Speak Out : “Fitness Is A Must”
(If you want to submit a blog post too, please send it to blog at adam4adam.com)
I know staying healthy is something everyone wants and there’s nothing wrong with it, but for a while I’ve been seeing people putting in their profiles that others must either be perfectly fit and hit the gym at least 4 to 5 times a week, have a noticeably built body or be as masculine as possible to even bother speaking to them…..
Now I know people have their preferences, but are we, as a community, so judgmental to the point we won’t even speak to someone of a different “group” unless they pass the requirements? is it taboo to be a chubby chaser? or to NOT have a six pack? what’s wrong with just being an average Joe? is sex and lust what the gay life is all about?
A simple hello from a guy that’s not our type deserves no hate, heck, if they actually spoke to us is because they liked us, it’s a compliment! not every hello is a sex invitation, and no response to it is either. I know a lot of people worked their ass off for the body they wanted, and I admire that just as much as everyone else….but in no way that’s reason to treat anyone below you as unworthy peasants, not everyone has the time, energy, or feel the need to live jogging and weightlifting.
Opinions?
Anonymous
I had aguy once go off on me cuz I’m an older guy that likes younger, and all I said to him was “hi”. He told me I should get a reality check and stop hitting on younger guys. He also said that he wanted the guys I was hitting on and that I should just stick to guys my own age.
I have no problem speaking to guys of any body type, however when it comes to dating I do want someone who is active like me. I don’t want a couch potato boyfriend. I’m sorry if it sounds rude, but if I work hard to stay in shape then so should my boyfriend. you don’t have to have a six pack, but at least workout
Thank you, amen, etc. I think it’s enough, that as a gay community , we go through scrutiny from the the rest of the world. Then have the nerve to turn around and tear down our own… Seriously?! Let’s our heads out of our asses please. How do you expect someone to except you for you, when you don’t for another? Let’s act like humans for once, please!
let’s just be honest, we are a bunch of judgmental, racist, ageist, hypocritical fucks.
I believe you misunderstand the intent. People have no time for games. They don’t want chit chat they are looking to meet someone for either a relationship or a quick hook up. that said then why are people that don’t fit what they are looking for messaging them? I’m sure in the non online world people have plenty of friends that are “not their match”. But when online it makes no sense to be messaging profiles that you are not a match for especially when the profile states what makes a match, does not make a match, or that they are not there for online chit chat.
I agree with you. we as gay community should’ve been more friendlier than straight community. but from what i have seen, it is more closer to frat guys type. just like what i hear from my straight friend in fraternity, ” i have good friend, nice guy, but i won’t invite him to party cuz he’s ugly”. is that what our community has been reduced to? i hope not.
That seems to be the norm, but just as rigid and limiting as some people’s desires. It does seem far more common to have unrealistic parameters, which in my opinion, limit ourselves. You’d think that maybe, just maybe, people would broaden their scope, and not continuously be looking for something, that just doesn’t exist. It does appear, that most frequenters to personal sites, have many, and on other sites, but with different names, but dubiously with the same pics, but a different set of stats, etc. Having been on some of these sites for years, mostly browsing, many haven’t updated or changed them in years, I have a great memory. If you are at the gym 4-5 times a week, plus a 40 hour a week job, do you really have any time to develop something that lasts long? Are you willing to put more into it, rather what you think you’ll get out of it. It does seem often, far more common for people in general to be superficial, but when the personality isn’t worth it, it just doesn’t matter. Few people like jerks, liars, cheaters, etc. It’s nothing new, and yet it just seems like we haven’t learned, and all the good and available ones, have given up, or just not “into”, (I detest that phrase), the same things, and don’t identify with the whole bogus “community”, that is far more split and meaner within it’s own group that the outside, and think they have an immunity to treat each other less than human.
society’s not going to change for you. hit the gym.
Couldn’t have said it better. What’s wrong with someone saying hello or sending a smile? It’s a compliment! The guys who can’t respect that are the one’s with a problem not the guy who said hello. If you’re not interested then don’t respond or say thanks, but no thanks and move on. This is the internet for God’s sake. You’re not obligated to do anything because somebody you’re not interested in paid you a complement. Beauty is only skin deep. If the gym rats bodies are really as hot as they claim but they’re so shallow that they have to diss somebody whose not their type then they’re not really hot at all. A nice “ugly” guy is way better to be with than a fine bitch anytime.
The unrealistic standards that women have had to live with are now being placed on men. Todays standard is for a ripped hairless body. I feel it is important to try to be healthy but health in itself comes in all shapes and sizes. I find that those small imperfections are what make a person unique and special.
There is no way to respond to this. Those that agree, and those that disagree will never meet or change.
I don’t expect a guy to be Adonis, but let’s face it if you’re a slovenly, overweight, lazy, slob, that speaks volumes about your personality and sense of self-respect. You have to love yourself before you can love another, as they say.
Having particular preferences is fine as to body, etc., but there is never a reason for bad behavior, there is too much of it online as it is.
Courtesy is always called for and costs nothing.
A simple “thank you” is all that’s needed if your not into someone.
It’s not so much vanity as it is reflective of lifestyle. I workout because it makes me feel good, and reflects my commitment to health. If the other guy doesn’t have a same interest or commitment, he may not understand why I have to workout every day and may want me to break my commitment now and then.
For me and for most other people, A4A is used primarily, if not solely, for the purpose of hooking up. As was mentioned in the post, I spend lots of time (and money) to get my body where it is today. As a result, I expect to be hooking up with similar body types on a hookup site.
With that said, if someone contacts me on here to compliment me or say hello and they don’t interest me, whether it’s related to their body type or some other reason, they’re not getting a response. Why, because I’ve found that the minute I respond back, they usually chose to try and continue the conversation.
I have found that not replying at all is better than giving a simple “thanks”. Call me an dbag but this is A4A – a hookup site. How I respond to people on this site is not at all representative of how I treat people face to face…
I believe a high percentage of gay men are very judgemental… And refuse to even have an online chat with someone who doesn’t have a photo that meets their standards. I have been on the receiving end of that many times. I am far from being unattractive, but do have a few extra pounds on me. ( like 15) While not even close to being obese, I have had A4A members block me or just come right out and tell me they have no interest in a “fat” guy… And a lot of this comes from members who, themselves, are much heavier than I. I have also hooked up with guys who bear no resemblance to their online pics. Their photos show ripped abs, pumped up biceps and well defined muscles… Yet in reality, they are just average looking joes. I think a lot of pics are photoshopped to reflect a much more idealistic image. Not sure what that’s all about…. Like nobody is going to notice?
The point of this article kind of get’s lost here and there, but I offer two simple rules of thumb I think the writer needs to acknowledge.
1: Allow people to list whatever they want in their profile. If you don’t agree with their restrictions, don’t bother hitting on them.
2: Understand that “a simple hi” is generally interpreted as hitting on a person. A4A is a sex/hook-up/dating site. This is a reality, so stop hitting on someone who’s profile says “no one under 30” if you are 21: You’re likely going to annoy that person.
#PREACH – I could not AGREE with you more!!! 🙂
Don’t take that crap personally! Those types of guys inflate their own egos at your expense. That’s the biggest turn off on earth to me. They put all their efforts into body image while leaving their personalities unchecked. Thankfully, not everyone is like that.
I’m not perfectly fit, even have a little belly, but I still manage to make friends. It’s because I’m friendly, respectful, and level headed. It drives the “vanity” guys insane to see average Joes having good time while they’re still trolling. They don’t handle rejection very well either.
Go do your thing and let them be crazy.
Could not agree more! Too many people today are hung up on the idea of if you are not “perfect” then they won’t even give you the time of day. Some guys are a little over wight and so on but no reason you can’t at least be friendly and say hello. Or for that matter if a person is looking for friends maybe be just that? A friend? Some of us single guys are at the point in life where we have to wonder where the guy who wants perfect will be and look like when he is our age? As it was said if you have worked out and have the great body you want and everything great, we are happy for you but don’t snub your nose at someone who is not even remotely close to the perfect 10 that you want….
Give others a chance and at least talk to them..who knows maybe they are looking for someone to help them get in better shape…
What have you got to loose? If you don’t want someone to judge you as a snob or an ass then be nice and open up and lower the standards of who you will or will not at least talk to.
If a hello on this website is not sent as a sex invitation, I ignore or delete it. I am here to have sex, not to chat or make friends. That being said, a hello from anyone outside of my sexual preferences is not even acknowledged.
If a gym rat only wants to speak to people who share the same drive and ambition as them, thats perfectly okay. If chubby chasers only want to talk to chubby guys and not muscle guys thats fine. Everyone has their own form of judgement.
I don’t care if a guy is fit or not, I just don’t want someone whose dick is only attainable by lifting their stomach. I also hate the smell of flab, which is another reason why I avoid heavier set guys. I prefer a solid daddy belly to normal. I don’t care about a six pack, honestly. I think it’s overrated and a waste of time.
Something else that annoys me in the gay community is when I see people who put on their profiles “I workout x number times of the week,” but it doesn’t show.
yes it’s a requirement in this “society” that you be young and buff, others need not apply.
The issue is not the so call sex invitiation from someone out of your “group”, but from the person who keeps sending you messages thousands of times each time you log on here (usually fat men & old men), who for some odd reason has not picked up a hint that if you haven’t replied to any of the messages, why would you now? I personally don’t like fat men to be my boyfriend or even a hook up and yes i do have friends that are fat, but they nothing more to me than just friends. To me fat men are just lazy, don’t care about themselves or their health, & always have some lame excuse to why they can’t lose the weight or go to the gym.. I’m not saying you have to have a body of a greek god, but atleast have the weight in control, cause at some point, your weight is the root to 98% of your health problems. The other reason why i don’t fat men is my size. I’m 5’3 tall % 110 lbs and i don’t to feel like i’m going to die of suffocation if a fat guy is a top and i bttm or hear him complain that his knees or feet hurt cause i top, plus men with man boobs are gross to me, but thats just me.. Its funny how you say that we are judgemental but yet when i read alot of the posts that this website put up and the replies from people all i ever read is top this, bttm that, or i’m vers, not to mention i’m dl or bi.. We can’t move forward as a community until we stop judging ourselves.. Everytime some guy ask me if i like top or bttm more since i’m vers, i tell them i like both, or i’m a man so sexual roles don’t define me. If alot of gays got their heads out their a$$es and stop doing open relationships, triads, sleeping around, consently drinking, doing drugs, having sex parties, or using some kind of animal label(bear,wolve, otter, or twinkie & what not),maybe the heterosexual community could accept us alittle better. Fyi most of my friends that were or are fat ended up losing the weight with hard work, blood, sweat, tears, and me jumping on their asses when they needed it and cause of that, their medical problems are vitually gone & i get to have them around a few extra years instead of wondering if they going to make it through the week. Again you don’t have to be a greek god, but go to the or watever and keep you weight under control.. 10 of my friends lost their weight by doing the p90x workout and beach body workout by shaun t(hint hint hint)…
Have you been living in a cave all this time Dave?… YES, didn’t you know? SEX and LUST is all that the gay life is about! You couldn’t have summed it up better.
