Adam4Adam National Coming Out Day

Gay Stuff: Celebrating National Coming Out Day

What is your coming out story, guys? We are asking because today—October 11, 2018—we are celebrating the 30th National Coming Out Day (NCOD). Observed worldwide every year on this day, NCOD is a “civil awareness day celebrating individuals who publicly identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer—coming out regarding one’s sexual orientation and/or gender identity being akin to a cultural rite of passage for LGBTQ people.”

In line with the celebration, Human Rights Campaign (HRC) shared the stories of out celebrities like singer Janelle Monáe and Kehlani, soccer player Colin Martin, musician Brendon Urie, and model Reece King to name a few. HRC said that NCOD is “an opportunity to emphasize the importance of coming out and creating a safe world in which LGBTQ people can live openly as their authentic selves.”

But National Coming Out Day isn’t just about “coming out” per se, the point is visibility, says HRC. That, yes, NCOD is here to celebrate our coming out but also to “raise awareness of the LGBT community and civil rights movement.” More importantly, the celebration is a way of showing support and reminding others who had not come to terms with their own sexuality yet thereby feeling alienated that we are here, we exist, they are not alone. NCOD is about sharing one’s story and experiences to inspire others yes, but “coming out” comes in many forms: coming out to ourselves (self-acceptance), “coming out as an ally or a supporter, or coming out as a family member of someone who’s LGBTQ.”

It’s important to remember though, that NCOD is not about coming out yourself, today, as “coming out is an individual decision, and it’s important to do it in your own way,” according to NHS. If someone did that for you without your consent, that’s called being outed and it’s not what NCOD is about.

Happy National Coming Out Day, members of A4A!

There are 11 comments

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  1. Hunter0500

    If a guy really needs to “Come Out”, great. He should go for it. These guys feel the need to draw a line, and tell everyone else “this is me and you have to deal with it.” Their sexuality leads the way in who they are. OK, they are to be respected for their need.

    There are also many guys who don’t feel the need. They don’t feel the need to let their family, friends, coworkers, or the public know. They are who there are. Over time, their family, friends, coworkers, and close public members come to know it, but by that time it’s not an issue because their personality and character have lead the way over their sexuality.

    There’s a lot of pressure from militant gays that EVERYONE should ‘Come Out”. Almost always with the guilt trip that “Come Out” gays marched, they fought the fight over the years, and they are somehow OWED it that YOU “Come Out”.

    The hard facts are that while some gays were marching and rallying, there were untold numbers of gay guys who didn’t go public. They were themselves, in a quiet way. Over time, people got to know a family member, a friend, a coworker, a business owner, who … after a time … well, it became they were gay. And they brought acceptance to gays as well because these guys were known to be great men, great family members, great friends, great coworkers, great people.

    Let’s not get pissy about whether it was the “Come Out” guys … or the Quiet Guys … who brought acceptance.

    If you need to “Come Out”, go for it.

    If not …

  2. Matt

    Coming out is a cliche. It’s isn’t safe to be any gay you want to be in the gay community. If you’re not a Liberal, you get bullied by the hateful, intolerant people on the Left. I know men who identify as same-sex oriented or MSM rather than gay to avoid the stigma that you’re a Leftist rainbow unicorn snowflake.

    • Libertarian Queer

      Well, I never felt unsafe at the gay bars I’ve been to but I do have some idea of what you mean about some of the intolerant left in the gay community. They can be rather catty and clique-ish. Then again, that seems kind of normal for some aside from politics. As far as hate goes, I don’t particularly care whether any of them hate me or not. I don’t derive my income, identity, or self esteem from them. As long as they remain civil we’ll be fine. If not, I can be uncivil, too.

      I find it quite liberating to avoid group-think. I wish more would try it.

  3. Casper

    For many of us gays, the coming out was when we passed through the ‘birth canal’ of our mothers.

    Not every gay person needs or desires to ‘come out’. Any gay who walks the earth is already out. The problem is and remains that some gays identify themselves as ‘gay’ instead of as human and so, all they have is their sexual orientation. It is a sad commentary that what position you take in bed becomes your epitaph.

    Gay is ‘lifestyle’ not species: we are all: “Homo Sapiens Sapiens ( the wise, wise man).

    We are humans before we are gay.

    We are already out!

