Speak Out : Date Uh?
I met a guy at my gym a while ago. We added each other on FB and we chatted and texted for over 6 months. We even met several times casually and one time for sex. I suggested to him that we should date and start being lovers since we had this great connection. He was hesitant but liked the idea to go slow and see where it would lead us.
He is a journalist and was assigned to Paris for one month. I was a bit pissed but what can I do?! We kept on chatting on FB and texting each other we even “camed” on Skype. When he came back I suggested to meet for dinner and I added ” if you are still single ” …
To my surprise, he was no longer single… But what happened in Paris or since he came back? He said he would like us to stay friends and see each other for fun etc.
“Will you still talk to me?” he said.
(silence)
WTF?!
Ever had a bad experience like this?
Dave
Don’t forget to follow us on Facebook and Twitter
don’t take it personal – he obviously was looking for something else relationship wise
Move on Dave. He’s got a thing for someone else, but apparently wants to keep you for fun. That means he cares more for the other. It may be brutal and hurt, but move on. He’s not worth it….
Disappointing for sure. All you can do is move on. Remember that you are a good person, who is worthy of true love and affection. Pick yourself and continue to be “Awesome”
Men are pigs…sometimes.
That sounds horrible. I met a guy online a few years back, it started as just friends then he made the move to hold hands, first kiss, the goods nights and even the first to say I love you. We had all sorts of dates even spent nights together.I took the lead and asked him to be my bf and to my surprise he said no. After he initiated everything….I wish he would have just found someone else
Yes, I had a similar experience. We’re still friends on Facebook, but I learned from the experience.
So, did he hook up with a man or a woman? If he hooked up with a woman, maybe he just isn’t comfortable with the whole public gay thing and would like to keep that part of his life quite and he really does care for you and that is why he wants to continue to be friends, etc.
I’ve run into experiences that fit a similar theme under different circumstances on a few occasions. In each experience like that there is one common factor, guys not having the balls to just come out and say they only want the sex and not really interested in dating you. Dave, his hesitant reaction to you when you brought up the idea of dating each other and seeing where that connection leads is a big clue that he wasn’t really interested in dating and didn’t have the balls to tell you that. I know this is a radical concept in this day and age, but when you meet someone whom you want to date and possibly let that dating lead into a courtship for a relationship it’s better to hold off on getting to the sex right away and just enjoy who each other is outside of sex. The internet may have made getting sex easier, but one thing we all need to remember and stop trying to ignore or brush aside is that many times the other guy just isn’t going to take you as seriously about wanting to date if you had sex within the first few times of spending time together. Plus most of the time when you have sex that soon, the guy is more than likely more interested in the hookup. He might turn out to be a good friend but unless he’s one of those rare ones, he’s not interested in dating and definitely not thinking about a relationship when he’s having sex with you that early on.
Well, you know what they say, there are more fishes in the ocean. I’m sure next o e will be the one!!!!
He’s just not that into you….. Can’t win ’em all
A tenner says he was bi, happens all the time
Bisexual men are total cunts
Long distance relationships are extremely difficult, especially for gay men. I broke up with my ex because he got a great job in chicago. I either had to move with him or break. my life is here in new york city. we still talk on a weekly basis because it was a amicable “adult” realistic decision.Of course, this was after being together for 5 years!…
6 months is not nearly enough to think that the relation would endure a long distance affair. Besides, your ex-man does not seem to be the relationship type anyways… he has a boyfriend and still wants to hook-up. that should tell you that he was not committed, even when he was with you…lol..
reality check: some dudes are just not monogamous, so find one who actually is.
If I had a dollar for every guy I liked who moved directly into a relationship with someone else, I could have bought my apartment a long time ago.
I finally stopped looking.
No offense bud because I’ve been there but you sounds lonely and clingy. Probably lacking friends or family. In my 27 years on this earth and 14 years of being out I’ve learned to not bother needing such intense relationships and just go with the flow. Find a hobby. Don’t stress over men.
yep been there had that done to me,and it FUCKING SUCKS I saw it coming and yet there was nothing I could do to change his mind.it still hurts and I still miss him his touch his scent his sex. HIM !!! yet I don’t have any regrets. I now know what a mans touch of real passion is like and how it can melt my heart. even tho I know he never really felt the same about me. I reflect on my time with him and how much I enjoyed even when we were talking about hurtful family thing we both had tears in our eyes and we had shared how painful it was but how good I felt afterward. I know in my heart he felt the same way at the time.the difference is I still feel that moment in time inside my self. I also i’m better off with myself that I went through those feelings and can appreciate the short time I had him.overall a GREAT time in my life and a growing experience…….Dean
Yes, this has happened to me. I discovered the guy was married — to a woman, of all things — and had no intention of leaving the marriage (“It’s complicated,” he explained). So glad it happened sooner than later.
