down. Sad really.
People need to realize how dead this subject is, YES there is a point to be made but you’re beating a dead horse. Caucasian people and people of thier hue are very nonchalant about this subject because it does not effect personally, so they do not care. Let it be about Gay Rights, then and only then will they want “ready the troops” then and only then will you be accepted. People of color want to make a change about something, then DO SOMETHING, STOP PERPETUATING THE STEREOTYPE OF THE THUG MANDINGO, STOP BEING THEIR TOPS, JUST BECAUSE THEY WANT YOU TO, TELL ADAM4ADAM TO STOP THE AD’S OF ONLY BLACK TOPS AND ETC.. You have a VOICE, you have a MIND, USE THEM!
I’m so glad you spoke out about this. The guys in my home state are so bad about this and they are definitely not friendly about it, either. I never thought gay men would be so prejudiced with one another but then again, look at the kind of world with live in when things like that still exists. I hate that it exists but then again, I tell myself that those are just people that haven’t learned yet. that haven’t learned that words do hurt and there are repercussions with them. They probably think it’s a joke at the end, but it never is. And they, or in this case, we, need to be respectful of each other. If people are willing to accept us, we need to start accepting each other.
If an LGBT individual goes to a job interview and is told “sorry, we are only looking for heterosexuals to fill this position”, one might take offence on the grounds that this is blatant discriminated against the said LGBT individual. Why? It is perfectly fine for the employer to have PREFERENCE for the type of individual he/she would like to employ. But, as we all may agree, such reasoning for not granting a person a job is wrong because it sets an uneven playing field between LGBT and heterosexual individuals. Furthermore, it establishes a social climate where one individual is viewed as lesser to another individual.
Understand that it is perfectly fine to have a preference towards a particular type of individual. But, also be aware that explicitly denying those who don’t fit into that type category creates a climate that equally discriminates. The issue here is not that preferences are racist, agist, ableist, etc. Rather, the issue is that the conversation around these preferences can create an atmosphere that reduces the worth of an individual based on features they can do nothing about.
To those who argue “I don’t sleep with women, does that make me sexist?”, I say: this argument is not quite the same as the issue being discussed. A female cisgender/ transgender individual is not the same as a male cisgender/transgender individual. To have an attraction towards one over the other (or both) determines where you fall within the LGBTQ. That’s an argument for whether you’re gay, straight or bi. But, if we are to view all cisgender males as the same, a white male, black male, asian male, and so on, should be treated as the same. Therefore, disregarding a subcategory of the group, based on race, is in fact racist, whether you believe it to be a “preference” or not. You are in fact saying (whether you are saying in explicitly or implicitly) that one subgroup is better (more attractive) than another.
The overarching issue, therefore, is not that you have a particular attraction towards a subgroup, but why you have that attraction in the first place. Why is a particular subgroup more attractive than another? The underlying reasons for this are the same reasons why there was a “curvy woman” movement in the media, and why there is now a “skinny girl” movement for acceptance now. Social norms that owe their ideals to a history of racism and discrimination dictate what we find attractive, and it plays out in how we treat those who we find unattractive (the social outcasts). Listing preferences saves you time because these outcasts aren’t even worth the time it takes to say sorry, not interested. These outcasts aren’t even worth getting to know, to see if a deeper connection could be made. Preferences are not inherently racist, ableist, etc. But, the reasons behind them come from a very discriminatory place.
Nice reads I see alot of points I agree with and some I don’t. People do what a choice thats their business. I’ve had two instance’s that I wish I could have responded before I was blocked. I go by Shakerrump on this site as well. I’m black there recently was a minority non black who’s profile said no blacks but he messaged me asking to help him pay for his phone bill and he’d consider sex as if I wanted to have sex with him I was quickly blocked by him. Another minority non black called me a fat nigger. I never looked at his profile or anything he just messaged me and did this. I was blocked before I could respond.
AMEN!!!!!!!!!
Great topic think about it everyday. I could write a rainy but i will just say this.Preference is something one can control.Arched brows colored contacts things like that. race and nationality you cant. stop the dumb shit, if yoihave a problem looking down and seeing your skin next to a different color then evaluate your life cause the person with you or trying to talk to you obviously does not have a problem.
