Sexuality : Stealthing, Why is it Dangerous?
Have you ever been stealthed?
Yes? No? Not familiar with the word? Well, stealthing is when your sex partner removed the condom he had promised to wear so he could cum inside you without your knowledge and consent.
It is a clear breach of trust. The act, however, goes beyond the matter of breaking promises and bounds (although of course there is that and we are not discounting it); it is a dangerous act that could put your health at risk with diseases such as gonorrhea, chlamydia, syphilis, HIV/AIDS among others.
What’s alarming is the growing trend of this practice. And you might be surprised to know that stealthing happens not just to women but to gay men as well.
According to the study published in Columbia Journal of Gender and Law conducted by Alexandra Brodsky titled ‘Rape-Adjacent’: Imagining Legal Responses to Nonconsensual Condom Removal, stealthing is both considered as a form of assault and a gender-based violence. But the paper said stealthing may “more likely be prosecuted, if at all, as a sexual misdemeanor rather than a felony.” In any case, victims can find help in tort law. Tort is defined by Cornell University Law School as “an act or omission that gives rise to injury or harm to another and amounts to a civil wrong for which courts impose liability. In the context of torts, “injury” describes the invasion of any legal right, whereas “harm” describes a loss or detriment in fact that an individual suffers.”
Whether or not stealthing has happened to you, Ms. Brodsky’s study makes for an interesting read so we hope that you do (read it), at the very least we learned something new. At most, we get to equip ourselves with the knowledge that could help us should we ever find ourselves or our loved one a victim of stealthing.
The man interviewed in this article said he experienced stealthing several times; that it also happened to his friends only they had no idea the practice had a name. That it had been around for several years now.
Thoughts? Have your own stories to tell? Please share it with us in the comments section below.
Stealthing is very real, guys. Let’s be vigilant. Let’s spread the word about it because awareness is key in fighting this disturbing practice.
Keep safe always!
I know a guy that stealthed another guy and when the bottom found out, Mr. Stealth got the beating of his life. Stealthing is dishonest.
This has happened to me; it was when I first started to have sex, and I was very naive to how cold-hearted and self-focused guys could be. I wasn’t really sure how to feel about it. It didn’t quite fit the standard of rape in my head, however I did feel like my power to choose what was happening with my body was taken away from me. Every HIV test I took for a year after I had a huge pit in my stomach knowing what had happened.
It’s not like you can really feel the difference with or without a condom until after the guy cums… I did learn to make sure every time since that when a guy has pulled out to reach back, and feel that he’s gone back in with the condom still on.
SMH.
Dangerous, irresponsible and disrespectful nonsense!!!!
I remember I had a guy who thought I’d removed the condom on him. Still scratching my head over why he thought I had done it.
Also, as I told him, if you thought I had took the rubber off without your consent, then why are you not fighting me? I would.
But I’m not surprised. It’s a dangerous, risky gay sex world out there. I promise that every week a guy approaches me online for rare sex.
Huh? So, just like that? You’re willing to have rare sex with a complete stranger in this day and age?
Tbh I know it’s wrong but it’s so hot to me. I fantasize about being stealthed.
IT , you are sick in the head. Just go bareback from the start.
Yeah, me too but it’s a fantasy. Who in their right mind would want to get knocked up with HIV?
JT, that is part of a *negotiated scene,” not an acceptable random occurrence. I have been stealthed, and I ended the encounter then and there, and the guy is lucky I just did. It wasn’t the first time, either, and it should *never* happen without contractual agreement. Kink is cool, as long as you know the limits and the rules.
I also think it’s super hot maybe cause I’m young and dumb. But if your not on PreP when that’s 98% in stopping infection, and a way better insurance policy than a rubber that be taken off, tear, or have holes poked in it.
In most places, I imagine it is a criminal act, if it results in the spread of disease.
Let’s be realistic . Having sex and coming inside you is realisticly SAFE in the sence that there is over a 1000 times more Pathogens or any other form of infectious diseases in ((. PRE CUM )) than there is in actual sperm . Although once an organzam is reached and ejaculation takes place semen is ejected from the reproduction organ into the delivery organ ( the penis urethra) thus is when cum becomes for the ending factor as contaminated as the precum it washes up in the orgazam .