Alot of guys always say he’s not worth it…then who is? Thats why you have fought for marriage. Fight for love. just have him for fun is such a cop out…and a easy way to be alone, depressed and a man with cats after 50.
Yes I have … not fun …
What I read sounded clingy…. Your suggestion made him run for the hills…. Move on. No offense.
I suppose my idea of dating is a bit more traditional. The fact that you guys were “talking” for six months before your first date and even then you decided to take it slow seems odd. If I meet a guy and I’m interested after that initial meeting, that’s when I invite him on a date.
Well’ this is the pro’s and con’s of gay lifestyle~!!! Sex is the real reason for hookup’s and breakup’s”” Love has very little to do with gay relationships, because one or the other is just only in it for the moment until the next hot guy come’s around, road trip is a deal breaker~!!! Don’t ever chase a guy, let him go. Be happy with yourself”” never stress over a guy, he’s just being himself. If you wanna be friends, be friends’ if you wanna have sex, have sex””” always stay in control of you***
I would never go to the Gym.
Been in a situation like that before. The catch is I thought dude was cool at first until I starting hanging with him. After time, I realized dude wasn’t my type. Only difference, I told the guy upfront. If ur still interested in knowing ask him.
I was seeing a guy and thought we had an incredible connection. We went out on romantic dinners, movie dates, I even cooked dinner for the guy and whipped up my best meal. I seriously thought the connection was meaningful, like, “the one” potential.
Then, the Wednesday before super bowl, I asked what he was doing during the weekend, because I finally thought we were at a place where I wanted to introduce him to my friends. He never responded to the text. Two days later, I text him “well, for whatever it’s worth B—-, it was very nice to meet you”. I never heard back.
Moral of the story: C’est la Vie, and adios motherfucker =)
Dave, You are better than that, drop him like a hot rock, cause he ain’t worth it, your Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now is waiting in the wings for his entrance, don’t stop attending the show of life and miss him.
Whatever happened with the pilot? Does this guy know about your blog?
BlueSteele, this happened before the pilot.
I have a similar situation going on, I’ve been crying and stressing myself out. This guy lives next door to me, how in the hell do I move on when I see the other dudes car parked out there, and I know what they are doing? HELP ME!!!!
Dates??? What’s that haha just kidding. We’re in a hookup culture guys and girls would rather screw than date, when u date someone u can still run around being a hoe then again that doesn’t stop alot of people
Unfortunately for you Dave, he just wasn’t all that in to you.
this happen to everyone, when you think you have the right person, there they go. having another relationship with another guy, this is another reason why most gay guys can’t stay friends, if your in it for just the fun say so, put you on the buddy list
Oh Gawd! Half of your story sounds like Carrie and Big scenes that were cut (or should’ve been) and the other half sounds like Dwayne Wayne bringing back the girlfriend from Japan to Whitley Gilbert….. Meanwhile there’s only 1 way to catch a man like this: make yourself look irresistible and act like you can’t stand him!
I wish there was GIF that pops up yelling “HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU” every time somebody gets rejected in one way or another. Guys and girls will always try to find some rationalization someway, somehow like, “but he kept texting me sweet nothings all day, and we saw each other 3x a week for 4 months, etc.” It’s just rejection, plain and simple. It bites, but it happens to all of us (as much as we do it to others, too) so we just have to accept it and move on.
The most telling thing is the “let’s take it slow.” That’s a RED FLAG right there. It’s just code for “I like you enough to hang out with you but I’m still looking for the real one for me.”
Anyway (and this is related to the recent topic about being single by choice where I posted my take on it), I ask this to anybody who’s “dating” or trying to, why do you want it? What do you think being in a relationship is going to do to you? Do you feel incomplete being single? If you don’t have the right answers to those questions, I don’t think you should be dating or looking for one to date in the first place.
Too many times…it is quite rude
Yep. Happened to me in college with the first guy I ever had the guts to date. I had just gotten out of my last straight relationship, although I’d always been attracted to men I got to talking to this great guy and we met up for dinner, hung out casually at both our apartments and just like you, had sex. He was my first gay sex experience. Never thought I’d have feelings for another guy at that point in my life but I have to admit I was a little standoffish. Sure enough after break he comes back with a new boyfriend that lived an hour away, but still wanted to come around. I feel ya. He’s not worth it.
Met someone online about 6 months ago. We have great connection and had great chemistry. I asked him several times if he wants to date but his reply has always been: “I don’t want to get hurt nor hurt you.”, which in turns translates to me after a while as “I have not yet getting over my ex but I’d love to have that piece of @$$ to channel my sexual frustration every now and then.”. So i moved on and we are currently on the first month of trying it to be platonic. But, yes, Dave please move on. People like them do not deserve your time and emotion.
