Hookup: The Five Kinds Of Bottoms You Meet

Some time ago, we wrote about the five kinds of tops that you meet during your dating life, and we really appreciated the lighthearted discussion that went on in the comments section. So we thought it fair to also bring up the kinds of tops you meet when you go out and try to hookup.

Once again, this is all in lighthearted fun. Don’t get too heated in the comments!

1. The “female” bottom

Okay, try to read the whole thing first before getting angry. Gender roles are outdated and really should be discarded, but these types of bottoms still seem to be very hung up on those roles. He’ll never make the first move, will expect the top to pay for everything, and expect the top to keep up the conversation. There’s nothing wrong with it if the top wants to do it for you, but don’t expect it from every top you meet

2. The “barnacle” bottom

You guys know how barnacles stick to ships and are extremely difficult to remove? This bottom is the same, but with tops. It’s fine if you guys are in a monogamous relationship, but it’s embarrassing when you’re doing it to a top that’s clearly not interested in you. Just take the loss and move on.

3. The tall bottom

In much the same way that femme tops are overlooked because of sexual role typecasting, bottoms who are tall aren’t the ones that get overlooked simply because they don’t “look the part.” So the next time a tall guy puts the moves on you, don’t necessarily expect him to top you or you might end up disappointed.

4. The power bottom

Arguably the bottom that’s most visible in the mainstream consciousness. It would not be surprising to hear the term mentioned in anything from reality shows to sitcoms. As any gay man knows, a power bottom is far from your submissive stereotype. They take control in a situation and tell you exactly how they want you to be pleased. For a certain type of gay guy, that is very, very hot.

5. The “ho” bottom

If you’ve ever been into the kink scene, you’ve probably encountered the “ho” bottom. He’s the bottom that’s in a swing with a line of tops looking to pound that hole. He’s the bottom that all your top friends are very familiar with. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Adam4Adam is absolutely sex-positive, and we support you and your ho self, just as long as you play safe!

Adam4Adam blog readers, what are other kinds of bottoms have you met when you go out and go on dates? Share it with us in the comments section below, and keep in mind that this is all in lighthearted fun. Don’t get too heated in the comments!

There are 22 comments

Add yours
  1. Kasper

    The Sinking Bottom: I’ve fallen in and I can’t get out! The hole is long and deep…too long and too deep to do anything else but just fall in and try to get out!

    The Bottom-of-the-Pit: It has already been invaded…many, many times by aliens of unknown origins? All you see is darkness…not unlike the ‘Black Hole’. It has already been explored and every crevice and crack assaulted until neither wall nor floor can be fel.

    The Stinking Bottom: no matter how many times it is washed, shaved, exfoliated, moisturized and perfumed, you can small humanity who has gone before!

    The Dangerous Bottom: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter”! Danger lurks and the truncation of the penis awaits! Creatures live in there, with teeth, claws and webs!

    The Impossible Bottom 1: no matter how long-the-pole; no matter how-thick-the-pole, you will never put a smile on the receiver; the breach is infinite and has reached the point-of-no-return!

    The Impossible Bottom 2: it cannot be entered…either God decreed it, so or the bottom is genetically indisposed to a rear attack. No matter, the plan, weapons, strength, patience, or physical prowess and stamina…it will never be entered and closed…forever…until the undertakes uses the proverbial butt-plug, to keep the embalming fluids from leaking out!

    The Unobtainable Bottom: strictly, just-for-looks! You can look, lick, eat, munch and feast, you will never git it…as its ‘Raison de Etre’ is to attract victims with the promise of ‘earthly delights’ only to be denied upon-the-sheets!

      • Kasper


        There is Hope:

        The Divine Bottom: God’s ultimate creation! USDA Prime Beef…muscled, nicely marbled…with the right amount of gristle…just enough to offer some resistance when you bite into it!

        It is perfection personified…no flaws…The Mona Lisa! The parting-of-the-flesh…where you place-your-face…and it meets-its-destiny…and never to be seen again!

        It is the ‘Last Supper’ before you die…the last meal of your lifetime! The ultimate cuisine for all of Mankind!