I don’t wanna sound shallow, but I’m fit with a six pack and work out four times per week. I really don’t see much to being gay as it relates to having a relationship or gay friends (they are really no true gay “friends” either). All I go for is the instant gratification of fast, easily accessible and amazing SEX. You also need to have a great body to have a good time at the clubs and meet other hot guys. And especially if you weren’t born handsome, bruh.. you gotta work your ass off at the gym to compensate for what nature didn’t give you. You just need to have a great body to be gay, so YES, sex and lust is all that the gay life is about.
Even if you should go to a church that is predominantly gay, where everyone should be welcomed and treated equally you will find that the hot guys get treated so much better, because people want to have sex with them. I was grown up in a religious background where my parents taught me about the ways of the devil and the lusts of the flesh.. and indeed this lifestyle is all about the “flesh!” We have deviated from God’s plan, so there is really no other source of happiness for us outside of sex, it’s all physicality and flesh. That’s the reason why when the sex gets stale, people go to drugs, in order to get the same physical and mental high.
It’s just the way it is.. the sooner we accept this reality, the better it is for us, which is why I don’t plan on being gay for all of my life.. it’s a sick unhappy life! Oh and by the way, don’t forget.. you should not be over 30 years old…!!!
I know my opinion isn’t worth a hill of beans but it’s mine. Why are you upset at the small minded people, on any given day any of us can be small minded even you and I. Some people have race hangups as well, so if the fitness guys aren’t your type and vise versa… just move on and find what suit you. The gay community comes in all shades and flavors. I don’t get much play online because I like smooth fems who are hairless face and body wise and can act female in private but are not flaming,loud or boisterous in public. I don’t get upset if people don’t like me… just move on your type is out there
It’s elementary my dear. Our eyes are our worst enemy. People ignore the junkies, runaways, and those that are not as knowledgeable due to self-righteousness. There are some heavy-set men who ignore other big men, under the same ruberic. There also maybe the fear of adopting the habits of one who may be less active or vice versa. This can be thought of as a result of up bringing or social status quo. This then becomes a race to see who can do the most accepting or dismissive. There are a set of apes that settle all their differences through sex. Any quarrel, is solved through sexual interaction whether it be between two males or two females or the opposite sex. Some may dismiss the actions of primative beings but they forget that we are derived from primative entities. If dogs are domesticated wolves what do you think human became domesticated from, and by whom?
Something to think about…
A guy who takes invests his time into maintaining a healthy lifestyle and look good will expect nothing less from a partner, even if only for one night. When I look at a gy’s profile I think if he doesn’t care about his body, why should I? What most of these men will not tell you is that they are not attracted to other men in their own group, I see this happen all the time. Even if you don’t have a perfect physique, if you cannot sell and represent yourself properly, your odds are slim.
A guy who invests his time into maintaining a healthy lifestyle and look good will expect nothing less from a partner, even if only for one night. When I look at a guy’s profile I think if he doesn’t care about his body, why should I? What most of these men will not tell you is that they are not attracted to other men in their own group, I see this happen all the time. Even if you don’t have a perfect physique, if you cannot sell and represent yourself properly, your odds are slim. The weird thing is that when I remove my photos online, or have the shirtless pics private, these same guys who wouldn’t let me by would all of a sudden ignore me, and don’t even notice me. I prefer to give my body to another guy I know will appreciate me regardless of weather or not I am nude, and that can come only from a guy who cares about his own body, I can then expect him to cherish mine.
To me, going to the gym and working out and expecting everyone else to is self obsessed to me and fall under the typical gay guy category. I refuse to be a manufactured Ken doll like most men on this site want to be and I could care less about who likes or does not like me.
It seems like some people think other people must live up to their expectations. Kind of impossible to control what other people do with their own bodies. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment on top of being mentally abusive. Control is not love.
“Now I know people have their preferences, but are we, as a community, so judgmental to the point we won’t even speak to someone of a different “group” unless they pass the requirements?”
Yes. Need anyone say more?
You said it. It’s better to be healthy than fit and nothing could be better than be yourself no matter your bone size. I have said all my friends to exercise for the sake of your health rather than get an impressive body because not all the time it works due different factors in yourself that maybe you don’t even know. Remember…at one point gym passed by as beauty fades. What it could remains is stupidity.
Yes gay men are vapid and shallow. If you’re over the age of 24 you’re OLD in gay years unless of course you make great money and/or you’re SUPER HOT. it’s even “sexy” to be emaciated sickly thin but God forbid you don’t plump your lips get procedures live in the gym and have FLAWLESS teeth. How DARE a fella get a little plump! Normalcy is horrendous! And yes simply saying hello is considered a total come on even though most profiles say they seek friends/chat. I especially like those who say ” if ‘hi’ or any other one liner is all you have to say then you will be blocked! ”
We’ll a conversation is generally supposed to be 2 sided isn’t it? Do they prefer a sonnet or something?
Your post is so true this gay life has become so shallow
GAY PEOPLE=SUPERFICIAL! POINT AND SIMPLE!
It’s not a requirement for me but honesty is. If the guy shows and looks nothing like his pic or even worse 100 lbs heavier than that’s ten times ruder than ignoring someone because they aren’t your type. I don’t see anything wrong with saying what you do and don’t find attractive, if you’re a chubby chaser I’m not going to hassle you so don’t hate me because I’m looking for someone who’s not totally out of shape.
Gym nuts are some of the least attractive guys I’ve ever met. So what you have a great body, your heart and personality are still ugly as can be. I’ve been that ideal swimmer body, I prefer being bigger, at least this way I weed out the self absorbed and complete douche bags. I’ll take an average Joe any day, at least I know he’ll put me first, not the gym.
A life spent in a gym is a life spent alone.
Well I don’t think sex is what the gay lifestyle is all about, but if you’re not looking for that at all, A4A is the wrong place to be at. It’s easier to ignore people who you are not interested in in general. I think there’s someone out there for every body type, age, race, lifestyle etc.. My advice: take nothing personally.
what a joke…..after meeting a few men from here and seeing what they REALLY LOOK LIKE!!!! UGH. aged ten or more years and put on at least 20 pounds…WTF? and no i did not do anything with them other than talk…..i lead a convo before hand when we meet and if we don’t ‘click’ chat is good enough for a few minutes and off i go. and the others “VGL” without a pic!….they should be looking in a mirror with the lights ON! beauty is in the eye of the beholder, NOT the one who thinks he is VGL….just saying
I’m a pretty average Joe; I have a handsome face and I’m working on the rest. I work out heavy every weekend, I eat as best as I can, but it is difficult when I work nearly ten hours a day, five days a week, and then have classes from 6 until 10 pm several nights those same weeks on top of that. I strive everyday to be a better man. Inside, I know I am a good and caring person, yet my ‘STATs’ are obviously not what most guys are looking for here — I’m okay with that as well; to each his own. If they’re that shallow, then stay in that end of the pool.
On occasion, someone will strike up a conversation with me. As we chat they may comment on my ability to write, the quality of my profile, etc., and when we finally unlock our pics, the conversation inevitably returns to sex [‘damn you are handsome’, ‘what a hottie’, and ‘what you up to RIGHT NOW?’ are regular comments]. It gets a bit disappointing when you have grown up with old fashioned standards, when you value getting to know a person, or having a connection with someone *before* you jump into a sexual situation. I admit I am pretty new to all this, and I appreciate the smorgasbord of adventures many are looking for on this [and other] website[s]; however, it is the devaluing of our brothers I find disgusting. Comments, such as: ‘don’t contact me if’, ‘No [place ethnicity, weight, or height … HERE], or ‘If I don’t reply, take the hint,’ and the list goes on. How can a group of men, who surely must have endured a myriad of similar prejudices in their own lives, not at least offer better to their own community?
Fortunately, you are fully within your rights to do so, we do not OWE anyone an explanation of what we ENJOY; however, not being able to put a simple ‘no thank you,’ into words, or respond politely to an email has turned the endeavor of finding the love [or sex] we seek into a series of unkind acts, committed upon the men who should understand our issues best. What the fast food industry has done to nutrition; we are currently perpetrating on our sexuality – when the oppressed become oppressor, WE have lost our humanity. Please say it isn’t so my brothers
HERE HERE FINALLY SOMEONE HAS DARED TO SPEAK OF THE PINK ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM!!!! it’s sad that so many guys SAY they want friends as well as “other” things from men,YET they can’t even be civil to someone they deem as not as good as them. lets face it,that hot gym body isn’t gonna last forever-and if that’s all u bring to the table……..NO THANKS! a great body is nice to look at,but if it has a nasty,arrogant attitude attached to it………….. hope I get to see the day where we all act as a community or at the very least treat each person with respect and common deceny
Sex and lust isn’t what gay life it all about, but it’s why I use this site. When I’m on here, it’s to find some cock, not to chat. For those of us with limited time who are just looking for a hook up, yes, every hello IS an invitation.
And regarding “not everyone has the time… to jog & lift” — funny how it always seems to be that those without time to exercise have all the time to chat on here. Trolling for booty all day and not working out makes me see you as a high risk for stds with low reward. Take half the time you all spend chatting on here and go run a mile. You’ll look better, feel better, and get laid more.