I recently dated a guy, When I asked him for a more permanent situation he said,”Don’t rush me.” Didn’t talk to him for over a year, now we just have sex. I just believe guys don’t want a total committment anymore.
It’s the whole why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free scenario. I know there are some real quality guys out there, I just haven’t met one.(Yet…?)
Men – they’re a dime a dozen! Too many fish in the sea to worry about the one that got away.
Yep. I know how you feel dave. It HURTS!!!!!
Every guy I’ve ever met has always ended up with some one else. I’m like a living cupids arrow. SO trust me, I know where you are coming from.
Just let go and move on… There has to be someone better out there that makes you a priority. Then, when this one has to leave for work, or family or whatever … He will be excited to come home to you
Just have fun and enjoy him while it lasts. “Next”!
I had something like this happen to me, I knew it wasn’t going to work but I kept trying and waiting, till one day I seen he had changed his stats on FB to in a relationship with some other guy I didn’t even know about, when I asked him about this he told me we were only friends and that I wasn’t relationship material anyway. So I have moved on and he still keeps trying to be my friend and I keep trying to tell him I am not interested, but makes me the bad guy for putting so much effort into something that didn’t lead any where. So I have come to the conclusion that I will be forever single which is probably for the best since I like things my way anyway.
LOL….this is typical gay male bullshit. Gimme my cake and eat it too? Fuck off frenchie. I say stay single, find a fuck buddy to handle your needs and leave the other bullshit for the birds. Focus on what’s positive in your life and what you can control. Maybe in 150 years, gay men will have evolved to the point where we can be straight forward and respectful to each other. Doubt it, but…….
He probably wasn’t single in the first place. Guessing he didn’t want to share that fact until you opened the door to it with the ‘…if you’re still single’ comment.
You’re obviously young. Listen to your elders.
The “gay lifestyle” requires that you be attracted to men, both sexually and as an object of your affections. Now you know why women get infuriated and saddened by men, which results in songs like this, by Johnny Mercer in 1941 (gender-bended by Cab Calloway):
“My mamma done told me,
when I was in knee pants,
My mamma done told me, “Son,
A man’s gonna sweet talk,
he’ll give you the big eye,
And when the sweet talkin’s done.
A man is a two-face,
A worrisome thing who’ll leave you to sing,
The blues in the night ”
Sing it, Ella….
Sounds like he had a few guys he was talking to and this guy he ended up with after Paris won out. Don’t sweat it; generally guys who juggle multiple men have a problem (1) staying in a relationship for any significant period of time or (2) always insist on being in “open” relationships so they can still fuck the other guys they’re talking to.
One red flag you should have caught was after 6 months of talking to one another (with casual meetings and sex happening) he wanted to “take things slow and see where it went” – honey, after 6 months if you go any slower you may as well stop moving. If you can’t figure out your chemistry between another person in six months then there probably isn’t any. A statement like that would have clued me in that he wasn’t really looking for any kind of substantial relationship, and I don’t know this guy but it sounds to me like his current relationship with Paris-guy or whoever probably isn’t going to last very long.
If you could tell he was hesitant about making the commitment, that should have told you where he stood- except it for what it was. It only hurts you to make more of it that it is.
as for getting pissed at his assignment for work – grow up !
depending on what have fun means – do you want to play the field or find “the one” ? if monogamy is important to you , then make it clear to him that fun is defined as bowling, ball game, hiking etc.
Actually, this could have been a lot worse. I know it hurts when you feel like you’re connecting with someone and they choose to go in another direction, but at least when asked a direct question, he spoke the truth.
It seems to me you have some options here:
1) If the physical part is “good enough” for you, then keep on doing what you’re doing — just don’t use it as an excuse to keep pursuing something he’s already turned down.
2) If you can’t deal with knowing him in a physical way with the knowledge that he’s seeing someone else for the emotional side of him, then break it off… but there is no need to be angry — after all, he didn’t deceive you (at least not the way I read it), he just didn’t choose you.
One last thing — while he may have answered you in a truthful way, it appears he was still far from forthcoming… if you ever do find yourself in a relationship with this man, do not fool yourself into thinking he’ll be monogamous!
In the mean time, your quest for the right man is ready for a new chapter… all you can do is try to make it a better chapter than all the others!
It sounds like you put all your eggs in one basket, and he’s just not that into you. If the guy wasn’t sure about you, it probably was not wise to wait for him. Hopefully one day you find a guy that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. Being rejected doesn’t feel good and we all deal with that differently. The sooner you let it go and remember what you’ve learned from this experience, the sooner you’ll find the right fit for you and your life.
