A4A : Stats Matters…
(Photo : Raging Stallion – Save 75%)
Profiles are sometimes prepared on the basis that stats are telepathically known to surfers. In reality, members may begin their mornings with a cup of coffee while looking to see who opened their profiles during the overnight hours. They may also wonder why surfers did not send messages. So, let’s consider why your stats are important.
1) For every physical type, size and age there are surfers who could be interested in YOU among the thousands on-line members. (Surfers may be from 18 to seniors in their eighties—yes 80s!) Your on-line stats can encourage them to contact you.
2) If their profile is appealing, YOU should initiate action even when a surfer has not sent a message. A message not sent will not get a response.
3) Profiles of few words will often be ignored because they look spammy.
Your profile is a “menu” of who you are. It should contain your stats and other personal info so that a “waiter” is not required to interpret your menu to a prospective playmate. Consider what would improve your profile by what you have found missing in profiles you have read. Some of the stats and info missing may include the following:
- Your age and the age-range preferred for potential playmates.
- Your physical height, weight, waist and the physical stats of your ideal playmate. (Be careful with your numbers here because a waist of 29 inches will not be in sync with a weight of 300 lbs.) If you are looking for a specific body-type give the relevant info.
- Indicate whether you are looking for hookup or relationship.
- List some of your non-sexual interests.
- Give your availability for a first-time meeting.
- Indicate your oral and anal interests.
- State whether you are a top/bottom/versatile and what you are looking for in a playmate.
- Provide at least one face pic that can be opened by you under the “private” tab.
Members, how complete are your profiles that will encourage potential playmates to send messages to YOU?
To complete your profile, click here!
SexCounselor4U
There’s “complete” but there also “overkill” where the description comes off like a demanding list of “all or nothing” requirements or reads like an epic novel. The list provided above is great, but too long. I’d go for 70% of it and change out the other 30% from time to time to keep the profile alive.
For sure, the profiles that kill me say only:
“I just don’t know what to put here” OR
“If you have questions, ask. I”m an open book.”
Hey, if a guy can’t take the time to describe himself or doesn’t have a clue who he is, that’s a clear signal he’s going to be either a dead fish or an “it’s all about me” bed partner. No thanks. I move on.
Profiles without pictures are a “pass” as well. A face pick can be problematic for many guys. Either they’re sexuality is just not public knowledge or they’ve have their identity ripped off in the past so a face they may not want to post one. SOME pictures must be on the profile. Whether it’s of a chest or a good-looking flex or an ass cheek or a good torso shot, there should be something. Asses (especially “Holland Tunnel” holes) or cocks as the primary photo aren’t a favorite for me personally.
In the end, the profile is owned by the the member. He can put up whatever he wants. Some thought should be given about the overall message that’s being sent and what it says to surfers.
One thing I don’t get is when guys ask “what are you into” and my interests are listed in my profile. If trying to break the ice with initial small talk by asking me that question, its not going to work. That just comes across to me that you don’t have a brain or can’t read.
Also, if you have pics in your profile why not do a private face pic to unlock/lock when needed? You know you’re most likely going to be asked for one if potentially meeting up. If cautious about having your face pic out there, I think it is certainly safer to do that than to send a pic to a personal e-mail or text since you have more control over it.
My experience has been that half the guys on a4a locally either can’t read or just aren’t interested. I explicitly state my POZ HIV status in my profile but am constantly getting hits from guys who block me or ignore my response to their hits when they do finally look at the profile.
Read the profile before hitting on guys, people! Would save you both time and frustration! It’s also just common sense and respectful!
stats are pointless! dudes don’t bother reading period! doesn’t matter how much i put down on a profile i get asked the same questions! get real!
I feel that the list-of-rules profiles are a bore, and they create the impression that many (if not most) gay men are prissy, pompous, self-important and completely inflexible in their tastes and preferences. Some people are shy and don’t like to write about themselves; I can understand a sparse profile better than one that reads like a rule-book!
What annoys me is when a man’s first message is something like ‘hi’. Put some effort into it and I’ll put some effort into it. I also hate it when someone initiates contact and then can’t even come up with anything remotely meaningful to say.
If guys don’t state their HIV status and safe sex preference I will pass them by. The fewer stats provided makes me think they are hiding something.
I really don’t understand the no face photo thing.
Do these guys believe their straight friends/family/coworkers/employers/neighbors are trolling Gay dating sites looking to catch them? More likely if they’re here, they are looking around for themselves.
Paranoia isn’t a good state to live in.
Personally, if I can’t see someone’s face, it’s a deal-breaker… the look in someones eyes is as important as how big his dick is.