So is it a crime only after one position the actual act of coming in you ? Or is it with in legal boundaries to position as much Precum as long as one does not Cum . Am I being ignorant as the individuals that believe that cum is a higher risk factor of removing ,wearing a condom , that might be removed , might brake or simply isn’t available to be removed because the ( EVIL ) ignorance as Socrates would tell it is just that , ignorance and the evil is in not having the knolwledge to be as he would say it as well ( Onky 1 Good ** Knowledge ) so be real and educate one and those around you as more of an advocate a mentor as many other like my self a Consequentialist Advocate and mentor .
Sadly this is how I became infected
I’m a top. I’d never remove my condom. I was with a guy once and he was riding my cock and reached back to *stroke* me a bit before lining up with his hole. Without me realizing it he’d removed the condom then sat on me. As soon as my cock went in I knew what happened. I confronted him and he acted like it was no big deal. I got dressed and left with him cussing me the whole time.
Dylan,
I haven’t had it happen to me BUT…I know this is a growing trend with “consent”. I’ve recnently been with two guys about a month apeart and just like every chat on Adam seems to go you get the “what are you into” line. So I listed mine and he listed his. Typical stuff “I like kissing, giving head, getting rimmed, getting fucked (stealth). I originally thought it meant I should rimm him and keep rimming him as I stand and slide my cock into him. Kind like “stealth mode”. Figuring he didn’t want to know when he was gonna revceive my cock. Well thats how it went down. He asked me how come I didn’t slip off the condom? I was confused. Then he explained to me. He wanted to be fucked whilest I wore a condom and whith out him knowing I was to pull it off and BB him and he wouldn’t know I had done so. A month later…same thing. Well this time I know he wanted bb. So I wasted a condom, began fucking for a while and then threw it on the floor behind me and kept fucking him (stealth mode with prior consent). He never knew when I took it off. When he saw the empty condom he gave me that smile (“oh yeah!”). I can see how this would be a HUGE turn on for guys. Waiting on the first guy to call me back.
I had a guy do that to me once. I got picked up at the bar so we decided to have at it. We were in the back of the car about to go at it and I handed him the condom. There was no mistaking I intended for him to put it on as we’d talked about safe sex prior. I got fucked nicely and we parted. The next morning I found the unused condom on the back floorboard. I spent the whole day looking for him with the intention of killing him on sight. Lucky for him I never found him that day or since. I haven’t had that happen since and it was about 12 years ago but my reaction would be the same if it happened today. I can unload lots of hate on somebody who would do me so wrong. It’s tantamount to aggravated assault and if he’s POZ I’ll look at it as attempted murder if I don’t get HIV and as murder if I do. Some folks just need killing. Stealthers fall into that category.
Dave,
Thank you for the PSA regarding stealthing. This is such risky behavior, with detrimental injurious results inflicted upon another individual.
This is a wake-up call to everyone, gay, straight, bi-sexual, top, bottom etc.
Everyone must be vigilant now, while having sexual encounters, to ensure they don’t fall preyed upon this deleterious behavior.
Be vigilant fellas.
not to mention HPV…can and does cause rectal cancer…been there done that!!!! and it’s NOT a pretty thing to go through.
I suggest an article on gays and HPV.
Thanks
Seems to me once the condom is removed without the bottoms consent it becomes Rape.
Fortunately, that has never happened to me. For a very long time, I only had sex in committed relationships because I thought it would lessen the change of guys doing shit like that if they cared about me somewhat.
When I grew older and relationships and sex got more complicated, I made sure to only have sex with guys who were just as paranoid about STIs as I am. I’m not sure how I would react to being stealthed. I might end up in jail afterwards though.
I agree with the moral majority it is a cruel deception that shows how inhumane man has become, not only to other animals and our planet but towards ourselves. It’s not necessary to be that deceptive because there are so many who embrace raw sex some exclusively…find us. The “down-low” some “straight” or “bi” guys are into where they engage in raw sex with gays but are married to women who are unaware and unknowingly infected with STD’s they get from their evil husbands is just as bad in my opinion. What happens between two, or more, consenting adults is one thing but let’s remember the key word is “consenting”. To put it in perspective, we live in a world where most would rather see two men kill each other rather than love each other so as distasteful as it is, it doesn’t surprise me.