  2. Old black man

    Geez, slow day for creative writing? “5 top and 5 bottom” types… lol

    Then you make the statement…”Gender roles are outdated and really should be discarded”

    Where is the top/bottom or the bottom/top…or the “I don’t have a role…I’m fluid” hehehehe


    I’m a man “type”

  3. Dr. P.

    You are talking about the personalities of guys who take on the passive role in sex, but that is very different from their actual in-bed sexual performance.
    “Straight” guys who love to be bottoms and surrender all type of control.
    “The Alcohol Straights” who only get penetrated when they have been drinking and lay in bed possessed by guilt and whine in pleasure.
    “The Born-Again Christians” bottoms who the minute they feel a penis in their sacristy will begin to worship God ” Oh God” “Oh my precious God” “Oh Sweet Jesus” If done on Sundays this bottom does not need to go to church and neither does the top.
    “Control” freak. The guy who thinks sex is directed like an orchestra and the “Control Queen” who wants to be serviced only.
    The “Bi-Curious” bottom who will rim and get plowed and will not kiss nor suck because he does that with his wife/GF.
    The “Versatiles” who come in all shades and variants but tend to be 99% bottom and the 1% is uttering the word “Top.”
    The “Screamers” – Lord have mercy on you and your neighbors because this one will moan and scream so loud you have to gag him.
    The “Zombies” Bottoms who lay there rumps on the bed and never move or lift a leg.
    The “Total Bottom” the one who will not come near your dick unless it is in his love canal.
    Dr. P

  4. Greg

    6. The “straight” bottom

    This type doesn’t identify at all with being gay. His life is straight in all respects–married, with kids, etc.–but he occasionally explores sex with other men, not so he can top them, but so he can be topped by them. With this type, it’s best to remember that the perceived orientation and the sexual behavior may not match. Don’t be surprised if he refuses to kiss (“it’s too gay”) while in the middle of getting fucked.

      • Greg

        I don’t consider the description I posted to be so positive, so I’m surprised that you identify with it. Do you ever have any internal conflicts about your public and private lives and what you consider gay sex to be?

  5. Andrew

    Oh don’t forget the bottom who thinks that having a bowel movement is the only way the ass is cleansed and just brushes off the scent of shit in a room when ur pounding him out with shit on the condom too. Or the lazy bottom, who starts off strong and 5 minutes down the love making lays there like a fish and only grunts hardly doing the bare minimum.

  6. hotnjbottom

    These are pretty mean spirited comments. I won’t respond with similarly mean spirited comments about tops, because even though I’ve met a few disappointments, I like men and don’t like putting them down, and with most tops I very much enjoy them in bed (and, I think, vice versa — they certainly come back for more). I will say that if your sex life has been a series of unpleasant experiences the problem might be you.

  7. StretchMeOut

    I’m tight. Too tight. I don’t use toys or finger and I’ve been topped by very few men. But oh, how I wish I were the ho.

  8. Fark

    “How about you invite ten of your biggest-dicked professional model perfect muscle body rich daddy total top buddies to come take turns tag-teaming my ass?”

    Uh….I think if I had friends like that I probably wouldn’t be here on A4A talking to you… And even if there actually were ten tops left in California it would probably be illegal to have them all together at the same time. What if there was an earthquake or something? Anyway I was really looking to flipfuck today…

    “Uh-uh. TOTAL bottom here–don’t top, don’t reciprocate, don’t do oral–you can eat my ass for foreplay but I’m really not into you or your butt, ‘kay? Just looking to get fucked. Come on–I know you can set it up! Oh, and be sure to have a sling, refreshments, party favors, porn that I like, leather, plenty of silicone lube, and a shower douche I might use but probably won’t. And lots of clean towels. And something to eat–I’m starving.”

    Uh….so what exactly are YOU bringing to the party?

    “Duh! I’m the BOTTOM! Text me when you’re ready to come pick me up. I’m at my friend’s place about 45 minutes past Palm Springs–you have the really big Mercedes, right? And a charger for an iPhone?”

  9. DavidH55

    I can certainly understand the plight of the “tall bottom”. Why do men feel being tall and a bottom is out of character ….. I am 6’3″ tall and most guys think I am definitely a top. Nothing is further from the truth. But give a guy a chance … our long spiderlike legs can lock around a top and do great things. And one more thing … why do men condemn guys that profess their preference as a bottom by telling them that we need to be versatile, especially if you are tall.

  10. Hunter0500

    Looking at the responses in both the Hookups: Tops and Hookups: Bottoms blogs, a common theme seems to be that Hookup Sex with declared Tops or Bottoms is filled with selfish egos, surprises (usually not positive), disappointments, and unexpected outcomes. Yes, sometimes it is good but if these two “surveys” are indicators, it’s amazing that gay guys ever have decent sex.

  11. Davesback

    I am between the power bottom and the ho bottom. And at times, a screamer bottom. Yes, I have had neighbors complain. So what? I have to hear their wives moan and groan when they fuck all through the night sometimes, so hearing me s payback.

  12. Top Man

    Total Top here, my pet peeve; Blow-jobers who claim to be “bottoms”, but never do. They show up knowing what’s expected of them (to actually bottom) only to say that they don’t have time to bottom and they only have time for a blow job…

Post a new comment

Like us to stay in touch with latests posts!