One stat I wish A4A put on the list page is position. As a bottom its so frustrating when a guy posts a hot pic of either a big dick or sexy body and I open the profile and hes a bottom too. And if you are a total bottom, don’t post a picture of your dick maybe? At least not for your main photo. I use a tasteful booty picture so tops can see the best side of me!!!
Sort of go back and forth with this. See a lot of validity to all the different comment thus far. Think stats are very important if what is being sought is a quickly arranged encounter based purely on an almost immediate physical attraction. But we are all human beings and the stats and pics cannot capture the depth of our personalities. If what is being sought is something deeper then stats are not quite as important. The attraction then is more about personality. Someone who is not my physical “type” might prove to be in that case the most satisfying of encounters.
What I don’t get are the people that have only locked pics or no pics at all. How is it fair that they can see me and decide they’re into me and I can’t see them and make the same decision for myself?
Mine is pretty straight forward, get a fair amount of respo ses, some because I’m on PrEP. Really surprised that some guys have no idea what that is. No reason for empty profiles or no pics. Not here for 20 questions. I’m not attracted to every guy on here & don’t expect everybody to be attracted to me. 2 things that I think are crazy are “discrete & expect the same” and “not into the scene” Nothing discrete about hook up sites. & finding guys & sex on the net is the new “scene” Much easier to find guys online than in tbe bars.
I don’t always need pictures but I do need accurate stats, some interests you have enough to ask a question, and upfront what you prefer in bed. Generally, it is a good, very good, idea to actually read the profile before one sends an email. That much being said, don’t be shocked if there is no reply or the person whose profile you just read has no idea what you are talking about. Why? They can’t remember it themselves because it is likely a lie or one of several profiles they have.
Stats are important, but you need to have a “personality” box (yes, maybe, or no). We judge too much on what someone looks like and while that may be fine for the under 30 crowd, I’m more interested in the whole package just not the one below their waist. I miss the days when chat rooms allowed people to “talk” to be able to make a decision if they wanted to hook up or not. These new forums are just a meat market and people wonder why gay men are so shallow.
Nothing turns me off faster than a gaping a-hole. Anyone who posts a picture like that apparently had their head up in there for too long. Why would anyone think any one would find it pleasant to view.
I assume people who only have Ass and Dick pictures probably are asses and dicks and have nothing else to offer.
and what gives with all these bottoms showing dick pics.
How about the idiots who message Unlock and they have no pictures public or private posted.
Unfortunately, it does not seem to matter what you put on your profile. As a black bottom, I’m constantly messaged by men seeking “bbc” despite what I post. It also seems as though the men that actually take the time to read your profile aren’t interested in you, though that may seem skewed because of the former sort of “surfers.”
In any case, there doesn’t seem to be any winning; You can have every type of picture under the sun and some absolutely blank profile will demand more pictures from you anyway.
Your ass or dick is not a face pic. Mine is a face pic and if you want to see mine that’s what you should have too. READ THE PROFILE. I’m totally into fems and transgenders, submissive doesn’t make you one of either. Relationship doesn’t mean we fucking as soon as we meet. Mean what you say in your profile, if you only want friends why does it matter about looks and all that other stuff? Lies get you caught and remember it’s some crazies out here who don’t take kindly to being made a fool of.
Such a classy topic. *yawn
When will the gay community, as a whole, grow up?
Many valid points have been raised. For the most part however I don’t care.
My age is listed. I don’t care about the age of my playmate. It is irrelevant.
My physical stats are posted. I do not care about the stats of my playmate. They are irrelevant.
I don’t know how much more crystal clear I can be that all I am looking for is a hookup.
I do have some of my non-sexual interests posted. However, whether or not my playmate and I share those interests doesn’t matter.
I prefer to share my availability for a meet after we start chatting for a bit.
The only thing that matters to me I have made very clear in my profile. I am a bottom and I am looking for a top to have sex with. Period. Sure, I make a small mention that I do a little oral, but if my playmate doesn’t want to top me I am not interested.
My profile only has pics of my ass for a reason. If my playmate isn’t interested in my ass, then we are not a match. I’ve had several guys that want to see a face pic. I kindly explain that while a dick in my face is cool, I would rather have it in my ass.
@Goredeck.
Well said. LOL.
Steve A. – you are unfortunately very wrong and extremely naïve concerning co-workers, neighbors, etc. that scan through gay websites. I hear people in my office talking about other employees and if they suspect someone is gay (especially if they dislike that person), they will go on websites like Adam and look for them in order to out and humiliate them. So your perception is very wrong. I have witnessed this behavior many times and even though it is appalling, it happens all the time. A lot of professional offices have politics and it is dog eat dog and some vicious individuals will stop at nothing to get ahead.