I am a guy that works out but I got it from playing football my whole life and trying to stay after all the injuries is the reason I keep doing it. But I’d never turn anybody down to chat maybe we can be good friends or hell maybe I can motivate this guy to get back in shape and become a Greek god like most of the workout heads want. Where I’m from in Kansas there is alot of racism if your not 120 lbs then your over weight if your black and try to talk to a white gay guy they will ignore you there is few that will go against the grain and say oh maybe I can be friends with this person I think if your that shallow you need block yourself from the regular human beings that have a damn heart grow the fuck up and learn that there is more to life than trYing to look like model.
Just a quick question. To those who are so very good looking, to those who have amazing hot bodies, to those so very young and beautiful….if you are all that, why are you on a hookup site to get a date, have a bj, or get a piece of ass? Maybe because in person you are egotistical, judgmental, no personality, no manners, rude, and a snob. Work on the inside as well as the outside for you own benefit. Yes, I am overweight, but I have lost 60# in the last 18 months. I am working on my problems. I have a great personality, I do community service work, I do service at church, have a great job, and lots of friends. I date a lot. Don’t lump all large people in one basket. We are all people and all deserve kindness and respect, especially from each other.
lol I love how “not being a gymaholic” equals to being an obese couch potato for some people….what if I told you, there are (many) more body types than bodybuilder and blob?
As a young very average features (not ugly but not terribly attractive), but who is a good person with a decent job, just trying to get ahead in this life, some of these cold comments made me CRY! I’m beginning to think that there really isn’t a place for me in this gay world. All this is happening while women flirt with me at work daily.
I am beginning to hate being gay and it has nothing to do with bigotry from straights but all from the hatred within our community. Especially because I gave up so much to move to a country where freedom supposedly rings! This was a very sad blog today Dave!
As a young gay man, very average features (not ugly but not terribly attractive), but who is a good person with a decent job, just trying to get ahead in this life, some of these cold comments made me CRY! I’m beginning to think that there really isn’t a place for me in this gay world. All this is happening while women flirt with me at work daily.
I am beginning to hate being gay and it has nothing to do with bigotry from straights but all from the hatred within our community. Especially because I gave up so much to move to a country where freedom supposedly rings! This was a very sad blog today Dave!
I’m going to start off by admitting that I mostly use gay social apps for hookups. I am one of those guys who hits the gym at least 5x/week. I don’t expect other people to have the time/interest that I have in staying fit, and I generally respond to every on who messages me in a polite, dignified manner.
However, men are pigs and they often take other people’s kindness on dating sites as interest in getting together.
Most of us are not attracted to women, no? In a very similar manner, some of us are not attracted to different physical or psychic characteristics in other men (age/ level of fitness/femininity/racial or cultural heritage/etc…). I think the real problem is that some people are so fragile, self hating, and desperate to be loved that they take a lack of mutual attraction as an insult to their moral character.
If a straight guy turns down your advances because he’s not attracted to you, it’s okay – it’s even half expected. But if another gay guy turns you down, he must be a racist or shallow or whatever other excuse you want to make to justify your insecure and immature feelings of rejection.
Fact is, sexuality is a spectrum and just because you feel you have love to give someone it doesn’t mean they want it or have any love for you.
I’m far from perfect myself, I am chubby. However, as far as I’m concerned, those who seem to think that because they are thin automatically means that someone who is overweight doesn’t deserve them or anyone who is thin, they need to go back to school and be around the children they are acting like. This isn’t high school, the world isn’t buildaguy.com. One thing that surprises me is that it never seems to occur to any of these fitness freaks that they could change someones life by dating a chubbier person. It is amazing what you will do for your partner, and that could be the motivation someone needs to lose weight, but alas, it’s all about being gym junkies for some guys. It’s one thing to complain about spending a lot of time on the couch, but spending all your free time in the gym is no better for a real relationship.
A nice body is great. What I need is a man with money. All that damn gym time; hell you could be making money.
HunterL, that was extremely well said & insightful. If you are man enough to express that kind of opinion, and indeed as handsome as your post implied, then you are truly a catch sir. I would take that over 24 pack abs any day.
i personally don’t have a issue with bigger guys my first BF wasn’t in tip top shape but i still loved him for who he was. than eventually he and i started working out and he started shedding lbs. i like bigger men than me.
We’re attracted to whom we’re attracted to. Nothing wrong with that. And no need to offend others. That’s what’s rude. Rude attitudes begets rude relationships and attitudes. And that’s truly ugly.
as a former fat guy I’ve experienced a lot of what’s been said here. Now that I’ve lost 60 lbs and still working out but also working and dealing with life and it’s complications I’m happy if I can get to the gym twice a week. I know I’ll never have the proverbial 6 pack but just dropping the weight has made a world of difference in how I look, sleep, feel in general ,my ex was fit and never pushed me to get fit ,but after starting to work I realized the difference in our sex was amazing ,he’s moved on but now I like it when I go to the gym. I get into my own little world and when done I feel great, but yes to each their own choices, just be real and honest with yourself and others…Dean
If you expect your partner to work out, you really are self obsessed
I agree there are way too many profiles that say must be fit or have to vist the gym certain amount of time a week. Some people fail to realize that you dont have to live in a gym be healthy or fit. I dont have a body that looks like its been chiseled out of marble but i think my body looks pretty damn good. No one wants a lazy boyfriend or one that lives on planet fitness for that matter. I have have a full time job and a part time job plus im a father of one so i dont have alot of time on my hands. If all you care about is the outside and not whats inside then you will never find the right boyfriend. Being shallow robs you of a good personality no matter how good and fit you are on the outside that makes you ugly too me
I think that most of the negative comments (e.g. comments against those who are not attracted to overweight/out-of-shape men) are being made by men who are out of shape, have a belly, and just want others to accept that being out of shape is “not important.”
I exercise regularly, even though I have very little time to do so. I do it for my health, my self-esteem, and because I find it attractive in others. Those who are overweight and don’t want to put in the effort should not complain against those of us who do not find it attractive. We can be friends, but I won’t be attracted- just sayin’.
I’m sorry, but I find it fuck’n HILARIOUS that the guys who posted the lesser positives about overweight guys think that all of us are some disgusting, nasty, stinking slob, who eats Twinkies & drink Mountain Dew of every second of everyday. That is utter BULLSHIT!! I AM far from having abs & looking like Channing Tatum (or how ever you spell his name.) But I fucking LOVE being active!! I love hiking, biking, hockey, camping, canoeing….outdoor shit. I fucking HATE going to the gym. I find it mundane & boring. Yes, I love playing video games & watch’n t.v.for more than a couple hours. But fuck me, I’m THE FIRST TO SAY “let’s go do something!!” I love exploring the city, visiting museums, going to concerts. But you know what….I FUCK’N LOVE FOOD!! I’m never going to give up food; eating what I want, when I want. And yes, this is a sex site..blah, blah, blah, blah….but if I KNOW I’M NOT IN YOUR FIELD TYPE…..that IS NOT GOING TO STOP me from messaging you. Who knows, we could have a lot in common, don’t you think?? Shouldn’t you AT LEAST give us a try at establishing I connection…even if it’s just platonic??
What many who behave this way fail to grasp is logical thinking. Instead of looking at the guy and wondering what his personality is, they judge completely on appearance. This unfortunately is the human condition and is promoted by our society.
I can honestly say that the majority of the best sex in my life has been with average joe types. Most gym rats are so worried about how they look that they forget that their is someone else in bed with them to please as well.
Also on a personal level, I’ve had several health issues that have kept me out of the gym for years. Two bouts with Cancer, circulation issues in my legs and most recently, a shattered elbow. I know have a permanent implant in my elbow for the rest of my life with a range of motion loss of 40%. I’m back in the gym now but only for my own health reasons. I have no desire to be a buff gym bunny and know that due to my past health issues, I’ll never have that type of body.
But you’ve already judged me by the way I look so you’d never know the real me or why I look the way I do.
Everyone has their preferences and everyone has what makes them hot. But i too have noticed that these ever so active perfect body gym rats all have one MAJOR problem. They are habitually single due to their preference or bias or lack of time. Lets face it, we all have lives to live. You cant expect “right now” from 99.999% of strangers. Its selfish and unrealistic. Along with the incredibly rigid parameters set by them. Its no wonder that they are the ones ALWAYS online and ALWAYS looking for sex although they claim to want more. If you want more then give more. Of your time and yourself and your expectations of others. Nothing wrong with fit but when thats all youll date, fuck or talk to. Then your the problem, not them. Im fit and healthy and every profile i come across that says fit only or six pack a must etc. I just pass it right by. I only ask that you be healthy and not dripping with STI’s if all im after is your ass. If im trying to date you then just be healthy, sane and willing to make time for me as i will for you. Thats been the problem with you gym rats. You spend more time at the gym on the vanity quest than you do with good men after you. Might as well jerk off in front of a mirror. Because thats the closest youll get to true intimacy at that rate.
totally agree with statement. and my job is a workout itself so i dont have to lift occassionally in gym.
funny though that most people that claim they only want those type of guys are ugly anyway and I dont see much interest in ugly guys so there ya go for what you give you receive haha!!
I’m 48 years old man who goes to the gym, eats healthy, quit smoking, and takes care of my appearance. I expect the same from any man I’m dating , regardless of age. I’m just tired of friends my age making a bunch of excuses about their appearance instead of doing something about it.
In response to this, why is it when you say hello to someone, they block you right away?? I know that I am older and not a gym body, but I am not always looking for a quick hookup. Chatting can be very stimulating too. I am not going to be rude to you on here or in person. I have some nice chat friends on here too. If the chat leads to something else, then great. If not, then that is fine too.
Guys, it’s a pick up site.. Don’t take it seriously.
Anthony is a shallow douche.
Unfortunately, he’s also 100% accurate and the only completely truthful poster here.
This happens a lot.
Its the online “GAY BAR”
There is a difference between a MAN and a FAGGOT.
A MAN is not a rude self centered individual. A MAN is considerate and compassionate and will politely respond to someone’s nonsexual friendliness.
However a FAGGOT is a rude, self centered, self edifying male who does not care about the feelings of others. The FAGGOT is to concerned about putting himself on a pedestal and looking down his nose at everyone, particularly those who are not (in his mind) worthy of common courtesies, politeness and manners. A FAGGOT will one day experience Karma.
I am a MAN and I have not shunned others for simply saying hello. A brief conversation never killed anyone.
