Sexuality: How do Gay Men Lose Their Virginity?
The question as to when one exactly loses their virginity is usually a point of contention among women. However, we stumbled upon this article over at Gay Star News that asks, in essence, “Do you have to have anal to lose your ‘gay virginity?'”
Well, what do you think guys?
The author, Bradley Birkholz, asked the question because four years ago he was apparently kissing a man for the very first time in his life. They were in bed so obviously they did more than kissing and while there was no penetration, the two of them did climax. Afterwards, he jokingly asked him, “So does this mean I’ve lost my virginity?”
His partner laughed and said no.
The incident inspired Birkholz to study virginity as a societal concept through research and his life experience in general. He added however, that while he had learned a lot, he still considered that moment to be the exact time when he lost his virginity.
When you search for virginity’s definition online, you’ll get this meaning: “the state of never having had sexual intercourse.” The word is also synonymous to: “chastity, purity, innocence.” It’s probably why I agree with Birkholz’s view on virginity but that’s just me. What about you, guys? What does virginity mean to you? When does a gay man lose his virginity?
Also, we’d love to hear your thoughts on this one: how do you, as a gay or bisexual man, feel about virgins and virginity in general? Do you hold a high value on male virginity or do you view male virginity as something “shameful and defective?”
We’d love to hear your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
I lost my virginity in a very international way. I, an American, was in the Netherlands at a gay strip/sex club when I saw a Brazilian performer dance. His beautiful body and big dick caught my attention. I knew that I wanted him to fuck me, which would be my first time. In my hotel room, a few hours later, he did. I couldnt believe that huge ten incher fit in my virgin hole, but it did. If that Brazilian is reading, give me a shout out: marcUPguy. Wherever you are — Amsterdam, Brazil, Finland, wherever — I want to get fucked by you again.
And then you woke up from that dream.
Hmmmmmmmm good Question but I would have to say you have to have Intercourse to loose your virginity. I was 15 when I lost mine to an older Neighbor during the summer school break. Starting doing chores for him around his house. Then one thing lead to another !! OMG he was a awesome Teacher. From sucking cocks to learning how to take even the biggest cocks with Toy play practice! Had my first Group Sex experience with him too! Was a surprise was a little scared at first but was so excited at the same time!! Took him and 3 of his friends on and drained them all !! Loved it and will always remember that year mmmmmmmmmmm!!!
Lucky dude. Why didn’t I have any neighbors when I was growing up like this ?
Yeah. I’d guess it’s the first time you top or bottom.
First, there is nothing shameful or defective about virginity. Quite often, maintaining one’s virginity until the “right” person comes along is a matter of choice. Regardless of the reason, maintaining one’s virginity is a matter of choice.
Second, a women is considered to have lost her virginity with the first actual penetration…why would that be different for a man? In my youth, I masturbated and, thus, got off; but, that didn’t change the fact that I was still a virgin.
My father’s best friend — in his 30s, really huge dick, one of the biggest I’ve ever seen — fucked me one night while my parents were hosting a drunken party. Bob found me alone in my bedroom naked under the covers, started rubbing my hole, lubed it with some spit, and fucked me. I was 15 and loved every second of it, even the initial entry of those eleven inches. I’ve had a thing for huge dicks ever since.
Bob is a good man!
damn thats a hot story
That is one hot story and I am very jealous !
Bet that made you feel really naughty but sure you happily took all 11″ !
How do you “lose” it, anyway? Get careless and leave it in a restaurant or the shopping buggy at the grocery? Fall out of your pocket getting out of your car? Toss it in the bin whilst cleaning your desk? /satire
If virginity is never having done a specific thing (sexual/sensual/erotic) then we have multiple types of virginity. Emotional virginity – like the psychological impact of that first kiss with another man or discovering ones first deep emotional attachment to an individual man; sexual virginity – whether anal/oral/mineral/vegetable (nudge, wink), if you’ve not used that body part for sex; sensual virginity where the stimulation and enjoyment is new but not necessarily tied to sex. There are probably more ways to break this out but these 3 come to mind quickly.
For a guy new to sex with other men, he’s a virgin in a lot of ways, not just his anal sphincter. Sometimes these guys are fun adventurous and why in my profile I mention that I’m “good with new guys”. >:D
I consider I lost my virginity three times.
1) My first orgasm due to someone else’s friction.
2) My first orgasm inside another’s ass.
3) The first time I had sex with a man I knew was a committed relationship.
Excellent definitions (and plural is good)
The same way any man looses their virginity?
i turned it off when the little flower said “and that’ss saad to mee” because nobody fucking cares what’s “sad to you” little fucking rainbow children with the pronouns. stop.