    • BobbyB

      Gay men use to die LONELY because it was nearly impossible to know who was gay in the 40s, 50s, and 60s. Brokeback Mountain is NOT my favorite movie, but one thing rings true throughout that film, that until gay men took some pride and strength in WHO they ARE, and believed they are NOT some anomaly, but exactly what they were meant to be, then there would be no regular or normalized joy. In fact, at the end of the film it is never clear if the audience is omnipotent or if Ennis just surmises what hell befell Jack’s death. For those who discovered ‘gay clubs’ police would often raid those places taking pleasure in regularly torturing and beating those individuals … WHY do you think the STONEWALL patrons eventually fought back? Keep hiding in plain sight, use the anonymity of the Internet to FIND men and plug their holes, and then ask yourself how you feel about THAT existence? Why do we live in shame, endanger our health, and act out incredibly passionately with relative strangers in our beds? Promiscuity is not the promised land, it is just a stop on the way to owning and taking control of our lives. We have an ENTIRE generation that would lead us BACK into the shadows

  4. Lamar

    I keep myself above the stigma’s, period, I learned that from being a “colored child,” another words; its not a problem for me, but rather, the world I live in. Coming-out was something that seemed forced only because a friend of the family saw me going into one of the gay bars in our downtown of the city. Once confronted by my mother over the phone the very next morning (she had no problem with it!) I was so unbelievably relieved! There, the most important person in my life excepts me as I am. I hate secrets as I know, “you’re only as sick as you’re secrets.”

  5. anonimatovato

    what about those “I had no choice but they made me come out” type of gay men? yknow, when homophobic bullies decide to put a derogatory label on you? They out you first before you had the time of the day to do it in your own terms and in horrible ways. They seem to know more about the “gay life style” better than some of us. I wonder why? Pricks!

    • Lamar

      Can I please shed some light on that? Sometimes, they are just looking in the mirror (pot calling the kettle) seeing you, but, they’ve learned to hide it, they despise you for being more obvious, maybe, even attracted to you, perhaps, but fighting it. It’s also possible, they see some strength in you, even though, you may not be aware of it being; brave/free about your vulnerability, as a gay man. Often, they can’t or don’t have the inner strength be ‘who’ they are; you’re already liberated, not realizing-just being you; as they remained locked within themselves. It’s not about you, as it is about them, live within that strength, little-people, are always gonna try to drag you down, because they’re insignificant to themselves and “misery, loves company.”

  6. Ranttrap

    Yawn. Same guys. Same comments.
    THEY don’t need to, so YOU shouldn’t NEED to either.
    Perfectly fine with ‘passing’ and supportive of all types of anti-gay sentiment (gay guys are bullies, coming out is cliché: read bove). How lucky you all are that someone else put their time, lives, and faces on the forefront of this struggle, risked their own safety to march, and created the ‘atmosphere’ that TODAY allows so many of “US” to live a life which affords us all the opportunity to come out [or not come out] as we please … I salute Medgar Evers, MLK Jr., R. Parks, Cesar Chavez, and the many others who fought in many other communities for THEIR OWN cause célèbre … How many in THIS community even know who Harvey Milk was? Not talking about the biographical movie of the same name, I mean: WHO HERE can recall the first OUT politician, the man whose former lover, Oliver Sipple, SAVED President Gerald Ford’s life! After the papers OUTED him as gay, Sipple was sent a letter (instead of being invited to the White House) of merit and thanks. Sipple never wanted to be outed because at THAT time it led to his family NEVER speaking to him again. That story is still painful today, because I CAN RECALL Anita Bryant’s hateful SAVE OUR CHILDREN [anti-gay] speeches and of course live news coverage of Dan White murdering Moscone and Harvey Milk … but never once have I doubted that Milk’s believe that-


    So, yes, you have the RIGHT to come out, or not, as you please, but please, do not for ONE minute pretend that you are not WELL aware that many others suffered personal hardship to EARN you that RIGHT to your inane trepidation and lackadaisical inaction on behalf of this community.

  7. BSintolerant

    YOU are not just out for YOU, YOU are out for EVERYONE LIKE YOU, and you are saying to the world THIS IS ME, like it or not, in your face, THIS IS ME!!

  8. bjjj

    Myself or my BF really don’t “advertise” the fact were gay. Quite a few people know that we are gay only by the fact that they see us together, whether it be eating out, shopping, or at an adult arcade etc Neither of us get into the bar/club scene as it’s just not our thing. Quite a few in both families know that we are gay, some are ok with it, others not so much. Others still believe that we are nothing more than just “friends”. Everybody is different and what people choose to do in their lives is really no ones business unless it involves them in some way. Being gay, straight, bi, really is no ones business but their own. Like Lamar in his post above, we pretty much keep to ourselves. Also because I am white and my BF/lover is black, which also creates another reason for people to judge, gossip, and show hatred for our relationship. (Oh yea, I love my BF for whom he is, not his skin color). People also look at “gay” only in sexual terms. It’s goes so much further than that. It’s about caring, helping each other, doing things, and enjoying each other. The sexual thing is only a small part of two guys that love and care for each other.

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