The most beautiful and the most sex of males who are FAGGOTS (who have zero personalities and manners) are a complete turn off to me. I would NEVER consider anything with him other than brief friendly conversation. Oh but wait, I am not worthy of the common FAGGOT so I know my friendliness will be met with a hiss.
Wake up you silly faggots!
A MAN
Oh, gym bunnies. I admire the dedication. Nice to look at. Tend to be lazy in the sack. When you’re used to everyone chasing you, it does lead to a sense of entitlement.
I think deep inside everyone kind of (1) wants to LOOK like these hard bodied, good looking guys and (2) wants to see what it’s like to fuck them. It’s just a curiosity. I’m so curious what it’s like to feel those hard muscles and touch a pretty face. I think it’s natural to feel that way about something you find attractive.
However, all the other things that make me “me” usually trump that – my own life experiences have given me the insight that this whole physicality thing is here one day and gone the next. You never know what is going to happen to you. I’ve met some of the most handsome men who get deployed to Afghanistan and get their faces blown off. When they come back they have the most difficult times because their gay “friends” won’t have anything to do with them anymore.
So for me it’s all about what you’ve invested in your life. If you have a great body, then that’s great. I will totally look at it. If you offer it to me I will totally get naked with it. But apart from that, I’m not going to sacrifice good manners, being polite and treating someone with dignity and respect just because [you’re not my type/you’re too old/you’re ugly/you’re fat/you’re black/it’s just my preference/etc.] That’s just a load of bullshit, mate. It’s snobbery and it’s cruel and hypocritical and the sooner we accept that the sooner we can at least be realistic about it without trying to make it look pretty.
I am 5 11, and weigh 177. I should be 159… I know as I have been that weight several times, and not only do I feel right at that weight, but I look right in the mirror at 159 too. I can drop weight quickly (I have actually lost 10 pounds in 10 days before). But it’s currently not a priority.
I do not work out, but I have in the past. I just am less inclined to do it. Now, if I had a boyfriend, I would be working out, as I would be more pressed to stay attractive for someone I share my life with.
I do not like someone to be overweight or obese, but they should at least be average weight (or slim). Toned guys are definitely a plus, but I am turned off by muscular guys — as they overdo the toning.
We have an epidemic of obesity in the U.S. (if I am not mistaken, we are the 2nd fattest nation in the world, with Mexico, and Britain being the other two in the top 3). There are slews of health catastrophes that are kicked into fast gear, once a person becomes obese, and their lifespan starts speeding up. We rarely see anyone in their 70s or 80s that is obese.
Even I eat candy bars and other occasional unhealthy food, BUT I balance it with a lot of fiber…. so one can have their cake and eat it too… as long as they eat a good amount of produce, first!
Because you have a nice body doesn’t give doesn’t give you the right to judge people because they’re different A note to the younger guys just remember one day you’re going to get older to
I’m in shape… round is a shape.
We have all seen thoughs profiles where an athletic to guy sats that he is not rude just honest. WTF he is lying his ass off. So you say “Hi” and he comes back with a “I don’t do fat and ugly”. Really you could have just no thx or not interested or not my type. I may be ugly to you but to plenty of other guys they think I’m a sexy mother fucker. You don’t have to call me fat I’m well aware that I’m fat I don’t need you to bring it up. I’m not against fitness but something I have seen more times then not is this guy cooking egg white omlets watching everything he eats running the. Drops dead from a heart attack are 35.
Was from his diet or fitness no. A the venom, hate, and bile he has for the people that don’t live in gym has poisoned his own body. Making him stress out and tension harms you. That why when you truly forgive some who’s has wronged you or decide to truly accept someone you hate you feel a weight lift of your should. That negtive emotion causes a physiological effect and you unconsciously tense up. So everybody relax you live longer.
while i don’t feel that somebody i’m interested in has to be muscular necessarily, i absolutely cannot deal with someone, in terms of romantic involvement, that is overweight. i don’t use this web-site to make friends for movie theater outings and we all have our own path or what we desire, sexually. there’s a difference between who you’d consider getting naked with or who you’d consider casually speaking with and acknowledging in real life. if i’m not physically interested in somebody from this web-site, there’s no reason for us to really communicate. 17 “how r u” back and forths per day are annoying if i don’t even care how their day is going. i don’t know if that makes me unkind or not, but i’ve just been doing this social media thing a long time and maybe i’m jaded.
Honest question for “average Joes” — which type do YOU prefer? Average or fit? Given a choice, all else being equal, which would YOU choose? You’d choose the guy with a hot body. Guess what: hot body has the SAME preference YOU do.
Males evolved to select sex partners based on physical characteristics that indicate fertility. That’s why straight males love big breasts in women: it happens instantaneously and subconsciously, but it signals she can make and feed babies. This evolutionary biology also attracts gays to the physical traits that signal male fertility: athleticism, lack of sickliness, alpha status and cheerfulness, waist to shoulder ratio, physical robustness, symmetry. It has always been so and will always be so.
Want to be more attractive? Appear more fertile. How to do that? Workout and prioritize physical fitness. Whining about it is not going to change 10,000 years of human biological evolution, biology which makes both average joes and gym rats prefer gym rats.
I don’t ask a guy to take off his shirt and show me his abs/chest if he hits on me in person. I fall for personalities not bodies. But there has to be a minimum level of physical attractiveness to even get there. None of my serious boyfriends had a model body like I do. If I like you as a person, just being toned/low bodyfat and athletic enough. Yes, my only other hard “requirement0” is being not too much older or younger than I. I have no interest in dating my uncle/dad. I want to grow old with my partner, not parent or nurse him as years go on. I don’t have race hang-ups, or a laundry list of musts like other dudes, but I think asking for a guy who’s fit, good personality, and within my age range is reasonable.
But online, it’s dog-eat-dog. Online, you’re in competition for a guy’s attention with thousands of other options at every moment. Be real: is the hot body being bombarded with messages going to choose your “average” profile over an equally hot body his own age? His rejection of you isn’t because you’re terrible or he’s terrible, it’s the competition offered something more attractive.
I get hundreds of hellos every time I log on. I don’t have time to respond to each one when I’m looking for sex and there’s no physical attraction, and I don’t expect response from guys who aren’t physically into me. And this “just saying hi” thing is nonsense. Every time I try to be nice and say hi back to these “just say hi” 50-year-old average Joes they want to continue the conversation and then eventually proposition. Which is a waste of everybody’s time when it was never going to happen.
It’s fucked up many gay guys in real life will only associate with a certain type (white, young, muscle guys). I see packs of clones spending 24/7 together and feel sad for them and their narrow, shallow world. My friends offline come in all shapes, ages, colors, and sizes. But if I’m on a4a, I only have time to chat with and respond to guys who are an actual match sexual. If you want to match with muscle dudes, then you need to make an effort to lose fat and build muscle. Because them wanting muscle dudes too is not going to change.
Being Latin, being from a notoriously fat family I am a big guy at 192 lbs 32 waist. It took years to get the body to systematically change and get routined. If someone is trying and you are not supporting them, then you are the problem not them. The gay community is very shallow, drug addicted, and extremely racist, sexist, and the bigotry is amazing. Which is why I find very few people to talk to, hang out with, or even socialize with. The pre-judgments are the worst. Just because I am having a drink with a 60 yr old man don’t assume I am kept! Mostly the older bear guys seem to be quite friendly and yes I know most of the guys I meet want to fuck me, but thats MY choice not theirs. Watch your drinks, accept no drinks you didn’t see poured, and avoid sexual situations where you don’t know everyone involved exclusively.
If a guy walks into a room with his nose in the air looking for something wrong with every one in the room.
Acting superior, He has proven one thing.
He himself has an inferiority complex. Regardless of what his body and face look like.
It is a shame they put them self in a box to only be let down by life in the long run.
Age is not a worry, It is what is inside the man that counts.
Being fit is important to me: I don’t think I need to make excuses for it. I’m not an Adonis, for sure- but I can’t imagine being in a relationship with someone who could care less about their health. Similarly, I’m not really attracted to overweight guys, even if they are salt of the earth. I’m not putting anyone down, it’s just the way it is. I’m not attractive to everyone, so I don’t feel I need to feel guilty about not being attracted to everyone. It’s life.
As proven by a great number of these comments, gay men are – generally – a bunch of shallow, judgmental assholes.
Don’t fucking tell me to “hit the gym” like it’s nothing. Fuck you. I have shit to do and being unrealistically fit is not one of them.
It’s funny how so many guys on here are voicing their support and agreement for their own vapid behavior. Yes, we all have our preferences, but does that give us the right to make others feel unworthy or unwanted because they don’t fit into our own shopping list of desires on the perfect physical mate? Indifference is usually the worst way to treat someone, for those that can’t even be bothered to respond For the guys that say they would be friends with these psychical undesirables, thats a load as well because they treat them with the same contempt at a bar or party as they do online. It’s really to bad that guys that start out with a lot to give end up withdrawn and alone because for whatever reason they don’t fit in to the gay worlds narrow ideal for beauty. Just because someone isn’t exactly what you want doesn’t mean they aren’t exactly what you need.
I happen to be a huge fan of the bear persuasion. I love a large hairy man. I’m a cub myself. I like an imperfect man because they usually are less likely to be superficial.
There is a really good documentary on Netflix called The Adonis Factor, that tackles this topic. I have noticed that we have segregated ourselves into different factions. This site is one of the few that is diversified. Grindr is for twinks, Growlr for bears, etc.
I understand that people prefer different aspects of relationships, but to glorify sex as the epitome of gay culture is just sickening, but that’s what we do, right? Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes I enjoy the random hookup too. However, until we are accepted into the mainstream culture we are resigned to the taboo section and we do what we can to not be judged by the rest of the community. If that means being a “bro” instead of a boyfriend I will be okay with that until society changes. Am I upset when someone doesn’t respond when I say hi, no. Frankly I don’t give a damn if someone on the other side of the keyboard judges me without knowing me. What I do care about is the people who constantly visit my page without saying anything. Frankly that is more creepy than saying something.
Just my 2 cents.
HunterL – nicely written! What classes are you taking at night?
Amen! We need to stop perpetuating this culture of shame. These are the messages that younger guys are picking up on too, and if we let our ego and hate talk for us in profiles or in person, we are doing a disservice for our community.