I understand how people can get upset by seeing it written; But, what is the difference between seeing that on a “Dating” site and also seeing a “Preference” for guys only within 5 years of me? Most guys wouldn’t even blink at seeing a comment like that; they would think, okay this guy who is 32 only wants someone within a few years of them to “Date” or whatever. I truly do not look at this as discrimination because they are not saying “I don’t like this race because they …”, they are simply stating what their preferences are for immediate sexual attraction. Guys are visual creatures (Science has proved this on countless occasions) and the ones that know what doesn’t turn them on state it save everyone time in the long run.
I understand If I were in a bar and a guy walked up and said “Hello” I would never say “Fuck off. I don’t talk to old fat men.” I am sure that very few men on A4A would. However, keep in mind that you can call his a date site all you want, but it is, always has been and always will be a “hook-up” site. If all members were honest, you would find very few are looking for a “date” or a relationship, they are here for hook-up. I do not chat here. I do not try to make friends. I am looking for NSA sex. So I usually only reply to men I am physically attracted to. yes that is shallow but I am using A4A for my purpose.
BTW, I am over 50, and often rejected on A4A. It is a fuck site and I know that a lot of men are looking for a different type fuck-buddy. So I would rather a man ignore me or say “Not interested”, as to meet and both of us be embarrassed.
One final (2nd) comment I’d like to make.
It appears that guys that whine about being PC and accusing those with preferences as inhuman, tend to have psychological issues separating them from thinking rationally and respecting our differences. These people are often the dangerous future Nazis in our society. Beware.
And they have little self-respect, usually physically unhealthy or not motivated to self-mprove, then accusing those that don’t ‘prefer’ them as racist or bigot.
Humans can rationalize anything if they put their mind to it.
Dave:
I’d suggest you stick to keeping this site a healthy blog of hot sexy porn and pictures. Nothing else. The childish level of subjects is degrading the site.
Oh and please get rid of the live hookers in the bottom window ‘staring’ out a me when I log in. Really trashy and pathetic.
🙂
Yeah profile on A4A or another site, always like that way.
“No Asians”, “No Filipinos”, “No Small Dicks”, “No Dark Skinned”, “No Fems” or “No Shorts” on profile is still there since 1999 on another site. That is like forever. Who wrote like that?. White, Black and Latino/Mexican guys wrote like that on profile. I’m thinking they’re like best friends who doesn’t like Asians/Pacific Islanders…….
To me, it is like prejudice than preference. On their profile looks stupid and rude, it shows who you are include your face picture…..
I never put it likes that on profile NOPE….
sometimes you have to be BLUNT in order for those that can’t comprehend a statement to get the point! as for those that are only looking to “date” and show their cock or ass and dick size!!! who you fooling? HA!! also stats! OMG most are so off the wall these queens should be arrested for lying!! 5’5″ 200#, 38″ waist IS NOT ATHLETIC…. unless you equate yourself to Shamo….we all have a preference….don’t like the stats of the ‘man’ your looking at? move on and GET OVER IT!!!!
If you’re a black guy and you get upset because a white guy doesn’t want to talk/date/sleep with you, you have some deep self hatred issues within yourself.
“i haven’t been getting laid and it’s everyone else’s fault”
Racial slurs, overt insults and such are a different story, but I have no problem with preferences.
Anybody who says they don’t have preferences is a liar. Attraction is subjective. If I like strawberry ice cream the best, I am saying that’s what tastes best TO ME. I’m not saying that other ice cream flavors are bad (or even that I’d never eat another ice cream flavor), just that my unique combination of tastebuds finds strawberry ice cream to be the best (for example of course, because really nothing can beat chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream… 🙂 ).
I’m 32, but look young for my age, but if I see a guy who I would be interested in but his profile says “No one over 30,” I don’t message him. I respect his voiced preference. It’s normal to be a little hurt when you are rejected by someone you might be interested in, but handling rejection is part of being an adult. Remember, there will always be people who are interested in you who don’t fit your preferences.
I don’t list preferences because I don’t find them to be set in stone (my ex was taller than me despite my general opinion that short is sexy for example), but you can bet I have preferences. Frankly I’d be far more embarrassed to sit here and claim I find EVERYONE attractive no matter what than to admit that I have a type that I prefer.
Oh, for example like this. How do u like this when someone wrote, “No Handicaps”, “No Deafs” or “No Blinds”……..
Did u realize this?. It could be you maybe lose a leg or hearing loss or lose eyesights….
How do u feel?. You don’t care because you got no hearts…..
Seriously, this has been discussed a dozen times on here in various forms. If you son’t like profiles who list negative preferences, ignore them an move on. But, please; stop bitching about it.
