Gay Stuff : Welcome To My Profile…
Personal ads have been around since the dawn of the newspaper. From GWM in lonelyhearts print to Craigslist and every dating site imaginable, the personal ad has been through a great evolution. But have we reached such a point that it’s stopped being a personal ad? Has an advertisement for you become a list of demands?
The most traditional definition of a “Personal Advertisement” is pretty simple, “a short advertisement about yourself that you put in a newspaper or magazine in order to meet a romantic partner”
The keywords in there should be, “About yourself”, but today, as the times have changed and a generation of entitlement has set in, we’ve strayed into making it about what we’re searching for, not why they should pick us.
The whole point of advertising is to sell a product. If Mad Men has taught us anything, it’s that style and sexy can be made to fit ANYTHING. With the right use of words, photographs and statistics, it’s all about branding and showmanship. But the root of it all is self confidence and self worth.
Now when we log on to our favorite guilty pleasure site you see a lot of the same things, “No blacks, fats or old”, “Don’t msg me if you’re over 45” “big dicks only”, I could go on forever with the cliche lines we’ve all seen in profiles. Of course this doesn’t just transfer to sex sites, dating sites as well “I don’t know what to write here” “ask me and find out” and answer like that are just as detrimental to being contacted as demands.
“New Coke flavor! But we’ll tell you later what it taste like, just buy the case”, don’t know about you but I’m not gonna buy mystery soda, even if the picture is pretty.
So what should go into a profile? I mean “BloggerBear get serious, I just wanna get my dick sucked”, “Um no thanks I wanna find love, not a hook up”, truthfully the formula to follow isn’t so different for either, or both.
When writing a profile, grammar is key to a successful “sale”. It’s not too different than english class, adjectives are pivotal to making yourself appealing and selling your best features.
Example: 26 6’1 275 verse looking for tall, hung, hot, skinny young guy. Be uncut and ready, no olds or fats. Be clean dnd free here.
That’s about the smallest typical sex profile you see and is pretty to the point. But when your stats aren’t your selling point, what’s a guy to do?
Tall, blonde and solid 26 year old here. I’m 6’1 and have the bear build to feed those desires of being in a big tight bear hug. Looking for a young admirer to come and share a hot night with, total verse here and very attentive and orally talented. Uncut a major plus. I’m clean and healthy, safe play only. While I CAN be in the mood for older men and other cub and bears sometimes, I have a specific appetite tonight, happy hunting.
With just a few keywords and setting a tone, it changes the entire outlook, feel and personality.
But that’s all fine and good for sex, you can write your name on a bathroom wall and find sex, I wanna find love, why won’t my profile work?
Just like sex profiles, don’t just talk about him and your demands. This is your ADVERTISEMENT. This is you selling yourself, don’t sell a dream you have, sell YOU!
If you’re not standing in the best light, set up your own light. You’re not just a cashier at Macy’s, you’re a Customer Service specialist and personal shopper. You’re not just a “masc” dude looking for a bro to hang with, you’re a sport enthusiast looking for someone likeminded to grab a beer and a game with. You’re not a show queen, you’re a patron of the arts.
Your job in a profile is not to play the game social norms has set for us, but to make yourself a new league. Once you become a master of words and selling yourself with paragraphs you have to move onto phase two, packaging.
Packaging is what makes people pick up the box to read it in the first place. Your profile picture is your box. Is that out of focus year old face shot gonna sell you to millions? Is that ass shot gonna sell you as a top? Is that picture of your biceps gonna turn heads?
Your profile picture should be changed every 3 months at the latest, preferably about a week after your latest haircut. In fact that’s a good measure of time, every haircut you should take a nice couple of shots of yourself. Just like advertising each seasonal quarter has a new ad campaign, tank tops and beach shots in the summer, cute scarf pics in the winter, playing in the park for the spring and so on. Polar Bears and Santa in the winter, beach and roller coasters in the summer, have a coke and enjoy the season, have these ad campaigns remind you to change your picture.
Nothing can kill a well written profile like a stagnant picture you never change. And let’s be honest, your friendly neighborhood stalkers know how old that picture is.
A profile picture should be a lead in to the profile, a cute smile, a good outfit and a nice background will make people notice you more than the instagram filter of your scowl. If you’re on the “DL” and can’t post a face pic or are just looking for sex then by all means, pander to that. Show your 8 incher, that’ll make people open you regardless of much else. But again be conscious of the picture, have good lighting, make sure it’s trimmed and clean and that you don’t have any razor burn. Or still have some dignity and fun and make em work for it and show a big underwear bulge, or if you’re a bottom a pair of backless undies at a distance is more intriguing than that out of focus shot of your open hole. Sell your sex with style and taste, that will attract what you’re looking for.
When it all boils down to it, the effort and goals you put into your profiles are the ones that will come back to you.
If you just rush it and set it up because “no one will care what I look like or have to say” then thats why, because you believe it. If you work it and know you’re sexy, fun and single and have good quality fun pictures and a decent group of words talking about how awesome you are.
We’ve all heard, “you get back what you put in”, and with sex, love and selling yourself that’s really the case.
Your self esteem and self worth is the difference between being small leagues and a Fortune 500 company. You control your own advertising budget and stock market, isn’t it time that you stopped focusing on your demographic and just started rebuilding yourself?
Besides, when a new and improved you is on the market, you’ll find new demographics you never thought possible before. While “old guys are gross” that DILF is kinda hot and checking you out now that you’re not so judgemental of age. Now that you don’t get so hung up on your hook ups weight, you may find that a cub can be more fun than a twink anyday.
So if you’re finding yourself with an empty inbox , on a site, listing or app, then maybe you need some rebranding. Your list of demands is deterring, opening a semi cute guy’s profile and just seeing a list of stuff he wants isn’t attractive; A confident and fun personality is.