Honestly if you don’t work out regularly aren’t you creating false expectations on your part by thinking that you would have all that much in common with someone who does? My preference for fit guys is a preference, just that. Its not prejudice any more than a twentysomething not being interested in me on account of my age is being bigoted or hateful. I don’t think that I’m lonely because I spend a lot of time at my gym or yoga studio. If anything, I’ve met a lot of new friends and they’ve been healthier, more meaningful relationships (even if nonsexual) than online hookups. Stop trolling this site and take a gym class, join a running club or take a swimming lesson. You’ll be a happier person for it!
To each his own. It’s much better to mention what we like I’m our profiles upfront rather than having to say no to someone. As a top, I know I have virtually no chance of hooking up with another top; and when your preferred sexual position is mentioned on your profile, it helps me not waste my time talking to someone with whom I have no chance of having sex or dating. I’m stocky and I’m very comfortable with it and I respect someone’s lack of attraction to me, just as I expect people to respect my lack of attraction to men who’re older than 45. So I just don’t message men who mention that they’re not into overweight or fat guys. To each his own. I’d rather not message them than be insulted after messaging them. “Remember ye who enter….etc”. I mention it clearly on my profile that I’m “not sexually attracted to men over 45.” In case somebody older than 45 messages me, I do reply politely and continue to talk to him; if and when he breaches the topic of sex, I mention very politely once again that I’m not attracted to men older than 45 and except a handful of them, all of them have respected my preference. I’m not justifying rudeness on anyone’s part. But I do appreciate the effort people make to avoid rudeness by mentioning their preferences on their profiles. Just because I like a varying range of body size and fitness, doesn’t mean everyone does and I’m absolutely fine with people mentioning it on their profiles.
it’s amazing reading these comments so many excuses so many reasons but when it all comes down to it if you want some guy and when his clothes come off hehe even in the dark these guys only thoughts are going to be ” I wonder whose next “……………. and I don’t think I’m wrong
Wow. This article hit a nerve! Never have seen so many comments! Two issues here, as I see it. One, yes, every guy has preferences about what is attractive. There is not much we can do about that. Two is behavior, or reaction to what someone expresses as a preference. There’s no need to be rude and offensive when you don’t match up to someone who approaches you, whether on Adam, or at a club or wherever. I agree with others who say we ought to be more tolerant and even low key in our responses. Matching up though is nearly an impossible task!
I’m a big guy, my weight has never stood in the way of me accomplishing any of my goals. If your biggest achievement is you’ve got a hot body your kind of missing the point of what it means to be human. Animals pick mates based on physical traits. Healthy adults understand that if you want to spend more than 35 sweaty minutes with someone, it helps if you understand and enjoy one another’s company. So many gay men want the respect of others but live this completely debauched lifestyle they think no one knows about. In generations past, successful marriages were built on common ground and mutual respect not anyone’s body type.
No, “sex and lust” is NOT what gay life is all about. But it IS what this site is all about. So writing on here that you’re looking for someone fit/buff/muscular, etc. is just someone’s physical preference in choosing a sex partner, nothing more. It’s not necessarily reflective of the way they look at people outside of bed.
It doesn’t matter how you speak to people on line or in person they are both one and the same so this I treat folks different on line is a denial. The problem with this generation is that if you don’t have that look you are not worthy of their time. Sad thing those who push this image is in fact UGLY themselves and I don’t mean look wise. I personally will not put up with it no mater how you present it. GROW UP!
“I fuck Bad bitches only I dont want no mediocre hoe i dont want no mediocre hoe”
okay guys, let’s get real here………..be direct with your answers ………these sites are for hook-ups for the most part…………let’s be honest with ourselves…….we all have our own preferences……..let’s not get upset with the other guy who doesn’t prefer to be with us……..I used to be more physically fit than I am now……….we get older, priorities change, etc………..if physically fit is what we prefer over someone who isn’t, then so be it, but don’t get your panties in a wad if the guy you are chatting with or are infatuated with online doesn’t prefer you after he actually sees what you look like……move on…….. life’s too short …..:)
one more thing and I”ll move on………….you can’t have too many friends………chatting on here doesn’t mean you have to hook up with someone…….stay your purpose upfront when chatting and that leaves no room for miscommunication…….most people don’t read the profiles………..the picture gets their attention…….
I have no problems not fitting in someones “mold”.
my only problem is that someone, whom I DIDN’T contact, feels the need to tell me so, and that I need to look else where than here.
to each his own, fine with me. just don’t cut me down for no reason.
okay, I lied……….lol………..one more thing………….guys! please clean your rooms and houses or at least the space your are occupying when you take the pics for your online profiles………the pics of yourself are really good most of the time, but the space around you is terrible! trash, unmade beds, clutter, etc are in abundance around you……..who wants to meet someone that can’t even take care of themselves and can’t keep a clean space? That says volumns about your personal hygiene as well…………YUK!!!!
No one is born fit so I don’t disagree with that personal preference over something like say racial pref.
Having a fit body takes lots of discipline and hardwork so I understand the admiration (being into fitness for 10 years myself).
Having a fit (as in chiseled) body will get you through the door but not much further if that’s all one can offer (irrelevant if sex is the only thing desired).
Regardless of how I look, I’m not necessarily attracted to very fit guys. I just prefer guys who aren’t obese, anorexic, sloppy or sickly and the sort. Just have a great butt (regardless of desired position)!
I feel inclined to address that being fit =/= being shapely. I’m more attracted to the latter.
Fit is such a broad term: having chiseled abs and a rock hard body is not the only form of being fit. I prefer the yoga body: thick, flexible, firm, toned and slightly defined but strong.
I’m also tired of posts like this with the gist of “is this all gay men are interested in?”. It all boils down to the individual: ONE MAN (OR 100( DOESN’T REPRESENT HOMOSEXUALITY ENTIRELY. Online, people are just looking for sex (mostly) and, thus, want something they feel is unattainable in the real world physically.
I think society has had a lot to do with how we think. I mean, there are a lot of stereotypes (both positive and negative) that we as people assume “true” based on another persons appearance. We see an overweight person and immediately think unhealthy or lazy. Conversely, we see a muscular guy and think healthy or strong. But what we fail to realize is that these assumptions are not always true. I mean, What if the overweight person actually works out really hard but cant lose the weight? Is it not possible the overweight guy could be plump but also healthy? Or what if the “healthy” looking muscular guy is totally screwed up in the head? Is a sound body but not a sound mind really “healthy”?
Now I don’t want preach. This is a4a after all and for the most part is really just a place to hook up. When a person hooks up, lasting relations aren’t really formed (although some have lasted tbh). However, I would encourage a person who is looking for friendship, or a possible relationship, to take a step back and TRY to get to know the other individual before making any type of assumptions. The outcome may be surprising.
I avoid people like that because they’re just not worth it. They seem to be corrupted people which makes me see them not as perfect but insecure. Do these people think they’ll always have the same youthful body? Eventually, they’ll be old and saggy. Would they be content, or still insecure? I avoid them because they make me feel irrelevant and lower as a person. In the end, it’s all about what’s on the inside. I certainly wouldn’t get with a guy who has a “fit” body and an awful personality. Unfortunately, I do think that the gay community is mostly narcissistic, shallow, judgmental and prejudice when it comes to appearances and character. I don’t consider myself effeminate, nor masculine, I’m in between, and that isn’t appealing to some guys. But, it’s who I am. Anyways. Just be kind to one another.
I get the opposite result. I try to be nice and chat and just be a decent, however, about 50% of the time if after chatting and seeing a pic I decide he’s not right for me, the guys go off on why’d I waste their time, “oh another guy only into hot guys,” etc. I don’t think there are any rules except believe in yourself. Any other response is about the other person, not to be taken personally except maybe the issues are in their own mirror. That goes for the perceived hotties and the nice guys with chipped shoulders.
This Is Why No One Wants To Pay For ADAM4ADAM. Why Pay To Have Your In Box Flooded With Annoying Emails You Do Not Want? My God! It Is Truly Pathetic How Gay Men Seem To Live In A World Of Denial, Immaturity, Or Plain Out Fantasy, I’m Reading The Comments And As Simple As Its Attempted To Be Said That In The Real World No One Cares About Someone’s Weight, That Online It’s About Sex And There’s No Time For Chit Chat. Why Are You Messaging Someone Online That You Are Not A Match For? He Does Not Want To Talk To You Because He Wants Sex And You Do Not Fit The Bill. Its Like You Guys Are Throwing A Childish Tantrum “My MOMMY SAYS IM SUPPOSSED TO HAVE ANYTHING I WANT NO MATTER WHAT THE PROFILE SAYS. I WANT IT SO I’LL JUST DENY THAT THE PROFILE SAYS JUST THE OPPOSSITE OF WHAT I AM! My MOMMY SAYS SO!” What Is So Difficult To Comprehend Here? And The Comments Attacking Character Because Someone Isn’t Attracted To You Makes It Seem Oh So True When the Moral Majority says “gay men are stuck in a state of perpetual adolescence”. Not A Very Good Way To Prove Them Wrong Guys. Im Just Trying To Understand Brain Activity here, Why Hit On A Profile That Specifically States What Other Types The Person is Interested In for Sex (NOT CHIT CHATTING FREINDSHIPS ONLINE) And Then Get Offended By the Response Or Lack There Of? You Speak Of Disrespect? What About Your Disrespecting That Persons Wishes When You Message Them Despite What Their Profile States? Oh I Forgot Your Mommy Taught You That the World Should Let You Have Anything You Want Despite the Feeling’s Or Wishes Of Anyone Else.
What those who are slaves to their workouts forget is if every gay man did work out, having a muscular body would become the new “average.” I enjoy working out for me. I don’t think working out makes me a cut above or enhances my dating prospects. Yet gay men are notorious for grasping for any slight variation and insisting on defining themselves and their world by it. Besides, have you ever talked to a man who describes himself as a gym “freak”? He is as boring as watching paint dry. If he’s not yammering on about his reps or his diet, he has virtually no social life because of no carbs or no alcohol or having to get to the gym.