Where to start? Okay, first, to all of you individuals who post here under the guise of intelligent beings, stop comparing this issue of a blatant disregard for those who don’t fit your egotistical viewpoints to sexism and the exclusion of women from your potential mating pool. Unless you’re bisexual, you can’t make that argument, because you CAN’T desire women sexually, either for genetic or other reasons. So sexism can’t be brought into this argument, unless you’re the type of misogynistic individual who likes to exclude women from EVERYTHING. These two issues can’t be compared. And it shows a serious lack of both intelligence and common sense to attempt to do so.
That said, the op is absolutely right. It is rude. It is very insulting. A preference is something you care more for than other things. It means that, for example, while you like vanilla ice cream(don’t read into that, it really is my favorite), you’re not opposed to something else. So when you state a preference, it would be something akin to ‘(insert trait) preferred’ or ‘ I like red heads’. To say you dislike an entire group of people regardless of appearance simply on the basis of their color for whatever reason, is highly racist. It is also terribly stupid. It’s like saying ‘oh this Asian man hit me, so I don’t like ANY Asian man.’ There is no way such statements as ‘no (inser race)’ can be perceived as anything less than an insult at the least, and racist at worst. I don’t date white people because I can’t see it as anything but unsafe-potentially damaging physically and psychologically. But I don’t write such things on my profile because I take time to consider that while not all of them are like this, it would be insulting and painful to those who aren’t like that. That said, I prefer darker complexions regardless of race, and I do state that in my profile. It’s not insulting, and it gets across what I prefer while not alienating-purposely or otherwise- any particular group.
It’s sad that this has to keep being discussed repeatedly, and that this is what the gay community may come to be known for-as the discriminated against group that discriminates within it’s own demographic. This is the reason that the community will end up being splintered. And it’s also the reason a great many will continue to choose to be as far away from the community as possible.
As to you, op, a piece of advice: people like that are arseholes, pure and simple, and not the type of person you should want around you to begin with. This issue will not change unless you choose to leave the states. Most are just too ignorant to attempt to remedy the problems in their own mind sets and those of their peers. That said, block them and move on with your day. The fact that you allowed a group of imbeciles to bother you to the extent that you felt this merited being posted says you give them-and possibly others- too much value and power in your own life. Don’t let such petty people with no significance to your life occupy space in your mind that could be better spent making your life more enjoyable.
Take care, mate.
Yeah Latino & Mexican guys are so happy that White guys loves Latino & Mexican guys better than ugly Asians & Filipinos. Yayayayay! Whoo-Whoo!!!!!…..
Latino & Mexican guys are so happy and smile that White guys are into mostly Latino & Mexican guys better than Asians/Filipinos or blacks. Whoo-Whoo!!!. 😉
“Be White or Latino/Mexican Only”. Very popular….
Honestly, most of those guys are very insecure. I’m an African American thick man and I’m always getting pushed away because I’m “too fat” or because I’m “African American”. What does the color of my skin have to do with anything? It’s only skin. It doesn’t fully define who I really am. As far as being a thick man, so what if I’m thick? That doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of doing many things. You can’t judge a book by its cover. Growing up, my elders have taught me to never judge someone based on their looks (no matter who they are) but their heart and personality. It’s very difficult for someone like me to get a decent date even by my own race because of my age, my body type, my race, etc. I’ll admit I wasn’t into Latino men sexually at first but I took the time to get to know one and the sex with him was AMAZING! After that day, I stopped judging people. Some of these guys have never tried being with someone outside of their “preference”. I advise guys like that to at least try it once. You never know….you may love it!
I read story somewhere that person who killed himself because of profile that said, “No Ugly Asians” or “No Ugly Shorts” or “No Blacks”. That is cruelty wow. I feel bad for them.
Generally, MOST LATINO AND JAPANESE American born guys prefer White guys. Black and White guys usually are open minded. I am open minded. I look for “chemistry”.
Xenophobia, go to Urban dictionary…..
I am sorry but you are mixing the use of those phrases with life and dating? In life we SHOULD NOT not say I cannot sit with you or talk to you because you are black Fat or Ugly ..That would mean the person saying it is insane but on Dating sites the right to chose the ethnic background or physical appearance of the person you want to meet is not the same thing. I use dating sites and I can honestly say I HAVE to put in my profile specifically what I am lookig for from age to race to physical appearance because that is what I am attracted to and I will not date someone other just because being selective is disrespectful and the other reason you have to put that in your profile and search criteria is because if you do not you will get everyone from 1 – 100 and every ethnic background etc etc …email you. Its like saying I want to date but you don’t put in if you want a man or woman?? Makemeabird I think you are pretty DUMB to write this blurb
I understand how men have preferences because wel all do but there’s a way to go about it. Not to just state: “I want to date a man not a guy who acts like a bitch!” or with one that I read and it really made me doubt some men on here: “If I wanted to get robbed I would date a black guy” smh.