I would say taking it up the butt or giving it up the butt.
Here again the politically correct way of thinking if loosing your virginity is about loosing your innocence most men boys and girls and those in between would have lost it as early as kinder garden with their first crush so this is society BS. Loosing your virginity doesn’t happen until you have sexual penetration I lost mine to a girl when I was 16 but sucked my first cock when I was 12 and my anal virginity when I was 19
Virginity is a toxic concept that has no place in gay culture or sex life. It’s basis originates with controlling female sexuality. Many cultures placed value an “intact” woman. Already a problem because some women don’t have a hymen or break it before sex. Along these lines is the idea the vaginal sex is somehow sacred. Ok so total bullshit. Why would a man’s ass be more sacred than his mouth or hand? And would that mean a total top would never lose his virginity?? So ridiculous. There’s no such thing but if you need a definition for gay virginity it would be any form of sexual contact between men that could lead to orgasm. I say “could” because maybe some men can’t even cum for medical reasons.
great points–the 1st time you “accept” your attraction and cum w/ another man……maybe
As a BI male there are two kinds of virginity — I lost my ORAL virginity when I was only about 13 and an older friend seduced me into “kissing” his cock…. I was too young to know how to suck it.
I lost my ANAL virginity only this year, at 73 years of age.
73? Wow . . . I’m impressed. Good for you!
I lost my anal virginity at an adult bookstore video booth. I was so hot to try some guy, any guy, in my ass….and it felt soooo good…..The next day I went back and did it again…..
Well it depends how you look at it. Unlike with a girl who has a physical form :the coveted membrane at the opening of the uterus many a dude (mainly str8) strive to be the first to break (“popping the cherry”). Making the famous bled on stain left on the bedsheets of newly weds the morning after -confirming the consummation of the marriage- (maybe seen by lucky passion-struck maids of rich households before putting them to wash or few nosy motherinlaws hoping to catch a peek of it while the couples’ long enough away from the room before the beds’ changed–oh jeeeze!). Anyway so with a guy it’s a little different,it’s more conscience and mental up in his head, rather than physical. I’ve heard before even if it’s gay it’s still sex, the body and mind have experienced the sensations of going to bed with someone whether opposite or same sex. So you sort of do “shed” something a piece of innocence. Remember guys, back then before you did “it” how having that curiousity felt like wondering what it might be like and anxious to get to experiment with somebody to find out what it’s like? Sometimes it could about drove you nuts? And when you finally got to how awesome it was? But then those powerful feelings weren’t there anymore and wasn’t quite as easy to ram up them the same way and maybe had to be creative to make it similar to that first time? It may be true like the old saying goes “Ignorance is Bliss”. May explain why rushing into it or doing it too young is discouraged , that “passage” should be special.
Sex…..that was easy.
For me it will be when I finally take a dick all the way in my ass. I’ve been enjoying a dildo but now I need the real thing. I suppose I do consider sucking my first dick to be the moment I was officially gay…best moment ever!!!
I’d say if you’re a bottom, the first time you were penetrated. If you’re a top, the first time you penetrated someone. If you’re verse, either.
I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23, which was the first time someone penetrated me. I am a bottom, I always knew I was, and even though I experimented with a female as a teenager (finger her pussy, I couldn’t get hard enough to fuck her, which is NOT an issue when I’m with a man LOL), nothing ever convinced me otherwise.
I lost my virginity at 19.met a guy at online chat we talked for about month so we cut through all the red tap of questions and small talk befor hooking up.he was a good looking average build 6ft blonde white guy 39 with an 8inch dick.it was late evening chat online and “hey lets meet tonight” and if we click let fuck”.so I went free ball and wore some spandex shorts just to wear something tempting and revealing then a tshirt. we met he like the shorts very big hit to him,so hormones where going fast and both our dicks hard.glad this guy had an blacked out tinted suv..man was my hole destroyed ! I couldn’t close my cheeks if I tried.
Have to say, I don’t value or devalue gay virginity. Of course, I haven’t come across very much of it (if any) recently. For myself, it wasn’t something I lost, but something that was taken away forcibly, but it wouldn’t have been long before it was offered freely.
The very first time a person wilfully engages in or derives pleasure from ANY sexual activity with another individual they are no longer a virgin, untouched, inexperienced, pristine. (Molestation and rape are another topic.) By the time they get to intercourse, penetration, orgasm, ejaculation, oral, etc. their V ship has sailed.