No matter to me. I only get fucked bare and expect the top to cum in me. Cum whore for dayz
Yes! I’ll breed you.
Does this legal analysis apply to those who knowingly expose their sexual partners to STIs without informing them first?
This is why monogamous relationships are the best… Why get stealthed when you just trust your partner and enjoy the creampie…
But play we must, even if pay with our lives…
Stealthing – no… But I hooked up with someone once who was a little bit of a known personality. We went to my place and we started with condoms and it broke (which is rare for me). I was topping and we were both aware and I didn’t have another and we both just kept going.
Driving him home in the morning I thought to ask (super rare that I wouldn’t have asked before hand also – not my best moment) “the question” and I recall sitting at this traffic light as he said “yeah, I should have let you know I’m poz…”
I didn’t blame him because we were both responsible – but I do feel he should have said it before. Especially since we DID start out safe (his poz status wouldn’t have bothered me with a condom on my cock). He could have told me when it broke and given me a chance to decide if I wanted to continue.
Still I didn’t ask my usual questions so it was 50/50 to me I guess. Okay, maybe 60/40 but whatever.
But stealthing someone on purpose? No.
stealthing is rape, in my opinion.
Consensual Bare backing is hot, stealthing is not
what’s rare sex? is that the opposite of well done sex?
I caught that too, but a glad someone pointed that out. I am sure he meant raw sex but doesn’t know how to spell.
If someone did it to me, they would be hard pressed to do it again as I’d actively and determinedly try to detach their penis from their body.
My experience was back in early days in a bath house.. I was a young white think… this huge gorgeous black guy zeroed in on me… he had me on my knees,.. the room door was open… he slipped on a condom and slid into me… it was fabulous…. he slowly fucked me deep and gently… at some point, he stopped, pulled out and flipped me on my back… he reentered me, I checked the condom… it was there… then he started to seriously fuck me… power fucking me… eventually he came in me very loudly…
As his cock went limp and slipped out of me I felt for the condom…. it was gone…
I immediately checked the bed, the floor… nothing….
It was inside me… he apologized and promptly left the room … so there I was left and the onlookers staring at me… they heard and saw everything…
Eventually a guy stepped up and offered to help… he raised my legs and began probing me searching for the lost condom. He eventually found it and pulled it out…
It was mt….. and I was full of cum…
I don’t know if that’s when I was pozzed but it’s likely
LMAO. You are funny!
I’ve partially stealthed a few guys in the past, meaning that I took off the rubber but when it was time to cum, I pulled out and acted like I was taking off the condom and shot on his back.
It seems raw sex is making a comeback, and I’m not into it at all. I’ve had 3 friends contact hiv from someone they trusted, and it has put me on high alert. I had a guy over just last week, we got into it, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer about raw sex. I though he had a condom on until a few thrusts….no he was raw. I jumped up and threw him out before he could get his pants on. RESPECT BOUNDARIES PEOPLE!
Hmmm. Not a good thing that, but have topped and continued to fuck knowing that my condom tore apart while fucking. Am neg, but when doing that I did pull out before cumming.
Still neg and have been a bb bottom. Using pREp nowadays but not getting laid.
This the stupidest shit I ever heard! I’ve been poz 38 ys’ from gang rape’ I disclose every time’ I also’ consider ” You!” and everyone else poz too. Hep C’ HPV’ Herpes’ Syphilis’ the fucking drip’ etc. List goes on’
Sexual encounters: Safety is key in all situations.
well said!
It happen to me on my vacation in NYC meet this guy at my hotel and I saw when he put on the condom, when he ejaculate I saw it as no problem because I knew he had on a condom, but when I was checking out the hotel I checked under the bed as I usually do to make sure I left no shoes behind, I saw the condom.
This happened to me a few years ago when I didn’t know what it was called. I met a very nice guy in which we talked and expressed that condoms would be used, as was my normal practice. He agreed. I saw him put it on and everything was fine. At some point he pulled out and then went back in. For some reason, I decided to reach back to feel his cock and was surprised not find the condom. We stopped and I left immediately. I felt disappointed that he would be deceptive. But I realized that the pleasure was all about him and no regards to me. I think anyone who chooses to stealth is selfish and puts someone at risk. Ultimately, it taught me to really know who I am with before jumping into bed. And even then be on guard! People are foolish to minimize this, like its just part of the game. If you invited a friend into your house and he stole something from you, you wouldn’t think “well, this is just part of having a house.” You would see it as an insult and a crime. Just because you let them in the door, doesn’t mean they have the right to take something from you.