I’m a 24 year old Latino bottom from the Boogie down Bronx (Grey26). Many guys shoot me down because I’m classified as ‘effeminate’-I have a high voice and some feminine gestures and that’s all- but many guys want that rugged masculine men. I get it, and I understand but when I chat with guys that aren’t my type I still give them a chance because you NEVER know if you find yourself falling for him.
Again I get preferences I do but they should be met with respect instead of being rude and obnoxious especially in the profiles.
Yes, people are rude here because they can hide behind a profile.If they were face to face they would not be so rude I think. There are all kinds of prejudice and I have found it so many times I can not count. I am HIV and I plainly state it in my profile. I have been blocked so many times after some conversation when they finally read the whole profile and discover that they are chatting with someone that is HIV. I am healthier that probably most on here. Plus it is safer to be with someone that is honest about their status because at least I am honest enough to put it out there. I have chatted with many others that don’t put their status in their profile because of the prejudice that is out there. I feel that many have been “forced” to not disclose because they fear the rejection of the few rude ones out there. Blocking someone for their honesty is just rude. Be courteous, it might just come back to you oneday when you might need it. Courtesy is contagious, try it.
I understand this blog and identify with it so much. We can rationalize it and try to explain it away, but the truth is its hateful. You mean to tell me an entire race of people aren’t attractive to you, and that’s just your preference? I don’t think so. There is something else there. As a black man, growing up I refused to even look at another black man, and the truth is I was dealing with issues from my family, now this may not b everybody, but I still think there is another reason behind comments like these other than it just a preference. If you say no fats or fem, maybe you are thinking lifestyle choice and to some degree I can understand that, but race isn’t a choice, and no one should e made to feel like less of a person because of it. Everyone has a right to like what they like, but there is no excuse for rude bitchassness.There is no need for straight people to hate us, we do enough of it on our own.
Why is it OK to state Latin, Asian, Blacks, Uncut to the front of the line.
If I state White Cut to the front of the line I am a racists.
Does not compute.
You people are prejudiced against Whites.
Um….does the author have a problem understanding that some people don’t want to fuck around with literally every man on the face of the planet? Then when looking for a quick hookup, they may have a particular taste/fetish/fantasy they want to play out?
Everyone has their own tastes and are attracted to different people and types of people. Lord knows I’m not going to have sex with someone I find so unattractive that I can’t maintain an erection.
Remember, this is is about sex, not socialization.
Thanks Gawk I’m not born Asian or Filipino. Glad to see “No Asians Please” or “No Filipinos Please” on profile. Best gifts ever Whoo-Whoo!.
You like what you like…personally I like all shades of men…but I don’t like men bigger than me (with exceptions). I like what I like; including who I fuck.
This is so true and coming from a generation asking to be excepted equally in marriage. I think widest is all the guy charging for sexual favors and not paying taxes on incomes just because there good looking. Sad
I guess ill always be confused about this likes dislikes prefernces labeling or stero typing deal . to me if they nice inside person who nice to me . be it friendly generious or show true affection and friendship , vanity fades all get use to that and just try to be nice to someone for change . you may have giving someone the time of their lives that may never cross their path again in this life time . i have had some say this to me. ” you still the best good looking guy and good in bed that i have ever met with don ” and im still friend to them today in fact . even though we not close by anymore and only talk on phone . Ive made someone happy once in their lives and it was all worth it . its too petty to be picky and choosey of things . are you try to buy a hoe or something when you want this and that or like this and that ? no so i thnk all should stop all that . the only thing i dis likes and kinda would still risk again , would be give head to uncut men only because i had bad exp and so i make me kinda reluctant . now if someone choose prefernce based on that , i understand. however if they choosing because they looking for flavor and to treat men like an object , keep moving man .. keep moving .. im human with values and feelings and dont rerally care for hookup anyhow . if you can just use a body for se xonly , what else could he do to human ? and soborly ? oh my !!! peace . thanks for leting me give my little bit
All I know is that I am white and my boyfriend is black and we have the best loving and caring relationship that could ever exist.