I’m not very fond of guys that are like that. Most of them are nothing but worthless, shallow whores that dont deserve a moment’s happiness or anything. I do my best to avoid ripped guys because again, most (I know its a lot but its from experience from what I dealt with) of them are just pathetic sluts. I prefer guys that are real and human,not savage and barbaric.
Reading the responses, it just reinforces the stereotypes, the superficiality, the expectation, that people should know beforehand, what you are “into” and not being able to have a decent conversation with anyone, on a more human, social level, and that most people regardless of orientation, age, race or gender, are shallow, narcissistic and dull. With all this technology at your fingertips, people just can’t seem to communicate well, but are so plainly and obviously fake, devoid of any redeeming qualities, as a person, and are just a bunch of narrow minded statistics. But, I’m not bitter…
Azalean — what the fuck is “the scent of flab”? Are you sure you aren’t confusing that with your bad breath or your unwashed asshole? Give me a fucking break here, people. No wonder I want to smack the shit out of most of the local guys on A4A — it’s that sort of illiterate attitude that kills me.
Oh, what whiny bullshit from the predictably lazy fat crowd (no, it’s NOT a gland issue).
Yeah, i’m an “older” guy, and i go through varying levels of being very fit to being kinda below average.
M rule is asking myself the question “would i fuck me?”
sometime the answer is “probably not.”
Then, i do something about it if i expect to find new guys interested in me.
So fucking tired of fat-assed guys that look like slugs hitting on more in-shape guys because they like their pics.
No hypocrite here, i won’t hit on someone that looks way better than i do; i’m realistic enough to know that most guys that put effort into how they look are searching for the same thing; that’s called being fair.
So why don’t you all just grow the fuck up and accept that this is the way it’s always been, and will continue to be.
People are not obligated to fuck your lard-pocked ass just because you like their fir bodies.
I am older than most of you guys not bad on the eyes (so I am told) I am in pretty damn good shape for 60 however I have no definitive type certainly not to the point of excluding all others. I will usually say hello to any good looking male on line regardless of what he states as his preference most are kind enough to respond perhaps not to hook up but just to chat.
I live in Denver and guys here have become very shallow. Just a few years ago i could hook up daily if that was my goal but not anymore. I am older n i like younger guys but lately its a battle. Im no gym rat but im not over weight at all. Im guilty of being an age hater i suppose. It’sad but true being gay is all about sex n lust, ptetty freakin sad.
Teah
THIS IS TYPICAL
IT TAKES 10 MINUTES 2X A DAY OF ELEVATED HEARTRATE TO RAISE METABOLISM
EXERCISE REDUSES STRESS AND HELPS FEELINGS OF WELL BEING
IT IS NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR A PARTNER EVEN POTENTIAL TO CARE ENUFF TO CARE FOR THEMSELVES
Someone wants to fulfill a fantasy with an anonymous hookup with someone with a chiseled body, and you get your nose out of joint about it?
There is nothing abnormal about this, its just their way of expressing they don’t want friends- for them its just a hookup site and they don’t want to be bothered by someone they think they won’t be interested in.
its not uncommon for young kids <30 to set all kinds of really stringent requirements. i feel sadness for those over 40 with the same… lol.
that being said, some standards are important. I for example probably won't hookup with you if you're more than 30 pounds heavier than me and my height or shorter.. i just know, from experience, thats not going to turn me on but i'm always open to being proved wrong (and it has happened).
being fit, red haired or any number of other things has no bearing on how good at sex they will be, they're irrelevant to it.. they do bear on how turned on the 'user' will be just by that package aka surface shallowness.. and a lot of guys never grow past that. sad but true.
Restrictions confound me. I mean, yeh, everyone has some idea(s) about what they like or dislike. But your chance of growing old, lonely and bitter, grows with each restriction you add to guys you’d “honor with your presence”.
If you enjoy the constant hunt for Mr. Right Now Exactly This Way, pile on the restrictions and enjoy those few one times you get. If you enjoy relationships with (for both of your heads) with a variety of guys, lay off the restrictions and get to know the how guy not just his sexual ability.
Here we go with this topic again. From a guy (me) who had a page on ad4ad for several years and had the strength to close it, I’m not surprised by some of the “gym rats” stating “..go to the gym and stop whining” mentality. Has it occur to you and the rest that some of us have F/T jobs and a life to not be wasted on 5 or 6 hours seven days a week at a smelly gym to look like a light-bulb with twig legs because you missed leg day or look roided up to look like a bodybuilder when you don’t compete. Furthermore, how the hell are you in a relationship when you spent 70% of your life trying to look like the wrestler “The ROCK” and 20% working 40+ hours a day and the rest with the significant other…but I’m not relationship guru. I understand if you go to the gym to lose weight and be healthy FOR YOURSELF! Not to appease others to be accepted. Also, use your brain for 1 second, has it occurred to any of the muscular men on here that if someone message you, they’re actually HMMM asking for help? Maybe what they are doing at the gym isn’t working and you might can help give them pointers??? Has the light bulb clicked on in your head or has meat in your head clouded your judgement. Not every guy message you wants to sleep you, get over yourself…being conceited makes its own reward. Instead of looking down on them, try actually being an individual.
I also seen men lately who were thick (which is the correct term and not FAT) who lost the weight and has the audacity to have his nose in the air and look down on guys who are not, I guess fit. Not everyone whose 6’6 200 pounds is “fat.” Not every guy 5’8 180 pounds is fat. So don’t give me that “they’re not a match” BS. You basically see the number “200” you assumed and jump to conclusion about the guy you don’t know being thick, which is not the case. I still want to know how a guy whose 5’7 110 pounds is consider healthy, but apparently, that’s what they want.
For the ones claiming a guy whose about healthy living with a nice body is not going to want someone whose not fit or a couch potato, please shut up and read a book. In a relationship, you’re with that person because you loved them not just for the sex…evern though it makes partof the relationship. Open their horizons, show them new things. Maybe they tried the healthy life and it didn’t work. Who knows, if you help them out, it may work and might enjoy doing it with the person they love…then you get all sweaty and bang like bunnies…(LOL). I heard a lot of stories by guys with nice body where they were with the guy, also with a nice body, cheats on them with numerous dudes. While the guy is venting, his ex out there banging everyone and everything. It also furthers your notion that you rushed the relationship because of how they looked not their persona.
And finally, for the ones who actually are open-minded, who likes to expand their horizons who acknowledge their butt do stink, you’re NOT misinterpreting or misunderstanding the blogger’s intent at all. The ones who speaks very vaguely and freely about having a sexual match for healthy, nice body men, who has selective comprehension, are the ones who are not understanding what he says. The blogger was stating the obvious, READY?
RESPECT!!!!!
…and everyone, even in this society doesn’t have it for one another especially towards race, but that’s a whole other topic and don’t want to get into it. Don’t ask for respect then don’t give it back. Respect is not giving someone a silent treatment because you’re not match. Respect is not looking down or shunning someone because they don’t look like you in the mirror. Respect is not calling someone “Fat” because you’re insecure about yourself. Respect is not belittling someone whose trying to lose weight in a slow pace. And you wonder why other countries, don’t like us because you don’t bring a nice, pleasant atmosphere. I’m not here to bash or be negative at all, but its just a pet peeve of mine when you have someone judging you by how you look. Self-hatred is not cool people especially in a gay community where you promote “One for all and all for one” when disrespected. It should be for anything subject period Personality takes you far and a great impression on yourself gets you place. Being an A..hole gives you a busted lip. Being a jerk insults your intelligence. Being stuck-up destroys your self-being.
@Josh – November 9, 2014 at 13:19
“Don’t fucking tell me to “hit the gym” like it’s nothing. Fuck you. I have shit to do and being unrealistically fit is not one of them.”
More whining. The President finds time to work out; you’re not more busy than him. Everybody is busy, Guys who refuse to workout love to think themselves a special case in terms of their schedules. The busiest guy I know (young attorney trying to build his firm, 70-80 hour workweeks, married, sick parents) just had a kid with his wife and became even more busy. He’s getting up at 4am four days a week to get his workouts in. Because it’s a priority for him. People make time for what’s important to them, period. If someone told you, “Find time to hit the gym for 90 minutes every day for the next twenty days, and I’ll give you a million dollars” I bet you’d magically find time. If having muscles and gym body is not your priority, that’s great. But to try to whine and play the victim because all those busy dudes who carve time out for the gym want to date other muscle guys and not you? Grow the fuck up.
@P.A. – November 9, 2014 at 13:25
“…does that give us the right to make others feel unworthy or unwanted because they don’t fit into our own shopping list of desires on the perfect physical mate…”
No one can *make* a self-actualized adult feel unworthy. Self-worth comes from within. Until you can feel worthy regardless of the validation or lack thereof from others, you’ll never be attractive or have healthy relationships even when you are. That’s why so many “hot” guys die alone. I was an ugly duckling who got hot in my late 20s, partly by committing myself to the gym. I quickly learned that was only part of it; I still wasn’t getting what I wanted. Because the problem was me and my lack of self-love which I fixed with therapy, listening to honest critiques from my friends, and lots of self-examination reflection. Rejection hurts temporarily, but I know my worth. That’s also why I don’t *have* to date all muscle, all the time. I don’t need to be validated by dating a clone.
If strangers online not responding to a “hi” makes you feel unworthy, you have problems no gym membership and no amount of sexual acceptance can fix.
Also, I forgot to mention, I get what the blogger was saying (RELATIONSHIP and SEX WISE)…but he was not saying you have to be rude and nasty to one another. Also, I’m not looking for a relationship so you can cancel your assumptions. I just read some guy says you have to look good to get ahead in life (LOOKS AT THE CAMERA) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I guess stupidity is it own reward. What’s even shocking, the older generation are acting…sorry not acting, ARE being stuck up. Would thought you have more self-respect for yourself and others, but sadly you’re acting like a child, especially the 40 year olds. I get ad4ad is a sex site, but where does it tell you to be an ass? And I also think the person that owns the ad4ad site is just like the assholes out there. I got a message from some guy who was disrespectful to me. All he got was a slap on the wrist. But when I curse some disrespectful dude out with my vocabulary, without cursing or insults, I get a rather rude message by the owners and not only that I was barred from my page for a few days after apologizing which was BS.
