Dating: Better Ways to Chat on Gay Apps

Whether you think it’s been a boon or bane to the dating scene, the fact of the matter is that social media and dating apps like Adam4Adam have become an inexorable part of how you get laid or get into a relationship in this day and age.

But while technology may have made moving things along quicker and easier, some thing remain the same — such as how they way you start a conversation can make or break your plans, whatever they may be. Just saying “hey” or “sex?” isn’t just going to cut it anymore.

Because we don’t want you to spend Valentine’s Day alone — it’s coming in a few weeks! — here’s some helpful suggestions on how to have an online conversation with that person you fancy.

1. If you’re just looking to get laid, add a photo. It’s become almost a maxim now: “You don’t go on (insert dating app here) to be in a relationship.” And there’s nothing wrong with that! But maybe don’t just start with “hey” or “sex?” or “looking?” By this time, you know you’re going to be asked for a photo. Be proactive and send one right off. And don’t send a dick pic unless it’s asked!

2. If you want to hook up with the same guy again, remind them how good it was the last time.  If you’re aiming for a second hook-up, don’t be so cocky as to think that the guy’s just going to come running back to you as soon as you hit them with “hey”. Tack on something else to that “hey”, like “Last night was really great. If you ever wanna hook up again, feel free to message me.”

3. If you’re looking for a relationship, don’t make the other guy feel like a piece of meat. Let’s come clean about this — most of the time you only send “hey” because you’re mass-messaging a dozen other guys. If you’re messaging that many guys maybe you’re not looking for a relationship, but if you sincerely are, “hey” isn’t going to cut it. If you can see their Facebook or Instagram account, their photos will probably tell you what they’re into. Ask them about that!

4. If you’re the one being messaged, don’t be a jerk. It may seem low-risk, but for someone with social anxiety or someone who’s just really shy, just sending that message online can take a lot of courage and effort. You don’t have to say “yes” to each and every one, but you can choose to let them down gently rather than being bitchy or just ignoring them.

5. No means no. If you’ve been rejected, accept that loss and move one. Peppering the guy with even more messages isn’t exactly leaving the best impression. There are other fish in the sea, so the saying goes, and the right one may just be somewhere else. After all, people have met their husbands on Adam4Adam, so who says you can’t meet yours too?

To those who’ve found success meeting people online, any other tips you can give? What conversation starter has always worked for you when you’re striking up a conversation on social media? Share it in the comments below!

There are 12 comments

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  1. kevin brown

    i am kevin i am from barrie 705-881-1919 i am bare naked i be home at 2;00 pm yes you can suck my dick yes you can fuck my ass cum in my ass yes you can spank my bare bum yes you can eat my bare bum i love to watch gay porn bare naked i go to bed bare naked my dick is 8 inch my bare bum hole is open for you

  2. blckdaddy4twink

    Have a filled out profile telling people what it is that you’re looking for. Also, regardless of your racial preference. DO NOT put such asanine nonsesne in it like “whites only, black only” etc. Even if someone found you attractive. Most wont after reading that and just pass you by. Also, dont ask to see a persons dirty pics in the first msg. Really, stop being so thirsty and transparent. Stick to your guns. If you’re after something real than dont divert. Theres always someone that instantly makes us hot. Read thier profile and if all they want is nsa fun, then leave them be.
    I met my bf online by doing this. We’re very happy and finally someone i can connect with for more than an hour at a time.
    The problem isnt with the apps. Its with us and how we’ve lost respect for each other in our quest for the next best orgasm. Use the apps for whatever you desire but if you’re truly after something real then you need to change the way you use them.

  3. tightass4cocks69

    My suggestion is, don’t use your profile to rant or bitch. No one finds it cool. Also, take the time to actually spell out all of the words. Lazy is never sexy. Also, be nice to people. It costs you nothing. If you only put “just looking”, expect most people to hit the back button

  4. Luigi Nonono

    Maybe your headline should have read, Better Ways to Cheat, because half the guys on apps seem to already be in relationships!

