Speak Out : National Coming Out Day
(Photo : comingoutjournal)
I had it all planned out, when I was coming out of the closet, the song that I was going to use. I wanted to come out in 2000. I was turning 18 and would be out on my own by then.
But, as it would have it, things would not go as planned. I was already out at school, and the only openly gay guy in high school for my first three years. No one in my family knew, especially my mother. I was going to tell her by playing the song. “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls and then tell her.
But she and I had had a big argument a few months before and I had moved out and was living with some friends. I was 16 and still in high school. They were great and really helping me out and were even going to buy me a car.
So the day before Halloween, 1998 they overheard a phone conversation between me and my sister where I had told my sister that I was gay. They told me the next day that they didn’t want my kind there and told me I had 3 days to get out. I decided at the time that I would call my mother and tell her what was going on.
So she came to where I worked at the time, a local fast food restaurant and it was Halloween. I was dressed in a “Lost in Space” costume. I was determined to tell her there on the spot that I was gay, not knowing how well or bad she was going to take it.
But when the moment came, I couldn’t tell her. There she was, standing on the other side of the counter and I couldn’t say the 3 words, “I am gay.” I was even asking some of my co-workers to tell her but no one would.
So I finally said it. Her reaction was quick. She slammed her fist on the counter and walked out without saying a word. She later called me and we met at a local park and we talked about things and she let me move back in with the condition that I didn’t “bring the gay into her home.”
It wasn’t until we were leaving a restaurant one night and she took the bag with her leftovers and slung it over her shoulder and imitated how I waked that I knew that she was ok with it. Years later she has become my number one supporter and i wouldn’t change it for the world. My mom is now 75 and she has come a long way from where she was and where I thought she would be with supporting gay right and marriage equality. She has even rode in a float with me in a gay parade.
Coming out at the age of 16 in 1998 was a brave thing to do back then. Today is so much simpler with the acceptance that we have today thanks to shows like “Will & Grace” and “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” and the number of celebrities, musicians, and athletes that have come out of the closet.
My advice to anyone who is thinking of coming out, choose the family member or friend that you think will be the most supportive and talk to them. That way, they can help you talk to other friends/family members that might be harder to talk to.
I thought the best thing I could ever do was stay in the closet but now I live loud and proud and wouldn’t have it any other way.
Have a story to share?
Jason aka ncboy1982_ on A4A
Today on Facebook, my cousin told me that it was thanks to me and two other of my family members that she’s out and proud, I can’t describe the feeling I got when I read that today.
I hope guys and gals someday realize that what you do today will affect your life years from today.
Personally I see no reason to come out of any closet, the only thing that comes out my closet is clothes.
If for some who feels this makes you whole, it won’t” ask yourself ; what would be added to you by diving deeper into nothing”? What do I mean by nothing? The same stuff will go on that was going on while in the closet’ ; clubbing, having sex, and the likes””
Not one cubic will be added to your statue, and the older you get you will find out how lonely this life really is” don’t let the parties, and the sex fool you’ the fun ends quickly with nothing to show for it’ but some med’s to take”
I am thankful I caught myself before it got to that point.
The lifestyle is really not worth the problems it causes” but each person has to find this out for themselves””
I was out to everyone by 1993 except my mother. I was 21. In previous years, she freaked if I was even adjacent to a gay friend, so she kind of was freaked as I told her in stages about my life over a couple of months. “These are my friends…This is my friend and come see the house…This is OUR bed, where we sleep, and stuff.”
Mom was a gentle person with a firm fundamental background. Though her beliefs were not mine, I wanted to treat her feelings with compassion. After all, the entire world was victimized by homophobia – not just the gay people, but those who have been taught religiously and culturally that some sort of wrongdoing is in play.
For a long time she wondered if she did something to influence it. I explained, no. I have loved wonder woman since I was 5, I have always loved to play act(still today, I wear costumes rather than outfits)…But if it made her feel any better, I was still her son – to prove it, I told her that I was the top. She asked what that was and I told her it was kind of like being the big spoon(wink-wink). She never quite got that it wasn’t a choice for me. After a while, I told her that her saying that even though she disapproved of my being gay, she still loved me was not okay. I explained that out of all my mistakes, that being gay was not a mistake – it was the natural course for my life based on my internal attraction that is just as much my true north as being straight was her true north.
Later on in years, she softened even more when my sister divorced her husband and came out. I had already laid the groundwork, so it was easier for her. I don’t know if mom ever really understood, but it came to a point where she was only really interested in if I was happy. She always said she was staying around long enough to know I was okay. We had a really good talk where I told her that I was fine and had been for quite some time. It was a comfort to me that she was able to pass onto her next experience without the fear that somehow her loved ones would not make sure we are taken care of. She passed about four years ago. I cannot imagine having his a secret life from my family. I mean, I spared the intimate details, but I have had long term relationships and always brought them into my family environment.
God Bless you guy. Your story brought me to tears. Your mom is now in heaven looking over both you and your sister. You have a guardian angel, and she’ll be waiting with open arms, whenever you’re reunited on the other side.
May your mom Rest In Peace.
what I’ve been advising people for 20 years is to not come out until it will not put you in physical, emotional or financial danger.
get everything in order in your head and heart before you begin to share it with anyone else.
Ho hum.