Firstly, I feel like I need to address a major issue for me upon reading this blog posting. It wasn’t all the discriminatory attitudes, or blunt comments, but the grammar… If you can’t spell correctly, I don’t think that you have the right to express your opinion of others because it just makes you look ignorant.
No amount of muscle or personality can make up for a lack intellect. Using abbreviated, misspelled words to express your opinion, especially when it’s a petty one, doesn’t make anyone look good.
I may be a chubby guy, but that isn’t what makes me unhealthy. What makes me unhealthy are my bad habits, like smoking and forgetting to drink fluids, or binge watching tv till 5am. It honestly really offends me that so many people relate being healthy to being underweight or having over defined muscles.
Your five day a week plus workouts really aren’t that much healthier for you than a hamburger a day diet. You over stress your body by forcing it to over work and then pump up with protein blends that are chalk full of hormones and preservatives. That’s real healthy.
Actually, it’s likely to give you enlarged mammaries and shrink your dick as the years progress.
Also, not everyone can go to the gym. Like in my case, having hyper-flexible/hyper-mobile joints, something that is a hereditary mutation and not a side effect of being overweight, going to the gym in counter productive. I might be able to lift that weight, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for me, nor is something like p90X. I won’t lose the weight because I spend three times as long in recovery from pushing myself into doing something my body isn’t fit to do, as I would if I just rode my bike around town.
I do care about my health. That’s why I work to lose the weight naturally, not by fad diets and excessive exercise.
Being healthy is all about lifestyle, not fitness.
If you work out every other day of the week, to every day of the week you’re not really healthy, you’re just making it appear like you are.
I feel like what all these men who argue that they aren’t being shallow to snubbing off other guys for not having the gym bod fail to understand is that if you assume that I’m unhealthy because I don’t look like you really are being shallow.
Maybe he’s like me and trying his damn best to lose the weight, maybe he has a gland disorder that prevents the weight loss, maybe a physical mutation that makes be mobile more difficult than other people?
You have the right to like who and what you like, but you also have a responsibility to keep up the human decency of this world. People come from all walks of life; remember that. When you’re rude or hurtful to someone because of how they look, how does that make you any different than those that already discriminate us as gay men?
Consider this pretty boy, Adonis… When you treat me like shit for not being like you lose my respect for you in the community and you lose my support. If somebody jumps you or is hateful to you for being gay I’m going to feel less inclined to come to your defense because you’ve put a bad light on our community, internally. I can’t support and respect you as a gay man if you can’t do the same; we’re all people.
So, when you’re hateful to me for being fat, I’m not going to come to your defense because other people are hateful to you for being gay.
Fat folks unite!
We’re here, we like beer (and cheesecake); deal with it.
At the end of the day, the ones who are so damn picky, are the ones with self hatred towards themselves. I’m a husky guy…NOT FAT get it correct. Some mistake words like husky and beefy as fat which is not. We’re toned unlike the so called gym dudes. Also, for the jerks who claims we’re whining, how about you do this:
We will stop WHINING when you picky, meat-heads stop bitching about how you can’t find a guy whose worth your time and complaining about how every guy is the same where they just like you for the 39457394 hrs you spend at the gym or just want sex from you.
@Sean — mad props to you. A voice of reason and respect. That’s the kind of attitude I wish more guys would have.
@Hung9athlete — I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I really couldn’t deal with seeing your arrogant ass every fucking day. Did you miss the comments from guys who legitimately DO exercise but will never have the body type to get ripped? And whoop-de-fucking-do with your Eleanor Roosevelt speech of self-actualization. You forgot to address the part where the Pavlovian re-emphasis of negativity by “hot guys” toward someone who is struggling to remind themselves about not feeling unworthy. If that guy tries to make contact with 10 “hot guys” and all 10 have responses that are negative/cruel/nasty/unfriendly, what the FUCK do you think the guy is going to feel? Yeah, take your Jinkx Monsoon “water off a duck’s back” shit and join the rest of us in the real world sometime. You might be surprised.
for the record: my body is nowhere near even being “athletic.”
and my face.. ..could be considered ‘average.’
that said: you guys need to be honest.
who on here “just says `hi´” at random?
much less, says “hi” to those individuals who, themselves, have posted no substantive picture; nor, failing any decent picture, had provided Stats/profile text that appear to make the author sound attractive?
no, this is not Christian Mingle.
nor, is this “Lookin’ For Friends-dot-net.”
i don’t buy, that the vast majority of the ‘so friendly’ would be “friendly” if their dick/libido didn’t have some form of vested interest in the outcome of the dialogue.
i, myself, don’t have that kind of free time.
i kind of need people to get to the point, actually.
if you want to idly chat, then you need to explain, within your first message, why you want to platonically-chat with me.
don’t make me guess.
if you want to fuck, then come out and say that.
and if i tell you “no (thank you),” then you need to stop right there.
an “i thank you for your time,” or similar such, is optional.
but, guys don’t do that.
they make it obvious, their primary motive in chatting me is Sex.
(such as, when i swap out one set of pictures for another set of pictures, and all of a sudden people become interested in me. . . . .)
then they don’t offer anything else of value, in the stead of Sex, after their solicitation is declined.
so, no: i have found it easier, to just be silent, when i get the feeling that my suitor would not move on after i say “no.”
i … kind of appreciate it when a suitor allows me the option of a “clean break,” by saying right off the bat to me hey if you’re not interested just let me know right now and i’ll not bother you anymore, but.. ..damn you’re [sexy]!
i just wanted to tell you that.‘
to those guys, who know “`no´ means `no´,” i very easily offer that courtesy of a polite ‘no, but i do thank you for your interest.’
but not all guys are like that.
a lot of guys who hit me up, tend to have both inadequate profiles and no pics/bad pics.
and reek of Thirst.
like i want to give the time of day to a dude who doesn’t even take his presentation seriously.
making me have to ask whom you are and what you’re about.
and presenting no pictures, or blurry pictures, or headless pictures.
or blurry headless pictures that have now achieved a 10-year anniversary.
i understand that the “not-heterosexual gene” does not discriminate on whom it shows up in.. ..but i am not obligated to accept every person who says they want me.
and even the rejectees are rejectors, sometimes.
i find it hard to believe that there are people who take on all-cummers. and if there are.. ..those people need to be screened. for both sexual and mental disease.
Bodies fade with time. Even the most devoted regimen will succumb to the ravages of age eventually. To me, it’s all about face. I don’t care about your waistline, your face is the first thing I see waking up next to you, the last thing I see before I sleep and the part of you I make out with. Handsome face bad body wins every time over hot body ugly face. Sorry, give me a belly and back hair so long as you have jawline and cheekbones. Keep your hard pecs and ripped abs if it means a unibrow or non-existant chin.
So much butthurt in here from guys who can’t get attention from guys who are hotter than they are. Yes, because “picky meat-heads” are the ones writing articles to the a4a blog crying about how lonely are, haha, keep telling yourselves that.
What I don’t get is this: if these hot pretty boy Adonis guys are so terrible (picky, spend too much time in the gym, assholes, jerks, full of hormones and preservatives) then why are all these whiny, angry, upset average Joes upset about not having our attention? Why would you want to have sex with/get to know such horrible people? Average Joes and husky guys should just message and date each other, right?
Hahahaha. I love that the whining truth struck a nerve. So many excuses (legit gland issues are the exception not the rule, and I don’t buy, so many tirades, all to obscure one simple fact: average-looking Joes who don’t workout are just butthurt and angry because muscle guys want to date they same guys they want to date: muscle guys. But instead of taking responsibility for your own self-improvement, by all means, continue to think pick, meat-head, Adonis’s are feeling horrible while they’re having amazing porn star sex with each other and not you. Because that’s going to solve your problem of not getting attention from the guys you want.
People either take control of their own lives and destiny, or they bitch, moan, complain, cry, whine and blame others for their lack of fulfillment. People who do the former are happy and self-validating. And your inability to handle rejection is never, ever going to be a problem for them and no amount of insults or name-calling is going to change that (or make them spend less time in the gym). Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Saying hello should not be streasful. I have been extremely fit, but found out that I had cacer steroids blew me up, but I am coming down fast. The funny thing is that I am not overweight and I have been told by men and women, but I am coming down for me. I don’t feel bad when I hit someone up whom I feel like I meet their requirements…they usually say to me you are to masculine, but very attractive not my type or if they see me out at a function they change their minds. Don’t take it personal guys I like all types,ages,and colors. Hell I would be happy to meet a non smoker in DC that works and he can be an average joe. Don’t take it personal guys!
This message is for: @hung9athlete November 11, 2014 at 03:22
Here we go again with another bum bird talking slick thru the Internet. Are you done hearing yourself talk, sir? I’ll wait……………oh you need more time ok……………………………Still talking ok I’ll wait…………………oh you finally done? OK…OK your above rant or whatever you want it to be called I guess we can say you’re some 40-50 or whatever age you are man at home jerking off to porn or pictures. HAHA Pathetic much? 🙂
Now, I’m not even going to talk about the “picky, spend too much time in the gym, assholes, jerks, full of hormones and preservatives,” let’s talk about YOU. You really think you’re that high and mighty to lecture people? Let me guess you’re an Atheist right? If us “fat” guy are so disgusting and whiny and sad, why are you putting all your attention on us? Why are you wasting your rant on horrible fat guys? Muscular boys and gym rats should just shut up and get a mirror because that’s the only person you would like to see, am I correct because I getting tired of hearing you bitch, cry, and want to inflict pain on yourself because you can’t find your ideal man.