  5. gaymagine

    Thank you for posting this! Unfortunately, I think the ones that need to see it are not going to read it, which is really extra unfortunate. In my local community, I have it very appropriately stated that I am not seeking sex, and unfortunately, I have yet to receive a message from someone interested in me in a “non-meat” way. And reaching out to guys goes to the comment with the social anxiety. It’s gotten so bad, that I’m on the verge of believing the gay community only wants to get their dicks wet and we can’t arise to anything more… or at least (locally), the ones that were willing to are all in a relationship right now. Here’s to waiting for breakups? How can that be the right answer………

  6. einathens

    if you demand a facepic for chat and you don’t have one yourself, you’re a hypocrite.

    if you’re not interested, say ‘no, thanks.’ karma is a bitch.

    if you have a long list of musts just for chatting, you’re gonna end up talking to yourself.

    if your profile text includes ‘thanks in advance for the smiles/woofs/oinks,’ you might think you’re being polite, but you’re being egotistical.

    if you have to tell people how hot, classy, or vgl you are, you’re not.

    complaining in your hookup app profile about not being able to find a serious relationship is like complaining that you can’t find a backbrace at Victoria’s Secret.

    if you want a real relationship, step away from the screen and out into the real world.

  7. playsb

    What I don’t understand is the hostility that some people have to starting a conversation with “Hi” or “Hey.” That’s what I’d say to someone I haven’t met before irl, so I’m not sure why it grates at so many people for online interaction. Sure, “Hi” and “Hey” back and forth beyond a couple messages is sort of pointless (I have had someone say “Hi” to me, I’ve responded with “Hi,” and then they say “Hi’ back again — huh?), but as a means of first contact that seems perfectly fine to me. Can someone explain why so many people are put off by this?

    • TheFitGamer

      Personally, I feel like all one word messages (hi, hey, sup, OK, cool, etc) wreak of a lack of effort.
      To me, a lone “Hey” or “Hi” is something you say to someone in passing when you typically no intention of stopping. If you want to talk, you write/say something meatie that you can respond to without just repeating what you heard, like “Hey, how’s it going/how was your weekend/etc?”, “I’m new to the area, how do you like it here?”, and t other open ended questions/statements that foster conversation.

  8. L4S

    It boggles my mind that people get on a computer and just lose their freaking minds. Things that they would never say or do in public they do on a computer. I look at this site as if it is a catalog of men. Sometimes I am just browsing. (Where else can one safely gawk at real-life everyday men?) Sometimes I am looking for specifics. (That’s why liars piss me off. All I want is truth in advertising.)

    1) Stop with the “This is a sex site.”, “This isn’t eHarmony” or any kind of directive about one’s search. Friendship, Relationship, Love, Dating, Chat and Networking are on the list of choices for this site; so, stop telling people for what they should be looking or where. That includes you too, Dave! I go to the supermarket for groceries but if I pick up a dude while I’m there . . . Good for me, that’s my business! There is no rule on this site that says that anyone HAS TO have sex with anyone. So stupid “maxims” like the aforementioned one are unnecessary.

    2) Be polite for no reason at all and at all times UNLESS it is necessary not to be. If you are a racist (Really, a 8″ black, brown, red, white or yellow dick all feel the same in your mouth or butt and vice versa. It’s the person’s culture that you are blanketly rejecting.), a position-ist, vertical-ist, body weight-ist or have any other prejudices mentioned in your profile, then delete your trace if you checked out or contacted a guy who doesn’t fit your standard. No one wants to look at a profile from someone who rejected him.

    3) How you approach a guy makes a difference. Be direct and get to the point of why you made contact a-k-a your intent.

    4) One never knows who he may meet and the impact that guy can have on his life. You could be looking for a hook-up and find a business partner and the opposite could be true. Why can a joke or a compliment be shared just for the sake of it? This site should be a space to meet like-minded men, not rigid rules.

    • Dave

      L4S I’m the one who says that A4A IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. Some will find love, friendship, sex, a husband…
      I dont see why you point me out here.

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