I lost my oral virginity at 13 when I sucked my first cock and my anal virginity when I fucked my first guy at age 24.
I would say by having penetrative sex with Male or Female.
Can you lose your anal virginity to a sex toy or does it have to be with a man? I ask because I’m sure I’m not the only one who experimented with toys before letting a man fuck me.
I think it is different for ‘us’ any time you “nut” because of physical contact with someone to me is a kind of lost innocence or virginity, now “going all the way” is definitely losing your virginity. I applaud anyone these days who can hold-off until you have a better sense of yourself….
I was 12 with a big dick and wanted to see what it could do. So I fucked two friends the same day (one male one female) and checked it off the list. Both were unceremonious bam-bam-shoot kinds of sex. By 14 it was known I’d fuck anyone (male or female) anytime. Girls wanted to fuck me so they could say they’d taken a big dick. Males did likewise.
I was 18. Fresh out of bootcamp.
Straight, still with my high school girlfriend.
I was at a disco bar drinking a beer. When a tall, brawny, hairy, and totally HOT 40 year old construction worker asked if I wanted to smoke a joint outside.
Oh hell yeah lets go.
While smoking he said he had a friend who would give me an ounce of pot if I let him suck my cock. (In 1975 that was $20.)
Sounded good to me weed and a blowjob.
Turned out it was him all along.
We went to a vacant rental house of his. Story short. I topped him three different ways. Lost my virginity. Got a bag of weed. And sucked my first cock.
Does that count?
I didn’t bottom until I was 55.
I don’t know what is more discouraging, that so many of these stories recount what is legally and morally the rape of a minor, or that so many people find those stories “hot”
Morally “rape”? So to Bible believers does that mean God raped the “virgin” Mary at 16? Morals are man made constructs that the Majority of Nature does not abide by..ever seen random animals Fuck? Is that rape? Humans are animals…Religion has made sex and ages a control issue.
“Legal Rape”..depends on the man made Laws of man made Nations.. when I was born in the USA marriage to a 10 year old and sex with her was LEGAL in many states..not immoral or illegal until the 1970’s.
I started having Sex at age 7, no regrets,was not unwilling, and I am so very glad I did that. Simple. I am NOT Religious and I am an Animal..
I sucked a 15 year old’s cock when I was 23, served 15 years in prison, and I am on parole for life. (54 now), and no I didn’t force him. He told his parents when he got caught playing with someone younger than him.
Be careful and just don’t do it.
I think you have to have intercourse to loose your virginity. I lost mine at 19 with a 16 year old young man. He was quite experienced since he lost his virginity at a much younger age, 14.
Hope it is not bottoming because it means at 70 I still haven’t. Think passionate kissing a man should be a big part of definition.
Personally, I am NOT into virgins…I appreciate a male with experience,or a female with experience.
Many hot stories. For the guys that were under 18 or 16 when an older neighbor or friend did you they took a great risk. I think most states the age of consent is 16 but some are older and a few younger. I have never touched any of the under 18 year olds cause I do not want to be in prison.
I actually don’t think “virginity” is a male concept. Full stop. “Virgins” are females who have not had their vaginas penetrated by a penis, which usually means their hymen is still intact if congenitally they actually had one. Virginity is obviously valued so that a man doesn’t unknowingly marry a woman who is already pregnant, thus leaving him unwittingly to be raising another man’s child (and starting a marriage presumably on a lie, assuming the woman didn’t disclose her prior sexual activity and non-virginity). Now, as we all know, men don’t have hymens or vaginas nor do they become pregnant. Full stop. Thus, any references to “virginity” in a male is by its very definition a flawed analogous reference borrowed from the women’s world. I strongly suspect that this switch-over occurred culturally with the rise of the feminist movement in the 1960s when the women first started suggesting that they were the same as men; therefore, men had to be virgins, too, and lose it (BTW folks, it is “lose” with one “o”. “Loose” is a separate and different word meaning “to make un-tight”.) I do not recall ever hearing of virginity in the context of men until the 1970s or later. Finally, as many have already pointed out, what constitutes a male “losing his virginity” is a very fluid concept with no unitary agreed-upon definition, which is not at all surprising since it only works as a vaginal-hymenesque concept.