About 12 years ago, a guy I met online came over to my place and we made out for awhile before deciding to have sex. I gave him a condom and thought he put it on, but after he left, I noticed the unopened condom under the blanket. I was so angry and felt sick to my stomach for months thinking about it. Fortunately, I didn’t contract anything from him.
Ok, it seems people are being reactionary about “stealthing” meaning we are not looking at the possible causal factors for this behavior, especially with the bareback/raw sex scenes making it easier than ever to have sex without condoms than ever before, my belief is that the stigma from the 1970s-1990s are still here, that sex=death, and that poz people are “dirty” and neg people are “clean” that bareback sex is evil and condom sex is good. Not making excuses for stealthing, I believe it is a dysfunctional, self centered cowardly act, something little boys who shouldn’t be having adult sex would do, when you can find a cum dump bottom a few feet from you
Men, we’re pigs!
Daniel, you speak for yourself, man! Myself-a minority again; all of us are not pigs! I’ve only bottomed twice in my life with anal-sex, way-back when I first came out in 80-81′. , since then, never again, neither time did ‘we’ use protection. We were just hearing of HIV/AIDS back then, I never bottomed again! “The human body is a play-ground” it has been said. I think if someone did that to me, I’d beat his ass into a [email protected]#king coma, its so evil of someone to do that. I’ve got trust issues anyway, now you see why, typically, guys are just way too damn selfish and non-thinking, stupid and devious.
Well this time it happened to me. I was hooking up with this latino I just met (sooooo cute). We had been going at it for guide some time. I was fucking him as he was ass up face down and I was wearing a condom (I love to bb, he insisted on the condom but I will do both depending on my partners wishes). he was laying on top of me both of us rock solid, making out he puts a condom on me and begins to ride me. I have my hands behind my head, eyes closed back arched and he is doing his Roy Rogers imitation of riding trigger. it slipped out of his ass. He got right back in the saddle. It slipped out again (I’m only 7″) and he got back on. I kept fucking him and he was riding faster. He was stroking his cock and blew his load all over my chest. I then kept him riding and grabbed him tight. Blew my load into him. As we were about to get off the bed I see two condoms on the floor both empty. Look down at my cock and nothing was there. I asked,”wtf?” He said,”yeah sorry I just wanted you inside me. Felt awesome.” I was kinda pissed he did that but like I said I’m no stranger to barebacking. I did feel kinda used and manulipated that he did that having been so insistent on using protection. It was all part of the plan from the beginning.
So many guys say they only play safe but when you get together they say “i’m clean you are” and make a move. That’s where i stop. Why lie about it? Just say you want bb and there are guys out there that want it. It’s happened to me but thankfully never blew their load inside me. Thankfully I never contracted anything. All I’m saying is just be honest about what you want.
I am a top and fucked alot of men bareback over the years,I am thxful I never caught nothing an I mean nothing,I stopped fuck ass an started sucking cock,all of u need to do that!
I would say watch out for guys who also want you to cum inside them. When you say you are into safe sex, they will say they got a rubber. They sabotage the condom, creating some deniability for their intent, and fit it on you. Only once the deed is done will you notice the problem. That is why it is a good idea to be involved with fitting and checking the condom and not relying solely on the other partner for this.
I checked into a hotel room and posted a cl ad for guys to come use my holes… I had condoms and lube on the night stand… which was part of the ad…. a straight married big black muscle guy emailed wanting to use me so I gave him my room number,,, when he came in I was face down ass up as he requested me to be… I saw him pick up condom I figured he was putting it on… he fucked me so good … when he finally came he flooded my guts with his cum… he pulled out and stuck his dick in my mouth and told me to clean it…the rest of the night guys used his cum for lube…
Some guys get off on doing this. I am mostly a top, and prefer to bareback as a top. Well, to flip the script, bottoms have actually taken my condom off because they said I wasn’t hard enough or they want to feel the real thing…this has happened several times to me… I didn’t protest. But at the end of the day, I respect your wishes. If I prefer to bareback in the moment, I’ll ask you… the answer is either yes or no!