So remember it’s not “here are my demands” it’s “here’s why I’ll be the best you’ve ever had”
Till next time,
BloggerBear
Hearty amen! In a non religious manner. As in you said a mouthful
Best-written blog I’ve ever read here. Great advise as well.
Nice post. Better to read something than nothing.
I love seeing the same pics and the bitching text on profiles
Good tips. Go change your profile. “)
might be able to be more descriptive if we weren’t limited in the amount of words.
“But the root of it all is self confidence and self worth.”
What if you don’t have that? I’m a guy who’s never been in a relationship. I don’t know how. I don’t understand people or how and why they do the things they do.
I’m ugly and I’m fat. And now I’m “old”. I’m 40. I’m not rich but the only guys that will do anything with me expect me to pay for it.
To quote Peanut, “If you polish a turd, it’s still a turd.”
Ps. “Verse” is a line in a song or poem. “Vers” is an elide of “Versitile”.
Thanks for posting, great article, agree with every word!
Umm, why can’t someone on the DL post a private face pic?
Pay attention to screen names & posted pics. Numerous times someone will chat for hours ad nauseam and then ask my status or race which has been posted & pictured. I wonder about some of the guys on these sites!
I admit I must agree with what was written, especially after what happened to me Saturday night. I have had the same profile pic for as long as I can remember. It was taken in the back yard of my house and it was summer. I have been chatting with this individual for over 2 years. we meet up saturday night and he had he balls to tell me I was FAT. I was Horrified and then heavily self medicated…I have never been MORBIDLY OBESE in my life… Then I read my profile, and I have gained 25 pounds… so I guess I supersized myself before he got here. I aggree, change pics and profile every 3 months… so you do not go into a clinical depression like me.
Tom
I’ve learned that reveling a little about yourself adds to the allure. I don’t approach many people because these days we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to let anyone in. Its great for protection but not for allowing ourselves to be free. We can’t experience joy without pain. That’s why your thoughts on the ad makes way too much sense.
*ahem* Given one of the recent blog posts about the whole “d/d free, ub2” thing, it is rather ironic to see an example in this blog post which includes the phrase, “I’m clean.”
So, how about…
“Tall, blonde and solid 26 year old here. I’m 6’1 and have the bear build to feed those desires of being in a big tight bear hug. Looking for a young admirer to come and share a hot night with, total verse here and very attentive and orally talented. Uncut a major plus. I’m healthy and play safe. While I CAN be in the mood for older men and other cub and bears sometimes, I have a specific appetite tonight, happy hunting.”
Otherwise, thanks for posting and thanks again giving us something new to think about!!
You have said things that I need to due. Everything that I wanted to say for a long time you have done so very correct and to the point, you found the words that are right and mean something. Every one changes every day etc and an example of that is clean shaven and etc and in reality is that the case. No its not. You opened my eyes up about profiles and my needs to be changed. Thank You for that
djd1962
I agree with your general point and its been my operating principle for years, but boy, did you lose me with the gratuitous “generation of entitlement.” While wasting space with a description of what you want is common, stating what you like doesn’t make for “entitlement.” If whining about not getting what you want were common, that would be entitlement.
I also don’t see any of this behavior as particularly correlated with age, but if you want to go OKCupid on your data and find out if there is such a correlation along generational lines, I would happily read your report.
This should be required reading BEFORE anyone is allowed to join and or to post a profile on the site. It should be agreed to and signed just like when say we are 18 or above and willing to follow the rules. Why someone would expect to have their insecurities fed and why some guys here think that their shamed based actions are not damaging to others and or don’t care if they are should not be allowed by this OR ANY site. BRAVO!! KUDOS!! TWO THUMBS UP!! for this post! Thank you Blogger Bear!
Ben, a lot of what you said makes sense. We have some things in common. I would love to chat with you. imeanforreal. Hope to hear from you.
Ben,
I’m truly sad to hear that your local community has allowed you to fall into this mindset. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give you this advice.
Snap the hell out of it!
Only you keep your self the unobtainable “Ugly and fat” guy. If YOU don’t love yourself and have the confidence to look in the mirror everyday and DON’T have the ability to say or think something positive about yourself, that’s a good place to start.
I’m not lying either, find ANY physical attribute that you always love about yourself. Your eyes, bridge of your nose, predominate brow, facial hair, SOMETHING, ANYTHING! But each day start your day looking in the mirror and think/say “Damn I look good”. Just doing that day in and day out will start to crack that shell you’ve put around yourself.
I wish I could give you more advice, and be more specific. But I don’t know you. I don’t know your life or the circumstances around your loneliness. But know that I’ve been there. EVERYONE has been there at one time or another, and the best way to bounce back is by being confident. There are guys out there who LOVE old fat guys. And they always will! (Which is good for me, cause one day, I too will be an old fat guy. And I don’t expect to be lonely then.) And don’t call yourself old, you’re 40 for fucks sakes. I live in FL, where 60+ y/o guys are like frenzied sharks on sites like A4A.
Be confident, be proud of who you are, be happy with what you’ve accomplished in your life and what else you’re gonna do with the rest of it, and most importantly. LOVE YOURSELF. Because if you don’t, no one else will either.
This goes to everyone else who has the “Same, but different story. We’re all beautiful human beings, and always remember the truth about the internet.
Somewhere out there in this big tangled internet, there is someone jerking off to porn of someone who looks just like you!
Thanks for the loving comments!
BB
what ever happened to common sense? i still get a kick out of the barbie dream date profiles, do these boys actually read what they wrote?
One thing that I have learned over the years is that there is a market for anything and everyone. Knowing that alone can give you a bit of confidence. The tips above are great which reminds me that I need to do some updating myself.
Thanks for blogging…. D