So don’t judge someone for not having a face pic, because they may be in a situation where they need to keep their job or need to remain closeted for career advancement.
Those of you who are only looking for HOOKUPS are obviously NOT into relationship issues that 40% of A4A are looking for. A4A is a site for a wide variety of members. When you are not interested, then just let it pass you by while the other 40% are hopefully getting results that they want from this site.
@SexCounselor4U
A hookup CAN lead to a relationship. You can meet your future husband at hookup places such as the parks, sex parties, etc. There is nothing like having sex first as an ice breaker between two strangers. Most strangers who go on a date before sex tend to be either uptight or ostentatious. As a result, they do not show their real personalities.
When you go to a guy’s place for a hookup, it is an occasion to see where and how he lives, how he hosts you. After the sex is finished, if you like him then hug him, kiss him and tell him that you would like to see him again. You see where I am going…
You have to realize that when someone wants to hookup that he is horny and wants to get off. That does NOT mean that he is not interested in relationship.
Finally, if you like or love someone, TELL him. Otherwise, you will not get anywhere.
I have to say John is right. There was one site that made people join and log in to see any profiles, but without warning, the operators opened it to the public. An awful lot of people paid for that one. Many members. Closed profiles and abandoned the site.
A4A does have an option to block your profile from public viewing. Nobody sees anything unless logged in. For the coworker to claim to have seen, they have to admit to having joined, and then they run afoul of the terms of use, which would be an embarrassing public exposure for them.
About profiles, it’s also important to know what they mean. More than one person has said he is a “top” because he likes to provide oral, which means he really doesn’t understand the concept. If the penis is the focus, the inserter is the top. If some other activity is the focus, the doer is the top.
And for location, the profile is as though the owner is speaking. “My place” means the profile writer can host. And waist size is not so hard. It isn’t the length of your belt where you slanted it under your belly. It’s the horizontal girth near the level of your navel. Own your body, whatever it is. And when we talk about “average” body, do we mean average size or average tone? On that note, average should be general. When somebody says average, and turns out to be rather large, the “average for my age group” excuse is a bit insulting. The selection did not say that. It is important to read and understand that interpretation, if required, may result in the writer being interpreted as a liar. Explain in your remarks, at least, so if those don’t get read, it’s the viewer’s fault.
Sometimes, too, the server errs, and the 150 you entered gets displayed as 350. Pull up your own profile and check it. This prevents lost opportunities.
Last, some don’t put up status for the same reason some don’t unlock face pics. But if the viewer wants to know, he can ask. And before meeting, the displayer should disclose. That’s just good sense.
Face it, the profile works both ways, and I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t at least fill out the basic things people would see if he were walking down the street. I’m sure not going oing for someone in a mask or behind a screen. Profiles help us decide whether to contact or not. This saves time and aggravation.
60% of guys on Adam4Adam are PRIMARILY looking to hookup and 40% are PRIMARILY looking for a relationship. The key word here is “PRIMARILY”. In other words, those who are looking for a relationship also do get horny and want to get off at times while many of those who want to hookup will not reject the possibility of a relationship.
The problem with many guys who are primarily looking for a relationship is that when they get horny and want to get off, they search for the “perfect” person. These guys usually put “Relationship” and “1-on-1 Sex” on their profiles. They cannot make the difference between “getting off” and “relationship”. At sex parties, they are usually the guys that are pacing up and down, looking for the “perfect” man.
Now why do many bottoms put pics of their (big) dicks/cocks? They simply realized that many of the “Tops” are dick/cock lovers. These bottoms are simply trying to get an edge over the less well-endowed bottoms.
Why do many bottoms put up pics of their (gaping) holes? Well, simply because many Tops are really turned on by looking at a hole. Other Tops are turned on by the shape and/or size of the ass cheeks. In this case, bottoms with nicely shaped ass cheeks will put up pics of said cheeks.
One person said: ” I’m sure not going for someone in a mask or behind a screen”. Well, that is your choice. However, there are people who have glory holes at their place and they do get a lot of visitors. As for the mask, there are a lot of well-attended masked parties. Some guys go to these masked parties because they cannot reveal their identities. At these masked parties, guys tend to loose their shyness and uptightness.
As for guys who lie about their “average” body type, well when you go to the park to get off in the evening or at night, most times you cannot tell the exact physical type of the person even with summer clothing unless the person is really obese. Hopefully, after a good fuck and a conversation, if the person’s background and character are in line with yours, then this hookup may lead to something more enduring.
Guys, life is short. Stop being uptight.