I started sucking on my 21yr old uncles dick when I was 8… he would never fuck me though… but when I was 15 he had me suck his friend and the friend fucked me good till I was in my 20’s
When I lost my cherry, as long as I did not get fucked, I was not gay. then when “Tom” finally slipped his 8+ very nice size cock into my ass, no pain, just a feeling of excitement. Another friend of ours was the first for me to fuck, 2nd pump I was shooting. My cock stayed hard and we kept fucking. Both had cocks about the same size, the first 2 I played with. When “Tom” fucked me, He laid me on my stomach, brought my right knew up toward my chest, slipped his cock into my ass, no pain, just pleasure. “Tom” went home, and phone our friend to tell him I had been fucked. So the next time I was with our friend, positioned myself the same way, and his hard cock slipped in without no pain. So after I was fucked, then I had to own that I was gay. I was gay all along, born that way. just did not know how to define it.
You lose your virginity the first time you have an orgasm (for whatever reason) caused by another person (male or female).
I was 13 years old and I met this hot Puerto Rican at a bus stop in Elizabeth. He said he wanted to teach me something. He took me for a walk by some train tracks into some woods, there was a mattress on the ground, he laid down on his back and I on top him, he kissed me and rubbed ass then he flipped me over and stuck it in my hole. Fucked me till he came inside me. It was the best thing ever.
The “male virginity” concept is fundamentally an oxymoron. Men do NOT have hymens covering vaginas; therefore, “losing one’s virginity” is a biological impossibility in any reasonable or scientific sense for a man. Therefore, even as a women’s virginity is prized for as not pregnant with another man’s child when getting married to her groom, thus lumbering him to raise another man’s child, a man without sexual experience culturally is considered “inexperienced”—a negative— and as such is attacked with a feminine noun to derogate his state of inexperience, i.e., a “virgin.” So, dispensing with the concept of vagina-usage on men, the question really is “when is a man sexually experienced?” Well, the answer to that obviously has many possibilities and no single “right” answer. It is certainly misandrous to define it as the first time one fucks or is fucked, penis to anus, as this harkens back to the vagina issue, clearly connecting the male anus to the female vagina, a biological nonsense. The answer, untidy as it may be, is that males become sexually experienced when they for the FIRST TIME engage in significant touching sexual activity with another person, male or female. (Note bene: the pre-WWW USENET alt.gay.sex.stories.moderated site had collections of stories grouped as “First Time”, not as “Losing your virginity.”)
I technically lost it at age 14 when I was asked by a 30 y.o. man I met in the park to come home with him and fuck him. I did. I never saw him again. After that I gave blowjos to straight guys for a few years and then was celibate from age 17 to 50. I knew i was gay but I had no gay friends, did not participate in any exclusively gay activities. So when I turned 50 I decided to force the issue. I hired an escort. He was am amazing person – said he was an empath, who knows? – who basically figured out what was missing and that night he penetrated me. He told me that I was a sexy man and I could continue to hire escorts if I wanted but it wasn’t by any means necessary. Who knew? I didn’t. That was 5 years ago. I now enjoy an active sex life. Although it doesn’t fit any of the definitions I have ever heard, I consider that might five years ago as the night I lost my virginity,
There’s probably a dictionary or google definition, but let’s face it: losing it is however YOU choose to define it. I define it as any sort of sexual contact with another person, whether that includes fucking or not. I was fortunate in that my first time, at age 18, I was with a guy who first taught me how to lay alongside one another in a 69 (and inhaling his big cock while he was pleasuring mine was losing it right there as far as I’m concerned), then I laid down in his bed, face down, legs spread, he lubed my ass and fucked me. Then I turned him over and lubed his ass and fucked him back. That was 40 years ago and I still remember every moment of it. Now that’s losing one’s virginity!
well I wasn’t as lucky as some of you I was in my 40ty when I lost mine to a man I had a lot of feeling about being with a man just didn’t know how to go about meeting someone . but I was living in fl and they had a deal in the paper I could place an ad and if someone wanted to leave me a message they charge him to leave one . well I got lucky and had several messages . I listen to all of them and weeded out the one’s that I wasn’t interested in . the first one I call sounder nice so we plan on meeting where he work . I went to meet him we talk for a while then he ask if I wanted to go to his place so I said yes . got to his place we sit on the couch he was rubbing me so I slowly put may hand on his dick . he ask if I wanted him to pull it out I said yes it was a nice 8 inch dick hard as a rock . he took my clothes off me and then his . but then he ask what all I want to try I said everything .he had me sucking his dick was the first for that . he suck mine too . he said do you want to go to bed . I said oy yes with a big smile on my face . he led me to his bed lay me down and what he did with his tongue what so hot had me climbing the wall . when he was ready he got me so wet and then started sliding his dick in me . I never knew having a man do this with me would feel this good I knew then that it not going to be my last . I was lucky I pick the right guy to be my first . I never regret doing it with a man ever when ever I get to have sex I lose mine at 42 year of age