HAHA…I love that the bitchy truth got under your skin. I’m surprise you got the balls to think you’re god’s gift to the world to be telling people what to do with their lives. Unless God comes down and tell us you are, have a seat penis pumper. Is it because you don’t have anything interesting in your life so you have to post 4 or 5 times ranting about the same thing? How your arms and legs are feeling…are they still hurting with you trying to lift so much to impress the guys at the gym so you can have fun in the showers? Yea, I know what you men do in those steam rooms and locker rooms and showers. I work at a gym. Unfortunately the janitors have to clean up after you which is nasty. And before you come out your mouth, I work out too. How that jock itch feel, bro? You got those anal bumps checked out? Yea, we feel so bad we can’t look like a swollen knee cap or a dried up sponges like you 🙂 Wow! How life is so unfair 🙁 You can go to the gym to be toned FOR YOURSELF. Not everyone wants to look like a walking parenthesis. And OMG I wish I was a porn star too so I can pop Viagra to have soooooo much sex with Testosterone random dicks that put their dicks in holes that feel good and possibly get a disease. But wait a second, are you a porn star??? NO? Ok so that statement is irrelevant unless you were trying out, but couldn’t keep it up longer Mr. 5 minute man:) Yes, I get all the attention in the world and yet I’m on here ranting and bitchin about things that are immaterial. What a great life you have *Thumbs Up*
Ok, ok, it’s time to get serious now. I ran out of sarcastic, witty remarks. Let’s be 110% real for a second; You are right we do like muscular men…for that 5 or 10 minutes. After that, we’re finding someone real and genuine. Not fake and lame. You are 100% right about controlling your own life as well, but practice what you preach, sir. I don’t think you are controlling your life because for one, you’re on here bitchin about what is being said about guys who go to the gym to swell up and look down on EVERYONE not just thick people, moaning because you have nothing else to do, complaining about the fact that you feel obligated to tell someone their medical history is BS (Are you a Dr?), crying because you’re old, and blaming others because you have no life except GET UP, SHOWER, WORK, GYM, ADAM4ADAM, JERK OFF (When you can’t find a victim to sleep with), and GO TO SLEEP to do all over again the next day. I wasn’t put on this earth for anyone to like me or love me. As long as my close friends, family, and God loves me, F..k you and what you saying PERIOD. I don’t owe you anything at all nor does the world. Obliviously, you just want to hear yourself talk because NOT one person on here is whining about anything. What they are saying Hercules, is that RESPECT GOES A LONG WAY. You wouldn’t know that because you don’t have respect for yourself. If you have to mention to the world you’re 9 inches (subtract 4 from that) and athletic, you’re THIRSTY & DESPERATE. Not to mention you’re a “One Trick Pony.” If your body and penis size is all you have to offer because your personality and the impression you made is terrible, then no wonder you’re single on here ranting. Don’t get upset with the world because you’re lonely and miserable. And the words of Alyssa Bonagura:
“…And if you think you can break me, Baby you’re crazy. I make my own Sunshine.”
Oh and what I have is confident, not cockiness it’s a difference. If no one likes me, they’re one less person and one less headache. Men are like paper, after I write my ideas and thoughts and I don’t like it, I throw the paper in the garbage and get another one. Also, insults and name calling, weren’t you doing that two comments ago? Again practice what you preach. We can handle rejection VERY, VERY well. It’s how you reject us. We’re all adults here. There are no kids here. If you so damn great and almighty, put your profile name on here then…unless it’s full of fake pictures of a model or a porn star. Because AD4AD is known for people stealing pictures. I can put my profile name on here, but all I will receive are “Butt Hurt“ gym rats men complaining about what I stated on this blog. DO I really want to hear you talking slick then block me, hmmm I don’t know I might entertain it. As “Austin November 10, 2014 at 20:33” said, we will stop whining, when you stop bitching and crying because you can’t find anyone in your standards. Until then, shut up, go on with your life, and have a nice day. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to CONTROL this conversation by ending it and go back to my LIFE to continue pursuing my DESTINY. That is the ONLY thing I will take from you because that’s the only thing I agree with you on. Oh and another thing I already know what you’re going to type:
“BLAH BLAH BLAH you’re fat and ugly….BLAH BLAH BLAH I’m better than you…BLAH BLAH BLAH you’re nothing and….BLAH BLAH BLAH you’re sad….BLAH BLAH BLAH.”
See I saved you 15 minutes by switching to “I DON’T GIVE TWO CRAPS ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE SAYING.”
@Sean
Oh dear. I love the obliviousness of someone who uses the length of another’s responses to claim that other has no life, then proceeds to write the longest, angriest, most bizarre response in the history blogging… before complimenting *himself* as “witty” (who does that, haha?). What a pompous windbag. As usual with guys who don’t get attention from hot dudes, it’s not physical attractiveness that’s the real problem, but major personality flaws. For example, total lack of self-awareness and social skills, inability to take responsibility for their lives, serial excuse-making, anger management issues, poor self-image, delusions of grandeur (“witty” pffthahahahaha), etc.
Please tell us more about how average guys are sooooooo uninterested in hot guys that you have to write a 3,000+ word screed about how uninterested you are. Yes, this is such a non-issue for quote/unquote “ugly” guys that they leave hundreds of comments on blogs complaining about how they can’t get attention from quote/unquote “meathead Adonises.” They do this not because they want muscle guys – as, er, logic and common sense would dictate — but actually because they’re *NOT* interested. Riiiiight.
This is what passes for logic in Sean’s Long-Winded World of Wit. I mean, people often write responses as long as a Tolstoy novel about things and people they “don’t give two craps about.” Mmm hmm.
Clearly, the truth of what I wrote hit you a little too close to home, which is why it drove you to scream through the computer monitor like a ranting, raving I WRITE IN ALL CAPS TO MAKE MY POINTS BECAUSE I CARE SO LITTLE lunatic. You have major self-esteem and insecurity issues, which are the real cause of the rejection you face in life, which in turn feeds your anger and insecurity in an endless feedback loop. Until you stop blaming your ugliness (which comes from within) on “hot” guys and learn to validate yourself on your own merits rather making up narratives about “hot” guys to avoid your pain, this sad cycle will continue.
The fact that my critique of the inability of whiners to take control of their lives translated in your mind to “you’re nothing, you’re fat, you’re ugly, I’m better” is evidence of deep self-hatred. It actually made me feel very sorry for you, because your demons are quite serious. For that reason alone, I regret being flip earlier. But that doesn’t change the trueness of my main point: guys who have the capacity to validate themselves – which is the hallmark of a healthy personality — don’t need to bitch and whine about guys not saying “hi” to them online because they know it’s not about their self-worth. But you actually have to have self-worth to see that.
Keep on thinking all those hot muscle guys who aren’t wasting a single errant thought on you are living unfulfilled, unhappy lives. Whatever fantasy scenario you have to make up to get you through the day, by all means go ahead. It doesn’t matter to us what you or anyone thinks about us, we’re going to keep going to the gym and keep choosing to associate with people of our choosing, and we don’t give a fuck whether you approve of it or not. We’re in charge of our own happiness: unlike you, whether or not you (or anyone) say hi back online has zero bearing on that. It’s time for many guys here to grow up and learn to process rejection, which starts with work on the inner self. Anyone whose self-worth is so dependent on validation from strangers online that they have to write into a blog about it is doomed no matter what they look like.
@ HUNG9ATHLETE
SMH…Obviously, you really have some hard copy issues upon yourself. You absolutely turned every word that I detailed, understood, or use in a 180 degree. So, I guess you didn’t read it. You only picked the words you either didn’t cognize or you didn’t like it and used it for your selfish need. Did the overweening, little baby have a temper tantrum? I’m not or will not even respond to the buffoonery that you displayed on yourself. Everything you’re doing speaks for itself. I read one or two lines and I already knew what you were going to say. Last I checked, I am accomplished scholar myself. I don’t need to use big words to get my opinions across. I don’t need to sound superior either or write a whole “I am man…hear me roar” speech either. I guess you have the justification on existence giving us a half-ass Socrates philosophical point of view on life that you have to share it with the world. As I stated, I said what need to said. If you don’t like it, who cares that’s a personal problem. You want to live in that seamless little effervesces of yours then go ahead just leave me out of it. Don’t get your panties in a bunch because you’re a distasteful, callow, marred person who sucks and nose-dived at life by trying to decry someone thru the internet, cutting them down to size, and using big word by calling them gloomy and doleful. If the only thing you can bring to the table are low jabs and name-calling, then you pretty much been lost the battle. There was no attitude or anger at all towards this blog. All I stated in one sentence, because I know it hard to grasp the unpretentious terms, that RESPECT goes a long way. You don’t owe us anything and we don’t owe you anything. THAT’S IT. Everything you typed fell into deaf ears to me. It’s like talking to a cat. Anyways, I’m not wasting my time or energy on an insignificant idiot who doesn’t know how to talk like an established, canny male. So, I will leave you be talking to yourself because I have other matters to continue.
Sean, to be quite blunt… you sound like a bitter idiot:
“Has it occur to you and the rest that some of us have F/T jobs and a life to not be wasted on 5 or 6 hours seven days a week at a smelly gym to look like a light-bulb with twig legs because you missed leg day or look roided up to look like a bodybuilder when you don’t compete.”
What a judgmental asshole you sound like. Everyone that goes to a gym to keep themselves in shape is unemployed, wasting at least 5-6 per day doing it, in filthy germ-soaked gyms, using steroids, and not competing?
Oh, and probably a prostitute.
You’re a fucking mess with serious emotional issues. Put down the keyboard and go back to your lonely job since its only fat guys that work, apparently.
Fucking loser retard.
I’ve been on both sides of this argument. I used to be heavy(er) and drove by the gym at least five times a week. I got the rude comments and the snubs, and after the initial WTF moment, I got over it and was glad that the guy’s superficiality and lack of experience was laid out before we got past ‘hi!’
But instead of driving by the gym now, I go inside. I lift heavy, and it’s starting to show. A lot. I don’t mind taking off my shirt now, and I kinda like giving a little flex now and then when I know someone’s watching. But here’s the thing: I haven’t changed my profile pics, and I don’t think I will. If a guy is going to judge me based on my muscles, I’m not interested. For the guys who are interested in ME, then they get a pleasant surprise when we get to know each other. I will say that the vast majority of muscleheads I’ve approached on line for advice have been complete dickwads. But not all, in fact more than a few have been encouraging, supportive, and downright helpful with hints and tips. I’ve also found in this little experiment that being ‘fit’ can alienate other guys. I like bears, always have, always will, and a couple have told me that they didn’t think I’d be interested in them because of the way I looked.
So listen up muscle guys and gym bunnies, you’re missing out on great sex with great guys if you think that how much you can bench is a metric for fun.
And guys like me that thought lifting was raising the remote to the horizontal, it doesn’t take more than 45 minutes in a gym to make a world of difference, so don’t be hating on us that do like to smile when we look in the mirror. Now go hate on me cuz I’m over 30, I can’t do a damned thing about that.