So, from what we got, I will disagree with some of the others and say it didn’t seem as you were coming off as clingy. The truth of the matter is that sadly in our community most guys are dishonest and will tell you anything you want to hear to hook-up…been there quite a few times…would be nice if guys were just honest about wanting just a hook-up, or open to the posibility possibility of more happening if things click.
Also, someone said something about you having all your eggs in one basket. Pay no attention to them, I am kinda the same way…old fashioned I guess you would call it. If there is someone I am truly interested in and feel some kinda of spark with I kinda focus on what’s happening between us, and don’t keep playing the field in case something better comes along…that’s not fair to either of you.
he just wants to fuck. duh.
Have never been able to wrap my head around how many people deal with dating and relationships. People come in all sizes, shapes, and characteristics. For a long term relationship that’s good for both, an almost infinite number of stars have to align. People go into relationships expecting/demanding that “this one will be Happily Ever After”. When all the pheromones are firing, they jump in with both feet. “THIS IS IT! WE NEED TO DATE! WE NEED TO MOVE IN TOGETHER!” And when things don’t take off for the sky, all hell breaks loose: “I’ve been REJECTED. The other person was an ass! They should rot in hell! I never want to see them or speak to them again!”
Maybe people should take a different tact: you meet a guy, cool your jets on anything about a relationship. If one doesn’t take off, it’s no foul; no one’s fault. There were things you liked about the guy upfront. Why lose those? That’s just the level of relationship you have. Move on from there.
Dave, no offense, but you sound rather needy and excessively clingy. Hope you’re not this way with all the men with whom you date.
Weren’t you dating a pilot like 5 articles ago?
NameGoesHere: that happened before the pilot
I thought we joined this site to get away from women.. Guess the idea of nsa fun is just a claptrap.
Note to Dave:
See the guys who’re calling you “excessively clingy?” Don’t date those guys, unless you’re just looking for a cum dump. Jus’ sayin’.
You should consider his offer to be friends. It really sounds like that’s what he was into from the beginning. Of course, getting naked with you may have created some mixed signals. But cum on that happens… And now he’s made it clear that he’s involved with someone or just not interested. So, if you don’t need any more friends, then tell him ‘no thanks’. Also… when the right guy finally comes along, you won’t need to hang out for 6 months before things get serious. Let’s be honest… When it takes that long to make a connection, you’re totally wasting your your time.
I meet a guy at a party, had a nice time, came back to my place and continued our conversation for a couple of hours. We didn’t have sex that night, just a good time. Did the whole dating thing for a few months, had a real connection, then one night after coming back from a concert, I never heard from him. He did mention early on that he had been seeing someone else but it wasn’t serious, and he didn’t realize he would like me as much as he did (he told me he had seen me before we meet at the party, but didn’t think I would be interested in him).
Well a few months after he disappeared, I ran into him at the gym, and he claims he was going through a lot at the time and wasn’t in a good place to have a relationship. I told him it was cool, he could have just told me that, I suspect he went back to the “not so serious guy”…
So, those guys saying you sound clingy? Those guys have absolutely zero idea how to show consideration for anybody but themselves. They have the emotional maturity of a sugar high toddler. Hearing them chime in about Relationships is like watching Michael J. Fox roll a joint. These guys know as much about how to have a healthy relationship as the Duggar family knows about fisting. The last time they did something for someone else, it was holding the door in the steam room at the Y. And even then, probably only so they could get their dick sucked.
Hooking up is fine for a stretch, so long as you are honest about your intent…but I Pitt the man so consumed with his own Petty needs that he never experiences the unbridled joy that can come from sharing all that you are with someone, and having the same returned in exchange. ang in ther.
Been there done especially the men in the military. Haha
It sounds like he just wanted to move on after sex. The chance of anyone going to another country and finding true love in 1 month is probably rare.Next time, stand back and give him a chance to invite you into the relationship. You just might be pleasantly surprised. In the meantime,get back out there and have some fun. You can’t bait a hook, if you never go fishin”!!!!
Some guys are relationship oriented, some guys just want sex. I’d rather find a relationship with a good guy than have meaningless sex with random men.
I’ve been thee I meet this guy at work, he was a customer, I took a break and was talking to him, I went back to work and he left, toy surprise he came back to for before we close, we went to the beach that night, had a few drinks and we make out, we had a good time he wanted me to stay in his hotel room that night, but before I say yes, I told him I’m HIV+ he was ok with it, I stay in his room, we made out all night but didn’t had sex, I stay with him 2 more nights and nothing happened, but than after hw left he was calling all the time, he will call to wake me up for work, he call me at night this happened for 2 weeks in a row,(he will always say he wanted to movw here and that he wanted to get to know me, that no one make him feel like I did) than the calls stoped, he didn’t have time any more, he will say that it was because of work and than he finally say he was dating someone else. Like someone here aay he just didn’t had the balls that say that he was dating someone else. I dislike people like that.